


Another Chance

by ColdWhiteLight



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Depression, F/M, Fernando is a bad guy here, Getting Together, Kimando past relationship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Consensual Kissing, Non-Consensual Touching, Panic Attacks, Self Esteem Issues, Sexual Coercion, These happen in chapter 22 and 23, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Trust Issues, past racing accident
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2019-10-06 05:12:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 183,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17339204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColdWhiteLight/pseuds/ColdWhiteLight
Summary: A divorced teacher with a past he hides and a man whose dream fell apart in Formula 1 meet by chance.Everyone needs another chance at finding happiness. Will the two of them find it in each other?





	1. Somebody to Love

**Author's Note:**

> First real person fanfiction. I watched a movie and some scenes inspired me. I didn't tag Kimando because I didn't want to clutter the pairing tag. 
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy this as much as I loved writing it.

Sebastian opened one bleary eye at the offending sound of his alarm clock going off. The loud thing was on the nightstand of the right side of his bed and that side was currently occupied by an angelic but apparently deaf brunette.

He waited patiently for her to turn the incessant beeping off, but she nonchalantly found a more comfortable spot and went on with her trip to the lala land.

Huffing in exasperation, he reached over her with difficulty and beat the poor clock into silence, his back popping loudly in the process. He grimaced and made a mental note to never indulge his partners again when they’d offer trying strange positions in bed, ever.

Shaking his head at the still sleeping brunette, Sebastian got up and began his morning routine. Getting in front of the large mirror in his private bathroom, he observed himself, always on the lookout out for any whitening hair. Luckily for him, he was a dark blond, so nothing caught anyone’s eye other than bothering his perfectionist nature.

He rubbed at his beard and pursed his lips. It was getting longer and Sebastian didn't like how it made him look older than his age. He couldn't completely shave it either in fear of looking too boyish and less business-like. So he trimmed his stubbly beard into a fashionable shape.

After a quick shower, he entered his dressing room and meticulously chose a three piece Italian suit with his tie, watch, and shoes equally classy and as expensive as they’d come. Sparing one last glance at his reflection in the tall mirror mounted on the wall, he exited the dressing room and saw his partner sauntering towards one of the bathrooms in the second floor of the villa.

“Morning, Babe.” Sebastian winked at her, but she was busy laughing at the exasperated reaction of Sebastian’s nephew upon seeing a half naked woman the first thing in the morning.

“I’ll just… Use the bathroom on the first floor…” The teenager trailed off in a small voice and averted his eyes, quickly making himself scarce by using the stairs.

“Don’t be long, we shouldn’t be late.” Sebastian called after his nephew, Carl. They were only a few days into the new semester of Carl’s last year, so he wanted to keep Carl to study and take things as seriously as his future demanded. He distractedly corrected his cufflinks one last time before going downstairs to the living room and sitting down at the breakfast table.

He wasn’t planning to wait for his lady friend, aware that it took ages for her to get ready, but he had to see Carl get to his school on time just as he had been doing for several years now. So, he patiently sipped at his tea and checked a few of his e-mails on his phone.

After some time, Carl entered the living room, all ready with his backpack in hand. He gulped down a large glass of juice and didn’t sit down, trying to wordlessly tell Sebastian that they could leave, but his uncle was taking none of it.

“Sit and eat, Carl. You wouldn’t want that orange juice to dig a hole in your empty stomach.” He admonished like the mother hen he was and ignored how Carl rolled his eyes at him thinking that he wouldn’t see, since his attention had been on his phone.

“Which lessons today?” He asked, genuinely curious even though he knew that he was pissing Carl off.

“ Physics, English, P.E…”

“Oh, your favorite…”

Carl visibly desisted from making a face and continued. “You know my favorite is Maths…”

“The lesson or the teacher?” Sebastian asked in amusement with one raised eyebrow over his tea cup and saw his nephew biting into a toast with some unnecessary force.

Carl conceeded reluctantly. “He may or may not be a big factor.”

Sebastian chuckled. “Then I am sure your teacher would love to see the fruits of being a favorite of yours, too…” He cautiously observed the youth’s reaction, trying to gouge how the sports freak was going to take his implicit advice about paying more attention to his lessons.

Carl simply nodded, not willing to let Sebastian on his case by antagonizing him, and truth be told, he didn’t need to be reminded of his grades, because he was trying his best.

Sebastian checked his watch and left his seat, Carl following him into the underground garage of the villa. They got out onto the asphalt in a red Ferrari 599, Sebastian completely pleased as ever while Carl hugged his bag to himself, looking awkward and wanting to be anywhere but in the super car that captured everyone’s attention within a mile’s radius.

It was hard being personally chauffeured by an ex Formula 1 driver in his ridiculously expensive and eye catching car every goddamned day of school under the scrutinizing glances of his peers and teachers. Carl sincerely hoped that Sebastian would just give up chaperoning him someday before he’d graduate, but he highly doubted it. His uncle loved playing the part of his deceased parents and Carl knew that Sebastian really cared and felt responsible of him not out of a sense of duty for his sister, but love for his nephew. When Carl reminded himself that and all his negativity about his situation flew away, leaving in its place an amused and good natured exasperation with his doting uncle.

After he got into his class, he fished out his phone and opened the chatting app that was the latest sensation among the youths of his age. He tapped at the avatar of his most recent contact and sent a quick line.

_‘Up?’_

The answering ping came a few minutes later while he was busying himself on a sports site.

 _‘Yup. About to reach school.’_ Carl raised an eyebrow. She was running late. _‘Dad was grumpier than usual to wake up.’_

_‘Feeling not good?’_

_‘Just really loves sleeping…’_

Carl smirked at the message. _‘Wish Seb would sleep in, too. Just once in his lifetime!’_

_‘Having it that bad?’_

_‘Not actually, but at least then I wouldn’t have to see his boy/girl friends flirting with him the first thing in the morning.’_

_‘Aww. Poor you /pets your head.’_

Carl rolled his eyes even as he continued smiling at the next message.

_‘Persuade him to get marry ;)’_

_‘Hell no!’_

_‘Why not? You guys seem to need a bit of stability in your lives. I think…’_

At that, Carl’s smile faltered and he began worrying his lower lip as he gave it a serious thought. _‘The people around him don’t deserve him.’_

_‘Aww! Somebody really loves their uncle!’_

_‘Oh, just shut up :) As if you’d hand over your precious dad to any of these people I see around Seb.’_

_‘That bad?’_

_‘Wish I could show you.’_

_‘Sorry to hear that… Gotta go!’_

_‘Later!’_

Carl tapped the app off, sighing at himself ruefully when he realized that he had been gossiping about his uncle with his new online friend that he was starting to have feelings for. _Way to go, man…_ He thought, feeling completely lame. At least, the first lesson of the day began just then and provided his mind with something to occupy itself other than wondering why would any girl want a boyfriend like him who complained about his closest relative as a form of flirtation.

Unaware of each other’s presence even though they were at the same high school, his friend Aina, did not mind Carl’s occasional comments about his uncle even a bit. She completely understood what Carl was going through at home. She knew that Carl had lost his parents in a traffic accident and since then he had been living with his mother’s little brother, Sebastian. The said man was a successful entrepreneur, and according to Carl, a natural charmer. Apparently, he was very popular among both men and women alike, but unfortunately unable to maintain a long term relationship with any of his partners.

 _Complete opposite of my father…_ Aina thought as she hastily entered the classroom right before her teacher and quickly took her seat to get ready for the lesson.

Carl was agitated by the same thing that she had been for quite some time. She was aware how alone her father was and his unhappiness, even though he managed to hide it too well for his own good, was effecting her mood, too. Seeing him simply drift in the current of life with his attention focused solely on her wellbeing and future was making her heart ache. Her newly acquired online friend had a similar person in his life that he wanted to see truly happy, so she actually felt a sense of camaraderie with him whenever he would write something about his uncle.

Idly, she wondered what would happen if her father and his friend’s uncle would somehow meet. She was sure that they would have liked each other simply because their personalities sounded all too different. _Maybe in the future…_ A small smile appeared on Aina’s lips. If Carl could manage to prove himself to be interesting enough for her to meet him…

* * *

 

With no lessons on his schedule till midday, Kimi had planned for the morning to tidy around the house a bit. Surely he could hire someone to do that for him, since he actually had a good income for a teacher, but he was a private person and didn’t prefer anyone intruding on his home.

After having a quick breakfast, he flexed his arms and popped a few kinks in his back and began his work. Thankfully, Aina was a well organized girl and all the mess belonged to him, so it was an easy job.

He cleaned the kitchen, set the dishwasher and the washing machine going, vacuumed the floors and dusted in the living room.

Satisfied with the result, he took his shower and dug into a bowl of Aina’s premade salad left for him. He was proud to see that he still had an hour before he had to be at school, but spending some time near his colleagues-turned-friends sounded like a good idea as their chatter would provide him with some white noise for his reading.

When Kimi entered the teacher’s room, his friends were already seated in their usual table behind the rows of bookcases, poring over a few documents probably about their charity project that they had been working hard on organizing since the end of the last year. Yet if their faces were anything to go by, they had a problem.

The first to see him approach was Jenson. “Hey, Kimi…” He saluted in a hushed tone and the others acknowledged him with nods or hand waves. “Come on, look at this…” He urged.

Kimi chose a chair near Lewis and gazed at what the younger man had been reading with a pensive expression on his face.

The papers were about an auction which had been finalized two days ago. “Isn’t this the location you have been after for your charity business?” He asked.

Everyone nodded with rueful expressions on their faces and Lewis explained. “Apparently, the city administration had been refusing our offers on renting the place because they had been planning to sell it…”

“Then you guys might try your chances with the new buyer?” Kimi offered the first thing coming to his mind to quell the heavy atmosphere hanging above the small group.

Nico shrugged. “What if they are planning to use it themselves?”

Kimi’s lips pursed in resignation. “Let’s wait around and see. Maybe the new landlord is someone negotiable?”

“I hope so, because this building is the only one in the city that is big enough for our needs.” Nico leaned back in his chair and sighed.

Jenson and Lewis had already been working in this privately owned prestigious high school before Kimi and Nico had joined the teaching personnel around the same time. Jenson was an English teacher with a kind smile that he unreservedly shared with everyone and thus, was well liked by the students. Nico and Lewis were teaching Chemistry and Physics respectively and they had an interesting dynamic going on between them which Kimi wondered when it was going to be officially labelled as dating.

Together, they made up an odd group among quite a number of teachers in the big school, but if one would ask Kimi what made them prefer each other’s company over the others, he honestly could not give a reason. He just liked how Nico and Lewis bantered like an old married couple, how Jenson exuded a joyful, and easygoing vibe. Hanging out with them was calming and enjoyable. Of course they were also friends and, in Kimi’s case, acquaintances with the other teachers at the school, but in the end, the four of them always hung out together at and out of work.

Though Kimi was not actively a part of their charity endeavor, he supported his friends’ cause and was privy of the details. They wanted to open a school, free of charge, for the unprivileged kids to realize their dreams. They had contacted and collaborated with many other charity groups of the country and some influential people were ready to back them if and when they would be able to launch their project for real.

For that, they needed a suitable location to rent, because they didn’t want to waste their resources on building one from the scratch. That required too much money and took too long for them to ride the hype of the interested parties for the project to become fruitful.

This building in question fit to their needs to a t, but it belonged to the administration of their city. Even though they had applied to the authorities multiple times about renting the building, they had never been given a solid answer, up until now.

“This is an old building.” Lewis complained. “Why would anyone want it other than maybe turning it into a museum or a gallery?” His question was what was running in the minds of every other person present. “And worse than that, they refuse to tell us who the new landlord is.”

Kimi scratched at his nose. “Well, that’s a problem…”

“I already asked Brittny to look into it.” Jenson fiddled with his phone. “She has a close friend working in the city administration.”

“That’s good news…” Lewis relaxed a bit; Nico smiling at his friend’s raised moods.

“Well, as soon as we learn with whom we are facing, we are going to make our move. No need to fret over it just yet.” Jenson finalized their small crisis and the group returned back to their usual relaxed chatting as they got ready for their lessons.

Two hours later, Aina found Kimi in the teachers’ room during the last break for her class. “Dad, can I go to that patisserie’s I mentioned earlier with my friends?”

Aina loved sweet food and who was Kimi to deny her when she asked so nicely. “Don’t be late home, okay?” He handed her some money discreetly, knowing that she didn’t like carrying much at school. “Is it enough?”

Aina beamed at him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and putting a small smile on his lips. She left the room with a skip in her steps after greeting his father’s friends. “Have a nice day, my teachers!”

As soon as she left, Nico turned to him from his search of books. “Which patisserie is it?” He asked with suspicion.

“The new one in the city center…” Kimi mumbled with a hint of question in his voice.

“Which friends? Girlfriends or boyfriends? Young friends or older friends?” Nico continued, putting doubt in Kimi.

“I don’t know.” He answered honestly. He trusted his daughter’s choice of friends.

“Well, you should…” Lewis quipped from his spot behind the table. “That new place quickly turned into a spot for youngsters to hook up. With older guys… If you know what I mean… Some parents were quite concerned about it during my parents meeting.” He unhelpfully provided.

Kimi’s eyes widened and his face turned a shade paler at the implication. “She is just a kid, so…”

“Mate, she is a kid, yes… But we are living in a fucked up world. Better be safe than sorry.” Lewis warned and Nico sagely nodded behind a shelf, making Kimi’s stomach drop. He didn’t want to be a nosy parent and exasperate Aina with his meddling, but lately she was asking of him for permission to hang around with her friends too often.

With the seed of doubt planted within him, he tried to shake off the unpleasant feeling, consoling himself with the idea that Aina was a responsible girl and she would surely be able to take care of herself against predators. And she would come to him if she had any problems, right? Right… Only if she believed that there was actually a problem…

* * *

 

When Sebastian got to work, the chefs were already preparing for the day, greeting him with their usual enthusiasm. A few minutes later, his assistant Britta approached him with two cups of coffee and they began their daily meeting about the management of the restaurant.

Everything was going perfect. Sebastian leaned back after sipping his espresso with a contend expression. He smiled at nothing in particular as his eyes swept around his restaurant which was recently awarded with two Michelin stars. He was so proud of this place, pouring everything he had into it after being unable to burn his passion in what he actually wanted to do with his life, racing.

Opening this restaurant had been a whim of his after the depression and the bout of anxiety that he had found himself in when his career in Formula One suddenly fell short. With so much money in his hands, but no immediate hope for the continuation of his career, for a long time, he contemplated what to do with his life until his psychologist suggested him to do something that had nothing to do with cars and racing. Now, instead of disturbing him, thinking on it always put a fond smile on Sebastian’s face. Because, in all honesty, nobody had expected him to come up with the idea of opening a restaurant, hiring the best chefs available and presenting an excellent service enough to earn several awards and a wide media coverage for him not only in this city but throughout the country.

Even though he wasn’t a very good cook himself, he liked helping around the kitchen of his restaurant frequently. It took his mind off of things and he liked to spend time with his staff. Maybe that was why his chefs and staff thought of him fondly and loved working for him which was probably the reason of the recognition and praise that they garnered both from the media and from their diners.

Through this thriving business, he was living out the success that he had failed to achieve in the world of motorsports. Though, of course, this didn't manage to offer him even a tendril of the thrill and satisfaction that he used to get from driving a formula one car at top speed, but this was safer and far less risky. And also it didn't give him nightmares, fear and the phantom of that pain he sometimes dealt with even after getting professional help.

This was good, he believed. This was enough, until the time he’d either heal himself enough to return back to the tracks or find himself another passion to pass his time with.

He watched his staff work as he contemplated whether to go to the gym or have a short visit to his current landlord to talk about his latest demand for a ridiculous rise in the rent, but the decision was made by his landlord when Sebastian's phone lit up with his name.

He talked with the unreasonable man for quite sometime, reining in his anger at how the man was trying to milk him out of as much money as he possibbily could after the restaurant’s popularity had sky rocketed.

“I am already your highest paying client and you are putting me in a difficult position. This much rise is unfair.” Sebastian complained in his office, pacing.

“I know you are about to end your liese, you have bought that place, haven’t you? There are many people on hold, waiting for you to vacant this place, don't think yourself irreplaceable, Sebastian.”

“Well, that's blackmailing! You know I have to wait for the redesign job to finish! We haven't even started yet!”

“That’s your problem, not mine. Sebastian, you know the conditions of our contract. I am asking for a rise within the legal limitations. You either pay it or leave it, that's your call.”

Sebastian gritted his teeth, rubbing at his face. “Fine, fine, you win!” He desisted from snarling into the receiver. His landlord was probably seeing him just as a cash cow at this point. He ended the call without bothering with pleasantries and sighed heavily.

He felt swindled, not because he couldn't pay that rent, per se, he could pay the trice of the same amount with no dent in his wallet. But because in businesses, people were always trying to use his weak moment to exploit him. He supposed he still needed some time to get used to this. And in the meantime, he needed some action in the gym.

* * *

 

A cliche series had been on the TV in their living room to provide some white noise when it caught Kimi's attention from grading the pop quiz that he had handed out in one of his classes.

A young girl was applying heavy make up on her face, colours totally unsuitable for her youth as her mother tried to talk some sense into her.

His interest piqued by the topic, he remembered his talk with Nico and Lewis from a few days ago. He watched on with an uncomfortable feeling growing inside as the daughter's tantrum fit on the screen unfolded into a full blown scream match between the parent and the daughter about her choice of a boyfriend and life style.

Kimi internally cringed and turned his eyes at his own daughter who was sitting at the dining table with her laptop open, typing away animatedly. There was a smile on her face and fueled by the recently planted misgivings, Kimi decided to approach the subject.

Never been one for subtilty, Kimi brought his papers to the table and sat on a chair near Aina. She didn't attempt to hide the screen from him, which was a good sign.

“Chatting?” He asked, glancing at the screen.

“Yup.” Aina nodded without taking her eyes from her typing.

“With whom?” He prodded further.

Aina shrugged, getting suspicious. “With a friend…”

Kimi wondered at which point she was going to try dismissing him and continued. “What kind of a friend?”

Aina shrugged. “An online friend… Dad, did you finish grading? I think your students are dying to learn their marks.”

Completely undeterred, Kimi leaned in. “Let me take a look.”

That made Aina face him with disbelief. “Dad..”

“It won’t hurt, yes?” He reached for the laptop and a for a few seconds the father and the daughter pushed and pulled the machine between them until Aina just gave up and let the laptop go.

Kimi quickly read what was already written and a small derisive smile tugged at his lips at the almost innocent and mundane chat. “You are chatting with a boy?” He asked without expecting an answer, because really, who else would use the nickname _KroossRiteFoot_? “And he's a football fan…”

Aina pursed her lips at her father's meddling, but she could understand why he was doing this. “He is just a normal friend, dad.” She defended.

Kimi raised an eyebrow at that and shrugged. “He can be your boyfriend, that’s not the issue. I am not doing this because I don't trust you, Aina. I don't trust them.” He nodded towards the screen.

“I know…” She sighed, leaning back. Her father had deeply rooted trust issues and he had every right to be so and it saddened Aina greatly. “This is a good guy, dad.” She tried to ease his worry. “And I promise he is not a weirdo. He is a student like me.”

Kimi leaned back, too, tapping the pen in his hand on the papers. “Okay… I am sorry for being this way, but lately at school all kinds of rumors are floating… So…” He looked back at his daughter apologetically with a rueful smile. As a single father, he had to make sure that his baby girl was surrounded by nice and well meaning people. Aina returned his smile and encouraged by it, Kimi went on, this time with a teasing expression.

“So, is he any good?”

Aina actually snorted at the sly look her father was giving. Kimi chuckled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. Aina loved his mirth, so she decided to humor him. “I don't know, I haven't met him yet.”

“Do you plan to?”

She bit on her lower lip, amused. “This is a trick question.”

Kimi laughed at her reluctance. “Since when have you been chatting?”

“Around six or seven days…”

“That's a short time…” Kimi mused, actually enjoying himself. “What do you know about him?”

Aina pouted in mock exasperation, but went along with him. “That he is German…” She began counting. “Lost parents in an accident, and thus, lost a year at school.  He lives with his uncle from his mother's side and that uncle is a playboy of sorts and gives my friend quite the grief.”

At that Kimi's eyebrows rose and then his eyes narrowed down.

Guessing what he was thinking, she amended. “The uncle apparently can't commit to a long term relationship due to reasons that my friend didn't explain to not bore me.”

“Do you know this boy's real name?”

At the cost of sounding irresponsible, Aina answered truthfully. “No…”

“Does he know yours? Has he seen you or your picture or something?”

“No…”

“Then let's see, if he really is worth spending your time on…” Kimi cracked his knuckles and reached for the laptop even though Aina laughed nervously at his antics and shook her head at him.

In a different part of the city, Carl was sitting before his own laptop, the large TV set on the far end side of the room displaying a football match and providing a distraction from the chat app as he waited for _IcePrncss_ to change her idle status.

This was a rare night when his uncle had no company, the said man descending down the stairs, newly showered. Carl didn't attempt to hide the fact that he had been chatting with a girl even when he felt that Sebastian came to a stop right behind him and leaned in to see what he was doing.

“Chatting with a girl?” Sebastian smiled knowingly, but his face fell when he saw what Carl had written last. “And you are talking about the match with her?” He asked scornfully.

Carl's long sigh belayed his disappointment in his own nonexistent flirting skills. “Yeah, I am the biggest idiot and I am sure she is currently contemplating which one is more polite, completely logging off or staying idle to subtly tell me to fuck off…”

Sebastian laughed out loud at his nephew's ineptitude and patted him on the shoulder. “Is she new?”

Carl nodded, not minding Sebastian's questions even a bit. When it came to problems of love, Sebastian actually gave the best advice, and Carl really needed some.

“Met her already?” Sebastian drew another chair closer and sat, pulling the laptop completely towards himself. When Carl hopelessly shook his head, Sebastian smirked. “Do you want to?”

“Yeah, why not?” Carl smiled back derisively. “I can't charm her with my words. If she'd agree to meet me, maybe she will find me handsome enough to consider dating?” He speculated and that made Sebastian turn to him, dark blue eyes seriously observing the younger male.

“You are handsome, Carl. And you are a good guy…” He assured, giving a boost of confidence to his nephew before turning back to the laptop screen. “Let's see if she is good enough to meet you, huh?”

A bit swept away by Sebastian's energy, Carl didn't try to stop him when he began typing. But _IcePrncss_ beat him to it and sent an interesting question in a subject that she had never touched upon before.

_'What kind of girls do you like?’_

“Oh… Tricky question…” Sebastian rubbed his hands together.

_'A girl with inner strength, who also lends strength to the people around her, who knows what she wants…’_

Carl raised an eyebrow at Sebastian's reply and unbeknownst to him, Kimi also did the same.

 _'So, your first choice is integrity, not beauty? Colour me impressed…’_ Kimi wrote back.

Aina snorted again. “C’mon, dad…”

“What?” Kimi questioned innocently. “That was a good answer.”

_'Beauty is a relative concept…’_

_'But I could be the ugliest girl you'd ever seen…’_

Sebastian's smirk widened. “This is a clever girl. Even if her looks are below the average, I'd go for her if I were you…”

Carl's lips twisted snidely. “I didn't know you liked the brainy type.”

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at the derisive comment, but went on, causing Carl to give him an eyeroll. _‘There is beauty to find in everyone and I am sure I can find it in you even if you think that there is none.’_

This time, Kimi pursed his lips and nodded in approval. “I like this guy. Wiser than his age…”

Aina stayed silent, sitting back and watching her father.

“Do you know his hobbies?” Kimi wondered and when Aina shrugged in negative, he looked suprised. “What do you even talk about with him then?”

“Mainly the lessons, cars, formula one…” _And we gossip about you and his uncle_ , Aina silently added in her mind.

Kimi shook his head at her.  “Some great romantic you are.”

“What did you expect? I am your daughter.” Aina deadpanned.

Kimi gave her a stern look, knowing that it only served to amuse her, and then typed. _‘Do you have any other hobbies apart from football?’_

Sebastian gave this a long thought. “What do you like doing when you are free?”

Carl waved a hand about, non-committal. “Video games, formula one, cars, Scandinavian metal bands…”

Sebastian’s face soured. “Never talk about these to a girl unless you have actual proof that she likes nerdy stuff.” He advised sagely in all seriousness.

“Believe it or not but there are girls who love these more than some of the boys I know. And she has a thing for engines and cars.” Carl protested, looking absolutely done with his uncle.

“A girl fawning over cars and engines at this age?” He asked rather incredulously, but then shrugged. There had been many good female mechanics and engineers in the factory during his stay in formula one. “Okay, yes, there can be. But are we sure that this ice princess is among that group? Better be cautious and be roundabout.”

“I'll keep that in mind.” Carl made a show of rolling his eyes at Sebastian, thinking that his attention was completely on his typing.

“I saw that, young man.”

“Ugh…”

_‘Books… There can be nothing more exciting than finding yourself in a new adventure at the every page you turn…’_

“God, that's corny!” Carl swivelled around himself on his chair, chuckling.

“Shut up. She likes it, see…”

_‘I enjoy reading, too… You like fantasy or science fiction or...?’_

At a loss, Sebastian turned to his nephew. “What is _fantasy_?”

Carl sighed and rubbed a hand at his face, fondly exasperated. “Oh, for the love of…” And then his phone began ringing, the screen displaying the name of his school team's captain. “I have to take this and let's not ridicule us any more because I am no longer sure if she is trolling me by talking like my granny.”

Sebastian watched Carl flip the laptop's screen off noisily before he climbed down the stairs to his own room whilst talking to his friend.

With only the ongoing football match's faint sound in the room as his company, Sebastian sighed, a bit put out. But his curiosity won over and after making sure that Carl was in his room, he restarted the device.

It was password protected, but Sebastian managed to log in at his first try, writing down the name of Carl's favorite footballer. “You really are a simple boy, Carl. That's why you never manage to get a girlfriend…” He murmured and typed his answer to the last question.

_‘I prefer mysteries along the lines of Sherlock and Christie…’_

“So boring…” Aina huffed. “I thought he was a formula one fan. All that talk about engines and mechanics were actually exciting… And then, here I find out that he likes old literature...”

“That's because not everyone's waking dream is to be a mechanics genius, Aina…” Kimi thought back about the garage adjoining to their house and the long hours the two of them would spend in there, fixing the cars of Kimi's friends to pass time and teach her the ropes. “Let's see what he listens to…”

_‘I am an oldies kind of girl, I like 70’s Rock and 80’s Pop. You?’_

_‘We have that in common. I really love the music of those years.’_

Aina stood up and shut the laptop forcefully, startling her father. “He began to sound like a 40 year old and I am going to have a shower and then sleep…”

“You mean he sounds like me…” Kimi felt a bit stung, but his expression remained the same. “You think I am boring?”

Aina stopped at that, a small smile tugging at her lips. “No, dad. You are the greatest.” She assured, aware that Kimi was subtly fishing for a nice comment before she'd leave. “But I am no longer sure about this Mr Right Foot here…”

Kimi nodded cautiously, realizing that he might have inadvertently ruined this for his daughter. “Sorry…” He offered, actually feeling apologetic, but it didn't stop him from starting up the device again and continuing the chat after Aina kissed him goodnight and left.

 _‘Movies?’_ He asked.

 _‘Not much of a preference, but I avoid romantic ones because I cry easily.’_ Sebastian answered truthfully.

Kimi snorted at the reply, thinking that this was a good lad. Anyone who had it in them to cry without any reservations, no matter how trivial the reason was, had a point taken from him.

_‘I watch whatever catches my interest, too. I am a pretty ordinary one.’_

_‘Nobody is ordinary.’_ Sebastian wrote back, scratching at his stubble, wondering. All these talk about being ordinary and not beautiful… At first, he had thought that she might be asking tricky questions, but he wasn't so sure anymore. _‘Anyone who thinks they are ordinary hasn't met the person that will make them feel special yet.’_

 _Okay…_ Kimi thought. This guy was quite sensible and poetic. If he was really thinking this way, maybe Kimi might actually push Aina to at least meet the boy and decide for herself. _'Your way of thinking is pretty mature. How old are you?’_

 _‘31.’_ Sebastian typed without thinking. When he realized his mistake, he quickly amended, worried that he had fucked it up. _'Just joking… 19.’_

Kimi's face was a rare picture of anger and suspicion as he gazed at the numbers. _‘Well, I think we should meet some time soon…’_ He baited, lips thinned at the reply.

 _'My uncle owns a restaurant. Would you like to have a late lunch with me?’_ Sebastian asked, considering the schedule of Carl, happy that he didn't scare the girl off.

 _'Alright.’_ Kimi narrowed his eyes down at the name of the place, having heard of it as a popular upscale restaurant, the bad feeling in his stomach intensifying.

_‘Just ask for the table booked for me. Name is Carl…’_

_‘Tomorrow at 2.30, then.’_ Kimi agreed and cleaned the history of the chat before turning off the laptop.

* * *

After his workout routine, Sebastian busied himself with the renovations of the new place he bought.

The exterior of the multi storeyed building was quite historic, so he decided to go for a romantic and nostalgic 1960’s and 70’s European look in the interiors, inspired by the Italian designs of that time. His current place was a tad bit too modern in looks, so he thought that it was going to be a nice change for him, too.

He had been after this building for a long time. The irritating demeanor of his current landlord was a reason, but more importantly than that, he wanted to see how much bigger he could get in this business, how much more success he could reach in something totally unrelated to what he had actually wanted to do with his life.

Deep down inside, he wondered how long this could keep his desires at bay. He knew that he was being quite insatiable, both at his work and in his personal life, but this was the only way that he could distract himself from wanting to race even though he was afraid of getting into a formula one car, even though he woke up from sweaty nightmares whenever he slept alone.

He sighed deeply, breathing in the cold January air into his lungs. He was about to leave the workers and the designer to their job, idling outside the building's garden. He fished out his phone and texted Carl before he got into his Ferrari and drove for the restaurant.

“I'll send someone to pick you up from school. Wear something smart and be at the restaurant by 14.15.”

Around four hours later, Carl did as Sebastian asked and wondered what his uncle was on about.

The restaurant was packed full even though it was past lunch time and Carl didn't want to bother the waiters and the diners by loitering around. He had been relaxing in the kitchen, watching two of the younger cooks banter, Max and Daniel. And then it happened.

With quick steps Kimi entered through the doors of the restaurant. He was met by a female personnel asking him if he had reservations as the tables were full.

Kimi eyed the interior, grimacing at how posh the place and the diners looked. The level of pretense eliteness was on a disturbing scale and he hated showy people and situations the most. “There must be a table booked for a Mr Carl.” He mumbled and the lady showed him to a table right in the middle of the dining area. Kimi took a few steps towards it before he realized something.

There was a man sitting there with his back turned to him, but it didn't require a genius to guess that the male was at least thirty years old.

Eyes narrowed down in anger, Kimi took a deep calming breath and schooled his features into a neutral expression. He approached and unceremoniously took a seat right before the man in question.

Sebastian looked up at his intruder and met with the iciest glare that he had ever seen directed upon his person. Faltered by the stormy blue grey eyes, he corrected his posture and tried to politely dismiss the grumpy man. “I am sorry but this table is booked. If you let me show you the bar lounge…”

“You are the one who called me here.” Kimi cut his words off with a confident air about him, barely suppressing his anger in hopes that there might be a misunderstanding.

“Am I?” Surprised by the agressive demeanor of the stranger, Sebastian shook his head with a nervous smile. “I don't know you. Am I supposed to know you?”

Kimi gritted his teeth. “Aren’t you ashamed of trying to woo my daughter by pretending to be someone else?” He accused.

“What? What daughter?” Sebastian was dumbfounded. And then he mistakenly thought that he was face to face with the father of his young brunette partner, Sienna. “Ah… I see now, you are her father… I am serious about my relationship with her.” He lied through his teeth.

Kimi gritted his teeth, balling his hands into fists. “Serious about her? Are you joking? She is too young and…” His angry hiss was interrupted by Sebastian.

“No, I think she is quite old enough to make her own decisions…”

Kimi's anger tenfolded, but he managed to stay put, thinking that this man was aware what he was doing by trying to flirt with with younger people. “Old enough?” He kept his voice low, knowing that this talk was becoming dangerous. “What the hell are you talking about?” He snarled, wiping the easy going smile off of the other man's face.

“Aren’t you Sienna's, no, no, no… Julie's father?… Perhaps?” Sebastian asked lamely and paled a bit at the way the other man rolled his neck and flexed his shoulders as if he was getting ready to punch him in the face.

“How many more are there other than my daughter?” Kimi’s lips thinned in disgust.

Not wanting to agitate the ruffled man further, Sebastian stood up, hands up in a pacifying manner. “Okay, calm down please. Anger is not good for the elderly…”

“Elderly?” Kimi could no longer stay put and stood up, too, his stance threatening. “Stay away from my daughter, you asshole! Find yourself someone closer to your age!” He yelled.

“Hey, hey! Watch your tone! I am not deaf. What's your problem?” Sebastian couldn't understand how someone could be this rude to somebody that they met for the first time.

“My problem is you. You and your filthy taste in flirting!” Kimi shook a finger at the slightly taller male, uncaring of the scene that he was creating.

The insinuation behind the word _filthy_ was the thing that ticked Sebastian off. “I'll sue you, you senile fart you!” He promised with vengeance.

“Senile fart?” Kimi snorted, completely devoid of any mirth. “Look at yourself some time in the mirror, you baldy!”

Sebastian spluttered at the comment indignantly, his hand going for his hair despite himself. “Just… Just get out of here or I'll have you forcefully removed!”

 _Remove, huh?_ Kimi thought. _As if I am some kind of a pest…_ “Who do you think you are, you pretentious prick?” He took a few steps towards the younger man and when he saw him taking a stance, he reminded himself to calm down, that he could lose his job due to putting this playboy in his place even though in his mind he deserved it a million times. He passed by the man like a storm and opened the door, breathing through his nose.

“I don't want to see your daughter or your ugly face here ever again!” Sebastian got the final word in as the blond man shut the door behind him with great force.

Finally, the calm was restored again and Sebastian personally apologized to the diners for the scene, offering them drinks on the house.

Going straight to the kitchens, he was greeted by several different reactions from his chefs and Carl, ranging between plain ass ridicule with snickering and giggling to outright ignoring what had just happened.

“Who was he?” Carl dared to ask his fuming uncle, voicing the question that was in everyone's mind.

Sebastian shrugged. “Sienna's father, I think…” He walked out to his office, still ruffled up.

Daniel smirked cheekily. “We should have made a bet on it…”

“I dare you to say that in front of the boss…” Max challenged him to the great amusement of Carl.

“Yea, as if I'd be that stupid…”

The two cooks lived to banter and make jokes at each other, mostly at the expense of their boss. Carl loved the two of them as they were the youngest members of the staff and close to his age. Sebastian treated the whole staff as his family, so Carl knew that even if he'd seen them betting on his love life, he wouldn't get angry at them.

“Hey, do you know why he called me here?” He asked.

Max finished decorating the plate before him and handed it to the waiter before sharing a glance with Daniel. “He told to you to make some of that burger patties, right?”

“Yup…” Daniel smiled proudly, opening a fridge and showing the specially made patties and garnishes to Carl. “Seb told the headwaiter to arrange the best table for you. I think he has a surprise prepared?” He speculated.

“That table?” Carl asked.

“I think so…” Max nodded, looking out of the small kitchen window to the dining area.

“And that man came and sat at that table, telling him he was called here by the boss…” A passing by waiteress provided.

Carl grimaced, his mind instantly solving the puzzle. “Maybe that wasn't Sienna's father at all…” He found his phone and tapped at the chatting app. Though _IcePrncss_ was idle, he typed a message.

 _'Can we talk if you are free?’_ He wondered two things; if they actually chatted with his friend last night, and what the hell had Seb done with his computer after he had returned back to his room.

* * *

When Aina came back home, Kimi was waiting for her with a tense expression, rubbing at his temples. “Dad, are you alright?” She put her bag away and approached him, thinking that he was having a migraine attack.

“You are not going to talk to that man again.” He firmly stated, standing up.

“What man?”

“That guy, Carl… That dickhead fishes for young girls under the guise of a teenager. He is thirty-one years old!” Kimi was so angry that he began to pace the room.

“Dad, Carl is 19…” Aina replied nervously.

“Oh, yeah? You should have seen him, beard and three piece suit and all… That pretentious son of a bitch!”

“Dad, did you go and see him?”

“Yes!” Kimi put his hands on his hips, every bit of a proud parent.

“You logged back in and continued chatting?”

Kimi nodded, unapologetic.

Aina looked on at him with a scandalized expression. “I can't believe you did that!”

“Thank God I did that.” Kimi argued back. “He is every bit of the playboy you've told me him to be, pretending to be a teenager, that liar…”

Aina took a deep breath and calmed herself down before finding her laptop and getting online. “Okay… Let's see… I had suspected that it wasn't Carl that we chatted with last night… This has to be a prank.” She reasoned.

When she came online, she saw Carl's message. Having finally learned of her friend's name, she typed back.

_‘Hello, Carl. Can you open your camera, please?’_

Carl winced at the use of his name, his suspicions proven right by it. He hastily checked his appearance, Daniel and Max giving him questioning looks, before he switched to video chatting. “Hi, there…” He smiled awkwardly at the frowning girl behind the screen.

“Let me introduce you, dad… This is Carl.” She turned around and a blond man entered the view, a look of surprise crossing over his features, which also transferred to Carl's face.

“M-mr. Räikkönen?” He stuttered, finding his favorite teacher right before him.

“Carl? But, how…” The man mumbled, before he was interrupted by his daughter.

“Oh, suddenly you two know each other now...” She raised an eyebrow at them.

“Well, he is my maths teacher… And you are wearing our school's uniform…” Carl looked as surprised as she was.

“I can't believe this…Oh my God... I am Aina, by the way… Carl, apparently my father came to your uncle's place this afternoon and acted harshly on a misunderstanding…” She tried to explain.

Carl couldn't help but chuckle at the absurdity of the situation. “Yeah, he stormed the restaurant and fought with Seb… Verbally...”

Aina looked back at Kimi, uttering a long suffering, ‘Daaaad…’

“Who is this Seb person?” Kimi questioned, totally unfazed by Aina's disappointment and anger.

“My uncle... He owns the restaurant that you might have put a dent in its prestige, Sir.”

Kimi cringed at that and fell back from the view.

“Dad, what did you do?” Aina rubbed a hand at her face, completely irritated by the turn of the events.

Kimi kept silent, but Carl provided. “Mr. Räikkönen insulted and accused Seb of unabashedly flirting with much younger girls and everyone heard it.”

“Oh my God, Dad! Were you out if your mind?”

“I thought he was after you, what did you expect a father to do then?” Kimi huffed loudly, still feeling righteous in his anger.

“Who are you talking to?” A different voice joined the conversation and it instantly drew Kimi's attention as he turned back to the screen involuntarily.

“You again?” Sebastian yelled at the phone. “Where do you know this lunatic from, Carl?”

“Uncle, calm down, there is a huge misunderstanding…”

Kimi frowned at the other man. “Who are you to call someone else lunatic?!”

“Accusing me of all that shit, and now you are chatting up young boys? Talk about hypocrisy!”

Kimi shook a fist at the screen. “You moron, do you even listen to yourself?”

“I am going to sue you! What's your name, huh? Who are you?”

Carl interjected. “Seb, for the love of God, stop!”

“Dad, you calm down, too… Carl, please explain this to your uncle. I'm going to contact you later, okay? I am sorry…” Aina logged off and rounded on her father who was looking back at her with such guileless and self righteous eyes that she felt her ire flying away, but she held onto it.

“You are aware that he can actually sue you, right?” She didn't wait for an answer. “We need to apologise. Though Carl seems to be a discreet one, I don't think his uncle appreciated being called a playboy who liked younger girls right in front of his guests…”

Kimi resisted rolling his eyes at her, because right now Aina seemed much more mature than him acting like a petulant child. “But I had every right to mistake the situation…”

“Yes, but, you have practically called him a predator! He can damage you however he'd like if he really wants to.”

“I didn't use that word! And why? He just owns a goddamned restaurant…”

“Did you actually not recognize him?” Aina was surprised at Kimi's ignorance. “Dad, he is Sebastian Vettel. That ex formula one driver who retired three years ago… The fan favorite…”

The name rang a bell, but Kimi had been avoiding the said sports for quite some time to know every single popular name in it. “I don't care about motorsports anymore, you know that.”

“He is media famous and you have angered him. Greatly...”

“He insulted me, too…” Kimi insisted.

“I'm sure he'll be civil enough to apologise, too, dad… Let's go and clear this up, okay?” She bore her ice blue eyes into his sweetly and Kimi couldn't find it in him to deny her.

About two hours later, Kimi and Aina were sitting at the same table with Sebastian and Carl before them.

Sebastian had the most smug and condescending look Kimi had ever seen upon a person. The younger male was reclining comfortably in his chair, back high and self assured as he observed Kimi without averting his eyes.

Thankfully, Carl and Aina had already explained the situation and how their chatting accounts were hacked and abused by their uncle and father, respectively.

Kimi looked back at how the other man was grinning like the cat who got the cream and cursed himself silently. “I… I was trying to protect my daughter, she's only sixteen…” He tried to explain, voice monotonous, and Sebastian nodded along, utterly unconvinced. “This is a big city and not everyone has good intentions, so…”

Sebastian snorted at how lame the excuse sounded. “So this gives you the right to accuse anyone with being a… a whatever...” He waved his hand about, disgusted by the word on his tongue.

“I am sorry.” Kimi sat upright, understanding the magnitude of his accusation now that he thought about it with a clear head.

“Excuse me?” Sebastian smiled edgily. “I can't hear you at all…”

Kimi steeled himself and apologized again. “I am sorry, alright?” He told louder, but Sebastian made a show of not being able to hear him, turning to Aina.

“When he was yelling at me, your dad's voice could be heard from the street down… Who would have thought that he was a mumbler?”

Kimi resisted making a rude gesture simply because he knew that he owed to Sebastian. “Okay…” He leaned forward, meeting the dark blue eyes of the younger man. “I am sorry for causing a scene and speaking to you like that.” He blurted quite loudly, a few eyebrows raising at their way.

“Okay…” Sebastian seemed finally satisfied.

Kimi frowned at him. “Just an okay?”

“Dad…” Aina tried to interject.

“What more do you want from me?”

“Maybe a sorry for all those nasty things you called me?” Kimi demanded.

“You deserved them by attacking me first.”

“You are the one who gave me ample reason to act like that!”

“I didn't do anything wrong, I was just trying to get these two together. Even prepared a nice table and a special menu for them until you came and ruined it all.”

“Uncle, please…” Carl groaned.

“Let me remind you that you were the one who ruined it by making a commitment behind this boy's back by pretending to be him. He was this close to having a date with me…”

“Mr. Räikkönen, don't say that.” Carl grimaced at the prospect, making Aina roll her eyes at his way. Both youths gazed at each other with a similar amount of embarrassment and exasperation.

That caught Sebastian's attention and he narrowed his eyes down at his nephew in accusation. “How do you even know his surname?”

Carl looked at Aina as if asking for help from her, but she shrugged and averted her eyes to her father.

Kimi saved him from making the decision and declared. “I am his maths teacher.”

After gaping at Kimi in a moment's shock, Sebastian collected himself and laughed out loud, finding the turn of the events both hilarious and as another way to make a jibe at the other man. “Wow! So, they employ such rude people like you to educate our kids, huh?”

“This is too much.” Kimi got up and took his coat, grumbling even as he walked towards the exit. “I came here to apologize and I did. So I am leaving.”

Aina regarded Sebastian murderously before she followed after him. “That was rude.”

Carl ran after her, apologizing on Sebastian's behalf even though the said man didn't even turn around to look. “I am terribly sorry, Aina.”

The blonde girl huffed, but there was no reason to take her anger on him. “Just please don't create any rumors about this at school, okay?”

Carl looked wounded at the insinuation. “Your father is my all time favorite teacher and I look up to him. I would never do such a thing.”

Aina was relieved and showed it with a smile, making Carl relax and smile, too. “Thanks, see you at school.”

“Yeah, see you around.” Carl was quite happy, but hid it when he turned back and met Sebastian's disapproving gaze.

“What?” He pursed his lips at Sebastian. “You ruined this for me, she must be hating my guts. I won't forgive you if she never talks to me again.” He craftily hid how she had implied that they could continue talking.

“Why? She is not even that cute. Cold like her father, that little ice cube…” Sebastian tilted his head backwards with an air of superiority.

“And please don't insult my teacher's proficiency again, because he is the best at what he does.”

Sebastian put his hands in his pockets, his stance even more challenging. “Ah, forgot you were a fanboy of that teacher. Now that we know he is the father of your friend, he must have elevated to a godly status.” 

Carl looked at him long and hard, disappointed and judging. “That was really, _really_ rude and acting like this doesn't suit you. You should have apologized, too…”

Carl's serious reprimand made Sebastian falter in his act, making him self-conscious. His smile dropped and his feet shuffled around, kicking imaginary dirt on the floor. Maybe his nephew was right, he went a bit overboard, but his pride was wounded in front of a lot of people and it had been this close for his name to get slandered. He shrugged. “I was a bit rude, yes, but I won't apologize. He should have seen that coming.”

Carl watched him go and shut himself in his office and sighed deeply. Sometimes he wondered who was older and who was younger.

_TBC..._


	2. Strangers in the Night

Kimi was sitting at their usual table during the recess, gazing at the lesson notes before him unseeingly. He was sighing every now and then without being aware of it.

Jenson was flipping through a book of modern plays, but he got distracted by Kimi's sullen behavior. “You look so out of it, mate. Why are you distracted?”

Kimi glanced back at him, his frown deepening in a rare show if discomfort. “I am worried about Aina.”

“Why, what happened?” Lewis asked, his attention caught.

“Everything alright?” Nico stopped his writing.

Kimi looked back at the other men's genuine concern and secretly felt happy for having them in his life. “She has been chatting with a boy and I got a bit paranoid, and things happened…” He gave a roundabout answer, but Nico being Nico, recapped his pen and made a show of giving all his attention to Kimi.

“What things, tell us about it…”

Jenson smiled at the younger man's curiosity and turned back to Kimi. “Normally nothing could ruffle you up this much. Care to share?”

Kimi suppressed another sigh again and told them everything.

“You must admit that this takes the cake in being the most hilarious thing of this year…” Nico was trying to be polite and not laugh, but he was failing.

“Well, laugh all you want, I'll see you doing better when you have a kid, Nico.” Kimi couldn't help but also smile at his situation ruefully.

“And I think you should own up to putting ideas in Kimi's head, leading to this mess.” Lewis reminded Nico and the said man instantly sobered.

“I didn't know Vettel was the owner of that restaurant…” Jenson commented. “Wasn't he the star of the Formula One just a few years ago?”

“He made a horrible accident.” Lewis explained, the resident fan of motorsports. “He was badly hurt and stayed in hospital for quite some time.”

“That was three years ago when he was leading the championship with a good margin in points, right?” Nico asked.

“Yeah, the accident happened close to the end of the season but eventually it cost him the championship…”

A somber silence settled among them, Kimi's face belaying his discomfort upon the matter. “His nephew is in one of my classes and he is an exceptional student… Now he is totally afraid of me…” He changed the subject with a small smile at the way how the boy had looked subdued and apologetic thoughout his whole lecture.

“You'll have to have a word with him… He is a good lad.” Jenson assured. “It is also a good thing that Vettel chose to not dwell on the things you've told him.”

Nico snorted at the screen of his iPad, showing them one of the pictures of Sebastian taken for a magazine for men. “How could you tell someone this good-looking that he is a baldy?”

Lewis shook his head at him, amused both by Kimi's choice of adjectives and at the classy picture and the nice pose Sebastian had given for the mag. “Pretentious prick, huh?” He echoed Kimi's insult and the rest of them openly laughed at it.

“Some good friends you guys are…” Kimi berated the snickering trio without a real bite in his words.

Just as the four of them settled down, Jenson's phone alerted him to a text message and he opened it. Excitement filled his expression, immediately followed by surprise. That draw  everyone's attention on him.

Lewis was quick to question. “What is it, Jen? Bad news?”

Jenson shook his head, his face gradually looking amused and mystfied at the same time. “Brittny found the person who bought the building.”

“And?”

“And he is Sebastian Vettel.”

Nico began laughing unabashedly and Lewis covered his mouth to stop himself from giving the same reaction and angering Kimi. Jenson was simply smiling in fond exasperation at all of them as Kimi groaned deeply when the laughter ceased and they all turned their big expectant eyes on him.

* * *

Carl was determined to make Sebastian apologize to his teacher, so he actively tried to appear sullen, picking at his dinner and refusing to meet Sebastian's eyes again just as he had been doing for the past two days now.

Sebastian really hated the silence at the table, his guilty conscience eating him up, diminishing his appetite. “Is everything alright?” He asked softly, trying to get Carl to talk to him.

Carl shrugged, the perfect portrait of a dejected teenager. “I guess…”

Sebastian pushed his fork back to his plate a bit noisily and prodded further. “Is the girl ignoring you?”

Finally getting the attention he wanted, Carl cheered internally, but didn't break his act. “Seb, the one we hurt was not Aina, we hurt my teacher…” He voiced his honest opinion, gazing into Sebastian's serious eyes imploringly.

“He was this close to damaging my reputation in front of so many guests… Can you imagine the repercussions of it if that was heard by the media?” Sebastian reasoned in a measured and calm voice.

“Yes, but it was a misunderstanding, caused partially by you doing things behind my back even though you had good intentions.” At this point, Carl stopped pretending, feeling actually put out. “Seb, please apologize. I can't even look him in the eye during his lessons and I really love Maths and he used to commend me and my grades and I want it back.”

“Does he treat you differently now?”

“No! He is not petty like that, he is calm and smiles a lot and cracks jokes and explains everything so well.” Carl stopped himself with a huff, realizing that he was giving Sebastian ammunition to doubt him.

“Are you a bi, Carl?” Sebastian asked with a small smile, sincere and fond in a parental way.

“No, I only like girls.”

“But it sounds very much like you are crushing on your teacher?” He raised an eyebrow, still smiling.

“Then you have to see how many guys are in his fan club.”

Utterly amused, Sebastian whistled. “Not that I am judging you, he’s got the good looks, very mature and those nice eyes… Cool and piercing...”

“Hey, am I detecting sarcasm?” Carl frowned, indignant at the way his uncle chuckled at him. “I would bet on your Ferrari that if you'd known him, you'd fall for him, too.”

“So, he is _that_ charming, you say…” Sebastian nodded with a show of being impressed, his mood lifting up a bit by purposefully riling up his nephew.

“He is nothing like some of the other overbearing, condescending, cold teachers.”

“Well, he looks overbearing, condescending and cold…” Seb argued and Carl rolled his eyes.

“You don't know him, Seb. Now, will you please apologize?” He pressed, hoping that his uncle would be willing to clear the waters.

Sebastian sighed deeply and leaned back in his chair, serious again. “Okay…” He relented. “Let's hope that he won't say or do anything rude again and force me to actually sue him this time…”

Carl couldn't help but smile, taking up his utensils again to eat. “You are such a swell guy, uncle. My hero!” He buttered his uncle up with those last words that he had been saying since he was just a little kid watching him speeding on the tracks.

“That, I'd better be…” Sebastian answered, aware that he was willingly playing into his nephew's hand.

* * *

“She was feeling a bit down the weather, I took her to a doctor.” Rami, Kimi's older brother, was explaining their mother's condition to him over the phone.

“How is she now?” Kimi was pacing the garage, worried.

“The meds made her sleepy, so I tucked her into her bed. She'll be fine, don't worry, just a mild cold.” Rami assured.

Kimi nodded even though there was no one to see it. “Thank you, brother…”

“She is my mother, too, Kimi…” Rami remined, his voice sounding amused.

“How is her garden? Has the frost already settled in?” Kimi knew that their mother deeply loved her flowers and shrubs as they turned into one of the few things that kept her going, along with her dog and her grandchildren.

“The garden is fine… I got someone to clean up the whithered bits and took most of the flower pots inside the house.”

Kimi smiled to himself at his older brother's thoughtfulness. “You are a life saver…”

Rami chuckled at the compliment. “I know you can't stop fretting over the things here, but just leave them to me until you come here next summer.”

“I'll do that, Rami…” Kimi was honestly grateful for having such a dependable big brother, because he was willingly postponing his relocation to another part of the country to take care of their mother.

Kimi hung up after exchanging goodbyes. He unseeingly looked at his tools mounted on the wall of the garage, covering nearly the whole expanse of it. His gaze was clouded in thought as he left his phone on his work surface and shrugged off his black hoodie. Cleaning the machine oil from his daily clothes was a bitch, but he didn't bother to wear his overalls. He approached the old Volkswagen belonging one of his neighbors of six years and began working on it. As he tinkered with the spark plug caps of the car, his mind drifted.

Rami had been promoted to a better branch of the company that he had been working for, but after their father's death, he had to be the one to take care of their mother.

Their mother was a proud and stubborn woman, refusing to leave her house and move in with either one of her sons. But her health was deteriorating and she needed care.

Rami, already living close to her, had undertaken the task lovingly, but he had to leave before the autumn of the new year.

Kimi had asked him to hold on until Aina's university entrance exams were done with, not wanting to tear her away from her friends and teachers for only five or six months. After that, he was going to resign from his job, sell this house and everything in it and then leave here to live with his mother in her remaining time.

He had just recently turned 39, but many would have called his behavior prematurely reclusive for his age. Maybe he really was so, but he was fed up with everything that he had been going through these past six or so years. He knew that Aina had the potential to ace her exams and enter the program she wanted so badly, automotive engineering. So, when she'd achive her dream, he was going to consider his work done and just go away to his hometown where he would be finally free of his past.

Thinking about the gone by times only served to give him a headache, so he just concentrated on his work and forgot the time.

When he returned back to the house, it was close to eleven pm and Aina was getting ready to bed, brushing her long blond hair. As soon as she saw him and the state of his t-shirt and jeans, she made a face, but then shook her head in fond exasperation upon the loopsided smile on her father's lips.

“You reek of oil and gas.” She kissed his cheek. “You need a thorough washing.”

“Yes, Ma'am.” Kimi cheekily made a formal salutation.

Aina humored him, saluting him back with a smile. "Goodnight, soldier." She left him to his cleaning up and went back to her room. Before climbing up to her bed, she saw the notification light for her chatting app blinking on the corner of her phone.

When she opened it, she got impressed with Carl's tenacity.

_‘Seb’s coming to school tomorrow. Hope he won't blow it up. Night!’_

Aina appreciated the effort greatly, so she thought that maybe she would let Carl sit with her during lunch tomorrow.

* * *

Kimi had just returned from lunch with Jenson and Lewis, still having a few minutes left till his next lesson. As he was getting ready, there came a knock at the already open door of their recess room and all their eyes turned to the man who was standing there.

It was Sebastian Vettel and Kimi felt his face settling into a cold seriousness immediately.

“Hello…” Sebastian greeted the three of them, noting  the different expressions on all their faces. “Mr.Raikkönen, if you have some time, I'd like to talk to you…” He asked.

For a second, Kimi didn't know what to do, what was the better thing to do. He averted his eyes from the soft and expectant smile of their nicely dressed intruder and tinkered with the books in front of him before finally turning to Jenson and Lewis to needlessly announce that he was going to be right back.

He followed the other man out, walking towards a secluded area where they could hear each other. He stopped with Sebastian standing right in front of him. Keeping his expression neutral, Kimi listened to him.

Sebastian looked at the teacher carefully for the first time since they had met and saw that same measured, distant but provocative coldness in the other man's gaze judging him. “Mr. Räikkönen, I have come here to apologize for my rudeness the other day. I am sorry to have insulted you without actually trying to solve that misunderstanding.”

Kimi was honestly surprised to witness this prideful man going out of his way to come and apologize. He nodded and let the man talk as he seemed to have more to say.

“You know my nephew is in one of your classes. He was really distressed about losing your good opinion of him because of this.”

Kimi interjected. “I am not that sort of a person and Carl is one of my best students. So, there is nothing for him to worry about academic-wise.” He assured. “Infact, when he acted withdrawn after the incident between us, I thought he needed time, so I didn't want to bother him. I guess he had misunderstood my reaction.”

Sebastian was pleased to find out that Carl's claims about his teacher was true. This man was fair and non biased when it came to his students. Taking courage from that, he went on with a shy smile. “Carl seems to enjoy chatting with your daughter. You can trust him, he is a good boy. I hope you'll let him continue keeping in touch with Aina.”

Kimi had known Carl for nearly two years now and didn't need anyone to vouch for him. “As a father, I want Aina to be surrounded with nice people, Mr. Vettel..”

“I know…” Sebastian tried to assure him, but Kimi didn't let him.

“No, you don't. You don't have a daughter. Sometimes, I overreact, just like I did with you and for which I am sorry.” He looked into the dark blue eyes of the younger man, seeing them carry a pained expression. “I accept your apology. Thank you for coming here to talk to me.” He hoped that it would be enough to persuade the other to drop this subject.

Just then, the bell signalling the end of the recess time chimed and Kimi leaned to the general direction of the stairs. “I need to go but before that, I must say the decision isn't mine to make. If Aina wants, she'll continue…” He cleared up Sebastian's question about if he'd let his daughter continue being friends with Carl.

Sebastian openly beamed at his answer, his smile wide and sincere. “Thank you, Mr. Räikkönen. Sorry for taking your time.”

Kimi thought that a small smile of his own couldn't hurt, so he nodded his head and realized that Sebastian faltered a bit before his eyes drifted to somewhere behind him.

Kimi turned around and saw Lewis and Jenson carrying his lesson materials with them. “I really need to go. Good day, Mr. Vettel.”

“Good day to you, too.” Sebastian watched him going back to his colleagues and he greeted them, too, before heading for the exit.

Lewis had a half serious half joking smile on his face as they began walking tobtheir classrooms. “So, you are going to be in-laws with Sebastian Vettel, huh?” He handed Kimi his materials.

“What in-laws?” Kimi questioned, not catching the meaning of the joke.

“He practically asked you if his nephew could date Aina, mate.” Lewis pointed out.

“And you gave them the go if they so wished…” Jenson quipped.

Kimi eyed the of them with a glare, but it only amused them both further.

After a pause, Jenson finally found the courage to make his request with his best winning smile. “Please ask him to rent that place to our charity…”  

“I am sure he'll consider it seriously if you are the one approaching him about this.” Lewis didn't give Kimi the time to refuse. “He seems to be quite the gentleman, talking nicely like that… I think he can be persuaded.”

Kimi couldn't even ask how much of their conversation Lewis and Jenson had overheard as he stood there, without being able to utter a single word over their endless stream of words.

“Please, Kimi… Help us, mate. He looks filthy rich, I am sure he could find himself somewhere else to buy or rent, but we can't…” Jenson practically begged.

Lewis continued. “Here we have a connection with him through you, please do this for us, for the kids… That would be a tremendous help, Kimi.”

His resistance rapidly vanishing, Kimi looked at the hopeful faces of his friends and sighed deeply. “Alright…” He conceeded. “I'll go to his place and explain the situation.”

Both Jenson and Lewis patted his shoulders enthusiastically, overjoyed that Kimi had accepted their request.

“You know if it weren't for the sake of the kids…” Kimi mumbled, a bit down for being roped into visiting Sebastian.

“Yes, you are the biggest softie when it comes to the good of the kids.” Jenson knew that if Kimi Räikkönen didn't want to do something, nothing could change his mind other than Aina and a kid in need.

Kimi shook his head at him in fond exasperation as they walked to their classrooms.

“Well, I think you might use a bit of your charm, too, to make your job easier?” Lewis offered, changing the subject, drawing Kimi's surprised eyes on himself.

“I don't do charm, Lewis.” Kimi raised an eyebrow at the younger man.

“What? Are you blind or something? He was totally checking you out.” Lewis argued. “Wasn't he, Jen?”  

Jenson chuckled. “Yes, his eyes never stopped looking at you until he realized us being there.”

Kimi _tsked_ at their nonchalance without any real anger. “You love listening in on people too much for your own good.”

“Why wouldn't I?” Lewis defended himself. “He is Sebastian Vettel, mate! The king of the formula one without a crown...”

Kimi wondered if Sebastian was really that famous. Seeing that he tried to avoid the motorsports media like the plague, there was no way for him to know for himself.

As if on cue, Jenson answered his unspoken question. “Since the day he'd entered the world of motorsports, Vettel seems to have been open about his sexuality. He is a bi.”

That struck a cord within Kimi's heart. _Open, huh? Unlike a certain someone_ , he thought.

“So, he is popular for being down to earth among everyone. And I mean _everyone_.” Lewis stopped before one of the lab doors. “Just be your usual charismatic self, man.” He advised with a smirk and Jenson made a thumbs up gesture with an amused expression before disappearing through another classroom door, leaving Kimi alone in the corridor.

Kimi resisted rolling his eyes even though there was no one to see him. “Sometimes I really can't tell if you guys are serious or sharing a private joke on me…” He murmured.

* * *

Two days later, Kimi didn’t have any afternoon classes, so he was in Sebastian's restaurant, asking after him.

Though it was around the midday rush, the place was so orderly and peaceful that Kimi couldn't help but admire it. Yet, Sebastian wasn't present.

Kimi was given the home address of the said man, which was of course located in the most expensive district of the city. And he thought that it wouldn't hurt to visit him and finish what he had started.

Meanwhile, Sebastian was moaning in pain, reclined on his large couch in the livingroom with a thick blanket draped over him. He was coughing and shivering every now and then, feeling completely miserable.

He checked nearly half of his contacts on his phone and sent them the exact same text message, grimacing. “Some friends you are… Why aren't any of you calling me back when I actually need it?” He grumbled before falling into another coughing fit.

Earlier, when he was fine, he had given a few days off to his house keeper and with Carl being at school, there was no one to look after him.

Left to his own devices, he simply lay there on the couch, continuing to pity his loneliness until his doorbell rang.

Extremely happy that someone actually came to his aid, he forced himself to get up and open the door. But his hopeful smile froze on his lips. His guest was none other than his nephew's teacher.

Kimi took in the totally ragged and miserable state of the younger man, trying his best to not show his surprise, in case it might offend Sebastian.

“Mr. Räikkönen?” Sebastian greeted him with his scratchy voice, his blanket draped over his shoulders, his dark blond curls falling over his forehead messily.

“It seems I have a horrible timing…” Kimi took a step away.

“I wasn't expecting you. Sorry for the state that I am in, I've got a cold.” Seb explained needlessly.

“Ah, yes… There seems to be an outbreak. You should be careful.” Kimi advised just for the sake of saying something.

“Of course…” Sebastian agreed just as awkwardly.

Thinking that he shouldn't intrude on the sick man any longer, Kimi made as if he was going to leave. “Well, then… Sorry to disturb you, hope you’ll get better soon…”

“No, no… Please come in…” Sebastian offered hastily, because he really needed the company of someone now.

Kimi clearly hesitated. “I shouldn't interrupt your rest…” He tried to excuse himself, but Sebastian was persistent.

“It is too cold.” He opened the door further and made way. “Please come in and warm up a bit before you leave.”

Unable to say no, Kimi followed Sebastian into the luxurious villa with small cautious steps.

Sebastian dragged his feet back to his couch and offered Kimi a seat beside him, coughing in between wheezing breaths.

Kimi approached and watched the other man practically flop onto the leather couch, hugging his blanket to himself like a lifeline. He sat down gingerly on the edge of the seating, looking over the other man this short of coughing his lungs out.

“Some terrible cold you have…” He felt guilty for intruding upon Seb, because his host looked ready to pass out right where he sat. “Do you have your meds, Mr. Vettel?”

Sebastian shook his head and leaned back, curling up. “Don’t want to take them. I hate meds and please call me with my name.”

His eyes widening a bit at the request, Kimi complied. “Okay, Sebastian…” It was only fair to let the younger man to use his given name, too. “You can call me Kimi, then.”

“Alright, Kimi…” Sebastian smiled at his way sleepily, making Kimi wonder if he was this trusting and friendly, too, when he had a clearer head.

He pitied Sebastian because of his incessant coughing and was a bit shocked to see that he had no one to care for him. “If you mix and eat some ginger, honey and quince, it really helps with the cough…” It was a home remedy he did for Aina whenever she complained about having to eat medicine and it always worked.

Sebastian whimpered, his head swimming. “All in the kitchen, but I can't even lift a finger.” He looked at Kimi with dead-tired eyes, their lovely blue color bleary. “Sorry for being such a terrible host.”

Kimi's shoulders sagged in exasperation when he realized that Sebastian was subtly asking him to make some of his home remedy for him. Surprisingly, the feeling was not a negative one, mostly resembling to having to care for an overgrown and petulant child.

He got up and shrugged off his coat and scarf. He went into the ridiculously large and pristine kitchen. Finding the ingredients proved to be a task, but he managed to prepare his mix.

When he returned, Sebastian sat a bit straight and took the offered spoon and plate, but he couldn't handle the spoon right, his hands trembling and weak.

Kimi took the utensils from him and patiently fed him spoonful after spoonful as Sebastian watched him through his long eyelashes, radiating gratefulness.

“Is bittersweet…” Seb mumbled to him between the morsels with a childish small smile that had Kimi snort at him fondly. He wondered how much of this Sebastian was going to remember when he'd get better.

After feeding him, Kimi tried to explain the reason of his visit, sitting awkwardly on the edge of the couch, playing with the plate and the spoon in his hands. “I know this is not a good time, but I came here to talk about something with you.” He took a deep breath. “My colleagues at school have founded a charity for the sake of kids with disadvantages, completely free of charge… They need a location to use for organizing funding events, exhibitions and workshops. They asked to be shown a suitable place from the administration of the city, but the building that they showed them was bought by you recently… My friends wonder if you would be…” Kimi turned to his side to look at Sebastian, but the other man was unconscious, his limbs sprawled over the couch as if he had just passed out.

Worried, Kimi called his name and checked his temperature, finding that Seb was running a terrible fever.

He got up and helped Sebastian to lay down completely, taking away the thick blanket from him. He gently covered Seb with the thinner quilt that he took from the edge of the couch. Then, he got his coat and made for the door. But Sebastian's pitiful moan and wheeze made him stop in his tracks.

When Kimi turned around, he saw Sebastian looking at him with sad needy eyes, one of his hands reaching for him.

“Stay?” Seb asked of him and Kimi sighed, his defenses breached. He draped his coat over a chair and helped Sebastian to find a better position, the younger man looking relieved now that he knew he wasn't going to be alone.

“We need to cool you down a bit, Sebastian.” Kimi mumbled soothingly and searched for a small towel, then filled a bowl with tap water to wipe at Seb's forehead, face and hands. His careful ministrations helped Seb to fall into a dreamless sleep almost instantly.

Kimi watched him for sometime, resigned to his uncalled for task of patient care. When he realized that he felt sleepy, too, he left Seb to his rest and went back to the kitchen.

He searched for linden, sage and other herbs to make a tea for Seb to drink when he'd wake up. As he waited for the tea to steep, he observed the house.

This place looked less lived in and used than most places Kimi had seen before. It was designed with too much metallic colors, making it seem cold, dark and office like. Kimi didn't like this kind of places where people seemed to be the decorations instead of the furniture and the whatnot.

The livingroom was so large that it looked empty even though there was a big dining table, a large and intricate bookcase that covered nearly a whole wall, loaded with books and mags on motorsports and cooking, with framed pictures of Sebastian and possibly his family littered here and there.

Kimi approached and looked at them, seeing little Carl with his deceased parents, an old couple, and Sebastian in his restaurant with his staff and friends. There were also quite a number of stylized bull and horse statues scattered around and they reminded Kimi if two F1 teams. But there was no picture from his F1 carrier, no trophies or any other thing that might be connected to his time in the said sports. Kimi could only guess that Sebastian had to be avoiding getting reminded of those times, but for what reason? Was Sebastian scared of those times because of his accident or was he missing them too much that remembering hurt? Kimi had no way of knowing that infact both were the case.

He got out of his musings when he heard Sebastian whimpering and talking unintelligibly in his sleep but this time it was different, because he seemed to be having a nightmare.

Kimi approached the sleeping man and saw him trying to curl up in on himself, his brows furrowed and sweat trickling down from his hair line. When Sebastian jerked a few times as if in fear or trying to get away from something, Kimi sat down close to his pillow and gently wiped at his sweat, shushing him like he'd do to Aina whenever she would have fever nightmares.

Sebastian desperately reached for his hand, clutching at it. He brought Kimi's hand close to his face, the contact apparently soothing him and chasing the bad dream away.

Kimi couldn't quite bring himself to get angry for being inconvenienced like this, because he knew what it meant to be alone and in need. He'd been there and seen it all, so he thought that he could lend his hand to Sebastian some more.

* * *

Carl reached home dead beat from his football practice, sweaty and distracted. The first thing that caught his attention was the nice smell of the aromatic herbs that hung in the air, spicy, warm and a reminder of his real home.

In search of the source of the smell, he headed for the kitchen, but stopped frozen in the middle of the livingroom, his eyes widening comically at the sight greeting him.

For a few seconds, he stood there awkwardly in silence, not knowing what to do until he thought of immortalizing the scene with a picture before he tiptoed to his room.

When Aina's laptop pinged with the alert of her chat app, she was doing her homework. Smiling a little, she opened the message only to frown at her screen.

 _'You won't believe what I have found at home…’_ Carl had written and a picture was loading. She clicked on the thumbnail and felt grateful for not having anything in her mouth, because she sputtered indignantly at the picture. For a a few seconds, she could only stare at it since she didn't know what kind of a reaction she should give at the sight.

In the picture, her father was sitting on a large couch, slumped to his left side, his head tilted into an uncomfortable angle with a man practically laying on his legs, his head on Kimi's lap, one of his arms possessively hugging Kimi's middle with his face buried in his crotch. Kimi's left hand was buried in the dark blonde curls of the other man who was unmistakably Sebastian Vettel.

Aina felt her cheeks going red even though she could see that the two men were asleep. It was such a promiscuous pose that anyone would have felt scandalous at the first glance. “What the hell are you doing, Dad?” She exhaled a long suffering sigh, curious how he had ended up in this situation with the younger man.

 _‘Did you wake them up?’_ She typed and Carl instantly answered.

_‘I couldn't dare. Any sane person would have left them to their own devices.’_

_'I guess this will be enough trauma for you for a lifetime.’_

_'Not at all… Believe me, I have stumbled upon worse. This is actually cute and their pose is hilarious.’_ Carl wrote back.

Aina could only imagine what it was like to live with a popular playboy.

 _'Yea, good blackmailing material…’_ She was still looking at the picture, wondering how her father was going to explain this to her.

* * *

Kimi woke up with an ache in his neck and sat up straight, correcting his posture with a grimace. His motions caused someone to stir on his lap and alarmed, he looked down.

“Ah… Jack, thanks for coming…” Sebastian mumbled sleepily and tightened his hold, but his mind quickly cleared and told him that he was hugging the wrong person. He looked up only to meet a pair of rapidly widening blue-grey eyes gazing down at him in open shock.

Sebastian quickly scrambled back off from the other man's lap and Kimi got up, his whole body tense and his expression unreadable. He took his coat and rushed to the main door, not heeding Sebastian's calls for him and his apologies.

Sebastian watched Kimi practically escape from the house as if it was burning. He considered going after him, but then decided that it might be a bad idea. He sat back down and hugged the quilt to himself, thinking.

Their promiscuous position aside, Sebastian's brain quickly came up with an array of sensations that he had gotten during his sleep draped over a man that he barely knew.

Kimi had a thin waist, his tapering fingers had moved among his curls gently, relaxing him and taking away his headache. He smelled of pine and strangely enough, motor oil. His voice had soothed him back to sleep, keeping his demons and fears away.

Despite himself, remembering all these made Sebastian shiver pleasantly and he realized that he hadn't slept this well since his accident. The knowledge both surprised and amused him, so he followed the sweet smell of the herbs into the kitchen with a wide smile on his face.

* * *

That evening Aina was upon her feet the instant she heard the door lock turning. She rushed to Kimi's side and although he looked the same, she could see that he was a bit distressed, as if he didn't want Aina to learn about where he had been.

Never one for subtility, being her father's copy, she asked him where he had been.

“Let me have a breather, will you?” Kimi demanded, hanging up his coat. He seriously considered lying, but there was Carl and he might have heard about him and Sebastian, so…

“I was at your friend's house…” He began and told Aina everything as she stood outside his bedroom door and let him get changed.

“But why do you look like you have seen a ghost then?” Aina pressed for the explanation of that picture, but Kimi got out, shrugged.

“Too cold outside…” He mumbled and hugged himself with a _brrrrr_ to add effect. When he saw that she didn't buy it, he grinned at his daughter loopsidedly. “You are hungry? I am hungry. Let's eat… What shall I cook for you?” And he dug into the fridge.

Aina sighed silently, letting Kimi off the hook, but she decided to not erase that hilarious picture from her laptop.

* * *

“Why didn't you talk about our project?” Nico was questioning Kimi, already privy of Kimi's visit to Sebastian's place thanks to Lewis.

“I am telling you, he was running a fever. He keeled over himself as if he was going to die any minute.” Kimi explained a bit irritated.

“And you stayed with him?” Nico guessed correctly with that infuriating smile of his.

Kimi considered not answering, but thought that if Nico was going to speculate, at least he should speculate about the truths. “Yes, I did.” He accepted and his friends’ faces broke into sly smiles. “What? He was in pain and had nobody around to care for him. Just a jest for ignoring my earlier behavior…”

Lewis shared a look with Jenson. “As you say, mate…” He smiled, but it fell short. “We are quite unlucky. This was a good chance…”

The others agreed, disappointed of the outcome of Kimi's endeavor. Silence fell over their group only to be disturbed by Kimi's phone ringing.

It was an unknown number, but Kimi took the call.

_“Hello, Kimi. It's Seb. Sebastian…”_

It was so silent in the room that everyone present at the table heard the cheery voice of the younger man, their expressions lighting up with Nico mouthing a silent _'Seb?’_ to the others, amused.

Kimi blinked a few times, finally greeting Sebastian back a bit lamely due to his surprise. “Hello?”

_“Ah, I got your number through Carl from Aina. I hope you don't mind?”_

“It's okay…” Kimi shrugged as if Sebastian could see.

 _“I am really sorry for making you stay with me that day and forcing you to witness that side of me. I must have been such a bother. But, thank you so much for not leaving me alone in that state.”_ Sebastian was sincere, his voice belaying how grateful he was.

“It wasn't a bother at all, are you well now?”

_“Yes, yes… Thanks to your tea, it was so nice and smelled like home…”_

That put a small smile upon Kimi's face and all his friends could see it. “Mom’s receipt…” He mumbled fondly. “I am glad that you are feeling fine.”

 _“As good as new…”_ Sebastian chuckled and went on. _“And about that… I want to invite you to the restaurant for dinner as a thank you. When are you free?”_

It had been quite some time since he had been asked out by someone else other than his friends, so Kimi was a bit hesitant, but when he looked back at his friends, they were all nodding at him enthusiastically. “Okay… This evening?” He asked and heard Sebastian's nice laugh.

_“I am so glad you accepted. I'll be waiting around at eight, Kimi. See you then.”_

* * *

When Kimi entered the restaurant, there was no one to be seen, not even the headwaiter or any other staff to welcome him.

“Hello?” He announced his arrival and saw someone tinkering about through the open kitchen doors.

“A moment, Kimi!” Sebastian called from the inside, checking the oven for the state of the meat. Then, he rushed to the dining area, smiling in an easy way. “Good evening, thanks for coming.” He offered his hand and Kimi shook it, a smile of his own appearing on his lips without thinking.

“Are you the one cooking?” Kimi pointed to the long apron around Sebastian's waist in a bit of disbelief.

Sebastian laughed at his scepticism as he helped him out of his coat and then to their table. “I am not much of a cook, but I like being in the kitchen.” He poured Kimi some red wine. “Though I must confess tonight's menu was prepared by my best chef.”

Kimi didn't know what to say other than thanking the younger man. “Am I the only guest tonight?” He asked as an afterthought.

“Today, we weren't open due to the maintenance work in the kitchen.” Seb explained and disappeared back to the kitchen after excusing himself.

Kimi actually felt relieved to have worn his best suit, seeing that Sebastian was smartly dressed in a black three piece again.

As he waited, he looked around. The low lights on the tables and the walls were creating a soft ambiance, even though the interior decoration was modern in a sharp metallic way, with block colours of pristine white, red and gunmetal grey. In all honesty, it resembled to a Ferrari car, sleek and reeking of money and status.

“I have heard of this place before, but never dined here. It is beautiful. Like a new Ferrari…” Kimi observed.

That made Sebastian chuckle as he prepared two servings. “Believe it or not, decorating it like this was Carl's idea.”

Kimi shook his head with a fond smile. “Just like Aina, he has a thing for cars..."

Sebastian came back, pushing a service trolley. He placed the dishes on their table with a florish, opening their silver lids proudly.

“Looks nice…” Kimi looked up at him, his face relaxed into a smile.

Sebastian liked being the one to put that expression on Kimi's face and sat back to his seat. He looked at the other man long and hard, taking advantage of the moment when Kimi took his utensils and began cutting his meat.

Kimi was wearing a nice dark grey suit that complemented his pale coloring and Sebastian felt warm inside when he realized that the other man had actually put quite the effort into his looks. His blonde hair was longish at the top, shiny and a lighter shade than his own. He had a straight nose with a cute pointy tip. His fingers were long and his wrists were delicate and Sebastian could remember how those hands had chased his nightmare away.

With a wistful sigh, he came back to himself, realizing that he had been rudely staring. To cover that, he asked. “Does it also taste nice?”

Kimi nodded sincerely. “My compliments to your chef…” He praised.

“Please bring your friends here one day. I will personally prepare a menu for you all.” Sebastian offered and Kimi smiled a bit ruefully.

“They'd have to forget about half of their salary then.” He half joked, half told the truth.

“I’ll give them a discount?” Seb offered, though he seemed like joking, he was completely serious about it.

“Yeah… A restaurant with two Michelin stars isn't somewhere for teachers like us to frequent, but I'm going to hold you to your word.”

Sebastian chuckled again, drinking from his wine. “Anytime, Kimi…”

They ate a few more morsels before Sebastian stood up to refill his and Kimi's glass and asked. “Won't you ask about what I am doing here cooking instead of racing on the tracks?” He honestly wondered.

Kimi gazed back at Sebastian's eyes that seemed to have a darker color in the low lights. He detected a sombre pain in them although Sebastian was smiling cordially. “Would you like to talk?” He asked instead. “If you'd like to talk, I am good at listening.”

Sebastian felt relieved to find that Kimi cared only as much as he did. Oftentimes, he was asked questions that hurt him but he had to answer politely. So, he hated talking about his why and how's, but strangely enough, he wanted to talk to Kimi.

“I had an accident and broke a vertebra in the small of my back and severely hurt my neck. I went through a few operations and after a year spent in hospitals, I could finally walk.” He told Kimi with a certain detachment that came with telling this same story over and over again. Kimi had stopped eating and listened to him, his eyes never looking away, but unreadable.

“For a long time, let alone an F1 car, I got scared of sitting in a normal one.” He forced himself to go on, taking courage from Kimi's steady gaze. “My therapist advised me to busy myself with something that was the complete opposite of racing in risk and safety-wise, so I am here… Cooking…”

Kimi couldn't help but note the use of the words, _busy myself with_. “Do you want to return?” He knew that Sebastian wanted him to ask this, because apparently even he couldn't face it himself yet.

Feeling as if his mind was read, Sebastian cocked his head a bit, awkwardly smiling, but his smile was forced. “I want to, but I am also so afraid of it that I can't even bring myself to watch a race without pacing around the room.” He confessed, looking down at his food as if he was feeling ashamed of his reaction.

Kimi recalled the times that he had to placate a certain someone when he'd wake up from his nightmares after a particularly nasty crash. He had witnessed the pain of fear and the desire to not get overwhelmed by it clash with each other many times. “Maybe you have realized that there is something more important than racing?” He told him as if asking a question, but the answer was already clear in Sebastian's head.

“My life?” He asked, a bit doubtful as if he actually didn't value it that much.

“You want that to not matter as much as you're conscious of it now, but once your priorities change, it takes some time to realign yourself.” Kimi took up his utensils again.

Sebastian frowned a bit at Kimi's words. “You speak as if out of experience…” He was feeling lighter now that he had someone to talk about it that seemed to understand him.

“Could be…” Kimi shrugged, unwilling to elaborate. “I knew someone who made a different choice than yours. His priorities weighed heavier than his family… Even more than his fear of death.”

It sounded like Kimi was relieving a bad memory, his eyes sharper and his mouth set in a thin line. So, Sebastian did not press for further information even though he really wondered about whom Kimi was talking. “Hopefully, he is still alive, right?” He joked.

Kimi wanted to say _‘Not anymore for me…’_ but he desisted and only nodded.

“So, what's your story?” Sebastian changed the subject.

Kimi chewed slowly, not wanting to talk about it, but Sebastian had been open about himself, so he thought he owed him. “I have been working as a teacher for several years now, living with my daughter. I have a mother that my older brother and his family looks after. They live in another city and I am stuck here until Aina takes her university entrance exams.”

“And Aina's mother?” Sebastian had the distinct impression that Kimi had been single for quite some time.

“Father…” Kimi corrected, watching an unreadable expression cross the younger man's face. “We had her through a surrogate mother and when we got divorced, she was given to my care by the court.”

So, that had to be why Kimi was too protective of his daughter. That knowledge gave way to another question. “May I ask why you got divorced?”

Kimi looked disturbed. But, more than being asked of this, he was disturbed because of remembering. “He couldn't get rid of his puberty libido, wanted more and got more, but never felt satisfied…” He grimaced, rubbing a hand at his face. “Sorry, I don't like talking about him.”

Regretting his questions, Sebastian nodded. “No, I am the one sorry if I made you lose your appetite.”

Kimi shrugged, digging into his dinner much more enthusiastically. “Let’s clean the bad taste.” He smiled and motioned for his host to continue eating.

Sebastian agreed; by now, his smile turning  constant. “There is nothing that some good food and wine can't make better.” Then he remembered something. “This might come across weird, but that day, I thought you smelled of motor oil.”

Kimi snickered at the memory of their promiscuous sleeping position. And Sebastian felt himself flush at the sight of his mirth.

“I know what you are thinking, and even though your smile is nice to see, please don't laugh.” And of course, that had the opposite effect on Kimi.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, but…” Kimi apologized in between his chuckles and Sebastian continued watching him, both amused and admiring.

When Kimi managed to stop himself, he saw the way Sebastian looking at him with a peaceful and soft expression. That undeniably made something to flutter in his stomach, but Kimi chalked it up to the wine he was drinking.

“That's because I like repairing cars.” He explained. “And no matter how much you scrub your hands, they still stink of oil…”

“No, no! They don't.” Sebastian was quick to protest. “I actually like the smell…” The blurted, but he realized how Kimi might have understood his words and amended quickly. “Not that it means anything.”

Kimi shrugged with a small _okay_ , accepting.

“Is that your hobby or something?”

“I am a mechanics engineer.” People knew he loved cars, but this was something not many were aware of and Sebastian looked impressed. “I used to work for a factory, but I relocated and a friend asked if I could give maths lessons…”

“That's wild…” Sebastian couldn't imagine the circumstances that had let to this decision. “I mean, being an engineer, but then dropping it all and teaching kids...”

“During my university years, I taught Maths to middle schoolers to make the ends meet and got a teaching sertificate while I was at it… Aina likes tinkering with car engines… And I just like passing time in my garage. Helps clearing my mind…” Kimi supposed there weren't many people who would abondon their real profession for some other job, but here he was, contend with being a teacher.

“Carl wants to be a mechanics engineer, too.” Seb told him. “Maybe that's why they have quickly become friends, him and Aina.”

“Could be…”

“Oh… So, they are taking you as a role model.” Sebastian figured, only just realizing why Carl had to be hogging books and magazines on mechanics and engineering since two years.

Kimi smiled, ducking his head shyly. “Could be…” He repeated criptically.

Seb chuckled, amazed at his discovery and finally seeing why Carl liked the man so much. Kimi had to be his idol.

“Then, you have to be a good enabler, because I always thought he wanted to be a footballer until this year.”

“We might be exchanging books and some mags and maybe some design blueprints.” Kimi got an immense satisfaction out of Sebastian's surprise. “And I think I have read most of the things in your little library at home.”

That made Seb's eyes widen before he laughed at remembering all those books and subscriptions that Carl had asked of him lately, unaware that Kimi was so proud of himself for entertaining the younger man so.

When Sebastian's laughter settled into a smile, he took up his wine glass. “It seems I have forgotten how much fun it could be to just talk and dine.” He confessed. “Talking with you is fun. Thank you for coming here.”

The warm look Sebastian was giving him was so unguarded and sincere that Kimi felt his cheeks feel equally warm, this time not because of the wine, but because of the adoration that Seb radiated. “Are you really sure after all those things I said to you?” He asked, doubtful.

Sebastian made a show of considering and then he nodded. “Yes, I am sure.” He decided and then chuckled conspiratorially. “It had been sometime since I had been called a pretentious prick to my face…”

“Oh my God…” Kimi actually covered his face at the embarrassing reminder, his shoulders trembling in supressed laughter.

Seb raised an amused eyebrow at him and went on. “Hmm… And let's not forget the _baldy asshole_ …”

“Stop that or I'll remind you of your _senile fart_.” Kimi threatened with a sly grin, but that only made Sebastian laugh until he felt his eyes tear up.

Kimi watched Seb's mirth, drinking more of his wine and thinking that he hadn't smiled this much for a long time. It felt really good and rejuvenating. “Thank you for inviting me, Sebastian. You are fun to be with.” He told him softly, grateful for the opportunity.

Touched and sobered up by Kimi's nice words, Sebastian felt his chest tighten at the sight of the relaxed and cool demeanor of Kimi, unable to take his eyes away from him. He caught himself staring, so he cleared his throat and stood up. “Right… I forgot I had something sweet, too.” He began walking to the kitchen. “Hope you like some ice cream with your dessert.” He called over his shoulder.

Having caught Sebastian’s earlier stare, Kimi shook his head, choosing  to think nothing of it. “Looking forward to it…” He called back and turned to look out of the window into the winter night, completely forgetting that he needed to talk to Sebastian about the charity project of his friends.

_TBC..._


	3. Livin' on a Prayer

When Britta told Sebastian that Fernando Alonso was in the city and had made a reservation, Seb quickly realized that there was more to it than just dining.

Recently retired from racing, Fernando had become the media face for Renault, signed up for starring in new TV commercials and doing PR work for the company. It wasn't difficult to guess that the Spaniard was now affiliated with the Renault F1 Team, too, seeing that he was their last world champion who had earned them two consecutive titles at the beginning of his career.

Sebastian was eager to host him. Sharing the latest gossip from the paddock had always been good. Though, during his stay at the sports, Sebastian had not gotten many opportunities to spend time with the other man, he knew he'd never miss the chance to talk to Fernando if the Spaniard would so desire to have his company.

And unsurprisingly, Fernando did just that when he arrived at the restaurant with three other men, immediately asking Sebastian to join them in their dinner.

Fernando's friends proved to be people from the media department, an executive member and someone from the management of the team. After the introductions and the usual genialities, Fernando dropped the bomb.

“The team needs someone for the winter tests. Someone reliable, who can work with the engineers well, who can feel and understand the car better than the newbies they have.” Fernando explained, his dark brown eyes hard and unreadable. “As someone who knows what a diligent and dedicated person you are, I recommended you to the higher-ups and here we are.” He wiped at his mouth and leaned back, completely in control of the whole table, his presence so strong and gripping.

Sebastian looked on at the faces of the other occupants of their table and saw expectant eyes directed at him. Especially the one from the management board had a really hopeful look, making Sebastian nervous at how to explain himself to the four males.

He smiled nervously, leaving his utensils aside and sitting straighter. His eyes involuntarily landed on Fernando's face, somehow feeling the need to explain himself to him first. “You have heard about my drawback, right?” He asked, not expecting an answer. “There are all kinds of rumors around claiming that I can't get into an F1 car even to save my own arse… You can't be serious about wanting me for testing your new car…” He snorted, leaning back, too.

Fernando's expression didn't change as he coolly regarded him, scratching at his beard. “Sure, the team heard things… But they don't care if they are true or not. What matters is if you want to drive for them or not.”

Ever being the one who could never lie, Sebastian shrugged, a bit dejected. “I do… I am dying to get into an F1 car, but I also fear that I might die if I get into one.”

Fernando's eyes narrowed down at his honesty and the other men gave mixed reactions.

“Testing can be a good stepping stone to ease your fears…” The manager suggested. “We can both reap the benefits. You can provide us the telemetry and we can give you a car to test your limits…”

Sebastian's heart was hammering so hard in his chest that he felt his palms going clammy and his mouth dry. He turned his eyes to Fernando's silently scrutinizing gaze and then back to his own plate, forlornly smiling at his indecisiveness.

“Mr. Vettel…” One of the other males tried one last time. “Two years is a long time to hide in here. Give yourself a chance to get over it.” He urged.

This was an exceptional offer, it really was. Sebastian knew that if he'd be able to please the team with his work, the principal and the team manager might even consider giving him a seat the next season, but he wasn't so sure if he was ready. “I don't think anyone would risk that much money on the whims of a driver who might chicken out of doing his job at the drop of a hat. Am I wrong?” He asked another question the answer of which he knew.

“We'd really want to see you with us.” The manager emphasized. “But if you're not ready, it is indeed unfortunate for the both of us.”

Sebastian pursed his lips, nodding meekly, feeling foolish and cowardly. “Thank you for considering me, I feel honored by your interest.” He turned them down politely, feeling his heart ache at his own words.

“This is a beautiful place.” Fernando spoke again, looking around and drinking from his wine. “Peaceful, relaxing…” His dark eyes bore into Sebastian's with a hint of challenge and derision. “But, you don't belong in here, Sebastian. Your place is on the tracks, you belong in a super car, not in a cozy kitchen.”

At Fernando's comment, for a second, Sebastian felt his blood burn his veins, but then, he remembered Kimi's words.

_“Maybe you have realized that there is something more important than racing?”_

Sebastian didn't know if he had actually found something he valued more than the thrill of the racing and the headiness of the success it brought, but that question helped grounding him for the moment.

“I am not ready, yet… But I will be.” He decisively tilted his head back as if he accepted Fernando's challenge. “Though, I don't know if any teams would be even willing to test me anymore, but, at least then, I would call myself a man who had won against himself if not against the whole grid.”

His answer made Fernando's lips twist into a small knowing smirk. “Well then… I wish you the very best of the luck when that happens.”

Sebastian nodded and then relaxed, at peace with his decision. He ordered some more wine for his guests and then their talk actually turned into gossiping about the teams and the drivers of the next season. He entertained the group late into the night and personally saw them off; not knowing what Fernando told the other men about him later on.

“You can test him during the spring and see what he is capable of doing. He is ready. It is just that he is not aware of it yet.”

* * *

“Seb says he'll attend the conference, even though I told him that there was no need for him to come.” Carl informed Aina offhandedly as they ate their lunch together at the cafeteria.

Aina looked up from her food, a mischievous glint entering in her eyes. “Has he ever come to other parent teacher conferences before?” She asked, curious if Carl's uncle had made it a habit or was just making an exception for this year.

“I know he follows the monthly reports on my progress, but this will be a first.” Carl shrugged, already having an idea why Seb was coming to the conference, but not so sure if he should share his guesses with Aina.

Aina smiled at the news, hoping that her father and Seb would get enough lone time together to talk and, even better than that, hang out.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Carl asked, even as he, too, was smiling at Aina's amusement.

Aina made an innocent face, her eyes big and guileless. “Like what?”

“Like you know something…”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don't…” She winked at Carl before turning back to her lunch.

Sighing silently at Aina's cryptic answer, Carl could only hope that her mirth didn't spell trouble for Seb.

* * *

The next Saturday, Kimi was quite busy. This was not simply a parent teacher meet for him as he was tasked with informing the parents of the last year students about how the entrance exams were going to proceed, the formalities involving the applications, and informing them on the requirements of the popular universities.

Sebastian entered the conference room reserved for Kimi and his colleague. He found a spot to sit down and then listenedà to the two teachers explain everything in a well prepared presentation.

Truth be told, Seb didn't need to know all these, as Carl already had his eyes set on his goal and was doing his best to achieve it. But learning how to help him get there was nice, too, along with seeing Kimi in his element.

Surprisingly, the other man was quite animated on the stage and he explained things so well in a simple way. His voice was a bit gravely, but Seb could see him sip at something from a mug several times, that giving him an idea.

Kimi looked really good in his black suit, wearing a shiny metallic grey sweater under his velvet jacket instead of a shirt, clean shaven with the longer bits of his hair falling partially over his forehead.

Sebastian was aware that he was rudely staring, thus, he was glad that Kimi couldn't see him among the hoard of parents in the large room.

When the presentation finished, some parents quickly surrounded Kimi and his colleague, asking them questions. Sebastian waited for the crowd to thin down and when he saw that Kimi was finally free and getting ready to leave, he approached him.

Seb couldn't help the fond and hopeful smile that appeared on his face at the sight of Kimi's look of pleasant surprise when the other man noticed him. “Hello…” He greeted, playing with the brochures in his hand to hide his nervousness.

Not having expected to see Sebastian in the conference, Kimi was actually happy that he had decided to attend. “Hi, Sebastian… Good to see you.” He smiled.

Kimi's colleague left them alone after exchanging goodbyes and when the other teacher was gone, Kimi chuckled. “You really sat there and listened to this?”

Seb watched Kimi pack his papers and materials, shrugging. “Yes.” He proudly declared. “Was very informative… And you explain things marvelously. Wish I had a Maths teacher like you back when I was a student. Then I wouldn't have been a university drop out.”

Kimi looked back at him from his work with disbelief written across his face. “You are a drop out?”

Sebastian nodded, pursing his lips with some nonchalance that just suited him too well. “Well, I needed time to race…” He shamelessly smiled.

Kimi raised an eyebrow at Sebastian's uncaring attitude about his unfinished academic life and took his bag and coat. They began to walk out, Kimi still curious. “What were you studying?”

Putting his hands into his pockets, Sebastian took a deep breath. “Mechanics…” He looked at Kimi to see his reaction and as he had expected, the other man seemed delighted with a hint of pity on his face.

“You should have returned back to it and gotten your degree…” Kimi lamented a bit even though he could understand the reason behind the decision.

“I couldn't get past even the first year and it no longer matters anymore…” Sebastian told him truthfully.

Kimi didn't question more, knowing that even though people acted like they didn't care about this kind of things after finding success and money somewhere else, it was the opposite. Fernando had always hated being a drop out, probably deep down inside comparing himself to Kimi and feeling needlessly inferior about it though his priorities had been different and he had lived through its consequences.

“You chose that program because you liked it or did you think it would give you an advantage with the car?”

Sebastian thought a bit, walking Kimi towards the teachers’ room. “I used to spend all my free time with my engineers during Thursdays and Fridays until we had to close the garage… I wanted to be of a better help, I think… And I love tinkering with cars.”

Kimi smiled at that. “Though tinkering with a Ferrari is not advised.” He quipped, aware that the younger man owned a red prancing horse.

Sebastian innocently looked up with a derisive smile. “I might've done some things, but not on my Ferrari, never.” He stopped right before the entrance of the room. “Would you like to talk about it on some coffee with me?” He asked, hopeful for Kimi to accept, because he really needed something to boost his mood after his talk with the guys from Renault.

Kimi had some free time and seeing that Sebastian had to have lingered behind just so that he could ask him out for a coffee, it was only polite to accept the offer. And he really liked talking with Seb even though he didn't consciously thought about it. “Alright, just let me leave my things.”

Within a few minutes, they were in Seb's car, Kimi admiring the red and black interior design of the Ferrari. “How old is she?” He asked, unable to keep his hand from sliding over the sleek dashboard.

“She?” Sebastian chuckled at the choice of the word.

“Yes? You seem like a guy who'd give a name to his car and of course that has to be a feminine name…” He smirked, correctly reading Sebastian again.

To his credit, Sebastian's smile instantly got wiped off his face at the precise guess and he gave a pointed side look at his companion. “Eva, four years old…” He told him, pursing his lips at Kimi's ensuing snicker.

“Eva, huh? Nice name...” Kimi commended, genuinely liking it.

“How come you know that I name my cars?” Sebastian was mystified at Kimi's ability to make such accurate guesses about him.

“I didn't do a background check on you, Sebastian, if that's what you are asking.” Kimi was highly amused by Seb’s surprise.

Sebastian shook his head at him, smiling. “It just amazes me, is all.”

Kimi shrugged. “Most racers do that…” He reasoned. “I heard stories about the 70’s F1 drivers naming their cars. I find the idea novel… In a positive way.”

“You are interested in the 70’s?”

“Yeah, and I remember telling you that.” Kimi reminded him of the first talk they had.

“You really were serious about it when we chatted...” Sebastian raised an eyebrow at his realization. “If so, then I know just where to take you.” And he swerved the steering wheel sharply.

Kimi wondered how he had never known the existence of the book and music store that covered quite a large space in a back street, close to the cafes and small pubs where the young people liked to hang out.

The store had a rustic look, reminding Kimi of the 80’s and 90’s huge stores where you could lose yourself among piles and piles of VHSs, vinyls and books to rent or buy. Now that the times had changed, the old technology got replaced, but the store still stood proudly.

“You won't believe what they have inside.” Sebastian winked at him and when they got into the store, a pleased smile slowly spread on Kimi's face.

There was a small corner reserved as a cafe overseeing the street, and there were rows and rows of vinyl records, old books along with new CDs and Blu-ray movies lining up the walls and the cabinets. It was a mix of the old and the new and Kimi really liked it. He couldn't take his eyes away from what the place had to offer. “This is amazing.”

Happy to impress Kimi, Sebastian chose a spot for them to sit and a young man from the store approached them with a big smile on his face, giving a hearty handshake to Seb. Apparently, Seb was a well liked frequenter here, judging by the way two more people from the other parts of the store greeted him verbally or waved a hand.

They both ordered coffee and within a few minutes, everywhere smelled of quality espresso and two mugs of Irish were placed before them.

Kimi took a skeptic sip, but he nodded his approval at Sebastian who was expectantly looking at him. “You really know your stuff.” He loved how the hot brandy burned its way down his throat nicely.

“Your voice sounded a bit gravely during the presentation.” Sebastian pointed out. “I thought something strong would help with it.”

Kimi felt color rise on his face at how observant and thoughtful Sebastian was. “Thank you.” He murmured, barely suppressing his need to avert his eyes, feeling suddenly shy.

Sensing this, Seb derived a secret delight at Kimi's nervousness, relaxing a bit now that he knew he wasn't the only one feeling like that.

Trying to steer the conversation away from him, Kimi echoed Sebastian’s last words at school. “So… Are you actually any good at repairing or are you the type who likes learning from trial and error?”

Sebastian smirked at the mischievous undertone of the question, leaning back. “What do you think?”

Kimi made a show of considering, but he already had an opinion. “I can easily imagine you taking out a part and then trying to put it back in, pouring over it for hours on end, forgetting yourself.”

Sebastian bit on his lower lip before he shook his head at Kimi, chuckling ruefully at himself. “Okay… This is turning into a dangerous habit for you. Stop being correct every time, please!”

Kimi pulled a completely guileless face, eyebrows raised, and hands up in surrender. “You asked, I told.” But in all honesty, Sebastian wore his heart on his sleeve. He was easy to read; not that it made him boring.

“Okay… I do that… I have a Volkswagen in my garage and I might have taken some of my frustrations on it.” Seb confessed.

“Is it currently in one piece?”

“Yes…” Sebastian thought on it. “Actually, it has been like that for some time…”

“Then, that’s good to hear.” Kimi honestly felt happy for the younger man. If the car was in one piece, then there had been no reason for Sebastian to take his frustrations on the car.

Catching this meaning, Seb felt something bubble in his chest, warm and breathtaking. He couldn’t stop smiling, so he hid his expression behind his mug.

“What else do you have in that garage of yours?”

“I used to have a Merc, gifted to me after my first win. Don’t tell anyone, but I sold it for the restaurant.” Sebastian confided with a smile. “I am more of a Ferrari fan. I have a Cali T and an F420 other than my 599. I have some other limited edition touring cars, but I love my Ferraris.”

Kimi could understand the other man’s fascination with the said brand. “So, you have spent all your earnings on supercars?”

“Yeah, pretty much so.”

“And here I am driving a Focus…” Kimi lamented, making Sebastian laugh at his fake sadness.

“You can always take one of my cars for a ride.” Sebastian offered genuinely, but Kimi shook his head.

“That is a risk I can’t take with my teacher’s salary, thanks.” He acted as if he wouldn’t dare, amusing Seb further.

“Okay…” Seb conceeded. “But you can come and see them and maybe even would like to lend me a hand at a few of the disasters I caused?” He tried, taking courage from the brandy in the Irish. “I have the latest tools, good food and a real jukebox filled with the oldies.”

Kimi laughed at that, liking the offer. “So you are bribing me to repair your cars with food and music?”

“What else would you like?” Sebastian really hoped that Kimi would say yes.

Actually, Kimi really didn’t need anything else, the prospect of inspecting some limited edition and supercars while a real jukebox blared 80’s rock music into the garage would be awesome enough as it was, but it felt a bit too personal, too close even though his treacherous heart desired it so much. So, he gave a condition a bit hard to achieve by naming a rarely found Finnish vodka brand for Seb to find.

Sebastian didn’t have much idea on the vodka brands, but he noted the name in his mind and nodded. “I’ll tell you when I get it, then. Do we have a deal?”

Kimi would have snorted at Seb’s optimism, but that would be rude, so he agreed. “Whenever you can manage to find it…”

The cryptic answer did not dampen Sebastian’s spirits and he drank the last dregs of his coffee and stood up. “Come on; let’s have a look around here.” He urged Kimi, leaving his coat at the table and walking towards the movie rows.

Shrugging off his coat and jacket, too, Kimi followed behind and approached where Seb was going through the BluRay and DVD boxes. His attention got instantly drawn by a movie from a few years back, but before his hand could even for to it, he desisted. It was Rush, one of his personal favorites.

That hesitation caught Sebastian’s attention and following Kimi’s line of sight, he figured out which box he had been about to get. “Rush?” He asked, after pulling out the box and inspecting it, his eyebrows rising as he easily could recognize who the actors played. He had heard of the movie before, but he had avoided it then. “Were you about to get this?” He offered the box to Kimi who pretended to be busy with looking at something else.

“No, it is okay…”

Seb looked back at him skeptically. “No, you were going for it…” When Kimi did not say anything, he shook the box to get Kimi’s attention, repeating himself. “You were going for it.”

Kimi took a deep breath at Seb’s persistence, his shoulders sagging. “Yes…” He accepted and took the box from Sebastian’s hand, trying to close the subject. “Thank you for the help.”

“Kimi, I am not some crybaby who can’t handle seeing a car crash or two in a movie.” Sebastian said confidently, but it somehow sounded a bit offended.

Kimi’s face immediately fell with guilt. “I didn’t mean… I wasn’t trying to…” He began, but Sebastian stopped him, realizing his slip.

“No, no, no… Nothing to apologize, I sometimes act petulantly like this. Should have minded my tone.”

Kimi looked back at him long and hard, trying to see if Seb was really okay. “Are we good?” He asked and got relieved when he saw the younger man's smile.

“Of course, we are.” Seb assured. “Have you watched it?” He wondered, seemingly nonchallant about it. When Kimi nodded, he continued. “Is it any good?”

Kimi decided to humor him and truthfully andwered. “It is… But maybe I am biased because I like James Hunt.”

That made Seb's eyes light up. “A James Hunt fan? You look much calmer than him. I mean, from what I heard about him, your characters seem different. He was famous for being wild…”

Kimi snorted at that. “You should have seen me during my youth, then.”

It was hard to imagine the calm and controlled teacher as a wild playboy the way James Hunt was, but Seb was sure that it would have been a riot if they knew each other from a decade ago. “You are still young.” He protested. “Don't put yourself down like that.”

Kimi's lips twisted into a snide smile. “I am 39, Sebastian. Not a good age to be a party animal anymore.” He turned his eyes at Seb, his expression mockingly hurt, but Sebastian could see that Kimi was indeed quite upset about it. That made him remember what Kimi had written during their chat about being ordinary and not beautiful. And here the Finn was talking about his age in a forlorn way as if he thought he had wasted his youth away and was already past his prime. Sebastian wondered what or who forced such an unhealthy self perception on to the other man.

“Maybe because I am old, if I'd been given the chance, I would have liked to live my youth during the 70’s.” Kimi caught his attention back.

Seb was really surprised to hear that. “Why? What's wrong with the modern times?”

Kimi gave it a serious thought. “Music was good, cars were simple, races were more fun, life was less complicated.” He shrugged.  

Seb smiled at him fondly. “You really are a 70’s guy, huh?”

Kimi tilted his head and shrugged again as if saying _'I really am…’_

Together, they went through nearly all the vinyl records, Sebastian finding new 45s to load into his jukebox and Kimi showing interest in a couple of rock albums.

“I know it can't be compared to your jukebox, but I have a nice turntable in my garage.” Kimi was holding a Bon Jovi maxi single, considering buying it.

Seb had been carefully observing each of the records Kimi had shown interest in. “Yeah? A new one?”

“No… From 1984, I think. Belonged to my father.” Kimi had a melancholic smile. “It was his most valued possession. He wouldn't let neither me or my brother touch it.”

“Then you have a collection?”

“Mostly of old Finnish music belonging to my father… I am not a collector, but Aina hoards movies.” He sighed in mock exasperation at thinking about the space her collection took up. “I have a few rock records from the 70’s and 80’s and I am contend with it.”

Seb could see that, an idea forming in his head. “Recommend me some movies, then… Racing movies…”

Kimi hesitated a bit. “Are you really sure?”

“Yes, and watching them might even help me.” He reasoned. And thus, the two of them were able to find two more classics, Grand Prix and Le Mans.

Kimi couldn't believe that Sebastian hadn't seen any of the movies even before his accident. It would have been nice to rewatch them together with the younger man, but again, Kimi was apprehensive about it. Not because he didn't like the idea of spending more time with Sebastian, but because he knew that he would easily get addicted to all these nice feelings, Seb's energy and the way he gripped all his attention and effortlessly pushed the unpleasant worries away from his mind.

Maybe he couldn't watch the movies with him, but at least he could buy them for Sebastian as a thank you for introducing him to here.

As Sebastian picked quite a number of records, Kimi made his purchase and even asked for a gift wrapping. He turned back to the younger man's side and offered the package to him, placing a million watt smile of surprise on Sebastian's face.

“These are the movies?” Seb accepted the gift, feeling beaten in his own game. “Thank you, Kimi… Nobody did something like this for me before.” He giggled like a kid, shaking the box a bit as if he didn't already know what was inside.

“Nobody got you presents?” Kimi joked, but Sebastian nodded quite seriously.

“Yeah, nobody other than my family…” He trailed off, smiling a bit awkwardly at his admission.

Kimi couldn't believe it. “No fan letters, nothing after the wins?”

“Not the same… Fan letters and gifts were great, but not quite like this.” He looked back at Kimi with such a soft and joyful expression that Kimi felt his chest tighten and couldn't hold that dark blue gaze, filled with something both beautiful and dangerous.

“Just a couple of movies…” He tried to undermine the value of his action, but Sebastian took none of it.

“You searched for them for half an hour and picked them for me, hoping they would help me face my fear in a however little or big way...” Sebastian shook his head. “They are more than that and thank you for them… And for coming with me today.”

Kimi could barely resist turning around and hiding himself from Seb behind a shelf, his heart beating wildly within his chest. Why was resisting Sebastian's charm so difficult? He was probably just being himself and here Kimi was trying not to make something more out of Seb's everyday behavior. This was so unjust.

“Let's eat dinner together, too…” Sebastian offered. “I know an Italian pizzeria close to here. Not a fancy place, but has the best menu in the city.”

That reminded Kimi of the time and his eyes went wide when he checked his wrist watch. They had spent four hours together in the store and had drunk so much coffee that it was probably going to keep Kimi up whole night. “How can it be this late?” He murmured, making Sebastian laugh at his shock.

“I lose track of time whenever I come here, too. But this time, it really flew by thanks to your company.”

Kimi realized that he simply couldn't compete with Sebastian's natural charm anymore without uncharacteristically turning completely red or hiding behind something, so he refused the offer rather heatedly. “Aina! Yes, Aina is waiting for me for dinner…” She really was and they'd planned to cook together.

“Pity…” Sebastian lamented. “Maybe some other time?” He asked expectantly and Kimi couldn't do anything but nod, not wanting to ruin Seb's mood by refusing him.

“Then, let me take you home. I wouldn't want to make Aina wait more.” Sebastian didn't give Kimi the opportunity to refuse as he simply left his basketful of vinyls behind and got ready to go.

“You didn't need to leave, really… You couldn't even buy the ones you chose…” Kimi felt guilty about hindering the younger man, but Sebastian shrugged.

“It’s fine, don't worry.” He winked and led Kimi out after exchanging silent goodbyes with the staff.

Kimi was standing in front of his house before he knew it.

Sebastian got out of his car to say goodbye, that infuriatingly nice smile still on his lips and shining in his eyes. “Thanks for keeping me company there, Kimi.”

Suppressing his own smile was impossible, so Kimi let it be and shook Seb's hand, fleetingly thinking how warm his skin felt against his cold one. “My pleasure. It was good fun.”

Sebastian seemed like he wanted to say more, his eyes following Kimi's every move as he opened his front door and waved a hand at him before he disappeared into his house. He kept silent, finding his phone before he got into his car.

He peered at the door number of Kimi's house before he shared his location. Then he drove away, pleased with his work.

* * *

Kimi found the house dark and empty, even though he knew that Aina didn't have any plans to be out in the evening.

He turned on the lights, shed his coat and jacket and found his phone, cringing internally when he saw that he had three missed calls and a long text message from his daughter.

He opened the text and his shoulders sagged at the news.

_‘Father is here and wants to take me out for dinner, dad. I called you a few times, but you didn't pick up. I am going out with him, he’ll bring me back before midnight. I promise we'll have our cooking night, too, tomorrow. Hope it's alright?’_

Kimi sighed deeply, all the good mood Sebastian had instilled in him flew away. He was upset for making his daughter sensitive about her two fathers’ situation.

She had every right to be together with her other parent and she didn't need to feel guilty about it. He quickly texted her a _'Have fun, dear!’_ and when Aina immediately sent him a cute heart emoji as an answer, it only proved him how she had been anxious about his reaction all this while.

He rubbed a hand at his face and sat down at his kitchen table, looking unseeingly around, his mind occupied. He no longer wanted to cook, was not so sure if he could keep anything down after drinking that much coffee, but he knew that Aina would feel responsible if she saw him skipping dinner.

He forced himself to get up and look into his fridge. Just to keep himself busy, he began making himself small sandwiches from smoked turkey and cheese. He hoped that a cold beer and some time spent in his garage would persuade him to eat them.

He changed into something comfortable and took his meagre dinner down to the garage. A few days earlier, Lewis had brought in his motorbike, telling him that the gearshift lever did not feel right. He supposed he could have a look at it and find out if he needed to buy any new parts.

He tried to focus on his work, but some of his conversation with Sebastian kept playing in his head, the way he smiled when he had found a record catching his fancy or when Kimi talked about the racers of the 70’s. Even thinking about him was enough to put a small smile on Kimi's face, but it also gave him some strange sort of anxiety as if warning him to not get too close, to not get used to it. He didn't want to think too deeply on it, because it made something hurt in his chest and it very much resembled to heartache. Even the idea of it frightened him.

He was taken out of his musings by the sound of his doorbell and he wondered who it was, because Aina had her own keys if she'd want to return early. He pressed a button to open the garage door and got out to find a private courier waiting at his front door.

When the courier saw him, he called his name and stepped around the garden gate to reach him. Kimi was stunned a bit, because the hour was late and who the hell would use a private service like this unless it was an emergency.

The courier made him sign a digital pad and handed him a box, large but not too heavy. Kimi carried it inside the garage and pushed the button to shut the chilly night air outside.

The box didn't have any name on it other than his address, but when Kimi opened it he knew who was the kind and generous perpetrator behind it. All the records that he had shown interest in that store were now stacked neatly in the box and Kimi felt ridiculously happy, his eyes tearing up as he reverently unpacked them all.

Everything the two of them had said about the albums or the singles came to his mind and he felt his heart burst with joy at how perceptive and attentive Sebastian was.

He really loved this, wondering how the vinyls were going to sound in his turntable and speakers, but he also got apprehensive about the cost of this present. It looked like it had to be quite a lot and Kimi wondered if accepting them would really be alright. His joy got dampened when he thought about it. How could he repay something like this?

Just then, his phone alerted him of a message. It was from Sebastian.

_‘Was just notified that you got the box. I hope you'll enjoy listening to them. And they are all new recordings, so rest assured that they didn't cost me a fortune.’_

Kimi shook his head fondly at how Sebastian had to have guessed his hesitation about accepting his gift. At the store, he had looked at the antique vinyls and had to leave them there due to their prices, so he was glad that Sebastian had gone for the new editions of all the records. That made it easier to accept them.

“It seems you are also a mind reader. For a second there, I thought you had to have left your Ferrari forfeit to get these. Thank you so much, Sebastian. This is the best thing I got in a while.” Kimi typed back with a large smile.

He took the Bon Jovi single and placed in on the turntable, excited and away from the negative thoughts of the before. The music started and Kimi sat down on a nearby fold chair, listening to it.

His phone vibrated again. _‘Trying any of them now?’_

Kimi took a picture of his music set, careful to show the record he was playing and sent it to Sebastian.

_‘Ohh… Livin’ on a prayer! Nice choice!’_

“Is there any of your favorites among these?” Kimi wondered.

_'Most of them I like, too, but can't name anything particular now.’_

“Then, what is your jukebox loaded with?”

_‘Mostly the 80’s and 90’s Pop, especially the Brits.’_

Kimi thought it suited someone who lived their childhood during the 90’s.

 _'Hey, I see sandwiches in that pic. The dinner got burned or something?’_ Seb wrote and Kimi cursed at his slip. He considered lying, but it didn't feel right.

“Aina's father picked her up for the night and I was too lazy to prepare anything more complicated.” He hoped that it sounded as if he did not care.

_‘Unfortunate… But at least the beer is cold, I hope.’_

Kimi chuckled at it ruefully despite himself and opened the can, taking a large gulp from it. “It is… And your music is good. So, I can survive.” He joked, but only he knew how true it also was.

_'Glad to be of help… And eat those sandwiches, Kimi, it is waaaay past dinner time.’_

Really, now… Kimi bit on his lower lip, frowning at the twinge of pain in his chest.

He had been trying to ignore it up until now, but when he read that comment, the sentimentality of the whole evening slammed at him all at once.

Sebastian had probably written it offhandedly, but it had been a while for Kimi to have someone in his life who was this observant of his needs other than Aina and his family.

He wondered if Sebastian was like this with everyone or doing this purposefully just for him. He highly doubted the second option and swallowed the lump in his throat down. Sebastian was thoughtful and kind hearted, treating everyone like a perfect gentleman. Kimi felt that he had no right to hope for being a special case.

He sent a _thumbs up_ emoji and reached for a sandwich. He dutifully ate it and reclined back at his not so comfortable fold chair, his eyes following the hypnotizing motion of the turntable.

He remembered how his father used to spend his free time with the device on Sundays, filling their house with music as they'd go about doing mundane everyday things. Kimi used to think that he would die of boredom during those times, but now, he could only remember them with a wistful longing. Upon the memory, he gave a toast with his beer at nothing in particular. He sighed, his smile vaning on his lips and before averting his eyes, he whispered into the emptiness around him.

“His name is Sebastian, father…”

_TBC..._

 


	4. Every Breath You Take

Kimi's friends hadn't asked him why he couldn't manage to talk about their project to Sebastian when Kimi had dined at Seb's place, but this time, after seeing the two of them leave the conference together, they were a bit desperate.

“We talked a lot about this and that, but I couldn't steer the topic to the charity… What could I do?”

“Yea… Tell the truth and confess that you have totally forgotten about us.” Lewis smiled knowingly and Nico and Jenson snickered at him.

“What?” Kimi felt guilty under their gaze. “Why are you smiling at me like that?”

Jenson shook his head at him in mock exasperation. “Even he himself might not be aware of it yet, but he is after you, mate.”

Kimi's eyes widened at the claim comically. “Jenson, he might be a playboy, but I don't think he stooped this much low.” He indicated himself mercilessly.

“Woah, stop there, Kimi.” Nico quickly intervened. “Low? You are being too harsh on yourself. Anyone would love to be with you.”

When Kimi didn't seem convinced, Lewis backed Nico. “Infact, Vettel should count his lucky stars if he can manage to land you.”

Then, Jenson joined the conversation. “And I hope he can.”

“Hey!” Kimi warned without any real bite, barely keeping himself from flushing red.

“I can only wish the best for my friend… But Kimi, we only have a few weeks left before we either make this official and get the backing of the sponsors or chalk it up to an unknown later time and lose their support.”

Lewis and Nico agreed; their faces solemn.

Nico pushed Kimi's phone towards him. “Please call him, Kimi. Let's try one last time.”

“You’ll see he'll willingly create a means to see you, mate. It’ll be easy.” Lewis encouraged.

Kimi looked at the three of them, wondering how they could make such wild guesses about Sebastian's intentions. “Okay.” He took up his phone, contemplating what to say for a second and then called Sebastian.

Meanwhile, Sebastian was at the restaurant, sitting together with Sienna, going through the design photos of his new place. He made a vague gesture to the photos to catch the brunette's attention. “Do you think the colors suit the ambiance I am trying to achieve?” He asked the girl, who was looking around the diners as if totally disinterested in the subject. It doused some of Sebastian's enthusiasm, but then, she smiled and animatedly looked back at him.

“I love it here!”

“Oh, do you?” Sebastian smiled back, but when Sienna took off one of her airpods hidden behind her long hair and gave it to Sebastian, it took the wind out of his sails.

“Aren't the guitar riffs so nice here?” She asked and Sebastian could only nod along at her words, not a bit caring about the poprock music that blared on from the tiny earpiece.

Just then, his phone screen lit up and when he saw the caller ID, his heart picked up speed. In his haste to answer it, he knocked his glass down and got up to get away from Sienna who gave him a weird look.

“Hello!” He greeted, his voice cheery and pleased. “And here I was thinking about calling you, Kimi.”

Hearing Sebastian's energetic voice also put a little smile on Kimi's face. “Hello, Sebastian. I wanted to thank you about your jest. It was very nice of you.”

“Nothing to mention...” Sebastian protested. “I should be the one thanking you for keeping me company.”

Nico snickered at their exchange, mouthing silently _‘Aw… So sweet…’_ and earned a glare from Kimi.

Jenson made a motion with his hand to spur Kimi on.

“In fact, there is something I need to talk to you.” Kimi tried, but there was too much noise coming from Sebastian's side.

“Ah, thank you for coming…” Sebastian was greeting a frequenter. “Ms. Greta, please show Mr. Alexander to his table.”

“Maybe I should call at a later time?” Kimi offered, hearing how hectic the restaurant was through the receiver.

“No, no… Sorry, I am a bit busy.” Sebastian apologized and then hastily decided, not to waste the opportunity. “Actually, you should come to my house. We can have a peaceful chat there.”

Kimi's face instantly tensed. _‘He is calling me to his place.’_ He mouthed at the others and they all nodded at him to make him accept. But Kimi thought that the offer sounded too intimate. “Um… Sebastian, I think…”

“He’s going to muck it up again…” Nico lamented in a hushed voice and that did the trick, making Kimi narrow his eyes down and take the challenge.

“Okay. I'll be there at eight.” He accepted.

* * *

Seb had to offer Carl and his friends premium tickets for the latest superhero movie to keep the teenager out of the house for the night. That, of course, raised Carl's suspicions, because Sebastian never invited his partners to dinner at home. But no matter how many times he asked of the identity of his uncle's guest, Sebastian didn't answer him.

Sebastian got ready early and set the large table in the living room, while Daniel cooked a delectable meal.

As they were making the last touches to the romantic table, Daniel smiled at the other man's enthusiasm. “Boss, is this person a special one?”

Sebastian smiled at his perceptiveness, nodding. “Why?”

“Because this is the first time you've asked me to prepare something like this at your home. Normally, you use the restaurant for this kind of things.” He cheekily pointed out.

There was nothing to deny. “Some people deserve the best possible treatment, Dan.”

Daniel made a silent and amused _wow_ at Sebastian's change.

Just then, the doorbell rang and Seb hurried to the door, correcting his black shirt one last time.

He opened the door with a wide smile only for it to turn into an awkward twist of lips at the sight that greeted him.

Kimi stood outside with his friends, Lewis, Nico, and Jenson, all with nice smiles on their faces except for Kimi who had the most practiced neutral look Sebastian had ever seen.

Quick to cover his surprise and disappointment, Sebastian opened the door wide for his unexpected guests. “Good evening, gentlemen.” He greeted and heard Daniel snort at him from the inside.

After the usual introductions and genialities, they were all sitting at the large table, Daniel serving them and Jenson talking about the endeavors of their charity organization, papers and plans laid out on whatever empty spot was left on the table.

“We are planning to turn the third floor into a dorm for kids staying away from their parents. And the second floor will be classrooms designed for arts, technology and music.”

Lewis went on. “The garden is very suitable for the open air activities we are planning, such as fund raising exhibitions, concerts and drama reproductions. So, we really are charmed by this location.”

“We are aware that you want to turn this place into a restaurant, but for the sake of kids, we thought that you might want to aid our cause and rent this place to our charity.”

Then Kimi saw the need to intervene, because Sebastian's expression was turning distant and sterner by the minute. “If we could work for three months and put everything into an order, I am sure that this organization has the potential to turn into something nationwide. We have a lot of candidates to sponsor us, so…”

But Sebastian interrupted Kimi's words, his face solemn. “Look, I see that you are trying to accomplish a truly beautiful thing. I want to help you about your endeavor, I really do, but I can't.”

That made everyone's smiles vanish, replaced with crestfallen expressions.

“Why not?” Kimi asked, not hiding his disappointment.

Sebastian rubbed a hand at his beard, trying to come up with words that wouldn't hurt these nice people and Kimi. “I have been after this place since I have decided to open a restaurant. It has been my pet project since a long time. I can't just abandon it.”

Nico tried one more time. “You are a wealthy person… You can find another place, even several places if you wish so. But we don't have any other chance. This is the only suitable location in the city for our needs.”

Sebastian looked back at them apologetically, his eyes finally landing on Kimi's. “This is also my last chance. I have to relocate my restaurant and this is the only place big enough. I'm sorry.”

There were a few minutes of upset silence before Kimi looked back at Sebastian's eyes derisively. “Big enough?” He asked, not waiting for an answer. “You should have said bigger than what you already have…” He accused, implying that Seb was being greedy. “Let's go.” He got up from his seat and the others followed his example, collecting their things.

Sebastian watched them all go, unable to even utter a word after them.

Daniel saw Sebastian’s guests out and returned back to the barely touched table, the delicious food cooled, the aged wine wasted in glasses, and Sebastian sad with slumped shoulders, still sitting moodily.

“Well, this wasn’t what I had expected…” Daniel found the situation awkward. Scratching at his head, he tried to figure out how to store the left over barely eaten food.

“This was a disaster.” Sebastian agreed and ran a hand through his curls. “I wasn’t expecting this either.” He recalled Kimi’s disappointed eyes and the words that hit home painfully. “And I wasn’t expecting that to hurt this much…”

* * *

A few days later after the fiasco at Sebastian's house, it was a Friday. Kimi was feeling a bit under the weather, but he had classes early in the morning and work didn't wait.

In the afternoon, Aina asked him if she could go and catch a movie with Carl and several other friends of theirs after their classes and Kimi agreed, having things to do at home.

In the absence of Aina, he cleaned up his garage and finished with his neighbor's car, returning it back to him. When she came back in a good mood, he left the kitchen to her in order to go and buy a few things that he needed for the dinner.

He had been out for just half an hour, but when he returned, he saw a black BMW parked right outside his door, a young man with dashing looks sitting in it, waiting. Though the car was not familiar, it could only mean one thing.

His mood instantly souring, Kimi came eye to eye with the man in the car and boiled inside at how the young man turned his head away with a condescending _tsk_ at the sight of him.

Kimi rushed inside and heard Aina talk in Spanish animatedly and happily, already confirming who her guest was.

Trying to act neutral for the sake of his daughter, Kimi replaced his angry expression with an unfeeling one and directly went into the kitchen to avoid having to meet their guest for as long as possible. He knew that they had heard him coming back, but he really didn't want to see Fernando's face right now.

Involuntarily listening in on their conversation, he realized that Fernando had some business in the city and got finished early. So, he had come to take her with him for the weekend.

Gritting his teeth to the point of hurting himself, Kimi rubbed a hand at his face when Fernando told Aina to grab a few clothes and get ready to leave.

Aina came into the kitchen with a skip in her steps and hugged him, knowing how much he got distressed whenever her other father visited.

Kimi hugged her back, petting her long blonde hair. “You can go, Aina.” He told her what she had come to hear from him and saw her beaming at him with a beautiful smile. And that made the pain worth it. She rushed back to her room and only then Kimi realized that Fernando had been standing in the doorway and watching them.

The Spaniard was wearing an expensive suit in dark burgundy, sans the tie with the top two buttons of his shirt undone. He had that confident, piercing bravado about him which had made Kimi fall in love with him many years ago. It was funny how he had come to hate that suave self confidence after realizing that Fernando had been using it to ensnare many others to his whims right under his nose.

“How many times do I have to tell you to not bring your supermodels and twinks in front of my house?” Kimi berated in a low voice.

Fernando regarded him with cold detachment, leaning against the doorframe. “He is a businessman, not my twink.” He informed, looking at him critically, openly sizing him up and down.

“As if that has ever stopped you…” Kimi accused.

“Have you gone thinner?” Fernando mused with pursed lips, completely ignoring Kimi's words. “Doing too much exercise again…And I think you have caught a bad cold.” He indicated his throat without even a bit of actual concern in his tone.

Hiding how the other man's nonchalance angered him, Kimi turned around and began putting away the things he had bought, acting as if Fernando didn't exist.

But Fernando continued talking. “Your hair is longer, too…”

Kimi glared at him over the door of the fridge, silently willing him away, but not succeeding.

Fernando chuckled at his behavior derisively, putting a hand in his pocket and tilting his head back. “Your looks change but you never change here, do you?” He tapped at his head.

That question got the better of Kimi and he stopped pretending to be busy, shutting the fridge door heavily. “What is it to you?”

Fernando approached him, close enough to touch. And to his credit, Kimi did not move even an inch, unwilling to give the other man the upper hand.

“Nothing…” Fernando shrugged, smiling down at him condescendingly. “I just wanted to point out the reason why you'll always be alone.” He told Kimi haughtily and reached up to touch his hair.

Kimi stood his ground, letting the other man play with the ends of his hair and touch his cheek. His heart was beating uncomfortably in his chest, but he kept his cool. He didn't want to create a scene and alert Aina into questioning him about what was wrong. “Go away.” He hoarsely whispered, barely resisting the urge to push the daring Spaniard away.

Fernando acted as if he hadn't heard him, all the while eyeing him in distracted contemplation, as if thinking about what would happen if he'd breach his limits like he had tried to do many times before with Kimi. There was a scorching and dangerous glint in his dark eyes and when his gaze landed on Kimi's lips with an aggressive hunger that he couldn't completely hide, it ticked Kimi off.

“Leave my house and go wait outside with your fuckboy, Fernando.” Kimi ordered in a tight voice, his eyes cold like glaciers.

That had gotten Fernando out of his haze as he made a point of slowly looking back up to his eyes from his lips.

Kimi could see how he worked his jaw and gritted his teeth as if Fernando could barely hold himself back. Kimi loathed admitting it, but it sent a sliver of fear into him.

Fernando huffed at him mockingly as if to cover up his slip of control. He backed a few steps away and glanced at the pots of food on the stove top. “Have fun eating your dinner alone, Kimi…” He snidely jibed at him before leaving the room.

When Kimi heard the front door shut heavily, he leaned back against the counter and sighed deeply, looking at his empty kitchen with tormented eyes. He couldn't believe he had been head over heels in love with this man before. He didn't know why Fernando was still trying to hurt him with his words, but it worked even though accepting that made Kimi feel incompetent and weak.

“Dad! I am out!” Aina came back with a small hand baggage and kissed him on both cheeks.

Kimi braved a smile for her, correcting her beanie. “Okay, take care, dear.”

She had to have sensed his agitation, because she took a good look at him, holding his cheeks in her hands. “Everything alright, dad?”

Kimi didn't want her to worry about him, so he nodded. “Yes, dear… I just… You know…” He trailed off.

Aina finished it for him. “Don't like having to talk to him?” She sobered up, carefully observing her father's well practiced expression of _‘I am okay’._ “Sorry for that, dad. I didn't know he was coming to see me. If you are uncomfortable, I can always make up an excuse to father…” She offered sincerely.

“No, no… That's not alright. You two need to be together, too, whenever you can. I have neither the right nor the reason to take it away from you just because he and I no longer get along.” Kimi protested, empathizing with Aina's need to see and be with Fernando.

“You sure you're going to be okay?” Aina bit on her lower lip, but Kimi shooed her away, seeing her off to the front door. “Go and have fun, Aina.”

Still a bit worried, Aina nodded and let him kiss the top of her head before going out and joining Fernando.

Kimi watched them drive away in the sports BMW and when he entered back home; he found his appetite was completely gone.

Loitering in the house aimlessly, he became restless, feeling confined in the empty rooms and thought that maybe he could take a walk.

The weather was cold, but not cold enough to deter him. His throat felt hoarse, but he shrugged the feeling off as using his voice too much at school, and he got out. He didn't have any destination in mind, so he decided to go where his feet would take him.

In deep thought, demoralized and emotionally worn out, he walked for hours. He didn't even realize how tired or cold he was. He just walked until his feet somehow carried him to where Sebastian's restaurant was.

When he realized where he had come to, he stopped and looked at the nicely illuminated establishment. Seeing that there were only a handful of people left inside alerted him to the lateness of the hour. He coughed a couple of times, finally the cold air getting to him. Checking his watch, he saw that he had been walking around for nearly three hours.

He huffed silently, neither able to enter the restaurant, nor walk away from it. He stood there, a fine and sizzling burn taking root in his chest each time he breathed. The pain of it was not foreign and he should have been able to recognize it, but he didn't, his mind was filled with the thoughts of Sebastian.

He watched the staff work, the diners looking all relaxed and content. His eyes involuntarily searched for Sebastian and he saw him sitting in the bar lounge.

Sebastian was looking down into the large whiskey tumbler in his hand, contemplative and moody. He appeared to be upset and Kimi wanted to go in there and say something to make it better even though he didn't know what had made the other man look so dejected.

His thoughts dispersed when Sebastian moved a bit towards the window side where Kimi was standing and that made Kimi feel self conscious and guilty for watching the other man from the outside like a stalker. He began walking again, unaware that Sebastian had already seen him.

Upon seeing Kimi, Sebastian's first instinct was to rush after him and that didn't even surprise Sebastian. He had wanted to see the other man so much, but lacked the courage to call him after what had happened at his house. He quickly got into his coat and ran into the street, a bit clumsily due to the whiskey he had been drinking. Luckily, he spotted Kimi easily and then ran after him.

“Wait! Wait, Kimi!” He shouted and made the said man stop and turn to him with wide eyes. He smiled upon the sight of Kimi's surprise, delighted and unable to hide it. “You have come to see me!” He blurted, giddy with the idea and the alcohol.

Kimi's mouth moved as if he wanted to say a lot of things at the same time, his eyes a bit panicky as he awkwardly stood there, looking at the wide smile on Sebastian's face. “I… I was just passing by.” He lied, but Sebastian didn't buy it.

“Yeah, to where?” Seb asked, quite confident of his earlier claim.

Kimi opened his mouth to retort something angrily for being easily read like an open book, but then he looked back into the amused eyes of the younger man and got deflated, giving up.

“I was walking around and I found myself here. Happy?”

Sebastian laughed. “Very much so, Kimi… I was just thinking about you, seeing you here is like a wish coming true.”

Kimi's eyes widened again at Sebastian's openness, a little blush coloring his cheeks. “But you looked sad…” He murmured before he could stop himself, realizing that he had been the one making Sebastian sulk like that in the restaurant.

“Yes, I have been meaning to call you since that dinner, but was afraid to anger you further.” Seb confessed frankly, gazing into Kimi's eyes, searching for any resentment in them. “Are you still angry?” He asked in a small voice, his handsome face hopeful for a negative answer.

Kimi felt his heart pick up speed and warmth rush to his limbs even though he should have been freezing now. And the cause of it was the immense worth that Sebastian had apparently placed in their relationship.

Honestly, he was disappointed for being unable to persuade Sebastian about the charity project, but it was no reason to resent the man for his ambitions. Kimi had seen worse, so he shook his head. “We are okay…” He murmured, his answer instantly slapping another smile on Sebastian's lips.

Sebastian took a step, diminishing the distance between them and leaned into him as if he was going to whisper a secret to Kimi or kiss him. “I am so glad… Really, really glad…” He whispered, never breaking eye contact.

Kimi could only stare at Sebastian, hypnotized by the proximity of the younger man and his innocent and beautiful smile. Sebastian had such a strong and charming presence that Kimi felt drawn to him as if Seb was a magnet and he was powerless against his pull. The pain in his chest intensified, spreading to his throat and shoulders in a gripping way and he coughed at the cloying feeling involuntarily.

“Are you okay?” Seb asked, first touching him on the shoulder as he coughed, and then at his cheek as if to turn his face to see him better.

Even though it was just the tips of Seb's fingers, it was warm and electrifying, erasing the memory of Fernando’s earlier touch and Kimi felt himself leaning into it, following its motion. That realization had him suddenly feel intimidated by Sebastian, afraid of the sheer amount of hold the younger man managed to get over him in such a short time. His mind involuntarily flashed back to how Fernando used to be when he was younger.

“I... I should get going…” He tried to excuse himself lamely, clutching at his chest as if to try and contain the strange ache there. But Seb was having none of it. He stepped into his way and stopped him.

“No, please stay a little more. You like sweets, right? There is this little place around here that makes great hot chocolate with Bailey's and homemade marshmallows.”

That was a tempting offer, but Kimi could barely register it, because he was still at a loss of what to do with his newfound realization. He both wanted to follow this man to wherever he'd drag him and, at the same time, he was so afraid of the idea that his stomach turned queasy and his feet felt laden. The fatigue of walking for so long finally settled in heavily, making his mind numb. An uncomfortable prickling heat was creeping up his spine as his ribcage constricted and he began shivering even though he felt too hot.

“See, you are cold. Let's go and drink something to get you warm.” Sebastian held his hand and without waiting for an answer, began leading him to the place he had mentioned.

Kimi could only follow Seb, his breathing turning shallow and quickening at an alarming speed. He didn't know what was happening to him, but it very much resembled to an oncoming panic attack triggered by Fernando's visit, his overexertion of himself in this biting cold and Sebastian's beautiful love sick smile. He began hyperventilating, clawing at his scarf and whimpering loudly at the feeling of being suffocated.

That alerted Sebastian. He turned around and met Kimi's panic filled eyes as he struggled to breathe. “Kimi? Kimi, what is it?” He asked even as he helped to take off the scarf and the beanie, fear gripping him at the sight of the tears that began falling down from Kimi's eyes.

He held Kimi, realizing that the other man had to be having some kind of a break down. When he felt how violently Kimi was shaking with his teeth clattering and eyes losing focus, Seb understood how serious this was. Even though he was extremely worried and filled with the fear of Kimi's safety, he hugged Kimi with his back to his chest, leaving room for him to breathe and supporting him as Kimi quickly lost the power in his knees and sank to the cold concrete, unconscious.

His lips trembling and tears blurring his eyes, Sebastian managed to find his phone and call for an ambulance, all the while holding Kimi in a safe and comfortable position on the ground, trying to keep his wits to himself to help him as best as he could.

People gathered and asked Sebastian questions, but he was deaf to them, a bit in a shock for seeing Kimi in this state, cursing himself for not realizing this sooner.

The ambulance came and Kimi was taken into it quickly, Sebastian following him. He tried to explain the situation to the medics as best as he could, but he was only going to learn what had actually happened to Kimi at the hospital.

Kimi had a panic attack while he had been with him. What caused this reaction in the other man, Sebastian didn't know, but apparently Kimi had asthma, which was agitated by his already existing cold when it coupled with fatigue. He was sleeping peacefully now, an oxygen mask covering half of his face, hooked to an IV and given a medicine cocktail through it.

His fear and worry a bit settled down, Sebastian was now sitting beside Kimi's bed and watching him, recalling the immense fear that had arrested him upon the sight of Kimi's torment. He knew what it meant, knew that he hadn't felt this way for any other person for such a long time that he didn't remember the last one.

He sighed and grimaced at the ache that was brewing in his heart. Even though it wasn't physical pain, he wondered ruefully if the doctors would give him something to ease it if he'd ask nicely. Otherwise, the ache seemed to be there to stay.

He was falling in love with Kimi and surprisingly, he was alright with it. Normally, he hated commitments, hated to be tied down to somebody, and hated the idea of devoting his life to anything other than his aspirations. But for some reason, Sebastian wanted to get to know Kimi better, wanted to talk about himself to him, wanted to spend time with him. No one other than his immediate family had ever looked after him like Kimi had done and Sebastian had never slept so well beside anyone like he had done with Kimi. And was it a coincidence or something else, he didn't know, but since meeting Kimi, Sebastian did not see any nightmares even though he had been sleeping alone since that day. How could he not be willing to fall for such a man?

Kimi was strong, like a solid rock, protecting his daughter against the currents of life. But he was also fragile and defenseless as he laid there, his skin white as the bed sheets with dark circles under his eyes. Sebastian wondered why Kimi had been out during such a cold night, why he had looked so reluctant and then haunted and afraid. He hoped that he wasn't the cause of all those emotions in Kimi, because that would physically hurt Sebastian.

He wanted Kimi to open his eyes and even if he could only say just a few words, Sebastian wanted to hear his voice. Though the doctor had told him that Kimi was going to be alright in the morning, Sebastian was still worried. He hated having to witness people ailing; the memory of his long and painful stay at the hospitals scarred him so. But even more than that, he hated seeing Kimi so little and broken. The need to see him smile again was so immense that, Sebastian had to stand up and pace around the room a bit until he could calm down.

While he was standing before the window of the room and gazing outside, he checked his phone and saw a few texts and answered them. That reminded him something. Kimi's daughter wasn't aware where her father had gone off to only to end up in a hospital. She had to be crazy worried about her dad right now.

Before he could think better of it, he texted Carl and asked about Aina's number. He thought of calling her and then sending a taxi to bring her here. But as he waited for Carl to answer, he decided to delete the message to not freak him out, too, because it was quite late into the night. He didn't realize that he had only deleted the message from his own phone, the one in Carl's staying there for him to see and get confused about it the next day.

Kimi's clothes and other belongings had been given back to Seb in a basket, so he thought that it was better to just find Kimi's phone and check it.

Unfortunately, the phone had a lock design, but there wasn't any notification lights blinking on the corner of it. Nobody had called or texted Kimi and Sebastian found it strange. Had Aina been asleep when her dad went out? Seb had no idea, but he kept the phone close in case someone might call Kimi.

His worries were soon thwarted when Kimi slowly came to himself, opening his eyes sluggishly and looking around with a dazed expression. Sebastian was holding his breath, letting Kimi reorient himself and realize where he was.

Kimi's vision swam, his mind a bit clouded both by his sickness and by the meds that he had been given. He felt like a stuffed doll, his limbs laden, his chest and head hurting. He blinked a few times to clear the fog in his head and as he looked around, his eyes met with those of Sebastian's.

Everything rushed back to him, every horrible sensation replaying in his mind, and he shut his eyes against the nauseating feeling, his breathing picking up speed against his will.

Worried that Kimi was going to have another panic attack, Sebastian felt guilty, thinking that his presence was causing the other to lose his control. So, hurt and afraid, Seb scrambled to his feet to leave the room, all the while apologizing and trying to calm Kimi down.

“Just breathe; just try to calm down, okay? I am leaving; I am going to leave you alone. Just out of this door. Kimi… calm breathing… maybe I should call a doc…”

Kimi opened his eyes in panic, realizing what Seb had to be thinking. “Stay!” He demanded, his voice muffled and hoarse.

That stopped Sebastian's rambling and he looked back at Kimi's eyes, uncertain, apologetic. “But I am making you sick…” Seb argued, blue eyes big and innocent.

Kimi shook his head, the motion giving him more nausea. “Damn it…” He croaked and coughed a bit and then took a few deep breaths. “Seb… Here… Now…” He patted his bedside softly and closed his eyes when he saw that Sebastian was doing as he was told.

Seb returned back to his seat, cautious of any more discomfort that he might be inflicting on Kimi and waited for him to open his eyes and look back at him.

Having gone through this many times before, Kimi quickly realized what had happened to him back in that street. He felt stupid for not recognizing the signs, because he could have prevented putting himself and Sebastian in this state. He opened his eyes and calmly held the other man's gaze.

“Don't worry... Not ‘cos of you…” He explained and saw relief washing over the younger man. “Was stupid… Sorry to worry you…”

Sebastian smiled down at him softly, his eyes finally free of fear and doubt. “How do you feel?”

“Shitty…” Kimi answered honestly.

Seb made as if he was going to stand up. “Do you need me to get a nurse or something else?”

“No… Sit, please.” Kimi stopped him, blinking a few times to clear his vision.

“Aina has to be extremely worried, would you like to text her?” Seb offered Kimi his phone, but he refused.

“Away...With her father…” Kimi explained.

Seb didn't think that hiding this from her was a good idea. “She will get upset that you didn't call her about this.”

“She cries a lot… I'll be fine… before then…” Kimi insisted. He really didn't want to ruin Aina's time with Fernando. He had sent her to have fun, not rush back to find him in this state. He closed his eyes again, a bit tired. “Thank you… for taking care of me.” He was extremely touched that Sebastian had chosen to do this for him, even though he had to have scared the younger man a lot.

Sebastian shrugged, smile still in place, his gaze loving and soft. “You had stayed when I asked. So, it is only polite for me to do the same.”

Kimi's eyes widened at that, and then he nodded once again in gratitude. “But it's late. You should go. Rest…” He urged, feeling bad for making the other man sit beside him this late into the night.

Sebastian didn't want to leave, because Kimi would be alone then. And if there was one thing he hated more than seeing people hurt, it was to leave them alone when they were in need. “I am not leaving you here like this.” He shook his head and before Kimi could protest, he raised a hand to stop him. “Don't tire yourself with talking. The doctor said you'll be well enough to get out of the hospital in the morning. Until I see you home, I am here.”

Kimi felt his eyes sting with collecting tears at the passionate conviction that Sebastian radiated, remembering a time when Fernando had walked out on him, taking Aina away and leaving him alone at the hospital for two days. A few tear drops hotly rolled down from the corner of his eyes and Sebastian reached up and wiped them away.

“Why are you crying?” He asked softly as if to not scare him from talking. But Kimi could only shake his head, not knowing where to start and how to tell it all to Sebastian. The meds were making him sentimental and he honestly had no energy to form sentences that required more than two words.

“Sleep, Kimi…” Sebastian urged him. “You’ll be better in the morning.”

Kimi nodded at the offer, thanking Sebastian in a small voice, his eyes slowly closing. The last thing he saw was the younger man's assuring face and that helped him to have a dreamless, relaxing sleep.

Sebastian corrected Kimi's blanket and took his own chair closer, huddling into his jacket. He had questions, he had things to say to Kimi, but he was getting sleepy in the silent room. He thought that closing his eyes for a few moments wouldn't hurt and he relaxed into the chair as much as one could do.

When he opened his eyes next, he found himself hugging Kimi's hand and arm to his face again, his head pillowed on the hospital bed. Also, there was a doctor and a nurse in the room, silently examining Kimi and his test results one last time. Seb immediately let go of Kimi's hand and straightened up.

Kimi looked back at him with a small smile. “Good morning, Sebastian.”

Kimi's voice was better and so was his coloring. The mask and the IV weren't there either and he looked quite relieved because of that.

“Morning, Kimi.” He greeted Kimi back and turned to the doctor who was filling in some sort of forms beside the bed. “Is he well enough to leave the hospital?”

The doctor nodded and explained Kimi how to take care of himself at home, prescribing him a ton of meds and vitamins. While Kimi was busy with that, Sebastian went out to take care of the formalities. When he returned, Kimi was dressed.

“Ready? Let's get out of here.”

Kimi nodded, a bit awkward. “I don't want to inconvenience you anymore than this. I can call a taxi… And you should get a rest in a proper bed…” He trailed off.

Sebastian eyed him as if he grew a second head. “Yea, not happening before I see you at your home, tucked in and warm.”

Kimi huffed at his tenacity, but didn't argue with him, letting Sebastian get them into a taxi. They didn't talk until they reached Kimi's house. At the front door, Seb looked like a man who had accomplished a great task, making Kimi secretly smile at his antics.

“Do you have anything to eat?”

Kimi shrugged. “I'll whip up something.”

At that, Seb seemed concerned. “The doctor said you need nutritious things…”

“I'll be fine, Sebastian. Don't worry.” Kimi assured. “This happened many times before and I was usually alone to overcome it until Aina grew up.” He said, but instantly regretted it.

Sebastian regarded him long and hard, solemn. “That's unfortunate…”

Kimi shrugged again, wanting to dissipate the younger man's worry. “Well, that's life for you. But this time you have my gratitude. Thanks for everything.”

Sebastian nodded and put his hands into his pockets, stepping back. “I should leave you to your rest, then.”

Kimi waved at him as Seb left with the same taxi before he entered his house. He still felt like shit, but before resting, he had to eat something. He was starving.

The food left on the stove had already gone bad and after getting rid of them, he made himself some instant soup. He forced himself to eat it with some bread and then took a quick hot shower.

He dragged himself to his bed and realized he had forgotten to buy his meds. He could always go through his med cabinet, for he had always been prescribed the same ones, but he had no energy to search for them and he wanted to sleep.

Thoughts of Sebastian's act of selfless kindness, his warm eyes and soft voice busied his mind for a while, but eventually, before he could make sense of them, he fell asleep.

About six hours later, he woke up to the ringing of his phone. He groggily took the call without even checking the caller ID. “Yes?”

“Oh, good… Here I was thinking you were either dead or went deaf.”

Kimi's sleep instantly cleared. “Sebastian?”

“Yes, the one and only… I am at your door. I think I have beaten a dent into it. Please open it before your neighbors call the police on me.”

Kimi snorted and got out of the bed, amused at the rapid way the younger man was still babbling on the other end of the line.

“I think my rear end is frozen… I can't feel it anymore… Kimi, come on...”

“Here!” Kimi swung the front door open, coming face to face with a shivering Sebastian. “You talk too much.” He berated good naturedly.

“Let me in?” Seb asked, showing him the shopping bags in his hands.

Kimi got out of the way, and then followed after him.

“Your kitchen this way?”

“Yes… And what are those?”

Sebastian handed Kimi one of the bags and then shrugged off his coat. “Got your meds and vitamins, but thought that they shouldn't go down without a proper meal. So I am going to prepare you something easy on the stomach and good for your health.” He explained.

Kimi could only stare at the other man in surprise, rooted in the spot. Sebastian appeared to have thought of everything, looking energetic and quite handsome in his black jeans and fluffy v neck sweater. Apparently slept and now well rested, he looked fresh and young in a way Kimi couldn't compete right now, and maybe never.

Interpreting the silence wrongly, Sebastian awkwardly smiled and cleared his throat. “So, um… Of course, if you think I am intruding too much, I can always go and… Ah, I should have cooked this at home… Then, you might have eaten it without me inconveniencing you and...”

Getting out of his stupor, Kimi realized why Sebastian was about to leave. “God, you really talk too much.” He laughed and blocked Seb's way, only to end up coughing.

Worried, Sebastian took a seat out for Kimi and then poured him some water before taking a seat in front of him.

When Kimi was able to speak again, he smiled at the other man. “I was just surprised there. I have never seen anyone doing me favors other than a couple of people. The kitchen is yours.”

Sebastian smiled that million watt smile of his and jumped into action. “You won't regret this.” He promised.

About one hour later, the soup was ready and a hearty meat stew was bubbling on the stove top. Sebastian was making salad and Kimi was setting the kitchen table, watching Seb work from the corner of his eye.

Sebastian turned off the burner and proudly announced. “Five minutes later we can eat the stew.”

Kimi took the salad from his hands and sat down to let him serve them their soup. When Kimi took his first taste, he was pleasantly surprised. It was really good and soothing his throat in a way he just needed it.

Seb chuckled at his surprise. “I guess you weren't expecting it to be even edible, huh?” He joked.

Kimi's shoulders shook with silent mirth, because his mouth was full. He just made a _thumbs up_ gesture and continued eating.

Sebastian watched him practically inhale the soup and then offered seconds. When Kimi wanted some more, he felt accomplished. “I take this as a compliment.”

“That was marvelous.” Kimi commended. “I can't believe you told me you weren't good at cooking.”

Sebastian returned back with a new serving and he shrugged. “Well, no one thinks that it suits me, so, you know…” He trailed off.

Kimi eyed the younger man and saw dejection filter in his expression for a second. “I bet they are the ones who know you from the tracks, right?”

Sebastian looked up at him somberly and nodded. “Yeah… I know most of them think of me as stupid and weak for letting that accident get under my skin deep enough to make me hide into a kitchen.”

Kimi openly grimaced at the words. “Who told you this?”

Sebastian played with his spoon for a while, trying to smile to show that he didn't care, but Kimi could see how much he actually did. “My team manager of that time…”

“I don't know much about the recent years of the motorsports, but I can tell that your team manager was an ass.”

Seb nodded with a wry smile. “He really was. While I was active and things went good, he'd praise the car and the engineers, and when things didn't work out, he'd blame me, finding a fault in every little thing I’d do or say.”

“Typical… You should have turned the tables on them during the press conferences before he'd have the chance to blame you for their own failures.” Kimi had witnessed ample examples of this thanks to Fernando's bumpy career. Fernando had always been generous with his praise and merciless and open with his criticism about his teams. Yet, Sebastian seemed different.

“You are not an opportunist… You had a more emotional outlook on the things and took their bullshit to the heart, didn't you?” He correctly guessed.

That made Sebastian's eyes widen and his face fell. He stopped pretending to eat and sighed deeply. “Okay… Another perfect guess… How do you do that?” He asked, standing up and serving the stew.

Kimi didn't want to say that most of his experience came from once having been married to a two times world champion in Formula One, so he shrugged. “I am a teacher, remember. I should be able to tell what my students think.”

“You would have made a fantastic PA for a driver.”

Kimi snickered at that, digging into his stew. “I don’t think so. The media would hate me, and in return, hate my driver.”

“But you understand me better than most of the ones around me during my time in the sports.” Sebastian lamented. “Forget the PA, you have the mentality of a confident sportsman. Have you ever considered racing?”

Sebastian wasn't aware, but he was making good guesses about Kimi, too. His offhanded comment about Kimi understanding him better than most people made Kimi feel funny inside.

“Rumor has it that there is a lot of politics surrounding the motorsports world and I'd hate to be a part of it, though racing sounds fun.” He gave a roundabout answer.

“How good are you at driving?” Seb asked a bit challengingly.

Kimi raised an eyebrow at him, a small smile creeping upon his lips. “Fairly good, I guess.” He had a bit of experience with rally cars thanks to his friends during his university years and loved driving.

“I am insisting on my earlier offer. We should test it sometime in my Ferrari.”

Kimi nodded with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “If you are willing to pay the speeding tickets…”

Seb laughed. “So, you are an irresponsible driver, huh?”

Kimi really wasn't, but he didn't correct Sebastian. It was more enjoyable this way. They finished their meal in companionable silence and Sebastian made them tea.

In the living room, while they had their big mugs in hand, Sebastian asked what had been bothering him since yesterday. “If you won't think I am asking too much, will you tell me what happened there yesterday, Kimi? Why did you react like that?”

Kimi believed that he owed the other man some explanation after putting him through so much. “Aina's father came unannounced yesterday.” He began, looking into his mug, for some reason, unable to face Seb. “Technically, he can visit every weekend if he wants, but he is too busy and lives in another country. When he has the time, he just shows up and takes Aina with him to car fairs, motor shows, panels on mechanics and races if there is one happening near…” Then he smiled ruefully. “You see, Aina forgets everything else when it comes to cars, mechanics and engines. And her father caters to that too well.”

“You don't like him, do you?” Seb was certain of it if Kimi's tight expression was anything to go by.

Kimi sighed deeply, risking a glance at Sebastian's eyes. “He was a huge egoist, wanting more, needing more to feel good… He was addicted to it, to the thrill of conquering and eventually owning everything, and I realized it too late. So, yeah, I don't like him.” He sighed deeply. “On Friday, he came and took her. I was alone and got bored quickly. I needed to do something to take out my frustration on, so I went out to have a walk.”

“For how long?” Sebastian could already guess that it was a lot.

“About three hours, I think.” Kimi answered truthfully and saw how Seb gaped at him both in worry and in disappointment for doing this to himself. “When my mind is preoccupied, I tend to forget the time, so…”

“And you already had a cold which you had ignored… But neither of these tells the real reason why you panicked.”

Kimi rubbed a hand at his face. He didn't want to say that his panic attack was triggered because he had realized how hard he was falling for the younger man before him.

“Is it too personal?” Seb gave him a way out, but Kimi shook his head. Sebastian had shared some of his most delicate feelings about his fallen apart career with him, so Kimi could also talk.

“My ex is, well… He is a bit of an asshole and he loves taunting me about my life choices…” Kimi blurted. “He still has the audacity of bringing his lovers before my door and sometimes… Okay, most of the times, finds something to tell me to make me feel worthless.”

Sebastian appeared to be completely taken aback by the confession. “Kimi… That's…”

“Yeah, he is abusive with his words…”

“Why aren't you reporting him then?” Sebastian was truly concerned.

“He doesn't use slurs or any other insults. He just says things that rile me up, but appear completely inoffensive to someone else, things people say during an argument... Taunting things that rub me the wrong way or scratch at an old wound... I thought of reporting him, but what can they do? There is no physical attacks, no slurs, no cussing… It's futile.”

He refused to remember Fernando's occasional touches to his cheek or arm, or suggestive looks that he'd give to his body and lips. Even though he sometimes acted like he was going to do something Kimi no longer wanted him to do, Fernando had never breeched his limits. So, other than his discomfort, Kimi didn't have anything solid to base his claims on.

“And Aina doesn't know.” He went on. “He has always treated her like a princess and she thinks very highly of him, admires him… I can't shatter her world just because I can't take a few stinging remarks from him once or twice in a month or so…”

Sebastian couldn't believe there were adults petty enough to hurt another with words just to mend their wounded egos. “Let me guess, you were the one who left him…” And he wasn't surprised when Kimi nodded.

“When Aina comes of age, there won't be any reason for me to see him again.”

“I remember you mentioning that she was 16… But isn't she in the last year?”

“Her test results were too high. They made her skip two years.” Kimi explained. “She has an exceptional IQ.”

“Wow…” Sebastian smiled at how proud Kimi looked when he was talking about his daughter. “Carl says they are aiming for the same university.” He recalled. “I am a bit doubtful about him making it, though.” He shrugged ruefully.

“He can make it, too. He is a brilliant student.” Kimi encouraged, finding Seb's worry about the boy needless.

“I hope so… He’s already lost a year because of what happened to his parents… So, I really want the best for him.” Sebastian scratched at his head with an awkward smile. “Though, he probably sees me as meddling and overbearing…”

“Which you are not…” Kimi assured. “You are trying to be good for him and Carl is intelligent enough to see that. If not now, he'll understand that in the near future.”

Hearing this from a teacher did wonders to Seb's self esteem. “Thanks, I needed to hear that.

Kimi nodded. “Anytime…” And they sipped their tea, talking about mundane things like the news and the football league that Sebastian seemed to be actively following.

It was time to go for Sebastian and even though Kimi had offered for them to eat dinner together, he refused, not wanting to outstay his welcome. There would be better days to do better things for the two of them and Sebastian couldn't wait for it.

_TBC..._

 


	5. Stars

Aina had returned late into the Sunday night and after having a shower, she had fallen asleep on Kimi's bed while telling him about the places she had visited with Fernando.

Kimi listened to her as he caressed her hair, loving the way how the house immediately got several degrees warmer and more welcoming upon her arrival. He secretly wondered how he was going to live without her when she'd eventually leave for the university. It surely was going to be hard for him, but at least, when Aina would be gone, his mother would be there to accompany him in his self imposed solitude.

A tiny voice in his heart of hearts whispered him Sebastian's name as a candidate to share his loneliness with, but he brushed the idea aside as impossible. Kimi was fine the way he was and he was going to manage, just as he had been doing so since he'd gotten divorced from Fernando.

Sometimes, loneliness was the better option instead of going through another heartbreak and beating yourself up over willingly repeating the same mistakes again when you should have known better.

He could no longer dare to give his heart over to someone, knowing that all he could do was to hope that that person wouldn't step on it again. He was no longer young enough to risk it. He had wasted a good portion of his youthful years with lamenting over his own blindness and overly trusting nature. Because of that, he had been burned badly enough to go into a panic attack at the sight of that smile full of adoration, warmth, and promises, and everything Kimi had been missing so dearly, but was equally afraid of.

His sleep was gone thanks to Aina's cheerful stories and he didn't want to disturb her by waking her. So, he got up and covered her with a blanket, leaving Aina to her rest.

He made himself some tea and sat near a window in the living room. He sipped at his tea as he watched the snowflakes dancing languidly in the air. It had been terribly cold for the last few days and thankfully Aina did not pester him about his sore throat or occasional coughs since his asthma attack had been suppressed long before she'd returned. Lying to her was something he hated, but he didn't want her to feel guilty for not being present when he had been ill. He also didn't want to explain her about Sebastian's involvement in how he had gotten better. He couldn't predict her reaction and he didn't want to risk her getting upset over it.

Kimi hoped that she'd remain ignorant of what had happened to him in her absence, but his hope was thwarted exactly two days later while Aina was going through the mail.

There was a letter from Kimi's insurance company, informing him of the billing of his recent hospital stay due to his asthma attack. Aina read the letter and about the treatment that Kimi got with a rapidly blurring sight due to her collecting tears.

Kimi was in the kitchen, heating up the food Aina had prepared after she had come back from school earlier than her father, none the wiser about what his daughter had found out.

Aina hastily rubbed at her eyes to dry her tears, wondering if she should ask about this to him. She could guess his reason for not informing her of his sudden illness, but was it really right of him to hide that from her even though he had done this for her and Fernando's sake? She didn't know. She was greatly touched and saddened at her father's selfless decision about not interrupting her and Fernando's time together even at the expense of being lonely during his illness.

She sighed deeply and took one last glance at the letter and realized something interesting at the bottom of it. The space under the hospital attendant signature should have been empty, but there was a signature and it was a quite familiar one.

She looked it up on her phone and compared the two signatures only for her guess to be proven right. It belonged to Sebastian Vettel.

“Aina, can you set the table?” Kimi asked from the kitchen and that brought her back to the present.

“Okay, dad!” She called back, quickly folding up the letter and dumping it into her room to inspect it better later.

That night, before going to bed, Aina messaged Carl. After some talk, she asked.

“Do you know where your uncle was last Friday night?”

_‘I make a point to not find out where he is or with whom he comes back home at what time, but last Friday I am sure he wasn't at home.’_

Aina wondered if asking more would look creepy, but then she thought to hell with it and went on.

“Do you have any idea where he was?”

The answer came after a few minutes. _‘Hey, I hope you are not falling for Seb?’_

Aina snorted at the suspicion mirthlessly. “That question mark makes me think that you are actually in doubt, not joking…” She wrote back a bit cruelly.

_'Well, I'd be devastated if that is the case…’_

_Aww_ , Aina thought, finding the last comment cute. “You know, I would have liked to question you about why that'd devastate you, but this is important, Carl. I have serious proof that your uncle spent that night with my father.”

The answer was instant. _'What.The.Frigging.Hell?!’_

“Calm down, not like what you think.”

_‘Then how? C'mon, tell me…’_

“My dad has asthma and I wasn't at home last weekend. Apparently, he had an attack while I was away and got hospitalized. Guess who was with him at the hospital and signed the paperwork in his name.”

_'Daaaamn… Wow… Oh, I mean, I hope your dad is well now.’_

“So well that he fooled me saying that it was a minor cold until I saw the insurance bill in the mail with your uncle's signature under it.”

_'There was a message from Seb asking for your number that night… I guess he wanted to inform you of what had happened. I saw it too late and didn't get why he’d sent it.’_

Aina shook her head with a smile, guessing Carl's way of thinking. “So, you thought there was something going on between us?”

_'Well, it was a dumb thing to assume, sorry.’_

She could totally picture Carl's big brown eyes in her mind's eye, filled with dejection. “No, silly... Your concern was cute. But guess what's cuter…”

_'You!’_

Aina barely suppressed her laughter, giving Carl a point her head. “Okay, that was cheesy but a winner at the same time. But I seriously suspect that your uncle is after my dad.”

_‘After? I think he's already gotten him! Since meeting Mr. Räikkönen, Seb hasn't brought anyone home and as far as I know, he didn't hang out with anyone at the restaurant, either.’_

Aina was really intrigued by that. “How can you be so sure about it?”

_'Two of the cooks are nice guys and share the latest gossip with me.’_

“Tell me more!” Aina got really excited as Carl typed.

_'I bet you didn't know your dad and Seb had dinner at the restaurant after Seb went to apologize.’_

“And?”

_'There was maintenance that day. They were all alone.’_

“Does your uncle do this for his lovers, too?”

_‘Well, yeah, he does, but there is more. One of my friends says he saw Mr. Räikkönen with Seb at that big music and book store after the parent teacher conference.”_

Aina snickered knowingly at her father's lame excuse of that day when she'd asked him where he had been. “I knew dad was at that store. He brought some new books and CDs for me… But, oh my god, a date at a bookstore? That's too romantic for my dad! I can't even imagine him keeping a straight face. Just like in the movies!”

 _'Well, Seb loves romantic things, too. I am sure it was his idea, making up some excuse to get your dad accompany him.’_ Carl didn't know how right he was.

“And do you have any more gossip?”

_'I don't know if you'll be alright with hearing all these...'_

“Are you crazy? Sebastian Vettel is trying to flirt with my grumpy dad and I'd be angry about it? Spill all the beans, Carl…”

_‘Okay… You asked for this… Just recently, Seb asked one of the cooks to prepare a dinner for him and your dad. Just for the two of them with candles and flowers… Here, at home… And Seb never does that. I don’t know what he was planning for the night. If you know what I mean...’_

“Woah…” Aina was speechless, too giddy and a bit embarrassed at the insinuation.

_'But apparently your dad brought his friends with him and whatever Seb had been planning got wasted. They seem to have talked about a charity business or something.’_

Aina couldn't decide if she should laugh at Sebastian's thwarted attempts at flirting or get angry at her father for acting like a klutz at the younger man's advances.

“Anyone willingly looking after my dad at the dead of the night when he was in need is a good guy in my book. And that guy being Sebastian Vettel instantly elevates him to the level of awesome.”

She still couldn’t forget the day how Fernando had dragged her out of the hospital, saying that what Kimi had was contagious and hospitals were not suitable places for little girls to stay, leaving Kimi there all alone until her grandfather had come for his son. That incident had marked the day when she'd understood that Fernando no longer loved Kimi.

Her heart ached at the bitter memory and just then Carl sent her laughing emoji stickers and dissipated her sudden sadness. _'I was hesitant to tell you all this because I thought you hated Seb for saying those things to your dad.'_

Aina chuckled. “All in the past :) He earned my respect.”

_‘That’s nice to hear. But what are we gonna do about all this?’_

Aina knew just what to do. “Carl, do you want to go on a date?” She already had a plan forming in her head even before he said yes.

_'Of course, but what does it have to do with all this?’_

“We'll talk about the time and the date later, okay? Just send me your uncle's number.”

_‘Why do you need it?’_

“You’ll see… ;)”

* * *

The next day, close to the midday, Sebastian got a call from an unknown number. Not thinking much on it, he answered and then brushed all his work aside due to the surprise he got when he heard who the caller was.

 _'Mr. Vettel, if you have some time, I'd like to talk to you…’_ It was Kimi's daughter, Aina.

Anxious about her reason for calling him, Seb got up from his chair and closed the door of his office to get away from the noise. “Of course, I am all ears.” He cheerily replied, but he couldn't deny that he got a bit nervous about the polite and cool way the young girl talked to him.

_'Well, this will be a bit abrupt and might sound out of the blue, but, can you tell me what you were doing with my dad last Friday night?’_

Oh… _Oh…_ Sebastian began to pace in his room, not knowing what to say. “Look, I don't know how much you heard from your dad, but…”

Aina interrupted him. _'He hid it from me, but I saw the hospital bill that you signed, Mr. Vettel…’_ She told him with a neutral tone of voice as if all she wanted was an explanation.

Sebastian scratched at his chin, hoping that by telling the truth he wasn't about to ruin whatever Kimi had probably told his daughter about his illness. “Okay… Firstly, call me with my name, please. And secondly, please don't be mad at your dad after hearing what I have to tell…” He bargained and told Aina what had happened that night and the day after at their house.

Guessing the girl's reaction from her monosyllabic answers and measured tone was impossible, but Seb hated lying. “Any damage done is on me. Kimi wanted you to spend more time with your other father and didn't want to see you cry.” He tried to explain.

But Aina was somewhere else. _'You cooked soup for my dad?’_

It was as if she was onto something completely different from what Sebastian was trying to explain. “Yes?” His brows furrowed.

 _'You bought him his medicines…’_ Aina's voice sounded as if she was in a daze.

“Shouldn't have I?”

 _'You spent the whole night on a plastic chair beside my father, waiting for him to wake up…’_ This time, her voice broke a bit and then Sebastian heard the unmistakable sound of a muffled sob from the other end of the line.

“Aina, are you okay? I know I should have persuaded him to call you, but, he really didn't…”

Aina interrupted him yet again, this time with a strange sound somewhere between crying and laughing. _'I am fine, I really am. Thank you so much for staying with him, thank you…’_

“I would have done the same a million times over…” Sebastian answered truthfully. “Not that I want him to need a hospital again.” He added hastily, unaware that Aina was making a fist pump at his admission, a big stupid smile on her face with Carl watching her with an equally big smile of his own.

 _‘I want to show you my gratitude!’_ Aina excitedly declared. _'Would you like to go on a date with my dad?’_

Sebastian's mouth dropped open at the offer and he stopped pacing, looking unseeingly around in search of words for a few seconds.

 _'Are you still there, Sebastian? Ugh, calling you only with your name is weird.’_ She chuckled at the awkwardness and he could finally remember how to talk.

“Yes! Yes, I'd really love to!” He blurted and then felt his cheeks color at his own enthusiasm. “I… I mean, why not, if Kimi wants, too?”

_'Leave that to me. Are you free after six today?’_

He wasn't. He had promised to go to a bar with a couple of friends, but he'd never miss this. “I am, yes!” He smiled at his lie lopsidedly, feeling giddy at the prospect of having an excuse to see Kimi again.

_'Okay, great! Dad doesn't know that I am aware of what had happened while I was away, so, we'll act like we stumbled upon you guys at the place I'll text you soon, okay?’_

Sebastian frowned at the plan. “Who are _we_ and _you_ , and why are they plural?” Laughter chimed from the other end of the line and Seb raised an eyebrow at the familiarity of it. “Carl, is that you?”

 _‘Ahahaha! Yes, uncle and sorry, but me and Aina will be your third and fourth wheel during your date.’_ Another bout of laughter and Seb couldn't help but smile ruefully at the cute sound of the two teenagers’ mirth.

“Well then…” He accepted, thanking his lucky stars. “Let's hope that Kimi and I won’t turn out to be the third and fourth wheel in _your_ date, instead.”

* * *

"It must be something that will keep me warm, look classy, and be comfortable.” Seb was rummaging through his closet, indecisive and a bit panicky. “And also it shouldn’t look as if I put too much effort in it.” 

Carl was watching him from the corner of his room, arms crossed across his chest with a big grin on his face. “Just pick what you usually wear for the times you hang out with friends, uncle.” He offered.

Without turning towards him, Sebastian shook his head. “I can practically hear that grin on your face, young man.” He berated without a real bite. “And, no… I am going to spend the remainder of the evening and the night by falling on my ass like a toddler, so at least, I want to look handsome while doing it.”

That made Carl openly laugh at him. “I can’t believe you are nervous about a date, Seb… The end of the times is nigh!”

This time Sebastian turned to him with a serious expression before challenging his nephew. “Then put something together for me.”

Carl sobered up and looked at the slowly forming smirk on Sebastian’s face. “Alright, if you trust my taste…” He accepted and Seb nodded.

Ten minutes later Sebastian was in a dark blue, red and grey ensemble that made him look sharp and young.

* * *

Elsewhere, Aina was also doing the same for her father, too.

“I don’t think I can get into those, Aina…” Kimi complained when he saw the tight jeans his daughter had pulled out of a drawer.

“You can.” Aina protested. “You are thinner than when you had bought these. Even with thermal tights under, these will be comfortable. Go and try them on.” She handed him the black jeans and began looking for a nice sweater that would bring out the color of his eyes and hair. She swore she was going to make her father look great.

“You were right, they fit.”

Kimi came back into the room, looking good, but he didn't need to know that. Instead, she berated him good naturedly. “Which means I need to fatten you up a bit...”

* * *

It had been several weeks since the lake in their city got completely frozen over and turned suitable for the people to skate to their heart's content.

The banks of the lake had cafes and places where people could rent ice skates, with nice pop music blaring from their sound systems. A large portion of the lake was illuminated, so it was easy to see people dancing and skating quite a bit away from the banks.

Aina was the first one to wear her own white skates and as she waited for Kimi to put on his black ones, she texted Carl what part of the lake they were, hoping that their chance meeting would look natural enough to convince her dad to not question her motives in arranging something like this.

Kimi stood up and experimented with how the skates felt under his feet before he took Aina's hand and quickly gained speed as he dragged his giggling daughter to somewhere they could skate freely without getting in the way of the new learners.

There was a wide smile on his face as he glided with Aina to the music, quickly gaining a few onlookers, because the two of them moved quite well on the ice together. Kimi spun Aina around powerfully and Aina did a confident and graceful flip that earned them a few _wows_ and applauds which in turn made the father and daughter do another one just to show that it hadn’t been done by chance.

A bit away from them, among the crowded side, Sebastian looked on at the father and the daughter with sagging shoulders and a hopeless look while Carl was making small but confident circles around him, thinking about how to approach the other duo.

“Okay… When I can barely stand on these goddamned things, how am I supposed to approach him? Is he Plushenko or something?”

Carl laughed at Sebastian’s defeated look, taking his hands and pulling him. “He won't mind. I already told you. Mr. Räikkönen isn't a petty man, Seb!”

“Whose idea was to meet here? Couldn’t you find somewhere safer where I wouldn’t embarrass myself to death?” Sebastian nearly pouted as he watched Kimi and Aina made some nice footwork suitable to the rhythm of the song playing. He let himself be pushed and pulled by Carl who seemed to be onto something.

“Let’s go back home… He’ll laugh at me and I don’t want to look bad…”

Carl shook his head, gaining speed. “No… You two are not on your first date, Seb. I know you guys have met and spent time together before. You can’t give up before trying.” He tried to assure his uncle, twisting and turning him around by the both hands as if to instill some confidence in him, but he was mostly trying to disorient Seb.

“Alright, Mr. Detective… Teach your uncle about life some more, but slow down a bit before that.” Sebastian was getting dizzy, though he couldn’t deny that he was gaining a bit more control over his grip.

Carl didn’t listen, instead, smiled again conspiratorially. “Trust me on this, uncle…” He winked at Seb. “He’ll think you are cute.” And he pushed Sebastian away with a great force after twisting him around by tugging him fiercely from one of his hands.

Sebastian’s mouth opened in shock at the forceful treatment, his legs unsteady, his head spinning as he shouted a frightened “I’m gonna kill you!” at his nephew before he shut his eyes in fear of his eventual crashing into the ice or someone and breaking things.

“Dad, watch out!” Aina shouted nearly at the same time, unable to contain the mischievous grin appearing on her face when she saw Sebastian got hurtled towards them by Carl like a loose cannon.

Being a recreational hockey player, Kimi had great reflexes and control on his movements on the ice and he managed to turn just in time to see somebody rushing towards him with his arms and legs flailing everywhere for a bit of purchase to stop himself.

Kimi caught the man before he would hurt either one of them, and to break his speed, Kimi turned around himself with the other man in his arms, a bit bent backwards to find balance. When they came to a halt, his mouth dropped at the sight of who he had caught. He heard Aina first snort and then laugh out loud at their perfect tango dip.

Sebastian opened his eyes just in time to see Kimi’s stupefied expression focused on his person and after blinking a few times to reorient himself, he awkwardly smiled at his savior. “Hi, Kimi...”

And Carl’s snickering joined to Aina’s, the two youths approaching them.

Kimi’s expression turned from alarmed and shocked to pleasantly surprised and even a bit embarrassed if Sebastian could read him correctly. Not that Sebastian was in an any different state as the other man corrected their posture and let Sebastian go. “Are you alright?”

Sebastian gave a hard look at the youths still laughing silently at them and then nodded, smiling shakily. “Sorry for giving you a scare. Carl was trying to help me gain some confidence, but it didn’t go well…”

Kimi tilted his head towards his student who instantly sobered up and played his part. “I guess I was a bit harsh on him… Yes, I miscalculated my own power…” Carl lied through his teeth, shrugging innocently. “And by the way, good evening, Sir…”

Kimi shook his head at the cheeky attitude of the teen and smiled at him before turning to Sebastian who still looked a bit shaken and unsteady on his feet. “You look so white. Are you really okay?”

Sebastian was glad for Kimi’s concern. “Actually, I can barely stand on my two feet…” He confessed.

“Why don’t you sit there and drink something hot?” Aina suggested, pointing at the nearest café with chairs and small tables on the edge of the ice.

Her offer seemed so genuine and natural that Carl nodded, backing her. “Yeah, something sweet might help?”

Seeing that this had been the plan of the two teens since the beginning, Sebastian looked back at Kimi expectantly and Kimi was quick to agree.

“Come on. I’ll help you.” And he linked their arms, gently leading Sebastian towards the café.

Aina made a victory sign at Carl who smiled at her, proud of his work. “That was really dangerous…” She whispered to him as they followed the elders behind. “He could have broken something.”

Carl grimaced. “I know… He’ll probably chew my head off when we’ll get home.”

“But it was brilliant.” She commended and that was enough for Carl.

Kimi helped Sebastian settle on a chair and the two of them watched the youths take off towards the service counter, saying that they were going to buy everyone drinks. Sebastian was looking everywhere but at him and Kimi had a good guess why. “You really don’t know how to skate, do you?” He asked the obvious, making Sebastian groan and hide his face into his hands.

“I am so lame, aren’t I?” Came Seb’s muffled reply.

Kimi thought that the younger man’s embarrassment was cute, but unnecessary. “Not lame, no…” He protested. “You don’t need to be perfect at everything and ice skating is hard.”

Sebastian looked back at the people enjoying themselves on the ice and lamented. “Even little kids can do it...”

Kimi chuckled at that. “Is this your first time?”

Sebastian scratched at his beard nervously, taking a glance at Kimi. “Second time… But the first one was so long ago that I can’t even remember when.”

Kimi raised an eyebrow at that. “Then, why now? Looking for a thrill?”

Sebastian pursed his lips. “There was some persuasion involved… That I couldn’t deny…” He vaguely explained and just then Aina and Carl returned with hot lattes, handing them their carton cups.

“Dad, can we go on?” Aina asked and that made Kimi think that he and Seb had been roped into his daughter and Carl’s date to make it look natural for the two of them to _stumble upon each other_ and spend time together.

“Of course…” He answered, smiling at the craftiness of the two youths, unaware that it was totally the opposite of what he had guessed. When they glided away, he turned to Sebastian whose eyes told him that he had been thinking the same thing. “They used us to have their own date, huh?”

Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh at how wrong but also how right Kimi was about their situation. “Yeah…” He played along. “And I was this close to hurting you. I am really sorry for being careless.”

Kimi shook his head. “It’s alright. I am glad you are not hurt.” He really was, because he could guess that Sebastian would hate to break a limb or two which would hinder his aspirations for the future. “How do you feel now?”

Seb took a large gulp from his coffee and gave a deep breath. “Fine now… Not disoriented anymore.” He looked at the other man properly for the first time in the evening and felt his breath catch in his throat.

Kimi looked really nice in his petrol blue coat and beanie, his eyes a beautiful blue-green hue with his hair shining golden due to the prominent color of his clothes. There was a relaxed and happy air about him, healthy and at peace with himself. Sebastian wanted to stare at him forever, but he knew that it was rude, so he averted his eyes, feeling bashful about how hard he had fallen for the other man.

“If it is alright with you, I can teach you a bit?” Kimi offered him. “If we’ve got roped into this, we might as well have fun, too. Yes?”

Sebastian’s heart skipped a beat at the suggestion, unable to completely suppress the color from rising to his cheeks. Aina had known that Kimi would offer teaching him and calculated what that could lead to. She was really letting this happen and Seb realized that he owed one to the clever girl. But knowing the plan also led to awkwardness on Sebastian’s side like he had never felt before.

He looked back at Kimi and when he saw how calm and collected he was, Seb told himself to step up his game. This was a golden opportunity and there was no time to feel insecure or afraid about his lack of skills on ice or at flirting. “I’d love to…” He agreed, deciding to leave things to their course.

“Take off your gloves… You’ll feel safer then.” Kimi helped Sebastian get up and find his balance, smiling in an encouraging way as he led him from both hands. “Don’t stand too straight.” He advised. “Relax and bend your knees a bit.”

Sebastian did as he was told; feeling safe in Kimi’s firm but gentle grip and severely aware of the warmth of their connected hands. “Good?” He asked, just to say something.

“Good, yes…” Kimi agreed. “Don’t step to the back, step to the side. Use the inner sides of your skates.” He demonstrated the action several times and watched Sebastian copy him nicely. “Hold your knees inward like this.”

Now that someone was actually trying to teach him, Sebastian realized that he liked how he could feel the blades scrape the ice under his feet, resembling it to taking a sharp corner in a car. “This is nice… Yes, really nice...” He couldn’t help but like the feeling of control that he slowly gained thanks to Kimi’s help.

“Yeah?” Kimi smirked, gaining a bit of speed as the younger man got more confidence in his balance and control. “You are a good learner.”

“You are a good teacher.”

That made Kimi laugh out loud and when Sebastian looked at him in question, Kimi reminded him. “I remember being told the exact opposite by a certain someone…”

Sebastian’s eyes widened and he bit his lower lip when he recalled what he had told Kimi about his profession during their first encounter. “Oh, please… You won’t let me live that down, will you?”

Kimi shook his head. “I’m not that cruel, but I still find it amusing.” He stepped behind Sebastian and held one of his hands as he put the other on his shoulder. “And you turn around like this, with leaning towards your shoulder, it will lead you.” He talked close to Sebastian’s ear, unaware that he was giving goose bumps to him.

Sebastian could only nod, feeling hot allover as Kimi continued explaining how to come to a stop and then begin again, his breath right beside Sebastian’s ear.

Away from them, Aina and Carl were making wide arcs, trying to stay away, but also close enough to see what the two men were doing.

“Seb needs a bit help…” Carl mused. “I can’t believe he is acting like a middle schooler with his first crush.”

Aina snorted at him. “I think my dad needs more help. He can’t even realize how red Sebastian turned.”

“We know Seb is down, but are we really sure your dad likes Seb back?” Carl was skeptical as he watched Kimi toy with Sebastian’s heartstrings without being aware of his effect on him.

Aina pursed her lips, giving it a serious thought. “He smiles when he is with him… In fact, he smiles so much that I am sure his cheeks are hurting now.” She wasn’t very experienced in matters of love, but her female intuition was telling her that Kimi was as deep as Sebastian was, maybe even deeper. “Can he be in denial?” She blurted.

Carl tilted his head at her as if asking her to explain.

Aina gave a roundabout explanation of how her two fathers got divorced and how it had hurt Kimi. “Maybe, he is trying to keep things friendly, denying himself the opportunity to fall in love again…”

“Could be… But what can we do about this if your father doesn’t want to take the next step and admit this to himself?”

Aina frowned. “I am going to force his hand.”

“How?”

“Follow me. We need to do some bribing.”

A few minutes later, Sebastian’s phone vibrated and they slowed down so that he could look at it. It was a message from Carl and it was in German. _‘Seb, confidence! We arranged a few great songs for you two. Use them well!’_

Quick to hide his surprise at the message, he snorted at the audacity of the youths, knowing that they had to be watching and laughing at him from some corner, having the time of their life. _Alright…_ He thought. _I don’t have anything to lose…_

“Important?” Kimi asked, taking Seb’s hand back again and leading him.

“No, from a German friend… The usual…” Sebastian looked back at his companion, his aura suddenly different.

Kimi realized it, too. As if a flip was turned on in the other man, Sebastian seemed much more confident and suave. His smile resembled to the intoxicated one that he had when Seb had caught him standing outside the restaurant. He looked in his element now, even though he had been just a flailing mess at the beginning of the night.

“Please show me that last move again.” Sebastian demanded and Kimi complied, teaching him how to move backwards.

Sebastian quickly got the hang of it and drew Kimi closer by both hands, smiling at him smugly as he led him backwards in nice arcs. “Like this?”

Kimi nodded, impressed by how quickly Seb was learning. “Are you sure you weren’t fooling me when you said this was only your second time?” He was skeptical.

“I am a fast learner and this very much resembles to driving, the way the body sways naturally to the direction the skates lead you to.” Sebastian mused.

“Like the car pushes and pulls you, huh?” Kimi let Seb pull him towards himself and try spinning him. “Slowly… Good…” He commended when Seb managed to gracefully make him turn around himself even as they continued skating.

“Thanks…” Sebastian beamed at his praise as Kimi made him do the same figure. “So… Is being a Finn a factor in your talent on ice?”

Kimi laughed, shaking his head. “I play ice hockey quite frequently with my friends.” He began, unaware that they fell into the dance stance for the couples as a nice song from the 90’s began. “Aina loves skating, too. We go to the ice rink nearly once every month.”

“So, practice makes it perfect...” Sebastian hummed to himself. “This is quite enjoyable, relaxing even, I wish I had known how to skate long ago…”

“Why didn't you try to learn before?”

“I fell too many times at my first try and got afraid of breaking something, hindering my progress at driving.”

Kimi could understand that. He had never managed to make Fernando join him and Aina in the past due to the same reason even though Kimi had tried to assure him that he wouldn't let him get hurt.

Seeing that his words made Kimi thoughtful, Seb made light of it. “If I had a teacher like you before, I bet I would have been as good as you are now.”

Without thinking, Kimi offered again. “You two can come with us, then, whenever you have time. I can teach you more.”

Sebastian felt giddy at the offer. “Are you really sure? We'd be intruding on your time with Aina.”

Kimi shrugged. “No, you wouldn’t. Aina seems to like it maybe more than us.” He smiled, glancing sideways at the far right side of the lake where Aina and Carl were animatedly trying to accomplish fancy moves and having great fun.

“I can assure you that I liked this more than her.” Sebastian said softly and saw Kimi's eyes widen. He swallowed, nervous, but also eager to see where this would go.

Kimi averted his eyes from Sebastian's expectant and nervous ones, suddenly feeling warmth spread every part of his body. He wanted to ask him the reason, but he was afraid.

Upon getting no reply from Kimi, Sebastian's insecurity peaked, but he refused to give up. “Would you really dance with me?” He asked, drawing Kimi towards himself, coming face to face with the other man, close enough to share his breath.

Kimi did not push him or try to get himself away. So, taking courage from that, Sebastian whispered. “Take the lead, make me move however you want. I want to know what I have been missing all this time.”

Kimi looked back at him with eyes filled with hesitation and wonder. It was as if Sebastian had read his mind just then. “You might fall and get hurt…” He reasoned.

Seb shook his head, smiling softly at him, wondering if Kimi had caught his words' double meaning. “I know you wouldn't let that happen.”

The trust that was put into him astounded Kimi when the memory of Fernando's doubt was so fresh in his mind.

Just then, as if on cue, a classic Simply Red song began, alerting the two of them to the amount of 90’s songs that had been playing one after another.

“Oh, I love this one…” Sebastian broke their silence and held out his hand and was thankful that Kimi did not leave him hanging.

“Okay, just relax and follow my motions.” Kimi took the lead and clasped their hands together securely. He began to sway to the moderate rhythm of the song, pushing Sebastian back to make a great arc on the ice.

Sebastian just left himself in Kimi's care, forgetting about the people around and how they were watching them. Kimi was smiling and laughing whenever he couldn't quite make Seb pull up a figure and get surprised when Sebastian could guess the course of the move and confidently follow it through.

“You really have a talent for this.”

“Because you are a good lead, I can guess your moves.”

Kimi couldn't help but feel a bit proud about it. “Though I can't dance on land to save my life…”

Seb laughed at that. “Really? Well, I consider myself good at that. Maybe I can give you lessons?”

Kimi grinned and nodded, accepting the offer.

After that, they fell silent, totally lost in their own world, unaware that they had attracted some spectators.

Kimi was completely captivated by Sebastian's trust and surrender, tasting that same heady happiness he got whenever he was near Seb until guilt and doubt would hit him. Now, he was away from those negative emotions. His world was narrowed down to the younger man's handsome face and beautiful smile before him. He was unable to look elsewhere.

Their faces were close and at the back of his mind, Kimi realized that it had been years since the last time he had been like this with someone. Their proximity came as natural and he could even feel the younger man's body heat, gentle and encompassing. It was an addictive feeling and he wanted to melt into it, lean on Sebastian's shoulder and simply glide on the ice with the soft music embracing them.

The music began to die down and, emboldened by doing well so far, Sebastian copied one of Kimi's moves and tried to spin him around himself. But maybe because of carelessness, maybe due to the exhaustion, Kimi lost his balance as he was returning back to Seb's hold.

Sebastian caught him and held him securely to his chest. “Wow, you really fell into my arms just like in the song…” He laughed, practically hugging him.

Kimi was smiling, too, clutching onto Sebastian's arm and chest. When he steadied the two of them, he looked up and his nose touched to the younger man's, without realizing how and when they had gotten so close.

They both stopped, but none of them moved an inch, their smiles slowly disappearing.

Kimi saw the moment Sebastian's eyes landed on his lips, their blue color dark, hopeful, and full of love. His breath hitched in his throat and heat engulfed him when Sebastian leaned just a bit down and tilted his head to the side, his lips landing on Kimi's slightly parted ones.

The contact was soft at first, tentative and unsure. All Kimi could feel was that touch and all he could hear was his own heart. A strange emotion swelled within him, painful, but at the same time so precious and wonderful that he felt his eyes tear up even though they were closed. He sighed against Sebastian's lips and when he felt the other man begin to move a bit back, he couldn't help but follow him, turning the kiss into mutual and deeper.

Sebastian's heart burst with joy when Kimi returned the kiss. All his inhibitions flying out of the window, he leaned back in, trying to get as close to Kimi as possible with their big coats and beanies in the way. He was the first one who opened his mouth, swiping the edge of his tongue on Kimi's lower lip. And when Kimi opened his mouth in return, Sebastian shivered at the hot silky feeling, his hands going up to hold Kimi's cheeks, his thumbs caressing his clean shaven face lovingly.

Unbeknownst to them, Aina and Carl had been watching them with Aina filming it all as Carl stood beside her, frankly a bit surprised at her plan's success.

“Well I wasn't expecting this…” He whispered, not wanting the camera to catch his voice.

Aina giggled, happy and excited to see the fruits of her endeavor. “I didn't, either.”

Carl rubbed a hand at his brown curls, his expression relieved and happy. “It is strange to witness my teacher getting snogged by my uncle, but I am happy… Seb is one lucky guy.”

“Aren't they cute?” Aina chuckled at the kissing couple.

“Yeah…” Carl agreed. But their happiness was short-lived.

Kimi was the first one letting go of the kiss, his insecurities and fears catching up with him. The euphoric feeling of before was slowly turning into an ache at the pit of his stomach and when he looked at Sebastian's face, it got cemented.

This was him with Fernando all over again… He couldn't manage to be enough for Fernando even when he had been young and quite a looker during their fall off. Now that he was old and tired of struggling to keep his own personal integrity intact, he stood no chance. He wasn't going to be enough for Sebastian, too. Nothing more than a good conquest, someone to spend some good time with, a fond memory... Then Sebastian was going to move on with his career and leave him behind, just like Fernando had done.

His heart couldn't take it. Not again...

He put his hands on Sebastian's and slowly pried them off from his face, watching Sebastian's eyes first fill with incomprehension and then with shocked fear and sadness as he tried to follow his backwards motion.

Kimi smiled at him sadly and when he completely detangled himself from the younger man's hold, he shook his head, swallowing hard at the lump in his throat.

“Why are you leaving, Kimi?” Seb asked, not understanding the sudden cold shoulder he was receiving. “Were you against it? Did you hate it? If so, I am sorry… Please, don't go! Please!” He shouted as he tried to follow Kimi, who was getting away from him rapidly.

With an equally shocked expression, Aina went after her father, too, calling his name for him to stop, looking between him and Sebastian who was still trying to make Kimi stay and talk to him. But when she realized that her father was in no mood to talk anymore, she turned around and made a sign to indicate Sebastian to not follow them.

Carl was quickly beside his uncle, holding Sebastian back, letting Aina take care of the things from her side. “What happened, Seb?” He asked softly, unable to understand how their night out changed from blissful to this horrible mess within a few minutes’ time.

Sebastian felt tears sting his eyes as his body trembled in distress. “I don't know… I swear he kissed me back… I would never do anything he wouldn't want…” He rubbed at his face fiercely, trying not to sob at the miserable way he felt about how everything had turned out to be.

Carl sighed, giving his uncle a half hug and began taking him away. “I don't think that was the problem, Seb.” He frowned.

“What do you mean?” Sebastian could barely see before him, so he let Carl pull him towards the bank.

“Aina and I have a guess and she will help us out. So, just don't give up on him, alright?” Carl patted his shoulder.

Sebastian could only sigh and nod, praying that he hadn't actually driven away the true love he'd managed to find maybe for the first time in his life.

_TBC..._

**_AN:_ ** _If anyone is wondering, the song that plays during their dance is Stars by Simply Red._


	6. Still Loving You

Their ride back home was silent and tense. Aina sat beside Kimi, looking at him with worry filled eyes as Kimi drove back home with a completely unreadable face. She let him be for the moment, waiting for them to get back home.

When they got in and shed their coats, the first thing Kimi did was to turn to his daughter and speak before she could say anything. “That won’t happen again, Aina. Sorry for making you see that…”

Aina’s brows furrowed, not completely getting Kimi’s meaning as her father began pacing in the house and Aina following him like a lost duckling. “I don't understand, dad. Why are you apologizing?”

Kimi didn’t know how to answer to that. He sighed loudly, his eyes darting at every which way except at his daughter. “Forget ever seeing that, okay? It was a mistake.” He blurted, panicky and pale.

That was when Aina stood before him and made him stop by holding his arms. “Come here and sit, dad.” She looked at him with every ounce of solemnity that she could muster and hoped that he'd calm down a bit.

Kimi gritted his teeth, clearly in a lot of anxiety. “It is not a good idea, dear, it's not…” He protested, unable to keep himself still.

“No, we need to talk. I don’t want to watch you eat yourself up silently, dad. What do you always say, remember? We talk, we share...” She persisted and won as Kimi let her lead him to the living room.

She sat down before him and when she saw his eyes cold with the hurt that he was going through, she knew that she had to be careful. So, she tried to assure him. “Dad, I am not against you and him, if that’s what made you react like that back at the lake.”

That got Kimi a bit surprised and he found the courage to take a glance at her face, but again, he couldn’t say anything.

“Your eyes tell me you didn’t expect to hear that.” Aina smiled at him ruefully. “Dad, I want to see you happy. More than anything, more than anyone… If your happiness will come from him, then I’ll be delighted, too. You know I like him.”

Kimi couldn’t look at that gentle smile for long and averted his eyes again, his chest hurting at how sincere she seemed to be about her words. “That’s… That’s not… Aina, I can’t do this…” He exhaled shakily and leaned forward with his hands covering his head in a subconscious attempt to make himself smaller.

Aina stopped him again, taking those hands into hers and tugging him up to gently correct his posture. “Why, dad?” She put a small kiss on the back of his hand. “He treats you so well, he is a gentleman, and he looks at you as if he is looking at the stars… Why do you hold yourself back?”

Kimi felt his eyes tear up at her words. He swallowed thickly a few times, his gaze on their hands clasped around each other tightly as if they could share the misery and lessen it through their link. “He wants too much…” Kimi whispered. “He is not as openly greedy and aggressive as some others, but he is burning with the need to have it, even at the risk of his life…”

Aina didn’t get it all. “What does he want, dad? I don’t…” She began, but Kimi cut her words off.

“He wants to get into that goddamned car and race.” He leaned back, running a hand through his hair with a sigh as if he was crushing under the weight of the whole world. “He wants his career back, he is young and in a position to get it. But, what am I?” He looked back at her, his eyes full of dejection. “I am just an old man who can no longer follow him.”

“Dad, aren’t you comparing him to the worst that you have ever seen? Isn’t that unjust?” Aina protested, realizing that Kimi was thinking of Fernando.

Kimi smiled at Aina’s naive claim mirthlessly. “No… He is just passing his time, Aina. Don’t you see? He opens a restaurant just to keep himself busy; he buys a bigger place just to create himself a new toy to spend his time on until he rediscovers his courage to get into that car. He hops from bed to bed, just to get the thrill that he couldn't get from racing…” He stopped there as if to avoid saying more on it, that painfully derisive smile still on his lips. “Everything is a past time activity for him, something to pour himself into, until he’d feel brave enough to burn his passion out on a race track.”

Aina didn’t know how to counter her father's words, because it really seemed like that when she looked at the situation from Kimi’s eyes. “Dad… This is too harsh even for you...”

“No, dear… This is the truth. He is even worse than Fernando in this. He wants more because he could've done more and is upset that he couldn’t do it… In all honesty, anyone would feel that way. I can understand him. He is simply trying to channel that need into other things. He wants a bigger place, wants more success in his business, more cars, different partners to feel fulfilled… And the reason he is worse is because he seems so guileless, so natural…”

Kimi bit on his lower lip, his face tight in agitation. He couldn't stop himself from saying it all, because finally he had found someone who was willing to listen to him other than the lonesome of his own mind. “He is so sweet.” He sighed deeply. “So innocent that he makes you believe he deserves the world and he really does. He makes you feel like you can give him your everything until nothing remains to you, because you think he is worth it.” He murmured as if to himself, his eyes cloudy. “But I can’t, Aina… I don’t want to hope and wait to see if he’ll treat it well or if he’ll step on it like Fernando did.”

Aina fell on her knees and hugged him firmly, caressing his hair in a way that she hoped was soothing. She knew Kimi was a sensitive person who hid himself in a hard shell and a mask of detached coldness to protect himself, but she'd never known how much that sensitivity and thoughtfulness was hurting him. “But dad, you are already in love with him.” She whispered and felt Kimi's hold tighten on her. “The damage is done… I know you want him to be true to you as much as you would treat him to, but unless you give him a chance, how will you find out what he’ll do?”

Kimi hid his head in her arms and let her pet his hair to calm himself down. She was right, the damage was already done, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to take that next step. “I don’t know, Aina…” He murmured, grimacing at the headache that began to spread from his temples. “I am so tired.”

Aina sighed at his admission, utterly upset at the miserable state that Kimi was in. She loved Fernando as much as she loved Kimi, but whenever she got a glimpse of how many scars Fernando had carved into Kimi’s heart and psyche, her love for him soured and felt cold. Because, even after damaging the person he had loved in the past to this extent, Fernando still had an active love life with multiple partners, even unabashedly telling her at times that Kimi had always been his one and only true love. Said as a joke or not, she felt resentment fill her upon the thought, wondering what kind of _true_ _love_ would cause such a heart break that even at the prospect of new love, Kimi was still afraid and preferred to be lonely instead of embracing it.

* * *

Sebastian was confused and gloomy the next day, having slept so little. And his mood spiraled even downwards after he called Kimi several times with him never picking up. Rubbing his hands at his face in frustration, Seb contemplated what to do the whole day.

The need to just get into his car and go to Kimi’s house was so strong that he had to pace around several times until he could suppress the itchy feeling. Their kiss played in his mind like a looped record even though he tried not to think about it, tried to forget it. Because, the more it reminded him that he had experienced something as sweet and as wonderful as that, the more it tormented him. He began to wish he had never kissed Kimi so that he wouldn’t have fled. At least then, Sebastian would still be able to see his face and hear his voice. He really was in love with the other man and who would have guessed that rejection could hurt this much. It gave him stomachache and he couldn’t even eat a proper meal.

When even the pacing around proved to be not enough, he threw himself into the gym and worked out as if there was no tomorrow. Thinking caused frustration and frustration spurred him on in his running until he felt his knees buckle under his weight. Even then, he took his shower and wore his sweatpants and zip up hoodie, leaving his car behind and walked back home. Since his mind was completely invaded by the thoughts of Kimi, he had forgotten his keys in the car and had to ring the bell.

Waiting for Seb’s return, when Carl opened the front door for him, his mouth hung open at the sight of the gaunt and haunted look Sebastian had.

Seb dragged his feet towards the couch in the living room and threw himself on it, covering his eyes with an arm, grimacing at the miserable state he had put his body into.

Carl tentatively approached him, sitting on the edge of the couch, extremely worried. “Seb, where have you been?” He asked softly.

Sebastian took a deep breath and exhaled it back as if fed up with everything. “Killing myself at the gym…” He answered, still lying on the couch, hiding.

“Did you eat something?”

Carl wasn’t surprised when Seb shook his head. His uncle would always skip meals when he was greatly stressed. “That’s not good… You’ll feel horrible in the morning. Let’s get something into your stomach…” He offered, hopeful that Seb wouldn’t torment himself so.

Sebastian didn’t think he could keep anything down at the moment, instead, he asked.  “Any news from Aina?”

Carl had news of course, but nothing that could help them. “Aina is giving some space to her father until he could sort himself out, but apparently, his ex has wounded him too deep and he fears to go through the same thing again with you, Seb.”

At that, Sebastian’s hands closed into tight fists and he turned towards the other side, his back to his nephew. “So I am fighting against the phantom of a bastard who ruined Kimi for me and me for him without even seeing my face or knowing that I exist…”

Carl chose to look at the brighter side. “Seb, he never does things half way or half heartedly. He expects the same from others, too. Aina says he is so in love with you that he fears you won’t love him the way he loves you.”

At that, Sebastian opened his eyes and looked at Carl for the first time since he had come in. “But I already love him, I really do…” He defended himself with a boyish innocence that even Carl found endearing.

“Then you’ll either make him believe into the sincerity of your love or persuade him into taking a leap of faith for you.”

Sebastian gazed at his nephew in a totally lost and helpless way. “How am I going to do that…?” It wasn’t a question, because he really didn’t know the answer to it and neither did Carl.

“You’ll be persistent and we’ll hope that his love for you will win over his insecurities and he’ll be willing to try this with you…” Carl offered with a small smile, shrugging.

Sebastian considered that, finally feeling a bit anchored about this whole mess thanks to Carl’s calm words. He shook his head at his realization, a self-deprecating smile on his lips. “I’ve never taken a better love counseling before, I feel completely outdone by my nephew…”

Carl smiled at the praise, rubbing a hand at Seb’s back. “Come on, get up. At least eat some soup before you faint of hunger.” He encouraged and helped Sebastian up. His uncle needed some energy if he wanted to persuade his stubborn teacher.

* * *

“You sound a bit down.” Fernando frowned. “Let's switch to video talk. I want to see you.”

Aina didn't want him to see her face. That made lying harder. “The reception here is bad, father. We’ll be disconnected before I'd say a word.” She chuckled at her own words for good measure to make it more believable.

“But are you really alright?” Fernando insisted. “Everything’s going well?”

Aina forced some cheer into her voice. “Yes, father. No need to worry. The first exams are close. So, I am a bit stressed. That’s all.”

That convinced Fernando, but he was still a bit worried for her. “I hope you are doing something to get that stress out of your system, princess.”

That, Aina could talk about. “Of course! We went to skating on the lake and it was really fun!” She gushed.

“Do you have pictures?” Fernando smiled when she told him that she had lots and would send him all after hanging up. “And how is Kimi? Last time we've met. He seemed a bit sick.”

Aina bit on her lower lip in distress. “He is still feeling a bit down the weather.” She said, which was not a complete lie.

“He is gone thinner, too.” Fernando pointed out, wondering why the other man wasn't looking after himself better. “He is not drinking again, is he?”

Aina's blood ran cold at the question. Kimi used to drink a lot during the time when he had found out how much of a fool Fernando had made him out to be. “No… Dad has been sober since you two broke up.” She felt tears prickle her eyes upon remembering how afraid Kimi had been of losing her custody due to his habit. Her resentment peaked at Fernando for even daring to ask about it. “Please don't say such things about him, father. It hurts me.”

Fernando cursed himself for putting that broken tone in her voice. “I… I am sorry, Aina. It was insensitive of me, please forgive me.” He pleaded, waiting in sick trepidation for her to say something.

Aina swallowed thickly, trying to smile and forget. “Alright, forgiven…”

Relieved that she didn't pursue his assumption, Fernando sighed deeply. “Thank you, princess. I don't know what I did to deserve you.”

That finally put a genuine smile on Aina's face. “Yes, you are one lucky guy indeed.”

Fernando chuckled at the other end of the line. “See you soon, Aina. And don't forget to send me the pictures.”

“I'm on it. Love you, father.” When she hung up, she sent him all the pictures Carl had taken and shared with her through their chatting app, completely forgetting that one particular photograph was also in that folder.

Several minutes later, Fernando was drinking his tea, opening the files one after another with a fond smile on his face until he came to a halt when he saw one of the pictures. At first, he thought that it was a prank by his daughter, but when he realized how genuine the picture was, his eyes turned cold.

A deep frown settled on his face and his lips turned down at the sight before him. He enlarged the picture, taken in a foreign luxurious house, and gritted his teeth when he figured out who was hugging Kimi's waist as he lied on the Finn's lap. Completely relaxed, intimate and possessive as if he’d belonged there since forever.

Sebastian Vettel…

Fernando could barely keep himself from smashing his phone, so he chose to throw his tea cup at the nearest hard surface.

That German had some nerve.

* * *

Sebastian persevered for two whole weeks, stubborn like a mule and hopeful to the point of foolhardiness, but nothing came out of it. He called Kimi once a day, sent text messages asking him to just talk to him. He told Kimi that they could get over this, whatever this was, if only they would sit and talk face to face one more time. But Kimi completely ignored him.

Carl didn't have any good news and even Aina was unable to breech her father's defenses.

So, Seb went to work, went to the gym, and met his friends at the bars and at other places. But he refused any attempts at flirting, refused to drown his sadness in alcohol even though the unwanted feeling was intensifying into unbearable amounts as the days passed by, mundane and desolate.

Yet, in the morning of the fourteenth day, Sebastian woke up with a strange sense of loss, of defeat and hopeless resignation. The tiny voice that whispered him things about how Kimi had never been interested in him to begin with, how he was an idiot for even acting on that assumption got louder to the point of giving him a headache.

He tried to look at his situation from the outside and saw himself being a piping hot mess, a total fuck up. He had been practically begging to someone who apparently no longer wanted anything to do with him, but was kind and merciful enough to not hang up on him or block his number altogether. Most probably, Kimi was patiently waiting for him to understand that his behavior was bordering on harassment.

Sebastian felt humiliated; not by Kimi, no… But by his own delusions that made him believe that he and Kimi were on the same page, that they could be the best together. He felt like the biggest idiot of the century and it hurt. It hurt like when the kids at school had made fun of him and never let him play with them. It hurt like when he had been ridiculed by the media for his choice to open a restaurant instead of returning back to F1 even though several good teams had offered him a seat. But he could only blame himself for this, because truth be told, when he considered how Kimi had acted around him, Sebastian had been the one who was more flirty, who acted needier, who created reasons for them to be together, who ignored Kimi’s fear that night he had fainted. Kimi had always tried to keep a bit of distance, but Sebastian had done everything in his power to cross that line. He fell into this mess willingly. Now, all he could hope was to get out of it quickly by forgetting its cruel ache. And he knew just what to do to quicken the process.

* * *

Barcelona was cool, a parka and a beanie was enough to walk around the city without feeling frozen to the bone. It had been sometime since he had last came here, but everything was the same; the track, the pit lane, the wonderful sky that rained one time and then turned sunny the next, presenting good opportunities for the teams to collect data on different weather conditions.

Only a month after the visit of the Renault F1 team to his place, Sebastian was sitting together with the engineers and the team manager now, having a meeting on their schedule for the next four days that had been alloted to their team’s winter tests. He diligently took notes, perfectly understood what was being asked of him and was pleased to see that the team was happy to have him there.

He was excited. The level of the emotion rivaled to that of his first F1 race. He was also afraid, but this wasn’t racing and the team was asking for specific parameters for the first day. He was going to test a lot of variables and the engineers wanted to test different aerodynamic components in different fuel and tire scenarios. It was a hundred percent safe driving with a bit of pushing the limits during the last day. But what spurred him on was the need to forget and feel alive again.

He hadn’t even told Carl where he was, what he was about to do and why. He knew that Carl was updating Aina about everything that he was doing just as she was talking with his nephew about her father.

Kimi seemed to be faring well, not needing him, not missing him. Probably relieved, because Sebastian had stopped calling or messaging him after the initial two weeks. When Seb would finish his work here and return back home, it was nearly going to be a whole month. That was a lot of time to get over someone and Kimi didn’t even need it to begin with. The thought twisted something in his chest, but Sebastian could still breathe and that at least had to count for something.

On the first day of the testing, Seb was up and about the garage quite early, dressed in the team’s overalls with a nondescript helmet that had its visor on to keep the media from getting definite pictures of him. Thankfully, there weren’t much people from the press around, so Sebastian did his preparations undisturbed.

The cockpit of the car was not fitted for him, but it was nice and felt comfortable enough when he sat in it, his heart hammering in his chest, overpowering the pain of rejection.

It felt amazing.

The car was brand new, right out of the factory and smelled in that peculiar way the new paint, the carbon fiber, gas and tire rubber mixed together. It was almost heady and Sebastian loved it even though he sweated like crazy while sitting in it as the engineers and mechanics crowded him, giving the last touches to the car for their first scenario. Then Seb got the permission to go and he took the car down the pit lane in a daze, on autopilot. He felt dizzy and his eyesight got blurred a bit, invisible ants invading his skin and making everywhere numb and itchy at the same time.

The team was following his data from the screens and gave him some time to get used to the feeling, to adjust himself to it and get the hang of it. The radio was silent for a while as Seb did two laps in a slow and steady pace. Then, it cracked into life. “How does it feel, Sebastian?”

That got Seb out of his daze and he felt extreme happiness flood him for the first time in a while. He began to laugh. “Fantastic! Truly magnificent!” He confessed and gained speed as he started his third lap.

His engineer laughed with him, too. “Nice to hear that, mate. How about your fear?”

To tell the truth, Sebastian was still afraid, but it also felt distant as if he was detached from it. “Under control…” He answered honestly.

“Okay, then. We can begin whenever you feel ready, mate.”

Sebastian turned serious again. “With the beginning of the fourth lap…” He informed and focused.

From then on, without getting out of the car, Sebastian did 90 full laps on the circuit and some of which were pretty speedy and on the edge. His side of the garage had watched him in awe at his level of fitness and concentration. He had everything that was asked of him so perfectly that his engineer was grinning from ear to ear at the data that he had collected. When he returned back to the garage, several of the mechanics applauded him for his endurance and dedication.

Seb felt over the moon, but it only lasted until he returned back to his hotel room and laid on his bed, trembling all over as the comprehension of what he had done finally dawned on him.

He had overcome his fear. He had fought against himself and won. He had finally closed a chapter of his life that lasted for three long years and now he was free. So then, why did it feel lacking? Why did he want to cry instead of laughing and celebrating? Why did life have to close one door on his face before he could open another? Why couldn’t he call Kimi now and gush about his accomplishment to him, share the fulfillment of what he had managed to done with him?

He didn’t want to think. If he thought anymore than this, he was going to make himself cry and he had sworn that he wouldn’t stoop that low. He vowed to do his best and get the most out of this. And for that, he needed to sleep. But even there, he was not alone.

His treacherous mind played him a trick in his sleep. Maybe because he had burned too much adrenaline during the day or because he had chosen to not have a partner since he’d met Kimi... He didn't know, didn't want to put too much thought into it, because it was quite a mortifying experience to wake up on the throes of a wet dream about someone who had not even deigned to flat out reject him.

He gritted his teeth at the absurdity of the situation, still feeling the after effects of the strong sensations of his dream coursing through his body.

“Damn it, Seb…” He groaned and looked up at the ceiling with a grimace. “What are you now, a hormonal teen?” He berated himself, the emptiness in him growing.

* * *

“I don't know where Seb is. It has been a week and he still refuses to tell me.” Carl complained, rubbing a hand at his face, tired and worried.

Aina was not in a different state, either. She had a constant anxious expression etched on her face now instead of her beautiful smile. “Dad is eating less and less and spends too much time in his garage.”

They were sitting in her favorite patisserie, thanks to Carl taking Aina out to boost her mood. He had hoped that a tasty piece of cake and hot cocoa would lift up her spirits, but it didn't work out as he had expected.

“He seems normal enough around me, but I know that he is just pretending.”Aina continued. “There is a box of records in the garage and when he thinks I went to bed, he goes there and listens to them without actually doing anything.”

Carl was at the end of his wits. “It feels like we've got two lovesick kids having a fight over nothing…”

“It very well might be the case… But we need to do something about this before it drives me crazy.” Aina played with her tiny fork, thinking.

Carl was getting a bit reluctant. “I love Seb to bits and pieces and I really like your dad, too… But, should we really interfere this much into their business?”

Aina raised an eyebrow at Carl's hesitant behavior. “Yes, we should.” She argued. “At least, I should. My dad is throwing a fit to hide how much of a scaredy little kid he is inside and hurting both himself and Sebastian in the process. Since he apparently can't make sound decisions about his love life and overall happiness, I feel responsible in his stead.” She leaned back and crossed her arms on her chest.

Carl couldn't help but smile at her self righteousness. “Are you serious?” He doubted it.

“Of course, I am.” She protested, finally a smile appearing on her lips. “You’ll see he’ll thank me in the end.” Then she turned solemn again and held Carl's warm eyes. “He has been denying himself for too long, Carl. I want him to live his life without feeling guilty about it.”

Carl leaned back, too, still a bit dejected. “I have never seen Seb like this. For a while after his accident, he used to have this vacant, desolate look in his eyes whenever he thought that he was alone.” He sighed at the memory, his expression sour. “I chanced upon that same expression on him a few times after that night.” Then he scratched at his head, mussing up his curls in frustration. “I hate that look on him, Aina. I never want to see that again. It reminds me of too many things and none of them are good in the slightest.”

She swallowed at the pain reflected in Carl's eyes and at that moment, she realized something. She had to do this not only for her father's and Seb's sake, but also for Carl's and for her own. Her determination renewed, she dug into her caramel cake. “Can you at least learn when he'll be back?”

Carl watched her eat the sugary delight with a gusto she hadn't shown before. “I suppose, I can.”

“Ask him now. Ask him until he answers.

Carl dutifully did as he was told and texted his uncle. “What do you have in mind?”

Aina took another large bite from her treat. “We’ll persuade Seb to give my bull-headed father another chance.”

“And how are we going to do that?”

Aina drank her cooled down hot chocolate in a few gulps and narrowed her eyes down as if sharing a conspiracy. “I'll personally talk to your uncle and before that, I'll emotionally compromise my father into a mellower version of him to make Sebastian's work easier.”

Carl's eyes widened at Aina's words. She had a knack for making the hardest things sound as if they were a child's play and she looked cool while doing that.

“Why are you smiling at me like that?”

Carl just shrugged, his mood elevated by Aina's optimism. “Just thinking about how cute you are.” He told her honestly and watched her blush prettily.

* * *

That night, Aina pretended to go to sleep and waited for Kimi to turn in, too. But as she had expected, he went down to his garage and shut himself there.

Slowly and silently, she went downstairs and passed through the basement that was connected to the garage. Only one lamp was on and Kimi was sitting on his fold up chair near his work space, his back hunched. He appeared to be thinking, leaning his head on a hand, holding the booklet of a recording with the other. His hand was covering his eyes as if to block out the world and even before seeing his face, Aina knew that his mood was down the drain.

Her grandfather's turntable was playing a Scorpions song that added to the bleakness of the cold garage. The sound was low and echoed a bit, haunting.

Aina eyed the box that Kimi had left on the floor by his chair. She approached quietly and saw their address on it, the name of the book and music store that Kimi had visited with Sebastian was printed on the duct tape. It instantly clicked in her mind. These records were a present from Sebastian.

She consciously made some noise to alert Kimi of her presence as she stood beside him, taking the box from the floor. Kimi had to be in deep thought, because he jumped a bit when he suddenly saw Aina standing right beside him.

“These are all brand new. Oh, some are limited editions...” Aina put the box on the work space, getting the records out of it and going through them as if she hadn’t just surprised her father.

“I thought you were sleeping.” Kimi corrected his posture, watching her with one raised eyebrow, wondering where this was going.

“I am not… This German gentleman called me here.” She waved a hand towards the turntable. “Which also reminds me that these are from another German gentleman, aren’t they?” She slid out another record from its casing and placed it on the turntable, glancing at her sullen father. “In that case, this song fits the two of you better.”

Kimi turned his head away in an open show of gruff displeasure as _Still Loving You_ began. “This is not funny, Aina.” He grumbled, leaning his head back onto his hand again, but not meeting her eyes.

“Yeah, not funny, dad.” She agreed, noticing the dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. “Not funny, because it made him disappear to somewhere and he didn’t even tell about it to his only family. Carl is sick with worry.”

Kimi flinched visibly, a deep frown settling on his face at her words, his shocked eyes finally turning to meet hers. “How long?” He straightened up again.

“A week… And Carl says Sebastian has never done this before, leaving him all alone…” She leaned against the wall and crossed her arms.

Kimi was at a loss of words, his gaze panicky and hopeless as he looked around unseeingly. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

Aina shook her head, her voice deliberately accusatory. “Would you have done anything if I had told you?” When Kimi did not answer and looked down, she snorted. It was time to be cruel. “I can’t believe how you are only thinking about yourself in this, dad.”

Kimi’s eyes found hers in hurt and bewilderment. “What? Aina, I...”

She didn’t wait for him to finish. “Imagine how Sebastian must have felt everyday when he had called you and texted you, only for you to ignore him as if you’d ignore a stalker. Did you think by not hanging up on him or blocking him you were being merciful… kind..?”

Kimi’s face paled into a sickly shade at the accuracy of her words. His mouth opened and closed as if he was going to say something to defend himself, but Aina did not give him a bit of respite.

“Merciful to whom? To him? Dad, you are one of the people who knows what a humiliating thing it is to be ignored, left hanging as if you are not even worthy of a rejection.”

The times he’d have called Fernando for only to be ignored by him for the sake of his lovers invaded Kimi’s mind. He exhaled shakily, hiding his mouth behind a hand as if to stop himself from talking or maybe sobbing.

“But you were being merciful to yourself.” Aina pressed on, acting braver than she felt at the sight of her father’s pain. “Two weeks is a long time to persist… Knowing that you are always on someone's mind even when you didn't have the courage to answer them... Was that why you never hung up on him or blocked his number? Because you wanted to be assured that he was still there, thinking of you, hurting for you? Tell me, dad… How did you feel when he stopped calling you? Did it hurt? Did you think he had given up on you?”

Kimi shut his eyes tightly against her scalding questions. He tensed up despite himself, gritting his teeth to the point of hurting himself. “Yes!” He answered truthfully and a bit angrily. He stood up, needing something to do with himself, so he started pacing around. “What do you want me to do, Aina? Why are you doing this to me?” He faced his daughter, his hands balled into fists, his eyes pleading for an answer.

Aina looked at him long and hard, wanting to shake him physically to instill some sense into him. “I want you to see that you love each other, see that you deserve each other… Realize that he is not Fernando, realize that Fernando has been living his life however he wanted while you have been denying yourself everything, trembling in fear!”

Kimi’s shoulders slumped, his face turning into a picture of hurt and defeat. It was painful to witness and Aina felt horrible for being the trigger of it. She took a few steps to him, her voice trembling with emotion. “Say… Your heart might get broken again, but so what? He might hurt you, but so what?” She reached up and took his face in her hands, caressing his hair and cheeks reverently as she looked up into his eyes.

“I love Fernando from the bottom of my heart. But, he didn't deserve you. Yet, you continued living in pain for someone who didn’t deserve it, dad. If you have already resigned yourself to live with that hurt and pain without even being aware of it, at least do it for someone who’d deserve it. Didn’t you say Sebastian deserves the world? How do you know if he’s not thinking the same of you?” She gave him a big hug, embracing him with all the power in her arms, feeling him tremble ever so slightly.

“Live, dad… Not just exist. Please, live.” She whispered.

* * *

The team completed the testing successfully without any major problems at both sides of the garage. Everyone seemed contend with the results. While the team got what they had expected from Sebastian down to a t, Sebastian had put a great experience under his belt. Sure, he still had no idea how he would react during a real race with other cars speeding right beside him, but he knew he had left a very good impression on the team and hopefully, the next summer he'd be able to find a seat for himself.

As long as he didn't think about Kimi, he felt fine, accomplished, and light as a feather. But when he was alone in the darkness of his silent hotel room, his thoughts were betraying him.

He considered staying in Spain for a few days more, but he’d realized that loneliness was not the answer to his predicament. Also Carl had been pestering him about when he was going to return, so he decided that it was time to go home.

More than a week later, everything seemed the way it was, sans the thick blanket of snow that used to cover the city. It was slowly melting now and everywhere was wet.

Upon his arrival, Seb stopped by the restaurant first, and then he checked upon the renovations that were going on in his new place. When he returned home, it was the evening and seeing Aina waiting for him was not something that he had expected.

She was sitting on the edge of the couch, her head hanging low as if she was about to cry with Carl sitting beside her and patting her shoulder in a consoling manner. She had such a sad and troubled expression that Seb rushed into the living room without even getting rid of his outwear, fearing the worst.

“Did something happen to Kimi?” He asked Aina who looked up at him with sorrow filled eyes. He turned to Carl and saw a similar look of hopelessness and dejection on his face, making him panic further. “Is he ill? Is that why you called me back so fervently? Carl, Aina, please say something… What happened to Kimi?” He pleaded with the teenagers, his heart beating in his throat. Then, as if a switch was turned off, their expressions changed, turning calm and analyzing.

“He is still down.” Carl nodded decisively, confusing Sebastian.

“Yes, he is still in love.” Aina agreed.

Sebastian gaped at them both, first in shock for falling into their trap, and then at their audacity for doing this to him. At another time, he might have found it cute, but not right now. “That was really low.” He berated, hurt for being played with like this. “Since you had your fun, I’m getting changed and then getting out of here.” He turned around to leave, but got caught by the youths from both arms.

“Seb, stop, you have to listen…” Carl insisted. “Aina has things to say to you.”

Sebastian bit on his lower lip, closing his eyes in annoyance at how rapidly his defenses were getting breached when it was about Kimi. He stopped, but did not turn around.

Aina walked around to face him, shyly looking up at his eyes. “I am sorry for doing that, Sebastian.” She sincerely apologized. “And I am sorry my dad has hurt you.”

Sebastian averted his eyes and frowned, his mouth turning down in distress. Not knowing what to say, he got rid of his coat, beanie, and scarf, throwing them at an armchair. He began to pace, the teens watching him in trepidation.

“Please, see him one last time.” Aina requested in a small voice.

“I don't think he'll be happy about it.” He shook his head. “And I don't want to be humiliated to that extent.”

Aina pressed on. “He won't refuse you, I promise. He couldn't even hang up on you, could he?”

“That was just him being kind!” Sebastian's lips twisted into a deprecating smile. “Though, I would have preferred to hear an honest to god _fuck off_ instead of that.”

It wasn't time to give up, Aina went on. “Because it was like his life line! He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. All he did was to go down into his garage and listen to the records you've gifted him. One after another, in the cold, all alone...”

Sebastian felt his chest ache, but he was stubborn in his denial. “That won’t sway me, no… If he’d really wanted to have me in his life he would have done something about it. It has been nearly a month, for fuck’s sake!”

Aina knew that Sebastian was right, very much so, but she also believed that everyone needed another chance. She sat down at the edge of the couch, hunched forward and just like Kimi, she rubbed a hand at her cheek in contemplation. “My dad… He… He is a difficult man, Sebastian. He is difficult to understand. He looks cold and detached, even comes off as emotionless to some. He hides himself too well. He acts as if he doesn’t give a shit, but he cares… He cares a lot.”

She held Sebastian’s eyes again, Carl sitting beside her as if to give her strength. When she saw that Sebastian’s tense expression did not change, she chuckled at herself mirthlessly, shaking her head.

“I can't deny he comes with a load of problems; self esteem and trust issues as his bonus. If you decide to get him, I am sure he’ll give you quite the grief with his excess baggage. Not directly, mind you. He’d never consciously hurt you like this again if you’d keep him well. But old habits die hard and you might get burned nonetheless.” She turned serious again, narrowing her eyes at him. “Tell me just one thing. Would you like someone like this? Do you want him?” She stood up and tilted her head back a bit challengingly.

Sebastian took a deep breath and continued his pacing. He had already seen a glimpse of what kind of a scarred man Kimi was under his cool and controlled exterior. Truth be told, he wasn’t much different from Kimi, either. He was scarred, too. He was afraid, too. But, his scars and fears lay somewhere else, not in love. That was something he had never experienced before, so he could only guess what Kimi had gone through in the hands of his bastard of a husband to turn into someone like this. Did he want Kimi? Good god, yes… In ways he couldn’t say right now. But did he feel ready to face whatever life might throw at him because of his love for the Finn? He wasn’t looking forward to it, but who was he to lie, he knew Kimi was worth it.

“He told me that you deserve the world…” Aina tried one last time, discouraged by Sebastian’s silence. “Do you really?” She asked, surprising him. “Because, my dad means the world to me.” She declared and then got up to leave, Carl following her with gritted teeth at his uncle’s stubbornness. But Sebastian stopped her.

“Was your father like you when he was younger?”

When Aina turned towards him and saw a beautiful fond smile spreading on his lips, her eyes went wide and then she relaxed, understanding what he meant. “Fiercer… A total hot head…” She grinned.

Sebastian snorted at that good naturedly, giving up and shaking his head at the beaming teens. “Do you have a plan or shall I just kidnap your dad into the wild until he accepts he loves me?” He shouldn’t have been surprised to see that the devious girl actually gave it a thought.

“Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Sounds hot…” Carl agreed mischievously, making Aina giggle.

“But I have something in mind. Let me explain and if you don’t like it, you can always kidnap my dad.”

Sebastian ushered them back in, laughing at their antics and already feeling better than he had felt in several weeks.

_TBC…_

**_AN:_** The first Scorpions song in that scene is _When the Smoke is Going Down_ and I love Sonata Arctica's version of _Still Loving You_ just as much as the original.

Next chapter is M rated.


	7. Total Eclipse of the Heart

Two days after his talk with Aina, Kimi was dressed in a black suit, sipping at some juice cocktail at the party that Jenson threw for his and Brittny’s marriage anniversary. He hated gatherings like this, but he liked the hosts too much to refuse their invitation.

The other guests were the couple’s family, colleagues and close friends. So at least, Kimi knew quite a few of them, because Jenson had been one of his oldest friends and he had been the one who had offered Kimi his help in moving here and working as a teacher even before Kimi had gotten his divorce. He owed the Brit a lot and Aina had practically dressed him up with her own hands so that he could go and enjoy some company to take his mind off of things. But being here wasn’t doing the desired effect on him.

Almost everyone was hanging around in pairs and honestly, the sole highlight of the night was watching Lewis and Nico flirt with each other openly now. Kimi didn’t know when the two younger men had taken the next step, but they looked good together, glowing as they chatted about this and that. They were trying to include Kimi into the conversation, too, but Kimi only listened to them, not wanting to be the third wheel to their date.

At least the food was good and the party location was nice. The spacious and warmly decorated place seemed to be consisting of a number of rooms joined together by a large dance floor in the middle and it opened to a big garden. Lots of opportunities to be alone... And surprisingly, the weather wasn’t that cold. So, Kimi chose to lounge close to the glass doors that opened to the garden and simply watched the others talk and dance and have fun.

At the back of his mind, he could still hear his daughter’s words about him letting life pass him by, and he knew that she would have liked for him to have some fun here, but he neither had the energy nor the desire to get up from his seat and socialize. He just sat there with his back mostly turned to the rest of the other side of the dance floor, his eyes on the night sky that seemed to call out to him. He sighed and tried to not think about Sebastian and where he might be right now.

As if on cue, just at that moment, his phone vibrated and having nothing better to do, he took it out to see what it was about. When he saw the notification, he couldn’t help but spring to his feet, his heart leaping up into his throat. There was a large file sent to him and it was from Sebastian.

Feeling his hands start to tremble enough for him to drop his phone, he walked out, right into the garden, to cool his head and steady his heart before he opened the file. He took in a cold breath and exhaled it shakily, feeling the left side of his chest hurting. It was a video of their dance on the ice from that night.

He fleetingly wondered after nearly two weeks of silence why the younger man had sent this to him, but that thought flew away with the persistent pain that reminded itself as he watched the video. Though he couldn’t hear the music of it due to the noisy party, he could hear it in his head. He could remember what the two of them had been saying to each other at every little move that he had managed for the two of them to pull. He could still feel Sebastian’s strong and trusting hands holding his, warm and naturally fitting as if they’d belonged there.

Kimi couldn’t believe himself that he had managed to drive away a man who looked at him as if he was looking at the best thing he had ever seen instead of the stubborn cruel old man that Kimi actually felt like.

Indoors, an old song began and Kimi gritted his teeth at how well the lyrics described him. He looked up at the sky, unable watch the moment they had kissed in the video. More than losing him, more than pushing maybe his last chance at happiness away, he hated himself for hurting Sebastian. At that moment, there was nothing that he'd despised more.

As the music reached to its first crescendo, Kimi's phone vibrated again, this time alerting him to a text message from Sebastian. He was hesitant to open it, because in all honesty, he expected to get a scalding remark from the other man about the video. But instead, what he saw made his heart skip a beat.

_‘Turn around, bright eyes…’_

* * *

When Sebastian got inside the party hall, he was quickly welcomed by the host, Jenson. The older man had a knowing smile on his face and Sebastian felt self conscious, wondering what Aina had told about him to the other man about his reason for being there.

Thankfully, Jenson was kind and polite enough to let him off the hook without asking him anything and direct him where Kimi was.

Seb found Kimi with his back turned half way to where he was standing, absently watching the sky with a solemn and contemplative expression. His white shirt was setting off his blond hair nicely and his suit really did him justice.

Sebastian realized that the two of them had worn the same thing, only now realizing why Carl had insisted for him to wear a black suit without a tie even though Seb had been in no mood to dress up.

He sent the video and watched Kimi jump to his feet, eyes widening and movements quickening in a way as if he didn’t know what to do with himself. Then Kimi walked out into the garden and focused his attention on his phone.

Just then, the band started to play an oldie in a slightly slower tempo and Jenson patted his shoulder as he walked by him. Sebastian had a guess about who had chosen the song, because it was obviously played for him and Kimi. He typed a message for the Finn and sent it, his heart hurting his chest with the power of its beats.

Kimi turned around and saw Sebastian standing in the middle of the dance floor, wearing an identical suit to his own, looking calm and serious. He forgot to breathe.

Sebastian kept his ground and did not move towards Kimi even though he just wanted to fly to his side. No, Kimi was going to come to him. This was their last chance and either Kimi was going to come to him and into the light and the warmth, or he was going to turn his back again and choose to stay in the dark and cold. This was Kimi’s call to make, not Sebastian’s.

Kimi bit on the inside of his lip, understanding the reason why Sebastian was not making an attempt to come to him. The younger man just held his eyes, leaving the choice to him and Kimi felt his feet move even before he registered what he was doing. Only then, only when Sebastian saw him taking a step towards him, his expression softened and then turned into a beautiful smile that Kimi had been dying to see again.

When Kimi rushed in and stopped right before him, Sebastian reached out and held Kimi’s face between his hands, coming closer to him enough to touch their foreheads together as Kimi embraced him and closed his wet eyes to save some of his dignity. Sebastian returned the hug and for a good moment they stayed like that in each other’s embrace, trying to get themselves together. The first one to talk was Kimi and he began apologizing immediately, but Sebastian stopped him, leaning a bit away. “Just to make sure… Are you really my boyfriend now?” He asked with an impish smile.

The question surprised Kimi, leaving him wide eyed, because this whole time, he had only been thinking about how to get Sebastian to forgive him. Then everything all clicked together seamlessly. “I think we have already been boyfriends for quite a while…” He murmured with a shy glint in his eyes.

Sebastian grinned at the truthfulness of the words. “Yeah, we even managed to overcome a break up, huh?” He caressed Kimi’s cheek again, playing with the hair bits that fell over his forehead, biting his lower lip even as his eyes danced with happiness. He wanted to do more, but he doubted Kimi would like to be kissed right in front of many of his friends and colleagues.

Kimi was not any different, correcting Sebastian’s shirt collar and smoothing down the breast of his jacket, smiling like he had never smiled before. The need to feel the younger man close to him was so strong that there was only one way to do that before so many people. He put his hand on Sebastian’s shoulder and held the younger man’s hand to his chest, taking a dance stance. “Take the lead; make me move however you want. I want to know what I have been missing all this time.” He whispered as he looked deep into Sebastian’s dark blue eyes.

Hearing his words said back to him brought tears to Seb’s eyes, making him even happier than before if it was possible. “Glady, Kimi, gladly…” He whispered against the Finn’s lips, breathing the same air with him.

Kimi closed his eyes and let their foreheads touch again, leaving his body’s control to Sebastian, unaware that a lot of people had been watching the two of them with smiles of their own, admiring their happiness.

“I can’t believe my anniversary turned into your friends’ matchmaking party.” Brittny pouted and acted as if she was complaining, dancing to the song with Jenson. She shook her head fondly at Sebastian and Kimi and then at Nico and Lewis who were close to them.

Jenson smiled at her antics. “If so, then we have the honor of being their cupids.” The Brit grinned, his wife pinching his cheek playfully.

“Yeah, it is easy to imagine you as that fat assed flightless baby, alright.”

Jenson laughed out loud, and then smugly replied. “But you love my fat ass.”

* * *

Sebastian and Kimi danced well into the second song. Now, their hearts were calmer and their expressions were soft. They took short glances at each other, their smiles widening at each of them. They were mostly swaying to the music by now, but it was enough. Kimi sighed deeply at the peace of mind he had finally found as if he tried to exhale all his exhaustion and that made Sebastian observe him for real this time.

“You look so pale.” He whispered and Kimi’s eyes found his, a bit troubled, but mostly apologetic. “There are dark circles under your eyes.”

Kimi could only swallow. “Because, I didn’t want to sleep.” He whispered back.

Sebastian frowned. “Why, Kimi? Why torment yourself so?”

Kimi kept their eye contact even though it was hard to do that. “All I saw in my dreams was you. That made me miss you more. And reminded me how much I must have hurt you…”

Sebastian shook his head solemnly. “Never do that again to yourself, never, understand?” He hated the idea that Kimi could forgo sleep or food because of him. When Kimi nodded docilely, he rewarded him with a smile. “I want to take you away… Be alone with you.” He looked at Kimi's widening eyes, hopeful.

Warmth filled Kimi at Seb's wish. “Let's do that.” He nodded and without waiting for another beat, Sebastian turned around and began leading him out, pulling him by the hand.

Kimi saw Jenson and Nico look at his way, Jenson with fond exasperation and Nico with a sleazy grin. He waved at them with a smile of his own and followed Sebastian around. Only when they had to put on their coats they let go of their hands.

They got out of the hotel into the crisp night, the cold air hitting them with a vengeance and they instinctively huddled closer.

“Walking?” Seb asked, the adrenaline coursing through him needed to be burned, but he also feared that it might cause Kimi to fall ill.

“Just take me wherever you want.” Kimi told him and Seb's heart leaped into his throat again. But when he looked into the Finn's eyes, he saw that Kimi had not made any innuendos. His words held a deeper meaning. Wondering if he should find Kimi's innocent words cute or disappointing, he tried to rein in his desire so that he could do justice for the other man's trust in him.

“I honestly have no idea…” He confessed a bit sheepishly. “I don't want to take you to a bar or a club or anywhere where there are other people.”

Kimi showed his surprise openly as he brought their connected hands closer and blew on them to warm them up. “Why?”

Sebastian exhaled and gritted his teeth, not wanting to scare away the other man or force him into anything too soon even before they had time to have a good talk about their situation, but he couldn't stop himself as Kimi watched him with ice blue eyes filled with wonder.

“Because I want to kiss you into the next morning and I don't want to share you with anyone while doing that.” He stepped closer and watched Kimi's eyes widen, waiting for his reaction in trepidation.

Kimi's heart picket up speed. He wanted that, too, very much so. A smile that managed to be both shy and mischievous at the same time spread on his lips before it turned into sweet laughter. “What to do then? Kids are at home.” He snorted at his own words, making Sebastian laugh at their predicament, too.

“Nobody would believe we can't find a place to make out.”

Still laughing, Kimi turned his head to the building behind them. “Seb, we are in front of a hotel…” He pointed out a bit smugly and that was all Sebastian needed to hear before he tugged him back into the building and to the reception.

A few minutes later, they were in their room with a king sized bed waiting for them. Sebastian got rid of his coat and jacket quickly, going into the bathroom to wash his hands and face. Then he waited for Kimi on the bed, reclined against the headboard. He dimmed the lights, just enough for them to see each other clearly, but also comfortable to the eye.

Kimi came to his side, his movements a bit awkward. Sebastian kept a straight face and held out his hands to encourage him and when the Finn climbed onto the bed, Seb drew him into his arms, knowing that the other man was a bit hesitant and needed some assurance.

Kimi relaxed against Sebastian's chest. He could hear how hard Seb's heart was beating, it's rhythm matching his own. “You are warm…” He whispered, closing his eyes. “Have always been...”

Sebastian was watching him with a smile on his face from the large mirror mounted on the opposite wall above the dresser. He began caressing Kimi's hair gently and felt Kimi actually shudder at the feeling and snuggle closer to him. “You don't know how long I've wanted to be like this with you.” He murmured right above the Finn's head. “I still can't believe that I have you here with me now.”

Regret claimed Kimi yet again and he sat up, detangling himself from Sebastian's hold. “I'm sorry for denying this to the both of us for this long…” He murmured hoarsely. “We could have had this long ago…”

“Yeah, we could.” Sebastian agreed, but with an understanding and soft look in his eyes. “It's in the past, you had your reasons…”

“Stupid reasons…” Kimi argued, clearly feeling ashamed of his actions.

“No, they weren't.” Sebastian assured, holding Kimi's hand, massaging the palm of it. “They were valid reasons and I’ll never give you more of them to doubt me or yourself again.”

Kimi's heart swelled at the promise to the point that it actually hurt and he rubbed a hand at this chest. He welcomed the pain gladly, thanking everything he knew for granting him the chance to meet this wonderful man. “I don't know what I did to deserve you…” He whispered and surged forward for a kiss.

Seb was completely taken by surprise. His blue eyes went wide at the soft touch on his lips and he fell back against the headboard a bit clumsily, but not before tugging Kimi down with himself.

When Kimi leaned a bit back to apologize for distrupting his balance, Sebastian deliberately reclined further and pulled Kimi on top of him.

Kimi ended up with one of his knees between Seb's legs and half of his weight on his body. He leaned on an elbow to raise himself up to see if he'd hurt Seb with their completely tangled limbs in the way, but the younger man was just smiling at him, his eyes mischievous.

“What are you looking at?” Seb questioned when he saw how carefully Kimi was inspecting him; his fingers tracing an eyebrow, the shell if his ear, and then the edge of his beard, short nails scraping at the coarse facial hair lovingly. His smile disappeared when Kimi traced his lips, the simple touch sending a thrill down his spine and darkening his eyes at the sensation.

“You….” Kimi murmured wistfully, deciding to be true to his feelings no matter how sappy they might sound. “I wanted to lie down with you and look at you properly. Touch your face, your hair, your body, smell your scent the way you deserved... Without any rush, without missing even a small detail about you until there is nothing but you here.” He pointed at his chest and saw with amounting surprise at how Sebastian's eyes teared up. He panicked. “What… Seb, are you…?”

Two tear drops fell from the sides of Sebastian's eyes and he laughed like a man gone mad with happiness. He pulled Kimi's face closer and leaned up, kissing him with all the love he felt for him, their eyes still locked to each other's. The first one to close them was Kimi as he smiled into the kiss, opening his mouth to taste more.

Sebastian saw the happy wrinkles on the corners of Kimi's eyes and closed his eyes, too. His lower lip got nipped at playfully and he, too, chuckled at the feeling. But then Kimi put a hand on his nape and angled Seb's head up for better access, making Sebastian arch up to him instinctively, his smile got wiped away, putting lust in its place. Kimi's tongue swept across his lower lip before it delved in a bit and brushed against his tongue playfully.

The thumb of that hand was making small circles against his stubbly cheek, before it disappeared only to latch onto the front of his shirt. Sebastian couldn't believe how much the simple action of popping a few of his buttons open turned him on as he gasped against Kimi's mouth when the Finn leaned a bit away to lap onto his lips. He couldn't help but whine loud enough for Kimi to hear when Kimi's fingers splayed over his bared chest, right above his heart, and a nail scraped gently at his nipple.

He didn't know, but his eyes were half mast and he had a frown on when he caught a glimpse of Kimi's small fond smile at his neediness. Then Kimi gave more of his weight on him and their groins met and Sebastian's hand flew to his mouth to suffocate his moan at the sharp pleasure, but Kimi grabbed at it and stopped him.

The Finn moved gently yet firm enough to create more friction between them and Sebastian looked up at him a bit helplessly, breathless with small soft noises escaping from his lips.

“Let me hear…” Kimi told him and if it was possible, it turned Sebastian on even more than before, the tightness in his groin feeling a bit painful for a second.

Kimi was not used to being the top in bed and it had been an embarrassingly long time since he had done that, but he wasn't a fool. He was aware that Sebastian was leaving the decision to him to do whatever he was comfortable to try with him. He wasn't forcing him into anything and he seemed like he was ready to settle for whatever Kimi was willing to give. So, Kimi decided to give the best he could, considering the circumstances, as they had no lube or condoms.

He sat on Seb's right hip and leg, leaning a bit away. He never broke their eye contact and unbuttoned Seb's shirt.

Sebastian reached up to him to do the same and got half way up from the bed and undid a few buttons, only for Kimi to push him down again with a grin.

Left with half of his shirt open, Kimi pushed away Seb's hands as if telling him to stay put. He made a quick work of Sebastian's slacks and pulled them down just enough for him to palm Sebastian through his boxers, restricting his legs.

Kimi grabbed Sebastian's left hip to keep him still and leaned down, laving his tongue against the younger man's stomach, going lower to where the skin was thinner, softer and sensitive enough to make Seb buck up to him. He nipped at Seb's hipbone, worrying the soft skin between his teeth in a gentle way before he kissed his way down to the younger man's groin.

When Kimi's hand closed around him, Seb hissed and tried his best to get up and lean on his elbows to see the other man. But that was when the first lick came and all Sebastian could do was to fall to the bed and arch his back, gasping for air, because Kimi didn't give him a moment's respite to take a breath.

Kimi wanted to touch himself at the sight of how sexily Sebastian reacted to his touch, but he desisted. Seb smelled nice and was hard and hot on his tongue and he concentrated on living the moment without any inhibitions. He wanted to please the younger man and he was going to do that until Seb would cry out for it. He took him all into his mouth and in a deliberately slow and powerful way, he sucked. All the while he fondled him, trying to find the spots that would make him arch his back like that again.

Sebastian felt his eyes roll to the back of his head at the sensation of being unable to move, legs trapped tangled in the trousers, Kimi holding him down from one hip and at the way the Finn was alternating between hard and fast to slow and gentle in a maddening and unpredictable pace. But he wanted to see him, wanted to embrace him as he'd come.

“Kimi… So close…” He whined, trying desperately to hold back.

Kimi stopped for just a second to tell him to go on, but Sebastian got half way up again and tugged him to himself from his half open shirt. “Want to touch you, too. Come here…” He demanded.

Kimi couldn't deny him. He let go and climbed back onto Sebastian, this time between his legs as the younger man could finally manage to get his legs out of his pants and boxers.

Seb just unzipped Kimi's pants and freed his cock, not even bothering to wait for him to undress completely. He tugged at Kimi's hardness, watching him close his eyes in a long exhale, smearing precome over the head.

Kimi looked beautiful as he concentrated on the feeling and Seb almost didn't want to stop pleasuring him, but he wanted to kiss. So, he did just that, grabbing onto Kimi's shirt collar and pulled the other man to himself to suck on his reddened lips. He grabbed Kimi's ass firmly and pulled him down, flushing their groins together. He tugged at the round and firm flesh to make Kimi move.

The first couple of trusts were a bit painful, the friction was a lot due to there being no lube, but as their precome leaked more and more, it became slicker in a maddening way.

Kimi crowded Sebastian completelyfrom all sides, now nipping gently at his neck before soothing his marks with kisses and playing with a nipple.

All Sebastian could do was to hold onto him, forgetting his so called expertise in sex when it was not just fucking, but also love making with the person he loved. He kept his eyes on Kimi, admiring his face, admiring the way the white shirt clung to his shoulders, and the perfect white of his skin.

Kimi turned his attention to his neck and nuzzled at the skin there as if he tried to memorize his scent. He was panting hotly against the ear he had just licked, sending shivers down Seb's spine and oversensitizing that part of his body, pleasure tightening in his groin.

“Kimi, I… I'm about to…” Sebastian gasped out, but Kimi leaned back, his eyes dangerously sharp as he reached between them and grabbed their dicks together at the base, surprising Sebastian when he shook his head.

Sebastian's breath hitched, nipples hardened and gooseflesh covered his skin upon the bossy look Kimi was giving him. Mischief and that show of slight dominance had never been this sexy until he saw them in Kimi. Even that was enough to make Sebastian come as he whined at the almost painful feeling, but he held back again, to appease the other man. “Kimi, please…” He whispered against the Finn's neck, tugging him down as if to feel as close to him as possible.

When Kimi saw how much what he had done effected Sebastian, it brought him close, too. “Together…” He whispered to Seb's ear and moved again, the added stimulation of his hand quickly bringing them to completion. Kimi kept on going until he felt Sebastian's hips relax and stop moving up against his, riding out one of the most intense orgasms he had ever had. He laid beside the younger man, carefully removing his weight from him. He watched Seb catch his breath, loving the dazed, blissed out look of satisfaction that appeared on his face.

When Seb opened his eyes again, Kimi smiled at him. “Wait a moment.” He got up from the bed and got rid of his clothes, then went into the bathroom.

Sebastian raised an amused eyebrow at him when he sauntered back with a small wet towel and began wiping at their combined fluids from Seb's stomach and groin.

Sebastian was grinning from ear to ear as he laid back and let Kimi clean him up. The towel was hot and Kimi was gentle, mindful of the sensitive areas. He had realized that it had been some time since somebody did this for him and he was absolutely glad that it was Kimi.

Kimi didn't know why the younger man was still so giddy and radiated happiness, but he liked being the cause of it. He put the towel back to the bathroom, pulled the quilts from under Seb and then covered him before he slipped back to his place and got an armful of Sebastian as his reward.

“This was going to be about you!” Seb complained close to him. “How did you turn the tables on me like that? I had planned to be the one making you feel good, loved and cared for…”

Kimi's lips twisted into a crooked smile. “And you did all of them?” He raised his eyebrows in wonder. “But if you want to be the one doing most of the work next time, you can do as you’d please, I'm all yours.” He promised.

Sebastian's eyes widened at the implication and he felt a jolt of desire shivering through his whole body, the memory of his wet dream still vivid in his mind. “You… Are you doing this on purpose?” He asked with a serious and straight face.

Kimi looked back at him with incomprehension, completely guileless. “What am I doing?”

Sebastian snorted in disbelief. “I can't believe this… You are so sexy and you are not even aware of half of it.”

Kimi was absolutely unconvinced, but amused. “Me, sexy? Most people think that I am emotionless, Seb.”

“That's their stupidity for not looking long and well enough.” Sebastian protested and pressed a little peck on Kimi's mouth, caressing his sides under the blankets. “You say incredible things… You call me Seb…” He pointed out, bemused.

“Is it alright?”

“Of course it is, silly.” Seb laughed. “I have never been told anything remotely as romantic and as sexy as the things you have said when I asked you what you were looking at. How many people are lucky enough to hear something like that?” He caressed Kimi's neck. “I'll remember it for as long as I live.”

At that, Kimi ducked his head shyly as if he hadn't been the one between Sebastian's legs just a few minutes ago. But since he had decided to be truthful to himself, he held the younger man's eyes again. “Well, that was all true…” He murmured. “Though I was a bit afraid you might find it corny.”

“Corny?” Seb laughed and then shook his head. “Corny or not, I loved it, Kimi.” Then he turned more serious again, holding Kimi's eyes. “And you tell me I can take you to wherever I want and that you are all mine to do with you as I please…” He bit on his lower lip, a bit hesitant about his words. “I want you so much, the strength of it frightens me.” He confessed and his smile vaned, desire darkening his eyes again.

Kimi's smile disappeared, too, but his face appeared to be boyish then with a soft and vulnerable expression. “If you want… Now…” He whispered, painfully aware that he was practically offering himself up to the other man, shivering at the intensity of the lust swirling in Sebastian's dark blue eyes.

“Don’t tempt me, Kimi…” Sebastian exhaled deeply to rein in his arousal. “Not here, not in a haste, no…” He refused. “You deserve better than a hotel room. You deserve the best.”

Kimi felt hot all over when he realized how he effected the younger man and his heart swelled at the conviction in Sebastian's voice. He smirked mischievously. “So, you plan to romance me?”

That dissipated the charged air and Sebastian chuckled, nodding. “Yes, like a proper boyfriend should do. You know I am still searching for that vodka you named so that I can get an excuse to invite you to dinner.”

At that, Kimi smiled ruefully. “Seb, that brand's gone out of circulation.” He revealed and his smile slowly fell. “I couldn't turn you down then. I was afraid of getting swept away by you, so I named something you wouldn't be able to find. I am sorry…”    

Now that he was able to look at this from a different perspective, Seb could understand the reason behind Kimi's words, but it still hurt. He averted his eyes to hide the emotion, but Kimi had already sensed it.

“You no longer need to make up a reason to see me or spend time with me and I no longer drink.” Kimi smiled, tilting the younger man's head up from his chin. “You want a date?” He asked and saw Sebastian's eyes go wide with surprise and excitement. Seb nodded rather enthusiastically.

“What about a movie night, then?” Kimi suggested.

Sebastian immediately thought of the racing themed movies that Kimi had gifted him. Thinking that they would watch the movie at one of their homes, he reminded Kimi of them. “We can watch that Lauda and Hunt movie, maybe?”

Kimi smiled, already forming a plan. “Alright, I'll tell you the details when I arrange everything.”

Seb grinned, scooting a bit closer. “Sounds like a plan.” He murmured happily and closed his eyes with a sigh.

Kimi pressed their foreheads together again and whispered. “Tired?”

Sebastian felt himself melt into Kimi's soft caresses. “Not exactly, but… It has been so long since I felt this much relaxed and secure… As if nothing can touch me…” He murmured and didn't see how his words greatly effected Kimi.

Being trusted this much, being wanted and loved like this after such a long time felt exhilarating. His chest constricted with a sweet ache and Kimi felt his eyes tear up. So, he closed them, too, his heart thumping wildly. “Let's sleep then, Seb.” He whispered and put a small kiss on the other man's lips.

His mind muddled with lethargy, Sebastian smiled at the kiss and murmured right before falling asleep. “Love you, Kimi…”

* * *

Even though Kimi had been missing on sleep for quite a while, he had been unable to fall asleep for some time last night after hearing Sebastian's words. So he spent his time watching Sebastian sleep and played lightly with the younger man's hair, over the moon.

The happiness the words had given him resembled to running freely under the stars after being kept captive for so long. He could have laughed at the joy of it had he not feared to wake Sebastian up. So he simply enjoyed his peace of mind and let love fill him up to the brim after being deprived of it for so long. But even then, he had a good sleep.

He woke up to the feeling of gentle fingers carding through his hair. He found himself being cradled on Sebastian's chest, the strong rhythm of his heart right under his ear.

He ran his hand on the other man's side, loving how the smooth and warm flesh trembled under his touch. “Ticklish?” He asked groggily and heard Seb's soft laugh as his answer. He repeated the action with the tips of his fingers this time in a deliberately slow way, dragging his nails down over the hip to his behind.

Sebastian flinched visibly and his breath hitched, but Kimi knew that it was because the feeling was so pleasant. He leaned on his elbows a bit and got up just enough to put a kiss on the hardened nipple right before his face. The ensuing moan was muffled by Sebastian's hand and it only spurred Kimi on as he moved properly on the younger man and began licking and suckling at the sensitive flesh in a maddening way.

Sebastian had already been half hard with the memory of the last night even before Kimi had woken up. As the Finn slowly made his way up to his neck and ear, nuzzling at him, kissing and licking at wherever he could reach, Seb got painfully hard in an embarrassingly quick way. “You are going to kill me, Kimi…” He held on to the other man, squirming under him.

Kimi chuckled against his lips and kissed him long and sweetly. “Good morning, Seb.”

“Morning, beautiful.”

Kimi's eyes widened. “Beautiful?” He seemed genuinely surprised at the endearment.

Sebastian held his blue-grey eyes lovingly and nodded. “Yeah, you are beautiful. And I want to show you just how much.” He got up and forced Kimi to move with him as if he weighted nothing, fleetingly surprising him with the amount of his strength. He dragged Kimi to the bathroom and pushed him into the large shower stall.

Kimi let Sebastian crowd him to the corner after adjusting the water, realizing that this time the younger man wanted the control. He gladly handed him that, finding it extremely arousing when Sebastian put his hands on the wall on both of his sides and trapped him there. Seb leaned into him, so close but not touching yet, watching him from the corner of his eyes in a calm but hungry way.

Kimi surrendered, baring his neck for the younger man and his back met the cold tiles when Sebastian actually nipped at his neck, carefully using his teeth, and then sucked on the same spot long enough to leave a mark, all the while watching Kimi's reaction without closing his eyes.

Kimi's hands flew to Sebastian's chest and shoulder in a need to take purchase on to something and he felt the younger man's strong grip on his hips, fingers splayed out and digging into his flesh without hurting him. Seb’s thumbs massaged his hip bones and his lips found his in a hard kiss.

Seb pulled him to himself and their groins met, making him move against Kimi's smooth skin in a demanding way as he grabbed onto the Finn's ass, squeezing it. Then he turned Kimi's back to the hot water, caressing his spine and chasing away the cold. He began massaging Kimi's back with both hands even as he moved against him, rubbing their desires together, stealing kisses.

He knew that it was not good for his left knee, but he slowly made his way down and knelt before Kimi who got no time to do anything other than closing a hand over his mouth when Seb took him into his mouth.

Kimi’s knees buckled at the sudden sharp pleasure that unfurled within him. Sebastian looked up at him in a completely unabashed way with a small grin on his wet lips before he repeated the action.

Kimi didn't know where to hold on other than putting a hand against the glass of the stall and lean forward in an attempt to keep his control and not move his hips.

Sebastian looked completely smug about his effect on Kimi, the small sleazy smile never leaving his lips as he slowly run his tongue over the head in circles and heard Kimi's small grunts and harsh breathing above him. Fingers were running among his curls, but Kimi had to have an iron control over himself because his touch was gentle and his hips didn't even buck up once and choke him even when Seb hummed and swallowed around him. Kimi was only whispering his name over and over again, his misty eyes never leaving him.

He tried to take purchase on the floor to find a better angle for his knee and just then, he felt a twinge of pain on the operated part of his leg. Yet, Kimi's attentive eyes caught his reaction and immediately saw the reason of it. The Finn stepped out of his hold and Sebastian cursed himself for ruining it as Kimi gently hauled him up to his feet again, holding him close to his body until the uncomfortable feeling in his knee would go away.

Kimi didn't say anything, didn't want Sebastian to feel like he had to explain it. He had seen the large operation wounds and felt angry at the younger man for risking his well-being to do this for him. It dampened his desire a bit, but he didn't want Sebastian to feel bad about it. So, to wipe away that disappointed look on his face, he kissed him hard. When he drew Sebastian's attention away from his knee and felt him take the reins in his hands again, Kimi backed down and let Seb continue.

Sebastian was both disappointed and angry at himself for being unable to hide that slight pain from showing on his face and realized that Kimi had been keeping his eyes on him just so that he could detect any discomfort he might have caused him. Seb had never seen anyone this careful about his comfort and attentive to his needs before, his love tenfolding for the Finn.

He took the two of them in his hands and even though he knew that a hand job wasn't as pleasurable as what he could have done with his mouth and tongue, he did his best, pouring all his love into their kiss.

And it was enough for Kimi. Sebastian didn't need to impress him or prove anything to him. So, he simply told him that. “You are already as amazing as you could be, Seb…” He watched dark blue eyes go wide at his words and smiled. “Just your touch and kiss are enough to undo me.”

Sebastian took in a shuddering breath and felt his eyes tear up again at the sincere and loving look Kimi was giving him. “How do you do this?” He asked, swallowing down a load of emotions that bubbled up in his throat.

“What am I doing?” Kimi echoed his question from the last night.

“Making me fall in love with you with every little thing you say and do…” Sebastian whispered against his lips.

Kimi kissed him and sighed at the happiness filling him up again. “What a coincidence…” He whispered back breathlessly. “I was thinking the same of you.”

From then on, Seb didn't close his eyes, watching Kimi as he licked at his mouth, nipped at his lower lip and kissed him again and again.

Kimi hugged and caressed him in return, trembling slightly under the spray of water that cascaded over their bodies. He was the first one to come, leaning his head against Sebastian's shoulder, mouthing at his neck and giving him an identical hickey as he played with one of his nipples.

Sebastian tensed for a second and followed after him, then hugged him to bask in the afterglow. They stayed like that for a while and then Sebastian got them step properly under the water to clean himself and Kimi up.

Without saying anything, but with large grins on their faces, they took the soap and the shampoo in their hands, washing each other.

Kimi washed Seb's body and put all the excess suds on his beard, turning him into a mock of Santa, while Sebastian washed Kimi's hair and gave him a mohawk hair made out of bubbles.

When the touches turned arousing again and proved to be counterproductive to their attempt at cleaning, they got out and got dressed. Their clothes were crumpled, but they were better than nothing.

It was a Sunday, so they didn't need to be anywhere. Going for a breakfast sounded like a good idea and Sebastian took Kimi to a famous place, offering French style brunch.

“We look horrible.” Sebastian was smiling ruefully and trying to smooth out his completely wrinkled white shirt.

Kimi laughed at his vain attempt and took a huge gulp from his coffee. “Stop that, it looks as if you are fondling yourself.”

Sebastian snorted and then laughed at the comment, too. “Tell me it at least looked sexy.” He checked if anyone was looking before he dragged his finger tips on his chest one last time slowly and winked at Kimi naughtily.

Kimi went a bit red at the daring display, silently laughing and biting on his lower lip. “You are even bolder than my younger self. What am I going to do with you?”

Sebastian corrected his posture and leaned a bit towards him, holding his eyes. “Just keep me.” He shrugged a shoulder, tilted his head and smiled sweetly at Kimi.

Kimi nodded with an identical smile of his own. “Glady, but only if you do the same.”

Sebastian touched Kimi's hand resting on the table, their fingers intertwining. “As long as you want me to…” He brought Kimi's hand to his lips and put a reverent kiss on the back of it.

“Someone might take a photo, Sebastian.” Kimi reminded him at his open show of affection.

Sebastian shrugged. “I don't care. Do you?”

Kimi wasn't so sure, but he shook his head to not ruin the other man's good mood.

* * *

Unbeknownst to them, on the far end of the establishment, a large group of people were having breakfast together, with Fernando being among them.

When the Spaniard had seen Kimi and Sebastian coming in, he couldn't believe his eyes. For a long time, he sat there, deaf to the animated conversation taking place around him, and watched Kimi and Sebastian flirt with each other like a newlywed couple.

There was no denying of the twinge of pain that arrested him at the sight of their happiness and he realized that even though he had known that the two men had probably been together since some time, now that he saw them together like this, the truth of it had finally settled in his stomach like a punch.

He gritted his teeth, feeling himself going sick at the amount of jealousy and anger that filled him even though he tried to ignore the feeling, tried not to succumb to it.

Kimi looked great, like he had always been in Fernando’s eyes. The top part of his hair was quite long and ruffled now like he’d used to keep it at times in the past. It suited him too well, falling over his forehead in shiny gold bits that had always made Fernando want to card his fingers through and smooth back. He had a bit of fine stubble on his chin, adding to his attractively gruff look with his white shirt collar undone a few buttons and cuffs folded up in a disheveled way only Kimi could pull off classily. He was smiling; in fact, he was smiling way too much as if he couldn’t help it. He had that shy but also mischievous glint in his eyes that would drive Fernando crazy with want, and with a bit of mortification, Fernando realized that it still had the same effect on him even though he was no longer the recipient of it.

He couldn’t avert his eyes, he knew he should simply let it go, but he couldn’t. He was morbidly fascinated by his own reactions and racing thoughts as he watched Sebastian bring Kimi’s hand to his lips and put a kiss on the back of it. The German was clearly moon struck, blinded by Kimi to everything else around him other than the Finn. His smile was brilliant and it hurt to witness it.

He had to have been staring at the two of them for a long time, because it drew one of his friend’s attention and when the other man followed Fernando’s line of sight, he whispered to the other occupants of the table.  “Look who we have here…” Some of the people were from Renault F1 and they immediately showed interest.

“Ah, we could have invited him over if he had been alone.” Somebody lamented beside Fernando, making him cringe at the idea. He didn’t want them to know that he was aware of what was going on.

“Why not call his friend over, too? I want to talk about his test days from last week. He was really good.”

A few people shook his head. “Not a good idea.” One of them chimed in. “The other guy seems to be his date.” And a collective sound of _ohhs_ and _ahhs_ were heard with knowing smiles and chuckles, irritating Fernando further.

“Well, they look really good together. His fans will be crushed when they'll see that he's taken...” The person sitting directly in front of Fernando commented and when the people hummed and nodded in agreement, something ugly snapped in Fernando.

He wanted to get up and go there, introduce himself as Kimi’s ex husband and watch Sebastian’s reaction just for the hell of it, but he thought better of it. There was a dangerously stubborn and possessive side in him that still refused to accept the fact that Kimi was no longer his husband, that Kimi had walked out on him taking nothing but just the clothes on his back. That side of him demanded some retribution on Kimi and Sebastian.

If anything, Fernando had always been an impulsive person, living his life according to his wants and passions. And he wanted Sebastian out of this picture. _Right now…_ And it was going to be the German’s decision to make if he wanted to get burned in the process or if he would choose to be wise enough to rearrange his priorities.

He turned his back completely to them, hiding his presence and keeping silent. He tinkered a bit with his phone and sent an e-mail to his lawyer.

_‘Arrange that meeting with the team as soon as possible. Tell them that I want 15, not 10. If they are willing to sell me that much, they can start the procedures.’_

He frowned at his phone screen when his lawyer immediately replied in affirmative. He rubbed a hand at his beard, seeing his cold eyes reflected on the blackened screen, looking back at him devoid of any mercy.

Aina was going to be over the moon when she’d hear that he was about to buy her an F1 team as her 16th birthday present.

_TBC…_


	8. Don't Speak

Aina was on her first exam week. With her mood elevated over the moon due to her father's happiness, she decided to create an opportunity for Kimi and Seb to spend more time with each other. To do that, she planned to take her last two exams on Tuesday and Thursday so that she could be free on Friday, because Kimi was also going to be free then, too.

Fernando had called earlier about coming to get her on Saturday, but without telling him the real reason behind her decision, she had told him about her exam days and asked him if he could get her on Friday morning instead. Of course, seeing his daughter one more day was something Fernando would never pass on, so he had readily accepted.

Having conspired once with Jenson for Kimi's sake, it had been easy to persuade him when she explained to the Brit how she'd wanted to surprise her father. Jenson let her take his lesson's exam early and after hearing out Aina's promise to ace the Chemistry exam, Nico was all too willing to let her have it on Thursday.

Since Kimi knew her schedule by heart, to keep her surprise hidden until the last possible moment, she had to make up a lie and told him that she was going to get her lunch out at her favorite patisserie with her friends to let off some steam. Kimi let her have her way, too, possibly thinking that she would ace her exams either way.

So, she was all set and ready on Thursday. After her scheduled exams, she sneaked around to enter Nico's class before Kimi would realize what she was doing. As promised, she did marvelously and went out of the campus with a skip in her step.

It was two in the afternoon now and as she walked to the bus stop her phone went off. She stopped to get it out of her bag and fleetingly realized that there was a magnificent Mercedes SUV behind her, slow as if the driver was lost or looking for somewhere. She turned around and picked up the call, a beautiful smile lighting up her face. It was Carl.

 _‘Your dad is so merciless, I spent so much time on a question. I was about to go crazy!’_ Carl complained as soon as he heard Aina's greeting.

That made Aina laugh, because she could hear the amusement in Carl's voice. “Study harder, Carl.” She advised. “Look at me acing my exams left and right…” She boasted, chuckling at the long suffering sigh she heard from the other end of the line.

 _‘Not everyone is a genius like you, Aina…’_ Carl's voice sounded a little less amused this time and ever so sensitive to his anxiety, she quickly amended.

“That was insensitive of me… I didn't mean to offend you…”

_'No offense taken, Aina. I am just a bit worried about if I'll meet the requirements, that's all…’_

Aina's phone signaled that it's battery was about to die. She silently cursed the bad timing. “You'll meet them fine, Carl. We'll get accepted by them. I believe in you.”

Her words must have had the desired effect on him, because Carl sounded much better when he talked next. _'Are you free on Friday after your exams?’_

Aina pursed her lips, realizing that Carl was about to ask her out. “Sorry, but my father is coming to get me tomorrow.”  She heard the bipping signal again even before Carl could answer.

_'Next week, then? I have a match; you can come and watch me?’_

Aina smiled. “I'd love to, Carl. I'll be your loudest cheerer ever.”

 _‘Then I'll do a hat trick for you.'_ Carl chuckled.

“By the way, my battery is dying. The line might get disconnected any time.” Aina had already reached the bus stop without even realizing. She stopped to wait, turning around only to see that same luxurious SUV was still coming behind her.

“You should see this Mercedes following me around. It is a work of art.” She laughed and tried to make light of the situation to ease her worry even as she couldn’t see who the driver was.

_‘Somebody’s following you? Where are you?’_

“Relax…”Aina just shrugged, turning the other way. “At the bus stop near the campus. There are people around and I think the driver is just lost.” She explained.

_‘Be careful, Aina.’_

“I am, don't worry. I'm going home now…” She tried to assure Carl, but her phone shut down before she could finish her words.

She huffed and looked around to see if her bus was on its way, but instead of her ride, the black Mercedes made a quick maneuver right in front of her, rolling down the tinted window of the passenger seat. She could only relax when she saw who the driver was.

“Father? Good god, you scared me!” She rushed to the SUV, laughing and throwing herself into Fernando's awaiting arms as soon as she got into the car.

“Hi there, princess…” Fernando kissed her forehead and smoothed her hair back. “Sorry for following you around like that. Didn't want to cut your chat off with your boyfriend.”

Aina's eyes went round and then her face flushed a bit. “Boyfriend? How… How did you know?”  

Fernando laughed at his daughter's cute reaction. “Because I was watching you and you looked so happy when you saw who was calling.”

She pursed her lips at his mirth. “You just baited me into telling you the truth, didn't you?” She asked with an accusatory but amused expression and Fernando laughed some more, nodding.

She let go of her slight irritation at his sneaky behavior, because she was so happy to see him earlier than they had planned. “I was expecting you tomorrow morning.” She got comfortable on her seat and Fernando started the engine again, driving away.

“Yes, but I missed you. So, I wanted to get you earlier. And I wanted to show you this as soon as possible.” He patted at the steering wheel of the car.

“Wow… Is this new?” Aina inspected the dashboard, admiring the sleek work of it.

Fernando nodded happily, knowing her love for new cars. He drove to the opposite side of the town, away from her home, to the intercity highway. “All the exams are done?”

“Yes, but are we leaving already?” She got a bit surprised at their direction. “I don't have my luggage with me and my phone is dead. Dad doesn't know about our plans.”

That gave Fernando a wicked idea. “You already have too many clothes at my place. You can use them and no worries, I called Kimi. He knows.” He lied all too easily and Aina relaxed, having no reason to think otherwise.

Fernando was aware that Kimi was going to be sick with worry for their daughter, but he didn't give a damn about it.

In his fury against him and Sebastian, he saw himself in the right and wanted Kimi to have a taste of what he had felt when he had seen them in that French restaurant. This was only the beginning.

He shrugged off the unpleasant thoughts and concentrated on Aina's happiness. “You know where I am taking you to?”

Aina looked back at him with her ice blue eyes big with wonder and excitement. “Where, father, where?”

“Since I am sure you aced all your exams, we are going to Enstone as a reward for you.”

Aina clapped her hands and giggled like a little kid. “Best father ever!” She declared, aware that Fernando had close ties to the Renault F1 team and he took every opportunity to take her to the factory. She leaned over and put a big kiss on his cheek, disturbing his control over the steering wheel a bit.

Fernando chuckled at her enthusiasm. “Careful, princess... Wouldn't want to worry Kimi about you now, would you?”

Aina shook her head, smiling at him, completely unaware of the irony in his question.

* * *

Kimi was about to go mad.

Aina had told him that she'd be at home before three o'clock. It was six now.

After four, he'd desisted calling her, because he didn't want Aina to think that he was being overbearing. But when it chimed five, even at the risk of her pout and frown, he had called her.

When he couldn't reach her number, fear claimed him. He tried to think in a positive way, tried to keep calm and wait a little more. But now that it was past six, he didn't know what to do.

He had the numbers of her close friends’ parents on his phone and even though he hated the idea of disturbing them with something as personal as this, he called them one by one, asking if their kids had been the ones going out with Aina this afternoon. When one of his own students took the phone and told him that they hadn't had any plans to go out with her today, he actually began to panic for real.

She had lied to him, but for what? Only Carl came to Kimi's mind as a plausible reason, yet she really didn't need any lies or excuses to be with the boy, because Kimi was aware that the two of them were now dating.

Pacing in the house, biting on his lower lip to the point of breaking the skin, he called Carl, hoping with all his heart that his daughter was together with him.

 _‘Mr. Räikkönen?’_ Carl's confusion was evident in his voice when he picked up.

“Carl, please tell me that Aina is with you.” Kimi pleaded, rubbing his hand at the side of his face in a compulsive way, not aware how he dug his nails into his skin when Carl hesitated on the other end of the line.

_‘What… No, I didn't see her today…’_

Kimi felt his knees going weak. “Do you… Do you know where she might be?” He tried to take deep breaths, but he could feel the oncoming panic attack slithering its way into his ribcage and making it hard for him to breathe.

Worry claimed Carl, too, because the last thing Aina had told him was a car following her around even though she sounded like joking about a coincidence. _‘We talked around two o’clock and she told me she was going to the bus stop near our campus.’_

“Two?” Kimi couldn't believe this. What was she still doing at school at that hour? His hands and nape were going numb, the horrible feeling spreading to his shoulders and head as if millions of ants were eating him up.

 _‘Please don't panic, but she was joking about a car following her around to the bus stop, and then the line got disconnected… Her battery died off.’_ Carl heard something heavy crumple on the other end of the line and correctly guessed that it was Kimi.

 _‘Sir, are you alright?’_ He cursed himself for frightening the other man like this and then heard the rattling breaths Kimi was trying to take. _‘Are you having trouble in breathing?’_ He asked, remembering the time Aina had told him about Kimi's asthma.

He quickly scrambled to his feet, running up to the living room to search for the land line phone to call Sebastian. _‘Hang on, please, hang on! I am calling Seb.’_

He found the phone and thankfully Sebastian picked it up in just one ring. _‘Seb, trouble!’_ Carl began babbling, both phones pressed tightly to his ears. _‘Sir, are you at home? Seb, I think Mr. Räikkönen is having a panic attack.’_

 _‘Wha- What the hell?’_ Sebastian had been driving back home and for a second there, he could barely avoid crashing to the car in front of him.

“Yes, home, I… I'll be… Alright…” Kimi didn't know whom he tried to calm down, himself or Carl or Sebastian, but he managed to correct his posture where he had fallen on his knees and leaned his back to somewhere to keep himself upright.

 _'Ask him if he can open the door for me, Carl.’_ Sebastian made a wild swerve to turn back, pressing on the gas pedal of his Ferrari hard, ignoring the danger with his heart beating up in his throat in a sickening way.

Kimi told Carl that the garage door was open and then he closed his eyes, concentrating on his breathing to get some control back. The situation he was in was not helping anyone in the least. In fact, he couldn't even speak properly, his teeth clattering against each other. He knew he had left Carl in a tight spot as the boy tried to explain what was going on to Sebastian.

 _‘I am calling the police.’_ Kimi heard Sebastian's faint voice and that was what snapped his focus back. Sebastian didn't know about his precarious situation.

“No!” He sharply rebuked the offer; sure that Sebastian could hear him from the other side. “He'll take her away, no!” He blurted in a rush, trembling in cold sweat.

There was only silence coming from the other end; the sole thing that Kimi could hear was his own ragged breathing. “Seb, please, don't…” He pleaded and gritted his teeth, trying to block out the amounting sickness pangs he was getting in his stomach.

 _‘Heard that uncle? I think there is a catch here.’_ Carl correctly guessed. _‘Don't do anything Mr. Räikkönen doesn't want.’_ He tried to calm Sebastian down.

Sebastian bit on his lip and did as he was told _. 'I’m close to his place. I’ll be there in a few, keep him on the line, Carl. I’m hanging up.’_

 _‘Alright...’_ Carl put the land line phone down. _‘He is about to reach there, Sir. Please ask him to give you your asthma meds when he comes in, okay?’_ Carl reminded him. _‘It’ll be alright, but for that, you have to hang on.’_

Kimi was grateful for the mature and calm way Carl was trying to help him with, taking strength from his steady voice. He exhaled in and out, willing away the numbness from his limbs. “Thank you, Carl.” He told him sincerely and heard the unmistakable sound of a Ferrari’s engine on the street. “Seb is here.” He rasped out, trying to contain his shivering.

_‘Please keep me informed.’_

“I will.” Kimi assured him and the garage door rattled as it got pushed upwards powerfully by Sebastian. Carl hung up and Sebastian rushed upstairs to the living room, finding him huddled against an armchair, looking so little and broken.

Sebastian paled at the miserable state Kimi was in, sitting like that on the floor, hugging himself as if he was trying to keep himself from falling apart. “Tell me what to do.” He knelt before the Finn and took him in his arms.

“To the couch… Please…” Kimi tried to carry some of his own weight, but Sebastian did most of the work as he practically hauled Kimi over.

Kimi sat down in a boneless heap, covering his face in an attempt to trick his brain into believing that he was safe, that it was going to be okay. Seb was here, so it _had to be_ okay… He stayed like that for some time and even though Sebastian talked to him as he rubbed a hand on his back soothingly, the he couldn’t answer him yet.

Seb waited patiently and filled a glass of water for Kimi, spotting his inhaler on the corner of the large table and brought it back, too. He sat beside the other man, watching him tremble as he took measured deep breaths. He cursed himself for being unable to do anything to get Kimi out of the headspace he was currently in.

Kimi slowly overcame his attack, little by little feeling like himself again. He sat up straighter, grimacing at the pain radiating from his tensed up muscles. He took the inhaler from Sebastian’s hand and even though he didn’t have any stuffy feeling in his lungs, he used it, knowing that Aina would have wanted him to do it.

Refusing the water to keep the contents of his stomach down, he held Sebastian’s worried solemn eyes. “She isn’t even officially 16 yet. Her birthday is on the 26th of March. If I inform the authorities now, her father will be notified and he’ll press charges against me, proving that I’m incapable of parenting her.”

“And?” Sebastian couldn’t understand what could be more important than Aina’s security.

“And he’ll take her away and I won’t be able to see or hear from her until she is 18!” Kimi balled his fists enough to draw his own blood with his own nails.

“Seb, I used to drink… A lot…” Talking about his past addiction and what it had almost costed him was so hard, but he went on. “We got divorced easily enough, but the trials for her custody went on for several long months because there was proof that I had hit him once while I was drunk…” He stopped himself, swallowing hard a few times to bury the memory.

“I got treatment and I was able to medically prove the court that I was clean. You see… He has the better status, the better means, and a better life to offer to her… I had only this…” He pointed at the left side of his chest.

“Yet she chose me and the court gave her to me on the condition of being always monitored medically and criminally until she's of age. I… I can’t just go and ruin it all… Seb, he'll have every right to take her away then… Then I… I…” He began to choke on his own breath again and Sebastian hushed him and held his hands to stop him from wringing them hard against each other.

“Kimi, calm down and think… We should call the police, okay? Anything might have happened… You can’t live with the knowledge of it if something has really happened to her while you idle here, doing nothing. I know you…” Sebastian stopped and calmed himself down, caressing Kimi’s face lovingly. “We are calling the police. I have a friend who knows some higher ups... I’ll ask him to keep this off the record for the time being until we learn what had actually happened, okay?”

Sebastian’s words calmed Kimi down enough for him to see reason and think with a clearer mind. He nodded and that was all it took for Sebastian to make his call.

Kimi listened to him persuade his friend to search for a Mercedes in the security cameras around the school, thankfully knowing the exact time and location to look.

Unsurprisingly, Aina was seen being followed by a large black SUV and then getting into it in haste. But she had appeared to be going willingly and that was what poured ice in Kimi's heart. When Sebastian told him the plate number of the car and asked if it was familiar, Kimi shook his head.

The luxury car instantly made him think about Fernando, but as far as Kimi knew, the Spaniard didn’t own a Merc and never before he had taken Aina away without either him or her telling him about it.

“Can they look it up?” Sebastian asked his friend and Kimi dreaded the answer, but it was already too late.

“Registered to Spain, huh?” Sebastian murmured as he paced around. “Can we learn the owner nevertheless?” He waited for a while and then stopped dead in his tracks. He turned around with a completely shocked face, unable to hide the traces of how betrayed and angry he felt upon the things the police was telling him. “The car belongs to whom you said?” He repeated, his dark eyes finding Kimi’s defeated, fearful ones. He took the phone away from his ear and snorted mirthlessly, rubbing a hand through his hair in bewildered frustration. “What kind of a clusterfuck is this, Kimi? Your ex was Fernando Alonso?”

Kimi could only close his eyes and nod at the accusatory and betrayed way the German was looking at him.

Sebastian walked a few steps away to collect himself, unable to understand why this had come as such a blow to him, irritating him this much, rubbing him in all the wrong ways.

He turned back to his call. “Sorry, mate, wrong alarm...” He massaged at his temples at the rapid way his friend was talking about their finding and if they wanted to press charges. “No, no, no… Fernando is the girl’s father. Everything's alright. I'll explain later, okay? I owe you one, I really do… Thank you.” He hung up and took a deep breath. He remembered to text Carl to busy himself with something until he could calm down enough to listen to Kimi.

Kimi was ready to face the wrath of Sebastian for keeping this from him for so long, but before then, before he could give Sebastian the time he deserved, he called Fernando. Predictably, the Spaniard did not pick up. Kimi sent him a venomous text and the effect of it was instant. Fernando called back.

“Where the hell are you, damn you!” He swore in a guttural voice, gritting his teeth.

 _‘Hello to you, too, my love…’_ Fernando answered sarcastically. _‘Such a scathing text was that… What has gotten your pants in a twist again?’_ His voice was muffled by background noise as if he was somewhere crowded.

Kimi growled at the nonchalant reply. “Just answer me, dammit!”

 _‘At an electronics store, shopping for a charger, love…Missed us this much?’_ He chuckled, acting as if he couldn't hear how serious Kimi was.

“Where is she, give her the phone!” Kimi ordered, feeling his blood boil in his veins.

 _‘Don’t shout, hurting my poor ear… She is looking at laptops over there. What happened, why are you so angry?_ ’ Fernando pretended to not know why Kimi was so mad with him.

Kimi tried to rein in his anger and get to the bottom of it. “Why the hell haven't you told me about any of this?” He questioned sharply.

 _‘This? Me taking Aina away? So, that's why you are throwing a hissy fit?’_ Fernando switched to Spanish just like every time he got angry, his acting stellar. _‘How am I turned out to be the one to blame now? She was the one who was supposed to tell you this...’_

Only then it dawned on Kimi that Fernando also had no idea about what was going on, either. From his side, it had to seem like Kimi was trying to take his unjust anger out on him. He cringed and sighed deeply, feeling Sebastian’s eyes watching him intently. “She told me nothing. I assumed the worst, how could you be so irresponsible, taking her away without any luggage, without even calling me?” He began speaking in Spanish, too, as was their habit, without even realizing.

 _‘Now, now, stop right there, Kimi!’_ Fernando was quick to protest.

_‘It is not my problem if she’d wanted to hide this from you until the very last moment, right? You should be the one questioning yourself why Aina rearranged her exam days to empty Friday so that she could be together with me just one more day than the usual. She told me nothing, but I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't know how to tell you this after you fell sick last time she had been with me.’_

Fernando twisted the situation so well that he was unconsciously grinning at his own soft and understanding tone, hearing nothing from Kimi's end. Even though he could perfectly guess Aina's reason for planning all these was to create more time for Kimi and Sebastian to spend together, he wasn't going to make it easy for them. Never.

Kimi was speechless. His mouth hung open for a few seconds as he felt his heart break at Fernando's words. Blood left his face and he looked at Sebastian with wide eyes, making him tilt his head at him with doubt written all over his tense features.

“W-what the hell are you talking about?” He could barely talk.

Fernando sighed dramatically from the other end of the line. _‘C’mon, love, don't make me spell it out for you. You're damn well aware, but choose to ignore it. She is barely 16, but you forced us apart because of your wounded ego. She misses me and wants to be with me just like she wants to be with you. And she has been feeling guilty for wanting to be with me for five years, you know? Because of you...’_  

When Kimi stayed dead silent, Fernando went on in a serious tone. _‘So, please, when she calls you, pretend that I had informed you of her plans, alright? Don't give her one more reason to guilt trip herself about the time she spends with me.’_ Then his voice took on an accusing edge. _‘Because you have lost that right when you had signed those papers away, love.’_

That cruel remainder snapped Kimi out of his daze. He didn't know where Aina had learned about his asthma attack, but she had to have talked about it with Fernando for him to give that reaction to this call and Kimi's accusations. He didn't know what to say to the Spaniard other than a pained apology. “Sorry for jumping to conclusions.”

Fernando huffed at that good naturedly. _‘I have always admired the fact that you have it in you to apologize.’_

“Yes, unlike someone I know. How many times have I told you to not call me _that_?” Kimi snapped, regaining some if his anger at the snide remark and Fernando's nonchalance about still calling him those endearments as a joke.

 _‘Always the right one…’_ Fernando agreed, his voice sounding fond and wistful in Kimi's ear. _'I wish I could have been half as good as you… Then everything would have been different.’_ He planted the seed, unsurprisingly getting only silence in return.

 _‘Kimi, you can call me about her anytime, you know that. She is our kid. She is maybe the only thing beautiful about the two of us and I am sure you can overcome your aversion of me if it means her happiness, right?’_ He offered in a helpful and understanding way, his voice dripping with honey.

Kimi stayed silent for a few seconds, painfully aware that Sebastian was listening and observing him like a hawk. He felt unreasonably self conscious and guilty under that dark blue judging gaze.

“Yeah…” He murmured as monotonously as he could. “Tell her to call me when she gets a chance.”

Fernando promised to do that and hung up, successfully tearing Kimi apart like he had planned.

Kimi was about to pull all his hair out. He took a few deep breaths to reorient himself before he hastily typed a text message to Carl, telling him to hide what happened from Aina, because there was a misunderstanding about her father and he didn’t want her to feel guilty over his panic attack. Then he tentatively looked back at Sebastian who had stayed frighteningly silent during all these.

Seb had been leaning against the door frame of the living room, watching the heated exchange with his hands in his pockets, his eyes narrowed down, unable to decide how to feel about what he had found out and witnessed.

When he got Kimi’s attention back, he waved a hand at the general direction of the front door dismissively. “I could have left you alone if you’d asked me. No need to speak in Spanish for the privacy.” He tilted his head back, coldly eyeing the Finn.

Kimi swallowed hard, shaking his head. “It was just a habit…” He told the truth. “I have nothing to hide from you…”

“Oh, yeah?” Seb smiled at him derisively, nodding. “Then, when were you planning to tell me all about this mess?” He crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for an explanation.

Kimi was barely keeping himself together, his body still trembling in the wake of too much burnt adrenaline and frayed nerves. He felt hallowed out, tired and weak. “Truth be told, I’d never wanted to tell you about him.” He confessed, looking up at Sebastian as if he was pleading with him to understand him.

“Why? Am I not worthy enough to know?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow, refusing to empathize with Kimi for some reason even he couldn’t understand.

The insinuation hurt Kimi. “He is not a fond memory that I want to keep to myself, Seb, no…”

“Oh, but apparently, ignoring him doesn’t make him go away, either, right?” Sebastian pressed on. “What was all this shit about, will you tell me?” He demanded a bit heatedly.

Kimi had never seen Sebastian regard him with such eyes before. Anger, betrayal, disappointment, bewilderment… They all got their turns in the younger man’s eyes and Kimi hated to be the object of that gaze, knowing that he'd been the one putting those emotions there.

“A misunderstanding…” He explained in a measured voice. “It appears that Aina forgot to tell me about her plans until the last minute and her phone died on her before she could. And Fernando thought I knew where she was going, so he didn't bother calling… They have never done something like this before and I just thought the worst...”

Sebastian took a deep breath and averted his eyes, utterly exasperated and worn out. He didn't know if he wanted to just go out to take a breather and think or leave the house all together, dragging Kimi somewhere away from all this shit. He paced around the general direction of the hall, his hands rubbing at his hair and face in a need to do something with himself.

With a sinking feeling, Kimi realized that the German no longer wanted to be there. He seemed so agitated and in all honesty, Kimi couldn't figure out the real reason behind Sebastian's reaction. Was he disgusted with Kimi's helplessness? Was he angry at him for hiding Fernando? Was he regretting falling into a bed with someone who had been used and discarded away by a man that Seb had raced against in the past? Kimi had no idea, but it hurt. Yet even then, even though he felt small and insignificant, he managed to school his face into his trademark stony expression, his eyes growing cold and distant.

“Thank you for helping me.” He mumbled, a terrible headache growing hot and insistent on his temples and at the back of his eyes. “And I am sorry for hiding him from you.”

Sebastian stopped and turned to him. When he saw that unreadable, unfeeling expression on Kimi's face, he stalled, his anger growing. “That's it?” He asked, his eyes narrowing down. “So this is how I am dismissed?”

Kimi cringed at the question. He didn't know what to say or how to react at the younger man's irate behavior. He felt his control over his emotions slip and his expression wavered. “Why are you angry with me, Sebastian?” He wondered, completely beaten out of his fight, and genuinely at a loss against this new side of the German.

Sebastian took a deep breath and exhaled it in a huff, some of the tension leaving him. “I guess…. Angry, yeah… But not at you, Kimi, no…” He searched for the correct words. “I… I don't even know why I even feel like this… I feel so wound up, irritated… But why, I don't know.” He told honestly.

Hearing that was a relief for Kimi, but not much. “I know you don't want to be here. I don't blame you for feeling this way, I understand. No need to force yourself to stay out of courtesy.” He offered a way out to Seb, even though he hoped against hope that he wouldn't just turn around and leave.

That and the pain reflected in the Finn's eyes finally got Seb to realize what he had been doing to him. His frown deepened and he felt horrible. “What? No, Kimi, no…Never…”

He quickly went beside him and took one of his cold hands in his, rubbing at it to warm it up. The hopeful yet tentative way Kimi's eyes were now regarding him twisted something in Sebastian's chest.

“Sorry… I am so sorry…I didn't mean to hurt you.” He apologized quickly. “I wanted to leave, yes, but with you… I was thinking about how I wished to take you away from this, Kimi, not about running away from you…”

The immense relief that washed over Kimi's features at his words was a sight to see after the Finn had tried to don that unfeeling mask of apathy. “I thought you hated me now…” He whispered hoarsely, rubbing at his eyes and forehead in agitation, his breath sounding like a sob.

Sebastian couldn't watch this anymore. So, he knelt in front of Kimi and cradled his head between his hands, pulling him down and coming eye to eye with him. “I would never hate you, Kimi, never… Why would you even think that?” He whispered against the Finn's lips, craving the contact.

Kimi wanted to lean in and just let Sebastian claim his lips, but he resisted the gentle tugging at the back of his head. This was more important than feeling good with the younger man's kiss. “I hid my past... There's too much you don't know about me. And I'm not sure if you’d want to hear it, not sure if you'll want me anymore after knowing all that shit.”

Seb caressed Kimi's cheeks lovingly, a soft and reassuring look brightening up his eyes. “Was this one of the reasons why you tried to stay away from me?” When Kimi nodded as if he was even regretting being himself, Sebastian surged forward and kissed him hungrily to prove him that all his worries were needless.

His eyes fluttering closed, Kimi tried to melt into the kiss, parting his lips for the other man readily, hoping that Sebastian's affection would simply ease his hurt.

He reached up to Sebastian's face, mirroring the way the German was holding him. He did his best to concentrate on the soft lips moving against his, trying to forget his heart ache in the sensation of being in Sebastian's arms. But his mind was tormenting him and his heart was too agitated for him to do that.

He pulled his head back, ending the mostly one sided kiss. When he looked back at Sebastian's eyes, he saw them glinting with something sharp that Kimi couldn't read, but he seemed ready to take whatever Kimi might throw at him.

“I want to listen to you, Kimi… If you are willing to talk about it. I want to learn more about you. Because good or bad, your past has shaped your present and I want to know more about you.” Sebastian leaned up and put one last little kiss on Kimi’s lips that parted in surprise. “But I need something to do. I feel confined here.” He declared and stood up in a quick flourish, tugging Kimi up, too.

Hauled to his feet easily as if he was boneless, Kimi was perplexed, swept away by Seb’s pace as the younger man got Kimi's phone from where he had put it together with his inhaler, and dragged him by the hand to the front door.

“Aina won’t be back until Sunday night, yes?”

Kimi nodded absentmindedly as Seb got his coat, beanie and scarf from the portmanteau.

“Are you wearing these?” The German asked.

Kimi was practically manhandled by Sebastian into his outwear and boots, having no strength to resist the other male. “But where are we going?”

“You are going to tell me your story and I am going to drive. Because I don’t think I can sit still while listening to it.”

Kimi winced at the words, trying to stop Sebastian. “You don’t have to, Seb… Who would want to listen to something like this in their right mind?”

“To tell you the truth, I am not completely in my right mind now, Kimi.” Sebastian confessed, adrenaline coursing through his system in a sickeningly fast way, demanding to be unleashed. “And let me be the one to decide that if you are still willing to talk?” He made it out to be a question and Kimi stopped, his mouth settling into a thin line before he relented to him.

Sebastian didn’t let it show on his face then, but the twinge of pain that had claimed him had been indescribable when Kimi had pulled away from his kiss as if he was unable to get into Seb’s touch, as if he wasn’t enough for the Finn to feel better and safe.

Sebastian had never felt such a need to possess before and he knew when his mind threatened to take dangerous paths. He’d prefer to die first before he’d act on his base nature under any circumstances, so, he decided to burn all this amounting cloying desire and irrational passion in him on the asphalt.

He tugged Kimi out of the house and let him lock the door while he went around and pulled down the garage door. Kimi was visibly shivering when Seb got him into the car and he took a deep breath before he started up his Ferrari.

The supercar came alive with a satisfying guttural sound as if a large and wild cat was nestled under the red hood, purring to itself contently. It instantly settled some of Sebastian’s nerves and he stepped on the gas pedal, taking them away into the night.

He knew that he was being unjust to Kimi, practically dragging him away while he was in this completely worn out state.

Quite possibly, the Finn had accepted coming with him and talking, because he didn't want to upset Sebastian. The guilt was prominent, but Seb had to hear this, even though it was probably going to be painful to listen to the person he loved talking about his ex love.

His mind was venomously whispering him why his nerves were stretched thin upon what he had found out tonight, but he persistently tuned it out, unable to face it yet.

He just hoped that Kimi would eventually find it in his heart to forgive him for sweeping him away to his whims after everything was said and done tonight.

_TBC..._


	9. Nothing Else Matters

Sebastian was driving through the city traffic, the lights of the shops coloring their solemn faces vividly in a total contrast of how they were actually feeling.

The city was alive and crowded even though it was cold, but they felt isolated from everything.

Kimi let Sebastian drive some time. In their silence, the younger man got them out of the busy city traffic, pushing the car to the intercity highway where there was nothing but trees and wilderness accompanying the passengers until the next city would come into sight.

Kimi was sitting a bit sideways, his eyes on the younger man beside him, watching him with a worried expression that he couldn’t hide. Was this really a good idea to do this in a car, at night, when Sebastian seemed to be as strung up as Kimi was? He knew the answer, but he chose to ignore it, minding the speed indicator behind the steering wheel instead.

“We have met at a go karting competition in Britain.” He began and leaned his head back against his seat, watching Sebastian drive with an unreadable expression on his face.

“We were around seven and nine, I guess. We instantly clicked together, became friends and exchanged our addresses. We started to write to each other, trying to use our English, trying to show off our success… It began on a childish note like that.”

“So I have guessed right then… You really were a racer…” Sebastian shook his head at how Kimi had refused to tell him even this much then when he had been ill.

Kimi shrugged, hugging his coat to himself. “I guess so… As much as you could call me as one…” He sounded wistful, but went on. “We met on many occasions after that, our relationship progressed, but slowly I had come to understand that I needed to stop racing.”

“Why?” Sebastian took a glance at him even as he increased their speed.

“My father could no longer effort to take me to the races even when he had taken extra shifts and other jobs to meet the ends. I couldn’t bear to see him sad because he couldn’t find the money to take me to international races, buy better equipments, and find lodgings and everything. I wasn’t able to find sponsors even though I had won things… It fell apart like that when I was fifteen and Fernando was thirteen. He had cried a river when he had learned that he could no longer race against me or see me.” Kimi fell silent, recalling the way Fernando had clung to him for a long time, refusing to let go.

Sebastian took another glance at Kimi and saw how pensive he was. His mind poisonously provided that it was not a thoughtful but a longing and wistful look and he ignored it. “Then?” He prompted.

Kimi looked back at him, sighing. “Then we continued writing and calling each other and he made me swear that I would study hard in his stead and be a mechanic and help him there when he would enter the Formula One.”

Sebastian was bewildered at that, his eyebrows rising. “You became an engineer just for the sake of him?” He asked, incredulous. “You trusted a kid’s dream and shaped your entire life around his words?”

The way Sebastian couldn’t bring himself to believe how Kimi’s life choices had been built around something as unstable and fleeting as teenage puppy love actually hurt Kimi, but he swallowed down the feeling.

“We were each other’s first love, Sebastian. And for a long time, until he had managed to kill everything within me, he’d meant the world to me as I am sure it was the same for him until something had changed in him.” Kimi didn’t see how the younger man narrowed his eyes down and worked his jaw at his words, silently gritting his teeth.

“I wasn’t the best student out there, having focused too much on racing. But I had managed to get myself accepted into a good university with a scholarship to study mechanical engineering.” Kimi continued. “I know it wounded him greatly when he couldn't get his degree because he had to focus on racing and winning to achieve his goal. In a way, we realized each other's dreams. I wanted to race, but couldn't and he wanted to study, but had to drop out.”

The inside of the car was now completely dark other than the soft illumination of the dashboard and the road lights that sped past by them as Sebastian smoothly threw the Ferrari from one curve to another on the nearly empty road. “I got my teacher’s certificate then and I was even able to send my dad some money.” Kimi recalled wistfully.

“I can’t believe you had managed to stay in touch with him during all that…” Sebastian observed, his competitive side rearing its ugly head at the level of Kimi’s and Fernando’s dedication to each other.

“He worked really hard to get bonuses so that he could come to me whenever he was able to find a bit of time. Even for a few hours… And I would do the same, using all the money that I could spare just to see him. I think my unhealthy routine of _eating less yet working hard_ is a thing ingrained in me then.” It was painful to remember those years, because it still hurt, he could still feel the pain of that love sizzling on the edge of his heart like a never closing wound.

Sebastian couldn't believe how much Kimi had willingly endured for the sake of the Spaniard. Their level of devotion had to be astounding and something ugly twisted in his chest at the idea of it even though he knew that it had been all in the past.

“I got my degree and he kept his promise and got a deal with Minardi. Then we got married.” Kimi sighed, turning his head away a bit, feeling bitter tears on the corners of his eyes.

Sebastian turned his eyes at him again. A horrible suspicion was growing in his mind, whispering him that Kimi was actually still mourning over his lost years with the Spaniard, still unable to get over them. “But nobody knew that he was married…” He pointed out, his gaze narrow and suspicious.

Kimi nodded, unseeingly watching the dark sky and the moon that followed them. “He preferred to hide his sexuality, signed a contract of confidentiality. Some higher ups in the teams knew about me and Aina, but that was all.”

“Some genuine honesty, huh?” Sebastian snorted at Fernando’s decision to keep his family a secret, his stomach going sick at remembering the news he had read about him in the past. “Damn it, Kimi… I was just a nobody when he got his championships, but even I can remember that there was lots of press coverage about his supermodel girlfriends. How could you roll with it? Why did you do that to yourself?”

Ah, that dreaded question… The question that had nearly driven Kimi mad with hurt, with helplessness and betrayal during those years, asked by his friends to him, asked by his family time after after time again… He swallowed down a sob to save himself some of his dignity and pride.

“I had spent nearly half of my marriage trying to make my loved ones believe that Fernando was faithful to me, that those women were just a decoy to keep the sponsors and the media interested, a cover to avoid the backlash a bisexual man would endure if he’d come out…”

“Coward!” Sebastian raised his voice and shifted up the gear, going past the speed limit as far as Kimi could tell. “I told everyone what I am as soon as I entered the sports. I got the backlash, I got the ridicule, the hate, but that didn’t stop me or made me hide behind a mask…”

Kimi tensed a bit at their speed, watching Sebastian warily. “Not everyone is as strong as you, Seb…” He vaguely remembered the time of Sebastian’s entrance to the sports, but those years were also Kimi’s worst years with Fernando, so he didn’t know much about the German’s career.

“Funnily enough, even though I eventually figured out what had been happening right under my nose, he had actually been faithful to me for awhile before and after his championships. When exactly he had decided to take benefit of this situation, I can’t tell, but it must have been sometime during his stay at Ferrari.”

“Why do you think so?” Sebastian got morbidly curious, recalling Fernando’s Ferrari years as filled with full of struggles and pitifully near misses in the championship.

“Ferrari demanded a lot from him… You have been there, must have seen the way how much pressure was on him…” Kimi sighed again. “I was working for the factory then as a part of the team developing the engine.”

“You used to be a Ferrari engineer?” Sebastian’s mouth dropped at the information. “Oh my god…”

“I worked for Renault, too, yeah.” Kimi shrugged as if it meant nothing and maybe it really didn't for him. “During his stay at those teams, I was a part of the development, too.” Kimi hated those years.

“In Ferrari, I began to drink. His bad results, his near misses, his frustration with the car and the press were all reflected on our personal life. We argued too much, he began to criticise everything I did. And it burned me up when I realized that he had been seeing an Italian actor while I was slaving myself on trying to help and create a winning car for him.”

Kimi balled his fists, squirming on his seat in distress. He understood Sebastian now, he itched to get up and run. Having to sit there with nothing to do was like a torment. “He apologized, told me it had been just a slip of control, a grave mistake, that he loved me more than anything in the world, and guess what? I stupidly believed in him.” He snickered at himself, but it sounded more like a sob, self deprecating and wet.

“Then we got distanced from each other slowly, nothing was the same anymore. I fell ill many times during his last year in Ferrari, spending most of my time at the hospitals than at the factory. Friends from the sports brought me the news of his latest exploits until someone from Ferrari took me aside and told me all from the beginning.”

“Everyone had known other than me and Aina, everyone, Seb… Apparently, he had fucked half of the paddock, men and women.” Kimi laughed bitterly. “Actually, I am amazed he hadn’t made a move on you while you had been there. You are totally his type.” He turned his head to the right again and hastily wiped away a drop of tear from his cheek, but from the sound of his broken tone, Sebastian could tell that he was crying.

“No, I am not…” Seb replied in cold fury.

Fernando's type was Kimi. He had always been... Every single person that Sebastian could recall seeing on Fernando’s arm in the paddock resembled to Kimi somehow. He was sure that if he’d pull up the news about the Spaniard and his exploits now from the internet, he’d see blue or green eyes, light blond hair and white skin with a cold and unapproachable countenance, but beautiful and warm when they smiled.

There was more to this than it seemed, something deeper. He wasn’t going to mention this to Kimi, but he had also heard how Fernando was still calling Kimi on the phone. He didn’t know Spanish, but who couldn’t recognize the words _mi amor_ when they heard them?

Fernando had to be still in love with Kimi, though Sebastian was not so sure how it could still be named as love when all Fernando had done was to ruin it all with his infidelity.

His blood burned in his veins at the realization. He wasn't aware, but he was speeding as if he was in a zone, his driving precise and sharp in a frighteningly cold machine-like way. He swerved left at an intersection and turned towards the northwest of where they had come from. “Then what happened?” He asked, without taking his eyes away from the road before him.

Kimi turned back to Sebastian, his bleary gaze hypnotized by the way the younger man was changing gears. “I left the house, took Aina with me. Didn't want to return my hometown, didn't want to bother my family with my problem.” Kimi's voice was coming hoarse now as if he could barely keep himself awake.

“Didn't want to hear them say _we told you…_ Jenson, my friend from the university... I used to confide in him. He knew of my situation. Took me in as a guest until I was able to stand upon my two feet and filed for a divorce.” He rubbed at his eyes tiredly, his headache muddling his mind. His shoulders sagged further and he tried to make himself smaller on the passenger seat, drawing his legs to himself and closing his eyes against his will.

“You are going too fast.” He complained and moaned at his pitiful state, taking small breaths to calm his stomach. “Feeling sick…” He grimaced, bile rising in his throat. “Are you still angry, Seb?”

That got Sebastian out of his tunnel vision. He stepped on the break, gradually slowing the car down and looking back at Kimi in worry. “I am not angry, Kimi, no… Don't worry about me. How do you feel?”

Kimi's eyes fluttered open when Sebastian stopped the car completely. “As if a hoard of elephants has run over me…” He sighed. “I want to sleep.”

Sebastian frowned at his own stupidity when he finally took a good look at the state that Kimi was in. Kimi was clearly trying to appease him by enduring this, yet all Seb could think of was his bruised ego and wounded self esteem against the phantom of another man. He reached out a hand, touching Kimi’s pale cheek as gently as he could. “I am sorry… I am really sorry for doing this to you.” He apologized, tears gathering in his eyes.

Kimi looked back at him innocently without understanding the reason Sebastian was apologizing to him. “Why?” He whispered.

Sebastian shook his head, pushing some hair away from Kimi’s sweaty forehead. “Tomorrow, when you are better, I’ll explain, okay? But now, I am taking you somewhere where you can rest and be safe. Do you think you can stay awake for me a bit more?”

Kimi nodded boyishly and settled down when Sebastian reclined his seat back a bit. He watched the younger man return back on the road again, this time driving calmly and gently. Try as he might, his eyes were refusing to obey him, but he didn’t want to worry Seb further, so he talked, saying whatever came to his mind. “So wound up for an old man like me…” He tried to smile, but it fell short.

Sebastian was taking quick glances at him, making sure that he wasn’t about to go sick. “Not an old man, no…” He refused. “And you worth it, you worth everything…” He told him adamantly.

That finally put a genuine smile on Kimi’s lips for the first time tonight, but it didn’t last long. “You are too good…” He sighed. “Such a waste on this broken man…”

“Shhh…” Sebastian stopped his words. “If you are broken, I’ll mend you… I'll even remake you as long as you’d want me to…” He stopped, realizing something. “Actually no, even if you don’t want me at some point, I don't think I'll be able stop myself from loving you...” He smiled ruefully to himself, running both hands through his hair, amazed at his own feelings.

Kimi opened his eyes at the German’s words, his gaze reflecting nothing but desolation. “You don’t really know what you are offering… What you are so willingly giving up…”

Sebastian was aware that he was risking too much, but his heart was telling him that it was in the right place in Kimi’s hands, so he didn’t care. “Might sound foolish to someone who had already walked this way once, but this is _our_ life, we’ll shape it however we want it.” He told Kimi decisively.

Kimi bit his lip, love shining in his eyes brilliantly. He felt so happy to hear those words that he wanted to bask in its warmth forever. “You really deserve the world, Seb… And I hope I can witness you get it one day…” He murmured and his eyes closed again.

Sebastian’s breath got caught in his throat, because he knew what Kimi meant by his words. “But I already got it, Kimi…” He whispered back, glancing at him fondly, but Kimi was already asleep. He sighed and drove on, keeping his driving as smooth as possible until he reached his loft, effectively returning back to the city, but to the outskirts of it where the wilderness reigned.

Normally, it would have taken only half an hour for them to reach here, but their detour had cost them about two hours. Seb drove up to the garage and parked the car, shutting the March cold outside. He let Kimi sleep some more and climbed to the living area of the house. He readied the rooms, turning on the lights and the heating.

He returned to the garage only to find Kimi confusedly looking around. “Come here, Kimi…” He helped the Finn out of the car and walked him to the stairs. Thankfully, Kimi was able to carry most of his own weight though he was a bit disoriented.

“Where are we?” The Finn blinked at the small hall that greeted him. Sebastian directly took him to the bedroom.

“We are close to the city, this is my winter loft. Now come here, I have a comfy bed.” Sebastian smiled a bit and then helped Kimi out of his coat and boots.

Kimi simply let him and shivered at the coldness of the room. When he was free of his outerwear, he went to the bed and crawled into it, not even bothering to push away the extra pillows or the fancy cover.

Sebastian took them away and helped Kimi get comfortable. He lowered the light, just enough for him to see around. Dutifully putting away their things, Sebastian got changed into sweatpants and a shirt, preparing another set for Kimi, incase he'd want to change into them during the night. But apparently, Kimi was already asleep.

He texted Carl where he was, put Kimi's phone and med on the night stand beside him and sat on the bed with his back to the other man, now had nothing to do.

He sighed heavily and looked around the dimly lit room unseeingly. Now that he was alone with his thoughts and feelings, he could make sense of them better and it wasn't a pleasant experience.

He was jealous, so jealous that the negativity and the intensity of the feeling astounded him. Realistically, he was aware that Kimi was giving him no reason for it, but the Finn was still going through the effects of his past in his present, because Fernando was still a big part of Kimi's life due to Aina.

Seb hated to admit it, but Kimi must have loved Fernando too much. He had practically spent his youth waiting to be together with him, working hard to be with him. It seemed Fernando had done the same, too, dedicating himself to keep his promise to Kimi just so that they could spend their lives together as they'd work on what they both loved, racing…

Wasn't this something that could have been out of a romantic movie or a book? A two times world champion and his personal engineer, building their lives around each other… How did they manage to ruin it all was anyone's guess, but it had to have been dreamy while it had lasted.

How could someone win against a love like that?

Sebastian rubbed his hands at his face and grimaced at his own measly experience in matters of real love.

Once, there had been this petite girl, brilliant like the sun when she smiled, wanting to marry him, to have children from him. But he had driven her away with his thirst for success, his immense need to be on the top. She had wanted a normal life with her man beside him, but his eyes had been set on the peak of the world. He knew that he'd made her unhappy eventually, so he just let the chance slip by him, still wondering to this day how it could have been if he'd let himself be swept away.

Other than her, there had always been either one night stands for him or simple arrangements like friends with benefits, casual, transitory relationships with no strings attached. Come to think of it, he had some serious luck for managing to get Kimi believe in the depth of his love even though his name had also gotten around as a notorious playboy just like the Spaniard's. Looking from the outside, he knew that he wasn't much different from Fernando in so many ways, actually. No wonder Kimi had closed himself off as soon as Sebastian had opened up to him.

But Kimi had been a first for Sebastian, throwing him from one intense emotion to another, surprising him by his ability to feel things this strongly just like he'd done during racing. The rush he got from touching Kimi, from listening to him, from being with him resembled to that cocktail of nerves and emotions that wreaked havoc in him during the race weekends. It was addicting and he craved more. Which was also dangerous, because he was discovering new limits within himself and his readiness and willingness for crossing them if it was about Kimi.

It was frightening, to be able to feel this way about another person. And as someone who was currently experiencing it, he wondered if Fernando and Kimi had actually managed to overcome and forget it or if it had turned into something else and persisted in their hearts.

The question burned his insides and unable to deal with the anxiety that it instilled in him, he jumped to his feet to leave the bedroom only for his hand to get caught.

Wide eyed, he turned around and saw Kimi leaning on his right elbow, holding onto him. “I thought you were asleep…” He whispered in surprise and when Kimi tugged at his hand, he sat back onto the bed.

Kimi peeled the blankets off the bed and patted the space beside him. “Come here, Sebby…” He whispered back with a gravelly voice. “Warm me up.”

Sebastian obeyed him docilely, slipping under the covers. Kimi was upon him in an instant, pushing him onto his back and draping himself upon his body. Kimi only relaxed after resting his head on the younger man's chest, sighing.

Sebastian hugged him firmly to himself, tangling their legs under the covers. His hand cradled Kimi's head gently and he began massaging the Finn's head, his finger tips playing with the golden hair.

Kimi hummed sleepily and took a deep breath, taking in Sebastian's scent with it. “You smell so nice.” He whispered, nudging playfully at Sebastian's naked feet with his sock clad ones, trying to make him smile. When the German kept his silence, he mercilessly pushed his cold hand under Sebastian's t-shirt and pinched at his nipple gently, making him jolt in shock and utter a curse in German. Kimi just giggled.

“I thought you were tired.” Sebastian complained, both amused at his child like laugh and fondly exasperated at the same time.

“Yeah, dead tired…” Kimi agreed. “But managed to make you smile…”

That, he certainly did. Sebastian realized that he was actually smiling for real for the first time tonight.

Kimi got up a bit, leaning over Seb. “Smile, Sebastian. Say something, talk, never stop…” When their eyes met in the dark, Kimi kissed the other man's parted lips softly. “When you stay silent, I begin to get ideas and they are not of the good kind…” He confessed. “Don't keep things to yourself, okay?”

With smarting eyes, Sebastian gritted his teeth at the beauty of the Finn's heart.

What was dreamy and great had not been the love Fernando and Kimi had shared. Sebastian realized that the incredible thing he had been jealously admiring the whole night was Kimi... Kimi's love and his devotion… But how could anyone compete against someone like this man? Fernando had tried and failed at it spectacularly, losing him. Was Sebastian going to succeed? He reached up to Kimi, _he had to_.

“I love you.” He told the Finn with fierce determination. He watched Kimi's eyes go wide and his lips part breathlessly. “I have been meaning to say this to you again when I am fully awake, so, hear me out. I love you so much.”

Kimi couldn't have described the excitement, joy and happiness he felt then even if he would have tried. He realized that he was crying only when Sebastian reached up to him and wiped at his cheeks with a small smile on his face.

Sebastian slowly lowered him down and rolled him onto his back. He tried to lean a bit away, but Kimi pulled him down from his neck and kissed him with all he had.

Needing this connection more than anything now, Sebastian melted into the kiss, feeling Kimi's smile pressed against his lips and giving him an equal amount of euphoria. He parted his mouth, and swiped his tongue at Kimi's bottom lip and heard his small laugh, his breath puffing against his wet lips.

“And I love you, too.” Kimi laughed again, giddy like a child, his eyes shining in the dim light. He leaned up and peppered Sebastian's face with kisses, making him laugh, too. “Happy you is the best you.” He scratched at the younger man's beard gently and then cradled his face between his now warm hands, admiring him. “I love you so much…” He whispered again, looking right into the dark blue eyes solemnly as if he was making a promise to Sebastian.

Hearing that from Kimi had been like a balm to Sebastian's soul. He held the Finn's eyes, turning serious again. “You say the things I want to hear, do the things I need you to do just when it matters the most. How do you do this?” He genuinely wondered.

Kimi looked back at him, but he was unable to suppress the joy from spreading on his lips again. “I am awesome like that.” He raised an eyebrow and put a small kiss on Sebastian's nose.

Sebastian laughed at the boyish confidence. “Yes, Kimi… You really are awesome.” He agreed and reclined on his side, pulling Kimi to his chest.

Kimi was quick to tangle their legs together again and sighed into the crook of Sebastian's neck, hugging him. “Are we good?” He whispered tentatively.

Sebastian nodded, feeling Kimi's eyelashes flutter against his skin, they were that close. “Of course, we are, dearest.” He ran his hand through Kimi's hair and kissed his forehead. “Sleep now. I am here.”

“No going anywhere…” Kimi mumbled and before his breathing evened out, he heard the younger man's promise.

“Never, Kimi…”

* * *

 

The next day, Kimi literally jumped from his sleep with the sound of his phone ringing. It wasn't the best thing to wake up to, but when he rolled over on the bed and got his phone to turn it off; his eyes went wide, making him realize many things all at once.

He was in an unfamiliar bedroom, alone, the hour was close to midday and Aina was calling. He picked up the call and a big smile appeared on his face when he heard his daughter's cheery and energetic voice.

“Good morning, dad! And let me guess, you are still in bed, aren't you?”

He chuckled at her precision and sit up in the bed, ruffling his hair. “Morning, dear. How are you doing?” He asked, looking around the room and fleetingly wondered where Sebastian was.

“Great! I am in Enstone!” Aina sounded so happy and excited that it elevated Kimi's spirits, too.

He talked with her for some time about her factory visit, never mentioning the last night's mess when she apologized for being unable to call him yesterday.

When she'd return, he really needed to find out her real thoughts about this guilt that Fernando had talked about. But honestly, he didn't know how to address the situation after going through five years of it. The idea was like a stone logged in his stomach, but he had to do it no matter how much he also dreaded it.

He ended the call in conflicting emotions, one part of him was relieved to hear her happy voice again, while the other part was troubled by the thoughts of her silently going through all those years in a turmoil, having to choose between her parents again and again. He kicked the blankets aside and decided to leave these thoughts for a later time.

“Seb?” He called out and immediately got an answer from the far end of the house.

“In the kitchen… Good morning! Or more correctly, good afternoon sleepy head!” Sebastian’s light voice instantly put another smile on Kimi’s face and he followed it to find the said kitchen at the end of the small hall, overlooking a wondrous view of the forest that the house stood on the edge of.

“A very nice view to wake up to…” He mumbled, smirking slightly as he approached the younger man who was standing beside the stovetop, cooking.

Sebastian couldn’t help but grin, too, flipping the omelet he was making on the pan with a flourish as if to show off his skills. “Making breakfast for us…” He put a small kiss on Kimi’s cheek when the other man simply draped himself on his back, leaning on him and making it hard to work. “Don’t do that or you’ll have burnt eggs, Kimi…” Seb warned and Kimi kissed him back on his neck, carrying his own weight again, but not letting Sebastian go either.

“I’d eat them anyway…” Kimi murmured with a sigh, loving the peaceful atmosphere that reigned in the house and its owner when he thought about what a horrible night the two of them had.

Sebastian placed the first batch of the omelet in a plate and handed it to Kimi. “Put it on the table and go wash your face… The bathroom is next to the bedroom. There is a change of clothes there, towels, everything… You have ten minutes.” He shooed the Finn away with a mischievous expression as Kimi gaped a bit at his playfully bossy attitude.

Amused by the younger man’s behavior, Kimi saluted Seb just as he liked doing it for Aina whenever she would boss him around. And he loved Sebastian’s laugh following him to the other side of the house.

Exactly ten minutes later, Kimi was rubbing a towel at his damp hair, clad in one of Sebastian’s t-shirts and sweatpants, looking well rested with a bit of more color on his face than he’d had yesterday.

Sebastian was secretly admiring how his t-shirt was stretching a bit more than usual over the other man’s wider shoulders, but he pushed the sentiment to the back of his mind. He had to talk to Kimi and he didn’t need any distractions.

Kimi was painfully aware that Sebastian was just trying to find the correct time to start the conversation even though he didn’t seem any different as he made small talk about the beautiful loft he owned or the sweet pancakes he had cooked for him. Kimi humored the German, eating more than he’d normally do, because Seb was actually a good cook and had apparently spent a good time in preparing the table for the two of them.

“Liked it?” Sebastian was watching him wolf down a good chunk of a pancake, drizzled in strawberry jam, smiling at him over the rim of his coffee cup.

Kimi could only nod, eating some more as if to postphone their talk for as long as he could.

Sebastian had to have caught on that, too, because after his sixth pancake and the three egged omelet, he took away the plate of food before him and replaced it with a large glass of fresh orange juice. “You’ll make yourself sick.” He warned.

Kimi bit on his lip and then sighed and reclined back in his chair without touching the juice, because he really might get nauseous if he’d drink it. “What is on your mind?” He asked and opened a door for their conversation.

Sebastian shrugged and shook his head a bit. “Thinking about how you are one of the strongest people I have ever seen.” He answered in a soft voice.

Kimi snorted a bit, disbelief written across his features as was the case whenever he was praised or complimented. “How so? I got a breakdown right in front of you… Again… I couldn't even figure out what was the right thing to do until you persuaded me last night. I couldn't even call _him_ and ask about her…” Kimi sighed deeply, self aversion dripping from his voice. “I am just a cowardly old man…”

Sebastian put his coffee cup down and frowned upon the way the Finn talked about himself. His heart gave a painful throb at how ingrained these negative ideas seemed to be in the other man.

“Was he the one who told you you are old?” He asked and the widening eyes that caught his own was all the answer he needed. “You are not old, Kimi. You sometimes look even younger than me when you are happy. It is his fault for taking that happiness away from you.” He reached out and caressed Kimi's cheek with the back of his fingers.

“Nobody can call someone weak who had done so much to save his love and family… Who had overcome an addiction, who had endured sicknesses, poverty, the pain of having to make others believe that you were not insane for trusting into your loved one…”

Kimi was unable to hold Sebastian's eyes. A lump logged itself in his throat and he couldn't swallow. “You are the second person who told me this…” He revealed wistfully.

A fond smile appeared on Seb's face. “Who is the other one?”

“Aina…” Kimi looked back into Sebastian’s eyes, hesitant and cautious.

“Not a surprise, then… Because she seems to have learned love from you; unconditional, nurturing, generous…” Sebastian observed correctly and then reached for Kimi’s hand.

“Kimi, I can only guess how hurt you are, but let me be the one mending you, please.” He looked back at the ice blue eyes with fierce determination, holding the Finn's hand firmly in his. “Because I need some mending, too, you know?” He smiled, anxious for a positive response. “I hope you'll be the one who helps me out on that?” He made it into a question, hopeful and soft.

Kimi could only bite on his lip, trying to contain the immense amount of relief and joy that filled him upon Sebastian's words. He didn't trust his words, so he brought Sebastian's hand to his chest and placed it right above his heart. “Feel that?” He whispered.

Sebastian's smile widened at the rapid and strong rhythm under the palm of his hand and he nodded.

“This is because of you and is also my answer, Seb.”

Sebastian couldn't be any more happier. He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on Kimi's lips. “I'm the luckiest man alive.” He whispered and Kimi kissed him back.

“And so I am…”

They stayed like that for a little while before Sebastian leaned a bit away. “There is one more thing, Kimi.” He turned serious again. “I am going to apologize.” He began, catching surprise filtering in Kimi’s gaze.

“I shouldn’t have forced you into driving with me while you were in that state.” He confessed, playing with Kimi’s fingers. “You were right… It was a hard story to listen to, let alone to tell, I can’t even imagine… And I am sorry for making you feel like you had to explain yourself to me, to appease my ego, even though you had done nothing wrong, had nothing to feel bad about. But I acted like a jerk, acted as if you owed me… I am ashamed of making you feel like that on top of your sickness and weariness, and then making you endure a two hour’s drive…”

Last night, while in that condition, Kimi had not even realized this. All he could think of was the reason why Sebastian had been so upset and what he could do to mend him. Tears blurred his eyes as he gazed at their connected hands. “Wow… It has been so long since I’ve got an apology like this.” He raised his eyebrows in genuine wonder. “I have always thought that I have to be the one to explain myself to make things right...”

“No, Kimi… Never again with me, no…” Sebastian fiercely promised and kissed the back of Kimi’s hand, looking at him pleadingly. “Will you forgive and forget?”

How could Kimi not when Sebastian asked like that? He nodded and leaned in to rest their foreheads against each other, closing his eyes for a moment. He just concentrated on the feeling of Sebastian’s closeness, his warmth and his smell. Their shoulders, arms and legs were touching and it felt peaceful, like home for the both of them.

“I love you…” Sebastian whispered, watching a smile spread on Kimi’s lips up close as he answered back.

“I love you, too, Sebby.”

“Sebby, huh? Nice…” Sebastian chuckled at the new version of his name. “I can get used to it. But that’s unfair, your name is already short and cute… What am I supposed to call you?” He complained.

Kimi leaned back with knowing eyes. “You used something once last night…” He reminded. “And I loved it…”

“Oh… Dearest?” Sebastian recalled and saw Kimi nod after averting his eyes shyly as color rose a bit on the Finn’s face. “Well, then… Since it has the perfect effect.” He raised a mischievous eyebrow at the reaction he got. “What do you say, _dearest_?” He snickered.

Embarrassed a little, Kimi rolled his eyes at the younger man to cover it up. “I say let’s go for a walk if you are up to some exercise…”

Sebastian loved the idea. He stood up, handing Kimi some used dishes. “I know just where to take you...” He smugly smiled. “But only after you help me out a bit in the kitchen, _dearest_.” He winked and made Kimi laugh.

_TBC..._


	10. Take My Breath Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half of this is M rated ;)

In Enstone, Aina was quite surprised that she was given permission to enter the grounds where the formula one car’s chassis parts were produced and assembled.

She was beside herself with happiness, her lips parted in delight, cheeks pink in excitement as she watched the mechanics work on the beautiful machine.

The black and yellow livery was eye catching, making the car look like some venomous serpent ready to snap at whoever dared to come close to it.

The mechanics were kind people, answering her questions earnestly and she diligently observed their work from whichever angle possible without touching the machine.

Fernando was watching her from out of the assembly sector, standing before the line of huge windows that followed the production belt. His lawyer and the factory manager were beside him, waiting for the people from the directorial board to arrive.

“She is like a little kid in an amusement park.” The manager commented, amused and impressed by Aina's enthusiasm.

“She'll be a great engineer.” Fernando nodded with a proud and sure smile on his face.

“And you seem to be her greatest fan.”

“I am, yes…” Fernando agreed readily, pushing his hands in his pockets. “I can do anything for her.” He declared and his smile disappeared slowly at the gravity of his own conviction. When he thought how he had spontaneously decided to use her lapse in judgment and bad timing to his advantage yesterday, his insides twisted, but he chose to not mull over it much. Even imagining her reaction to his cruel opportunism was like a blow into his gut, so he refused to think about the moment she might find out what he had done.

He gritted his teeth and watched her fawn over the beautiful car inside a bit more until they were finally notified of the arrival of the higher ups. When Aina rejoined them, Fernando took her to the large meeting room with him, bewildering Aina further.

The people from the directorial board who had been authorized in the selling of the company’s shares greeted Aina as their main client, sitting before her and showing her the paperwork that was needed to be talked about and then signed over.

Completely perplexed, Aina listened to the legal explanations, her and the company’s rights, the mutual responsibilities and all the technicalities that were involved. Her eyes were large as she looked between Fernando and the lawyers, understanding dawning on her as she watched a nice smile appear on Fernando’s face at her realization. She began to smile, too, but as she looked at her father’s love filled gaze, her joy bubbled up in soft laughter.

“Miss. Räikkönen, as Mr. Alonso here is one of your legal guardians; he’ll hold the using and controlling rights of the share that you are buying until you are 18 years of age and turn legal to take the control of them by our country’s laws.” One of the lawyers informed Aina and brought the papers close to her so that she and Fernando could sign them.

Aina hesitantly looked at Fernando’s eyes, aware that her father was probably burying all his money into this deal as the amount that his lawyer was currently transferring to Renault was a phenomenal number. “Father, we really don’t have to do this…” She spoke in Spanish, not taking the pen offered to her.

Fernando snorted good-naturedly. “Princess, what is mine is yours. Now or later, you’ll get everything I own. So, the time doesn’t matter, right?” He ran a hand through her long locks gently, encouraging her to sign, but she still seemed to have misgivings about all this arrangement. “Aina, even if you don’t sign now, I will transfer my share to you when you are 18 as I am your parent and have the right to legally appoint you as my sole inheritor. Nothing changes, dear. This will be yours anyway.”

Aina bit on her lower lip and then swallowed. Her hand was shaking as she took up the heavy pen and blinked up at the lawyers, signing the spaces that they showed her. She handed the pen to Fernando and he also signed his part, effectively buying 15 percent of Renault Formula 1 Team’s shares in his daughter’s name.

“The transfer is complete.” Fernando’s lawyer announced. “And let me remind you that this transaction was done under confidentiality as per my client’s request until he deems it fit to inform the press or any other parties that it might concern.” He explained mostly for Aina.

“I can’t talk about this to anyone?” Aina was a bit puzzled by the demand, but Fernando laughed.

“You can tell Kimi, princess, but no bragging about it to your friends, okay?” He asked jovially.

Aina shrugged, not that she would ever brag about it to anyone, but she guessed that this could be related to marketing reasons and the value of the shares, so she nodded. She didn't want to be the reason if some rumors would spread and effect Fernando’s work badly just because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

Everyone stood up from their seats and shook hands, Aina feeling herself older and more solemn like a businesswoman, still trembling slightly in the face of what she had actually done. She itched to just jump into Fernando’s arms and hug him as fiercely as she could, but she felt that she shouldn’t do it before this many higher ups and business people that dealt with her father on a professional level. Instead, the factory manager showed her the way out.

“Now that you are part of our family, let’s get you more acclimated to how we work, Aina.” He offered.

She looked back at Fernando and when he waved at her and winked, she relaxed and smiled, leaving him with the people from the directorial board. The group seemed to have something more to talk about, and Aina preferred the lively atmosphere of the workshop to the stiff air in the meeting room, so she gladly followed the manager back to the assembly sector of the factory.

She spent some more time there, mostly waiting for Fernando to return. After a while, her phone vibrated and she got out to the hospitality area to look at it.

Her happiness multiplied when she saw that there were several pictures sent by Sebastian in her inbox. She patiently opened them one by one, melting at the cuteness that greeted her.

The pictures were various selfies of the German with her dad, taken at a snowy little lake side, the sky a bit dark but the smiles on Sebastian’s and Kimi’s faces were all bright. They were mostly leaning against each other, their foreheads touching with love and joy glinting in their eyes. They looked so nice together and so in love that Aina got tempted to set one of the photos as her lock screen, but then thought better of it. She didn’t want to be the one through whom Fernando would find their relationship out.

There was a last photo in which Sebastian was kissing Kimi on the cheek, a playful spark in his eyes with Kimi shyly looking a bit down, smiling. There was a caption under it and it made Aina snort fondly.

_‘Took you up on your suggestion and kidnapped your dad into the wild. The result…’_

She quickly typed an answer back. “Well, I don’t know how you convinced him to wear that red beanie, but it suits him and I can see he is not complaining ;) And good job, by the way. So many smiles! I hereby declare you as my favorite German!”

 _‘Oh, I thought your favorite German was Carl :D’_ Sebastian immediately texted back, making her blush.

“Then let’s say you two are number one in different categories :P” She grinned at her phone screen and that was how Fernando found her.

“There you are, princess, having fun?” He approached her table.

Aina sprang to her feet in a flash and hugged Fernando fiercely, knocking the breath out of his lungs. He laughed and rocked her gently. He patted her head and rubbed at her shoulder blades, pouring all of his affections into his touch.

“I am so happy!” Aina reached up and kissed Fernando on both cheeks, making him laugh some more.

“You liked your birthday present?”

She had completely forgotten about it. “Did you do this for my birthday?” She asked wide eyed.

Fernando pursed his lips and shrugged. “I know we have a few more weeks to that, but I wanted to get this done before Melbourne Grand Prix. I won’t be here during that week.”

That sounded normal to Aina since Fernando was currently a share holder of the team in her name. But there was more to it.

“You know I have been doing promo and media work for the brand, right?”

Aina nodded.

“Just a few minutes ago, I officially became the team ambassador. I will be an advisor, testing the car when needed and a driver consultant.” Fernando explained proudly.

Aina could only mouth a silent _wow_ at his new job description.

Fernando raised an amused eyebrow at her amazement. “Impressed with your father, yet, princess?”

How could she not be? “You know I’ve always been, father. I love you.”

Fernando’s heart swelled at her adoration and he kissed her forehead. “And I love you, too, Aina.” He took her hand in his and turned around to leave. “Let’s get dressed up and go have dinner at some fancy place to celebrate this, okay?” He offered.

“Yep! So hungry!” Aina followed him with a skip in her step, happy for both of her parents. “Today was the best birthday present I’ve ever had.”

* * *

"Why are you smiling like that?” Kimi was walking beside Sebastian as they made a tour around the small dark blue lake. They were holding hands and their shoulders were touching, their feet moving in tandem upon the awakening forest floor as they listened to the nature around them.

“How am I smiling?” Sebastian asked, utterly loving the way their hands were fitting with their fingers interlaced snugly.

Kimi leaned a bit forward to take a good look at him, a soft look of wonder on his face. “Like you just got the best praise you could ever get… You seem so pleased with yourself.” He observed.

Seb snorted at the correct guess, no longer surprised by how precisely the Finn was reading him like an open book. “I really got a nice praise, yeah…” He confessed and took out his phone, handing it to Kimi.

Kimi saw the photos Seb had just taken and realized that he had sent them to Aina. “You…” He began and then sputtered when he read their text exchange. “She suggested you what?” He looked at Sebastian incredulously.

Seb simply shrugged a shoulder and grinned. “Yes, she really has a creative mind.” He genuinely praised Aina. “On a more serious note, I hope you are aware that we owe this moment to her.” He brought up their clasped hands and kissed Kimi’s fingers.

When he saw the question in the Finn’s eyes, he explained. “She came to my house after I stopped calling you.” He looked at Kimi’s eyes, slowing their pace down a bit. “I was angry, heartbroken. I doubted myself and thought you hated me, but were too polite to simply tell me to fuck off from your life.”

Kimi bit on his lower lip, frowning in distress. “I am really sorry for making you feel that way.” He apologized, but Sebastian shook his head.

“No, Kimi… I am not telling you this because I expect an apology from you. Don’t apologize for trying to protect your heart.” Sebastian gave a reassuring squeeze to his hand and went on. “She said something to me… Once you had told her that I deserved the world.” He smiled wistfully, sighing. “She asked if I really did, because for her, you meant the world…”

Kimi’s lips parted in surprise, touched deeply by his daughter’s words and Sebastian’s willingness to give them that chance.

“I guess I was just waiting for someone to give me the right push so that I could try once more, and thankfully it was your daughter who gave me the pep talk I needed.” Sebastian chuckled. “She really loves you, Kimi. And I am one lucky bastard that she likes me enough to approve of me.” He looked proud of himself.

Aina certainly had to be the best thing that had ever happened to him, Kimi was sure of it. “I’ll properly thank her when she comes back.” He whispered, imagining the ways that he could pamper her and shower her with his love. “Sometimes I am glad that she is as stubborn as a mule.”

Sebastian agreed and tugged Kimi closer to his side. “And I am fortunate that she never gives up.” He stole a kiss from Kimi’s lips, making him laugh softly. Then he recalled something. “Her birthday is close, isn’t it? When was it, the 26th?” He asked.

Kimi nodded. “Yes, she’ll be sixteen.” He told with a proud tilt of his head.

“I must get her a nice present then, as a thank you for letting me date her father.” Sebastian mischievously declared.

Kimi shook his head. “You really don’t have to do that, Seb…” He refused, but he was smiling, too.

“No, I will… She deserves the best.” Sebastian decided, letting go of Kimi’s hand and scooping up some snow from the ground. He already knew what he was going to get for her, sure that she was going to like it.  

A double date as VIPs in an upcoming grand prix was going to be fun.

He pressed the snow into a tight ball and turned back to find a guarded Kimi watching him warily before he threw the snow ball straight at the other man’s head, laughing at his perfect aim.

“Fight me!” He challenged.

Kimi shook his head to get rid of the snow, grinning at him while he pressed a larger ball in his hands. He closed in on Seb with a vengeance. “You’ll regret doing this!” He aimed well and hit the German right on the left side of his chest, causing him to make an exaggerated gesture as if he got shot from his heart.

“Ah! My poor little heart!” Seb fell on his knees, but was quick to make another ball and throw at the Finn.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Seb!” Kimi laughed at Sebastian’s antics and dodged a ball, throwing his own without missing a beat.

Sebastian dodged the next ball, too, shaking his head. “But you love me being dramatic and corny!” He smugly grinned even as he made more snow balls.

Kimi couldn't help but agree. “That, I do, yes!” And he threw another ball with quite a force.

Sebastian let Kimi hit him on the head and yelped as if he really got hurt.

That pained tone alerted Kimi and made him hesitate for a moment in his running only to find himself get hit under rapid fire as Sebastian’s laughter filled the silence.  

They played like that for a while, running and dodging snow balls like little kids and when Kimi got tired, he just let Sebastian have his victory.

He lied down on an untouched patch of snow and looked up at the darkening sky. His heart was happily thudding in his ribcage, his breath coming in large puffs in the cold air. Quickly, his field of vision got filled with a grinning German, who practically sat down on him with his knees on either side of his hips, his body looming over him.

Kimi smiled up at Sebastian, going lax, his arms uselessly resting beside him, his breathing rapid and face flushed a bit with exercise.

“You got me… I surrender.” He whispered breathlessly and tried to reach a hand up to the younger man's face. But that hand got caught in the German’s grasp as Sebastian took his other hand and brought them to his lips. He blew on the cold fingers, his eyes full of love. He warmed Kimi's hands up even though his hands were cold, too.

Kimi got acutely aware of the cold of the frozen ground under him and the sharp contrast of the younger man’s warm body that pressed him down. Heat invaded him when Sebastian got close enough to kiss him. Kimi held his breath, his lips tingling and parting in anticipation.

There was want and hesitation mixed in the German’s eyes and Kimi felt a shiver run down his whole body. He could neither speak, nor turn away or move, waiting for Sebastian to do something, anything; because their proximity and the forlorn love in the younger man's gaze were all driving him crazy. It was as if Sebastian wanted to do something, but couldn't find the enough courage for it.

Just when Kimi thought he could no longer take it and tried to get up a bit, Sebastian suddenly leaned in and kissed him sweetly, but too short to lead to anything, because the moment was gone and Sebastian smiled at him knowingly as he backed off.

In one powerful motion, Sebastian got them both up easily, disorienting Kimi a bit with his quickness. When their eyes met again, he was smiling softly at the Finn and tugged at his hand. “You are cold. I don’t want you to get ill. Let’s return.” He looked nonchalant as if nothing had happened and began walking again.

Kimi could only follow him, trembling slightly, silent and bewildered. His mind was still hazy with arousal, trying to understand what had just happened. He couldn’t help but wonder what would all these have led to, if they had been at home.

* * *

An hour later, Kimi was getting out of a hot bath after Sebastian had insisted him to take one to get warm quickly. Noises were coming from the kitchen and Kimi sauntered there, toweling his hair, wearing Sebastian’s clothes again.

Sebastian was cutting something on the board, wearing greenish blue jeans that suited him maybe too perfectly. He had a soft looking ice blue colored shirt on, its sleeves rolled up and a few buttons open at the collar. The German had a nice, thick belt on, his trim waist all too tempting for the Finn to not touch. Kimi wanted to hug him from behind and plant a kiss on his lips, but he stopped when he realized that the younger man also had taken a shower, his curls dark with the residue moisture and giving off a minty scent of shampoo.

They could have taken that shower together and maybe continue from where they had left off in the forest, but apparently Sebastian needed some space. It dampened Kimi's desire and mood when he thought that Sebastian was avoiding him. But he had a good amount of experience in situations like this, so, instead of feeling left out, Kimi chose to be reasonable and accepted the fact that couples couldn’t always be on the same page in matters of intimacy.

“Hello, gorgeous…” He greeted and kissed Sebastian on the cheek, leaning his back against the kitchen counter.

Sebastian smiled back at him and took a quick glance at Kimi, nodding in appreciation at the sight. “I’d say you are the gorgeous one here, not me.”

Kimi huffed good-naturedly, rolling his eyes at the compliment. “Not me, the clothes are… Don’t think I am not aware of how you have been giving me some designer clothes to make me look better since yesterday.”

Sebastian actually laughed at that, shaking his head. “You are completely wrong.” He told him in between his giggling. “You look good in everything.” He assured the Finn. “But I admit I wanted to see you in things probably a bit tighter than what you normally wear. Purely to appease my own personal visual pleasure…”

That put a bit of color on Kimi’s cheeks, immediately making him forget about his earlier disappointment. “So, then, do you like this?” He asked, stepping back and showing himself to the younger man with a playful glint in his eyes.

Seb bit on his lower lip, leaving the knife on the board, because his hand was shaking a little. He gave a once over to Kimi and tilted his head as if he gave it a passing grade. “Just as I had expected.” He answered enigmatically and turned around for the fridge. “I am making chicken breasts with mozzarella. Can you make us a salad?”

Surprised by the noncommittal answer given by Sebastian, Kimi felt a bit self-conscious and tugged at the hem of his v neck black t-shirt. He nervously scratched at his face and then sighed. “Of course…” He shrugged and let this one slide, too.

Together, they prepared their dinner, filling the kitchen with a nice and welcoming smell. They ate their food in a companionable silence, but what bothered Kimi was not how quiet the German was, but the way how Sebastian tried to look anywhere but at Kimi.

Kimi just sat back, wondering where this sudden change in the younger man’s behavior was going to take them. “Any plans for the night?” He asked, hoping that the two of them would just kick back together on a sofa and watch some movie or a show and cuddle. But Sebastian had an idea.

“You remember me telling you about my jukebox from the 80’s?” He seemed glad to have something to talk about. When Kimi nodded, he continued. “And my other cars?”

“Are they here?” Kimi got a bit excited despite himself.

“Yes, some of them.” Sebastian nodded proudly. “Would you like to take a look and maybe listen to some music, Mr. Engineer?”

Amused by the way Seb had addressed him, Kimi got up from his seat, carrying some used dishes to the kitchen sink. “I’d love to… But after I clean up here.” He intended to do the dishes.

Sebastian let him collect the plates and the cutlery. “You need help?”

Kimi shook his head and pushed the long sleeves of his t-shirt back. “You cooked. It is only fair that I clean up.” He reasoned, actually liking the fact that he had something to do. Even though he could see that there was a dishwasher located under the kitchen counter, he didn’t place the dishes there, preferring to wash them by hand.

“Where did you get that juke box, you never told me.” Kimi tried to carry on with their conversation, hoping that it would inspire Sebastian to talk more.

“Got it as a present for a grand prix win.” Seb recalled, his voice sounding wistful.

Kimi didn’t dare to ask when and where it was, guessing that it would sound rude to not know much about Seb’s career. He vowed to read about it all when he’d return back home. “It’s nice to get what you’d enjoy having… But such a precise present, actually...”

“Yeah…” Sebastian agreed, his voice sounding a bit breathless, but Kimi seemed too focused on his work to notice. He wasn’t aware how Sebastian was watching him with the same hunger he had in his eyes during their moment in the forest. “When you talk endlessly about the oldies during a sponsor work, they get a pretty good idea of what to gift you.”

Kimi chuckled at that, taking a glance at him over his shoulder with a big smile on his face. “Cars and oldies and good movies… So how else can someone make you happy?”

Sebastian bit on his lower lip at the sight of that smile, leaning back and closing his eyes to stop himself from getting back to Kimi's side and drape himself all over him. “I am actually quite an easy man to please.” He rubbed a hand over his curls, mussing them up, his mind providing him with ideas. “Make a guess...”

Kimi shrugged, completely oblivious to the double meaning of the younger man's words. Pursing his lips in thought, he looked back at Sebastian again. “A go kart session? A ticket to a concert? A signed album?” He began rinsing the dishes.

Sebastian loved and hated how unassuming and cluless Kimi was about his effect on him. “They all sound good enough…” He agreed when all he wanted was just to have the Finn.

Kimi made a thumbs up gesture. “Thank you for the tips.”

“That was sneaky.” Sebastian protested. “You should give me some tips about you, too.”

 _Fair enough_ , Kimi thought. “Karting is nice, and good food, a picnic maybe, I don't like crowded places…” He shrugged, thinking that they actually knew very little about each other, especially him. “Where were you born, Seb?” He asked, deciding that it was a good time to learn more.

Sebastian smiled, momentarily distracted by the out of the blue question. “Heppenheim, why?”

“Just because…” Kimi shrugged again. “And I was born in Espoo. What is your favorite food?” He continued.

Sebastian’s smile turned into soft laughter. “Mozarella and tomatoes in olive oil with some ciabatta bread…”

Kimi laughed, too. “So specific… You like Italian food?”

“Yeah, but who doesn’t? And considering that I sell Italian food for a living...” Seb snorted and then added a bit solemnly. “My dream was to race for Ferrari someday…” He confessed.

This time, easily catching the edgy tone in the other man’s voice, Kimi did not pursue that answer. “Salad for me, then.” He steered back to their topic. “Favorite color?”

“Red.”

“I like black.” Kimi set the last piece of clean cutlery on the draining rack and took a towel to dry his hands. “What would you have done with your life if you had no talent in driving?” He wondered.

Seb came eye to eye with the other male as Kimi leaned back against the counter again, looking genuinely curious. He gave it a serious thought. “I guess I would have been a mechanic or engineer like you. I love cars too much; I wouldn’t have done anything that didn’t involve them somehow.” Sebastian answered honestly and then stood up with a curious look in his eyes. “Why are you asking me things that you can easily learn from the internet, Kimi?”

Kimi shook his head. “I wanted to hear them from you. Is it bad?” He approached Sebastian, trying to understand what he was thinking.

“No… It's alright.” Seb took Kimi’s hand and led him downstairs. He gave a gentle squeeze to the hand in his grasp before letting go and opening the door connecting the house with the garage.

An impressed smile spread on Kimi's lips at the sight that greeted him. This was a heaven for a mechanic. The garage covered the whole area that the house in the second storey was built upon, thus, it was quite spacious. Its walls were pristine white, lined with Ferrari red cupboards filled with professional equipment. There was a large metallic grey fridge, a TV mounted on a wall, a black leather couch for lounging, an empty worktop and sleek cars lining up one side. There was even a lift on a corner, holding up a Volkswagen Touareg currently.

Kimi walked around, inspecting the cars. Sebastian's 599 was parked close to the entrance, followed by a cherry red California T, a rosso corsa F430, and a white Infinity FX limited edition.

Yesterday, he had been too out of it to take a look around himself when they had arrived, but now that he had the chance, Kimi couldn't help but touch them all, his engineer heart completely conquered by the beauty of them. “These are all so perfect.” He complimented and looked back at Sebastian.

Sebastian's eyes were on Kimi. “Yes, perfect…” He agreed, but he was talking about something else entirely. “Would you like to take a look at them?” He asked to distract himself.

“The Cali T…” Kimi chose and Sebastian threw him the keys of it.

“I knew you'd want to see that first.” Seb chuckled and walked back to the corner where the juke box stood. As he tinkered with the colorfully lighted machine, the Finn got into the California T and inspected its interiors.

Kimi ignited the engine and even gave some throttle to hear the roar of it. It sounded clean and nice. He got out and opened the hood, revealing the perfect engine inside. He bent forward, checking a few parts with his bare hands, completely unaware what kind of a provocative view he was presenting to Sebastian.

Sebastian couldn't take his eyes away from the sight. The black t-shirt that Kimi wore was riding up and revealing his pale waist line, his dark blue jeans clinging to his legs and ass nicely. Seb wanted to just go there, push that shirt up and pull those jeans down and run his hands all over that exposed stomach and strong back, hold Kimi down from his narrow hips and thin wrists and have his way with him over the hood of the Ferrari.

Well, okay… This was getting out of hand really quickly for him. Sebastian quickly turned back and felt his head swim with arousal. He wanted Kimi too much. The need was burning him and he was ashamed to admit it, but he had been walking around the whole afternoon half hard. His desire had been brewing since their intimate moment in the forest, giving him ideas, urging him.

He sighed deeply and frowned at the controls of the jukebox, his mind not into it, because realization hit him then. Not just since the afternoon, no... He had been thinking about having the other man since last night. Constantly...

Of course, nothing was wrong with wanting to be intimate with your lover, but he didn't want to overwhelm Kimi right after he had told him about his scarring experience with a man he used to trust and Seb knew. He also wanted their first time to be memorable, not shadowed by the last night's talk. He wanted Kimi to feel good, special and loved, not just as somebody to be lusted after.

He groaned to himself, randomly choosing a song to have something to occupy his mind with. Music filled the garage, making Kimi turn to his way with a mischievous smile.

“Self control?” Kimi raised an eyebrow and wiped his hands on a piece of cloth.

Now, that song was what Sebastian would call as an irony, a complete mockery of his current predicament. He pursed his lips with an offended expression, yet he looked anything but that, making Kimi laugh some more at his dejected look. “I can change it if you want?” He offered, but Kimi shook his head.

“Leave it on. Her voice is nice.” Kimi turned to the cupboards, opening and closing some, inspecting the tools in them and took a few things with him. “Come here, Seb. Help me a bit.” He called the German closer. “This baby needs some fine tuning here.”

Sebastian sighed silently and steeled himself before he came closer and bent over the open hood like Kimi. The Finn showed him how to do it, tweaking with things surrounding the main engine block, doing things Seb wouldn't have dared to do on his own. Kimi talked him through it, completely in his element and immensely enjoying it.

“Why didn't you work in a high end garage? You could have used that Ferrari certificate, could you not?” Sebastian continued with their question game.

“You need to get periodical seminars and courses to keep that certificate, Seb. I didn't want to see Maranello ever again after all that shit.” Kimi held out his hand and pointed for a small tool.

Sebastian gave it to him and continued watching his work. He didn't want the conversation to take a weird turn even though he wanted to ask if Kimi would come with him when he'd manage to get a seat in Formula One again. But this was quite a delicate topic for the both of them now considering what he had found out last night. So Sebastian chose to sleep on it for another time.

“Don't be so glum. I didn't break your good girl here."

He came to himself at Kimi's joke, blinking. Kimi seemed to have finished with his work, rubbing at his hands with the cloth again.

They both straightened up and Kimi shut the hood, giving a good patting to the cherry red metal lovingly. “Don't worry, I didn't meddle much." Kimi assured again in amusement. "But you might want to take her for a look over.”

The joke flying over his head, Sebastian nodded, still thoughtful. “Want to see the Infinity, too?” He asked, walking over the said car and unlocked it.

Kimi tilted his head, seriously trying to understand why the German was practically avoiding getting close to him.

He didn't follow Seb. Instead, he walked over to the fridge and took a good look around. It was unsurprisingly chuckfull of German beer, chocolate, coke and a few bottles of whiskey and tequila. He decided that Seb needed some of these, so he searched around and found proper glasses in a nearby cupboard.

He got himself a can of coke. Then, he placed a small shot of tequila into a larger glass before filling it with beer. He took their drinks towards the white car and pushed the beer mug into Sebastian's hand, surprising him.

“Wow… A submarino?” Sebastian saw the upside down little glass in the larger one with a faint smile on his face and brought it to his lips only to stop himself before he'd take a sip.

Kimi was leaning against the empty work space near where the Infinity was parked, having already taken a huge gulp from his can. He raised an eyebrow at Seb when he saw him hesitating to drink. “Would you have preferred it without the tequila?” He feared he'd ruined the beer for the younger man, but Sebastian shook his head.

Seb had been sitting in the car with its door open, but he got out and placed the glass away. “I don't want to drink.” He shrugged.

Kimi sighed, leaving his coke aside, too. “Seb, you were about to drink it, but thought something and stopped. Don't try to fool me.” He raised an eyebrow.

Sebastian fidgetted with a few wrenches, the music fading away in his whirring thoughts. “I just thought better of it.” He replied dismissively.

“Better, as in? Are you being considerate because I used to drink? You know that's completely unnecessary.”

Sebastian's eyes widened at the misunderstanding. “No, that's not it… I just changed my mind.”

“Because of the calories?” Kimi knew that the German was on a driver's diet. He could tell that much from what he had eaten the whole day.

Sebastian shook his head again, unable to meet Kimi's eyes.

Kimi was painfully aware of the tension between them and he didn't know what to do about it. Should he leave the younger man alone? Should he press and prod further?

“Seb… I don't want to come across as annoying or meddlesome, so if you want to be alone, I can go back or…” He offered tentatively, stepping closer to the stairs to get back into the house. But Sebastian was immediately upon him, blocking his way and trapping him between the cupboards and his body.

Completely taken aback by the sudden movement, Kimi looked back at Sebastian with a perplexed expression. The younger man had a slightly panicked but also an indecisive expression on his face, neither making a move to touch him, nor letting him go.

Unable stand this strange stand off between them anymore, Kimi reached for Sebastian's face with both hands and when he touched him, Seb visibly shuddered at the contact, nuzzling at his hand. “Talk to me...” He encouraged.

Letting Kimi caress his face and hair, Sebastian confessed in a small voice. “I stopped myself, because I didn't want to get drunk.”

“Why?” Kimi whispered and got an answer completely different from what he was expecting.

“I… I wanted have a clear mind, a clear heart… Nothing to interfere with them.”

Sebastian finally looked at him properly and Kimi felt his whole breath leave his lungs, excitement filling in its place. He finally realized the reason behind the younger man's behavior. “Seb, you don't need to hold yourself back with me. I have already told you…”

“Yes… Yes, you have, Kimi…” Sebastian didn't let him finish his words. He stepped up and cornered him against the hard and cold surface behind him. “Told me things that drive me crazy with the want of you.”

Even though he felt hot all over at the admission, Kimi reined himself and searched Sebastian's eyes, his hands falling away from his face. Their proximity was excruciating, but he didn't dare to cross whatever little space was left between them, though he simply wanted to jump into the arms of the other man.

The song changed just then, giving the two of them a shiver with it's familiar intense melody. Kimi completely leaned his weight on the cupboards behind him as if he challenged Sebastian to come even closer than he already was.

“Why have you been avoiding me, Sebastian?” He whispered, careful to not touch the German, but stubbornly not moving an inch away, either.

Sebastian took a deep breath and exhaled it against Kimi's lips, his hands resting on the either side of him. “Because, I want to be a proper boyfriend and not rush things...” He confessed, his eyes shyly gazing back at Kimi's eyes.

Overcoming his initial surprise, Kimi smiled at his concern, finding it cute even. “Seb, you have been the perfect boyfriend since forever.” He laughed softly at the way Sebastian's eyes widened.

“And I am here with you willingly.” His words seemed to have reassured the other man, because he witnessed how tension slowly left the German's face. “All too willingly, actually.” That was quite embarrassing to admit. So, to cover that, he rolled his eyes at himself. “Because, I have been patiently waiting for you to show me how much you want me.”

At that, Sebastian laughed, too, finally realizing that he had been working himself up over nothing. “How did you manage to make this sound so simple?” He asked, finally wrapping his arms around the other man, resting his forehead against his and sighing in relief as if a burden had been hauled off of his shoulders.

Kimi shrugged, smiling. “It is simple… Because, we love each other.” He embraced Sebastian's warmth to himself, revelling at the feeling. “We are on the same page, Seb.” Leaning a bit away to look into the younger man's eyes, he turned more serious. “You can't imagine how good it makes me feel being with you…”

Genuine wonder and awe filled Sebastian and he swallowed at the sincerity and the depth of the emotions in Kimi's eyes. _“I love you, Kimi.”_ He whispered in German.

Kimi smiled mischievously at him, tilting his head a bit towards the jukebox as if he was giving his attention back to the song playing now. “Then do as she says…” He whispered back. “Take my breath away.”

Sebastian didn't need any more encouragement than those words. He tipped Kimi's chin up and kissed him.

What started as a gentle touch of their smiles slowly turned into something deeper when Kimi opened up and Sebastian angled the Finn's head from his chin to his liking.

Kimi tasted sweet and Seb licked at his lips and the tip of his tongue to get more of that taste. His hands found Kimi's waist and he pushed them under his t-shirt, grabbing at his hips. He massaged at a jutting hip bone with his thumb while the fingers of his other hand caressed Kimi's stomach and sides.

Kimi took a sharp breath at the feel of the demanding warm hands against his skin and it sounded so sexy and needy that Sebastian gently dragged his short nails across Kimi's skin, causing him to flinch at the sensation and make that sweet noise again.

Kimi could only cling to the younger man, letting him control the kiss however he wanted, liking how the kisses and the touches were getting rougher and needier by the second. When Sebastian leaned a bit away and their eyes met, Kimi saw that passionate look in his eyes again, swirling in the dark blue of their colour, breath taking and dangerous.

“Upstairs?” Seb asked and without waiting for an answer, he turned around and dragged Kimi from his hand back to the house, turning the music off on his way. Only then, Kimi realized how weak his knees had gone.

In the bedroom, Sebastian set the lights on low and took Kimi's both hands and led him to the bed, his expression soft but solemn.

Truth be told, Kimi felt nervousness spike in him, because it had been some years since he had last been in this position. Was the younger man going to find him awkward? He really hoped not and climbed onto the bed, crawling a bit to Sebastian who backed away until he was close to the head board.

“Come here, dearest.” Sebastian urged him, pulling him up to his knees on the soft bed. “Undress me.” He placed Kimi's hands on his collar.

Kimi could barely resist biting on his lower lip at the demand, obeying quickly. Sebastian's hands were moving over his neck, his hair, his arms, and back in a fleeting way, driving him crazy, because it was not enough. But two could play this game, because Kimi still remembered how Sebastian had reacted to his caresses.

He dragged his fingers over the German's heart, his left nipple immediately hardening. He undid botton after button, exposing the well toned chest. Tugging the shirt ends out of the jeans, he circled the belly button of the younger man, teasingly dipping his finger tip in before he leaned back to admire the view. He pushed the shirt away from Seb's shoulders and pressed small kisses on them. Licking a wet trail from the base of the younger man's neck upto his ear, he blew against the sensitive skin as he flicked at his hardened nipples. When Sebastian buckled at his touch a bit, he got rid of the shirt completely a bit forcefully.

Sebastian grinned and fell to the bed, his back resting against the headboard. He tugged Kimi with him, so the Finn had to straddle his thighs in a position that put him a bit above, parting his legs on either side of him.

“Though you look amazing in it, I want you to take that off, Kimi.” He began playing with the waist line of the low riding dark blue jeans while he watched Kimi do as he was told. The Finn's stomach stretched right before Sebastian's face with the motion, making him grit his teeth at the sight of the exposed pale flesh.

Kimi deliberately put on a show of undressing. He guessed that a little cheekiness wouldn't hurt, so he pulled up the t-shirt over his head in a snewy move like a snake, and then tossed it aside with a flourish, mussing up his hair by running a hand through it.

Watching the Finn without even blinking once, Sebastian grabbed at his ass with both hands and dragged him even closer as if in answer to his provocative display. He leaned in a bit and placed an open mouthed kiss on the unguarded skin of his stomach, licking at its smooth expanse as he massaged the round flesh under his hands. He ran his tongue around Kimi's belly button before he dipped into it with the tip of his tongue, mimicking what Kimi had done to him. The sharp intake of breath right above his head spurred him on and Kimi tried to jerk away a bit, but Sebastian didn't let him get away.

Kimi couldn't help but close his eyes at the strangely pleasurable sensation, biting on his lip to stay silent. He fleetingly got amazed at the strength of the younger man for being able to keep him in place, finding the idea sexy. “Seb…” He breathed in a small voice and Sebastian was quick to raise his head, this time going for a nipple as he slowly undid his jeans. When Sebastian's teeth grazed against his sensitized flesh in a bit of a painful but mostly arousing way, Kimi's breath hitched and he leaned his head on top of Sebastian's.

Reaching out to the night stand on his side of the bed, Sebastian quickly took out a tube of lube and some condoms before he pushed Kimi's jeans down enough to reach inside and get his cock out. That actually had the Finn let out a shaky moan right beside his ear, the hands caressing his shoulders and neck trembling slightly.

He leaned away again, forcing Kimi to hold onto him. When the Finn caught his eyes again, he leaned back further, smiling in a wicked way and making Kimi instinctively follow him. “Show me how you kiss me, Kimi.” He tilted his head back challengingly as he coated his fingers with a good amount of lube and warmed it up.

Kimi was all too happy to comply. He raised his hips a bit to create room for the younger man, knowing what was coming. And what better way was there to distract himself from it other than kissing? He captured the German's lips with his roughly. He bit on the plump lower lip a bit and then sucked on it to soothe the sting.

Sebastian didn't mind the pain as it spiked his need more and he had a good control over himself, because he had to loosen up Kimi first. He wrapped one hand around Kimi's cock, stroking the length of it languidly a few times before he swiped his thumb over the head.

Kimi couldn't believe how hard he was. He began shivering at the way Sebastian's hand played with him and when warm and slick fingers teased at his entrance, his breath hitched and he stopped his kiss involuntarily.

Seeing his effect on the Finn, Sebastian urged him with a knowing smile. “Go on, Kimi…Don't stop.”

Kimi tried to kiss him again, but Sebastian's finger entered him just then and his other hand worked him in a few maddening strokes. Kimi shut his eyes and choked on a gasp at the warring sensations, leaning his forehead against Sebastian's. “Slow down, Seb…” His voice sounded raspy.

“Hurts?”

“No... Too good…” Kimi whined.

At his answer, Sebastian shook his head with a smirk. “Then, you know I won't, dearest.” He murmured, watching Kimi's concentrated frown and licking his lips at the sight. “How I wish I had a cock ring…” He lamented.

Kimi actually found it in himself to chuckle, distracted from the intense pleasure momentarily. “Next time, Sebby…” He promised lightly.

“Yeah, next time…” Sebastian growled lowly in his throat at the idea, making Kimi find his gaze again. He chose that moment to put another finger in and saw Kimi flinch a bit. He stopped. “Painful?” He was ready to take his fingers away, but Kimi shook his head.

“Uncomfortable… It has been so long…” He confessed, embarrassed.

Sebastian eyed him in disbelief, his arousal amounting. “You had no one since… since him?” He couldn't believe it. “Not even a casual thing?”

Kimi shook his head again, averting his eyes, thinking that Sebastian had found it weird. “I can't have sex unless I have feelings for my partner. And I was vary of getting close to anyone.” Kimi explained, trying to make himself smaller in the other man's hold as if this was something to be ashamed of.

When the Finn's cheeks colored with something other than arousal, Sebastian leaned in and placed a kiss on his lips. “Thank you for choosing to love me…” He whispered. “For accepting me into your heart, for sharing yourself with me.” And when Kimi's eyes found his again, he kissed him properly this time, unaware how happy his words had made the other man.

Even though this was like his first time ever, Kimi tried to relax as best as he could and pushed himself down on Sebastian's fingers and whispered him to go on. The third finger burned a bit, but Sebastian was kissing his chest and teasing his cock in a steady rhythm and he forgot the sting of it quickly. When he unconsciously began to rock against the fingers, to get more of their lenght into him, Sebastian withdrew them. It felt strange, hot and cold at the same time and Kimi shakily breathed to contain the need to whimper.

“Get rid of these for me, Kimi.” Sebastian asked again and Kimi moved a bit away and unbuckled the German's belt. He undid the large button with his trembling hands, making Sebastian hiss at the contact when he pulled the zipper down against his hardness.

Kimi tried to touch him, but Sebastian gently stopped his hands, not needing anymore stimulation than he’d already got. He had leaked a lot and knew that he wasn't going to last long, but he had no intention to stop unless Kimi didn't want to go on.

“Let's get you out of these.” He lowered the Finn down and rolled him onto his back. After helping him out of the jeans and the boxers, Sebastian took of his pants, too, never breaking eye contact with him. He climbed back onto the bed and pushed Kimi's legs apart, settling between them.

The intimacy of the position left Kimi with nerves again, but thankfully, Seb was quick to lean on him and cover his body with his own, embracing him. Sebastian kissed the spot right over his heart and then nuzzled into the crook of his neck. His beard scratched against the thin and sensitive skin there, giving him goose bumps all over his body.

“Cold?” Sebastian whispered into his ear at the way he shivered. “I’ll make you so hot…” The promise was followed by a mouthing on his neck, hard enough to make Kimi squirm under him in pleasure.

Sebastian grinded down on him a few times, rubbing their cocks together, before he abruptly leaned back.

Kimi watched him tear open a condom and roll it onto his length before he used quite a bit of lube to make it easier for Kimi. He placed Kimi’s right leg to his shoulder and held the other under his knee. He pressed on gently and slowly, making Kimi’s back arch from the bed as the Finn tried his best to open up further.

Sebastian observed Kimi’s reactions closely in fear of hurting him and turning this into a horrible memory for the two of them. Kimi was trying to breathe evenly and relax as Sebastian pushed in inch by inch, patient and loving.

When Kimi felt he had managed to take the younger man in completely, he also realized that Sebastian had shut his eyes tightly in deep concentration to not move before Kimi would say so. There was a frown on his face and he was biting on his lower lip, his neck and chest were flushed becomingly. He was taking measured breaths and he looked so young like this with a longer bit from his hair sticking on the sheen sweat of his forehead. Kimi’s heart swelled at the sight and he pushed his hips down a bit.

Sebastian’s eyes snapped open at the movement, his irises looking almost black with arousal. When Kimi nodded at him, he moved, too. The friction was too much even though the condom dulled some of it. Kimi’s insides were tight in an almost painful way, so he knew that this might also feel painful for him, too. Slowly, he gave short and shallow thrusts until he felt Kimi loosen a bit around him. He caressed the Finn’s stomach and sides lovingly in an attempt to calm him down, because Kimi’s breathing was getting faster.

“Hush, baby…” He leaned in again, placing small kisses on the other man’s lips as he tried to time their breathing to his thrusts, but Kimi couldn’t…

It was too much and Kimi felt himself going crazy at his sensitivity. His back arched again and he was gasping at Sebastian’s every thrust. Now the younger man was pulling out nearly all of his length and pushing back in swiftly, each time making it feel like he was entering him for the first time. Kimi was getting dazed and his eyes were blurring at the intensity of the sensations and Sebastian was not even touching him.

Sebastian felt the moment Kimi began clenching around him and realized that his orgasm was close, but he wanted the Finn to melt more and get desperate for his release. He held the base of Kimi’s cock, wrenching a choked sob from his lips. Kimi tried to close his mouth with his hand, but Sebastian took it away, too. He pressed that hand right beside Kimi’s head, intertwining their fingers and taking support from it.

A single tear drop rolled down from Kimi’s eye and Sebastian licked at it hungrily. “Not yet, Kimi… Not yet…” He shook his head and bent Kimi's body more with the push of his hips and continued thrusting into him.

Kimi held onto Sebastian with his free hand and leaned a bit up, searching for his lips. “Kiss…” He demanded, his eyes wet and dazed, his legs shaking. It was as if he was stuck in a stretched out and excruciating moment, one step away from completion, but also too far away from it to endure. His lower belly was on fire in a good way and the pleasure just refused to reach to a peak, becoming almost painful.

“Please, just, let me…” He pleaded with a small voice and his lips got sealed by the German who couldn’t find it in himself to watch him fall apart like this anymore and took his hand away.

Kimi came almost instantly, breaking their kiss and crying out despite himself, his body tensing up and jerking at the strength of his orgasm. He sobbed against Sebastian’s lips heavily, his mind only able to register how the younger man was still moving and rocking him in a soothing way.

He opened his eyes and saw Sebastian panting above him, but the look in his eyes were the same, the same hunger, the same need and passion as if he hadn’t come at all, which very well might have been the case, because the younger man was still as hard as he had been when he had first entered him.

“Didn’t come?” Kimi asked tentatively and a self deprecating, embarrassed expression claimed Sebastian’s features.

“Oh, I did… I certainly did.” Sebastian smiled nervously. “But it wasn’t enough…” He whispered, his hips still moving slightly. The way the Finn’s eyes widened at him made him bite on his lip and avert his eyes, but Kimi quickly tipped his chin up, his ice blue gaze serious.

“Want me again?” Kimi asked, and there was no judgment, no hesitation in him.

The frown settled back on Sebastian’s brows and he nodded. “Please…” He breathed against Kimi’s lips. “Please, let me one more time…”

Kimi was deeply touched and flattered to see that the younger man was this vulnerable and needy with him. Though the soreness of their first time was slowly settling in, he couldn’t help but nod faintly at the beautiful request. “Then, do as you wish.” He smiled.

Sebastian looked amazed at his words and he kissed him before getting out of him. He surprised Kimi by turning him around onto his front, making goose flesh appear on the Finn’s skin all over.

“When we were parted, I saw a dream.” Sebastian whispered behind him, right into his ear. Kimi pulled his arms close and tried to prop his upper body up a bit, but Sebastian gently prevented him from getting up. Warm hands massaged his sides and back and Kimi felt a pair of lips right behind his neck.

“You were in that dream, we were together.” Sebastian continued and began trailing kisses down Kimi’s spine as he got rid of the used condom and rolled a new one on his length. When both of his hands were free, he helped Kimi get his hips up from the bed, pulling him up with one hand on his stomach, but laying his weight on him, making him feel how his skin was burning for the other man.

“I was taking you.” He sounded both wistful and breathless. “Like this, from behind… Embracing you to my chest, feeling you tremble against me.” His kisses turned to small nips, his teeth gently worrying a patch of skin under Kimi’s left shoulder blade.

Kimi had never known how sensitive his back was until Sebastian decided to mouth at the skin there. Every touch, every little nip and suckling reawakened his desire. As Sebastian’s low voice continued telling him what he had done to him in his dream, it ignited a deep passion in Kimi, making him tremble all over with the headyness of it, readying him again.

The German’s hands were running across his stomach and playing with a nipple as he teased Kimi with the tip of his cock. “You were so good to me, Kimi… So good, just like you are now…” And Sebastian entered him easily in one swift thrust.

The unexpected move tore a deep groan from Kimi's throat, the sudden stretch and the fullness of his insides making him breathe in whimpers, giving him continuous shivers. He tried to hold onto the bed sheets, but his upper body got dragged by the force of Sebastian’s hold. All he could do was to feel, their position and the way Sebastian angled his thrusts letting the younger man hit his sweet spot even better than before.

Sebastian started to move in earnest this time, powerful and fast, reaching around for Kimi’s cock. When he found it hard, he felt elated, knowing that this was also feeling good for the other man. “When I woke up, I couldn’t think of anything else other than you.” He sounded forlorn, dejected even. “Saw you behind my eyelids when I would close them, heard you when there was nothing left but my own voice…” He leaned down again and pressed kisses to Kimi’s back, stroking him with one hand and caressing wherever he could reach with the other.

“I love you.” He whispered when he felt Kimi clench around him again and he doubled his efforts in hitting him in the right spot and stroking him in time with his thrusts.

It wasn’t long before Kimi came again, crying out hoarsely at the amount of sensations that Sebastian had managed to pull out of him, sensitive all over in a raw and almost  painful way.

Thankfully, Sebastian had caught on it and stopped touching him, letting him ride out his orgasm. The sound of Kimi's breathless gasps and the sweet sensation of the rhythmic clenching around him brought Seb to his climax shortly after and he finally found a sense of completion and peace in himself.

After taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down, he carefully turned Kimi over to his back and brushed his hair away from his forehead, searching his glazed eyes. “Are you alright? Did I go overboard?” He asked, kissing the back of his hand.

Kimi blinked back at him dreamily, out of breath, dazed with pleasure and overwhelmed with emotion. “I love you, too, Seb.” He murmured, swallowing at the lump in his throat. “Thank you for showing me what a wonderful thing this feeling is.” He scooted closer and embraced the German, settling against his warmth.

“What is...?” Sebastian asked curiously, not understanding what Kimi meant. He melted into the Finn’s arms and the answer brought tears to his eyes.

“Loving you is…”

_TBC…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first song which played on Sebastian's jukebox was Self Control by Laura Branigan, and the second one is Take My Breath Away by Berlin.


	11. Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

Kimi woke up to an armful of Sebastian peering up at him with a completely besotted smile. He leaned a bit away to see the younger man better and smiled back. “Good morning, Seb.” He murmured groggily and shifted around a bit only to finally feel the soreness that radiated from the bottom of his spine up to his whole body. He winced at the pain and tried to relax.

“Are you alright? Does it hurt?” Sebastian was quick to worry, reaching out to him.

Kimi let the other man caress his side and back to comfort him. “Nothing I can't handle, but you’ll have to be a good boy for a few days, I'm afraid.” He chuckled at the look of fake disappointment on Sebastian's face.

“I'll be anything for you, you know that, right?” Sebastian sobered up. “But, really… You okay?” He feared that Kimi was just glossing over his pain to accommodate him.

Catching on that fear, Kimi nodded. “Seb, if I couldn't take it, I would have told you so, because I know you'd stop. I'm alright, just a bit sore. You were as gentle as it could have been.” Then, a mischievous smile appeared on his face. “It was quite hot actually… Especially that little bit about your wet dream.” He raised an eyebrow in amusement at the embarrassed expression spreading on the younger man's face. “You have an imaginative mind.”

Sebastian could only duck his head and groan at the way Kimi was teasing him. “I knew I should have kept my mouth shut.” He lamented, but it was apparent that he wasn't serious.

“No… I like your voice.” Kimi assured. “I like it when you whisper to me. Your voice is gentle and really sexy…” He looked at the younger man shyly even as he smiled.

Sebastian laughed giddily at the Finn and leaned in with a sly grin before drawling into Kimi's ear. “You really want to drive me crazy, don't you?”

Kimi chuckled and rubbed at the goose flesh that appeared on his arms. “I hope you are aware that the feeling goes both ways.” He sighed contently and snuggled with the younger man.

Sebastian let Kimi stay like that for awhile, massaging his scalp with his finger tips and kissing him on his forehead. But they needed to get up soon because Seb had plans for the day. “How about we take a shower together?” He offered. “Then we can have breakfast out and maybe go somewhere and have some fun?”

That perked up Kimi's interest. “You'll wash my back?” He asked with a boyish mischievousness and made Sebastian laugh.

“Of course…”

Within an hour, they were clean, warmly dressed and in the white Infinity. It was already noon as  Sebastian drove them to the renowned race track on the other side of the city, where DTM and Superbike races were periodically held other than some small scale national events.

When Kimi realized where they were, he doubted that it was actually a very good idea. But Sebastian seemed excited to be here, so Kimi decided to just keep an eye on anything that might be triggery for the younger man.

“There is a nice cafe in the hospitality area, let's get something to eat there.” Sebastian led him into the large service building, right in front of the main tribune. The cafe he mentioned was situated above the garages, essentially being the main part of the paddock. Kimi wondered if Sebastian was a frequenter here, because he seemed to know the layout of the facility by heart.

Kimi's question got answered when the owner of the establishment personally greeted the German and showed them to the best seats available. As the other men made small talk, Kimi took a look around.

They were seated close to the balcony overlooking the pit lane and surprisingly, even though it wasn't a very warm afternoon, there were quite a number of people present.

Sebastian caught his interest by explaining what was going on. “There will be a bike race soon and then a go kart race at four, though none of them are official.”

Kimi's eyes widened. “It has been some time since I watched a karting race.”

Sebastian leaned back in his seat smugly. “I hope you still have some of that racer left in you, because we'll join the race, too.” He declared.

That put a wide grin on Kimi's lips. “Awesome…” He commended and rubbed his hands together in excitement.

Their orders were brought in and they ate their hearty meal together, inspecting the information pamphlets of the race track and the cars offered by the facility.

“I used to have a kart with similar specs to this one.” Sebastian pointed at the picture of a vehicle with a fond smile.

“What number was it?”

“Thirty-three.”

Kimi smiledd silently. “You won't believe me, but my kart was a number thirty-three, too.”

Sebastian was amused by the coincidence. “How many wins did you have?” He asked and from then on their talk took a turn to their karting achievements.

“I still keep the cups and the prizes at home.” Kimi said offhandedly, but regretted it immediately when he remembered how there was not even a trace of Sebastian's career as a driver neither at his home in the city nor at the loft. He really wanted to talk about this with the younger man, but apparently Sebastian didn't want to comment on it, changing the subject.

“Ever rode a racing bike?” Seb looked on at the garages and saw the racers slowly taking their spots with their beautiful bikes in tow.

Kimi shrugged. “Not the same thing, but I used to go to motocross whenever I could get the chance.”

“Really?” Seb's eyes practically shone with excitement. “I have a few bikes at my other place. We can go out on a date with them when the spring comes. If you want?”

It sounded like a great idea, so Kimi nodded, accepting the suggestion. “But you have to find us good track for it.”

“Of course…” Sebastian drank the last dregs of his coffee and led Kimi to the balcony. There, they watched the bike race, the loud roar of the engines entertaining them for a good while even though there wasn't much sun out.

Sebastian enthusiastically talked about the bikes, Kimi listening to him attentively, pulling up information with his phone from the internet on the models the German gushed about.

Watching Sebastian talk about the races was a strange experience. He seemed so alive, so in his element that even a fool could see how much he wanted to race again. But strangely enough, he wasn't following the conversation whenever Kimi would mention things about formula one cars or compare them to other car races the two of them were familiar with. Sebastian was just steering the conversation away to wherever he pleased, feeding Kimi's suspicion about if there being more to the German's avoidance of the subject other than his traumatic experience. Because, he looked totally fine at the idea of getting into the karts and racing within the hour.

After a while, they were taken to a briefing about the track together with the other participants of the karting race and Kimi pushed that thought aside, listening to the tips given about the break points and the apexes of the curves of the track.

Now, this part was the one both Kimi and Sebastian enjoyed the most. They were introduced to the garage, shown to their karts and was let out to make a formation lap from the pit lane to the starting point and Kimi could hear Sebastian’s laughter on the way even over the sound of the engines.

They took their position, eight more racers lining up on the grid on either side of them, waiting for the start.

Normally, Kimi wouldn't take things like this seriously, but this time, he decided to rekindle that passion in him and give his best, because everyone around him seemed quite focused even though they were about to race for the fun of it. Thus, it hadn't been hard for him to get right behind Sebastian with two people racing close to him.

Sebastian also had someone tailing him, and the five of them got away from the rest of the group, staying in close proximity.

Surprisingly, he and Seb weren't the only talented racers in their group, probably because they were frequenters of the circuit.

Kimi took the third place after two laps, but then the grey skies began to leave some light rain upon the track, making the cold asphalt slippery.

The guy behind Sebastian lost a bit of control in a wide curve and drove the kart onto the curb which understandably threw him to the gravel trap.

Kimi could see the driver was fine and he smiled; now he was in the second place. But one of his followers was quite close and apparently wanted the second place really too much.

Even though Kimi drove safely and not risked his own well being over something that should be fun and not an actual competition, the other racer made a big mistake in a really sharp corner.

As they approached the apex of a left turn, the person behind Kimi tried to break late in hopes of overtaking him from the inside, but touched Kimi's left wheel at the back and caused him to spin out of the track.

Unfortunately, the other racer had chosen the worst spot to make his move, because the escape pool was small and there was the tire barrier immediately on the outside of the corner as it was probably not expected from the racers to drive their opponents to the right side of the curve, instead of the left, where the apex was.

There wasn't much Kimi could do about his eventual slamming right into the barrier other than reflexively trying to cover for his body and head with his arms.

The impact was harsh, but at least he was lucky enough to not have the other racer crush into him from behind as the other person also got thrown into the barrier right beside him, but in a slower pace.

Kimi groaned at the sharp pain that shot up in his right arm to his elbow, but other than some disorientation and a possible impact bruise on his upper arm he was fine.

He detangled himself from his seat and got up, stumbling a bit until the other racer rushed to his side and began apologizing profusely for his mistake, asking him if he was alright, if he needed help.

Kimi let the other man steady him and looked around, realizing that they induced quite the damage to the tire barrier and were lucky that the both of them seemed to be fine.

He let out a deep sigh and took off his helmet, feeling thankful that they had been properly suited up for this. Otherwise, they would have sustained quite a number of scratches and bruises due to their accident.

Kimi waited around a bit for someone to come and take them back to the pit lane, aware that the technical crew had been watching them from the on board cameras.

Finally, two crew members came to get them with their motorbikes and Kimi worried his lip about what to do and say after Sebastian would see the accident.

It had been right before the last lap of the race and Sebastian had been ahead of them by a margin, so he couldn't have seen the accident when it had happened. Kimi grimaced at the pain and felt sick at how the German might react.

He wished he shouldn't have said that he'd like to go karting as a date idea. He decided to act normal to not panic the younger man, because he really felt normal except for the burn of the forming bruise on his arm.

He got off from the bike and assured the safety crew of his wellbeing, telling them that he didn’t need medical care other than maybe a quick check on his arm. He refused their offer to get inside and go under a quick examination, preferring to wait for the end of the race to not scare Sebastian with his disappearance.

Sebastian finished the race first and when he saw Kimi waiting for him around with members from the track safety crew, he immediately panicked, jumping out of his kart and running to him.

“Hey, hey… Slow down, Seb…” Kimi smiled at him reassuringly to show him that everything was alright, but the German was having none of it.

“What happened? Was that your kart in the wall?” He practically tore his helmet off his head, reaching out for him in worry before a female crew member stopped him.

“An accident happened in the second to last corner and we have to check him over, Sir, but he wanted to wait around for you.” The young woman explained and instead of calming Sebastian down, her words did the opposite.

“You alright? How? Oh, god! I shouldn’t have brought you here! I shouldn’t…” Sebastian’s eyes were wide with panic, regret, and self hatred, his hands trembling as he reached out for Kimi’s face, still talking frantically.

Kimi hated to see all those emotions in the younger man’s eyes, fearing that he might get triggered by what had happened to him. “I am alright, Seb.” He told him firmly, letting the other man hold his face. He leaned in and touched their foreheads, closing his hands over Sebastian’s. “Nothing to worry about, okay?” He murmured and held the worried gaze before him with conviction in his own eyes.

Sebastian was feeling sick with worry, but the calm and assured way Kimi acted settled some of his fears down a bit. “What happened, Kimi?”

Kimi leaned a bit back, aware that a lot of people were watching their exchange. He decided that he didn’t care. “The driver behind me caused both of us to spin into the barrier. Nothing major… I am alright as you can see. Now, let them check me over so we can get rid of these wet suits, okay?”

Sebastian looked skeptical and still worried, but he let him go eventually.

Kimi was taken into the medical bay of the facility and thankfully they didn’t let Seb into the room. The doctor checked him over quickly and they had an x-ray of his arm as a precaution. Thankfully, nothing was damaged, so the doctor bandaged his arm after applying medicine over the forming bruise.

Kimi asked the doctor to not tell about it to Sebastian, explaining the younger man’s situation, and the other man respected his wish.

He quickly got changed and hid his bandage under his long sleeved t-shirt. When he got out of the locker rooms, Sebastian was talking to a track marshall. Kimi approached them with a smile to prove that he was alright and sincerely hoped that Sebastian wasn't asking the marshall to see the footage of his crash.

“Thank you for informing me.” Sebastian was saying as he shook the hand of the personnel and Kimi barely kept himself from frowning in question. He didn't want to give the other man any more reason to worry.

When they were alone, Sebastian looked back at him from head to toe and then hugged him fiercely to himself. Kimi let him have his moment, hugging the German with equal fervor. “I am alright, Seb… Please, no more worrying…” He whispered to him, relaxing into their embrace.

“You could have gotten seriously hurt… You could have… I am a fool; I am the biggest fool…” Sebastian's voice was muffled, but he sounded so broken that Kimi couldn't take it.

“I said I liked karting and you wanted us to have a good time. And I had a good time, Seb. The danger is always there and for everyone. It could have been you, too… But we are fine… So, let's just forget about it and enjoy our evening…” He buried his face into the crook of the younger man's neck and stayed like that for a little while.

Finally when Sebastian leaned back away from him, he was better, more in control of his emotions and more at ease. “Dinner?” He asked and Kimi nodded.

“Where was that little Italian pizzeria you talked about some time ago?” Kimi raised his eyebrows and smiled a bit as if asking if it was alright to go there and Sebastian sighed at the sight, his heart beat finally settling down.

“Let’s go, Kimi.” He turned around and tugged the Finn from his bruised hand, luckily not seeing how Kimi winced.

When they left the circuit, the sun had already set and the sky was in a beautiful color. Sebastian was taking covert glances at Kimi, but Kimi seemed to be simply enjoying the ride, watching the red sky and the first stars twinkling in the east horizon. “How do you feel?” He asked tentatively and Kimi’s eyes turned to him. There was a soft and relaxed expression on his face and that put a small smile on Sebastian’s lips, too.

“I am all good. Stop worrying, Seb.” Kimi reclined back into his passenger seat and returned back to watching the sky, feeling his eyes going heavier by the second. It was warm and so comfortable in the car and Sebastian was driving so effortlessly and smoothly that it lulled him to sleep despite himself.

When he opened his eyes again, they were back in the city and half an hour had passed. He grimaced at how the pain of his crash had settled in his limbs and body, feeling beaten up all over and groggy. “Sorry, didn’t mean to fall asleep…” He mumbled and looked at Sebastian who was parking the car and shaking his head at him.

“You needed that nap… Feeling any better?”

Kimi snorted. “Wish I had stayed awake, I feel a bit more tired than necessary.” He made light of his situation. “Being old is a tough job, Seb.” He chuckled at himself and unbuckled, getting out of the car to clear his head a bit.

Sebastian followed after him and cautiously watched Kimi’s every move. He nodded towards a narrow street and took Kimi to the little restaurant and they ate quite a bit from everything. The old owner of the place knew Sebastian and asked him in Italian if Kimi was his boyfriend.

Kimi, not understanding what they were talking about, got completely bewildered in an utterly cute way when Sebastian all but smacked their lips together right in front of the other guests and the workers of the pizzeria and got a round of applause and some wolf whistling as a reward for his daring act.

Kimi wasn’t used to this kind of public shows of affection, so he asked in a shy and embarrassed way. “Why did you do that?”

“Did that put you off?” Sebastian really hoped it wasn’t the case as the Finn seemed to be a private person.

Kimi shook his head, scratching a spot on his cheek nervously. “No… Just not used to it…” He confessed.

Sebastian reached out and held his hand before kissing the back of it. “They asked if you were my boyfriend and I demonstrated to them. But if you don’t want it, I understand…” He offered, but Kimi shook his head.

“No… It was nice.”

That made Sebastian happy. “The owner was just making fun of me saying that I could never manage to land a cutie like you, because apparently he thinks you are above my level.” He grinned.

Kimi laughed out loud at that. “That is cruel, and sorry but also hilarious...” Kimi managed to utter between his chuckles.

“Yeah, laugh at my ugly face, why don’t you?” Sebastian laughed, too, clearly joking, but that sobered Kimi up.

“Ugly?” He raised both eyebrows with disbelief. “Seb, you are handsome and don’t make me say embarrassing shit before these many people.” He averted his eyes, playing with the food before him, but Sebastian was already on his case. The German sat up straighter and leaned a bit forward with a naughty smile and asked in a low voice.

“I am handsome, huh? That's good to hear. But what caught your fancy about me? Go on, tell me…” He demanded.

The younger man was playing with him, Kimi knew that, but he’d do anything to take Seb’s mind away from his accident, so he humored him. “Your eyes…” He mumbled and Seb raised an eyebrow to show his interest. “So blue… Like the morning sky…”

“And?” Seb prompted, their knees touching under the table.

Kimi took a shy glance at him and shrugged. “Your lips… You do all these sexy little things with them, pouting when you think hard, licking at them, biting on them, making them go redder than they already are…”

Sebastian leaned back to his chair, closing a hand over his mouth. “Oh, god, stop… Okay, just stop, you win!” He declared, completely turned on.

Kimi looked back at him smugly, tilting his head back a bit. “No… You asked for it, let me continue…” He dared. “I like that beard of yours, the rough way it rubs against my skin. And your hair… So soft when I run my fingers through it. Your skin is so smooth and your scent is even on these clothes that I am wearing now… It feels as if I am being constantly embraced by you. ”

Enjoying how he had completely destroyed Sebastian, Kimi leaned back, too, and drank from his juice in a show of victory. “Would you like to hear more, Sebby?” He asked with a naughty grin.

Sebastian was still smiling at him in a dreamy way, apparently trying to come up with something witty to say, but he was beaten at his own game. He shook his head and swallowed. “I am going to get back at you for this soon, just so you know.” He promised, but Kimi was immune to it.

“Bring it on…” He challenged.

After their dinner, they walked around the city sometime with two cups of coffee in their hands, just to get some exercise in. Sebastian held Kimi’s free hand as they strolled around and gave a squeeze at it frequently as if he was making sure that Kimi was with him, that Kimi was safe.

Kimi could sense the tenseness in the German, hoping that he’d forget about the day as soon as possible. Sebastian was refusing to open up to him further about his fears and trauma, so Kimi thought that it was better to wait for the moment when the younger man would feel more comfortable and secure about it.

He offered to drive  them back to Sebastian’s loft and it provided some more amusement for the two of them as Kimi got a bit lost on the way. Finally, when they had reached home, it was close to ten and they were both tired.

Kimi didn’t want to change his button up t-shirt right before the other man, as changing somewhere else would look weird, so he just got into the sweat pants Sebastian gave him, pretending that he was feeling too lazy to bother to change. He got in to the bed and when Sebastian joined him, he took him in his arms and let him rest his head on his shoulder, caressing his hair with his injured arm.

Sebastian burrowed to his side, draping his arm over Kimi’s stomach and hugged him into a half embrace. “Sorry for today, Kimi…” He murmured into the darkness and Kimi’s fingers stilled in his hair for a second before they commenced their soothing motion.

“Today was marvelous, Seb, as is every moment spent with you.” Kimi murmured back and tangled their legs under the warm covers. “Sleep… I am here with you.” He urged and petted the German’s hair gently until he felt Sebastian’s breathing even out.

When he deemed that the other man was sound asleep, Kimi surrendered to his own sore and tired body and fell asleep, too. But he woke up to a trashing and sobbing Sebastian.

Normally, he was a heavy sleeper and some noise or movement wouldn't easily rouse him, but the unmistakable call of his name in that crying voice immediately woke him up.

At first, he thought Sebastian was awake and calling for him, but when his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, he realized that the younger man was having a nightmare and sobbing. His legs were weakly kicking at something against the bed and he was trying to reach out for something. His body was in continuous motion as the content of his nightmare possibly turned more disturbing.

Kimi gently shook him from his shoulder as he sat up on the bed. He called his name, telling him that he was here, that it was alright, but Sebastian trashed harder and let out a really tormented moan before he reached out to him and screamed his name.

Sebastian opened his eyes with his whole existence wired in pain and panic, because he had seen his own accident again, but this time, the person under the helmet with the mangled body was Kimi. Still in the clutches of that horror, he couldn't see who was above him in the dark through his tears, his mind still unable catch up with the fact that the nightmare was gone and this was the real world.

“No! No, don't! No!” He blabbered non-stop, panic blinding him, and he grabbed onto the wrists of the dark shadow above him in fear, as if he was trying to stop whoever this was.

Kimi realized it too late that he should have given some space to the younger man when Sebastian got a vice like grip right on his bruised arm and he couldn't help but let out a small scream at the raw pain. He gritted his teeth to stop himself from making any more sound, but it was impossible. “Seb, please let me go… Stop.” He moaned at the pain of the fingers digging into his flesh and only then Sebastian seemed to wake up for real.

“Kimi?” Seb asked with a pitifully small voice, letting the other man go and sitting up on the bed. Even in the dark, he could see how the other man was gently cradling his right arm to his chest and something snapped in him at the sight. “Show me…” He demanded, his voice hoarse.

Kimi cursed himself and leaned a bit back, shaking his head. He tried to smile and reassure the other man, but Sebastian was having none of it.

“Show me, Kimi.” He told him a bit louder than before and when Kimi shook his head again, he took the Finn's hand and firmly held it until he could push the sleeve back and find the bandage under it.

“What is this?” He choked on a sob and Kimi was quick to try and explain to him.

“Nothing… Just a bruise, Seb… It doesn't even hurt unless I touch it…” Kimi felt miserable at the pain of the younger man. “I am so sorry for adding to your troubles, Seb… I am really sorry.”

Sebastian shook his head, shiny tear drops falling onto the bed from his face. “Why are you apologizing when I'm the one who hurt you?” He furiously rubbed his hands at his face and cried like a little kid.

There were tears in Kimi's eyes, too, when he gathered Sebastian into his arms. He securely held the younger man against his chest and gently rocked him as Seb continued crying into the crook of his neck. He rubbed at the trembling shoulders and put small kisses on the side of Sebastian's head, murmuring soothingly into his ear.

“It's alright… I've got you, Seb… You are safe with me…”

After quite some time, Sebastian was calm again, his body sagging in Kimi's hold. “I… I have been seeing the same nightmare since the accident.” He whispered, his voice could barely be heard. “Since I met you, I had stopped seeing it, but… But this time… It was you in the car… I… I know I am just overreacting, but I can't help it. I am sorry for being this way...”

Kimi tightened his hold momentarily and shook his head. “It’s not your fault, Seb. Don't apologize. Never apologize because of this…”

“But we could have avoided this.” Sebastian protested, still blaming himself.

It had been hard to endure witnessing the other man's pain, it was even worse when Sebastian blamed himself for everything. Kimi leaned a bit back and tilted the German's head up so that he could show him how much he believed into what he was about to say. “We wanted to have fun, we couldn't have foreseen this, and anything can happen to the either of us any time, Seb… We can't shut ourselves in and run away from the world and call it a life, can we? We'll just be more careful from now on. Please, don't do this to yourself, don't blame yourself.” He pressed a kiss on Seb's lips and dried his wet cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt.

Sebastian just let him take care of him, basking in the attention given by the Finn. He couldn't stop himself from clinging to him, couldn't take his hands away. He just wanted Kimi close, as close as possible, because the physical connection calmed him down and cemented the reality that Kimi was here, that Kimi was alright.

He nosed at Kimi's neck, pulling his t-shirt down from the collar to expose more skin. He felt Kimi shiver against him when he kissed the Finn's neck wetly, his tongue licking at the sensitive part close to his jaw.

Kimi sucked in a sharp breath when Sebastian's hands went inside his shirt, his fingers splaying over his sides and caressing him so gently that the feather like touches brought new tears to Kimi's eyes. “Seb?” He asked, unsure if this was really a good idea.

“Want you…” Sebastian whispered into his ear, gritting his teeth at his own neediness. “Need to feel you, Kimi…” He pressed open mouthed kisses on the shell of the Finn's ear, making him shiver all over as he slowly pushed him down back to the bed.

Kimi couldn't resist when Sebastian took his bruised arm and placed it above his head, as if to keep it away from the harm's way and climbed on top of him. Seb leaned in and touched their foreheads together, whispering against Kimi's lips. “You won't use that hand, okay?” He looked into Kimi's eyes and when he saw him nod, he claimed the Finn's lips hungrily, his eyes still open.

Kimi gasped at the sheer amount of want that the younger man managed to put into the kiss, holding onto him with only one hand.

Sebastian wanted to delve into the sweetness of the other's mouth, so he pried those lips and jaw open further with his fingers gently, until Kimi relented and pliantly let him have a taste. He tipped the Finn's head up and tugged at the collar of his t-thirt, the soft material easily yielding to his pull with the string of buttons at the front popping open right down to Kimi's middle, revealing his chest where Sebastian immediately turned his attention to.  

Kimi tensed when the hands on him began to grab at him increasingly more firmly by the second. His head swam at the way the German handled him as if he was trying to make sure that he didn't have any more bruises or injuries in other parts of his body.

Sebastian's breathing was ragged and Kimi wanted to pull him up to himself and touch him with both hands, but knew that this was more about feeling each other than about having sex. Yet, something felt off, something felt rushed and Kimi didn't want what should be an expression of love for the two of them to turn into an outlet for desperation and a tool for forgetting about their scars. This wasn't the way to deal with things, but how was he going to tell Sebastian that?

Sebastian was licking and mouthing at Kimi's left nipple and at where he could feel his heart beat against his chest, kissing the spot right above it reverently. He put two fingers of his hand into his mouth and wetted them as best as he could, before he pulled Kimi's sweatpants and boxers down. He went down on the Finn so suddenly and deeply that he tore a small scream from Kimi's lips.

Kimi trashed a bit at the overwhelming pleasure, but Sebastian was holding him down by swinging an arm across his lower belly, the hand of which was fondling his length wherever his mouth didn't reach.

“Seb, slow down… Seb… Too fast...” Kimi's back was lifting up from the bed as if he was trying to get away, so Sebastian slowed down and then took his mouth off Kimi completely. Instead, he gave long licks at the hard lenght, sucking at where he thought was the most sensitive parts were.

Kimi was trembling and squirming on the bed sheets, hiding his eyes behind his bandaged arm, breathless. The long sleeved shirt was clinging beautifully to him, dark blue nicely contrasting against the paleness of his skin. He was alive and glowing under his hands and mouth and it gave an inexplicable sense of assurance to Sebastian. Kimi seemed to be ready and if he was, so was Seb. He leaned back only long enough to take a condom out of the nightstand.

Kimi opened his eyes at the cold feeling of a condom being rolled on his cock and Sebastian straddling his legs. It completely threw him off, because he had been under the impression that he was the one being prepped. He tried to get up and stop the other male, but Sebastian positioned himself over him and tried to take him in.

“Seb! What are you doing? Seb? You aren't even ready!” He pushed the younger man away when he saw the painful grimace on his face, because no, Sebastian wasn't ready even though apparently he had tried to loosen himself up while he had been distracting Kimi with his hasty blow job. “Stop it! You’ll hurt yourself!”

“Doesn't matter if it hurts!” Sebastian tried to continue even at the cost of hurting himself, and that hit Kimi in a strange spot within his chest.

In the blink of an eye, Kimi manhandled Sebastian onto the bed and flipped their positions, getting above the younger man and looking down at him with stern eyes. “But it matters to me, okay?” He berated in a low voice, ready to give him a piece of his mind about pulling something like this on him, but Sebastian was looking up at him in a completely stupefied and awed expression.

Seb blinked a few times as if trying to clear up his daze, then his eyebrows shot up in genuine wonder. “You really are strong…” He murmured, now acutely aware of the hands holding him down from his arm and chest.

Kimi sighed, tilting his head in a bit of annoyance, but mostly with fond exasperation. “Yes, genius…” He muttered. “I am not unbreakable, but I'm not weak either, Seb… I am older than you, I have been through a lot, but I managed to survive. And I plan to do so in the future. So, stop worrying about me, and please just stop spouting shit like it is okay even if it hurts… It is not…” He shook his head and took his hands away, giving Sebastian the choice to get up if he wanted, but the other man stayed there, still looking up at him with wonder filled eyes.

“Can't you see that the sentiment goes both ways?” Kimi asked. “I want us to make love, not use this as a form of dealing with our problems… I don't want you to associate our love making to your fears and doubts and the hurts here.” He touched Sebastian's chest. “I want you to hold onto the beauty of it, not let it go sour.” He leaned in and kissed the German sweetly. “What we have isn’t to cover up our scars, but to heal them, remember?”

When he looked back at him, Sebastian was tearfully nodding and biting on his lip.

“I am a fool…” Seb declared for the umpteenth time today, but he was also able to find it in himself to smile again when Kimi proudly announced back.

“Maybe so, but you're my fool…” The Finn chuckled before sobering up again. “Now, do you want to continue or do you think tomorrow is better?”

Sebastian made a strange sound between a chuckle and a sob before he wiped away the wetness of his eyes. “If your arm won't give you much trouble?” He made it into a question, shyly gazing back at Kimi.

Kimi shook his head and tilted his chin, caging Sebastian between his arms. He initiated a sweet kiss at first to calm him down, then kissed him the way the younger man liked with an open mouth.

He rocked slowly between the the younger man's legs, their arousals returning to their full hardness with the friction, but it wasn't enough. He broke their kiss and helped Sebastian out of his shirt and pants. Just as he was getting rid of his own shirt, Sebastian stopped him, caressing his chest and shoulder from the opening of the long collar.

“Keep it on, it looks so sexy…” He murmured, and then hid his face behind his hands.

Kimi chuckled at his embarrassment. “So you like some cleavage?” He took Sebastian's hands away from his face and placed them back on his body. “Use the opportunity well, then.” He winked, before finding the lube bottle.

Sebastian could only look back at him in genuine awe and love in his eyes, wondering how this man was able to turn something awful to this beautiful and light feeling. Try as he might, Sebastian couldn't fathom the size of the heart the other man had for being able to be this way. He felt tears prickle his eyes again, so he just did as he was told and reached up to Kimi, kissing and touching every little patch of skin he could reach. He didn't even feel the first finger that entered him.

Kimi kept him busy with his kisses and caresses until he felt that Sebastian was ready. He let Sebastian decide their position and the German simply pulled him up to himself, needing to see him and embrace him as Kimi would take him.

Kimi was careful, but also firm in his hold, knowing that Sebastian needed to feel him completely. He gathered both of the younger man's legs, his arms hooking under the knees, and he pushed in deeply thanks to their position.

Sebastian was breathless, his body bent under Kimi's hard warmth, completely covered and protected as he hugged him with his arms and legs at the same time. _“Love you so much…”_ He couldn't help but whisper in German. _“Love you, Kimi… I love you…”_ And Kimi leaned a bit back and kissed him deeply.

Their movements were a bit uncoordinated and without much rhythm, but in the end, it wasn't about the act as much as it was about the emotions. They both didn't last long and Kimi made sure that Sebastian came first. He watched him trying to muffle his gasps with his hand, eyes shut in deep concentration as little sexy noises escaped his lips at Kimi's every trust.

The sight pushed Kimi over the edge, too, and as he came down from his own high, he cradled Sebastian's head with both his arms and breathed against the crook of the younger man's neck.

Sebastian hugged him with shaky arms and listened to him with a huge smile on his face as Kimi whispered his love for him in Finnish.

It took some time, but when Sebastian was finally asleep again, Kimi lay there awake, hugging the German from behind.

Even in the darkness he could see the operation wounds at the back of Sebastian's neck and he could trace them on his lower back to his left hip, knowing that there were others on the side of his left leg. He placed a soft kiss on the nearest scar tissue and pulled the covers around the younger man more securely. Sebastian sighed contently in his sleep and relaxed even more as Kimi continued touching him as gently as he could to not wake him.

They needed to talk about a lot of things, it was evident, but Kimi didn't know if Sebastian was ever going to be ready for this. Or him...

* * *

It was a pure coincidence that Fernando had been standing beside the high windows of the living room when he heard the distinct low growl of an engine that could only belong to a sports car. His attention got immediately caught by the red Ferrari that stopped right in front of the small patch of garden belonging to the house.

Even though he easily figured out who were inside the Ferrari, his blood ran cold upon the sight of them. He fell back to a bit towards the wall side to hide and peeked out of the curtains and there they were.

Sebastian leaned to the passenger seat and tilted his head, obviously in want of a goodbye kiss and Kimi hesitated a bit, apparently vary of being seen. But even then, he gave in and smiled sweetly before he closed the gap between them and kissed the German on the lips.

Fernando growled lowly in his throat and stepped away from the windows and took his seat back. A deep frown appeared on his face and he bit on his lower lip. Unable to settle his irritation, he shot to his feet and went into the kitchen where Aina was pouring the coffee she had prepared into small nice cups.

“I was about to bring them in…” Aina smiled up at him with a question in her eyes.

Fernando shrugged. “Let me take the tray.” He offered and together, they went back in to the living room. Just a few seconds after they sat back with their coffee, the front door opened and Kimi entered. Fernando had parked his Mercedes behind the house, close to the side of the garage, so Kimi had to have realized that they were back when he had seen their shoes in the entrance, calling their daughter’s name.

Aina sprang to her feet even before Kimi had called out for her. “Dad, I’m home!” She rushed to the Finn, jumping into his embrace as soon as Kimi appeared in the doorway of the room. He looked a bit surprised, but otherwise just seemed to be coming back from a walk.

After years of practicing his poker face, appearing nonchalant was not very hard for Kimi, but he really was surprised by the person he had found at his home, and not in a good way. “Welcome back, dear.” He caressed Aina’s hair and shoulder before letting go of her. He nodded his head at Fernando in greeting and got a neutral look and a wave of a hand in return.

“I made coffee. Would you like some?” Aina took his coat and beanie from him and disappeared into the hall without waiting for an answer.

Kimi stood there awkwardly for a moment as if he was the guest before he walked in and took a seat. He kept up with his careful show of apathy at the presence of the other man, because Fernando was sizing him up again as if he was about to say something. But, contrary to Kimi’s expectation, the Spaniard stayed silent and amicable, throwing Kimi a bit off.

Thankfully, the silence was interrupted by their daughter. Aina returned with a fresh cup of coffee and handed it to Kimi, trying to choose and sit at a spot where she could see both their faces. She looked between them and there was this soft wistful look on her face that appeared whenever she hoped that her parents would interact normally like they would use to in the past.

Kimi could never see that hope crushed even though he was the last person on earth to strike a conversation with someone he didn’t want to talk anymore than necessary.

“Thank you for bringing her back early.” He mumbled in his monotone, sipping at his coffee.

Shrugging, Fernando appeared unassuming. “We didn’t know you’d be out, so I wanted to accompany her until you’d be back.” He baited.

In all honesty, Kimi didn’t want to see Fernando right after spending three wonderful days with Sebastian, but the Spaniard’s presence was welcomed by Aina and Kimi could never deny her this moment if it was her wish. “I was out with a friend.” He explained as if it was an afterthought.

Of course, Fernando knew better. He could guess that Kimi had been together with his lover at god-knew-where, experiencing a getaway of sorts thanks to Aina’s intervention and planning. He could only guess how they had spent that time together, but thinking about it only gave him a heartburn, so he pushed the ugly thought back into a corner of his mind. Now there was his precious girl's birthday approaching soon and he wanted to talk about it.

“I am glad I have waited out for you, though, because I needed to talk to you, Kimi.” He put the coffee cup away and caught the attentions of both Aina and Kimi.

“I’ll have to be in Bahrain on the 26th of March, so I want to celebrate Aina's birthday on the 23rd if it's suitable for you, too?”

“Bahrain?” Kimi couldn't help but narrow his eyes in question.

It seemed Aina was hearing this for the first time, too, but understanding quickly dawned on her face even before Fernando explained it all for Kimi.

“I have been appointed as the Renault F1 team ambassador. I have some responsibilities that I am expected to perform for the team.”

Kimi saw the happy and excited look on Aina's face and desisted from asking more about it. “The 23rd is a Saturday, so it'll be alright.” He agreed. “Do you have anything on your mind?”

Fernando nodded and looked at Aina. The identical smiles appearing on the father and daughter's face was a sight to behold. Kimi watched the two of them; feeling like an outsider to the little world only the two of them could share. It was understandable, but hurtful nonetheless. Had Fernando been experiencing this, too?

“I was thinking about booking the resort in the forest; arranging a paint ball tournament for the afternoon, a dinner, and then a party with a DJ?” Fernando offered, his eyes twinkling at Aina's happiness.

It was so clear that Aina was trying to contain her joy for Kimi's sake. Recalling Fernando's words about how torn she had to be feeling between her parents, Kimi's mood soured further, but he consented. “If she wants, why not?”

Aina docilely nodded. “If it won't be much trouble…” She began, her eyes on Fernando, but Kimi cut her words.

“Of course, not. Because, Fernando and I will share the expenses, dear.”

Kimi's sensitivity upon the monetary subjects like this irritated Fernando. Finding it needless and a waste of time, he tried to protest, but Kimi had none of it, stopping him before he could even say a word.

“She is also my daughter and I am sure you have already given her a present…” He correctly guessed, because he knew of Fernando's character.

Seeing that her intervention was required, Aina smiled at the both of them. “It would make me happier if both of you were involved in the process?” She made it sound like a question and Fernando immediately got deflated.

“Okay, however you wish, princess…”

Kimi nodded, too, schooling his face into a neutral expression.

“Then, I'll call you during the week to sort things out. If it's alright?” Fernando turned his attention back to Kimi again with an expectant look in his eyes.

When was the last time the Spaniard had asked him of something nicely instead of forcing his own agenda down his throat, Kimi couldn't remember. Yet, just as Fernando had said a couple of days ago on the phone, Kimi was willing to brush aside his aversion of the situation at hand and keep in touch about it with Fernando. Because, this concerned their daughter. And then there was the matter of her university choices which required both of their utmost attention. He was going to call and talk to the Spaniard more frequently due to that anyway.

“It’s alright.” Kimi agreed. “I am expecting to hear from you.” He hoped that Fernando would take the hint now and leave, but he kept seated.

As if reading Kimi's mind and to spite him, the Spaniard held out his coffee cup. “Aina, can I have another of this, please? It's gone cold.” He smiled up at her and winked.

Aina was quick to comply, taking his and Kimi's cups away, telling them that she was going to make them all a new batch.

When she disappeared into the kitchen, Fernando leaned a bit forward in his seat, eyeing Kimi. “How have you been?” He asked in a small voice as if he was hesitant.

Eyes widening slightly at the unexpected question, Kimi regarded the other man with open disbelief written across his face. “I… I am fine.” He mumbled.

A derisive smile twisted Fernando's lips at the sight of the Finn's reaction. “What? Is it really so surprising that I ask you of your well being?” He seemed genuinely hurt.

Kimi didn’t know what brought about this mellower version of the other male, but he wasn’t going to fall for it. Assuming his neutral expression back, he shook his head. “Making small talk out of a need to be polite has never been an issue between the two of us, right?” He eyed the Spaniard, gauging his reaction. “We see each other for her sake, you make a jibe at me or at my looks, and you whisk her away… Then we rinse and repeat… Hasn’t it been like this for five years?”

The cold and matter of fact look in the Finn’s eyes was sharper than a knife. Fernando felt the resentment behind it in his bones. “But I am genuinely concerned. I know what happened on Thursday caused you quite the grief. I should have double checked it with her. Never happened before…” He spoke in a low voice. “I take responsibility there, but you should have immediately called me instead of waiting. Why did you wait anyway?”

As soon as Fernando asked the question, Kimi averted his eyes in a bit of a panicky haste, color draining from his face. It was enough to give him away, even though some other person wouldn’t even recognize the difference. Fernando new Kimi since their childhood and he could read him like an open book.

“You thought she had been kidnapped, didn't you? And if it really had been the case, then I would get notified.”  Fernando realized this just then. “You thought I would use that to take her away from you…” He correctly guessed, his eyes widening at the incredulous idea.

Kimi balled his fists on his lap and resisted swallowing heavily. He didn’t want Fernando to see how much his words disturbed him, so he stayed put and did not answer.

Now understanding the real reason behind Kimi’s outburst on the phone, Fernando sighed and leaned back, his shoulders sagging in defeat. “Wow… You see me that much of a scum?” He sounded genuinely surprised.

Kimi took a quick glance at the other man’s dark brown eyes and steeled himself. “I still remember how hard you tried to take her away during her custody trials, Fernando. You certainly have left a precise impression of what you are capable of doing.”

The Spaniard's rebuttal was instant and firm. “No, Kimi… I wouldn’t do that to you.” He narrowed his eyes down at him. “I wouldn't take her away even though you’ve made your choice and all of us are living the consequences of it, especially Aina.” He stood up, not wanting to stay any longer. “I would never make her go through the same shit again and tear her away from you, unlike what you have done to me.”

That angered Kimi and he stood up, too. He stepped up closer to Fernando and looked in his eyes as if daring him to contradict him. “Let me remind you that you were the one who had forced me to make that choice, Fernando.” He berated, irritated and tired of everything.

There were too many things that Fernando could have said and Kimi would have shrugged off as his typical arrogance, but the other man took a few steps closer, too, and bit on his lower lip as if he wanted to stop himself from saying his next words.

“Always the right one…” He echoed his own words from their talk on the phone and sighed deeply, reaching out a hand. “Yes, I did all that to you…” He leaned in a bit, his eyes dark but gentle, filled with something akin to remorse. He caressed the side of Kimi’s face with the back of his fingers, watching the Finn's eyes widen and lips part in bewilderment. “I wish there was a time machine lying around somewhere here.” A smile full of self-deprecation spread across his lips, and when Kimi fell a step back away from his touch as if he got burned by it, he turned around and left the room.

Kimi could only stare after him, rooted on the spot. He didn’t even register when Fernando said his goodbye to Aina and how disappointed she sounded upon his sudden leave. He sat down at his earlier seat and rubbed a hand at his cheek where Fernando had touched almost lovingly and wistfully just a few seconds ago. His mind couldn’t catch up with the strange and mixed signals the Spaniard had given him and there was no time to make sense of them as Aina came back in with a pout she couldn’t hide.

“Did he say something to annoy you again?” Aina knew her fathers too well. She sat down near Kimi, her smile was gone.

“No, dear… He just got up and told me that he had to leave.” He lied and rubbed a hand at his face to hide his confused expression. But Aina knew better.

She observed him carefully with a sad expression. “Dad, I know he said something… You look shaken.” Aina snuggled to him and hugged his side, resting her head on his left shoulder.

Kimi hugged her back firmly and rested his chin on her head before kissing the crown of it. He didn't want to lie again, but he also didn't know how to talk about this with her. “Nothing for you to worry yourself about, dear.” He caressed her hair.

“If it will inconvenience you or make you uncomfortable, I don't want….”

“No, I won't let this flop.” Kimi stopped her and sat up straighter, tugging her up, too. When he could see her eyes again, he reassured her. “If it is about you, it can never inconvenience me or bother me, Aina. Fernando and I will make this happen and you'll love it.”

Aina searched his eyes silently for a while, her expression neutral, but Kimi was aware that he could never fool her. Finally, she nodded tentatively, but it was clear that she was simply letting this slide for the moment. Kimi really did need to talk to her and sort out their feelings. Glossing over them or ignoring them weren't doing them any good.

Aina's expression slowly melted into one of mischief and she grinned at him. “So… How was your little trip to the wilderness?”

Amused, Kimi snorted at her question. “A wilderness so wild that it's only half an hour away from here, huh?”

“Dad…” She laughed at his dismissive attitude and hugged him again. “But for real… Was it good, did you enjoy it?” She repeated her question a bit shyly.

Kimi nodded, the happiness Sebastian had instilled in him returning. “Yes, it was really good.” He murmured. “I haven't been happy this much in a while.” He admitted, a bit embarrassed.

He wasn't aware, but that made Aina's eyes go wide and put a large smile on her face. She was silently congratulating herself for accomplishing her plan successfully; completely unaware of what kind of a chain reaction her actions had created. “I'm so happy for you, dad.” She nuzzled her face into his shoulder and made Kimi chuckle.

“What happened to your new batch of coffee, then?” Kimi reminded as an afterthought and that caused Aina to jump onto her feet, running to the kitchen with a comical cry of _'I completely forgot about it!’_

Kimi shook his head at her groans and fake sobbing, smiling at her antics. He doubted that if given the chance Fernando would have missed the opportunity to take her away in the past, but he was certain that her presence had always been what had anchored him. He was forever grateful for the day he had first taken her in his arms and for the good fortune that let him be beside her as she grew up.

There was this deep guilt that also reminded him that he had taken the same opportunity away from Fernando's hands by divorcing him, but he squashed it and followed Aina into the kitchen.

They were living through the consequences of their choices, yes. And Fernando had been the first one who had made a choice, not Kimi. And unfortunately, every choice had a repercussion, good or bad.

Some people simply needed to accept that.

-

_TBC..._


	12. It's A Sin

If asked about why he had cheated on Kimi the first time, Fernando couldn't give a clear answer to that.

He could blame the alcohol he had taken after that particularly nasty DNF. He could blame his need to take out his frustration on something as his chances in the championship dwindled race after race. He could say that he needed to feel alive again after he had crashed his car right into the barriers. He could make up a lot of excuses for falling into bed with the first warm body that had caught his fancy in the bar, but something had distinctly stood out in the memory of that Sunday night.

Kimi hadn't been there to ease his fears and pain and Fernando had resented him for it greatly then.

From a neutral point of view, Kimi hadn’t been the one to blame. Deep down inside, Fernando knew that, too, but couldn't accept it in his need to shift half of the blame of his own actions onto him.

Even if he'd wanted to, Kimi couldn't have been there with Fernando during most of the grand prix weekends, because then they had been living in Italy and Kimi had been a full time employee of the Maranello.

Even then, even when Kimi had used to come with him when Aina was small, Fernando didn't let him into his side of the garage and didn't let him wear his colors, because he didn’t want to be asked questions by the press about who Kimi and Aina were. The Finn and their daughter would stay in the paddock club, on the balcony right over Fernando's garage and watch everything from there as if they were total strangers.

The paddock club was the best treatment one could get and Fernando had never fully understood why Kimi hated it. Really, what was there to dislike about it when they'd got to be together during the weekend, even though in different rooms, and Aina could watch him drive that red car live instead of on TV…

In his own twisted reasoning, Fernando had every right to keep his secrecy about his sexual orientation and keep Kimi and Aina away from the media's prying eyes. But he had never openly appreciated the way how Kimi had put up with all of this for his and Aina's sake.

After some time, Kimi had refused to accompany him anymore even when the factory permitted him to go with Fernando during the summer races. Fernando had wanted him there, but not as his husband that he could show everyone and get strength and support from him openly.

He had never realized that what he needed had never been Kimi exclusively. Kimi had been simply there as something to take comfort from. Because, if Fernando had desired just _somebody_ to forget his scars and drown his pain and hurt in, then _anybody_ would be enough for him. And this had quickly proven itself to be the case once Fernando had gotten the taste of conquering new bodies after staying monogamous for all his adolescence and young adulthood.

The guilt of cheating on Kimi had worn off gradually and eventually got replaced by the addictive taste of lies after lies and bodies after bodies.

His fear of coming out publicly, his secrecy about his sexuality had slowly destroyed their relationship, but he had been blind to it, he still was. And maybe because of that, with a clear conscience, he was able to put some of the blame on Kimi for refusing to be there for him when he needed the comfort while his career had been falling apart around him. From that point on, it had been downhill for him both in his career and his personal life until Kimi had figured out his infidelity and distanced himself from him completely. And strangely enough, Kimi's rejection of him, of his money, of everything that they had built up together during all those years, had automatically elevated him to the level of unconquerable and untouchable.

Even when Fernando had tried to put Kimi down in the past by using his age or his looks, he had always found him attractive, had always desired him maybe even more and more as the years went by. The Finn had that uniquely distant and icy countenance that begged to be cracked. He had been a challenge since the day one, even making him smile had been a challenge for Fernando. Keeping Kimi's interest at peak, always managing to be the one in the focus of those green blue eyes were all like small thrills that had kept Fernando going. He was the only one who could make him laugh heartily, he was the only one who could melt him and he was the only one who could bask in Kimi's generous, undivided love. And he had foolishly taken all that for granted, but when he had lost them, it had practically put Kimi on a pedestal of sorts where even he could no longer reach.

It had been fine with him, knowing that Kimi was there, alone but constant, even though Fernando could no longer call him his. But at least, no one else could approach the Finn, either. Yet, all of a sudden, there appeared this German, sauntering right into their lives and whisking Kimi away from right under Fernando's nose.

That wasn't going to happen, no… He wasn't going to let him have Kimi that easily when he had been denied of him for so long. Sebastian was a stranger barging in and Fernando was going to make sure that he would stay that way.

Currently, Fernando had his laptop open before him. He was going through the data provided by the driver-in-the-loop formula one simulator situated in Enstone. Their simulator was relatively new when it was compared to the Red Bull's and needed a lot of tweaks and adjustments to get to the same level with the Bull's.

Fernando had tested it quite a few times, but when the grand prix weekends would commence, he wasn't going to have enough time to do more runs.

Well, then, he smirked… What better way was there to raise the hopes of a certain German up other than offering him to be the one testing the simulator? There had been some talk about inviting Sebastian to the factory lately while he and Aina had been visiting, and Fernando had given his approval to the idea. He knew that a few people were going to hold a talk with the younger man for a protocol of sorts about being a permanent test driver. This was a good chance for Sebastian to prove his dedication to the team to get a contract for the next season. And Fernando wanted to be the one paving the way for him. He smirked at his notes again and opened up a new tab to send an e-mail to the team.

Since he was the driver consultant from now on, they should let him observe the progress of Sebastian, too, right?

Fernando felt thankful for his luck; because things couldn't have fallen into place this perfectly if he had been the one to arrange them with his own hands. This was going to be quite enjoyable.

He finished his e-mail and sighed, reclining back in his seat. He eyed his phone and pursed his lips a bit. Mark had to be still around in Britain and Fernando wondered if he was up for some gossip and maybe some fun. They had been friends since the early parts of their career as drivers and during his fell out with Kimi, Fernando had crossed that line and they'd become more than friends. But none of them had ever named what their on and off physical relationship actually was.

Now working as a member of the press in one of the most famous channels in the country, Mark lived close to him. So, when he called the Aussie, Mark was all too ready to meet up with him.

They were in a bar within a few hours and watching the busy downtown traffic from their high vantage point beside the large windows of the establishment.

“Ready for Melbourne?” Fernando asked, knowing that the other man was going to host the opening ceremony within a few days.

Mark shrugged, clearly excited. “Let’s hope that it won't be as cringe worthy as some people expect it to be.”

Fernando laughed, knowing how difficult and uncooperative some of the drivers were during the events like this. “Man, I feel for you.” He patted and squeezed Mark's shoulder and didn't miss how the taller man leaned into his touch.

“Will be a long week…” Mark sighed before he took a sip from his whiskey, but there was a soft smile on his face. “The first one without you as a driver…”

Fernando shook his head at the wistful look in Mark's eyes as if telling him there was nothing to do about it. “You are sad?” He raised an eyebrow, wanting to hear it from the Aussie's lips.

“Of course, I am.” Mark said softly in a small voice, but Fernando could hear him even above the Jazz music that filled the lounge. He leaned in a bit closer, playing with his own whiskey tumbler.

“You were the first one to leave, Mark. You could have stayed with me, could have been my teammate.” He reminded him, their knees touching under the table.

There wasn't any trace of accusation or blame on Fernando's face, but Mark was still sour about it. “I needed to beat that brat and put him in his place, you know… But he went ahead and stabbed his car into that wall, making it impossible for me. That unlucky sod… I lost all my drive after that.”

He was talking about Sebastian.

Fernando pursed his lips, shrugging. “Choices, choices, Mark… But I have good news for you since you seem to be unable to go on without me.” He joked, not realizing how his remark tensed and sobered the other man a bit.

“I have been appointed as the team ambassador and I bought fifteen percent of the team in my daughter's name. You'll get to see me almost every grand prix.”

Mark's eyes widened as he sat up straighter in bewilderment. “Being an ambassador I understand, but I didn't know you were serious about buying the shares.” He knew that there was a catch.

Fernando shrugged in a non-committal way. “Wanted to pave the way for Aina's future…”

“Yeah, come on…” Mark narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “What happened really?”

For a moment, Fernando stayed silent and brewed in his ire. He finished his glass and Mark poured him some more of the whiskey that sat on their table, waiting for him to talk.

“That hot shot German of yours is returning to the grid.” Fernando began and watched Mark frown at him deeply as he tried to make a connection. “Renault is interested in him for the next year…”

“And?” Mark seemed a bit offended at the idea that Fernando had seen value in the prospect of it. “You wanted to be there when he succeeds this time?”

Sensing how tense the taller male went, Fernando smiled knowingly. “Oh, for the love of… Are you jealous?”

That actually angered Mark. He turned a bit away from the Spaniard and backed into his seating, getting away from Fernando. “Jealous?” He snorted mirthlessly. “Hardly so when it's evident that he's going to use your team as a stepping stone to get a seat at Ferrari. What now, then? Have you suddenly realized he is fuckable? Why are you interested in him?” He asked, knowing that he was playing right into the hands of the other male, boosting his already inflated ego further.

Fernando shook his head, serious again. “Nothing like that, don't worry, Mark…” He assured with a derisive twist of his lips. “He'll eventually get into that red car, you are right… But he'll give back to our team more than a rookie could even dream of doing.” Then he laughed mirthlessly, bewildering Mark further.

“Oh, god… It's going to be so much fun!” He clapped Mark's shoulder again and leaned in. “Did you know who was that mysterious test driver of Renault in Spain?”

Understanding dawned on Mark's face. “But why the secrecy?” He couldn't fathom what was going on in the German's head.

Fernando waved his hand dismissively. “Because he is still a big wuss… Probably thought that if he'd fail or pancake the car on a wall, then his name wouldn't be attached to it.”

Mark took a huge gulp from his own glass. “Was he any good, then?”

“You bet he was… As if he'd never left…”

Mark's lips pursed down with a mix of respect and disdain. “And all these after it's been said he was afraid of even getting into a formula one car, huh? His tenacity is unparalleled, gotta give him that…”

Fernando had a good idea about where Sebastian's new found bravery was coming from. It had to have something to do with Kimi and he resented the idea. “He'll probably be testing the simulator in Enstone after Bahrain.” He told dispassionately and finished his new glass, too.

“Help me get a permission to interview him.” Mark knew when it was time to be professional. “In fact, I need to interview you, too… This will be the bomb!”

Fernando shook his head. “Sorry, but you can't get him… There is an agreement on confidentiality between all the parties involved and you know his lawyers… This talk is only between us and you can't write about my case, either, Mark. Sorry...”

Mark slapped the table top dramatically in righteous frustration. He looked amused and exasperated with the Spaniard at the same time. “Then why the hell have you told me about all this shit? Just to make me silently boil in my own curiosity?”

Fernando chuckled with a dangerous glint in his eyes. “No… It is for you to keep an eye on things… When his contract will be revealed, everyone will be shocked, but then you'll have the full story and everyone will just lay themselves at your feet for a bit of gossip and information… Imagine the amount of drama… It'll be fantastic, no?”

His sharp grin was merciless and even though Mark got excited by the possibilities, he knew that there was an underlying motivation behind all these seemingly perfect business moves Fernando had been making. “You are enjoying this way too much.” He pointed out, suspicious. “It is as if you see him as an enemy instead of a profitable pawn in this business…”

Fernando's eyes narrowed down and he downed another shot from his tumbler. “Only time will tell…” He raised an eyebrow enigmatically and then put a hand on Mark's leg. “You can interview me in Melbourne, but no asking about my shares in the team…”

Mark got painfully aware of the warmth of the hand that squeezed his knee. He shook his head at the other man ruefully. “Baiting me with hot gossip to meet you only to tell me that I can't talk about it, huh...” He complained. “That's cruel, Nando…”

Fernando's hand travelled up his leg and massaged the firmness of it meaningfully. When Mark looked back at Fernando with a question in his eyes, desire pooled in his groin unbidden at the look the Spaniard was giving him.

“Maybe I can make it up to you in a different way?” Fernando offered in a low drawl, his smile inviting and eyes dark with want.

Deeply rooted disappointment caused Mark to hesitate for a moment, but eventually he surrendered, sighing at his own weakness against the Spaniard. It was as if Fernando had an invisible leash in his hands with the other end of it twisted around Mark's neck. “Why can't I ever say no to you?” He mostly asked to himself, but Fernando smiled up at him with the confidence of a man who knew he was right.

“Because you love me…” The Spaniard declared smugly.

The reality hurt, because Mark was aware that Fernando had said that jokingly. He got up from his seat and led Fernando out of the establishment. There was a deep frown between his eyebrows and self hatred was evident on his face, knowing that this was going to be just another night of pleasure and forgetfulness for Fernando when it meant something deeper for Mark.

“Unfortunately, yes…” He mumbled, but Fernando didn't hear him.

* * *

Carl had never been a loud person in his entire short life, but today he really wanted to be one so that he could hide how disappointed he felt in himself.

He was sitting among his friends in the cafeteria of the school, his half eaten lunch cooling before him as he pretended to eat to keep his mouth shut.

His friends were all lamenting or complaining about their first midterm results with some of them even making fun of themselves to probably take away the edge of their sadness.

Aina was there, too, but she was silently eating her lunch and listening to their friends speculating about the second exams and the projects that they needed to submit soon.

Carl could tell that she was on observation mode now and he tried to act normal. He didn't want her to get worried about him, because he had totally screwed his maths exam up and a few of his other exams could have been absolutely better than how they turned out to be.

He didn't know how he was going to show his results to Sebastian. When he thought about how his uncle was going to try and hide his disappointment in him, Carl's stomach soured and he pushed his tray away with a grimace he couldn't hide.

That instantly caught Aina's attention. She reached out and touched his hand, urging him to look at her. She took her tray and when her eyes met with Carl's, she tilted her head a bit as if to call him outside.

Carl hesitated, but got up and followed her with his own tray. When they left the cafeteria, they went out and started walking side by side. The weather was nice for a change and the sun felt good against their skin. They walked like that around the school campus for some time, until Aina reached out again and took his hand.

Her warm touch finally brought Carl out of his dark musings and he turned his eyes to her, a smile breaking out on his face. He linked their fingers and brought up her hand to place a kiss at the back of it.

She snuggled to his side, but didn't say anything and Carl realized that her silent support gave him strength. “Seb will be sad.” He murmured and looked up at the sky unseeingly.

Thinking that it was her cue to talk, Aina asked. “Well, are you sad because you're not satisfied with your results or because you can't bear the thought of disappointing him?”

Carl shrugged with a self deprecating smile on his face. “I want to be an engineer… I can get my degree anywhere actually, but I want to be with you. That's a fact… As long as you want me…”

Aina bit on her lower lip, letting him continue.

“As long I can get to somewhere in the same city with you, it's enough for me. But Seb will feel inadequate then… He wants to see me at the best possible school and even though he never says this, he sees my failure as his own.”

Aina frowned at that, guessing that there had to be some reason under this. “Do you think he wants to see you successful at what you want to be in his stead, too?”

Carl snorted at that, shaking his head fondly. “That’s a big no for you there. He'll be successful in his own stead just fine, Aina. He is a bull headed fool, believe me… He has never given up on his dream.”

Aina couldn't help but remember what Kimi had told her about Sebastian before.

_‘He is greedy, not as openly aggressive about it as some others, but he wants the world.’_

“There are some other messy things going on about this all in his head that even I can't get him out of.” Carl shook his head at himself, thinking that he had said too much.

Aina's attention was perked, but going by the way how Carl had turned his head away to the other side, she didn't know if she should ask him about it at all.

The conversation tapered off just like that and Carl gave a gentle squeeze to her hand as his thanks. They spent their remaining recess time together and when it was afternoon and the classes were over, Carl went to see his football team captain.

Their PE teacher, who had also been their team coach since before Carl had enrolled to the school, was shocked when Carl informed him of his decision to drop out of the team.

Carl specifically requested his teacher to not inform Sebastian of this, telling him that he needed to focus on his studies more and if his uncle knew of his situation, that would sadden him greatly.

Carl's PE teacher Nico, nick named as Hulk by his students, accepted to stay silent about it with Carl's uncle, but it didn't mean that he was going to lose a really good player just like that. Carl was a frequent scorer in their team and he had the skill enough to even get a scholarship or benefit from the quota reserved for the athletes in a university. Why throw it away even before they'd try a different approach?

Nico quickly found the current and past exam results of Carl and saw that he had quite good grades, but apparently that wasn't enough for him or his uncle. His maths needed some polishing, along with a few of his other lessons.

Starting with Maths was the best idea, because Nico knew that Carl wanted to be an engineer and though his Maths teacher seemed a bit unapproachable, Nico had heard that he was well liked by his students.

He found Kimi in the teachers’ room, pouring over the notes he had taken about his last years. He sat down unceremoniously beside him, putting Carl's request form in front of the other man.

Kimi looked up from his work to find the taller German looming over him with a set jaw. “Yes, Nico?” He prompted and the younger man tapped at the paper before him.

“I have a player who is dropping out of the team because he thinks he sucks in your class.” Nico explained without any preamble. “I want him in the team and I'd love it if you could help me out here a bit.” He smiled tightly.

Kimi could have laughed at the absurdity of the way the younger teacher had approached him, but when he saw the name written on that form, he desisted.

“Carl wants to be out because he thinks he is failing?” It was a bit of a stretch. “He got only three questions wrong… Which is the fourth best in the school. Where does this come from?”

Nico eyed him a bit as if assessing whether he should tell him the rest or not. When Kimi raised a demanding eyebrow at him, he relented, leaning back in his chair. “He told me to not inform his uncle. I don't know what kind of expectations his uncle has of Carl, but the boy is giving up one of his passions here to get the other.”

Kimi frowned at the German's words. “I know his uncle personally; he is the last man who would put pressure on him like this, intentionally or not. In fact, he is quite lenient with him. And Carl can already get in half of his chosen universities with the results of his mock exams and grades here…” Then he remembered Sebastian telling him that Carl wanted to be able to enroll into the same school that Aina was aiming for. Was this the reason really? Or was it about how Sebastian didn't believe that Carl could do that?

“He can get a scholarship, you know…” Nico went on. “I know he doesn't need monetary aid with an uncle like that, but maybe he can get in a good university from their special quota reserved for the athletes…”

Kimi nodded. It was a possibility, but what did Carl actually want?

“Could you talk to him?” Nico asked with a charming smile. “They say you are quite popular with the students and you teach him this course, so…”

“I will.” Kimi agreed immediately. He owed the boy a lot. It was time for his turn. “Thanks for coming to me for this.” He reached his hand out and Nico shook it.

“I’ll hold this back until I hear from you.” Nico picked up the resignation form and nodded his head at him before leaving.

Having no lessons left for today, Kimi texted Aina that he was going to be late a bit. He opened his laptop and pulled up the data that he had been keeping about his students’ progress since the beginning of the year.

Carl was faring pretty well in his lesson, but apparently, there were some parts he didn't have a good grasp on.

Kimi frequently gave supplementary classes for different levels after school hours, but Carl had never attended any of them due to his matches or football practices.

In the end, it all boiled down to what Carl wanted to do with his life, and Kimi hoped that he could learn what hindered or confused him.

Next day, Kimi offered Carl's class a supplementary course right after the school and didn't get surprised when Carl raised a hand among the students who wanted to stay behind.

The lesson went by fine and Kimi felt accomplished after seeing most of the students were now able to get the questions right on a particularly hard subject. But Carl wasn't completely there yet.

As his students filed out of the classroom, he approached the boy and surprised him. “Aina went out with her friends for coffee today. I thought you'd go with her...” He smiled a bit at the way how Carl's brown eyes widened at him.

Carl stood up quickly, blinking at his teacher a bit owlishly. “I… I needed this lesson more… I guess.” He explained a bit lamely and bit on his lower lip before busying himself with getting ready.

“No need to tense up, Carl… I wanted to thank you for last Thursday. You really were a tremendous help.” Kimi tried to loosen him up and apparently succeeded, because Carl's shoulders sagged and he finally smiled back at him.

“I am glad to be of help, Sir…” Carl took his coat and slung his backpack on, inclining his head towards the door. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“No problem.” Kimi shrugged and then grinned, adding as if it was an afterthought. “Maybe we can get some coffee, too? I have a few things to show you if you have time?”

Carl's face immediately lit up and he relaxed as if he had been on his guard the entire time. “I'd love that, Sir.” He agreed with a hint of surprise in his voice.

Kimi took him to a cafe near the campus, showing him the materials Aina had gotten for him from the Enstone factory of Renault. They talked about the new innovations in the Motorsports for more than an hour and when Kimi told him that he used to work for Ferrari and Renault at some point in his career, Carl was starry eyed.

Kimi was aware that even before meeting Aina, Carl had been fond of him and looked up to him. Taking courage from that connection, Kimi related his own experience with his high school life and university choice, hoping that it would inspire the boy to open up to him about his own plans, but it was his turn to get surprised by what Carl told him.

“Aren't you going to ask me why I suddenly decided to take your supplementary classes, Sir?”

Kimi raised his eyebrows at the question and reclined in his chair back. “Were you tense earlier because you thought I was going to ask you about that?” He correctly guessed.

Carl's shoulders sagged further, but this time in defeat. “Truth be told, yes… Here I am who has never bothered to come to your classes before until my grades began to plummet…”

Kimi was honestly surprised. “Plummet? Carl, you are in top five in every course and our school is a big one.” He protested.

For a moment, their table stayed silent. Kimi could see how Carl was trying to figure out what to say to him, quite possibly about to spew some stupid excuse or nonsense reason to fool him.

“No bullshitting me, please.” He smiled at the boy lopsidedly and Carl's concentrated expression quickly melted into amusement at his use of words.

Then, Carl slowly sobered up and sat up straighter in his seat. He worried his lip a bit more before he spoke again. “I want to be an engineer like you.” He stated firmly and truth be told, it flattered Kimi.

“I know I can't make it to Aina's choice, but if you were able to find your way into two fantastic companies by graduating from an average university, so I can.” Carl seemed to have taken courage from his story and Kimi was aware that his confidence was not baseless. The boy had it in him to achieve that.

“Then what's the problem?” There had to be something more to this and Kimi hoped that Carl would tell him. “Your grades and projects are on par with the level of quite a number of your chosen schools.”

Carl scratched at his head, mussing up his brown curls and sighed deeply. His big eyes scanned the cafe as if in search of something to hold onto.

“Carl, is this about Seb?” Kimi opened the door for him and the boy nodded as if he was carrying the whole world on his shoulders.

“You know my parents passed away a while ago.” He began, his eyes on the books Kimi had brought for him, his hands going through the pages as a way of keeping them busy. “Seb takes this parental guardian business very seriously. He… He is probably thinking that if I won't be able to make it to the top university, do whatever I want whenever I want, own whatever I wished for… Then he is a failure as a guardian… A poor replacement of my mom and dad who could have treated me better and presented me with better opportunities… According to him, of course… I have never even implied this, but…”

Carl looked back at Kimi with a pained expression as if talking about it actually hurt him physically.

“You don't need to talk more if it's too much.” Kimi offered, but Carl shook his head.

“No… I want to tell you this, though I am not sure if you should hear this from me, but, I think you are the only one who can help him with this.”

Kimi could guess that something big was coming, but even he wasn't ready to hear what the boy was about to disclose to him.

“Sir, have you read anything on his accident?” When Kimi shook his head in a bit of shame, Carl went on. “He barely escaped death, but while my parents were rushing to his side to the hospital, they died in a car accident.”

Color drained from Kimi's face as his mouth dropped open at Carl's words. He couldn't say anything for a while, looking absolutely dumbstruck and shaken.

“My grandparents were utterly devastated.” Carl courageously continued. “With their daughter and son-in-law dead, and their son barely breathing through the machines, his body mangled… It took quite some time for Seb to even be able to walk unaided, but when my grandparents learned what spurred him on to heal both physically and mentally was to get back into that car again, I think something broke in them…”

Carl sighed again and smiled ruefully at Kimi. “Seb couldn't take it. The death of my parents, the disappointed and tormented looks of his mom and dad... Even though they have never insinuated anything like that, I think he believed that his parents were blaming him for my mom's death and were disappointed in his choice to pursue his career back even after what had happened to his body.”

“I guess, when they refused to let him take me to his side, it also added to his conviction. But it also forced on him the idea that he had to be the best uncle out there, even better than humanly possible so that he could convince his parents that he could do well, too… That he could make good decisions and create something beautiful even when he could only perceive himself as destructive.”

Feeling as if he had swallowed down a jagged stone, Kimi rubbed at his face furiously, trying to quell the sickness rising in his stomach at how some of his fears about Sebastian had been proven true. But that was a thought for a later time, now it was about Carl, not him.

“And by doing your best, sacrificing one thing for another and even thinking about hiding it from him, you try to protect him…” He shook his head, deeply saddened at how much of an adult this boy had to become this early in life.

Carl's eyes widened, his face falling further. “You knew about the football team?”

Kimi nodded. “Nico told me. He doesn't want to lose you.”

Carl seemed disappointed and upset with him and Kimi could guess the reason. “Were all these for the sake of getting me to talk about this?” The boy asked in a small voice.

Kimi had never been one to sugar coat things, so he steeled himself for Carl's rejection. “Yes and no. I genuinely wanted to thank you for calming me down during my panic attack and I also wanted to learn where your heart lies in about all this. Because I care about you as one of my favorite students and as a good boy that holds my daughter's love.”

His serious but gentle words brought tears to Carl's eyes and Kimi commended him for not turning his head away to hide them. With a choked voice Carl thanked him, but Kimi shook his head. “No, I should be the one thanking you for sharing with me something this private. But, Carl, how do you feel about it, about the accident?”

“I have never blamed him even in my thoughts, how can I do that when he has done nothing wrong, when he was just another victim? But you can imagine how he must be feeling about it, right?”

Kimi certainly did have an idea. “Ever talked with him about your feelings?”

Carl shook his head. “I don't think I can ever manage to help him get rid of that feeling of guilt.”

“So, this is your way of reducing it for him…” Kimi sighed. He had never imagined that the always smiling, energetic and positive looking German had been hiding a deep wound like this in his heart along with the real wounds that scarred his back and leg.

“Will you tell this to Seb?” There was a fearful look in Carl's eyes and Kimi hated to see it in them.

“No.” He assured. “Nico said he's going to hold onto your resignation form in case you might change your mind. In the meantime, I am going to give more supplementary classes and I heard a few other teachers are going to do the same, so you can make yourself a program with your instructor teacher.” Kimi offered and Carl nodded, smiling at him.

“The team has a match next week… In fact, there will be several more. We are in the regionals. Seb knows my schedule.” Carl lamented.

“Sooner or later he'll learn. But if you want to delay your decision a bit, tell him that Nico let you have a rest this week.”

It sounded sensible enough to Carl, but Kimi was right. He had to have this conversation with Sebastian sooner or later. It was only a matter of deciding the right time to have their inescapable meltdown. And his gut feeling told Carl that it was going to be soon.

* * *

 

Kimi gave Carl a lift and then went back home.

His mind was abuzz with the things he had learnt today. The whole evening and night, he was distracted and thoughtful, unaware that his behavior was worrying Aina, too. But the roots and the depth of Sebastian’s trauma were much more worrying. He remembered Sebastian mentioning a therapist and getting professional help for it. He wondered if Seb was he still continuing it. How was one to open the subject of something like this unless the person in question would initiate the conversation himself, Kimi honestly had no idea, but he also knew that he had to at least help out Carl in resolving some of Sebastian’s fears and doubts.

When he was alone, he sat down before his laptop and pulled up the information about all the Formula One seasons that he had refused to follow after he and Fernando had divorced.

Sebastian had gotten stellar results as soon as he’d entered the sports apparently. He was still holding quite a number of records and he had won a good amount of trophies both in Formula one and in the lower series.

He had finished two seasons in the second place. And in the year he had his accident, he had been leading the championship with quite the margin. If it had not been for the accident, he could have been the youngest champion the sports had ever seen.

After searching around quite some time, Kimi found the footage belonging to the accident and steeled himself for it, unaware why finding it had been so hard.

He forced himself to watch how the dark blue car had fallen around itself into its pieces and taken major damage from the left side due to the impossibly high G force with which it had destroyed the tire barriers right into the main safety fences. Yet, even more horrifying than that was the second when he heard Sebastian’s voice sounding from his radio that somehow had stayed intact and on while the track marshals and the doctors tried to get him out of the wreckage.

Kimi had never heard something like that before and the tears that had already gathered because of the footage of the accident spilled and didn’t stop for a long time after he heard Sebastian’s wails and moans and garbled voice that was begging his rescuers for something Kimi couldn’t understand in his initial shock and immense anguish.

Then it was all about his hospitalization, the number of his operations, the speculations about his physical and mental condition. There were even some pics, possibly taken unauthorized. In them, Sebastian had quite the beard with his hair long, so thin, almost skeletal and he had such a look in his eyes that one could only describe as half crazy with both physical and mental suffering. And in some of them, there was nothing, like looking at a void. Empty and cold…

Overcoming a possible disability and then trying to overcome the loss of his sister and brother-in-law… Kimi had only seen a glimpse of what Sebastian had gone through and he knew that he was going to see that accident as a nightmare and get jump scared into wakefulness by Sebastian’s voice over the team radio for quite some time. He couldn’t stop his tears even as he tried and he wanted to see Sebastian, wanted to just get into his car and drive to the younger man's house, but he knew that he’d scare the other in his current state.

He just shut his laptop and left his room with a big headache only to end up in the bathroom getting sick and throwing whatever was left of his dinner up. Quite sometime later, he went down to his basement garage and put one of the records Sebastian had gifted him on the turntable.

Before he sat on his uncomfortable fold chair, he took out an old, damp and tasteless cigarette from the package he had hidden from Aina many months ago. Smoking was forbidden to him, but every once in a while he just had to feel the rush of nicotine in his veins, so that he could pretend the trembling of his hands was because of it.

He lit it and took a deep drag from it, acutely aware of the burning, itchy path the smoke followed in his lungs. He resisted coughing and let the nicotine course his body as he continued smoking, asking himself what he was going to do about this all. Because what Sebastian had been screaming about on the radio was not his call for help, his call for the doctors to save him. He had been begging them to let him sleep, to spare him from the pain. He had wished for death.

Kimi knew that when people were in insurmountable pain, they could say things like this, they could beg for any form of a release to get out of that state of limbo. But if Kimi knew anything about people, if he had learned anything about Sebastian at all, it was that this man did not fear death as he had claimed to have when they had first met.

Sebastian wasn’t even afraid of getting into that car, no… He was dying to do that. All racers were addicted to the surge of power, adrenaline and liberation that only driving an f1 car could give them. And Sebastian wasn’t above that sentiment, either. Kimi could only guess what other reasons were spurring the German’s need to reclaim his career, but he could tell that beating death wasn’t among them.

Sebastian did not fear death. He was afraid of  having another accident of the same scale which could throw him back into that limbo of pain and agony and leave him stuck in there, unable to pass through to either realm.

Kimi leaned forward and covered his face with his hands, elbows resting on his knees as if he was the picture of helplessness and defeat.

Sebastian Vettel feared being unable to die. And he was currently reading through the preliminary contract sent by Renault to him about their offer to take up the job of being their test driver, completely unaware of the state that Kimi was in on the other side of the city…

_TBC…_


	13. You Are My Heart, You Are My Soul

After reading about Sebastian's career and watching that video of his crash, Kimi really didn't want his next face to face meet up with the German to happen at his school, towards the end of his supplementary class. So, when he saw the younger man shuffling around outside the classroom door, all his concentration flew away.

Earlier, they had planned to go out for a dinner for tomorrow, but Sebastian was here now, with a smile on his face, watching Kimi teach.

One part of Kimi was immensely happy to see him, because just talking to him on the phone was never enough, but the other part was a bit worried for both Carl's and his own sake for different reasons.

His heart rate increasing with excitement, he smiled back at the younger man and then checked his watch. Unfortunately, Sebastian was going to wait a little bit more. He went about doing his job and even managed to write and pass a small note for Carl about his uncle being here.

Carl's wide and bewildered eyes weren't something Kimi would have liked to see, so he assured the boy with a wink as if to tell him that he was ready to cover up for him if it needed be.

When the lesson ended and the students filed out of the room, Sebastian came in with an even bigger grin, his eyes full of adoration.

“Hello, Mr. Räikkönen…” Seb greeted him with a mischievous undertone in his voice and Kimi rolled his eyes at him, but greeted back in equal formality, because there were still students around packing their stuff.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Vettel.”

Sebastian readily invaded Kimi's personal space and was clearly about to go in for a kiss for a second there, making Kimi's eyes widen, until somebody cleared their throat beside him and caught his attention.

“You shouldn't do that, uncle. This is a school, don't get my teacher into trouble.” Carl playfully admonished him, saving Kimi from a load of embarrassment right before his students.

Sebastian looked back at his nephew with surprised eyes as if he'd seen a ghost. “Why aren't you at your football practice?” This was quite unusual.

Carl involuntarily looked back at Kimi for help and Kimi drew Sebastian's attention back on himself. “I wanted him to stay behind for a particularly hard subject and his coach gave him the go.”

That had to have persuaded Sebastian, because he looked pleased with Carl, his smile returning. “My two favorite people together, then.” He regarded both Kimi and Carl with love filled eyes, his whole body radiating with pride. That put small blushes on both Carl's and Kimi's cheeks and Sebastian was delighted to see that.

“You two are so alike…” He observed them getting ready to go out. “Giving me the same shy reaction.”

“Oh, for the love of…” Carl snorted in exasperation before laughing.

Kimi smiled and shook his head. And Sebastian shrugged. “No wonder you get along so well with each other.” He observed. “How about I take you two out for a coffee?”

Carl shook his head, slinging his backpack on a shoulder. “I don't want to be a third wheel on your date, uncle…” He muttered with a quirk of his lips and got going, waving a hand at Kimi. “Thank you for today, Sir.”

“See you later, Carl.” Kimi nodded at the boy.

Seb called after him in an amused way. “Nothing for your uncle?”

Carl chuckled ruefully before closing the door of the classroom. “Love you, Seb.”

When they were finally alone, Sebastian was quick to crowd Kimi back to the teacher's table and dive in for a kiss.

Kimi couldn't find it in himself to refuse the other man and let him kiss him, but when Sebastian tried to turn it into something deeper and increasingly demanding, he turned his head away a bit and broke the kiss.

“Missed you…” Sebastian seeked out his lips again, a bit breathless. He tried to bring Kimi closer to him, but Kimi shook his head.

“I missed you, too, but not here, Seb… This is where I work…” Kimi looked up at him, caressing his face and scratching at his beard.

Sebastian bit on his lip in thought, enjoying Kimi's undivided attention. “Then come with me to the loft now.” He offered. “I can cook, you can do the dishes, and we can watch something and cuddle. Then, maybe we can… You know...” He trailed off meaningfully.

Kimi pried himself off from Sebastian's arms, painfully aware that the younger man's smile was faltering by the second because of his rejection. But Kimi kept on smiling to cover up for the hurt the realization of that instilled in him. “Wasn't that our plan for tomorrow?”

Sebastian tilted his head, his lips thinning in dejected acceptance. “Yes, but I thought maybe you'd like the idea of us doing all that early for today?” He tried again, hands in his pockets in an act of nonchalance.

Kimi took his coat and bag, biting the inside of his cheek for a moment before speaking. “I need to go to the hotel in the forest and make the last arrangements for Aina's birthday party.” He explained, hoping that Sebastian would leave it at that. But, no.

“I can take you there and wait around?” Seb hated how needy he sounded and averted his eyes.

Kimi could read what was going through the other man's head, but he really didn't want Sebastian there. Yet, even though he didn't know how the German was going to react to it, he chose to tell the truth, perfectly guessing where the conversation was about to head to. “I am going to meet Fernando.” He looked back at the other man's quickly hardening eyes courageously.

The change of expression on Sebastian's face was rapid and sharp. His eyes went cold and a dark gaze entered them, his posture tensed and he straightened up to his full height. Kimi could see that he gritted his teeth by the way his jaw worked before he spoke.

“And this also means that I don't get an invitation for Aina's birthday, huh?” Sebastian stated, regarding Kimi with a strangely neutral expression.

Something was hurting in Kimi's chest both at the disappointment of the German in him and at his own need to be understood by the person he loved. “Seb, I was going to invite you and Carl to celebrate with me and Aina on the actual day of her birthday…” His breathing was starting to feel painful as Kimi waited for Sebastian to say something and stop regarding him with those hard eyes.

“Why are you hiding us?” Sebastian didn't understand, but also felt offended at the secrecy. “Is there a specific reason just concerning Fernando or am I the problem here?” He asked tightly even though he didn't want to sound as irritated as he felt.

When Kimi rubbed his hands at his face in a clear show of not knowing what to say, his expression pained and pale, Sebastian assumed that he was the reason behind Kimi's want of secrecy. He took a deep sigh and preferred to be positive about the situation, trying to smile.

“Okay… I guess you have your reasons and I am sure you will talk about them when you are ready. I respect that.” He gave up.

His heart beating in his throat hard enough to hurt him, Kimi tentatively approached Sebastian and tilted his head up from his chin so that the younger man would look him in the eye and see that he meant what he was about to say.

“I don't want him to learn of you, because even though I had long stopped caring about what he does with whom and where, I hate how he knows everything about me. Because I want to have something in my life which he can't touch or reach at all. I want you to be exclusive to me, be only mine…”

The way Sebastian's eyes lit up at Kimi's words was beautiful and gave Kimi courage. “Is it alright? For the time being?” He asked.

Sebastian licked his lips slowly as if he was in deep thought, amusement spreading over his features. “For now, yes…” He shrugged, finally smiling. “But tomorrow you’ll make it up to me.”

Relieved now, Kimi smiled, too. Though he had a pretty good idea about what the younger man meant, he asked nevertheless. “How?”

Sebastian glanced at the door for a second and then quickly pulled Kimi to a side of the classroom where they wouldn't be seen easily before embracing him and touching their foreheads. “Don’t make me spell it out for you.” He whispered and kissed Kimi sweetly. They stayed like that for a little while before they jumped apart from each other due to a noise coming from the outside.

Kimi chuckled. “I think we should leave, before we are found out.”

Sebastian relented and they parted on a good note for which Kimi was grateful.

* * *

He drove to the hotel in the forest and realized that the place was quite close to Sebastian's loft. He had never needed to come here before, but now that he had seen it, he really liked the resort and knew that Aina and her friends were going to love it.

He asked for Fernando in the reception and the Spaniard greeted him in the lounge, quite well dressed in a dark grey suit. Kimi realized that the two of them looked like a pair of businessmen or celebrities, and they drew quite a few eyes towards their way.

“First time here?” Fernando asked with a small smile when he realized that Kimi was looking everywhere but him.

Kimi nodded, letting the other man direct him to the hotel manager’s room.

The manager gave them some extensive information about Aina’s party organization with Kimi providing the number and the names of the guests. Everything was planned perfectly and the manager walked them around the reception and the cool down lounge for their guests, the paintball field, the disco, and the side of the dinner hall that they were about to reserve. Her debriefing took quite some time, but Kimi was completely at ease about Saturday now as his eyes swept around the spacious dinner hall.

The manager showed them to a mezzanine floor, made completely out of glass and steel that stood three floors above the ground level, right over a big decoration pool. The pool was lined with beautiful mosaic work and illuminated softly, the colors reflected into the glass room. It was creating the illusion of standing at the edge of a cliff as the night sky and the shadows of the forest blended into a mysterious scenery on the outside of the glass room.

There was a very beautifully decorated table there, right on the edge and standing alone, with candles and flowers and silk.

“Mr. Alonso wanted to sample our menu for your birthday organization.” The manager led them there and Fernando followed the woman without a beat as Kimi hesitated on the threshold of the glass room, feeling the eyes of the diners on him.

Fernando sat down and looked up at the opposite chair, expecting to see the Finn taking his seat, but instead he saw the manager looking back at him awkwardly. “Kimi?” He asked and found the other man standing and shuffling a bit as if he didn’t want to approach the table at all. Fernando stood back up and tried to urge Kimi to come closer. “It is already late and we can talk a bit more over the dinner, no?”

Kimi didn’t know if this was planned or not, but when Fernando sat back again, showing him his seat and the manager eyed him expectantly, he relented. He took his seat and the manager beamed at him, wishing them both an enjoyable experience.

Kimi regarded Fernando with a frown and observed him, but the other man acted completely natural. The Spaniard’s eyes were warm and happy; there was a small amused smile on his lips when he looked back at Kimi.

“Before you ask, no, I didn’t know they would arrange something this extravagant and over the top for a normal session of food and drink sampling.” He set things straight, because he really hadn't been expecting something this, either. But who was he to pass a good chance when it laid itself right before his feet. “Enjoy your dinner, Kimi. Don’t be afraid, I don’t bite.” He chuckled.

Kimi’s frown deepened, but eventually he shrugged. There were important things that they still needed to talk. “Will you be present during the dinner and the disco?” He asked.

A waiter approached them with a trolley and poured them samples from the soft drinks. Fernando preferred red wine with his meal and Kimi asked for a refill of a juice mix that he liked.

“I don't think so... But I am currently staying in this hotel, so I’ll be around.”

“Not even owning up to being Aina's father in front of a handful of kids. But, of course…” Kimi mumbled under his breath, snorting.

Fernando frowned at his dry remark, but chose to ignore it. “There will be free drinks on me at the bar lounge for the adults coming to drop or take their kids back…. There won’t be anyone from my side, so tell your friends to come, too.” He offered.

Kimi tilted his head to the side in agreement. “Thank you for the courtesy.” He looked out a bit, trying to ignore the increasingly romantic atmosphere created by the soft music that began to play in the main dinner hall. Their dinner was served just then and thankfully provided Kimi with something to busy himself.

As they ate, Fernando watched Kimi. His black suit complemented the Finn’s coloring and physique. Clean shaven and his hair nicely combed, he wewas a pleasing sight to behold. Together with Fernando, the two of them appeared as if they were on a date. A lot of people from the main hall were stealing glances at them, because they really looked like VIP guests having a romantic getaway in this hotel in the heart of the forest. Ignoring the attention they garnered, Fernando took a long sip from his wine. “She has a boyfriend, right?” He asked softly.

Kimi’s eyes widened at the sudden question and he looked back Fernando to find a wistful and soft expression on his face. Whenever Fernando would talk about Aina, his eyes would lose their sharp and calculating gaze, his smile would lose that secretive, merciless edge and he would look younger than he was, almost boyish. That expression made something twinge in Kimi’s chest, but he ignored it.

“Yeah…” He nodded, trying to assess the reaction of the Spaniard. “Did she tell you?”

Fernando shook his head, smiling ruefully. “No… I figured it out on my own… When I mentioned it, she admitted.” He explained. “Can you tell me a bit about them?” He asked, sincerely hoping to learn more about the boy that stole his princess’ heart.

Kimi didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how much Aina would have liked to say about Carl, so he shrugged. “You should ask her about him.” He had no ill intend when he said that, but Fernando actually felt stung by his words.

“Why are you dismissing my curiosity about her life so easily?” He frowned and watched Kimi’s perfect expression of neutrality slip. “Sometimes kids don’t want to talk about some things with their parents… You know that well… You have been witnessing her every moment for five years and here you dismiss even a small question of mine about her. That’s unjust, Kimi… Don’t do this to me…”

Kimi swallowed at the way how Fernando’s mood turned pained and sour, guilt attacking him. “I really didn’t try to belittle your curiosity, Fernando…” He defended himself. “I just didn’t want to talk in her stead.”

“Then talk in your own stead, Kimi.” Fernando turned his eyes at him, upset and a bit accusing. “Don’t leave me out of the things concerning her, please.”

Kimi shook his head at him, his eyes narrowing down. “Have I ever done that? Have I ever left you out of anything when it was about Aina?”

“From your point of view, maybe you did not… But have you ever tried to look at it from my side?” Fernando stopped eating completely, straightening up in his chair, speaking in a low voice. “I have missed too much of her firsts… I have seen so many things too late, heard so many things after they no longer mattered…”

Kimi bit on his lower lip at the accusation, frowning. His agitation was openly written across his features. He huffed in bewilderment. “Then, what have you been expecting of me, Fernando? That I would have stayed with you until she’d turn of age and ignore how much of a fool you had made out of me all along? Let you sleep around with anyone you fancied while I kept your bed warm?” His anger was like a newly sharpened knife.

“I am not saying that you deserve being deprived of her presence because you have cheated on me. I am not some petty fool to even suggest that, but you also conveniently choose to forget how everything has its consequences. Your greed knows no bounds.” He looked into Fernando’s adamantine dark gaze and knew that the man was about to say something outrageous. But nothing could have readied him for hearing what Fernando uttered next.

Deep inside, Fernando knew that this was what he deserved for fooling his family and preferring other things over their love, but he compulsively ignored the truth and refused to admit the guilt. “I want another chance with you.” He declared.

Kimi’s mouth dropped open for a second before he remembered to shut it, his eyes first widening at the ridiculousness of the demand and then narrowing down in murderous contempt. “What the actual fuck?” He growled, paling at the serious and unfaltering gaze the Spaniard was giving him. “You are insane!” He raised his voice a bit and jumped up to his feet, angry and feeling sick in the stomach. “I won’t stand around and listen to your bullshit!” He got his coat and quickly left the glass room, wanting to get away from this, run away from Fernando, completely thrown off and trembling with shock, ire, and hurt.

He passed the main dining hall, rushing to the elevators outside, unaware that all the eyes present on that floor were now on him and observing him. Yet, before he could reach there, Fernando grasped him from his bruised arm and Kimi literally had to bit on his own lip to stop himself from wincing and screaming at the pain. Spun around by the Spaniard, he refused to meet his eyes, continuing stepping back, telling the other man in a hushed voice to let him go to not attract attention.

Fernando practically begged him to stop and listen, unaware he was hurting Kimi with his hold. “Just stop for a second, just look at me. Please, Kimi… Please, just stop and listen for a second… Please…”

Kimi looked around himself, realizing that the passersby and the people waiting for the elevators were watching them with varying degrees of interest, wonder and worry. Even the hotel manager rushed to them, the sound of her high heels clicking on the marble floor attracting more and more attention.

Fernando raised a hand at her, indicating that it was alright, and focused his attention back on Kimi, who stood still now with sweat gathered upon his brow.

“Let my arm go… I’ll listen to you.” Kimi whispered, his eyes were tormented and he very much seemed like the deer that was caught in the headlights. When Fernando did as he was told, Kimi took a deep silent breath and told himself that he was strong, that he could withstand any bullshit that Fernando might throw at his way. But he forgot to breathe upon the Spaniard’s next words.

Fernando really didn’t want this thing to have escalated into such a spectacle for the other people around, but he was aware that he had to try this. “I recently realized something…” He began, standing close to the Finn, trying to seem as unthreatening as possible. “That I love you…”

Kimi took a step back again at the confession, snorting mirthlessly, shaking his head. “You are crazy… You must have gone crazy…” He mumbled.

Fernando turned desperate at the way the other man mocked him. “No! In fact, I have never stopped loving you!” He told the truth, because he really believed it to be so. “I want you back, Kimi… Not just because I miss Aina too much! I miss you, too. I have never loved someone else, only you!”

Kimi began laughing at him like he had never laughed before. He laughed until his eyes teared up and his cheeks hurt. He was looking at Fernando as if he was a crazy person, as if he had spouted two heads. “Yeah… Wow… What is this new brand of madness you have?” He sneered at the other man, chest heaving, and eyes derisive.

“You want me to believe what? That while you were fucking the whole paddock, you had been thinking about me, right?” He chuckled some more, finding this extremely hilarious and wondering what was Fernando on about. But Fernando’s somber answer sobered him up instantly.

“Yeah, I was always thinking about you.”

The confession felt as if the whole floor had been pulled from under Kimi’s feet.

“I am still thinking about you, I have never forgotten you.” Fernando continued, dead calm and serious. “In everyone, I searched for you. For the warmth and the love you refused to give me during those years even before things fell apart around us. Ever wondered why I cheated on you? Ever asked me?” He dragged Kimi to some corner more secluded and away from the prying eyes and Kimi was so shocked that he just went with him.

“But, no… You just took your jacket, took Aina, and then ran away to this city, right? Disregarding me, forgetting me, dismissing us as if we’d never existed…”

Kimi gazed back at the other man with deep concern, trying to keep his wits to himself, trying to contain all the hurt he had accumulated over the years. “Fernando, you don’t love me.” He shook his head gravely at the Spaniard. “You have always loved yourself first, not me. Maybe when we were teenagers… Yeah, that love was genuine, innocent… But it has been a long time since you have loved something or someone more than yourself.” He stated firmly, taking a shaky step back to the elevators.

“I don’t know what compelled you to tell me all these nonsense, why you are always playing these mind games with me, but it has been nearly five years since we got divorced… Get over it and find someone who loves you, because I am not that person anymore.”

He walked backwards, his knees trembling and his stomach churning at the dejected, utterly defeated and sad expression the Spaniard had on his face. “Never speak about this to me again, Fernando. Never try to fool me again.” Gritting his teeth, he turned around and ran into the first elevator that pinged open.

Fernando stood there, watching that elevator go down, his eyes narrow and colder than ice. He pushed his hands into his pockets and nodded at no one, silently murmuring to himself like the cat that got the cream. “Well, that was me trying to do this the nice way…” He smirked. “I’ll make you say all these again when I get you writhing under me on a bed, Kimi.”

* * *

The sole thing that helped Kimi to go through the night and the next day was the promise of seeing Sebastian’s smile in the evening.

He went through the motions of his work day as if he was in a daze. The things Fernando had told him the day before were echoing in his head and gave him a small headache like a constant buzz at the back of his skull. What the hell had the Spaniard's agenda been, Kimi had no idea, but he was sure that it spelled more trouble for him.

Over the years, there had been times when Fernando had shown physical interest in him, touching his face, his arm or his hair, leaning in as if he was about to kiss him or crowding him in an attempt to look intimidating or maybe to prove a point… Kimi had always considered them as subtle insults at their earlier intimacy and love, as attempts to cheapen the physical magnetism that they’d used to share once upon a time… Not as actual want or desire… But he wasn’t so sure anymore after hearing all that nonsense about the Spaniard’s search for Kimi in his other partners.

Kimi tried to understand what kind of a mind game he was being dragged into this time, what the aim of the other man was. Because, he was certain that Fernando was not regretting his past and wasn’t actually looking for another chance at love. No, that man had always been quite clever, had always used Kimi’s trust and love. This was an attempt at neither reconciliation, nor forgiveness. This was simply another way for Fernando to have his fun at the expense of Kimi’s happiness and peace of mind.

It was sickening to see that he was still being played around like this by Fernando. And maybe worse than that was the moment when he thought about how much power the other man managed to still hold over him.

Finally, in the late hours of the afternoon, he was at the loft, but he wasn’t in the best of the moods as Sebastian opened the garage door for him. He parked his car and saw the younger man descending down the stairs to greet him.

Seeing the other man did wonders for this mood and a smile appeared on his face as he rushed to the open arms of the other male. He buried his face into the crook of the German to hide how much relief seeing Sebastian had given him. He embraced Seb strongly, breathing in his scent and even rocked a little to the sides, making the younger man giggle at him.

“Won’t you let me see your face?” Sebastian embraced Kimi back just as strongly, loving the cold air that hung around him, crisp and fresh.

Kimi wanted to stay like that for as long as possible, but he knew that it might make the other man think that there was something wrong with him. That was the last thing Kimi wanted, so, he braved another smile and leaned back to kiss him.

Sebastian was all too happy to share a kiss, but he really wanted to see Kimi’s face. He leaned away before Kimi could seal their lips and observed the Finn closely. “You look wound up. Everything alright?” He asked, slowly detangling himself from their embrace.

Kimi gave up and let him go, nodding. “I have a bit of a headache…” He told only half of the truth, but that seemed to have convinced Sebastian. The younger man took his bag and hand before dragging him to the stairs and up into the house.

“I know just the thing for you…” Sebastian led them into the bedroom. “Get changed and then come into the kitchen.”

When he was left alone, Kimi did as he was told, changing into black jeans and a v neck black sweater. Only when he saw Sebastian again that he realized they were wearing nearly the same things with dark blue jeans and a dark grey sweater for the younger man. Seb looked really good in them and Kimi just wanted to be close. So, he hugged the German from behind and put his lips on the scar tissue that peeked out from the large neckline of his sweater.

Sebastian’s amusement could be heard in his voice. “Missed me much?”

Kimi followed the motions of Sebastian’s body gently, leaning his forehead against the naked nape of the younger man. “Yes, missed you so much…” He answered in a whisper.

That made a shiver run through Sebastian’s spine and he relaxed into Kimi’s hold. “Coffee?” He asked in a weak voice, biting on his lower lip.

“Please…” Kimi placed little kisses at the spot where his neck met with his shoulder, giving him gooseflesh and making him shiver.

“Kimi…” Sebastian whined, leaning a bit forward as if to get away, making Kimi chuckle softly close to his ear.

“Am I giving you trouble?” Kimi ran his hands gently over Seb's stomach and chest in a soothing manner, but it had the opposite effect and instead of soothing Seb, it aroused him.

“Yes, you are killing me here.” Sebastian tried to turn around in Kimi's hold, but Kimi didn't let him, amused at the younger man's reaction. When Kimi tighthened his embrace and laughed at Sebastian's vain attempts, the German let his body sag in the Finn's hold, equally amused.

“Should we forego the dinner and I don't know… Just fall into the bed together? We can figure it out from there?” He playfully offered, resting his hands on Kimi's arms as the other man rocked them left and right in a lulling motion.

“So tempting, but I am hungry, too.”

Sebastian could practically hear the laughter in Kimi's voice. The Finn's joy was contagious and filling his chest with warmth, the emotion bubbling up in him in an uncontrollable way. “You can't have everything all at once, dearest. Choose…” Sebastian looked sideways at the other man with a mischievous challenge and Kimi finally fell back, stepping away from him with an equally playful grin.

“Sorry, but hunger presides over everything, Seb.”

Sebastian's mouth dropped and eyes widened in surprise before he bursted out laughing. “I can’t believe you chose food over me.” He pretended to be hurt.

Kimi shrugged and sat down on a chair beside the kitchen table, smugly declaring. “What can I say, I am a simple man.”

Sebastian shook his head at him with a rueful smile and turned back to his coffee making, leaving Kimi with the relaxing forest scenery that stood outside.

He prepared them two mugs of Irish coffee, knowing that it was Kimi's favorite. He gently placed the coffee before the Finn and sat down in front of him, observing Kimi over the rim of his mug.

Kimi looked quite fine in black, his exposed neck and collarbones were really tempting. Sebastian didn't know how he was going to wait for tonight as desire was already pooling inside him. To distract himself, he asked. “How is your headache?”

Kimi smiled softly at him and drank a huge gulp from the coffee before he reached out and took Sebastian's hand in his. He placed the warm hand on his cheek, nuzzling to it. “Better after I saw you...” He mumbled and kissed the palm of the younger man's hand. “This week was a bit hectic; I had no time to relax.” He sighed. “But I already feel so at peace here with you.”

A shy but big smile appeared on Sebastian’s face, because he felt so elated to be a source of comfort for Kimi. He reached over the table and placed an open mouthed kiss on the Finn's lips. “If you need a nap to relax, you can take one while I cook?” He offered.

Kimi shook his head. “I want to be with you. I want to watch you work, hear you talk, see your smile…” He whispered, causing Seb to regard him first with fond surprise and then with love and warmth.

“You are quite the romantic today, huh?”

“What are you talking about? I am always romantic.” Kimi chuckled and this time he was the one who leaned in and kissed the other man.

Sebastian regarded him with a soft glint in his dark eyes. He dragged his chair closer until they could sit together, their shoulders and legs pressed against each other.

Kimi leaned to his side this time and rested his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. He snuggled to him further contently when he felt Sebastian drape an arm around him and place a kiss against his temple.

They stayed silent after that, watching the sun disappear behind the forest and Kimi felt sleepy in the secure half embrace of the other man. “I don’t want to sleep…” He complained groggily even as he tried to get more of Sebastian’s warmth.

Sebastian rubbed his cheek at Kimi’s head, kissing the golden crown of it with a smile. “My offer still stands, dearest.” He reminded the Finn, but Kimi abruptly straightened out of his hold.

“Can I go down to the garage and put some music on for us? Then maybe I can help you out with whatever you’re going to cook?”

Sebastian liked the idea. “Why not?” He agreed and watched Kimi disappear down the stairs after giving him a kiss.

A few minutes later, the sound of music filled the whole house, making Sebastian snort and shake his head fondly at Kimi’s choice. When the said man returned back to the kitchen, Sebastian felt needlessly shy.

Kimi was looking at his reaction, because he had put this song on for Sebastian. “Liked it?” He asked, eyes hopeful as he leaned back to the kitchen counter to see Sebastian’s face better.

Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh. “Is this for me?” The song was beautiful and Kimi was smiling at him with an equal amount of shyness, nodding. He couldn’t help but gravitate towards the Finn, playing with the neckline of his black sweater, touching their foreheads together. “I’m your heart and soul, huh?” He murmured, biting on his lip, unable to contain his joy at Kimi’s enthusiastic nod. He looked up at the Finn and whispered solemnly. “You are my heart and soul, too, Kimi…” And he kissed him deeply as if he was sealing a promise; melting into Kimi’s touches and embrace until he remembered that they had a dinner to prepare.

After dinner they lazed around in the small living room, watching a football match and snacking on popcorn. Kimi loved Sebastian’s unreserved reactions and commentary, enjoying the younger man's enthusiasm more than the match that they were watching.

When the half time began, Sebastian jumped off the couch, unabashedly declaring that he had to use the bathroom and then needed some more popcorn. Kimi laughed at his boyishness and began zapping through the channels.

Just as he heard the German entering the bathroom, a phone buzzed right beside him on the couch and Kimi looked down to see whose phone it was.

Oh, how he wished he hadn't done that.

Before leaving, Seb had been playing with his phone and had apparently had not locked the screen of it in his haste when he rushed to the bathroom.

His insides going ice cold, Kimi pressed a finger on top of the screen to keep it lit and with amounting sickness in his stomach, he pulled it down to look at the preview of the message again that he had seen just a few seconds ago.

The message included the picture of a young male. It was a naked mirror shot with the face hidden but everything else visible. The man's body was wet and he was grabbing at his own hard cock. There was a message written on the steam covered mirror, “ _wish u were here”_ and a caption under the picture, “ _why aren't you calling me anymore, Seb?”_

Kimi put the phone down and covered his face with both hands, trying to contain his cold trembling and the sudden lightheadedness that came over him.

He heard Sebastian getting out. Not wanting to be seen in his current state, he rushed into the bigger bathroom connected to the bedroom and locked the door in panic.

He stayed there for a while, trying to calm down and settle his nerves, answering Sebastian back shakily when the other man asked if he'd like a coke with his snack.

Willing the trembling away from his weakened limbs, he looked in the mirror and told himself that this wasn't Sebastian's doing, that he wasn't cheating on him. Seb was known for being popular. He was rich, successful and attractive. He had probably gotten any partner he'd wanted in the past. This man was one of them and apparently Sebastian hadn't seen him for some time.

Kimi didn't doubt the younger man's faithfulness to him, but it didn't mean that seeing messages like this still being sent to Seb didn't hurt.

He sighed deeply and straightened up. He had two options now, to ignore this and let it eat at him silently or face it and talk it out of their relationship. He had been burnt excessively due to miscommunication and keeping things to himself in the past and he didn't want that with Sebastian. It was in his hands to turn this into a disaster or to a promise, so, Kimi got ready to face Sebastian again.

In the living room, Sebastian had been waiting for him with a bowl of freshly made popcorn and soft drinks. He patted on the couch as an invitation and Kimi took his earlier spot back, but didn't snuggle to the German's side like Sebastian had been expecting.

Instead of facing the TV set, Kimi sat with his body towards Sebastian and scratched at his face nervously, unaware that the dark blue eyes of the other man were regarding him curiously.

“What's happening?” Sebastian smiled, tensing by the way Kimi was looking at everywhere but him. He reached a hand to the Finn's face and caressed his cheek gently.

“Seb, I did something without meaning to…” Kimi began and caught Sebastian's hand in his, finally looking into the questioning eyes before him. “When you rushed to the bathroom, you’d left your phone unlocked and a message came just then.” He explained and watched Sebastian's eyes widen. Thankfully, it was neither fear nor anger that spread over the features of the German. And Kimi felt relief wash over him as it was further proof that Seb had no idea what was going on.

Sebastian took his phone in his hand, not the least bit offended that Kimi had seen whatever had been on the screen. Instead, he was concerned about what could have turned the Finn so pale. “And you saw it?” He asked guilelessly, even as he opened the app and felt as if punched in the gut upon the picture that greeted him.

“Yes, I saw it…” Kimi quietly answered and held on harder at the German's free hand when he tried to take it back in shock. The panic, the fear and the worry that claimed the younger man was painful to witness, but Kimi stayed put and held Sebastian's hand securely in his own as if to show him that this was going to be alright, that he wasn't trying to blame him for anything.

White hot shame poured down on to Sebastian when he’d seen the picture. He felt bile rise in his throat and fear cripple him. “K-kimi, I swear, I… Oh, god…I am not… I am not cheating on you… Kimi… I… I haven't seen him since forever. I haven't seen anyone since the day I met you.” He wasn't aware, but his breathing got ragged and his color turned sickly, his hands trembling. “You… you are the only one… only you… Kimi… Please, believe me...”

Kimi couldn't stand it anymore when he saw Sebastian's eyes tear up. He pulled the younger man into his arms immediately and embraced him tightly. “Shh… It's alright, Seb, breathe… I know, I trust you… Calm down, please.”

Sebastian could just cling on to Kimi as the Finn ran his fingers in his hair in a soothing motion and caressed his back. “I am sorry, Kimi… I can’t apologize you enough for making you go through this…” He continued blabbering, his own embrace shy and hesitant.

Kimi sighed deeply and tightened his hold in a reassuring way. “Seb, I didn’t tell you this to make you feel miserable.” He tried to explain his reasoning, hoping that hearing it would make the younger man feel better.

“I utterly hated seeing that, but I also know that you are true to me. Me seeing that was just a coincidence, but it also made me realize that if I wouldn’t speak to you about it, it wouldn’t be any different than lying to you. Don’t beat yourself up over this, okay?”

“I should have erased his contact…” Sebastian shook his head and got out of Kimi’s embrace, facing him with eyes full of shame. “I should have erased his and some others’ numbers as soon as I had realized my love for you. Nothing can compensate for making you remember what kind of a feeling this was… I can’t believe I made you go through something so similar with what Fernando had done to you…”

“No… No, don’t even compare yourself to that man, Seb!” Kimi held the German’s face in his hands and frowned at the teary, regretful eyes. “He actually did that to me, yes… Again and again, willingly… But I don’t care anymore; he means nothing to me other than being Aina’s father…” He leaned in and touched their foreheads together, drying the wetness from Sebastian’s eyes with his thumbs.

“But this thing here was not your fault and every one of us comes with their own luggage full of past relationships, mistakes and maybe lost loves… What is important is that to decide what we want to do about that, right?” An understanding smile spread on his face and he leaned in to place a small kiss on Sebastian’s lower lip which the German had gotten swollen by biting on it in his agitation.

Sebastian sobbed even as he tried to smile, too. “You forgive me?” A single tear fell from his eye, but Kimi dried it immediately.

“There is nothing to forgive, because I trust you.” He firmly declared, brushing their noses together to encourage the younger man into letting it go.

Blinking his tears away and taking in a deep breath, Sebastian gazed back into Kimi’s eyes, knowing that it was his turn to answer the other male in kind with a brave and decisive stance. “And I promise to never betray your trust, Kimi.” He swore, his solemn eyes making Kimi’s heart skip a beat.

Why did it sound like they were exchanging their vows every time they made a promise or told of their love to each other? Kimi suddenly felt shyly conscious of it, but he made his promise, too. “So do I, Sebby…” His smile turned bashful and he ducked his head a little, Sebastian taking the chance to nuzzle into the crook of his neck and kiss him there.

Kimi slowly leaned back, towards the arm rest of the large couch and pushed a large pillow there to rest his back against. He pulled Sebastian with him and the younger man was all too eager to climb over him, between his legs. The German put his head on his chest, his arms winding around Kimi’s middle in a secure way.

Sebastian sighed and listened to Kimi’s heart beat, his own nerves settling down and his heart rate slowing down, too. His eyes were on the football match, but his mind wasn’t registering what was actually playing on the TV. “I’ll block them all tomorrow.” He murmured and Kimi’s fingers stilled in their massage among his curls. “I’m sorry, Kimi…”

Giving a gentle squeeze to Sebastian’s arm, Kimi murmured back. “It’s alright, Seb…” And he went on playing with his hair, a companionable silence blanketing them.

Sebastian was upset with how the night had turned out and for hurting Kimi. He knew that the Finn had managed to turn another potential disaster into a means to further establish their mutual trust. And even for that reason alone, Kimi deserved better than this. But there was one more thing that Sebastian was trying to push to the back of his mind and that was the question if Kimi was not jealous of him at all.

He knew Kimi had never given him a reason for it before, but it would have been a lie if Sebastian would tell that he wasn't jealous of Kimi when Fernando was around the Finn. Was it the same for Kimi? Looking at the mature way how Kimi handled this situation, Sebastian honestly had no idea. It didn't bother him greatly, because every person had their own way of loving, but the question had nevertheless presented itself in Sebastian's mind and persisted there even though he refused to think any more on that.

He didn't know he was about to get his answer soon.

Together, they tidied up the used dishes and put away their things. Cleaning up around like a married couple gave them that bit of normalcy that they both unconsciously needed and Sebastian made peace with himself in his mind about the outcome of the night, hoping to at least get some cuddles and a long undisturbed sleep in Kimi's arms.

Finally they were in the bedroom, the lights low and relaxing, the house silent.

Sebastian went for the built-in closet that covered a whole wall to find some sweat pants and a t-shirt to change into.

He heard Kimi rummaging through some drawers beside the bed, but didn't get to see what he was doing, because he'd been pulling his sweater over his head just then. The moment he took it off, he felt Kimi right behind him and in the blink of an eye, he was pushed towards the closet. Kimi effectively crowded him from behind until Sebastian was face to face with his own reflection, his hands on the large mirrors covering the furniture.

“Kimi?” He asked in a small confused voice. The surge of bewilderment, slight fear and excitement was so heady that Sebastian visibly shuddered when he saw how much passion Kimi's eyes held as he looked at him from the mirror. He instinctively stepped forward a bit, but Kimi followed him, his body heat covering him all around.

He tried to turn around and face the Finn, but Kimi kept him in place, holding him down from his hips gently but firmly.

“No, Sebby…” Kimi whispered into his right ear, his hands directing Sebastian's body into the position he wanted him to take. “You won't move… You'll be good and watch me as I take you from behind like this.” He described what he was going to do in a low voice, observing Sebastian’s eyes go wide and gooseflesh cover his whole body.

Sebastian was so turned on that he didn't remember a time he had reacted this strongly just to the sight of someone's eyes and voice. He was already hard and heat was spreading like wild fire in him, his skin burning under Kimi's touch.

Kimi directed his left arm up, in a way Sebastian could lean his forehead against it if he wanted and pulled at the younger man’s hips towards himself close enough to grind against him.

Sebastian's breath hitched when he felt Kimi's hardness rubbing against his ass. He groaned helplessly as Kimi fondled his cock over the rough material of his jeans in a teasing and light manner.

“Look at me.” Kimi demanded so close that only then Sebastian realized his eyes were shut against the sensations. Their gazes met on the reflection and Seb forgot to breathe when he saw Kimi's eyes. There was a sharp and hungry glint in them, in control but also in love.

Kimi began kissing his neck and nape, his mouth slowly moving, leaving wet and flushed trails behind. He nipped and worried the unguarded skin there between his teeth, light enough to not leave a mark, but hard enough to hurt in an impossibly arousing and sweet way. One of Kimi's hands undid the front of his jeans, the other caressing the naked expanse of his chest, teasing his nipples, swirling the small buds between his fingers until they hardened enough to tear a moan from Sebastian's lips.

Sebastian bit on his lip at the wantonness of the sound he'd let out, his eyes involuntarily searching for Kimi's to see his reaction. Kimi gazed back at him in immense satisfaction for being able to make Seb moan like that and Sebastian began to tremble, unable to tear his eyes away from Kimi's until the Finn decided to put his hand in his boxers and grab his cock.

Kimi was placing small sensual bites upon the scar tissue of his back as he teased and twisted his left nipple. His hand gave long and electrifying pulls at his hardness. 

They all combined into an overwhelming pleasure and caused Sebastian's legs to buckle under him. He screwed his eyes shut despite himself and let out a whine that turned into sobbing at the range of sensations that Kimi was making him feel.

Seeing that he had overwhelmed the younger man, Kimi slowed down, hugging Sebastian from his middle to his chest and placed soothing kisses on his shoulders. “Got you, Seb…” He murmured into his ear even as he continued stroking his lenght languidly and licked at the shell of his ear and the side of his neck. Heat was rolling off of the back of the younger man and his breathing was ragged, but Kimi knew that the German was loving every second of this, just like he was.

He tipped Sebastian's chin up to see his face and met with dazed blue eyes looking back at him, glazed over in pleasure and wet with the intensity of it. Sebastian's lips were red and plump due to his biting and chewing on them, parted breathlessly in small gasps. The sight was so sexy that Kimi could barely keep himself from turning the German around and claiming his lips, but he reined in his want. Yet it didn't mean that he was going to leave those lips alone. He held the younger man's face up and parted those lips with the tips of his fingers.

Sebastian pliantly opened his mouth further and let two fingers past his teeth, a helpless frown creasing his forehead when they swept over his tongue. The strange intimacy and the gentelness of the touch aroused him further and he involuntarily lapped at the fingers, wetting them and watching Kimi on the mirror.

Kimi's eyes narrowed down in concentration at the way Sebastian swallowed and his stretched throat bobbed in a vulnerable way. His fingers caught Seb's tongue and held onto it for a second before he took them out. Then, he played with Seb's lips, tracing them and wetting them before he finally directed Sebastian's chin to the right and kissed him fiercely.

Longing for the feel of Kimi's mouth on his and finally having it, Sebastian moaned into the kiss needily and rubbed himself back to Kimi's crotch, but Kimi abruptly broke their kiss, bewildering and confusing him at the loss of contact.

Unable wait any longer, Kimi detangled himself from Sebastian completely and pulled the younger man's jeans and boxers down, letting them pool around his ankles before he poured some of the lube he had gotten from the bedside drawers right onto Sebastian's lower back, making him flinch at the coldness that travelled down.

Sebastian leaned forward more, because otherwise this was impossible for him to keep standing like that. Kimi smeared the lube on his skin and the first finger was almost enough to make Sebastian come.

“Hold on, Seb…” Kimi leaned forward, too. His hot breath right between Sebastian's shoulder blades. He stopped teasing the German's cock, because it was evident that neither of them were going to last long. He stretched Seb carefully, placating him with his kisses and caresses over his chest and stomach.

“Enough, please, enough…” Sebastian got away from Kimi's fingers, unable to stand the teasing any longer. Their eyes met on the mirror again and even in his daze, he could see that Kimi was close to coming undone, too. But the Finn really had to have an iron control over himself, because in a few breaths, he seemed to be fine again.

Kimi had already rolled a condom on himself, and before he began pushing into the younger man, he hooked an arm under Sebastian's right knee to bring his leg up. It gave Kimi more access and he entered him more easily and swiftly. Predicting that it might cause Sebastian to come earlier than Kimi wanted, he held the base of the younger man's cock, causing him to sob his name out repeatedly.

Sebastian was trembling in his arms and his shoulders shook with the amount of effort he exerted to stay put just like Kimi had wanted him to. “Kimi… Kimi, too much…” He was whimpering, leaning nearly all his weight on the mirror.

“Calm down, baby, breathe…” Kimi urged him, not moving an inch, waiting for Seb to adjust and find his breathing. “Look at me.” He demanded again, but this time his voice was so gentle and low that it helped Sebastian out of his daze a bit as their gazes met again. There was a small smile on Kimi's lips and he nuzzled his cheek on Sebastian's right shoulder. “Love you, Sebby…” He whispered and hugged him to his chest again.

Sebastian sighed at the feeling of security and love that enveloped him, finally some of his tension bleeding away. He nodded, wordlessly telling Kimi to go on.

Kimi took his hand away from Seb's cock and began to thrust into him gently, their labouring breaths loud in his ears. He knew that he was hitting the younger man's sweet spot with his every move as Sebastian began to clench around him in every thrust, that debauched, blissed out look reclaiming the German's features.

They never averted their eyes from each other's and Kimi never stopped caressing Sebastian, sometimes gently, sometimes firmly.

The pleasure built up so rapidly and immensely in Sebastian that when it finally reached its peak, it shook him all over as his orgasm completely blew his mind away and lasted longer than usual. He couldn't keep his eyes open, nor could keep his body upright as he sobbed and whined at the pleasure twisting in his groin and spreading to his whole body.

Watching Sebastian's reactions to what he had been doing to the younger man was enough for Kimi to come, too. He kept on his rocking movement until he felt Sebastian slump against him, and then got out of him and turned him around.

Sebastian's eyes were closed and there wasn't an ounce of strength left in his legs or knees as if they were made of jelly.

The bed was only a few steps away and not wanting to drag him crudely, Kimi all but bridal carried Sebastian to it, surprising him. He placed him on the bed with utmost care, but Seb dragged him down and immediately went for a slow and sloppy kiss.

Kimi let himself recline onto the bed and kissed back Sebastian sweetly, licking at his mouth, letting Seb taste him as much as he wanted. When the German fell a bit back, he looked maybe sexier than before, completely debauched and glowing. “Did I hurt you?” He asked tentatively, hoping for a negative answer.

Sebastian's eyes were filled with warmth and love, the wonderful fatigue of their love making settling over him like a warm blanket, making him pliant. He shook his head and traced a finger over Kimi's lips. “But it was so intense…”

“In a good way, hopefully?” Kimi smiled nervously before it turned relieved upon Seb's answer.

“In an _extremely_ good way, yes…”

Kimi sighed softly and touched their noses. “I was afraid of being rough with you in my jealousy.” He confessed and that made Sebastian's eyes go wide, making his heart skip a beat.

“You were jealous?” He asked with a small voice, a pleased smile spreading on his lips despite himself.

Kimi was ashamed of the feeling, but he admitted to it. “Yes…And I needed to have you…” He confessed.

Heat pooled in Sebastian's stomach again, but he ignored it. “To remind you that I am yours?”

“That and to remind myself I am the one you have chosen to do all that to you… You trusted me with your body and heart, just like I did mine with you… We aren't always aware of it or think about it, but every once in a while, it feels so nice to put some conscious thought to what we've managed to create together…” Kimi shyly smiled again. “Because, it's nothing short of a miracle.”

Sebastian took in a sharp breath and bit on his lower lip even as he was smiling brightly at the words he heard. “I didn't know people could fall in love with the same person over and over again…” He placed a trembling hand on the Finn's cheek.

“Well, that was the aim…” Kimi shrugged smugly, making Seb laugh. “And don't forget that I am yours, too… It goes both ways.”

Sebastian sobered up at the repeated words, nodding. “Always…”

They shared a look that wordlessly communicated their love and trust in to each other and after sealing it with a kiss, Kimi got up.

Seb watched him with a bit of confusion until he realized what the Finn was doing.

Kimi brought him those pants and the t-shirt that he had been looking for in the first place and helped him wear them before he stripped in front of Seb, turning it into an awkward but sexy show and making him laugh.

When Kimi pulled the covers over them, Sebastian took him in his arms and kissed the crown of his head.

They relaxed into each other's embrace, finally peaceful and content, unaware that they were silently thinking of the same thing. That how lucky they were for having each other…

TBC...


	14. Stand By Me

After Sebastian saw Carl off to the hotel where Aina's party was going to be held, he met the representatives from Renault with his lawyer. He didn’t care about the money offered as it was not much, considering that this was just a testing job. What he actually focused on was how soon he could get into an actual formula one car and do testing on the Friday free practices during the grand prix weekends.

Finally, after much deliberation, it was decided that he was scheduled to do his first actual testing this May, during the Barcelona Grand Prix week. Sebastian couldn't suppress the huge grin on his face, overjoyed at the prospect of finding a door that he hoped to be able to open back into the world of Formula One.

This year, Renault Formula One Team was expected to be the top of the midfield pack and Sebastian believed that if he could manage to secure himself a seat for the next year, he could find his way from there on by showing some good results.

He was thrumming with excitement and could barely sit still with the thrill of what he had just signed himself up to. The only thing that dampened his high spirits was the question of how Kimi would react when he'd learn.

Sebastian wanted to tell this to Kimi, share his happiness with the person he loved the most, but was also afraid of Kimi's reaction, of hurting him. He had to think of a good way to break the news to the Finn and maybe then he could mellow down Kimi's aversion of the subject.

He only hoped that it wouldn't put a wedge between them when Kimi would eventually find it out.

* * *

Aina's party had been a huge a success. Especially the paintball tournament had been the highlight of the day and Kimi begrudgingly admitted that Fernando's idea had provided an unforgettable memory for Aina and her friends.

At the end of the day, Kimi was thankful that he had seen less of Fernando than he had expected.  Even though the Spaniard had told him before that he wasn’t going to appear in the disco and the dinner, he had actually showed up. Maybe the reason was Kimi’s snide remark about him not owning up to being Aina’s father even in front of a handful of kids, but whatever the reason was, it made Aina immensely happy.

Fernando shared a dance with Aina at the disco and even though some people had probably recognized him, he had cut her birthday cake with her and Kimi. Then he took a drink and chatted with Carl for a while. The boy seemed quite surprised to find out that Fernando was Aina's other father. Several times, he even glanced at Kimi's way with bewildered eyes as if to ask him what to do or say. But, hell, Kimi himself didn't know what to do about Fernando, let alone give Carl pointers about it.

Luckily, Fernando disappeared after some time without saying much to Kimi. And Kimi was immensely thankful for the silent treatment, though the piercing eyes of the other man had never left him and followed him around like a predator bidding his time. It was unsettling to be the object of those eyes, but Kimi's friends had been with him and their presence had made it easier for Kimi to be around Fernando.

Jenson and Brittny had been especially close to him, Nico and Lewis never leaving him out of their sight and Kimi was forever thankful for their thoughtfulness. Even sweeter than that was the fact that though they all knew about the circumstances of how Kimi and Aina had ended up this way, Kimi had never told them about Fernando's increasingly invasive behavior, yet his friends had instinctively felt protective of him. And realizing that had done wonders to Kimi, helping him forget about Fernando's words.

In the end, the most important thing was Aina's happiness and Aina had been glowing the whole day. She and Carl had looked so nice together as they had danced and Kimi felt grateful that he had hired a professional cameraman to record and photograph everything. He was looking forward to seeing the videos and the pictures together with her.

On Tuesday, when Kimi got the videos and the photos, he came home on high spirits. He began cooking everything that Aina liked and even went about making a batch of chewy caramel candy, because Aina loved it so much.

Aina was already at home and watching the candy bubble in the pot like a cat would watch a jar full of fish, her appetite amusing Kimi to no end.

Kimi was carefully stirring the caramel, the sweet smell of it filling the whole kitchen. “This is almost ready. Can you cut that oiled paper for me?” He asked and took the pot from the stovetop before spreading the still bubbling mix onto a tray and setting it aside for it to cool down.

“Didn’t you make too much this year, dad?” Aina asked while cutting the oiled paper into even rectangles.

Kimi sat down beside her and began cutting, too. “I thought this year we could share some of it.” He offered and that instantly put a knowing smile on her face.

“Like, with a couple of Germans?”

Kimi sighed in fond exasperation. “Why not?” He shrugged a bit shyly. “It has been a while since the four of us were out together.”

“On a date, you mean?” Aina mischievously chuckled and Kimi rolled his eyes at her, smiling.

“Yes, on a date… I might have made some plans for this Sunday.” He told her mysteriously and Aina’s eyes lit up instantly.

“Like what? What did you plan?”

Kimi shook his head with a smug smile. “It’ll be a surprise to all of you.”

Aina took on an equally smug expression, talking without thinking. “Oh, it better surpasses my ice skating date…” When she realized what had slipped out of her mouth, she looked up at Kimi who was regarding her with raised eyebrows. “Oops…”

This time Kimi smiled knowingly. “Oh, tell me about it…” He knew that she had gone to Sebastian’s house once to talk about him, but this was new.

Aina bit on her lip at the awkwardness of being found out due to her own carelessness, but since Kimi and Sebastian was a proper couple now, she saw no reason to not talk about her hand in bringing them together. “Okay… I think every once in a while, it is good to take some credit for the niceties one does, right?” She smirked and made Kimi laugh. “That skating date, I roped Carl into making it seem like we stumbled upon each other…”

“I thought you two roped me and Seb into having your own date with Carl.” Kimi shook his head at her, bewildered.

Aina giggled, cutting more paper as Kimi stacked them. “And I hope you liked your dance songs both at uncle Jenson’s party and at the lake…”

Kimi was wide eyed and a bit embarrassed. “You did that, too?” He snorted fondly when he saw her increasingly smug expression. “Of course, you did…” He smiled, remembering their first kiss on the ice, remembering the time he had seen Sebastian in that dance hall, clad in his dark suit, all handsome and radiant as if the whole lights existed for the sake of illuminating him. He recalled the surge of happiness, the warm hope that filled him to the brim as he rushed to the side of the German that night.

He wasn’t aware, but Aina was watching his expression change while he was lost in his memories. Kimi’s happiness made her immensely happy, too, and she was glad that she had pursued her conviction and pushed him and Sebastian to each other.

“I took six exams in two days to free the Friday for you, but I guess it was worth it, because Sebastian sent me some really good pictures from the lake and the racing track.”

Kimi looked up at Aina with a shocked face. “You did what?”

Aina seemed bewildered at his question, too. “Well, I wanted to free my Friday so that I could leave a day early and you could have one day more to spend with Sebastian… Wasn’t that obvious?” She pursed her lips, gazing back at Kimi’s eyes with an impish smile, but Kimi’s troubled expression alerted her. “Dad, what happened?” She asked, thinking that this was about her failing to inform Kimi on time about her plans. “I am sorry that I left with father a day earlier than I had planned and I really wanted to inform you myself of my plans, but my phone died down and since father told me that he had already called you… I couldn’t call you back until I recharged my phone and find some alone time.”

Kimi didn’t know what to say to her, anger brewing in him. He had already known about her phone, but how could Fernando have told her that he had informed Kimi of their early departure and deceive Aina? The Spaniard was after something, Kimi could tell that much after hearing his ridiculous love confession, but how could he use their daughter to guilt trip Kimi into this mess? He tried to hide his reaction by getting up and checking on the fish in the oven, feeling Aina’s eyes on him. “I thought you had wanted more time to spend with Fernando and that was why you had arranged your exam schedules…” He tried to divert her attention from his boiling temper.

“It was a bonus, but my aim was to give you two more time to make up for the month you have lost…” Aina watched Kimi busy himself in the kitchen, knowing quite well that he was hiding something from her. “Dad, did I cause something unknowingly by doing this?” She asked in a small voice, the daughter of her dad, guessing correctly.

Kimi had his back to her, looking over the tray of caramel and biting on his lip. He needed to decide how much he could afford Aina to know about what was going on between him and Fernando. Was there a way for Kimi to talk about all this mess without him loading his own negative emotions about the Spaniard on her shoulders? He didn’t know, he didn’t want Aina’s opinion of her father to be shaped by Kimi’s aversion of him. He didn’t want to be the parent who would turn their kid against her other parent because of his own problems. His shoulders sagged in defeat and he sighed.

“Dad?” Aina got up from her seat and gently turned him around to make him face her. She reached for his face, cradling his cheeks in her hands and caressing him. “We promised to never hide things from each other, didn’t we?” She looked up to him, their eyes almost identically blue green, soft and filled with the love they had for each other.

He nodded and planted a kiss on her forehead. “Let’s sit somewhere.” He offered and guided her to the living room.

They sat on the same sofa, facing each other, and both watching the other’s expression in apprehension.  
  
“Have you ever resented me for the divorce, Aina?” Kimi preferred to be direct, surprising her with the seemingly unrelated question.   
  
Having not expected something like this, Aina looked at Kimi with wide, innocent eyes. She thought for a moment, trying to guess where the conversation was going, but then she truthfully answered. “Every child wants their parents together, dad.” She told him in a small voice, witnessing the flash of pain in his eyes. “But not at the cost of their happiness, no…” She took his hand in hers and spread his fingers out before pressing her palm to his. She measured her own hand against his and smiled fondly up at him.   
  
“Look how much I have grown…” She bragged to him proudly, wanting him to smile, wanting to erase that deep guilt and hurt that his eyes reflected. “I love you both, dad...” Her voice held all her conviction. “But I am no longer a little kid and I am not blind to see how much hurt he has inflicted upon you, how badly he burnt you… When I think about it all, my love for him wanes... How can I wish you were together when I know it would have been at the cost of your integrity? That… That would have made me hate him, dad…” She shook her head, desperate to make her point come across as she felt an urgency to erase whatever had forced Kimi to ask her that question.

“I love him, but I resent him still… For all the things he had done to you… I am not a fool, dad… I know what we have come to be is the result of his choices, not yours… I wanted to hate him, dad…” Her breathing hitched here even as she tried to swallow the suffocating emotions down.

“Above all others, I have a distinct memory that I can't get out of my head. That time, when you were hospitalized after your argument with him about his decision to race even after that accident he had…” She grimaced, tears collecting in her eyes.

“I really wanted to hate him when he took me from the side of your sick bed, took me to that Grand Prix, made me miss you, made me miss you so much. But I was so afraid he’d crash again if I'd leave his side... I was little, didn’t know any better, couldn’t call you… I just wanted to run away to you…” She was crying.  
  
“Come here, dearest, come here…” Kimi immediately hugged her to his chest, hating the way her shoulders trembled under his touch. “Don’t cry… It’s okay… All in the past, Aina… Please, don’t cry.” He tried to console her, but she got out of his embrace after a pause, needing to tell him these as she looked him in the eyes.   
  
“I know you have been living your life with this sense of guilt, asking yourself if things would have been different… Wondering if you would have endured and tried to find a middle ground, then would I be happier…” She nuzzled her cheek into his palm as Kimi wiped away her tears.   
  
“No, dad… I wouldn’t be any happier than I already am. In fact… I have had my own share of guilt to carry around… Hoping you to forgive me…”   
  
Kimi had no idea what she could be talking about, wiping at her cheeks as gently as he could, his chest hurting at the idea of making his daughter cry over this when tonight was going to be about their own little private celebration. “What is there to forgive, dear?”   
  
“Me loving him even when I know what he had done to you… I… I just can’t reconcile the two emotions, dad, but I also can’t stop feeling like this… I resent him so much when I think about your pain, but I can't help loving him when I see his smile as he calls my name... What do I do? Please, tell me what to do...” She sobbed and this time let Kimi to pull her into his arms.

Kimi’s heart broke apart at her anguish, his own tears wetting his cheeks. “You don't have to try to reconcile those feelings, Aina. That's not something you can do with conscious effort. Either your love outweighs the resentment and the hurt, or the wound festers and swallows whatever you try to hold on to. Time is the one that decides that, not you, dearest.”

Aina swallowed hard and buried her face to his chest. “But aren't I the worst thing? Trying to stay as her father's princess, ignoring how that father has hurt her other parent…” She asked like a little kid.

Her words worried Kimi more, his heart beating uncomfortably in his chest, his breathing rapid. “Why do you think that way, Aina?” He asked, sure that he wasn't going to like her answer.

Aina wished that she had been smaller so that Kimi could just cradle her body completely in his arms and protect her against everything, including her own mind. “But, I… I am really doing this, yeah… I am just trying to live in a safe bubble…” She slowly detangled herself from Kimi's embrace again, this time unable to look into Kimi's eyes.

“I think because of my guilty conscience, I was trying to do everything within my power to get you together with Sebastian… As a compensation for my cruelty against you…”

Kimi took in a sharp breath at her words, unable to believe how Aina could make such a connection. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” He asked in a hoarse voice, tipping her chin to look at her reddened guilt filled eyes. “How could you think this of yourself?”

Aina bit on her lower lip, blinking away her tears and wiping at her face. She decided to be her dad's daughter and be an adult about it. She reached out and wiped away Kimi's tears, too.

“Thank you for helping me realize what I have been ignoring, dad.” She brought his hand up and kissed the back of it. There was a new determined glint in her eyes. “I am going to sort out my feelings about him, think on them, talk with him about them… I won't ignore neither mine nor your pain anymore just to get the feel-good of having all his attention on me…” She declared, completely throwing Kimi off with her maturity. “So, please tell me what have made you ask me this question?”

Kimi held on her smaller hands and realized that he was on the verge of a big decision. Should he tell about Fernando's lie to her and pull her spirits down, forcing a burden on her shoulders that he never would've wanted her to carry as she was on the edge of a great change in her life.

If Fernando's lies and deceit would hurt her aspirations for future, Kimi would tear into him like a lion. And he knew that Fernando would hate to be the cause of something like that, too. That sinister man apparently had a bone to pick with him, but Kimi was sure that the Spaniard didn’t want to drag their daughter into it. He’d bet that Fernando wasn't even aware of how his words could indirectly hurt Aina, too. He really had to talk with the other man even though after that love confession he never wanted to see him again.

“It was a hunch that I had, Aina.” Kimi leaned in and kissed her forehead, smiling a bit to encourage a smile on her face, too. “I feared that you were feeling torn between us, feared that I was making you feel guilty for desiring to spend more time with him.”

Aina finally smiled again, even though it was a rueful one. “I have been feeling guilty, yes… But for a completely different reason, dad… Sorry to worry you like this.”

Kimi admired her, his love for her swelling in his chest and filling him up. He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, bopped her nose and tipped her chin up. “You've really grown up in every sense, huh?” He murmured. “I am so proud of you, Aina.”

She ducked her head shyly and hugged him, putting her head over his heart.

They stayed like that for a while, Kimi running his fingers through Aina's hair and Aina listening to his heart beats. They were finally calm and feeling relieved of some of their different brands of burdens. But there was still one thing that Aina needed to talk about with Kimi.

“Father has bought the fifteen percent of Renault Formula One Team and gifted it to me as a birthday present.” She blurted it out quickly, pressing her lips into a thin line as she waited for his reaction.

Kimi's hand stopped in her hair for a moment and he looked down at her face, seeing her apprehensive expression. “It would be a lie if I said I am not surprised.” He gave this a serious thought. “Everything we have is yours; he must have just put it on the paper.” He didn't think Fernando appointing Aina as the sole inheritor of his fortune was a bad thing, it was his choice and Kimi never wanted a dime from him. But the timing of the extravagant gift was a bit too perfect. He couldn't help but think that there was a reason behind it all.

“I really didn't want it, but he said the same thing.” Aina shrugged in his hold. “It is so big and strange… But now at least I know where I am going to do my internship in a few years.” She chuckled nervously.

Kimi tried to divert her attention from the touchy subject. “I guess my own gift will seem a bit pale besides Fernando's.” He joked, knowing that Aina didn't compare or value the material worth of things. That immediately perked her up.

“What is it? What is it?” She leaned back and looked at him with wide wonder filled eyes.

Kimi enjoyed her enthusiasm, smiling. He got up, went to his room and returned back with a black velvet covered box. He put it in her awaiting hands, kissing the crown of her head. “Happy birthday to my precious girl!”

She opened the box and saw a pair of cute earrings, each one set with a beautiful aquamarine stone, lined around with small brilliant diamonds. They were so chic that she could wear them with anything she owned and they wouldn't look out of place. “So beautiful!” She hugged Kimi firmly, really loving the jewelry he chose for her.

“Made me think of your eyes…” Kimi helped her wear them and she rushed to the nearest mirror to look at herself.

They really set off her eyes and suited her youth. “The party dress Carl gifted to me…” She realized something, turning around and looking at Kimi's knowing smile. “How come is it the same color? A perfect match…”

Kimi shrugged. “I might have given him some pointers…”

“You planned this?”

“There might be matching shoes and a clutch to your dress, too, in the closet of your room…” Kimi revealed and laughed at her little squeal of delight.

Watching her gush about his presents was the best energy boost that Kimi could have ever asked for. And he counted himself as the luckiest man on Earth for having her in his life against all odds and hardships that life had thrown at him.

* * *

“Did my father make you sweat?” Aina asked a bit mischievously, finding a picture of Fernando talking with Carl. She and Carl were going through the photos taken during her birthday as they sat in the school library, having a break from their studies.

Carl shrugged with a small smile. “He was fine… Just a bit curious, understandably.”  He went through some other pictures and something that he had realized during the party caught his attention here, too.

In the shots that included Fernando, Carl could see that the man’s eyes were always on Kimi. Carl couldn’t describe the look the Spaniard had, but it felt intimate as if he was prying on something he shouldn’t see.

Fernando had watched Kimi for as long as he had stayed at the party. It was impossible to not see his undivided attention on Kimi and even though the two men didn’t exchange too many words, any fool could read how charged the atmosphere between them had been. Sexually…

Carl was no expert in relationships. Hell, he hadn’t had any longterm or serious relationships with anyone until he met Aina. But those eyes had been unmistakably sizing Kimi up with longing and some well controlled emotion that Carl couldn’t pin point. Was it anger? Aggression? He didn’t know, but he genuinely wondered if Aina was not aware of it. “I want to ask you something, but it is quite personal, you may not want to answer it…”

Aina looked up and tilted her head. “Ask away…” She permitted without hesitation.

“Is Fernando still in love with Kimi?”

Aina’s eyebrows rose comically at the question as her mouth dropped a bit open. She had never given a real thought about it before, but when Carl explained her why he thought that way, she paled a bit.

“He sometimes makes jokes about Kimi being his eternal love, but, Carl… You don’t know the circumstances of their divorce. Nobody can make me believe that he loves Kimi anymore.”

“But apparently he does…” Carl pointed out. “Every joke has a bit of truth in them, they say.”

Aina sighed deeply, her face going pensive and solemn. “It is hard to talk about this when he is famous and tries to hide his sexuality.” Aina worried her bottom lip for a moment in thought.

“Carl, he had cheated on dad for nearly two years. Men, women… He still has too many casual relationships… I am pretty sure he is still hurting the heart of one or two people because of this. So, nobody would believe him even if he’d profess his love for them on his knees.” One Mark Webber came to her mind that she had met and liked over the years, whose heart was probably among the ones hurting because of Fernando. “Do you remember his accident in Brazil? The one that reduced the car into just the cockpit?”

Carl shook his head, looking up at it on his phone as Aina talked.

“It happened when I was eight. He couldn’t drive for four races. He had many accidents before that, too, but I guess it was the last drop that spilled the cup.” She began playing with her pencils, scribbling nonsensical drawings on her books.

“Kimi wanted him to stop, told him that he had already gotten his championships, the money, the fame… That he had us. But Fernando refused. He wanted to be successful in Ferrari, wanted to become a champion for them. Dad accused him of being needlessly greedy, of preferring fame and fortune over his family and his safety. Though it was long in the making, they had a huge fight over it, Carl.” She sighed deeply at the bitter memory. “Which triggered dad’s asthma attack and he was hospitalized. And do you know what father did? He took me with him and went to the next Grand Prix and raced, leaving my dad alone until my grandpa came to his side.”

Carl couldn’t believe it.

“Would you call this love?” Aina shook her head at her own question, her lips down turned in pain. “Father has always turned small matters into big arguments, blamed his failures on the team, on Kimi… He was never satisfied, always asking for the best, wanting more… Kimi had tolerated this quite some time, but I think after that big fight, seeing what father’s priorities were, Kimi slowly fell out of love with him. And according to Fernando that let to him cheating on dad, which is unjust, because he was the one who started all this mess.”

Carl openly grimaced at her story for several reasons, one of them being Sebastian’s disregard of his own safety and ambition to race again not as a passion, but as a form of self punishment. The resemblance was uncanny and if his hunch about what Sebastian was currently trying to do was right, it wasn’t going to be very pretty for him and Kimi. “But Kimi is aware that Seb is aiming to return to Formula One, right?”

Aina nodded, recalling Kimi’s words after what happened at the frozen lake. “He is fearful of the prospect, saying that Sebastian wants too much, that he wants the world…”

Carl wondered what Kimi was thinking now that he had an idea about the motivation behind Sebastian’s ambitions. He had been beating himself up over revealing those bits about Seb to Kimi, but after hearing Aina’s words, he believed that he had done the right thing by telling Kimi all that. “If he manages to get a seat, Seb will have a hard time in explaining his reasons to Kimi…” He prophesized.

That perked Aina’s attention. “Why is that so?”

“I talked to your dad about this, because Seb doesn't seem to be going to open up about this to him any time soon, but you need to know, too…” He began and told her everything about Seb's accident and how it had torn down their family and messed up Sebastian's psychology.

Aina held onto Carl's hand as he spoke, gently massaging and squeezing it to show her concern. She could never have guessed that Carl and Sebastian had been harboring and suffering through a secret like this, neither of them ever giving away a clue about this deep wound that they both carried.

“You are so brave.” She whispered when he stopped talking. “You love him so much.”

Carl looked up at her with widening eyes, his brows furrowed in helplessness. “He has always been my hero, Aina, I can't _not_ love him…” He swallowed down his tears, trying to smile. “I just hope that he can get out of this mental frame he has. It is no life dragging this much guilt behind without actually being the one to be blamed for it.”

Aina pulled Carl towards her and hugged him gently, rocking him back and forth a bit, running her hand through his hair like Kimi would do for her whenever she’d need some consolation. She felt worried for Carl, worried for Kimi and Sebastian about the inevitable day when the two men would sit down and talk this out. “It is funny how it affects us all when something happens to one of us…” She mused as she ruffled Carl’s hair.

“I am sorry for this to turn into your and Kimi’s problem, too, Aina.” Carl leaned a bit away, taking her hands into his larger ones. There was regret and sadness in his eyes, but Aina smiled up at him, dissipating the negative emotions with her words.

“It affects us all, because we are like a small family now, aren’t we?” She giggled bashfully. “And families are there to share the burden and lessen it. We’ll help Sebastian, because we are in this same boat together now.”

“Family, huh?” A smile spread on Carl’s lips, too, despite himself, his chest filling with hope. He didn’t know that he had needed to hear these words so much until Aina had spoken them. And he couldn’t be any happier.

* * *

It was the Friday evening before the Bahrain Grand Prix and Sebastian had been on the phone, having just turned down Kimi’s offer to spend the Sunday with him and Aina, telling him that he had to be somewhere else until next Wednesday.

Carl watched him with observant eyes, knowing full well how Kimi and Aina had been looking forward to this outing for the four of them which Sebastian was so quick to brush aside. He claimed that he had to personally attend a business related convention of sorts and asked Kimi if he could push his plans back to a week later.

Kimi relented, as much as Carl had caught from their conversation, without asking any questions. The Finn was an unsuspecting, trusting man like that and Carl felt offended in Kimi’s stead. Because, he could tell from a mile that Sebastian had lied to Kimi.

He debated whether to confront him about that, but he decided to wait for Sebastian’s return from wherever he was planning to go.

Sebastian was going to Enstone early the next morning. He was filled with nerves, because finally he was going to give his measurements for his livery and helmet, and then get a seat fitting for him. He was going to test the racing simulator and go under a check up for his health status.

It had been bad timing that all these had to coincide with Kimi’s plans, but he had no power to push the team’s appointments a few days back or forth for them to suit to his own fancy.

Carl was giving him suspicious eyes, but he knew how to divert his attention. There was a football match tonight and the boy always liked a good one. So, he prepared snacks for the two of them, even a couple of beers, and turned the TV on, inviting him over to the large couch in the living room.

Carl came over and took the offered can of beer and began watching the game. He shouldn’t have been surprised to see that they’d easily fallen into their usual routine of making comments and giving pointers about the match that nobody had asked for and swearing a bit here and there, getting frustrated and sharing laughs. But the good mood only lasted until Sebastian offhandedly asked him about why he had missed last week’s match at school.

Carl was actually thankful for the subject to pop up in the natural flow of their conversation; so he didn’t beat around the bush either. “I dropped out of the club.” He confessed and pretended to not care about the wide eyes that turned to his way in alarm.

“Why did you do something like that?” Sebastian turned bodily to his nephew, a frown creasing his forehead.

Carl took a deep breath and faced his uncle, trying to act nonchalant about it to not agitate Sebastian. “I had to decide on my priorities and getting into a good university outweighed the thrill of playing football. So I decided to drop the club and study harder on my lessons.”

Sebastian’s good mood went down the drain at Carl’s words, knowing how much of a passion football was to the boy. “I can hire you private tutors…” He tried, only to be shot down by Carl.

“I am already staying behind for supplementary classes. I have the best teachers.” He told him with conviction.

That made Sebastian recall finding Carl in Kimi’s class last week. He realized that this thing had been going on for quite a while.

“Haven’t you seen my midterm report?” Carl asked, surprised that Sebastian looked so shocked at the news.

“I thought if there was a problem, you’d come to me, say something… I don’t know…  Maybe talk to me?” Sebastian looked at him with bewildered eyes.

Carl bit his lip. This also proved that his uncle had been expecting the best from him. He pulled up his grades from the school’s site and showed him his phone.

Sebastian looked at the grades and saw that none of them were the full mark, but they couldn’t be considered low either. He remembered Carl once mentioning that he aimed for the same university as Aina wanted to go. Was this about her? “Is this not enough to get into the same school as Aina?” He wondered aloud, but Carl shook his head.

“This has nothing to do with her. It would have been nice, but I am not on the same level with her, I can never be. She is something else.” Carl dreaded the next question, but he knew it coming.

Sebastian took it in stride. In fact, he was glad to see that Carl was not trying to shape himself into a mold to be able to be with her. That reminded him of Kimi too much. “Then, are you fine with a lower level school?”

Carl nodded. “As long as I am somewhere close to Aina and you, I am okay.” He murmured, trying his everything to seem like he was alright with what he had, because he really was.

Sebastian felt a bit of disappointment in Carl's resignation, wondering what his sister would think if she had been the one hearing her son talk this way about his future. Would she have felt disappointed that her son wouldn’t be able to make it to a top school? Would she not care if he'd continue as he was as long as he had fun? Sebastian didn’t know and not knowing it pained him to no end.

“So, if it is not important for you and if you don’t honestly believe that you can make it to your top choice, then why did you break your routine? You could continue playing… I don’t understand why you give up on yourself like this…”

Sebastian’s agitation was palpable; Carl could taste it on his tongue. “Seb, I just wanted to make sure that I had tried everything within my power…”

“What for? For a fight that you have already accepted the defeat?” Sebastian narrowed his eyes down at him. Giving up had never been in his book, he was appalled that his nephew could think this way. “But, no, no, no, wait… You don’t even see this as a fight, do you?” He scrutinized Carl, realization dawning on him. “You are doing this for me, aren’t you?” He nodded to himself, a self deprecating smile appearing on his lips.

Carl couldn’t take it. “Yes, I am!” He told him in desperation. “I will try my best, so that you won’t feel disappointed in yourself because of my own failure!”

Sebastian exhaled shakily at the confession, his eyes going wide with hurt. “Wh-what?”

“Don’t deny it, please just don’t… You and I, we both know how you judge yourself over each and all of my own shortcomings as if they are your own, as if you are the one responsible of them, not me… As if I could have done better if you could have done better…” Carl blurted out, hoping that Sebastian would understand him and let his needless guilt go.

“That’s not the case, uncle… But I know how you feel about my future and I was never going to mention this dropping out matter to you, knowing that you’d feel yourself bad over it, too.”

Sebastian listened to him with a bitter smile on his face. “So, you are trying to eliminate the reasons that might make me question my own ability in being a parental guardian to you…” He snorted at himself, self hatred brewing in him for making Carl to even think this way.

“You shouldn’t have done this, Carl…” He turned his dark eyes at the boy, seeing the fear and the desperation on his pale face and loathing himself for being the one to put it there. “You should live your life however you want, do whatever you wish for, never regret your decisions, and never feel left out of anything you’d ever wanted to do… I've never wanted you to feel the need to appease my ego like this. You never owed me anything, Carl… I am the one who owes you...”

“No… No, stop! Don't even say that… No…” Carl protested, trying to scoot closer to Seb on the couch, his eyes tearing up when two fat tear drops tumbled down Sebastian’s eyes. But before he could touch him, Sebastian got up from the couch.

Unable to deal with how their conversation took a turn for the worst with just a question of his, Sebastian tried to get away. He didn't want to upset either of them more than he’d already done, so he fell back a few steps away from Carl, looking anywhere but at the boy. “I know I can never replace your parents, I can never provide you with the world that they could have offered to you… But at least, I can give you this…”

Carl jumped to his feet, too, stepping up to Sebastian who was backing away. “Give me what? A way out of feeling responsible for my own choices and shouldering the disappointment of my own shortcomings? Seb, you are not the Atlas! You are just a human being, too!”

Sebastian was shaking his head, trying to clear it from all the hurt that assaulted him so unexpectedly, so suddenly. He never wanted to have this conversation with Carl; he wasn’t able to get over the guilt even after his therapy sessions. He didn’t know what to say to the boy, he couldn’t even understand his own need to shoulder the whole weight of the situation. “I… I am trying my best…” He mumbled, furiously wiping away his tears.

“You don’t have to, Seb…” Carl tried to reach out to him, but Sebastian stepped away again. “Let me try my best in my own stead. Let me shoulder the consequences of my own choices. Please, realize that I can’t grow up strong if I can’t at least do that much.”

Sebastian was biting on his lip hard enough to make it bleed, his hands balled into fists on his either side as Carl tried to talk some sense into him, speaking up his mind like he had never done before. The boy was right, Sebastian knew that deep down inside. He wasn’t doing good by trying to shelter him from everything, trying to provide with him everything and shouldering all his failures and all his shortcomings as if they were his own doing. This was a twisted approach, but his guilty conscience wasn’t letting him out of its clutches.

He took a few deep breaths to collect himself and nodded his head again. “Okay…” He murmured, taking another step away. “But promise me something… You won’t act like you have been defeated even before you begin. Drop out or stay in the club, do whatever you wish for, but do them with your best, not just try.” Then he turned around and rushed out of the house, unable to stay inside any longer.

Carl called after him, wanting to talk more, wanting to tell him how he felt about him, wanting to heal a bit of his wounds about the deaths of his parents and Seb’s guilt, but Sebastian didn’t stay.

Their talk did not reach to an actual conclusion and Carl feared that it might have caused more damage than what there had already been there. A few minutes later, he heard the roar of Sebastian’s car and he sat down back on the couch with his head in his hands.

He stayed like that for a long time, feeling helpless. He didn't know how to approach this mess anymore and he really needed some guidance. Then, his hand went to his phone and he pulled up his grandfather's contact. He hated worrying his grandpa and grandma with this, but they already knew everything. And he needed to hear their calming voice, too. Maybe Norbert and Heike would give him some advice and calm his hurting heart down.

Oh, how he wished that they had been here with him now.

_TBC…_

 


	15. Shape Of My Heart

It was the beginning of a new week, but instead of being full of energy for it, Kimi was in a sour mood, walking around with a deep frown on his face. The only times he smiled was when he was in his classroom and with his students.

Now, Kimi was sitting in the school cafeteria alone and even though it was lunch time, he didn't get anything other than a cup of black coffee. His permanent frown had to have drawn the attention of his friends, too, because Jenson, Nico, and Lewis approached him about it.

The other men sat down in front of him with their food trays, Nico carrying an extra and pushing it towards Kimi. “When are we meeting up and who are we beating up, mate?” He asked with a mischievous grin, stabbing his fork into the chicken breast on his plate.

That actually managed to get an amused snort out of Kimi. He shook his head at Nico's playfulness. “And here I was thinking you guys were too old to be still in your delinquent phase...”

“Never too old to help out a friend, Kimi.” Jenson eyed him and then gave a nudge to the tray as if to remind Kimi that it was his. “Eat something. All day you have only drunk coffee. You’ll ruin your stomach.”

The food they'd brought for him was a favorite of Kimi’s, salad with shredded salmon. His friends’ thoughtfulness and willingness to help warmed Kimi’s heart and put a grateful smile on his face. “Thank you, guys.” He murmured and picked up his fork.

They all nodded at him and together they ate in companionable silence until Kimi decided that he needed to talk to let out some steam.

“My mother’s illness is getting worse.” He sighed in mental exhaustion. “Rami called Aina to celebrate her birthday and Aina asked for my mom, too… She could barely form coherent sentences. Rami had lied a bit to persuade Aina to believe that everything was alright. But when we could talk privately, he told me how her heart was getting weaker by the day.”

Lewis bit on his lower lip, sharing Kimi's sadness and worry. “Mate, is there anything we can do to help you out?” He asked in Nico and Jenson's stead, too, putting another sad smile on Kimi's lips when he saw their concerned expressions.

Kimi shook his head again. “Thank you, but all I can do is wait and hope that she gets a bit better.” He pushed the fork around in the salad bowl, wishing that either he had been there to check up on her or she had been living with him so that he could look after her by himself. “Not that I don't trust Rami with our mom, but as a son, I have always felt inadequate after my father's death.” He opened up about his feelings, something he rarely did with others.

“I hope it won't come to that, but if an emergency happens, we can fill in your lessons anytime, mate, you know that…” Lewis assured and the other two immediately agreed.

Kimi swallowed the lump in his throat, emotion welling up in his chest even as he kept his face schooled, but his eyes told another story. “I’ll keep it in my mind.” He smiled at them and Nico reached out to pat him on the arm.

“Anytime, Kimi…” The younger man emphasised.

Jenson observed his friend some more and read him quickly as it was one of his strong suits. “But this doesn't seem to be the sole thing on your mind?” He pointed out correctly.

Kimi blinked up at him, surprised by his observation.

“Would you like to talk?” Jenson asked, possibly thinking that his other problem was about Sebastian.

Normally, nobody could make Kimi talk about his personal life and problems, but Jenson, Lewis and Nico were exceptions. Jenson had been with him through the worst of his times, and Nico and Lewis had earned his trust. They were his precious people and Kimi always turned to them when there was something that he couldn't tackle by himself, knowing that he'd at least find somebody who was willing to listen to him even when there was nothing that they could do about it. So, he didn't see any reason to hide his concerns from them.

“Fernando is playing at something and he even lied to Aina.” He began and told them all about the Spaniard's love confession and how he had used Aina's plan to his own convenience to get him worried and guilt trip him into believing that their divorce had been hurting her.

They all looked disgusted at the scheming, but Jenson seemed even more worried about the confession part. “Could he really be still in love?” He was frowning in deep concern, because he was the only other person present who knew Fernando personally.

“He claims to be so…” Kimi shrugged, rubbing a hand at his face in exasperation and anger. “I no longer care what he feels for me, but if his vendetta with me hurts Aina in any way, I will personally drag him into hell…” He promised solemnly.

Thoughtful silence settled over their table, all men with a different question in their heads. “Has he been showing any interest before?” Nico asked in a small voice. He seemed genuinely disturbed.

Kimi hesitantly nodded, scratching at his nose and cheek like whenever he felt nervous. “If I have to give an honest answer, yes… He never ceased showing physical interest, but I always thought he was doing that to mock and intimidate me. But I agree... Something must have spurred him on.”

“He must have found out about Sebastian…” Lewis made a guess and truth be told, Kimi hoped it wasn't the case.

Jenson nodded. “But that doesn't give him the right to pester Kimi about it.”

“Sebastian knows about him, right?” Nico asked again. “He wasn't at Aina's party.”

Kimi worried his lower lip, unable to look his friends in the eye. “He knows how we got divorced. He knows I am keeping in touch with him due to Aina. But I didn't tell him about this recent situation.”

Jenson, Nico, and Lewis all shared a look, their expressions tense. It was Jenson who asked the dreaded question. “Why aren't you telling him this, Kimi?”

Kimi raised his eyes at his friends with the expression of a man who had heard something outrageous. “I, a grown ass man, will tell him that my ex has just professed his love for me and then sit back and watch Sebastian deal with it?” He questioned. “Jenson, not only it's unfair to Seb to be dragged into this, but also I am not some trophy for them to fight over.” He openly grimaced. “And if Fernando continues with his shit, it's my problem to deal with him accordingly, not Sebastian's.”

Jenson tried to instill some sense to him. “That’s a sound way to look at it, but I think Sebastian should know of this. This has the potential to turn into something quite ugly. I know Fernando, if that man has a plan on his mind, he'd do everything in his power to see it realized.”

Kimi was aware of that, too, painfully so. But he also didn't want to agitate Sebastian with it. What did he have in his hand? Just a love confession… He highly doubted that the Spaniard would overstep his boundaries if he really knew of Sebastian's existence in his life. It should act as a deterrent and be enough proof and warning for Fernando to stay away.

“I'll try to handle this myself. As it is, Sebastian already has enough on his plate.” He decided.

Jenson got deflated by his stubbornness, but he still looked worried.

“Mate, if you can't talk to Sebastian, you have us. Don't forget it, okay?” Lewis reached out and patted Kimi's shoulder.

Nico joined him and after standing up to leave, he tried to raise his spirits, too. “You don't have to face this alone, Kimi. Our offer stands forever.”

Kimi smiled up at him and watched him leave with Lewis. He prepared to get ready to leave, too, but Jenson had remained behind and seemed to have something more to say.

“Are you meeting up with him?” Jenson eyed him knowingly. “That's why you are so agitated, isn't it?”

It was Kimi's turn to deflate. He slumped back to his chair, his lips turning into a thin line. “I have to. I need to learn what he knows and why he is doing this to me, even using Aina…” He explained.

Jenson grimaced. “When and where?”

Kimi's displeasure was palpable. “I shouldn't have told you this. I got you worried over nothing…”

“This is not nothing, Kimi… You are my friend and your well-being is important for me.” Jenson told him with conviction.

A shy and soft look claimed Kimi's features, making him look younger and innocent. “Tomorrow… In the forest resort at 6 pm…”

Jenson nodded with determination. “I'll call you at 7 sharp to check upon you, okay?”

Kimi resisted rolling his eyes at his friend, because he knew that Jenson was doing this because he was genuinely concerned. “I feel like a little kid going on a dangerous date…” He murmured sarcastically, but it mostly came out depressed.

A sad smile appeared on Jenson's lips at his words. “Better be safe than sorry, Kimi…” He stood up, too, and waited for Kimi to join him.

Kimi took a deep breath and realized that he felt better than before thanks to talking with the other men. He fell into step with Jenson and before they needed to part their ways to go to their respective classrooms, he held out his hand.

Jenson smiled freely this time, understanding that this was how Kimi wanted to show his gratitude. He grabbed the Finn's hand in a powerful hold and gave it a firm shake.

“Some fierce friends you guys are, especially you…” Kimi thanked him shyly and made Jenson chuckle fondly at him.

“Just as you are, mate… Just as you are…”

* * *

Fernando had just returned from Bahrain. Even his luggage was still sitting besides the bed and he was a bit irritated to stop by here, instead of directly going back to his home in Britain. But Kimi had called him and told him that they needed to talk.

He had no idea what the Finn was going to say, since he had made it clear that he didn't want to hear about his love for him anymore. Kimi had sounded quite put off on the phone and didn't explain his reason, so it was going to be news for Fernando.

He got a shower and changed into some blue jeans and a sweater, ordered room service and asked it to be placed on the balcony. It was a warm evening and he had been in the confines of a plane for far too long. So, he wanted to enjoy the open air.

Not long after he had finished his dinner and ordered for a set of tea and coffee for two, Kimi arrived.

Truth be told, Kimi didn't want to be alone with Fernando in the Spaniard's room. Not hiding his displeasure, he hesitated on the main doorway and Fernando quickly picked up at it.   
  
“We can go out if you want?” He offered, but Kimi remained indecisive. “I ordered tea and coffee for us in the balcony…” Fernando tried again and this time, possibly because of his aversion for having an audience as he talked, Kimi entered the room and quickly made it to the said balcony.   
  
Fernando shook his head after him, finding the Finn's gruff attitude needless. He took the opposite chair and prepared a serving of black coffee for Kimi and some tea for himself, looking back at him with a completely nonchalant expression. “So, what do I owe this occasion to?”   
  
Thankful that they were at least going to sit in the balcony, Kimi narrowed his eyes down at Fernando judgingly. “Aina…” He grumbled, not touching the coffee the Spaniard had offered.   
  
Completely unaffected, Fernando raised an eyebrow at him as if telling him to continue.   
  
“Why did you lie to her when you took her to Enstone?” Kimi's tone was accusing and his eyes were hard.

 _Ah, that…_ Fernando huffed, always a fan of Kimi's directness. “Told you… I don't want her to feel guilty for spending time with me and when I realized that she had postponed telling her plans to you until the last minute, I though she didn't know how to break it to you. So I lied, yes… I was going to call you and tell about our plans, but I didn't have some alone time until we got to the electronics shop. And you called first, so…”

Kimi listened to him patiently, not buying his bullshit in the least. “Wow…” He exhaled sharply, a derisive smile tugging at his lips. “You could have told me this when I had first called you… Instead, guilt tripping me into believing that our divorce had been tormenting her was more profitable for your agenda, right?”

Fernando could tell it easily when Kimi was angry. His outwardly calm disposition hid his boiling ire well, but Fernando knew him since their childhood and was aware how destructive Kimi's calm anger could be. “I don't have any hidden agenda… What I do and say are the same if you are talking about our dinner and what I had told you then.”

Kimi completely turned his body to him and leaned a bit forward. The hand that was resting on the table in between them turned into a fist and it was evident that he could barely sit still. “I am talking about Aina and how you dared to use her to hurt me, Fernando.” He spat through his gritted teeth.

“I didn't do such thing!” Fernando was quick to protest even though he knew that Kimi was right. He turned towards Kimi, too, and gave him his full attention. “I still genuinely believe what I have told you about her then. She was really upset for being with me instead of being beside you when you fell sick in her absence a few months ago. That was but a recent example. This happened so many times, during the race weekends, when I would take her with me… During the summer holidays… She'd always be restless, always be on tenterhooks… Never fully enjoying her time with me… And please guess the reason why!”

Kimi's harsh expression slowly turned to a great show of distaste. “Oh, I have a reason for you, yes…” His eyes narrowed down, his jaw clenched. “She was always restless, because she was feeling guilty for loving you, Fernando…” He quickly raised a finger and stopped Fernando's oncoming protest even before he could make it. “And don't you even dare to ask me why she would even feel that way…” He took a deep breath to calm himself down, because he felt tense like a wire.

“I did nothing for her to hate me.” Fernando declared in such clear cut conviction that for a moment Kimi could only look at him with wide eyes, completely dumbfounded.

When he found his grip on his ire back, Kimi snorted and nodded in a deprecating acceptance one would assume when dealing with a snobbish brute. “You cheated on me and destroyed our love, Fernando. Do you think Aina is a fool and can't see that?” He asked, his disgust clear.

Fernando regarded Kimi in equal calmness and sipped at his tea, knowing that he was fraying Kimi's nerves with every little thing he did. “If anything, _mi amor_ , I can only be held accountable for destroying our marriage. You were the one who destroyed our love.”

“For the love of God, stop saying that! Did you ask of my opinion before fucking that Italian actor? And all the others after him? You just happily hopped from bed to bed! Just accept that you like keeping your dick wet!”

Fernando had the audacity to laugh at that. Though it was mirthless, it angered Kimi more. “All because of you, Kimi… But that's between us and has nothing to do with Aina. I never betrayed her and will never do it in the future, either.”

Kimi inhaled and exhaled in such an exasperated way that anyone could see how fed up with everything he was. He resisted running his hands through his hair, because he didn't want to show how much Fernando was agitating him. “If you still have an honest bone left in your body, then you'd act on these words of yours, Fernando. Don't ruin her trust in you, don't kill her love for you! Don't use her to get back at me!”

“Get back at you?” Fernando straightened up, his hand slapping at the table. “Here I am saying I love you and you accuse me of trying to hurt you! Are you even listening to me?”

Kimi shook his head dismissively at Fernando's claim even though it hurt him to hear it again. He raised a hand as if he wanted to prevent Fernando from saying more. “Will you stop this nonsense?” He asked, mistrust evident in his icy glare. “This is not about us. This is about our daughter. Your actions led us to this path and have you ever stopped to think how she feels about your unfaithfulness? About you choosing your good lays, the fame and the euphoria of success over us?”

With piercing eyes Kimi nailed Fernando in his spot. “No, you haven't… Because you think I deserved your lies and punishment for slowly turning cold towards you. But you forget that you were the reason of that fall out with the choice you had made. And by doing that you have also punished Aina…”

Fernando never turned away from Kimi's harsh glare, his own dark brown eyes turning cloudy with thought. He leaned his chin on a hand and observed the Finn with a serious but unreadable expression. “Always the right one...” He murmured in a hushed voice, but his words were clear. “Yes, I did you wrong.” He accepted, smoothing his beard in a nervous gesture. “Yes, I did hurt you… But why couldn't you ever get over of your jealousy, huh? You stopped, I went forward and grabbed a hold of my dream! You have no right to resent me for it and turn your jealousy into this hatred against me!” His voice began to rise. “For the life of me, I still can't understand why you have demonized me for choosing my career over the stagnancy that you love so much and given me the hell for it!”

“Are you for real? My jealousy? That has nothing to do with the shit you pulled on me! Stopping was not my choice, but becoming an engineer was mine and what did I get for it? Just bullshit after bullshit on my honest and hardwork! You left me alone in a hospital room, damn you! You took Aina away to a Grand Prix without my consent!” Kimi snarled at him and this time, it was Fernando's turn to raise his hand.

“You have never understood my passion, have you? You have never felt this heat that burns in my veins… You know nothing about how I can't stay still like you!”

“Oh, but I know!” Kimi raised his voice over the Spaniard's, hitting the table with his clenched fist. “I know of the tantrums you threw every time you didn't win! I know of the arguments you started every time you had a DNF. I still remember how you used to blame it all on me and the team, belittling our hard work, insulting me, insulting my dedication and proficiency in my work… Do you have any idea how that felt when I had done all of that for you?”

Fernando took in all Kimi's contempt and breathed deeply to calm himself down. He knew the Finn was right. He knew that he had been the one who started it all, but Kimi had not been blameless according to him. “Alright, okay…” He pressed his lips into a thin line and raised both hands up, palms open, as if to placate Kimi.

“We did this all in such a wrong way that all we are able to do now is to talk in tangents.” He told Kimi calmly, watching as some of the anger leave the other man's features. Taking courage from that, he leaned forward and looked into Kimi's eyes. “I want to redo all this… From the start… I want you back.”

Kimi closed his eyes for a second and pinched the bridge of his nose. He leaned back into his chair and turned his eyes at the scenery the balcony was facing. It was already dark and a cool breeze was rustling the trees of the forest nearby. He felt utterly drained against the Spaniard's insistent behavior.

“Firstly, never call me _mi amor_ again.” He spoke in a deadly calm way, giving a murderous side eye at Fernando. “Secondly, I am not an object that you can drop and then pick up whenever you feel like it. I am not a trophy that you have lost and now can win over again. It's over.”

At Kimi's analogy, Fernando's eyes narrowed down dangerously and a severe frown creased his forehead. “Why?” He asked with a degrading smile. “Because someone else has already won you over?”

For a moment, Kimi didn't know what to say, but thankfully he managed to keep his face neutral. “What do you mean?” He asked, trying to act completely disinterested.

Fernando laughed at his face, but it contained anything but mirth. “Stop playing me for a fool, Kimi. I know you're seeing Sebastian fucking Vettel.”

Kimi had been aware of the possibility of Fernando knowing about them, but it didn't lessen the force of the blow. He was sure that Aina wouldn't tell anything to the Spaniard and Kimi wondered how the other man could still have this hold over his life even though Kimi knew nothing about Fernando's.

“Oh, you suddenly fell silent…” Fernando observed in amusement, pouring himself another cup of tea. “I am really surprised though… You ran away from me only to go and find someone from the sports that you despised, someone so similar to me that it is like a joke…” He baited, trying to gauge Kimi's reaction.

Kimi looked back at him with all the contempt that he could muster, keeping silent.

“Let's see…” Fernando sneered at Kimi's silent treatment. “Unsurprisingly, what you hated in me are all present in your German, too. I hope you are aware of it, no?” He asked with raised eyebrows, anger burning his insides. At Kimi's defiant and secretive attitude, he stopped trying to mellow down his own reactions. “What were you doing, trying to find me again but with a different face?” He laughed some more, but it was all hollow.

Kimi’s chest was tight and he could feel the first tendrils of a big headache in his temples, but he also knew that Fernando was goading him. He decided that staying silent and neither confirming nor denying this was the best thing to do, because Fernando didn't seem to be going to stop.

“What do we have here, hmm? He is a ball of greed just like me, because he has intimately tasted how it feels to lose control. And he wants that control back.” Fernando pointed a finger at Kimi. “He could have been a world champion that year… Imagine the level of his thirst!”

Kimi gritted his teeth and endured for the sole purpose of wanting to hear where this conversation was headed to.

Fernando held Kimi's steely gaze unflinchingly. “A workaholic who never knows when to stop, puts his need to come out on top before everything… Do you seriously believe that he is going to choose you over his passion?” He asked heatedly. “He is younger than you, full of energy, full of fire, maybe more than me. But you are what? A rusty old man who can never keep up with the burning desire in him. Won't you die of your jealousy, watching somebody else grab a hold of their dream while you can only stand aside under the shade of his glory? _Again_!”

Kimi barely kept himself from punching Fernando in the face, because those words hit him somewhere deep where he couldn't even acknowledge to this day.

“He is a playboy for fuck's sake! Will he be satisfied with just you when he gets back on his game? Hell, he might already have a few like you under his hand!”

That made Kimi stand up from his chair sharply. Now his anger was showing on his face without any reserve and Fernando leered at him.

“You prefer a loser like him over me?” He stood up, too. “When I told you that I have been looking for you in every other person I have been with, you’d laughed at my face. But apparently you are no better than me, Kimi… You have waited all this time to just go and find a new and shinier version of me, huh?” He derided Kimi with a condescending attitude.

Kimi didn't wait anymore and turned around and left the balcony.

Fernando followed him inside, too. He reached out and grabbed at Kimi's right wrist, effectively stopping him from getting out of the room. “What? You didn't like hearing the truth?”

Being prevented from leaving again like the last time in the restaurant fuelled Kimi's anger and he was quick to wrench his hand out of Fernando's grasp. “Never touch me again!” He warned.

Fernando didn't pursue him, but he couldn't resist being the one getting the last word in. “It will fall apart like ours, Kimi… It will be just a memory in the end.”

Kimi yanked the door open and took a final icy glance at Fernando's smug and confident face. “Even then, even if it falls apart, it will be a _sweet_ memory, not a horrible one like yours…”

With a completely indifferent expression, Fernando watched Kimi rush out and slam the door on him. He took out his phone from his pocket and checked if there was any flights that he could take to Britain now. He didn't want to stay here anymore even though he'd like to see Aina. He wanted to return to Enstone and go over Sebastian's test results.

He found a flight for late at night and reserved his ticket before he sprawled on his bed and turned the TV on.

“It will be a sweet memory, huh, Kimi?” He frowned at the news on the screen unseeingly. “Then, I'm going to make it a reality for you, _mi amor_. I promise you that.”

* * *

Kimi could only realize that his phone was ringing when he got into his car. He sighed and ran a hand over his face, the very picture of exhaustion. He picked up the call, knowing that it was Jenson.

“Mate, everything alright?” The Briton asked immediately, his voice sounding worried.

Kimi shrugged as if Jenson could see him and then leaned back in his seat. “I am out. About to go back home.” He spoke in as neutral a tone as he could muster to reassure Jenson.

“Oh, good…” Jenson sighed on the other end of the line. “Anything I can help with, Kimi?” He asked as if an afterthought.

“It's alright, Jenson. Thank you for checking up on me.” He sincerely told the other man and Jenson ended the call, telling Kimi to call him if anything would come up.

Kimi started his car and slowly made it out of the resort grounds. He felt so wound up that all he wanted was some peace of mind after hearing Fernando's words about Sebastian. He really hated the fact that Fernando knew so much about not only him but also Seb. Even though he was aware that Fernando could do nothing about his relationship with the younger man, it still irked him greatly when he had compared himself with Sebastian.

Kimi was aware of the similarities and they had been a reason why he had tried to stop seeing Sebastian in the beginning. It gnawed at his mind to see that other people were also able to see the similarities and the potential end of this relationship that they had, even though one of those people was Fernando.

Kimi knew that it was just a matter of trust and loyalty.

He had chosen to trust Sebastian and the other man knew that Kimi had taken a leap of faith in him, placed his heart in his palms and trusted with him to take care of him. And he believed that he had done the right thing, because Sebastian was making him happier than he had felt for a long time. He soothed Kimi's soul, gave him a new purpose other than Aina and turned into a light that enveloped him warmly. He could only hope that he had the same effect on Sebastian.

He really wanted to see him now. The idea of going to the loft was so tempting, since he was close to the house, but it was empty. Even though Seb had recently given him a set of keys and told him to come here whenever he wanted, Kimi knew that going up into the empty house would just upset him more. Seb's scent would be there, but it wouldn't be enough. Kimi needed the man himself.

He just hoped Sebastian would come back soon.

* * *

Sebastian didn't know what he was going to be faced with at home when he'd return from Enstone on Wednesday, but finding Carl not even looking at his face had not been something he had expected.

They had parted on a tense and sour tone last Friday and Sebastian could understand Carl's downcast mood, but it hurt. And quite deeply at that... His nephew seemed nonchalant, neutral even. He talked to him, but he never looked him in the eye and he actively seemed to avoid physical contact with him. He was stepping out of his reach whenever Sebastian tried to touch his arm or get a bit close to him. Carl was simply finding an excuse to get away and answer him in clipped tones.

Sebastian didn't know what to do to make things right with Carl. He had no one to ask about it to, either. Not even Kimi, because Sebastian didn't want to dump the knowledge of all the ugly and twisted workings of his mind and heart on the other man's shoulders. He wasn't ready to talk about the underlying problem he had that resulted in all this mess that he was going through. He was ashamed of feeling this way and ashamed of being still on his way to heal himself out of it even after nearly three years since his accident.

During his stay in Enstone, he couldn't help but constantly think about Carl and Kimi. Carl's words echoed in his head constantly, the desperation in his voice so clear in his memory.

_“You don't have to shoulder everything, you don't have to try your best…”_

Ah… If only Sebastian could make himself believe in that, too. But the need to make everything right was so strong that it consumed him even as he continued to smile and joke as if nothing was wrong with the world and him.

And Kimi… Hiding this from him and going to Enstone had given Seb pain in his stomach. Kimi had said that hiding the truth sometimes equalled to lying. So, Sebastian wondered what could his behaviour better be called as. He had a perfectly good idea about that.

In Enstone, he had been subjected to a psychological test, too. And he bet that he had the worst results from that test due to all these things that had been running amok in his head. The team was probably going to ask him to get professional help, but he was already having it, though not as frequently as he had used to do before.

All it took for this mess to unravel was just a brave step from him, actually. But was he courageous to take that step into the flames and confront Carl or was he going to wait for something to give, he couldn't decide. Even though he was the adult here, he couldn't dare in fear of destroying everything more.

Thankfully, somebody was braver than him and made the decision in his stead, too.

* * *

It was Friday, a week after their initial argument, and Carl was about to go crazy. He had done everything in his power to provocate Sebastian into confronting him. He didn't look him in the eye, refused his touch, gave him short and clipped answers to irritate and urge him to take some action, but Seb seemed to have accepted the situation and was suffering silently by himself even as he continued smiling and talking.

Carl knew that Sebastian wasn't going anywhere tonight, even though it was a Friday. The older man was too much of a coward to face even Kimi. He didn't know how Seb managed to deflect the Finn after he'd returned on Wednesday, but this had to come to an end. Somebody had to point out the elephant in the room and Carl was willing to be that person even though he feared the consequences.

He found Sebastian in the garage.

Seb was rubbing wax on the Ferrari that he used the most, the 599. Carl knew that whenever the stress became too much for Sebastian to handle, he'd come down here and tinker with the cars, clean them up and polish them until they looked as good as new.

Sebastian was vigorously rubbing at the right door side of the car, using both hands, possibly to get some exercise in his arms and shoulders while he was at it. A soft pop song from the end of the 90’s was playing in the background and everything seemed peaceful, except for the frown between Seb's eyebrows.

Carl walked around in the spacious garage awkwardly; the sounds of his shoes on the pristine floor alerting Sebastian of his presence. Seb turned to look at him and Carl could see the pleased surprise that filtered in his dark blue gaze for a moment, but it was fleeting.

“Hi, there…” Sebastian murmured and Carl nodded at his way, his hands in his jeans pockets. Despite himself, Seb tensed at Carl's presence, because Carl was finally looking him in the eye and seemed to have a question to ask. He stood up to his full height, leaning his back to the side of the car and pointed at a leather covered chair for Carl to take.

Carl dragged it closer to where Sebastian was standing and straddled the chair backwards. Feeling his heart beating in his throat in a wild rhythm, he held Sebastian's eyes and dared to take the first step. “I have a question for you, uncle, and I want you to tell me the truth.”

Sebastian's frown deepened at the demand. It was evident that he hadn't been expecting their conversation to start like this. He played with the polishing cloth in his hands and nodded, a bit skeptical.

“Where were you, uncle?”

Sebastian's eyes narrowed down, not realizing that Carl was onto his case. “In Britain, why?”

Carl huffed, shaking his head. “Where in Britain?” He asked and when he saw that Seb had no intention of telling him, he tried a different approach. “Let me ask this way. Where did you disappear to last time for nearly two weeks?”

Understanding dawned on Sebastian then, but he still wasn't aware how perfect Carl's guesses were. He crossed his arms over his chest in a show of defiance. “What does it have to do with our situation?” He didn't like this.

Carl rubbed his hands together and leaned his elbows on the back of the chair. “You were the mysterious test pilot of Renault during the winter testing.” He stated in a matter of fact way, sure of his deduction and Sebastian's widening eyes and dropping mouth were proof enough. “You visited Enstone last weekend, right?”

Sebastian was stunned by Carl's accuracy, his stomach dropping at being found out this easily. “Where did you learn this, from the social media?” He'd really hate to be outed like this, but at least Carl shook his head, relieving him of the doubt.

“I just figured it out on my own. Right after you get rejected by him, you disappear during the winter testing and Renault hires the services of a mysterious talented driver that seemed to perfectly know what he was doing…” Carl watched Sebastian sigh and roll his shoulders, his eyes cold and averted to a side of the garage just to avoid looking at his.

“Yes, it was me.” Sebastian nodded, respecting Carl's observation skills. “And I was in Enstone, in the Renault factory, yes.” Then he sharply regarded his nephew, pressing his lips into a thin line. “Again… What does it have to do with our problem, Carl?” He asked in a bit of exasperation.

Carl told himself that at least Sebastian was recognizing their situation as a problem, not as the natural state of things. And it was a step taken in finding a solution. “Does he know? Kimi, I mean…” He asked and Sebastian’s eyebrows shot up immediately.

“ _Kimi_ , huh?” Seb smiled derisively, figuring out that things had progressed quite a bit between his nephew and boyfriend behind his back about all this. “Since when has he become Kimi instead of Mr. Räikkönen?”

Carl didn’t see the need to hide it. He steeled himself and confessed. “Since I have talked about the two of us with him.”

Sebastian took a double take at Carl with such a shocked expression that Carl could taste his anger and fear on his tongue.

A sick kind of warmth invaded Sebastian's body all at once. He straightened up again, throwing away the cloth in his hand, a horrified look entering his eyes. “How… How much did you tell him?”

Carl felt Sebastian's emotions pour into him, too. He readied himself to get up and rush to Seb’s side if he would try to flee. “Everything…” He told decisively. The pain, the sudden sick color that claimed Sebastian’s features was hard to witness, but Carl persisted. He slowly stood up and watched Seb back away again. “No… You are staying, uncle…” He shook his head and locked the garage door with the remote control that he had gotten the first thing when he had came in.

The hurt of Carl’s betrayal quickly turned into anger, but Sebastian reined it in, clamping on it hard. He felt sick, but he tried to stay on top of his emotions and thoughts, taking slow and deep breaths to calm himself down. “Do you even have an idea of what you have done, Carl?” He asked in a low voice, feeling like a cornered animal as Carl slowly walked towards him and he stepped back and away from the boy.

“I have.” Carl nodded solemnly, tears entering his eyes despite himself. “Now he knows you don’t fear death. He knows that you have zero regard to your own well being, your own health, mentally and physically!” Without realizing, Carl raised his voice a bit, but when he saw how Sebastian’s eyes were also glistening with tears, he lowered his tone, a tear drop falling from the corner of his eye without even touching his cheek.

“Seb… Alonso had many accidents during his career, right? You know of the one in Brazil?” Carl rubbed at his face furiously, telling himself that it was no time to let his emotions reign over him. Sebastian was gazing back at him with confused eyes, urging Carl to just rush over to his side and hug him, but the older man didn’t appear to want him to touch him, always avoiding him.

“He had been out for four races and Kimi had asked him to stop. Guess what the bastard had done... He had an argument with Kimi bad enough to get him hospitalized and then took away Aina and left him in his sick bed alone.” He narrowed his eyes, angry at Fernando in Kimi's stead.

“How do you plan to explain this man that you are not much different from his ex-husband in this regard who threw away his safety, his family’s wishes and his love for the sake of his greed to win?”

Sebastian felt his knees go weak at Carl’s question. Kimi’s words filled his head, the things he had said about priorities and about Sebastian’s fear all coming back to him.

_“I knew someone who made a different choice than yours. His priorities weighed heavier than his family… Even more than his fear of death... Maybe you have realized that there is something more important than racing.”_

_“My life?”_

_“Yes… You want your safety to not matter as much as you're conscious of it now, but once your priorities change, it takes some time to realign yourself.”_

Just then, as if on cue, his phone began ringing, its sound cutting through his thoughts. It was on the table, close to Carl and he leaned over to look at it. “Kimi is calling.” Carl muttered, but his voice sounded accusing.

Sickness rose within Sebastian's inside and a cold sweat broke on his back, making him tremble as his eyes unseeingly looked around. He rubbed his hands at his face, his own clammy touch threatening to upturn his stomach. “Why did you have to bring Kimi into all this mess?” He whined pitifully, unable to see reason in his panic. “Why did you do this to me?”

When the phone in his pocket began to also vibrate and Carl saw who was calling, his desperation doubled, renewing his will. “Me?” He protested. “You are the one doing this to yourself, Seb…” He rushed to Seb's side when he actually started to cry. He reached out again, trying to put his arms around him, but Seb fell back away from him again.

“I am not doing this for money!” Sebastian protested, hurt twisting his insides. “I am not after fame, not after some egoistical self gratifying bullshit like that man! How can you compare me to him?” Sebastian felt utterly destroyed at the notion.

Carl shook his head, his hands coming up as a sign to show that he meant no harm. “I know… I know money, fame and fanfare mean nothing to you, they never meant anything. But what are you trying to achieve, then, Seb?” He asked, genuinely wanting him to make him question himself. “Who are you trying to prove yourself to? Can’t you see you are doing this for all the wrong reasons? Risking all the wrong things in return of all the wrong gains?”

He could no longer stand aside and watch Sebastian fall apart before him. He had seen Sebastian cry before, he had seen him fall apart like this before, but he had never been the direct trigger of it. It physically hurt him to watch his uncle try to keep himself together, his hero, his idol… “Please, let me come closer to you…” He practically begged Sebastian and fell silent, waiting for the older man to calm down, to accept him.

Sebastian looked back at Carl with wide eyes, wiping at his tears with his sleeves, but they kept coming. The sob in his throat was caught there and not leaving. “I thought you hated me touching you…” Seb told him boyishly, a bit of accusation in his voice.

“Oh, god, I thought the same of you actually…” Carl shook his head and chuckled wetly at their shared idiocy. “Always stepping away from me, always trying to get away…” He sighed, swallowing down another bout of tears. “Seb, all we do is assuming how the other feels… I assume you’ll feel hurt, you assume I’ll compare you to my parents… This is not communication, this is poisoning us. This hurts you and seeing you hurt gives us pain.”

He stepped up and this time Sebastian didn’t fall back. He reached out and gently wiped at Sebastian’s tears as he did the same for him with his trembling hands. “That man seems to have based his ambitions on his own self satisfaction and you are basing them on self-punishment…” He slowly embraced Seb even though the older man tensed after hearing his words.

“You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone, Seb. Not as a son, not as an uncle, not as a brother or as a racer… You don’t have to prove that your bane of existence is not something trivial, that your life’s passion is also worth it all just as much as the next man’s ideals...” He tightened his hold and felt elated when Sebastian tentatively wrapped his arms around him, too.

“Please stop feeling guilty for wanting it, for wanting to race. Please, let that needless guilt go. Because you have done nothing wrong, you could have done nothing to avoid this. And you have been the best uncle for me that I could ever ask for. You have been the best.” He leaned a bit away and held Sebastian’s eyes.

Seb looked so drained, so small and fragile. His face was pale and he was still shivering, the frown creasing his forehead giving him a headache. “When did you grow up so much?” He asked in a gravelly voice, new tears collecting on the corner of his eyes.

Carl bit on his lower lip and held onto Seb with a renewed determination. “Thanks to my wonderful uncle…” He declared with conviction and love. “My mom must be proud of the two of us.”

His expression turning into one of disbelief, Carl's claim caused a sob to hitch in Sebastian’s throat. “Do you think she is?” He asked in a small, hopeful voice and Carl took a deep breath, his heart breaking further at Sebastian’s innocence.

“I am certain of it, Seb. I am certain that she is.” He rubbed at his uncle's shoulders in a soothing manner. “And I think she’d love my new little family.” He smiled tentatively, watching Sebastian’s eyes go wide and then fill with hope as his mouth dropped a bit in surprise.

“New family?”

“It might sound presumptuous of me, but I love the idea.” Carl shrugged, feeling bashful all of a sudden. “A few days ago, Aina was saying something like this. That, if one of us is hurt, then the others feel the pain, too. And we lessen it by sharing the burden, not shouldering it alone…” He began walking backwards and tugged Sebastian with him to the large sofa in the garage, too.

They sat down together, still facing each other.

Sebastian was trying to swallow down the swelling emotions within his chest as Carl continued rubbing at his shoulders and back. “A family, huh?” He was mumbling, looking completely awed by the idea of it.

Carl took his own phone out and showed him the missed call. It was from Aina. “Look how we have worried them…” His eyes were filled with regret. “I know you are afraid of meeting Kimi, I know you feel guilty for lying to him. But, you are no longer your own person, Seb. You have Kimi, you have me, you have us and we love you the way you are. Please, never forget that, okay?” Carl gave a one final rub at Sebastian’s back and when he saw the older man nod, he sat on the sofa properly side by side with him. This time it was Sebastian’s turn to put an arm around his shoulders and Carl immediately leaned into his side and put his head on Seb’s shoulder.

The relief that flooded in him was immense and with it Carl’s whole body sagged in exhaustion. “How do you feel?” He whispered to the silent man, hopeful for a positive answer.

“Like an eighteen wheeler has run me over.” Sebastian answered, tired and thoughtful. “I am sorry for making you go through this.” He whispered back, running his hand in Carl’s curly hair. “I am sorry for being weak and worrying you, for being this much fucked up enough to forcing you to confront me about it…”

“Seb, this is not your fault… No more apologizing, no more blaming yourself, okay?”

Sebastian’s body sagged towards Carl’s, too, proof that how exhausted he also was. “I will work on changing this… Changing my mind set… My own self perception… But it won’t be quick. Some things are so ingrained in me, carved in too deep… It is hard…”

Carl nodded, understanding Sebastian’s fears. “You’ve got us… And we are a patient bunch, Seb…” He smiled.

Sebastian snorted a bit in amusement, agreeing. “And you guys are all stubborn as a mule.”

“Anything for my hero...”

Sebastian finally found his smile at those words. “Consider picking up your club activities back, Carl. Whatever you are happy in doing, I am happy for you, too, okay?” He patted his knee. “And I heard girls like the jock type more.”

Carl snorted at that. “You know Aina doesn’t care about the types, right?” He chuckled, glad that at least Sebastian seemed to be ready to reconcile with the idea that he wasn’t meant to be the one to shoulder the consequences of Carl’s decisions. He knew that from then on they could progress and Sebastian could heal little by little. But this coin had a flip side and Sebastian had another problem that he could only solve with Kimi.

The thought sobered him up a bit. “What are you going to do about this Renault thing?” He asked, watching Sebastian think as he scratched at his beard in agitation, head bowed.

“God, I need some serious help with that, Carl…” Seb sighed deeply and swallowed at the hard lump in his throat. “I don’t know how he’ll react. I don’t know what he’ll think about my source of motivation after learning about your parents… He’ll think I am suicidal.”

Carl kept silent at that last comment, because it had a bit of truth in it and it was frightening, but at least Sebastian seemed to be aware of this himself, too. “He won’t judge you. I always say this, Seb… He is not that kind of a man, he’ll eventually understand you.”

Sebastian sighed heavily and stayed silent as if he was trying to collect his thoughts. Finally, when he spoke, he didn’t sound very hopeful, but Carl was ready to take whatever Seb was willing to try. “I need a little time. Just a bit… Please, don’t say anymore about this to him or anyone else, okay?”

Carl nodded, respecting his wish, happy that Sebastian was now willing to talk to Kimi about his reasons and ambitions, because the Finn was the only person who could influence Seb enough to reevaluate the sensibility of them.

_TBC..._

  
PS: _Is everyone still here?_


	16. Lay Your Hands On Me

Kimi knew that Seb had been back home since Wednesday evening and even though he really wanted to see him on Thursday, Sebastian told him that he had no free time due to the restaurant and the new place he was going to open soon.

It was excuriating to stay put after enduring the talk he had with Fernando. The Spaniard's words about Sebastian being a workaholic just like he had been was playing in his mind along with all his other unsolicited comparison and commentary. Kimi didn't want to think much on the ominous prediction that Fernando had made about the outcome of his relationship with the younger man, but he couldn't help it.

His thoughtful moodiness naturally caught Aina's attention and she had a good guess about what the reason could be.

Together, they had been watching the new addition to Aina's movie collection and she brought in a huge bowl of popcorn and placed it on Kimi's lap. It was the Friday night after the Bahrain GP and Kimi looked so tired. She was aware that the movie was not doing much to take her dad's mind off of whatever that was bothering him. He seemed to be just sitting around and accompanying her for the sake of being together and taking comfort from her presence.

“Everything okay with Seb?” She asked without any preamble, every bit of his dad's daughter.

Kimi shrugged in a non-committal way after giving a glance at her. “I don't know… I haven't seen him face to face for more than ten days.” He told her truthfully, sadness dripping from his voice even though he was trying to act nonchalant about it.

Aina perked up at that and a deep frown appeared on her face, her protective instincts rearing up. “Why? Are you guys fighting?”

Despite himself, Kimi smiled at how quickly she readied herself to take heads if she'd see it necessary. “No, dear. Nothing like that… He's been busy a lot lately and we can only talk on the phone.” He sighed. “I guess he's about to open that new place of his… I don't know the details.”

Aina settled back against the couch, thinking. She remembered that they didn't get to see what Kimi's plan for their double date was. She didn't know if they could do that, but tomorrow was a Saturday and she had plans to meet Carl in the afternoon for a study session. Maybe she could use that to her advantage.

“Dad, are your date plans still on?”

Kimi bit on his lip. “I am not so sure anymore, dear. I need to ask Seb if he and Carl are free on Sunday…”

“Can you call him now?” She wondered, because she had a plan.

Kimi tilted his head a bit as if telling _why not_ and found his phone to call the younger man. It rang a lot, but Sebastian didn't pick up. A pained smile appeared on his face and he flung the phone away on the nearby armchair. “Must be busy…”

Aina got demoralized, too. But she could ask Carl and always make the plan with him. She stood up and got her phone from the table and called him, Kimi's questioning eyes on her. It rang a lot again, but Carl didn't pick up, either. She frowned at her phone screen and returned back to Kimi's side. “I thought of asking him, but Carl's not picking up, either.” She explained, a bit distressed.

“Let them be…” Kimi tried to smile to placate her worry and turned his attention back to the movie. “They'll call back when they see the missed calls and then we can organize something.”

Aina relented, but watching Kimi's sad profile was doing things to her. She pretended investing her attention to the movie, but on the side she wrote a long message to Carl, explaining the situation.

They had no idea that Sebastian and Carl were having their big argument just about the same time Aina and Kimi were worried about them.

When it was nearly eleven o'clock at night, Aina's phone alerted her of Carl's message and she disappeared into the kitchen to read it, somehow sensing that there was something up.

_‘So sorry for the missed call, Aina. Hell broke loose down here… I had “the talk” with Seb.’_

Worry immediately seized her insides and she typed back hastily. “God… What happened?”

Carl's reply came a bit late, because it was long. _'He fell apart. Oh God, I never want to see him like this again, Aina. It was so hard, I don't know what gave me the strength to hold on and continue when he looked like a small kid getting the telling off his life from his parent… I feel awful, I made him feel awful…’_

Aina's sight blurred with her collecting tears and her fingers trembled as she typed back. “I am really sorry, Carl. I wish I could be there with you… How are you two now?”

_‘Thank you, love… We are okay, I guess… He is sleeping now. He cried so much, stressed so much, it wore him out. But at least he has acknowledged how he had been tormenting himself needlessly. He says he'll try to change…’_

Aina swallowed down a lump of thick emotion, taking a deep breath to calm herself down. “That's better… Any step taken by him for the mend is better than ignoring the problem… Carl, you are so brave. Seb is so brave…”

_'He needs Kimi… He is so afraid of seeing him now, but he needs Kimi.’_

“Why is he afraid?” Aina frowned at her phone before checking if Kimi was out of the shower.

_‘Guess what he did… He has signed up with Renault to be their test driver. He is scheduled to make his first appearance in the Barcelona Grand Prix.’_

Aina's mouth dropped open at the news. “He wasn't at a gastronomy fair last weekend, was he?”

_'He lied to Kimi and he feels so bad about it, he is making up excuses to avoid seeing him face to face.’_

Aina’s shoulders sagged in disappointment, unable to believe how much Sebastian had to be fearing of Kimi's reaction. “Wow… And here dad is missing him so much, yet trying to act tough about it; it isn't even funny…”

_‘Maybe they’re going to meet tomorrow? Since we won't be at home?’_

Aina gave it a thought, skeptical. “I don't think so… If it was like that, dad would have told me… Look, can we meet at home? Here? Just bring Seb here, from then on we can improvise?”

_‘Yeah, why not? But please act like you know nothing, okay?’_

A big smile spread across Aina's lips. “Tell him to empty his Sunday, too, because we'll have our double date at all costs!”

_'I'll make sure of that, because not only them but also we need it, too…’_

“Yes!” Aina made a small fist pump into the air, her moods elevated and her worry erased. “I love you, Carl!” She typed back, just felt like saying it again.

_‘I love you more! You single handedly saved us all!’_

She chuckled at the message and that was how Kimi found her.

“Having fun, dear?” Kimi bopped her nose and she giggled again.

She shyly looked up at Kimi as if she was hesitant and when Kimi tilted his head in question, she spilled the beans.

“Okay, I did something without asking you. I invited Carl here to study in the afternoon and naturally Sebastian will tag along, too.” She raised her eyebrows in expectation of a reprimand as if Kimi would ever do that.

Kimi's change of expression from calmness to excitement was so quick and beautiful that Aina wanted to pat herself on the back for having thought about this.

“Oh… That's… That's good to hear.” Kimi smiled brightly.

Aina could see how her dad's mind picked up in gears. “Stop. Before planning anything, let me ask you. What were your plans for Sunday? For our date?”

Kimi looked back at her with a bit of secretiveness. “Then, there's no surprise…” He protested.

“Come on, dad… Forget the element of surprise. Let's plan our weekend together.”

It was a good request and who was Kimi to deny his daughter? “Okay… Lunch at your favorite fast-food restaurant, bowling, arcade, dinner, and karaoke.”

Aina was smiling so large that Kimi just couldn't help but smile, too. “Sounds fun?”

“Yes! But let's ditch the lunch and go for a picnic…” She offered.

Kimi looked a bit unsure, but Aina went on. “You two can prepare us something to eat for the picnic while we study with Carl?” She made it out to be a question when she saw that Kimi was still a bit hesitant. “Dad, I know that you're planning to cook the whole world down for them, but don't do it tonight. Save your energy for tomorrow, okay?”

Finally, Kimi huffed and gave up, relenting to her request. “I need to go shopping, then.” He felt happier than he'd been for a while and Aina could see it.

“You can go with Seb tomorrow.” Aina winked at him, well aware that she was making them do the domestic chores of a couple.

Knowing that his daughter was doing this mostly for him to have an opportunity to experience something different with Sebastian, Kimi shook his head at her fondly. “You are a slave driver, know that…” He berated even as he smiled.

“As if!” Aina laughed. “Now, go to bed. Must be at your best tomorrow.” She poked fun at him, knowing that it would amuse Kimi, too.

Laughing as expected, Kimi kissed her forehead and wished her a goodnight. Like a kid, he hoped that tomorrow afternoon would come sooner.

* * *

Sebastian was fidgety.

Carl was driving, because Sebastian was so nervous that he could barely sit still. His eyes were darting to every which way and he was practically chewing on his lower lip.

“Uncle, it's going to be alright.” Carl reminded him for the umpteenth time that day and Sebastian nodded absentmindedly.

Surprisingly, it hadn't been hard work to persuade Seb to come with him, mostly because Seb needed some encouragement until the moment he'd meet Kimi. Carl was sure that as soon as his uncle would see the other man, all his fears were going to fly away. Kimi was that kind of a person by whose side you could feel like yourself again.

Carl pulled up to the front door of the house and took his backpack, Sebastian following him to the door. Carl rang the bell and Seb waited in bated breath for somebody to answer.

Aina was the one who swung the door open quite enthusiastically, but all Sebastian could see was Kimi appearing after her with his soft smile and brilliant eyes, first directed at Carl and welcoming him in, and then at him.

Kimi was a bit confused about why Sebastian was watching him with undivided attention without even taking a breath. The younger man stepped into the house right after Carl and even shrugged out of his coat and kicked off his boots, but he was doing them on autopilot. He only had eyes for Kimi and Carl and Aina knew when to make themselves scarce to give them some privacy.

Kimi absentmindedly watched his daughter and Carl disappear into the living room only for his head to be turned back to Sebastian by a hand grabbing at his chin and before he could even say anything, Sebastian covered his lips with his own with such hunger that Kimi staggered a bit back towards the portmanteau in the hall. His hands flew up to Sebastian's biceps to take purchase, to steady himself.

Sebastian kissed him with his eyes open, taking delight from the flash of bewilderment in Kimi's widened eyes before Kimi slowly gave up, turned pliant in his hold and let Sebastian push him against the furniture and deepen the kiss.

Kimi's eyes turned half mast and he closed them, reveling in the knowledge of being desired and loved so much that Sebastian was barely able to contain himself.

The younger man slowly leaned back, giving one last lick to Kimi's lower lip before he licked his own as if he couldn't get enough of the taste of their kiss. He smiled languidly at Kimi as the Finn tried his best to collect himself back.

“Hello, dearest.” Sebastian greeted him with a guilty edge to his smile, his hands still on him, restlessly running over his neck, his shoulders and his arms.

It was impossible to not realize that Sebastian was wound up even though he seemed fine at the first glance.

“Are you alright? You look a bit stressed.” Kimi caressed Sebastian's cheeks in return and then massaged his neck and shoulders gently.

“Missed you so much…” Sebastian confessed, awed at the way that his chest hurt at the sight of Kimi admiring him as if Seb was the most precious thing he had ever seen when in fact Kimi was the beautiful one. “I love you so much, Kimi…” He blurted and went in for another kiss, but Kimi laughed and turned his head away, causing his lips to land on a smooth cheek.

“And I love you too…” Kimi leaned back against the portmanteau to put some distance between them, but Sebastian instinctively followed him, crowding him more.

“We have time…” Kimi placated the younger man, looking into his dark blue eyes and seeing well masked pain and need there. “We have the whole weekend…” He inclined his head towards the living room with an impish smile, making a throwback to that time when they couldn't find a place to make out. “The kids are at home…”

Sebastian recalled that and began laughing, slowly detangling himself from Kimi even though he didn't want to be apart from the Finn for a second now that he saw him and his need to be close to him outweighed his guilty conscience.

Kimi held him from his hand and dragged him in to the large room, finding Aina and Carl already seated close to each other and having a silent conversation. It was cute to see how Carl sat a bit straighter as soon as he saw him. Kimi knew that it was going to take some time for the boy to forget about the ingrained formality he had gotten at school.

Sebastian chose a spot to sit, but he didn't let go of Kimi's hand and tugged him down with him, making the Finn flop on to the couch in a bit of a comical way, causing Aina and Carl to snort and laugh at the display.

“You guys will excuse me as I am planning to spend the day stuck to his side.” Sebastian declared and that served to break the bit of awkwardness, making the younger ones laugh more at Kimi's expense.

“As long as I don't have to drag you around.” Kimi narrowed his eyes down at him in fake warning and made him chuckle. He let him have his fun, loving the smug look on the other man's face. “Tea? Coffee? Soft drinks? What would you like Carl?” He asked.

“Not asking me?” Sebastian turned his wide eyes at him, but Kimi ignored it, amused.

“You'll be helping me.”

“Coffee, please.”

“Yes, coffee!” Aina quipped. “We need the caffeine! We have a lot to go over!”

Kimi stood up and of course, Sebastian tagged along to the kitchen, their hands still connected.

Aina and Carl were shaking their heads at them.

“I can't believe how fast Seb has recovered.” Carl whispered, holding Aina's hand in his. “Kimi's effect on him is like a miracle.”

“Aren't they so cute?” Aina giggled at the sound of muffled laughter coming from the kitchen. “I'm so glad you two are okay.”

Carl nodded, kissing the back of her hand. “We'll all be better after this weekend.” He promised.

Half an hour later, Aina and Carl had began studying for their upcoming exams, their books and notes and laptops slowly covering the large living room table.

Kimi placed a tray of more coffee and the sweets that his guests had brought over as a present beside them and left with Sebastian for some shopping.

He could feel the younger man's eyes on him even though he didn't divert his attention away from the road, the intense gaze was both flattering and honestly a bit worrying.

“Is everything okay?” He asked again, a bit hesitant.

Sebastian leaned his head back to his seat and continued watching Kimi, reaching out and caressing his cheek and jaw with the back of his fingers. His small gesture put a bit of color on Kimi's cheek and Sebastian bit on his lower lip in want, no longer able to deny what was going through his head. “I want you.” He confessed, then abruptly turned around and covered his mouth, looking out of the passenger seat's window.

Kimi's foot stalled on the gas pedal a bit at Sebastian's words and the car gave a small lurch. He risked a long glance at Sebastian and when he saw how embarrassed the younger man was, his heart beat settled down and his own desire subsided a bit. It was cute, but he'd never say that in fear of hurting Sebastian's pride. “Then this will be a good exercise on restraint for you.” He raised an eyebrow at Sebastian's way and the younger man snorted, finding his own predicament funny.

“You are cruel, aren't you?” Seb looked back at him and saw Kimi shrug as he parked the car.

“Not as cruel as this busy man sitting beside me.” Kimi couldn't help but make a jibe before getting out of the car.

Sebastian bit on his lip, knowing that Kimi was right to hell and back. He followed the Finn out of the car and into the Supermarket.

Kimi purposefully walked in a brisk pace, making Seb rush beside him as he took a cart and directed them to the Mediterranean section of the big shop.

Sebastian was looking intently at Kimi to gauge his expression, making the Finn snort at him and turn his face to the other side playfully. Okay, that nice smirk and those happy eyes were making him equally giddy and he wanted nothing more than kissing Kimi senseless, but he really needed to make it up to the other man.

“I'll bake a huge apple pie!” He blurted again, walking around the Finn to look at him, but Kimi shrugged a shoulder and went on.

“Of course, you will!” He declared, surprising Sebastian with his bossiness. “What else?”

Seb blinked, taken aback a bit, thinking. “Focaccia?” He was really good at making it.

“Hmm… You'll make that, too. What else?” Kimi began making his purchases, mainly getting cured meat, cheese and olive variations.

Sebastian was taking some of them from his hands and replacing them with some others as he was the expert on the quality of the Mediterranean food and Kimi just went with it, enjoying this quite a lot.

“Appetizers?” Sebastian offered. “I can make you the biggest antipasto serving you have ever seen…”

Kimi nodded and pushed the shopping cart into his hands. “Then you choose… I am going to make salmon with veggies and caramel waffles for dinner. Okay with you?” But he didn't even wait for Sebastian's answer and disappeared into the vegetables aisle.

Seb could only look after Kimi's retreating figure, his shoulders slumping a bit at Kimi's hard to get behavior. But he was happy, because Kimi was happy and they were just playing around. He fleetingly thought that everyday could be like this for the two of them and he would never complain. There was something completely relaxing even in their bantering, coming to them so naturally that as if they had been made for each other. He felt it in his bones, warm and sweet while he followed Kimi around with his eyes. Whenever their gazes would meet, they were pulling faces at each other like little kids after checking around if anyone was looking. It was so much fun that Sebastian gradually forgot about his earlier qualms.

They returned back home and immediately began their preparations. Kimi gave Sebastian an apron and when he turned around, he saw that the younger man had written something on it with the marker he had found on the kitchen table.

“ _Kiss the Cook_ , huh?” Kimi lost it at Sebastian's unapologetic shameless smile and hugged him fiercely before he kissed him as a reward for his creativeness. “Okay, show me your skills then, Mr. Cook.” He goaded the German on and Sebastian dutifully did as he was told.

Together, they spent quite a few hours in the kitchen, laughing and sharing jokes, stealing kisses from each other, murmuring songs as they worked in tandem.

The house was filled with mouth watering smells and that drew Aina and Carl to the kitchen. Without alerting the adults, they watched them a bit from the side since the door was left open.

Carl felt immensely elated to see that his uncle was finally looking like himself, relaxed, at peace, full of joy. He was explaining Kimi how to make the bread more savory, making jokes about how Kimi's touch to the dough was feather like and no good. In return, Kimi was trying to follow Seb's instructions so seriously that it was actually cute.

The spot that they were standing together in the kitchen was illuminated with the setting sun. The orange rays were onto Sebastian, making his eyes and hair glow in warm hues, whereas Kimi had his back turned to the window and he appeared gentler and paler than he normally was in the soft shade. The two men looked really good together as if they were the perfect opposites of each other.

Carl shared a look with Aina. It was apparent that they were both thinking the same thing. Aina tapped a few times on her phone and swiped at it in search of something. When she found it, she gave her phone to Carl.

It was their chatting app and this was one of their first chats.

_‘Not actually, but at least then I wouldn’t have to see his boy/girl friends flirting with him the first thing in the morning.’_

“Aww. Poor you /pets your head. Persuade him to get marry...”

_‘Hell no!’_

“Why not? You guys seem to need a bit of stability in your lives. I think…”

_‘The people around him don’t deserve him.’_

“Aww! Somebody really loves their uncle!”

_‘Oh, just shut up… As if you’d hand over your precious papa to any of these people I see around Seb.’_

“That bad?”

_‘Wish I could show you.’_

Carl made a silent _wow_ with his mouth alone, recalling how he had felt when he had first read these lines months ago. Now he could only marvel at the possibilities and the reality before his eyes. He sighed and nodded his head back to their table, Aina following him.

“Not that I want to give you any ideas or as if I am hoping for anything, but I think it would be very nice to return back home to that sight occasionally…” She wistfully smiled and Carl nodded readily despite himself.

“Well, I mean… Why not, actually? They look so effortlessly natural that they could have been married since forever.” He chuckled, equally wistful and a bit nostalgic about his mother and father. “I would happily hand over Seb to him if Kimi would want him.”

Aina laughed at it, too. “I am sure he'd gladly accept Seb. Let's hope that the thought occurs to them, too… At some point…”

“Hopefully, soon...” Carl smiled and took up his pencil again. “Grandma and Grandpa would have been over the moon if they'd seen them like that together.”

That perked up Aina's interest. “Then let's immortalize it for them.” She offered.

Carl was hesitant. “Filming them secretly… Would that be alright?”

“They'll love it when they see it, too, no worries.”

And that was how Aina took a short video of her dad and Seb making an apple pie for tomorrow and cooking waffles for the dinner. She managed to catch a kiss on the cheek from Kimi, a nice laugh from Sebastian and an apple pie receipt given completely and purposefully false on the side. She knew just what to do with the video.

Their dinner was delicious and eaten in good spirits after that much studying and working in the kitchen.

After that, Kimi helped with a subject that Carl and Aina had some trouble and Sebastian prepared soft drinks to go with their waffles.

Finally, when it was time to leave, all Sebastian wanted to do was to whisk Kimi away to the loft and curl up with him for a little while more. Now that he had gotten the taste of domesticity with Kimi, he didn't want to let the feeling go that easily, but Carl hooked their arms together and practically dragged him towards their car, whispering. “Come on champion, we have the tomorrow, too.”

That reminder was the sole thing which helped Sebastian to patiently wait for the next morning.

* * *

The spot Kimi had found for them for the picnic was by the lake in the city and even though the weather was cloudy and cool, the food was perfect. Sebastian was proud of his handiwork and truth be told, they all ate more than a bit too much.

Thankfully, Kimi had arranged for a long session of bowling and in the heat of teaming up against each other, they got in quite the exercise.

“Never knew you were such a sore loser, Seb.” Kimi was openly laughing at the younger man's face, clapping his team mate Carl on the shoulder.

Aina was giving a placating rub on Sebastian's arm, unable to suppress her own mirth, because Kimi had played awesome and scored most of his and Carl's points.

“How do you do this?” Sebastian was smiling, but it was edgy and frustrated. “How can your father be perfect in everything he does, Aina? Tell him to stop winning all the time!” He was complaining.

Kimi put his elbow on Carl's shoulder and leaned a bit towards him as if he was sharing a secret. “Your uncle was a total amateur in bowling until now, wasn't he?”

“Yes, a total noob just like in ice skating…” Carl snickered along with Kimi.

“Hey, I heard that!” Sebastian protested.

Aina was quick to side with Sebastian. “I'm sure there is something Sebastian is unbeatable, too.”

“Yes! That's right!” Sebastian was quick to agree, though he faltered when he saw the sleazy grin Kimi had.

“Like what, Sebby?”

At the use of his cutesy name in front of the kids, Sebastian actually stopped, his face coloring a bit when Carl closed a hand over his mouth to suppress his snort.

“Sebby?!” His nephew's shoulders were shaking with laughter.

“Cute, isn't it?” Kimi looked back at him lovingly, but it only added to Sebastian's embarrassment.

“That's sweet…” When even Aina giggled and turned a bit away from him to hide her amusement, Sebastian sighed, pushing his hands in his jeans pockets. Two could play this game.

It was as if a switch was turned on when Sebastian tilted his head back with his own sleazy grin and declared. “I saw an arcade here. I think I can beat you in a shooting game… My dearest…” He raised an eyebrow.

A moment of silence ensued before Carl and Aina looked at Kimi's face, possibly expecting to see embarrassment there, but instead, Kimi looked quite smug and self confident.

“Yeah, kids, he calls me his dearest…” Kimi declared, watching Sebastian deflate as Carl treacherously sided with Kimi again and began walking towards the arcade, motioning for Aina to follow him.

“You are such an old man, Seb.” Carl shook his head at his uncle. “So unoriginal…” And then he chuckled.

Aina managed to not laugh and made a peace sign at Sebastian before going after Carl and leaving him alone with Kimi who had the perfect poker face on until he too broke into a smile and opened his arms to hug him.

Sebastian immediately fell into those arms, whining a bit at how they all treated him. “Why are you guys all so cruel to me? What did I ever do to you?”

Kimi caressed his hair and patted his back comfortingly. “There, there, you big baby… We just love you so much, we can't help it…” He even rocked him from side to side a bit until he could feel that the German was silently giggling in his arms. “Feeling better?” He asked, leaning back to look at him.

Sebastian pursed his lips. “Not until I win against you in that shooting game.” He challenged and Kimi nodded, holding his hand and dragging him towards the arcade.

“Come on, then…”

An hour and many arcade games later, Sebastian's mood was better, because he had actually won in the shooting game with frightening accuracy. Kimi wasn't surprised though, because formula one drivers had to have nearly superhuman reaction times and Sebastian's was really remarkable. He planted a kiss on Seb's lips as a reward and then Kimi took them to the room that he had booked for in a popular karaoke bar.

“I am so going to make a music CD of our session!” Aina was beside herself with delight as she and Carl tinkered with the equipment and the software.

“What for? To immortalize our embarrassing voices?” Carl was a bit unwilling, but he couldn't resist Aina's enthusiasm.

Aina made a _hmph_ sound with a raised eyebrow. “But, of course!” She declared. “You set up the camera… And dad, Sebastian… Come here and choose your songs.” She handed down everyone's task and went about doing the necessary arrangements on the player.

Unsurprisingly, they couldn't find any songs that they could all agree upon to sing together for the CD. The songs that Aina and Carl suggested were all contemporary songs that Kimi never bothered to learn and Sebastian could only sing a little bit of. It was funny how creative Sebastian was in making up lyrics on the spot, cracking Kimi up with bouts of laughter and earning protests and vetoes from the youngsters.

“ _Say, boy, let's not talk so much, grab on my waist and put that body on me…_ ” Sebastian momentarily stopped, unable to process the lyrics. “Wait, what? Put your, what? Oh… _I may be crazy don't mind me_!”

“Uncle, wrong stanza!” Carl was complaining. “Look at the lyrics, for god's sake…” He was laughing so hard, because Sebastian was singing the song as he was looking into Kimi's eyes, who was red in the face due to all the laughing.

“ _I'm in love with the shape of you…_ What the hell? I'm in love with all of this man!” Seb protested.

“Seb… Skip the lines, skip…”

“ _Although my heart is… It's going crazy…_ Ugh... No, forget this shitty song, I'm in love with all of you, dearest.” Sebastian fell onto one of his knees and kissed the back of Kimi's hand, having the time of his life.

“ _Come on, be my baby, come on, be my baby_ , _though you already are, I'm in love with all of you!”_

“Carl, make him stop… I'm gonna die!” Kimi was wheezing at the way Sebastian was still mangling the lyrics, the younger man was neither letting his hand go, nor giving up the microphone.

Aina was filming them, her stomach hurting while Carl was watching them all in an unexplainable sense of belonging like he hadn't felt for more than three years. He couldn't take his eyes away from the sight of all his favorite people being happy together. Silently, he thanked everything he knew for having them all in his life and joined in their merriment by changing the song.

By the end of their session, they finally managed to find a song that they all agreed upon putting on the CD. Of course, it had to be something from Sebastian’s favorite band, the Beatles.

They all knew the lyrics by heart and sang the song seriously as if they were a band. Kimi had a naturally scratchy voice, Sebastian and Carl were not the best of the singers out there, but Aina's voice was nice and the result was beautiful.

Aina put the song back on again, this time from a contemporary singer, and they all goofed around as they sang it. She placed her camera on the selfie stick before sitting down on the couch by Kimi's side.

Carl sat down by Sebastian's side and nudged him towards Kimi who immediately opened his arms wide on either side, managing to embrace the three of them before reclining back on the couch comfortably, pulling them all to himself like a powerful seam that kept all of them together.

Sebastian was wide eyed with wonder, his besotted gaze on Kimi, his head placed close to the Finn's. Aina was holding the camera, Carl was looking at her and Kimi was smiling up at the lens when he realized Seb's gaze and turned his attention on him and kissed the tip of his nose before they all looked up and smiled.

The resulting video was going to be a sight to behold for many days to come, giving them the courage to hang on when they'd most need it.

* * *

Sebastian dropped first Aina and then Carl back home before he drove to the loft with Kimi sitting in the passenger seat.

They were both dead tired, but Kimi knew that sleeping was the last thing on Sebastian's mind. Lucky that he didn't have any morning classes on Mondays. He had missed the younger man, too, and he loved being in this remote place, far away from everything even if it would be for a couple of hours.

Sebastian parked his car in the garage and as soon as they were both out, he reached out and took Kimi's hand and kissed the back of it. He directed him to the stairs and up into the living area, preferring to not turn on any lights.

“Dark and cold…” Kimi complained, though his voice didn't sound particularly upset.

Sebastian led Kimi into the bedroom and adjusted the lights on low before turning to him and backing him towards the bed. “That's to make you snuggle more to me…” He smiled, his hands going for the coat lapels of the Finn. But surprisingly Kimi escaped from him, giggling.

“You are going to work for it, Sebby…” Kimi challenged, making Sebastian's eyes go wide and mouth drop even as amusement twinkled in his eyes.

“No, you can't be serious…” Sebastian watched the other man zip up his coat and pull down his beanie over his head firmly as if to make it harder to take them off.

Kimi shrugged a shoulder and pursed his lips, readying himself to get away. “Want me? Then, you must get me…” He set the rules.

Sebastian couldn't believe it even though he was smiling. He ran a hand over his face and looked at this impossible man who simply grinned at him like a little kid. “This is my punishment, right?” He guessed correctly.

“I'm just spicing up our sex life, Sebby.” Kimi declared, but he burst into laughter at his own words.

His heart picking up speed in undeniable excitement, Sebastian nodded, a sharp grin spreading on his lips, too. “Okay… But know that this will end with you on your back.”

“Oh, yeah? With you riding me, you mean…” Kimi's cheeky come back was quick, making Sebastian shake his head at him.

“Why, you little… On your knees, then!” And Seb rounded on him quickly, managing to get his beanie off before Kimi got out of his way, giggling. He threw it away with a flourish before he took his own beanie off, too. “Unzip that coat, It's cheating.”

Kimi made a show of thinking about it. Then, did as Sebastian told while he took several steps backwards, trying to avoid getting closer to the bed. He couldn't look away from Sebastian's eyes, because the younger man was apparently in his competitive mood again and watching his every move with the attention of a hunting hawk.

He turned around and ran for the hall, but Seb got a hold of his arm before he could get out of the bedroom.

“Caught you!” Sebastian got confident early, because Kimi wrestled himself out of the younger man's grasp, leaving only his coat in his hands and raising an eyebrow at him in a condescending manner that drove Sebastian crazy.

“Must work harder than that, Sebby!” Kimi chuckled at the other man's frustration and disappeared down the stairs.

Sebastian shook off his coat, too, his body warm all over. He was full of adrenaline now and he had forgotten about everything other than getting his hands on Kimi. He didn't rush down after the Finn. Instead, he found and tucked the bottle of lube and condoms into his back pocket and grabbed a blanket from the cupboard.

Music started to play and Sebastian's mouth once again dropped open at Kimi's choice. The song began playing right from the first stanza, Bon Jovi's voice calling him down to play. Sebastian obeyed its call and went down into the garage, laughing.

He turned the lights on, threw the blanket at the couch and stalked towards Kimi, who was watching him with a challenging grin behind the Ferrari 599, his arms on the roof of the car, his head resting on them.

“Oh, I'm going to lay my hands on you, alright… Just so you wait…” He promised, his voice low with desire but audible over the music.

Then they started their tag game, running around like little kids, hiding behind the cars and the cupboards, until Sebastian actually managed to catch Kimi and press him against the hood of one of the cars, his wrists captured and his body stretched under his, radiating happiness and smelling wonderful.

“The hood might bend, silly!” Kimi warned, still laughing.

Sebastian didn't care. “Worried about the car more than about the position you are in, huh?” He snorted. “Then stop resisting me and accept your defeat, Kimi…”

The song finished and their laughter subsided gradually and Kimi stopped moving, giving in and looking up at his captor. Sebastian was not giving his weight on him, but his hold on his wrists was enough to keep him in place. He realized that he was shivering and in this position he felt like an offering. It gave him a pleasurable thrill and he really wanted Sebastian to do something about it.

Seb leaned in, mindful of not hurting Kimi's arms with his hold, nuzzling and smelling the Finn's neck. He let out a soft whine at the sexy way Kimi tensed and arched up to him even as he turned his head aside to give him more access. “You look ravishing…” He whispered against the damp and cool skin. Kimi’s breath hitched when he started placing small kisses on his neck and collarbone, the sound of it was sweet and arousing him. He licked at him up to his jaw and then nipped at the thin skin there playfully to hear that sound again.

“You know, I have always wanted to have you against one of these…” He confessed right into Kimi's ear as he kissed and breathed against it, tearing a sharp gasp from Kimi's lips, his body shuddering under his hold.

Kimi really didn't want to squirm much in fear of actually damaging the Ferrari, but it was impossible. The image that Sebastian had put into his head was so hot to deny and the way the younger man was restraining him simply fuelled his desire.

Sebastian leaned a bit in, just enough to rub their groins together and Kimi strained against his hold at the sharp pleasure, possibly to free his hand and close it on his mouth to stop himself from making any noise. But, Seb didn't let up. “Want to have you like this so much, but are you up to it, beautiful?” He leaned back to look into the other man's eyes and when he saw how turned on Kimi was, he bit on his own lip.

Kimi was flushed, shivering, the long bits of his hair sticking on the sheen sweat of his forehead and cheeks, his skin glistening, and he was looking up at him with wet ice blue eyes in complete surrender.

“Let my hands go?” Kimi asked, needing to touch Sebastian even though being restrained like this was also sexy. The younger man looked so breathtaking that he just wanted to pull him to himself, feel his body against his and kiss him.

Seb freed Kimi's arms and they immediately wound around his neck and back and pulled him in. He leaned his weight on one elbow and slowly moved against Kimi's body. When Kimi's lips parted for a gasp at the friction, he silenced it with his own mouth.

He pushed his other hand under Kimi's thin sweater and grabbed at his hip to hold him in place as he continued grinding their arousals together, but it quickly proved to be not enough and his hand went for the button of Kimi's jeans. Making a quick work of it, he leaned a bit back and broke their kiss.

Kimi's brows furrowed and he tried to tug him back to himself, but Sebastian shook his head with a small smile and slowly brought him up, only to make him turn around and lean on the hood of the car.

Kimi shuddered at the way the younger man easily and gently bent him over, massaging his sides and spine, before his hands firmly pushed his jeans and boxers down. The palms were flat on his lower back and ass in a slow but possessive caress, making him forget how to breathe. Now he understood how Sebastian had felt when he had taken him against that mirror. He felt so vulnerable and at the mercy of the other man that a new brand of heat pooled in his loins, making gooseflesh cover all his body.

Sebastian pushed Kimi's sweater up and helped him put a knee on the car for leverage. His hands were trembling with impatience and want as he poured some lube on Kimi's skin and smeared it on the tight ring of muscle and his fingers before pushing one finger in.

It must have hurt a bit, because Kimi flinched and Sebastian was quick to apologize. He bent forward, too, hugging Kimi to himself, running his free hand across his chest.

Kimi sighed softly at the heat enveloping him and at the feeling of Sebastian's lips on his back. “Go on…” He whispered, leaning more of his weight on the car to make it easier for himself, because really… His knees were getting weak and he was slowly losing the control of his body. As Sebastian tugged at his hips and positioned him however he wanted, all he could do was to gasp at the dizzying pleasure, his own breathing embarrassingly loud and whiny in his own ears.

Sebastian didn't know how he'd managed to hold onto his patience as he prepared Kimi, but when he finally entered him, he closed his eyes and didn't dare to move not just for Kimi's sake, but for his own, too, because the sight before him was everything he had fantasized about.

He took a couple of deep breaths and got his control back and opened his eyes. “Ah, so beautiful…” He couldn't help but whisper. “I have wanted to do this for so long…” He started talking, unable to stop himself. “Your pale skin against the red of this…” He began to move and reveled at Kimi's sharp intake of breath. “Smelling better than anything…” He leaned in and licked at Kimi's back, taking Kimi's cock in his hand while he played with his nipple. “Tasting even better…” It was as if he was trying to distract himself with his own blabbering, but for Kimi, the words were only arousing him further.

The pleasure was building up so strongly that Kimi's eyes blurred with tears and he sobbed at it, biting on his lower lip to keep in the small sounds he was making.

Sebastian felt Kimi tighten around him and picked up his rhythm, his thrusts getting sharper and deeper in each breath. “Sorry for being away… I am so sorry…” He apologized fervently, the guilt he felt for lying to Kimi and keeping the knowledge of his contract hidden from him finally catching up with his conscience. He realized that missing this, missing Kimi had also been his self imposed punishment. “Forgive me…” He whispered against Kimi's skin, kissing and licking between his shoulder blades.

Kimi didn't know why Sebastian was apologizing to him, sounding worried and a bit broken, and he didn't have time to think on it as his orgasm hit him, his hands sliding across the surface of the hood in his need to take purchase on something. He sobbed into his arms, his breath rapid and rasping in his chest.

Sebastian couldn't believe how intense the sensations were when he reached his own completion, so much so that he had to muffle his groan behind his own hand. With his heart rate over the roof, he continued rocking gently into Kimi, riding out the pleasure as his tenseness ebbed away from him and the pleasure slowly left its place to fatigue. After he caught his breath a bit, he slid out of Kimi and even though he knew that he had it in him to go one more time, Kimi seemed a bit out of it and he didn't want to hurt him.

Soon after the heat of his peak subsided, Kimi began trembling all around. “Sebastian, cold…” He pushed himself up on weak arms, looking behind, and the younger man carefully turned him around and gathered him in his arms. He held onto his jeans and let Sebastian help him towards the couch, the German nearly carrying his whole weight.

Seb sat on the large couch and helped Kimi get comfortable on his lap, between his legs. He covered Kimi's shoulders and back with the soft blanket he had brought down and hugged him securely.

Kimi rested his head on Sebastian's chest, leaning his forehead into the crook of his neck and covered him with the edge of his blanket. He quickly got warm thanks to Sebastian's trapped body heat and he hummed contently at the hands caressing his side and leg.

“Love you so much, Sebby…” He whispered against the German's neck, kissing him there softly.

Sebastian hugged Kimi tighter than before, cradling his face in one hand and directing his head up. He kissed him with his eyes open, caressing his cheek with his thumb, before he parted Kimi's lips with it. He licked and sucked on Kimi's mouth until both their lips were puffy and red. When he leaned back, he had a small frown between his eyebrows and Kimi reached out and massaged it away with the tip of his finger.

“Why so serious?” Kimi asked with a small smile, looking into the dark blue eyes carefully. “Why did you apologize?”

The tentative questions hung in the air between them, Sebastian not meeting Kimi's eyes and Kimi regretting asking them.

Guessing that whatever bothering Sebastian had to be something about his past and its reflection on his future, Kimi let it go, hoping Sebastian would open up to him about it soon. “You didn't say I love you back?” He jokingly reminded when in reality he really wanted to hear the younger man say it.

When Sebastian found the courage to look back at him, he knew that Kimi could read the pain in his eyes, but he had no power to hide it from him. “Kimi, I love you so much it literally hurts me physically sometimes.” He told him truthfully, watching ice blue eyes go wide.

Kimi swallowed at the depth of emotion in Sebastian's gaze, his eyes shyly turning away, not knowing what to say.

“No, look at me…” Sebastian demanded, his voice close and his breath warm against Kimi's lips.

Kimi did as he was told, heat claiming him again at the serious and focused expression on Sebastian's face. God, he looked so handsome then that Kimi fleetingly wondered if he was even aware of it.

“No matter what happens, no matter where we are or what becomes of us, know that I love you and only you, Kimi.” Sebastian said with a clear voice and his expression slowly softened into a forlorn smile as he wiped at Kimi's cheek.

“What…? What is this?” Kimi looked on in bewilderment, unable to believe that it was his own tear drop that Sebastian wiped away. His chest tight with emotion, he shed another one and Seb dried it off again.

“Aw… Getting sentimental on me suddenly, dearest?”

Kimi's sad expression immediately changed into one of scandalized. “You are the one suddenly saying romantic shit right after doing me against a Ferrari like we are in some porn flick!” He protested and then cracked a smile at the way Sebastian burst into laughter.

They watched each other laugh, caressing their faces and petting their hair.

“But it was good, wasn't it?” Seb smugly asked, glad that Kimi had once again taken him out of his moodiness.

Kimi nodded and then raised an eyebrow in thought. “How many more fantasies like this you have?” He asked playfully and enjoyed the way it put some color on the younger man's cheeks.

“But you won't make fun of me…” Seb bargained.

“Never…” Kimi promised.

Trusting him, Sebastian looked back at Kimi with big blue eyes. “I really want to tie you up to the bedpost.”

Kimi's eyes widened and then a smirk appeared in interest. “Doable… What else?”

Taking courage from it, Sebastian continued. “The Infinity has enough space for some quick sexing up at the back seat, maybe?”

Kimi nodded. “We can always find it out. And?”

Sebastian was surprised that Kimi was so willing. “Ice play? Whipped cream and strawberries? Melted chocolate?” He offered.

“I think you're mistaking me with ice cream or cookie dough…” Kimi looked amused. “But, why not? If you'll wash the bed sheets yourself afterwards…”

“As if I wouldn't…” Sebastian faked offense, but then grinned sleazily only in a way someone would do when they knew how naughty they were. “And I really hope that you are into some role playing.” He paused for effect, raising an eyebrow. “Like the firefighter and the rescued?”

And Kimi began cackling in abandon.

_TBC..._


	17. Ode To My Family

The week before the Chinese Grand Prix had been quite hectic for Kimi. It was the second exams week at school, and there was a mock university exam for the last years. He had been so busy that he could meet up with Sebastian only once and that had been way past dinner time and the both of them had ended up asleep on the couch in each other’s arms until Seb had decided to turn in his sleep and ended up on the floor with a loud thud and some groaning, waking Kimi up, too.

Kimi fondly remembered the slow kisses and the little touches that they had shared after they’d moved to the bed, their sleep muddled and a bit restless, but peppered with sweet kisses and warm hands. Even the thought of Sebastian’s beautiful smile and eyes were enough to help him get through the long week in hopes of another nice weekend spent in the German’s company. But he was sorely disappointed.  
  
Sebastian had told him that he had sponsor work to do during the weekend for the opening of his new restaurant, apologizing to him profusely and promising to make it up to him on Monday when he’d be back.

Kimi believed him, thinking nothing of it, because he was slowly getting used to the idea that Sebastian was about to manage two really upscale restaurants and there was some high standards that he had to uphold to exist in that line of business. So, the younger man’s busy schedule was expected. But, that’s because Kimi had no idea that Sebastian was now in China and the sponsor work that he’d talked about was in fact going to be done on Renault’s behalf. There, without anyone’s knowledge, Seb was going to shoot a TV campaign and scheduled to do a meet up with the team’s sponsors from Asia.  
  
Having also sent Aina away with Fernando to watch the E-Prix race in Rome, Kimi faced the fact that he was going to be alone for the weekend. He didn’t mind it, because he had a lot of work to do both at home and for school, but it would have been a lie if he’d said that he didn’t feel a bit left out and alone. But, surprisingly, somebody else had to have felt that way, too, because he got a call from Carl.  
  
Kimi knew that Carl’s football team had a match on Saturday, but it came as a surprise when the boy had called him and asked him if he’d come and watch him play, because he felt a bit nervous after staying away from the team more than a month. Kimi felt flattered at the request and happily told Carl that he was going to drive him to the match location, too.  
  
Now, the two of them were sitting in Kimi’s Focus, the weather windy and cloudy, but the inside of the car was warm and they were chatting about the current scoreboard of Carl’s team.  
  
“Nico has to be delighted to have you back…” Kimi guessed. “Your team seems really in need of some goals.” He smiled.  
  
Carl shrugged, feeling a bit shy about his talent. “I don’t know if I’ll be of any use after missing three matches, but I really want to play.” He glanced at Kimi and Kimi nodded at him decisively.  
  
“You’ll be doing great.” He was confident of Carl’s success. “When a person does something passionately, there is no way they can’t achieve what they want.”  
  
It boosted Carl’s morale, but also made him think about Sebastian. “But there are times when the fates work against you…” He murmured what he thought, a bit ominously, but Kimi nodded and frowned a bit.  
  
“There is also that, true… But even then, when you do your best, you won’t feel so disappointed; because that means you have done whatever in your power. It is better to lose against something you have no control over than to lose to your own self, right?”  
  
For a moment there, Carl thought that he was talking to Sebastian, recalling his uncle’s words.  
  
_“But promise me something… You won’t act like you have been defeated even before you begin. Drop out or stay in the club, do whatever you wish for, but do it with your best, not just try.”_  
  
“He said the same thing… Wow…” Carl was awed. “Seb told me the same thing…” He chuckled.  
  
Kimi smiled at that, too. “I am not even a bit surprised. Seb hates losing…” He agreed, but then sobered up, knowing what this meant for their future. He brushed the thought aside, because he felt a pang of pain in his stomach when he realized that Sebastian had to have said this to Carl during their talk about Carl’s relationship with the younger man. “You decided to play today because you have talked with Seb, right?” He asked softly.  
  
Carl sat there silently for a few moments, nodding. Then he sighed deeply, hoping that Kimi wouldn’t ask about it, because he knew that their conversation would easily take a turn for Sebastian’s secret and that was the last thing he wanted Kimi to learn from him. Seb wanted it or not, that was his task to tackle.  
  
“It seems the result was good?” Kimi reached a hand and patted Carl’s shoulder, hoping to give him courage. When Carl nodded with a bit of a forlorn smile, he smiled, too. “You are a brave boy.” He commended. “Maybe braver than Seb when it is most needed.”  
  
Carl looked back at Kimi with his big brown eyes full of wonder, but Kimi didn’t see it, his attention on the road.  
  
“Sometimes, it must feel like you are the adult and he is the kid, right?” Kimi snickered. “Aina always complains that about me.”  
  
Carl chuckled at it, too, because she really was. He could easily recall a few instances of her saying this to him about Kimi and Seb. And it was amazing how Kimi was taking all these in stride and even laughing about it. He really was a great man and his joy was contagious because Kimi was selective about whom he shared it with. “That’s because you and Seb are more sensitive and emotional than you guys let on.”  
  
“So we are two big softies, huh? Tough cookies with gooey filling...” Kimi grinned and made Carl laugh again, happy that he was able to help Carl forget about his nerves.  
  
“Wow… Their football field looks nice.” Carl’s attention was caught by the home team's facilities as Kimi drove into the school campus to look for a spot to park the car. Since they were now doing the regionals, their home team was from another city, luckily somewhere only two hours drive away.

They found Carl's team, Nico and the representatives of their school in the guest rooms reserved for the visiting team and to Kimi's surprise, the other young players received him and Carl so enthusiastically. Most of the boys were already Kimi's students and when they saw how close he and Carl were, they seemed to have developed a new found respect for their team mate.

Nico was ecstatic to see his favourite forward again, even though he’d already known that Carl was coming. But seeing Kimi with him was the surprise. He shook the Finn's hand and then carefully observed him.

“The boys really love you.” He grinned, his blue eyes twinkling with admiration. “Do you have a secret?”

Kimi looked up at the taller man with a small smile, shrugging. “I don't know how that happened, really…”

Kimi seemed so guileless and happy that Nico continued scrutinizing him closely as if he was looking for a clue. He scratched at his scruffy chin and called over their ball boy without taking his eyes away from Kimi.

“Rob, give me a warm up and a cap.” He grinned and when Kimi seemed confused, he explained. “Let's put you in our team's colors, Kimi, since you have come all the way to cheer for us.”

Kimi tilted his head to the side as if saying _why not_ and Nico helped him into the comfortable warm up jacket and then adjusted the cap and put it on Kimi's head for him.

The jacket was a tad big for Kimi and he pulled the sleeves over his hands to warm them up with only his fingers peeking out. He adjusted the cap and zipped up the jacket, smiling shyly when the students applauded and cheered for him.

Nico snorted at the sight in disbelief, understanding dawning on him. He turned around and looked elsewhere, eyebrows furrowed, muttering to himself. “Dangerous… Very dangerous…” He shook his head and Carl saw that, smiling fondly at his teacher.

The match time came and Kimi was pleased to see that a good chunk of the spectators were from their side. The weather was getting worse, but everyone was in high spirits and Kimi took lots of photos, even cheering on with the students every time they saw a good move or an attempt at a goal.

It started to drizzle slowly and gently, but the players really poured their all onto the field. Their school needed to win the match with a two score difference and currently they needed one more goal to achieve that.

Kimi was so glad that he had been taking a video when the third goal came, and it was from Carl.

The spectators roared at the beauty of his kick on the wet and slippery ground and his friends flocked onto Carl with such enthusiasm that Kimi feared of him getting an injury. He felt proud of the boy, feeling tears in his eyes when he ran to him and pointed at him meaningfully, a big wet smile on his face.

“Is he your son?” A young man beside him asked, surprising him with the question.

He nodded without thinking, only realizing what he'd done after the man patted his shoulder and congratulated him. It felt so natural to do that, he got amazed at his own readiness.

He swallowed at the wonderous emotion, because he was proud of the boy as if Carl was his own. With a silent _wow_ muttered at the tight feeling in his chest, he laughed to himself and felt a million times glad and thankful to be a part of Carl's and Sebastian's lives.

The match ended in their team's favor with Carl managing to score the decisive goal. Nico was beside himself with joy and the boys showered him with their love.

Kimi watched their happiness, waited around with Nico and the representatives for the boys to shower and dry themselves.

To celebrate their win, Nico took them to a restaurant and Kimi was sure that they ate half of the place down. But it was good fun exchanging photos and videos, rewatching their goals and laughing over good food.

Kimi offered Carl to return with his friends on the team bus if he wished so, but Carl chose to go with him.

Carl appeared to be quite tired, but he was animatedly chatting with Kimi, now feeling completely at ease with him just like he felt when he was with his uncle. “Seb would have been screaming his lungs out if he'd seen my goal.” He sounded a bit wistful.

“I think he'd be quite jealous if he'd seen what you did after scoring it.” Kimi snorted, reminding Carl's dedication of the goal to him. “In fact, he must already be jealous, because I have sent all the photos and the videos both to him and Aina while I was sending them to you and Nico.”

Carl's eyes widened in pleased surprise. “I really want to see their reactions.” He grinned, too, getting comfortable against his seat. The inside of the car was warm, he was tired and full and getting sleepy. “I hope they'll be able to see one of my matches, too.” He made a wish.

“Hopefully, Carl, because this was amazing. Your play was amazing and I'm really glad that you invited me.”

Carl smiled. “Inviting? More like me practically making you chauffeur me to the match... I should be the one thanking you.” He shrugged. “But, really… Thank you for coming with me, for giving me courage.”

Kimi's smile was so big and beautiful that Carl could only watch him in awe. “No, kid… Thank you for choosing to spend your day with me. I know today meant a lot to you. I feel privileged to be a part of it. Now the two of us have a memory together that Aina and Seb will be forever jealous of.” He laughed a bit wickedly, but even that was cute.

“Now, that's true…” Carl nodded and marvelled at the big heart of this man. No wonder everyone who managed to get close to him fell for Kimi's charms. And that reminded him something. “The guys were in a riot, asking me how I managed to get you to drive me here.”

“What did you say to them?”

“That you are my manager now…” Carl grinned at his own boldness.

Kimi nodded in approval, amused. “I can be that if the position is there.”

“I think Hulk has other ideas… Like offering you to be the tribune leader or something.”

Kimi looked puzzled. “Why would he do that, you already have one as far as I know.”

Carl bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from grinning like a mad man. “You really didn't realize, did you?” He asked, bewildering Kimi more.

“Realize what?”

Carl giggled. “Okay, I am not very sure if Hulk swings that way, but I am quite positive that he finds you cute.”

Kimi sputtered indignantly, his eyes going comically wide, obviously not believing him. “That's not funny, Carl…” He shook his head at the boy.

“But, he does… You are smaller than him and that team livery made you look really younger than ever. You didn't see how he oggled you when you wore them. Totally wide eyed, just like Seb is whenever you breathe near him…” Carl snorted at his own words. “Oh, and Seb will get so jealous when he learns…”

“Which will absolutely never happen…” Kimi warned, smiling tightly.

Laughing some more, Carl raised an eyebrow and watched Kimi's nervous reaction. “Okay…” He relented. “A secret between us then. But if Hulk approaches you about this, don't get too surprised.”

Kimi couldn't believe that he was even hearing this. “I hope that never happens.” He bit on his lower lip. “Though I am an awkward man on a professional level, that would be more awkward than even I can handle.”

Carl snorted and hugged his jacket to himself. “No… You are an awesome man. And everyone can see that.” He protested.

Kimi relented, turning down the volume of the radio. “Well, then... That makes the two of us.” He returned the compliment, winking at the boy. “You should sleep now, your eyes are barely open.” He advised and watched Carl recline his seat back a bit, doing what he said docilely. “Sleep tight, champion.”

Carl silently laughed at the endearment and closed his eyes, quickly falling asleep right there with a smile on his face.

Kimi glanced at his way every once in a while fondly, driving carefully and a bit slower in the rain, thinking about Carl's wish. He really did want Sebastian and Aina to be with him in Carl's next match, too.

* * *

It was past midnight in Shanghai and in a hotel room Sebastian was watching the video of Carl's goal, seeing his nephew's joy and hearing Kimi's laughter and cheering. And earlier in the evening, Aina had sent him some pictures she had taken in the Rome E Prix. They were absurd selfies boasting about her Italy visit to him, taken in a humorous way at the best sightseeing spots of the city, her face barely even visible in most of them.

He didn't know how many times he watched the videos or looked at the pictures of Carl, Kimi and Aina, but he knew that he missed them, that he wanted to be with them right now.

Being here alone, after avoiding telling the truth to Kimi again, he was restless, he was feeling horrible actually. Unable to sleep, he also didn't want to wander around the city when there were too many people from the press in the vicinity.

So he just reclined on his bed against the pillows and went through all his videos and gallery, smiling brokenly at the pictures of their date weekend that Aina had sent him a few days ago.

Being away from them, missing them all this much was his punishment and he vowed to tell it all to Kimi when he'd return. Because this was hurting too much.

* * *

After returning home on Monday night, the first thing Sebastian did the next day was to call Kimi at the first chance he got, but Kimi's number was always busy. The Finn had to have seen that his call was on hold, but even then Kimi didn't call him back. Worried about what could be the reason deterring the other man, Sebastian called Aina during the lunch break.

 _“I am at home with dad. My grandma's illness has taken a turn for the worse… Dad has been trying to find a flight to get there.”_ Aina's voice sounded so subdued and shaky that he could easily tell that this was a serious matter.

 _“They say all the flights are either cancelled or postphoned until the storm passes, but he found a ticket from Warsaw… Dad considers driving there… Alone… In this heavy rain… He doesn't let me come with him. I'm so worried, I don't know what to do, Seb.”_ He heard her voice break on the other end of the line, his heart lurching up to his throat in fear.

“Aina, stay strong. I am going to pack up a few things and come to get Kimi in two hours, okay? I'll go with him. He won't be alone… So, don't you worry yourself, okay? Just learn the flight number for me.”

He heard her supressing a sob even as she thanked him vehemently and he quickly got to work. Luckily, he still had the winter tyres on the Volkswagen Touareg and had the SUV recently checked over, so he was sure that it would hold up to anything the weather might throw at them.

He had been at the restaurant when he had called Aina. Going back home, packing a few change of clothes and some other things that he believed that they'd need took some of his time. But thankfully, Aina was quick to inform him of the flight number and he managed to get a ticket, too.

When he arrived at Kimi's door, Kimi was already in the garage, getting his car ready with Aina looking on at him with extremely distraught eyes.

When Kimi saw Seb, he sighed deeply in exasperation. He looked back at Aina as if silently asking her what she had told Sebastian for him to rush here, but she stubbornly shook her head, a bit angry at him, her eyes wet. “Aina, you know how busy he is…” He complained in a good natured way, to placate her, but Aina was having none of it.

“He said he'd called you so many times… You should have called him back. How can you expect me to hide this from him?”

Kimi swallowed at her rightful ire, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

Just then Sebastian came in through the open garage gate and when he saw the tense atmosphere, he stalled, tensing up, too.

“There was no need for you to come, Seb…” Kimi shook his head at him with an apologetic expression. “Aina is exaggerating this… I have driven in worse weather in Finland, this is nothing.” He indicated the weather, bewildering Sebastian with his uncaring attitude against the storm.

“Are you crazy?” Sebastian frowned at the Finn. “The heavens are coming down from Paris to Berlin and you just shrug it off as nothing?” He approached Aina and petted her head. “Can't you see how you worry her?”

Kimi looked at his daughter's sad and gaunt face and then Sebastian's encouraging smile as she leaned towards him and he rubbed her arm in a half hug, giving her comfort and putting a small smile on her face.

Then it clicked in Kimi's head, his eyes tearing up at the sight as Seb reassured her in a hushed voice that he was going to make sure her dad was going to be alright. Sebastian's presence had quicky given her a sense of security and Seb had managed to ease her worry so quickly with just a touch and a smile as if she had an intrinsic trust in him to make things right. Kimi knew that it could only be felt for a family member and at this point Sebastian was very well family for her and for him… Not just Seb, but Carl, too… And the realization of this hurt something in his chest, but in such a sweet way that Kimi had never known how much he had been missing that feeling.

His shoulders sagged as he watched Sebastian take his luggage out of his Focus and placed it at the back of his own. “Get in, Kimi… Our flight is waiting.” He urged and gave Aina one last hug while Aina thanked him and wished him a safe trip. Seb got back into his car and waited for him.

Kimi felt defeated. Even though deep down inside he had been so happy to see Sebastian right before him in his time of need, he didn't want the younger man to put all his work aside for him when he was this busy and had other places to be. He also didn't want to disstress and upset Aina, but he really had to go if Rami's unsure and shaky voice on the phone had been anything to go by.

Aina came closer and the instant he opened his arms, she threw herself into his embrace, hugging him fiercely. “Be safe, dad. Look after each other on the way, okay?”

Sighing, Kimi nodded and kissed the crown of her head, petting her hair and back gently. “Forgive me for my stubbornness, Aina.” He apologized. “Thank you for telling him.”

Aina leaned a bit back, smiling ruefully. “He is the best… He really is…” She caressed his cheeks and blinked away her tears before planting a kiss on Kimi's cheek. “This kiss is for grandma. Please, take it to her and bring one back to me safely.”

Kimi couldn't help but smile at the integrity of his daughter, emotion swelling in his chest in a tight way. “Take care, dear. Call me or Carl if anything happens.” When she nodded, he kissed her forehead and cupped her cheek lovingly before letting go.

Kimi watched Aina see them off as the garage door securely closed behind them, shutting the heavy rain and the cold air out.

Sebastian directly drove the SUV to the intercity high-speed way, the only sound in the car was the muted sound of the rain pelting against the roof and the wind screen. He patiently waited for Kimi to speak, glancing at the fidgety man's way every once in a while. True to his expectation, Kimi broke their silence with a softly murmured _thank you_.

Seb shrugged. “For what?” He undermined what he had done.

Kimi couldn't help but turn towards him in his seat, looking at the younger man for real after not seeing him again for a whole week. Seb glanced back at him, his eyes beautiful and his expression soft, understanding. Kimi wanted to reach and put a kiss on his lips, but it was impossible.

“For dropping down everything and coming with me… I know you are busy. I just didn't want to bother you with this… I…” He sighed again and turned back to his side, deflating in his seat. “Thank you so much, Seb…” He swallowed and waited for the hurt in his chest to subside.

Sebastian shook his head at his stubbornness, keeping silent until he came to a red light. Then, he quickly caught Kimi's hand and tugged him to his side and leaned towards him and kissed Kimi chastely. He saw the bewilderment, the pain and the gratitude in the wide ice blue eyes before him as Kimi fell back, but Seb didn't let his hand go and put another kiss on the back of it.

“Nothing is more important than you, Kimi. You should have just called me back. I was besides myself with worry until Aina answered me. I hope you know you can rely on me for anything, right?” He asked and saw Kimi nod a bit shyly. “I’d do anything if it would mean I'd see a smile on your face.” He told Kimi solemnly. “Never doubt the lengths I'd go for you.”

Kimi could only stare back at Sebastian's sharp eyes, his own smarting with collecting tears. Without even thinking, he answered. “I'd do the same for you.” He promised and only when Sebastian's expression turned softer with love and adoration he realized that they had made yet another promise again as if they were exchanging their vows. This was happening so frequently that Kimi wondered if Sebastian was aware of it like he was.

“Then there's no problem.” Sebastian put another kiss on Kimi's knuckles and turned his attention back to the road.

Kimi couldn't take his eyes away from him, watching him drive under the storm, lightning illuminating the sky as Sebastian sped through the rain. “Aina said you're the best…” His smile was a sad one. “And you really are, Seb…” He agreed wholeheartedly, biting on his lower lip to contain the emotion.

“Then I am glad I have a new fan.” Sebastian was always happy to hear her praise. “And I am going to make sure to live up to my reputation.” He joked to dissipate the heavy air about them. Though it was a small and sad one, Kimi smiled beside him and that was enough reason for Sebastian to be there.

Silence settled over them and Sebastian concentrated on the road. Whenever he glanced at his way, he saw Kimi watching him with increasingly droopy and tired eyes and after a little while Kimi fell asleep. The rhythmic motion and the sound of the windshield wipers had to have lulled him to sleep, but even then, his brows were furrowed and his face was tense, pained. Seb really hoped that Kimi's mother wasn't as ill as Kimi was fearing her to be. Kimi hadn't said anything about it and Sebastian didn't ask since they were going to see it with their own eyes eventually.

Seb drove for some good three hours with only Kimi's soft breathing as his company. He was beginning to get tired, but he persisted, his mind full of thoughts about his own problems. He had readied himself to talk his decision and plans out with Kimi this week, but after this, he highly doubted that he was going to find a proper moment to open up this conversation with the other man. The thought ate at him and the worry it gave him was enough for him to push past another two hours.

When he felt an undeniable need to stretch his legs, he searched for and found a gas station and Kimi stirred awake.

Kimi looked at the time with wide eyes, realizing that he had slept for five hours straight, he felt immensely guilty. “Why didn't you wake me up? Aren't you tired?” He asked groggily, correcting his posture, looking at Sebastian apologetically.

Seb parked the car and shrugged. “You looked like you didn't sleep a wink last night. You needed it.”

It was a correct guess, because Kimi had been awake since three am last night, woken up by Rami's call, telling him that he should come and see their mom because it might be their last time.

Kimi felt tears prickle his eyes again, but he refused to succumb to the emotion. “Thank you, Seb…” He muttered. “I feel better now, I'll take over.”

“Then let's get out a bit, stretch our legs and freshen up…” Sebastian took their coats from the back seats and they left the car.

Seb watched Kimi go through the motions as if he was on autopilot. Kimi seemed so lackluster, contemplative and far away that he wondered if it was a good idea to let him drive through the pelting rain.

Kimi made his calls, his expression remaining tight and pensive. They ate and Kimi drunk a huge mug of unsavory coffee just to take in some caffeine, hating the taste of it. He took over from Sebastian as he had promised and to the great surprise of the younger man, he drove perfectly and even faster than him after returning to the highway.

Sebastian marvelled at Kimi's level of concentration. “You are such a wasted talent…” He lamented, sincerely wondering how different Kimi's life would be if he could have been lucky enough to follow the career path of a professional driver.

“I wonder…” Kimi shrugged, deep down inside still unsure about the way things turned out for him.

“You never felt bitter about it?”

Kimi looked on at the road as lightening struckt again and illuminated everywhere in unnatural hues. “When I was a teenager, I did… I…” He sighed deeply at the memory. “I felt so ill-fated and so scorned that I thought about dropping out of school. I thought about running away from home.” He chuckled derisively, still getting the taste of those pain filled days on his tongue.

Sebastian knew of that horrible pain, knew how it felt to be stripped off his dreams. “That much, huh?” He bit on his lip.

Kimi nodded, pressing his lips into a thin line. “I realized it too late, but I made my parents quite unhappy with my grief, especially my father…”

It was so easy to see how much regret and guilt Kimi had been going through because of this that Sebastian felt his own eyes tear up as he witnessed it. “Sorry for bringing up nasty memories like this, Kimi…” He apologized, cursing himself silently.

“It's okay… There's no use in ignoring it, because it's a big part of my life that shaped up my future.”

Sebastian wondered something, but he wasn't so sure he'd like the answer if it was going to be about Fernando. He worried his lip to stop himself from talking.

“You wonder how I got out of my slump?” Kimi guessed and when he saw Sebastian's wide eyes, he realized he was right. “It is simple, actually. I gave up.” He shrugged, knowing that it must have sounded like an insult to the younger man, because Sebastian didn't have the word _‘giving up’_ in his book. “I just let things unfold in their course and accepted it all.” God, it hurt so much to admit this even now.

Sebastian kept his silence, solely because this was neither the time to ask more questions about this still festering wound of Kimi's, nor he wanted to hurt Kimi more by making him think on it more on top of his mother's condition. But he was shocked to hear Kimi's reasoning and felt ashamed of himself for never putting a real thought on how Kimi had to be feeling about his own unrealized dream.

“In time, you learn how to let things go even if the process might hurt more than the absence of the thing you are trying to get over.” Kimi smiled brokenly and then sighed. “All in the past, Sebby… Don't worry yourself about it. You are tired, you should sleep.” He advised, holding out his right hand.

Seb took it and placed it on his cheek before pressing a kiss into the palm of it. “Love you, dearest…” He told him the only thing that came to his mind and maybe that was the only thing that mattered.

Kimi smiled at that, for real this time. “I love you, too… And sleep well…” He took his hand back after caressing Sebastian's stubbly cheek.

Sebastian turned his body towards him as best as he could and reclined his seat back. “You know you can turn the radio on if you want. I don't mind.” He urged, because he didn't want to leave Kimi to the silence of the car when his thoughts had to be so loud in his head.

Kimi really needed something to distract himself with, so he set the player to run whatever was already uploaded to its system and turned down the volume. He drove on, knowing that these songs were all what Sebastian would listen to as he'd drive this car. The soft pop tunes relaxed him and the night darkened around them. He glanced at Seb's sleeping face every once in a while, getting strength from the innocence of it.

He stopped at a border facility, but didn't wake Sebastian. The rain was a bit tamer here and Kimi watched it with a big mug of coffee as he leaned against the SUV. This time the coffee was much better, so he got himself another big cup and got in to drive more.

Sebastian woke up after four hours, finding himself in yet another part of Europe. Kimi glanced his way when he moved and smiled at him softly.

“You can sleep a bit more, Seb.” Kimi offered, but Sebastian shook his head, checking the time.

“We have five hours left? Where are we?”

“Three hours away from Warsaw, we just passed the border.”

“Pull up somewhere. I'm going to take over.”

Kimi stopped the car and they both got out into the night. The cold air hit them mercilessly and woke them up completely. At least, it wasn't raining here even though the air smelled damp and fresh with recent rain.

Sebastian hopped back to the driver's seat and in two hours they were at the airport. Having three hours to themselves before their flight, they took good advantage of it. They ate and walked around to get some exercise. They didn't talk much, but even the silence was relaxing.

Kimi looked so tired and pale that even eating a hearty meal did not put a bit of color on his cheeks and it greatly bothered Sebastian, making him fear that the other man might fall ill after this, too.

He hugged Kimi in a half embrace as they sat side by side, waiting for their flight and unsurprisingly, Kimi simply drifted into sleep with dark circles under his eyes and a deep furrow between his brows.

Unfortunately, they had to sit at completely different parts of the plane, but the flight was short and before they knew it, they were in Helsinki.

From then on, it was a blur for Kimi. He didn't quite register when they reached his hometown and the hospital. He came to himself and blinked a few times at the lady manning the front desk when he had told her his mother's name.

Sebastian took him to the room she had mentioned and Kimi bit on his lip in fear of what he was about to find inside. He hesitated at the door, but Sebastian took the initiative and knocked softly and opened it for him.

Kimi was greeted with the sight of his mother hooked up to a heart monitor and IVs. There was a breathing mask on her face and she was asleep. She looked much thinner than how she had been the last time he had seen her.

Rami's wife Kristiina had been the one waiting upon her last night and she was immediately beside him, giving him a hug and greeting him in Finnish, rubbing his shoulder to comfort him like a sister.

“How is she?” Kimi could barely speak, his voice choking in his throat, his eyes bleary.

Kristiina smiled at him encouragingly as he helped Kimi sit by Paula's side, her gaze giving him courage. “They had discarded her from intensive care yesterday evening. I think when Rami told her that you were coming with your friend here, it gave her the energy to recover.”

Kimi looked on at her, wide eyed.

“Aina…” Kristiina explained. _But, of course…_ “Paula is so excited to meet your friend.” Then she turned to Sebastian who was awkwardly still standing beside the door with a soft and timid expression on his face. She smiled at him, too and after patting Kimi's shoulder one last time, she went to Sebastian's side.

“Hello, Sebastian. I'm Kristiina, Rami's wife.” She introduced herself, shaking the puzzled German's hand warmly. Quick to understand the reason of his bewilderment, she explained. “Aina told us a lot about you.”

 _Ah, so that's why…_ Sebastian thought. “Nice to meet you.”

“I’m sure you'd like to order a cup of coffee for me, right?” Kristiina meaningfully smiled at him and Sebastian quickly opened the door for her.

“And a breakfast if you'd like…” He offered, making her smile genuinely.

Kimi watched them leave, thankful that Kristiina gave him some privacy with his mother. He gently caressed her hair and then took her limp hand in his, placing the palm of it on his cheek as he wept silently, no longer able to contain the jagged emotion inside after straining himself too long to stay strong in Aina's and Sebastian's presence.

He closed his eyes and just sat there, listening to the bips of the heart monitor, his shoulders shaking in suppressed sobs. “I am sorry, I wasn't by your side, mom…” He whispered in Finnish, kissing the back her hand reverently. “I am sorry I am always late.” He lamented, remembering how he had also been late to see his father one last time.

Then, Paula's hand moved in his grasp and she asked in a raspy voice. “Late to what, boy?” Her voice took on a happy tone. “I am not going anywhere before meeting that German boyfriend of yours.”

Kimi looked back at her with wide wet eyes, her smile visible even behind the oxygen mask. “Mom…” He sighed in relief as Paula dried his tears with her shaky hand. “Good morning…” He choked on a sob, but he was happy.

“Morning, but, where is he? I want to see him.” Paula looked around, bewildering Kimi with her enthusiasm for meeting Sebastian. “Don't tell me he didn't come!” She pinched Kimi's cheek, effectively making him forget all his sadness.

“He… He is with Kristiina…” Kimi could only gape at the way she tried to sit up in her bed. “Mom, careful… Are you even supposed to do that?”

Paula pursed her lips, a bit annoyed. “Help me up, then.” She ordered, Kimi obeying her docilely and propping her a bit up, carefully listening to the heart monitor while doing that. “Bring me the comb in the bathroom and brush my hair, Kimi.” She pointed at a door in the room and again Kimi did as he was told, completely dazed and mystified.

He gently brushed her shoulder lenght hair, fleetingly thinking how much he liked doing this for her since he was a small kid.

“Give that bag to me now.”

Kimi saw a handbag on the guest couch at the back, quirking an eyebrow at her. “Mom, that's Kristiina's.”

“Boy, put that eyebrow back at its place and hand that to me. I want to see myself.” Paula berated him with a small smile.

Kimi huffed at her good-naturedly and gave her the bag. Her hand immediately went for a small pocket and took out a mini fold up mirror. Kimi watched in fascinated stupor as she took off her mask and checked herself out, not completely satisfied with what she saw.

“Hmm, I really need a bit of colour.” Paula pinched her own cheek and pouted cutely. “I want to look my best.”

“Mom, you always look perfect to me.” Kimi tried to appease her, but she giggled, waving a hand at him dismissively.

“No, silly boy, not for you…” Paula's ice blue eyes twinkled with mirth.

Kimi's mouth dropped open. “For Sebastian?”

“Of course…” She coughed a little. “I am about to meet the person who managed to steal my little boy's heart after so long.” Her heart beat picked up quite a bit and Kimi quickly placed her mask back on her face, his own heart jumping up to his throat.

“Easy, mom, easy, calm down…”

Paula nodded at him, taking deep breaths that rattled in her chest, but she was smiling. “Call him, call him…” She whispered.

Unable to deny her, Kimi texted Seb and Kristiina to come to the room and then smoothed her hair back. “So you wanted to see him more than me?” He asked lovingly.

She nodded again, amused at Kimi's fake show of hurt. Her heart beat settling down, she sighed deeply and held out her hand for her son to take, which Kimi did immediately. “So happy to see you, Kimi… So glad you came…” She squezeed his hand weakly in hers, putting a sad smile on Kimi's face. “Don't you worry yourself. I'll be fine, I'll be as good as new soon. I won't make you cry, my boy. I promise.” She murmured behind her mask and smiled.

Kimi could barely keep himself from crying as he nodded and leaned in to kiss her forehead and then cheek. “Of course you'll be better, mom. And you never made me cry, I was the one causing all the tears in this family.” He swallowed, caressing her silky hair and nuzzling his cheek at the back of her hand.

With sad eyes, Paula regarded Kimi's struggle with himself to keep looking strong before her. “No, Kimi… You have always been the joy of this family no matter however the course of life might have made you feel about yourself… Believe me, I'd never lie to my little baby.”

There were tears in his eyes, but Kimi couldn't help but snort at the way she still called him. “Mom, I am almost 40.” He reminded her.

“How impudent…” Paula berated him with a smile. “As if I can ever forget for how long I have had this joy I named Kimi in my life…”

Kimi bit on his lower lip, trying to blink away his tears, but two of them fell. He took a deep breath and rubbed at his face, willing away his sadness. He came back to himself with Paula's tentative question.

“Is he treating you well?” She had big hopeful eyes, looking back at Kimi searchingly.

Kimi nodded immediately, smiling despite himself when it's about Sebastian. “He was so busy, but dropped everything down just to drive me here.” He explained.

“Good… Good…” Paula was murmuring. “Tell me about him…”

Kimi chuckled wetly at the request. “Don't you already know everything? Aina must be giving you weekly digests.”

Paula giggled as if she was a little kid with her secret outed. “She might be… Yes… But know that it has been the highlight of my last few months.” She sighed, her fingers playing with Kimi's as she watched his face take on a soft expression filled with love and longing. She knew it when her boys were in love and Kimi was so deeply that it elevated her spirits.

“Hearing about your happiness, about the things you do together… Having fun, enjoying your time after so long… Kimi, you have no idea how much joy it gives me.” She began coughing again and Kimi helped her sip some water.

“Mom, don't tire yourself…” Kimi tried to get her have a breather, but Paula shrugged.

“I just want to see you happy, too.” _Before I die…_ She shook her head, knowing that Kimi could guess the words she left unsaid.

Painfully aware of those unsaid words, Kimi nodded at her with an air of sureness and faith. “I am happy, mom… Have no doubt about it, I am happy.” He told her.

Appeased by the solid conviction in her son's eyes, Paula relaxed against her pillows and serenely smiled. “I am so glad. So glad…” She murmured and they fell silent. Kimi continued holding her hand and let her have some rest, their silence companionable as the sun continued climbing up in the sky.

A short while later, there was a knock on the door and after Kristiina, Sebastian came in with a huge bouquet of colorful carnations, a beautific smile on his face, full of energy as if he hadn't been the one spending a day driving and flying across Europe.

Paula's eyebrows rose at the sight of him, a nice smile claiming her features. “Oh, my… Look at him, he is like the sun…” She giggled and accepted the beautiful flowers, excited and happy that Sebastian brought her favorites.

Sebastian was excited, too, for getting to meet Kimi's immediate family, albeit he'd have very much preferred to see Paula healthy and on her feet. He took her hand and kissed the back of it elegantly, making her giggle more.

“Such a gentleman… Come, sit beside me.” She shooed Kimi away from the armchair, making everyone present chuckle at the way she immediately forgot about her own son.

Seb took Kimi's spot and shyly held Paula's eyes, knowing that she was observing him. First impressions generally stuck for a lifetime, so Seb did not avert his eyes and looked back at her with a soft smile of his own.

“You have such honest eyes…” Paula nodded sagely and Seb's eyes widened at her comment before he murmured a small _thank you_. “It's so good to finally meet you. Sorry for the state that I am in.”

Seb was quick to protest. “Nothing is more important than your health, Ma'am… And I can't look anywhere else other than your eyes.” He complimented, making her laugh.

“Such a sweet talker you are, calling me Ma'am…” She pinched Seb's cheek.

“Mom…” Kimi groaned from the side, smiling at Sebastian's helplessness. “You can't just pinch everyone's cheeks like that…”

“What? His cheeks are squishy like yours.” Paula protested.

It was Sebastian's turn to snort, because apparently Paula liked doing this to Kimi, too. Then he turned his attention back to her. “How do you feel today?”

Paula hugged the carnations to herself, pleased by the sight of them. “I love carnations, and I finally got to meet you. I feel better than I felt in months.” She told him truthfully, her words consoling them and making them all happy.

As Sebastian continued chatting with Paula, Kimi saw off Kristiina so that she could go home and rest, too. Then, the doctor came in to make his scheduled rounds and Kimi went out to talk with him privately.

The doctor was amazed that Paula was so chatty and looked way better than when she had been accepted into the hospital, but he believed that the reason of her sudden boost of energy was the prospect of seeing Kimi again. She looked fine now, but it could be deceiving and the doctor had no idea when her tired heart would finally give out on her.

Kimi sat down on a bench in the corridor and looked around with unseeing eyes, his heart breaking, but he couldn't do anything about it. He stayed there a bit, calling Aina and reassuring her that her grandmother was fine. Hearing her voice helped him ground himself a bit, but he was still shaken, his hands trembling slightly, his stomach feeling quesy. He was so tired that it felt as if he was about to faint, but he hung on, his teeth clenched and his hands balled into fists.

He stood up and returned to his mother's room, finding her asleep with Sebastian watching over her like a guardian angel bathed in light. Something sizzled in Kimi's heart at the sight, remembering Paula's offhanded comment.

 _He really is like the sun…_ Kimi thought as Sebastian stood up and took him in a firm embrace as if he instinctively knew that Kimi needed it. He was warm and strong and Kimi buried his face into the crook of his neck, sighing deeply a few times, which quickly turned into sobbing.

Kimi tried to rein in his sadness for Sebastian's sake, but he couldn't stop himself for the life of him, tears falling onto the younger man's shoulder and the small noises he made were muffled by his clothes.

Sebastian held Kimi as securely as he could, his heart heavy at the way Kimi's shoulders trembled under his touch and his breath hitched and rasped against his neck. He ran his fingers through Kimi's hair, putting small kisses against the side of his face as he slowly rocked him from side to side just like Kimi would do for him whenever he had the chance.

“Cry, Kimi…” He whispered to him. “Cry as much as you want. No need to try to be strong with me. I'll be your strenght. I am here, I'll keep you together, I won't ever let you fall apart. So, cry until you feel better.”

Kimi shuddered at the beautiful words, his chest tightening further with emotion and more tears fell as Sebastian never slackened his embrace and waited for him patiently to find himself back again.

After a while, when Kimi relaxed in his hold and fell silent, Sebastian directed him to the couch in the room, and Kimi was pliant as Sebastian helped him lay down on it with his head on the younger man's lap. He rubbed at his eyes furiously, reddening them further until Sebastian gently stopped him.

“Sleep a bit, dearest. You need it.”

Kimi looked up at him blearily, holding his hand and kissing the palm of it.

Sebastian smiled down at him and smoothed out the severe frown between his eyebrows with his other hand. “You have to look good for her, right? So, rest a bit, dearest.” He whispered.

Kimi nodded docilely and tried to relax, but his eyes were still on Sebastian, unable to stop himself from watching him.

As if understanding Kimi's struggle to stay awake, Seb smiled. “I am here. I'll watch over the both of you. Close your eyes, Kimi.” He gently ran his hand over the Finn’s face as if one would do for a baby, and ever the trusting and loving man he was, Kimi actually closed his eyes, obeying Seb.

“Love you…” Kimi whispered and held onto Sebastian's hand. He didn't hear the younger man's answer before he fell asleep, his body going lax and his hold slackening.

It was alarming how quickly Kimi's body shut down, proof of his exhaustion. Sebastian guessed that the reason had to be mostly emotional and mental more than actual physical weariness. He went on gently petting Kimi's hair and caressing his face as he watched the mother and son sleep, thinking about his own mother, whose beautiful face he hadn't seen for more than two years now.

And he silently wept for her, bitter and full of longing to see her smiling upon him again like she'd used to do before he had fucked up their whole world.

_TBC..._


	18. Waiting On A Sunny Day

It shouldn’t have been a surprise for Kimi to see that both Kristiina and Paula had become totally smitten with Sebastian within a day. The younger man had a captivating energy, keeping Paula busy with his talk about his restaurant and workers, making jokes and amusing Paula with his bright and natural energy.

Paula was constantly smiling and laughing as she looked at the pictures Sebastian was showing her on his phone. He had a huge collection. The ones taken in his loft and in the forest, their skating date, from the times they had gone to different restaurants for taste testing, coffee shops, Kimi’s school, Seb’s restaurant, Carl’s matches, Aina’s trips to different cities and races, their picnic, arcade, karaoke, Kimi and him in Seb’s garage, trying out the Ferraris, them cooking together, kids studying together… Sebastian had shown her all, telling her the stories behind them, embarrassing Kimi and giving Paula immense delight.

She had seen some of those pictures and videos before thanks to Aina, but hearing the memories attached to them from Sebastian and Kimi was the sweetest medicine she could ever get.

Paula watched her son and Sebastian smile at each other, their eyes twinkling with mirth and soft with love and adoration. She had never seen Kimi like this. Not even when his love for Fernando had been unshakable Kimi had ever been this relaxed, at ease and at peace. He was literally unable to take his eyes away from Sebastian. And Sebastian was no different, either. He was practically moonstruck, his eyes coming alive, his smile widening whenever he looked back at Kimi. Watching them like this together was giving her life, her heart bursting with joy and thudding more strongly in her chest. This sight was all she had ever asked for for her son and she wished that Matti could have seen Kimi like this, too.

Their good mood persisted until at night when Rami came to visit her and met Sebastian.

Rami was tall, taking after their father both physically and personality wise. His eyes were sharp and he was a silent man, even more intimidating than Kimi had been when Sebastian had first met him in his restaurant.

Rami scrutinized Sebastian from head to toe, assessing him as if one would size up their foe. 

Thankfully, Sebastian had been ready for the cold reception, getting cued in on the situation by Kristiina earlier. He shook Rami's hand cordially and his smile never faltered even under Rami's thinly veiled displeasure.

Not many words were exchanged between them as Kimi was quick to get Sebastian out for dinner, taking advantage of Rami's visit. 

When they returned, they got an even colder reception, probably because Paula had spoken her mind about Rami's attitude, but apparently it caused an opposite reaction in the other man.

They saw him off and Paula quickly fell asleep, leaving the two of them alone in each other's company.

“Didn't you want to catch up with him?” Sebastian asked while they were snuggling side by side on the couch with the TV in the room on, but its sound muted.

Kimi shrugged dismissively. “We talk almost every day on the phone and I didn't want him to say anything edgy to you in front of my mother.” He played with the younger man's hand, nervous.

It was apparent that his big brother's suspicious and standoffish behavior had upset Kimi further and Sebastian hated to see a new burden being added on Kimi's shoulders.

“Kimi, for the record, I am not offended by his behavior…” Sebastian turned a bit and planted a kiss upon the head on his shoulder. “He is right for being wary of me after what you have gone through with… with that man. And I am sure he knows of my past… So, I can understand his aversion.” 

Kimi leaned a bit away and held Sebastian's eyes, his own sad and apologetic. “I am sorry you have to deal with this. Rami never liked him and apparently for a good reason, but you did nothing to deserve this kind of attitude… He is being paranoid.” 

Sebastian shook his head, giving a gentle squeeze to Kimi's hand. “It's alright, Kimi. Don't worry about it. Because, let me say it again, I took no offense.” He assured. Then a small fond smile appeared on his face and he huffed good naturedly. “It is cute actually, him being so protective of you… He is quite intimidating, but I can see that he is a softie like you inside.”

Kimi snorted. “Rami is a strict man, taken after our father. But he means well, he just can't always express it in equal measure. He and I are an awkward bunch.” He smiled.

“You're not awkward, you are cute.” Seb protested and that earned a small chuckle from Kimi. “And I am going to win him over, too. Sooner or later, you'll see.” He promised.

Kimi sincerely believed that Sebastian could do it, because he had that kind of charm. He relaxed back against his warm body, his eyes on the TV screen, pensive. “There's a hotel near the hospital, Seb. Go, have a nice shower and sleep on an actual bed.” He urged.

Sebastian glanced at him and saw the sadness settling back on Kimi's features. He gently massaged Kimi's nape with the tips of his fingers before he hugged him closer to his chest. “Would you leave my side if it was my mom on that bed and me with this sad frown on my face?” He questioned.

Kimi immediately shook his head and looked up into Seb's eyes. “Never…” His reply was firm.

A small, satisfied smile appeared on Sebastian's lips. “And there you got your answer, dearest.”

That frown deepened and Kimi took in a tormented breath. “But I want you to rest well.” He whispered. “I have inconvenienced you enough. I don’t want you to lose your health over this.”

Sebastian actually laughed softly at that, drawing Kimi’s bewildered eyes on him. “Wherever you are is the only place that I can rest, Kimi. I hope you understand that nothing can inconvenience me when it comes from you.” He sealed his words with a soft chaste kiss on Kimi’s parted lips.

Kimi’s expression slowly melted into a sentimental one, a bit more relieved than before. “I love you.” He leaned in again and this time, gave the younger man a proper kiss.

“Love you, too.” Sebastian sighed against Kimi’s lips and settled back to the couch to stop himself from going for another kiss, because it had not been enough. He had already been missing their intimacy since even before he had left for China last week, but this was neither the time, nor the place.

Not realizing the reason of Sebastian’s shaky sigh, Kimi stood up from his side, took the spare blanket and pillow from the cupboard and arranged them for Sebastian.

Seb reclined on the couch simply to appease Kimi, smiling at him sweetly when Kimi rewarded him with another little kiss and then lowered the lights before sitting back at the armchair to watch over him and his mother. He caressed Sebastian’s hair soothingly, curling the longer bits around his finger occasionally as he played with his phone, texting Aina.

The dizzying motion and the gentle pulls at his hair slowly lulled Sebastian to sleep and Kimi was left alone with his thoughts again, unaware that Paula had been listening to them all this time.

* * *

Next day in the evening, the doctor decided to discharge Paula from the hospital after her new test results came back significantly better than when she had been accepted.

She was ecstatic and vehemently refused to go with Rami to his house. She wanted to return back to her own home and demanded Sebastian to be her guest for the night.

Kimi and Sebastian were happy to comply; especially Sebastian was quite excited to see where Kimi was born and grew up.

Paula’s home was a very beautiful one, situated in a garden which was all green and in full bloom now. Paula was chatting about her flowers with Seb while Kimi was parking Rami’s car.

Rami took his mother in his arms bridal style, making her protest at the treatment, because she insisted that she could walk. He brought her in and everyone followed them.

While Kristiina helped Paula to get clean and relax, Kimi went into the kitchen to whip up a filling dinner for all of them. That left Rami and Sebastian alone in the living room in an awkward silence as Rami literally tried to incinerate Seb down with his stare.

Sebastian felt more nervous than he had felt for a long time, but he miraculously managed to keep his soft expression on his face. He was aware that he had to go through this, because he had been in Rami’s position, too, when he had first met his sister’s husband.

Rami was observing him with narrowed down eyes and Sebastian could no longer keep his quiet under the judging gaze of the other man. “I love him.” He told Rami, his face turning serious when Rami kept quiet. “I will make him happy, because my happiness relies on his.” He continued bravely. “I won’t make him cry, because his tears hurt me more than my own.” He refused averting his eyes even though the ice blue stare of the other man gradually turned into a glare.

“Nice sentiments…” Rami rested his chin on his hand, his expression condescending. “You'll return to racing, right?” 

Sebastian realized that it wasn't a question, Rami was sure of it. His bewilderment had to have betrayed him, because a sharp smirk appeared on Rami's face as soon as he saw it.

“You have the same eyes as that bastard. That's how I know.” Rami explained and it actually hurt Sebastian to be compared to Fernando yet again.

He sighed deeply to settle his ire and nerves and rubbed a hand at his face. “What kind of eyes are they?” He asked in a small voice.

“Focused eyes…” Rami leaned forward, his face hard like carved from stone. “Too focused actually, it is eerie… You are eager, excited, greedy, but for what I don't know.” He shook his head. “You'll make it. You'll make it big, yes. You are that hungry.” He prophesied. “But where is Kimi in all this?”

Sebastian’s answer was immediate. “Right in the middle of it… I am going to achieve it with him by my side.” He told with conviction.

Rami seemed to give his words serious thought. “By your side, huh? What, then? Are you going to marry him?” He bluntly asked, watching for Sebastian's reaction closely.

As soon as he heard the question, Sebastian's eyes widened comically and he felt himself flush. One hand going for his face, he instinctively tried to close it over his mouth to stop himself from grinning like a fool, because yes, the idea of marrying Kimi made him giddy with bubbling excitement and his body shivered at the intensity of it. Flashes of possibilities raced in his mind and he looked back at Rami with big awed eyes even as he tried to school his face into a serious expression, but he couldn't. His smile was so wide and in his exhilaration, he couldn't sit still. 

“Thank you for the idea.” He nodded at Rami who had been watching him as if he was looking at a mad man. “When I propose, I'll make sure that you'll be the first one to hear about it.” Then he stood up, winked at him and went for the kitchen. “Let's see if he needs some help.” He disappeared with a skip in his step.

Rami neither stopped nor followed him, kept seated on his father's favorite armchair with an unreadable expression. He took out his phone and pulled up Aina's contact, sending her only this text message.

_ ‘This guy is a total nutcase, but damn, he’s managed to grow on me.’ _

* * *

The next morning was a beautiful one.

Kimi woke up in his old room, on his own bed with an armful of Sebastian curled up into him, warm with his reassuring weight draped all over him. 

Kimi didn't mind the way how he was no longer able to feel his left arm, his limb had fallen asleep under the beloved head of the younger man. He didn't dare to move in fear of waking Seb up, because it was still early and there was no sound in the house.

He lay there; listening to Sebastian's breaths and thinking about everything. He wondered how his life would have unfolded if instead of Fernando, he'd have met Sebastian all those years ago. Would his father have liked Seb? Would he have been at ease and happy to know that his son was in better hands? Not having a chance to ever get to know that hurt Kimi immensely. Maybe in another life time, maybe under other circumstances… He sighed and shook his head. Romantic notions like that provided a moment's relief from the harshness of the reality, but it was only temporary and Kimi refused to dwell on the idea.

Sebastian stirred in his arms. The younger man hugged him tighter and his face in the crook of his neck made him ticklish with his grown beard. 

“Morning, beautiful…” Seb whispered into Kimi's ear, enjoying the shiver that he gave to the Finn. He sleepily snuggled as close as possible and Kimi wrapped his arms around him, running his hands in his hair and on his back.

“Slept well?” Kimi asked and felt a kiss against his neck.

“Not slept well like this for a while…” Sebastian hummed. “Your room is cozy and the bed is comfortable and you smell so good.” He nuzzled his face into the sensitive skin of the other man, making him giggle.

“You can sleep a bit more until I get breakfast ready.” Kimi offered, wanting Sebastian to get his rest as much as possible. 

Seb shook his head. “It's fine… Just let me stay like this a bit more, I missed you.” He whispered.

“Missed you, too.” Kimi confessed, just wanting to spend time with him and forget about all his worries beside Sebastian's joy and warmth.

He didn't know how long they stayed wrapped around each other like that, but they needed to get up. When Sebastian didn't slacken his hold on him, he chuckled and kissed the pouting bottom lip of the other man, trying to placate him.

“Please, stay just a bit more…” Seb whined, still half asleep, really needing Kimi's presence. But today they were leaving and Kimi had things to do.

“When we get back, I am all yours, Seb. I'll do whatever you want.” Kimi promised and that instantly woke Sebastian up.

The wide and suddenly clear eyes of the German was a cute sight and Kimi kissed him on the lips before detangling himself from him. But Sebastian sat up and held on to his hand, stopping him.

“Really?” He asked, his face now serious and intense in a way that made Kimi's knees go weak.

Kimi could only nod at him as Sebastian brought his hand to his lips and kissed the back of it without breaking their eye contact.

“I'll be sure to remind you this.” A slow smile spread on Sebastian's lips and Kimi felt a shiver run down his spine at the promise.

He practically escaped from the room, leaving a smirking Sebastian behind. He checked upon his mother and helped her out and then made her comfortable in the garden gazebo because she wanted to have her tea among her flowers.

Sebastian came down, curious like the cat, observing every inch of the house as he took out the things Kimi prepared to the garden porch. 

He kissed Paula on the cheek, making her giggle like a young girl and amusing Kimi. She was smiling at him and her son as they spread a beautiful breakfast on the gazebo table. 

They ate together, Paula practically ordering the both of them to eat from this and that and all, because they were both too thin, telling them that they should look after each other well and what kind of a restaurant owner was Sebastian without at least sporting a cute tummy and some meat on his bones, really…

Sebastian took lots of photos and selfies and even secretly recorded a video as Paula practically guilt tripped Kimi into eating everything that she had piled upon his plate. 

After they cleaned up the table, Sebastian brought Paula her medicines and she asked him to sit down with her for a while, telling him that Kimi could manage on his own inside.

Sebastian poured her some water and dutifully helped her take each medicine, watching as a small derisive smile appeared on Paula's pale features.

“I know these are just delaying the inevitable.” Paula began, burrowing into her thin blanket and looking out at her florishing garden. The sun was bright and it was a warm and peaceful day. As if in contrast, her words were dark, but there was an uncaring smile on her face.

“You are a good boy, Sebastian.” She commended him, her eyes trained on him. “I am glad Kimi has got you.” He reached out and Seb took her hand in his, a sad smile appearing on his face. “When I am gone, please support him, okay?” She asked, putting a pained frown on his brows.

“Please, don't talk like this about yourself.” 

“But it will happen… Don't give me those big eyes…” She smiled again. “Now that I have seen you, now that I know how much you love him I am at peace with the idea of it.” 

Sebastian sighed at her resignation, but did not interrupt her again. 

“Kimi will get over it quickly because he has you now…” She took a deep breath, her gaze cloudy. “But he had been all alone when Matti had passed away.  _ That man… _ He had been mistreating Kimi… Matti was mad at Kimi, saying that he shouldn't have trusted him, he should have listened to his father and get that man out of his life before he'd turn Kimi into just a pawn to his egoistical games. But Kimi always trusted that man, told us that he'd been true to him, that everything was just a cover to protect their privacy.”

Sebastian loathed hearing anything about Fernando, but he also knew that he had to listen how that man's vices hurt not only Kimi's but also his parents’ lives.

“In the end, Matti was right and my poor boy was so devastated that he couldn't even come to us for help, thinking that he no longer had the right to ask for his own father's support… Suffering alone in that far away city… Trying to rebuild his life from the ground.” Paula's face was a picture of pain as she recalled everything yet again.

“They never had the chance to sit down and talk it over, the two of them. Matti died believing that he'd never managed to be a good father to Kimi. Neither good enough to provide him with the money and the means to pursue his dream, nor strong enough to prevent Kimi from tying his life to the wrong person…” She pressed a hand at her chest, grimacing.

“Take a breather, please. You are tiring yourself.” Sebastian urged, worried of ruining the progress she'd made in the hospital.

“No, boy… I am fine. I need to tell you this, because I know Kimi wouldn't find the courage to do so for a long time…” She drank some water and continued. “What is worse than that is to this day Kimi believes that he is the reason of his father's death. He never stopped blaming himself for it. My boy is a difficult one, Sebastian. He overthinks, shoulders the blame of the things he has no power over, makes a choice in hopes of being happy only to be slapped across the face with more sadness.” 

It was as if Paula was describing him, Sebastian could only look on at the eerie resemblance as she talked. 

“He is like a clam, you know…” Paula smiled ruefully. “When he can't deal with it all, he just shuts himself in and everyone out. He just runs away from everything when in fact he carries that burden on his shoulders to wherever he goes. He lets himself float, stops resisting the current and just exists…” She swallowed, her eyes teary. 

“If in the future something happens and he tries to do that again, please don't let him, Sebastian. He is a bull headed fool, he'll resist, he might turn into the most disagreeable man on Earth, but please… Please, never give up on him and never give him up.” She pleaded with him and Sebastian nodded, feeling tear drops falling down without even touching his face. His chest hurt so much that he couldn't even imagine how Paula had been able to live with the knowledge of this for so long.

“You really are a good boy…” Paula patted his head like a mother. “Wish I could meet the mom who raised such a sweet boy as you…” She lamented and that instantly put a log in Sebastian's throat, his eyes tearing up again. 

“She'd love to get to know you, too…” He whispered.

That caused her to raise her eyebrows at him. “No promises to arrange a meeting for us?” She pursed her lips, disappointed. “I am not dying tomorrow, you know.”

Sebastian shook his head, realizing how she might have misunderstood him. “I… I am not talking with my family anymore…” He confessed, more tears tumbling down his cheeks.

Paula realized that she had scratched at a deep wound. She looked at him with sorrowful eyes, unable to stand his pain. She reached out and cradled his face between her hands, drying his tears. “Everything will be alright, boy… Everything will be fine, just wait and see… Just trust me on this…” She promised.

Sebastian nodded at her, wanting to believe her words with his entire being. “How do you know?” He asked meekly and she pinched both his cheeks, effectively putting a smile on his face.

“Because, you have each other now…”

* * *

Flying to Warshaw and setting back on the road happened like they were in a dream. 

Kimi didn't want to leave his mother's side at least for another day, but they had to stop in Warshaw for Seb's Touareg and there was only one flight that suited to their schedule. So, they had to leave early much to Kimi's displeasure, but he kept it in and drove on as Sebastian sat beside him and watched him. 

The inside of the car was dark, but Kimi's side was illuminated by the moon and Sebastian was thinking as his eyes appreciated Kimi's profile under the soft white light. 

Kimi seemed serene and calm, but Seb could easily distinguish the well contained worry and misery of the other man. Kimi knew about his mother's worsening condition and was aware that this might have been the last time he had seen her cheerful in a semblance of good health. But he had acted bravely while he had been with her, done everything within his power to make her happy and had a hard time saying goodbye to her. 

Paula's words about how everything was going to be alright resounded in his ears and he wondered what Kimi was thinking about his own situation with his family. Since Carl had told Kimi about the deaths of his parents, how did Kimi react to it all? “I haven't seen my mother for nearly two years now.” He confessed out of the blue, drawing Kimi's shocked eyes upon himself.

Sebastian had a tight and pained expression, biting on his lip nervously. He wasn't looking at Kimi anymore, but Kimi could tell that he wanted to talk, so he listened.

Seb looked up at the stars as Kimi sped on the highway. “I just talk to them on the phone occasionally and honestly I can't remember when was the last time.” He grimaced at his own words, sighing deeply. 

“As time goes by even though my need to see them gets stronger each day, my shame for not keeping in touch with them gets bigger, too… Preventing me from taking a step… My fear of rejection eats at me, my resentment hurts enough to dig a hole in here.” He rubbed a hand at the left side of his chest, leaning his head back against his seat. 

“You were so desperate to get to your mother even through a storm, but here I am running away from them and trying to console myself with phone talks that hold no warmth or offer no comfort.” He smiled at his own situation derisively. “I miss them, Kimi… But I don't think they will ever want to see me again after what I caused.” 

Confused and troubled greatly by Sebastian's words, Kimi slowed down and pulled up on the side of the road, unable to drive as the younger man's pain distracted him. “Heppenheim is close to our route, Seb… If we are together, maybe you can find it in yourself to visit them and see for yourself if what you think is really true.” He offered, unsure about Sebastian's reaction but ready to go with him if he so desired.

Sebastian shook his head, reluctant, afraid. “I can't take their rejection.” He looked back at Kimi's eyes and when Kimi saw a tear drop fall from the corner of his eye, he quickly left the driver's seat and ran around the car to the passenger door. 

As soon as Kimi yanked the door open, Sebastian fell into Kimi's arms, making him stagger a few steps back into the cool night. “They’ll never forgive me… Never… Even if I lay the world under their feet, they'll never look at me the same way. She'll never pet my hair the same way, he'll never call me his little champ again…” Sebastian sobbed into Kimi's neck, crying like a little kid, hugging Kimi to himself with enough force to hurt him.

Kimi hugged him back, his heart breaking at the way Sebastian shook in his arms.

“I am sorry when you feel like this… I am adding to your troubles… I just… I was jealous, okay? Jealous of her love for you…” Sebastian was hiccuping, his words jumbled and loud, but Kimi could easily understand him as he, too, wept silently for the both of them. 

“It has been so long since she last caressed my face and told me that everything will be alright, Kimi. When your mom did that for me this morning, it just… It just broke something here, it hurts, Kimi… I am sorry… I am so sorry for being like this…”

Kimi sobbed silently, trying to collect himself enough to be a solace for Sebastian. “It's alright, beloved… It's okay...” He tightened his hold. “There's no  _ you or me _ anymore, is there? There is  _ us _ now and you can cry as much as you want…” He rocked him from side to side in a gentle motion, using the words Sebastian had told him to make him feel better. “No need to try to be strong with me, Seb... I'll be your strenght. I am here, I'll keep you together, I won't ever let you fall apart. So, cry until you feel better.” 

Hearing his own words being told back to him made Sebastian shudder at the beauty of it. “You remember…” He gasped against Kimi's neck, calming down a bit.

“Of course, Seb… These are precious words and I promise to remember them always.” Kimi vowed again.

“Me too.” Seb took a few shuddering breaths and sagged a bit in Kimi's hold. He took Kimi's scent in and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to forget, trying to lose himself in Kimi's hold. 

In the silence and the darkness that enveloped them, Kimi dried his own tears and looked up at the moon, wishing to just fall asleep in this man's arms and not wake up until the world would spin itself to a state where things would finally stop hurting and they'd be alright. Just like how his mother had promised it to be…

* * *

With Baku Grand Prix week now behind them, Spanish Grand Prix was within two weeks and so was Sebastian Vettel's debut as a test driver for Renault. 

The team was going over the latest version of their Barcelona testing plans and Fernando was among the people present in the meeting room as a shareholder, team advisor and brand ambassador. 

Their whole Wednesday was spent on planning the fine details and he was getting a headache. There was going to be a dinner for all the board members of the team in the evening, but he had the perfect excuse. He was going to meet Mark at his place. 

Renault was going to officially announce Sebastian's contract on this Sunday and they were expecting quite a bit of media coverage about the subject. But Fernando wanted things to get a bit fired up and see what would happen if a bit of gossip would get around.

He got to Mark's apartment around eight and brought in warm take outs from Mark's favorite place. Fernando was looking over Mark's article on his laptop as they ate.

“If I get a lawsuit for this, you'll pay for it, Fernando.” Mark sipped at his wine, watching the Spaniard.

“C'mon, this will be published under a pseudonym and your company already gave you the go… We’ll only incurr a bit of Vettel's wrath, that's all.” Fernando smirked.

“And I wonder whatever that wrath is worth for…” Mark played with the food on his plate before he took a large bite from his chicken breast. “This man will work for you. He'll be your asset. Why are you trying to get under his skin?”

Fernando liked the term.  _ Getting under his skin, huh? _ He thought, it fitted perfectly. “He is the team's driver, not mine and I don't have to like him, okay?” He shrugged. “I want to see how the shares will move at the gossip and believe me even if he sues the channel, people at Renault will be happy to pay the price as it will be like an ant compared to an elephant.”

Mark shook his head at him in exasperation, but it was mostly fake. 

“And don't worry. You really know how to write a gossip. All safe talk, hearsay… Anyone with a sharp nose could have smelled these from any source, actually. From someone living close to Enstone, from a factory worker after getting drunk in a pub, anyone working for the team, a personnel from the sponsors… Even if Vettel wants to find out the source, his lawyers will never be able to present a good case and they'll know it will be fruitless.”

Mark pointed his fork at Fernando a bit accusingly. “Then let's wait until the official announcement. It simply seems to me that you want to ruffle Vettel's feathers up, nothing more. You actually don't care about the shares, do you?”

Fernando turned his scandalized eyes at him. “Mark, I own that team's fifteen percent, okay? I don't want Aina to inherit a wreckage when she is of age. Of course, I want to see how much Vettel’s worth is in stock exchange. It is always better for all the parties involved if some gossip goes around and rises up the expectations and draws the eyes of the sponsors on us.” He defended and it sounded all too logical.

“But this sadistical glint in your eyes says another story.” Mark was not a fool. “Is there a personal vendetta between you guys that I am not aware of?” He narrowed his eyes down in suspicion.

Fernando wondered if left alone how long would it take for Mark to stumble upon and find out the information about with whom Sebastian was dating currently. Mark didn't like Sebastian, but if he knew it, he'd simply think that Fernando was doing this to get back at the German and might consider not getting involved. Of course, Mark knew that Fernando was using his connection with the media for personal gain, but Mark was also getting his share out of this arrangement, too. Yet, if personal matters would get involved, Fernando was sure that Mark wouldn't be so willing.

“I am just using him, okay?” He stabbed his fork on the meatballs before him, pushing the laptop away and focusing his attention back on Mark. “All the sponsorship this team is about to get because of him… Imagine it. I will stir the waters, hype up the people in any way that I can behind the curtains. Why wouldn't I?” He looked into the eyes of the other man. “Didn't you say I am a businessman now? Here, I am acting according to my interests. As simple as that…”

Mark took a long sip from his wine and sighed. His gut feeling had never betrayed him before and he could tell that Fernando had a hidden agenda. He knew the Spaniard like the back of his hand and had never been wrong about anything concerning him. He knew that he was going to find out what Fernando's scheme actually was sooner or later. “I like the driver you, not the businessman you.” He grumbled and ate the last bit of his dinner.

Fernando smiled at him charmingly and drank his wine in one go. “You better get used to seeing it more frequently, then.” He winked. “Things are getting fired up.”

Mark huffed at his words pointedly to show his displeasure even as Fernando continued grinning at him. He cleaned up his own plates and leaned his back against his kitchen counter with his arms crossed over his chest.

Fernando raised an eyebrow at him, realizing that Mark was waiting for something. “When are you going to post it?” He asked and Mark just nodded at the open screen of his laptop. 

“That's the final draft and logged in to the site. Click send. It'll be up around midnight after the editor looks it over.” 

Fernando stood up from his high stool and did just that with a very pleased smile that he couldn't hide. He turned around and saw Mark observing him with a set jaw, his eyes hard. 

Mark clearly wanted him gone, but Fernando had other ideas. He stalked towards the taller man and unabashedly got closer to him. 

Mark did not move as Fernando placed his hands on his hips and brought their groins together. He looked down at the Spaniard, feeling him already half hard under his jeans.

Fernando had a sleazy grin on his face, his brown eyes warm and inviting. “Are you playing hard to get again, Mark?” He tipped his head back, daring Mark to stop frowning down at him and just kiss him. He slowly moved against the taller male, his hands caressing Mark's flanks and hips. He could see the resolve slowly cracking in Mark's brown eyes as he, too, began to harden and his arms slowly fell to his either side, but still not touching him.

“You only come to me when you need me for something or want to have a good time.” Mark pointed out. “What are we even?” He hissed at the friction and leaned a bit back, but Fernando followed him, undaunted.

“I had the impression that you were alright with this?” He breathed against Mark's neck, one hand going to his chest to unbutton his shirt.

Mark bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from shuddering as Fernando began kissing him there, his hands grabbing at the edge of the kitchen counter to stop himself from holding the other man. “No, Fernando… I am not alright with this.” He whispered, his voice hoarse. But even that didn't stop Fernando's rhythmic movement against him, bringing them into full hardness.

“I want you, you want me… What's more there's to it?” Fernando asked, his voice a bit condescending.

That gave Mark the power to push Fernando away. “Love…” He looked back at the completely bewildered eyes of the other man. “And I see you are not in it.” He sighed, hiding his heart break under irritation.

Fernando hadn't been expecting to hear this. He ached with the need to have the other man and what he felt for him was different from his other trysts. He really liked Mark's company, trusted him with his life, liked having sex with him, liked spending time with him. But this was different from how he felt for Kimi. It didn't have the same passion, the same consuming need to own the other man. But it was enough, because no one could compare to Kimi.

“I like you already, you know that…” He told Mark as if he had just realized it. “Probably, we are not on the same page about this yet, but I can try?” He made it into a question.

Mark considered him long and hard, silently asking himself if giving a chance to this frivolous man was just an invitation to a new brand of heartbreak for him or if things might progress from here on until they'd really be on the same page as Fernando had put it. “If you treat this like your one night stands, I'll kill you Fernando.” He promised with no real threat, but he knew that if the other man would betray the trust he'd put into him, he'd pay dearly.

Fernando grinned in a disarming way, coming closer again and tugging Mark down from his shirt collar. “You can kill me right down on the bed now.” He whispered against his lips before hungrily kissing him.

Mark easily melted into the kiss, giving the reins in Fernando's hands and let the other man walk him to the bedroom. 

He just hoped that he wouldn't regret his decision.

_ TBC... _

 


	19. With Or Without You

Kimi was so tired that all he wanted was to find a flat surface and sleep into the next century. His work load at school had doubled because he had missed four days and he had been doing his utmost best to make up for the lost lesson hours and the extra courses that he had already been giving.

He was barely eating and truth be told he wasn’t feeling hungry most of the time. His emotional state was not so well, either, but doing his job perfectly was more important than anything.

Kimi knew that Aina was worried for his health, too, but at least she wasn’t suspecting of anything about her grandmother’s condition. Maybe that was the sole positive thing in this whole situation along with the prospect of seeing Sebastian tonight.

The younger man had called him on Tuesday, telling him to be ready for the Wednesday evening because he wanted to take him to dinner and then to the loft to talk about something.

Kimi had no idea what the subject could be, his mind unable to come up with anything other than Sebastian wanting to talk about his familial situation with him. He guessed that it was going to be a loaded night, because even though Carl seemed to have his talk with his uncle before, Seb still seemed to be in doubt and pain about things. Maybe not anymore about his relationship with Carl, but certainly about his broken ties with his parents…

Kimi waited around for Sebastian in the teacher’s room alone, watching the evening light disappear from the campus garden slowly. When Sebastian knocked on the door and came in, he was immediately on his feet and going for the other man’s arms as if pulled in by a magnet.

Sebastian smiled softly as soon as Kimi wrapped his arms around him, his fresh smell enveloping him as he took in a deep breath.

Kimi’s hug was needy, but gentle, and he nuzzled his face into the crook of Sebastian’s neck, sighing deeply and sagging against him a bit.

“Long day, dearest?” Sebastian whispered and Kimi nodded. He bit on his lip in regret at the answer, because Kimi would never hug him for this long while they were at school, especially in the teachers’ room. He had to be really exhausted and mentally weary. How was he going to open the subject of his decision to race again to the Finn when he looked this drained?

Kimi finally stepped back and smiled at Sebastian softly. “So hungry…” He confessed, helping the younger man forget about his qualms for the time being.

“Will feed you well…” Sebastian smiled back and leaned in for a kiss and Kimi just let him, pliant under his touch, parting his lips for him sweetly.

It was so hard to resist Kimi when he was like this, but Sebastian leaned back after a taste and tugged at Kimi’s hand, disorienting him a bit. “No one seems to be around, but I don’t want to get you into trouble. Let’s go, dearest.” He took Kimi’s bag and coat for him and together they left the campus.

The dinner was perfect. Sebastian had taken him to a secluded place where they huddled into a corner away from the prying eyes and ate their meal in peace. They even fed each other jokingly, enjoying the relaxing atmosphere, their legs and knees touching, their hands always finding the other’s.

Seb promised Kimi a good coffee, so they left the restaurant immediately for the loft.

They were close to the house when Kimi’s phone alerted him to a message and he took it out to see that Lewis had sent him a link.

_‘Mate, I don’t know if you were aware of this or not, but I thought you’d want to see it. The sports forums are on fire.’_

Kimi frowned at the screen as Sebastian pulled up into the garage. He tapped on the link and one of the most famous motorsports sites opened to a gossip column. The title of the article made him forget how to breathe.

_Is Vettel Returning Back to Where He Belongs?_

Kimi's eyes swept over the article as dread and cold sweat crawled up his spine like a huge spider. He frantically read bits and pieces of it, scrolling through the gossip down to the comments section of the site and then back onto the article again. 

His hands were shaking and he only realized that they had stopped and Seb had gotten out when the younger man opened the door for him and leaned in with a worried look on his face.

“Kimi, are you okay?” Seb could see that Kimi was reading something on his phone with his expression going alarmingly shocked and angry. 

Kimi glanced back at the younger man and got out of the car quickly, forgetting all his fatigue and the good mood of the dinner. He passed Sebastian by to the stairs and rushed up into the house, still unable to believe what he had read.

Gripped with worry, Sebastian ran after Kimi, fearful. “Kimi, wait… What is happening? Why are you like this?” 

Kimi kicked his shoes off and got into the living room, throwing his coat on a chair and took a few deep breaths. He went over the article again and tried to keep his calm and wits about himself. He could see Sebastian tentatively approaching him, worried and afraid, but he stepped back, raising a hand to stop him from coming closer.

“Talk, please say something…” Sebastian begged, thrown completely out of the loop and bewildered as he watched Kimi read something and step away from him.

When Kimi finally looked up at him, his eyes were so cold that Sebastian had never seen anything like this ever. Kimi's glare was pained but also prideful and defiant, making Sebastian stagger on his two feet as if the Finn's eyes had a repellant force in their frozen depths. 

“Did you not see me worthy enough to talk about your plans, Sebastian?” His own voice sounded foreign in Kimi's ears. It was broken, betrayed, fearful; in a complete contrast to the glacial look he had on. 

Sebastian gazed back at him in incomprehension, his eyes guileless and wet with desperation. “I don't… I don't know what you are talking about, Kimi…” He tried to come closer, his hands trembling.

Kimi practically threw his phone at him and Sebastian caught it with disbelief and hurt. “Read that!” He hissed and watched the change of emotions on the younger man's features.

Sebastian couldn't believe what he was reading. This was too accurate to be just a hearsay… His heart leaped up to his throat and his blood curled in his veins. His chance to break the news of his testing contract to Kimi himself had effectively been taken from his hands and in all honesty, he didn't know what to say to the Finn other than looking up at him with dread filled eyes.

“I waited for you to open up to me about this for months and in return I get slapped across my face by a gossip article for my good intentions? Were you even planning to tell me about this?” Kimi took in a shaky breath, his sight blurring with tears. 

Sebastian bit on his lower lip hard enough to draw blood, his chest heaving with his panicked breathing. “Kimi, I was going to… I swear I was going to! I really was!” He raised his voice as if that could help him prove his point, but Kimi still regarded him as if he was looking at the biggest let down of his life.

Kimi rubbed his hands over his face and sighed deeply at the warring emotions inside his heart. “When? In Barcelona?” Disappointment and fear quickly took over the anger and he fell a step back when Sebastian tried to come closer.

“Tonight…” Sebastian swallowed harshly at the way Kimi tried to maintain the distance between them, the intensity of his panic choking him as he began blabbering like he couldn't get in enough air. 

“In fact, last week… I was going to tell you last week! But I couldn't… Your mom was ill, you were already troubled. I couldn't add on top of that! But I swear I didn't want you to learn it this way! Just because of this god damned reason I made them sign a contract of confidentiality! I was going to explain this to you myself! I am so sorry you had to learn it this way. Kimi, please let me come closer.”

“No…” Kimi shook his head, not ready to deal with his own reaction and emotions let alone Sebastian's. He took another step away and furiously wiped at his eyes to dry the collecting tears before they'd fall. “You didn't even ask me…” He murmured. “You knew Carl had told me about his parents, about his situation with you, but you never told me anything even then… How long were you planning to ignore it? Knowing what I feel about this…”

“That's the reason I couldn't talk to you!” Sebastian protested, his voice high again. “Do you know for how long I have been agonizing over this? How much I feared of your reaction, how much sleep I lost on this?”

Kimi began laughing at that, but it sounded hollow and no better than sobbing. “Liar!” He accused, his face going sharp and pained again. “You were in China then, right? Two weeks ago… You lied to me and went Shanghai…” He ran his hands through his hair at the way Sebastian's eyes widened and then his face paled further in guilt.

“You… You lied to me…” Kimi couldn't believe it, couldn't believe he had forced Sebastian into this situation. “I made you lie to me…” At the bitter realization, his hand went to his chest, rubbing at his side and he took in a rasping breath as his mind connected the dots. “Were you in Bahrain, too?” He asked and Sebastian could only shake his head, now crying.

“Ah, but you were in the winter testing, right?” Kimi nodded to himself, a tear drop fell on his cheek, making Sebastian whine pitifully at their situation because Kimi had stepped back again even though Sebastian tried to close the distance between them.

“You disappeared for more than a week… You didn't even tell it to Carl…” His anger resurfacing again, Kimi actually sobbed at the silence of the younger man. “What the fuck were you thinking? Were you getting back at me and trying to get yourself killed classily? Do you have a death wish, Sebastian?!” He yelled at the other man and saw him flinch, his eyes averted and his shoulders sagged. 

Seeing him like this, Kimi gave up, all the fight sucked out of him, all his energy got drained. He began trembling because of the coldness of the house and the burnt adrenaline. “This just seems like you have signed up for a million dollar worth of a coffin rather than for driving a race car…” He visibly shuddered at the horrible idea and more tears fell when Sebastian did not deny it and hung his head in deep guilt and shame.

He felt quesy and even taking deep breaths did not help as sickness rose in him. He pushed past Sebastian in a flurry of motion and went into the bathroom. His stomach was unable to take anymore stress and he heaved a few times before he threw up his dinner. 

It took him several long minutes before he could face Sebastian again, but in all honesty he neither had the energy nor the will to talk some sense into the younger man anymore. His vision was blurry and all he wanted was to just lay down for a bit.

He went to the bedroom and fell onto his side of the bed in a boneless heap. He knew Sebastian was hovering around, but the younger man didn't dare to touch him. 

“Kimi… Kimi, please… Don't do this to me...” Sebastian came closer to the side of the bed and fell on his knees at the edge of it. His voice was shaky, but with an edge of betrayal, of ire that Kimi thought Seb had no right to have.

He opened his eyes and met Sebastian's gaze, finding it focused, solemn and dark. He knew what it meant. Sebastian was going to do this. Kimi had always known that the younger man was not someone who asked for permission or felt apologetic for the things he wanted. _Just like Fernando…_ A poisonous voice whispered inside his mind, but this was different. Dammit, this was the man he loved with everything he had and Kimi wasn't so sure about what that man was about to do with his hard earned second chance at life.

Sebastian reached a hand to him as if to touch his face and he closed his eyes in expectation, but the other man had to have taken it as a rejection and the touch never came. He heard sobbing, but his consciousness quickly slipped away before he could say or do something about it.

* * *

There was music… As if coming from the deepest part of his subconscious, unintelligible, but persistent. How long his brain tried to make him believe that it was part of his troubled dream, Kimi didn't know, but the music slowly overcame both his fatigue and sleep, waking him up into a completely dark room.

Kimi felt horrible, disoriented and extremely unhappy. Tears collected in his eyes as soon as he opened them and he looked around, letting them fall from the corner of his eyes.

Sebastian wasn't there with him. In fact, it looked like he had never touched his side of the bed, but Kimi guessed that he was still in the house. 

He got up, headache pounding in his temples, making him groan. “Sebastian?” He called out for the younger man, but nothing answered him other than the rock ballad playing downstairs. The volume was not high, but it was audible even from here. Sebastian had to be in the garage.

Kimi rubbed a hand at his face, considering the situation. He wanted to sleep, he really had no energy, his mind and heart were too vulnerable right now, but he knew that Sebastian was most probably feeling that way, too. The younger man needed him, but Kimi wasn't going to give him what he wanted, not this time, no… Sebastian wasn't going to make him feel alright about his decision, because it seemed very much to be based on all the wrong things he could ever come up with. This, Kimi couldn't relent to. This, he couldn't let happen.

He breathed deeply a few times to steady himself and got up from the bed. God, it was so cold. Due to their argument, they had not thought of neither turning on the heating, nor setting the lights on low. Apparently, Sebastian had also not given a damn and left it like that, thus causing the whole house seem too lonely and unlived in.

Kimi took the soft blanket from the bed and draped it around himself, shivering as he slowly made his way down the stairs. 

The garage was dark, too. Maybe darker than the upper floor, save for the multi colored lights of the jukebox. Kimi walked around it and called out for Sebastian again, but there was no answer. He checked the cars. They were all there. The younger man hopefully had not been depressed enough to leave the house for the woods in the middle of the night, right? 

Fear and worry gripped Kimi and he decided to make his way upstairs to find his phone and call the other man, but when he turned back to the stairs, he saw a soft orange light coming through behind a wall. 

Kimi ventured there. There was a wall partition right behind the stairs which the numerous cupboards and cardboard boxes were crowding, and thus, making it impossible to figure out that there could actually be more room there behind the little corner the wall hid. 

Kimi turned that corner and saw that there was a door a few meters away, well hidden and ajar. “Sebastian?” He called again, gooseflesh covering his skin, because he heard something move in there, but nothing answered him again. 

Worry forgotten and anger flaring at the needless hide and seek game the younger man was playing with him, Kimi quickly went into the room only to be stopped by what he found in there.

This was a glass room, two sides of it was sharing a wall with the house but the other two sides and the ceiling were of glass and steel. It was like being outside, surrounded by the forest and the sky, yet also gave a feeling of entrapment as no sound or wind could reach him here. But more bizarre than that was the rows and rows of trophies and helmets that covered the solid wall side of the room on numerous shelves. Some of them were even on the floor, thrown haphazardly on the plush carpet. Framed and unframed photos, letters in envelopes, flags, stuffed animals and other trinkets that the fans loved giving to their idols were all over in the room.

 _So, this is the place where all his career as a driver had been shoved into…_ Kimi thought. As if it meant nothing, as if throwing them away into this place where nobody but only he could see them would solve the problem...

Fascinated and also saddened greatly at the treatment that these memories got, Kimi walked in slowly and looked around, trying to take everything in only to jump out of his skin upon the sound of the door closing and the key turning in the lock.

Sebastian was standing there behind the door, looking back at him with hard eyes, his eyebrows set into a deep frown and his lips pressed together in an unhappy line.

Kimi could only stare at him with wide eyes, feeling small and helpless under the intense gaze of the other man. His heart was hammering in his chest and his breathing was shallow. 

“So, you have finally found my trophy room…” Sebastian observed Kimi, taking a few sure steps towards him, making Kimi instinctively take a few steps back. Even though he seemed to not care for how Kimi walked backwards towards the glass wall, his eyes got that haunted look at the continued refusal of his touch by the other male.

There was a large settee in the middle, a small coffee table with a few fake tealight candles illuminating his side of the room in a soft orange glow. Sebastian sauntered there and sprawled on the settee like a big black cat.

Kimi could see quite a few beer bottles on the floor, some empty, some full, and realized that the overly confident countenance of the younger man had something to do with alcohol. “Are you drunk?” He asked, narrowing his eyes down at him, gradually gaining his ire back.

Sebastian shook his head, leaning to his side to take an half empty bottle from the floor. “Not yet… But I am working towards it.” And he gulped down what was left in it in one go. 

“Open that door, Sebastian.” Kimi calmly tried to persuade the other man, but Seb shook his head again, leaning his back to the high armrest of the settee and watching Kimi.

“We are here until you let me come closer to you.” 

Kimi's eyes widened at the ludicrous condition that Sebastian had set. He huffed in disbelief and frowned at him angrily. 

Apparently, in Sebastian's mind, Kimi letting Seb touch him equated to resigning himself to Sebastian's decision. But that wasn't going to happen. “Are you for real?” He snapped. “Is this the way you solve a problem? Forcing me to accept your point of view?” 

Sebastian fisted a handful of his black t-shirt right over his heart as if the thin material of it was hurting him physically. He took a deep breath, his eyes dark and bleary with pain. “I don't know what else to do…” He lamented, biting on his lip and looking back at Kimi pleadingly for him to understand him.

Kimi felt his own chest hurt at the tormented look the younger man was giving him, his grip on his anger loosening with the need to get to Sebastian's side and comfort him. But he persisted. He was known for his stubbornness and he had every right to be stubborn and hurt here, not Sebastian. 

He walked back until he was in the part of the room illuminated by the moon, close to the forest, away from the younger man. He hugged the light blue blanket over himself tighter as the moonlight washed over him, turning his hair platinium and coloring his skin pale in a fragile way. Yet he was anything but that, keeping his ground like an ice fortress.

He sat there carefully, among pictures and thrown away trinkets, white and light in a complete and ironical contrast to Sebastian's dark clothes and dark thoughts. 

He looked defiant and distant, his eyes sharp and judging. “Right from the beginning, you never feared getting into that car, did you?” He tilted his head back, sincerely hoping that Sebastian wasn't actually suicidal, that he wasn't actually trying to punish himself for the loss of his sister and brother-in-law.

The longing in his heart swelling to the point of choking him, Seb shook his head, sighing and hurting like he had never hurt before. He wanted Kimi to touch him even if it only was his hand or his face. He just needed to feel that loving hand on his person to ground himself and keep his sanity intact. Staying put was like a torment, knowing what to say without hurting Kimi was impossible.

“You don't fear death…” Kimi murmured as if to himself, observing him from his lower ground as the younger man sat above in the darkness. “You never did…”

Sebastian ran a hand through his hair and nodded, his expression tight with a deep frown. “Yes, I never did, Kimi.” He agreed. “And neither did Sophia, Niki, nor Jules or Senna…” He narrowed his eyes and held the icy glare of the other man, seeing the flash of pain in his eyes at the mentioned names. 

“Nobody could find their limits if they'd feared death. We can't drive that car at 320 km per hour if we fear to be unable to take the next turn at the last possible moment with the highest speed we can bring it up to.” He took a deep breath and rubbed a hand at his beard furiously. “Don’t tell me you dedicated your whole life to that fucker without knowing this, or were you really jealous of him going forward while you were forced to stay behind?”

Kimi's breathing quaked in his chest at the accusation, his blood running cold in his veins. For a moment, he could only look at Sebastian with wide eyes, unable come up with anything to say or do other than wanting to disappear from this room.

 _He is drunk…_ He reasoned to calm himself down. _He doesn't mean it, he doesn't know he is hurting me…_ He told himself, swallowing tightly and feeling light headed, but also terribly on the verge of tears.

He gave the words some serious thought, trying to face them head on and not run away. “You are so cruel with me..." He covered himself more with the blanket, his knuckles going white. 

“I wish… I wish I could just walk out of that door and leave you to your own shitty little plans, without giving a damn if you kill yourself at whichever turn of whatever circuit you'd like. I wish I could just punch that perfect teeth of yours in for insinuating that I was jealous first of Fernando and now of you…” 

His tears were falling again, but he was also laughing. “You bastard… You utter moron... How stupid are you to not see that I am not against of you racing, of you pursuing your dream, of reclaiming your glory!” He wiped at his eyes, trying to stop crying, trying to make himself believe that this wasn't worth his tears, that Sebastian had just set out to break his heart... But he couldn't do it. 

“I am afraid of you doing this with that twisted reasoning of yours!” He gritted his teeth, not even having the enough energy to yell at the other man. “With your need to punish yourself, trying to pay blood with blood… Can't you see nobody wants payment! Nobody wants to hear you plead with your rescuers to let you sleep! To let you die in that fucking car again, you egoistical bastard!” 

Drawing his legs to his body, Kimi buried his head into his arms and tried to get back some of his control, breathing deeply to reorient himself until he felt he could look up at the cause of all his woes and heartaches again. But as soon as he raised his head, he saw Sebastian right before him, on his knees with tears falling from his eyes, one hand outstretched for him.

He frowned at him defiantly again and tilted his head back in challenge. “Don't you fucking dare to touch me, Sebastian Vettel.” He growled lowly and the other man actually listened to him, withdrew his hand and sat back before him in defeat.

Seb watched Kimi drag himself to the glass wall and lean his back to it, his head tudding against it as those beautiful eyes regarded him with cold accusation. He couldn't move from his spot, Kimi's rejection suffocating him as if it was a vice like grip upon his throat. He hugged his legs and sat there, painfully aware of the line that Kimi had forbidden him from crossing. Kimi was sitting in the light of the moon and here he was in the dark shadows like a sunken sun.

“Remember me telling you no matter what happens, no matter where we are or what becomes of us, I love you and only you, Kimi?” He asked with a hoarse voice, his blood shot eyes wet and apologetic. He took a glance at Kimi and saw him listening to him, his expression the same and pale and so worldweary that Sebastian hated himself for making him feel this way when Kimi had already been physically and mentally exhausted and emotionally vulnerable.

“It will never change, Kimi… Until the day I die…” He whispered.

His last word made Kimi thud his head against the glass again, his eyes averted to a side of the room. 

Sebastian couldn't tear his eyes away from the other man, his gaze fixed upon Kimi's every reaction as if his life depended on it. “I hate seeing you like this… I hate being the cause of those tears… I… I can't believe how much I have come to love you, how much you began to mean to me…” He was breathing rapidly, his voice shaky. “At this point, I honestly don't know if I can live when you look at me with those scornful eyes, not letting me near you, not touching me… I don't know if I can survive this night if you deny me yourself this way… Don't be like this, Kimi… Don't hurt me like this…” He practically pleaded with the other man, but Kimi shook his head stubbornly, wrenching a devastated sob from Sebastian's throat.

“What do you actually care, huh?” Kimi looked up at the sky and saw the pretty moon hanging above them, some bright stars visible around it in the inky darkness. “I knew you were eventually going back to racing. I got into this relationship knowing this, expecting this… But I also took a huge leap of faith in you. I trusted you to reform your mind set, reinvent yourself, not start this again from where you have left it at.” He turned his eyes back at the younger man, his gaze distant and icy. 

“Where have you left it at, really? In that mangled car or on that hospital bed? Have you actually considered this from the side of your loved ones? What are you going to race for, Sebastian? What is this inescapable urge that for the sake of it you want me to close my eyes and trust you?” 

His questions gradually changed something in Sebastian's gaze. There was pain and regret there, yes, but now there was something dangerous, something edgy and decisive, too. Seeing that, Kimi slowly stood up, because Sebastian had made a move towards him.

He took a few steps to the left, only to be caught by the younger man in a flash and backed against the glass wall until his body met its cold surface. He didn't resist Sebastian, because the other man was holding onto the blanket and not touching him. He just looked at him daringly, trying not to get swept away by the intense desire that swirled in the other man's gaze.

Sebastian held onto the edges of the blanket as tight as he could. “I preferred to die…” He confessed, looking straight into Kimi's eyes unflinchingly. “I feared of being stuck with a disability more than anything I have ever feared of, yes. So, I used my every ounce of will and strenght to get well enough to choose my own death.” 

Kimi's eyes clouded with hurt again, but he averted them, turning his head to the side and unwittingly baring his neck to Sebastian.

Kimi was wearing a white T-shirt with a large neckline, leaving his collarbones and neck exposed and vulnerable and Seb couldn't help leaning in, stopping himself just before he actually could nuzzle at the pale skin there. He frowned at the way Kimi shut his eyes and drew his shoulders in as if in fear of Seb's touch. So, he fell a bit back to honor Kimi's wish for him to not touch him.

“I used to think of death, yes…” He accepted, his tone thoughtful and pensive. “Even I wasn't aware of it until my therapist helped me to face it. I hated myself more than anything for the deaths I believed I caused. For that, I just wanted to disappear from the sight of my family.” He took a deep breath and then sighed against Kimi's skin, making Kimi gasp softly and then bite on his lower lip as if to silence himself. Seeing it sent such a thrill down Sebastian's spine that he couldn't help but whine softly at the intensity of it.

He took another deep breath to collect himself. “I thought my desire to race, my hunger for victory was useless, destructive, hurting others… But I burn inside so strongly that I can't help it... I can't sit still, I can't wait for the old age to catch up with me…” 

He leaned in again, unable to resist Kimi's pull, his hands trembling with the effort to just maintain his hold on the blanket and not actually touch the silent man. “I thought I could go over my limit, that I would win and prove everyone that I was worth something. The torment I went through and the pain I have inflicted upon others was worth something even if it was as small as a win, a championship… That I wasn't insignificant, my dream wasn't toxic, that it wasn't all in vain… I'd either prove that or I'd die trying...” 

His lips were so close to Kimi's neck that he saw how gooseflesh spread on his skin and how Kimi visibly shivered. “I can't deny I still think this way, but except for the last bit, Kimi… I no longer look for absolution on a race track or in that car, I can no longer say that I don't care what happens to me on the way… It's impossible, because I began to care, because now I look for glory, for fulfillment, for victory.” 

Kimi was taking small breaths, his chest heaving, his heart hurting his rib cage. He wanted to believe Sebastian so much. He _needed_ to believe him, because thinking of the other possibility made him want to claw his heart out to make it stop hurting. He turned his head back to him and the younger man followed his motion, coming eye to eye with him.

“Will you change?” He whispered, the other man's lips were so close that they were sharing one breath, his lips tingling, his eyes smarting again at the excruciating proximity. 

“I am changing, I am being reborn, I am reinventing myself, Kimi…” Sebastian swallowed, his eyes falling to the parted lips of the other man and then catching his bright blue gaze again. “After I met you, after you changed my world… I can never imagine parting from you.” He stepped closer and slowly wrapped his arms around Kimi over the blanket and getting courage from him staying pliant, he leaned in and brought their foreheads together. 

The simple touch made Kimi shudder and breathe shakily. “If you ever get into that car with an aim other than doing your best and winning, I swear I will never forgive you Sebastian, I will never…” He sagged into the younger man's embrace, resting his head against his and let him hold up most of his weight as he was completely exhausted. “You hurt me so much tonight…”

“I know… I know, dearest, I know…” Sebastian tightened his hold and took in a deep and easy breath for the first time in hours. “I am sorry, I am so sorry for making you go through this. And I am forever grateful for having you, because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Kimi.” His arms were shaking with the relief he felt and he began nuzzling the side of his face to Kimi's head. He took in Kimi's scent in every breath and felt him slowly relax and open up. 

“Kimi…” Sebastian sighed, his voice close to Kimi's ear, his lips grazing the shell of it as he repeated the name again and again. “Kimi, I won't betray your trust, I promise you. I will never upset you over this again, never make you fear, never leave you in doubt. Please, trust me… Please, take a leap of faith in me again… I know I am asking of you a lot…”

“You are asking me of everything…” Kimi's reply was rueful. He shivered under Sebastian's lips when he started planting feather light kisses on the side of his face, his neck and jaw, just small touches, neither enough nor sating, but able to ignite a fire in him.

“You should by now have learned that I am greedy, that I want it all…” Sebastian leaned a bit back and looked into Kimi's eyes. He began slowly walking back, tugging Kimi with him until their feet touched the plush carpet. “And I want you… I want everything you can give to me and then some more. This is beyond even greed, I am insatiable when it comes to you.” He tipped Kimi's head up from his chin and inclined his head a bit to the side as if he was going in for a kiss, but he didn't close that small gap between them, leaving the choice to Kimi again even though he was literally burning to touch him and taste him. 

Kimi was dead beat and about to faint on the spot, but the raw hunger in Sebastian's dark eyes and the sincere passion in his words made him feel hot all over, putting colour upon his cheeks. He knew why Sebastian wasn't making the last move. He knew that Seb wanted him to take the first step in their love making as a seal on his promise and a symbol of Kimi placing his trust in him.

He stopped clutching the blanket to himself and with trembling hands, he reached for the beloved face before him. When he cradled the younger man's face in his hands, Sebastian closed his eyes for a second and nuzzled his cheek into his palm, his frown still in place, his eyes smoldering when he gazed back at him. 

Kimi leaned in and brought their lips together, his mouth open, his eyes closed. His kiss was so sensual that even though it was just a press of skin against skin, Sebastian groaned at the pleasure that spiked in him as Kimi placed his lips on every corner of his mouth gently and sighed softly at the peace finally settling into his heart. 

Sebastian slowly pulled Kimi down and kneeled on the floor, helping Kimi lie on the soft carpet. He leaned on one hand to balance himself above Kimi, pushing aside the light colored blanket as Kimi looked up at him, one of his hands reaching out for his face again.

Seb took it in his own and kissed the palm of it reverently, sitting practically on Kimi without giving his weight on him. He ran his finger tips on the side of Kimi's neck slowly, making him turn his head aside as if to provide him with more skin to tease and Sebastian gritted his teeth at the beautiful surrender of the other man, desire sizzling its way down to his groin.

He pressed Kimi's hand besides his head, intertwining their fingers and with his free hand he caught the neckline of the white shirt and tugged at it, the small buttons on it coming undone, revealing more skin. He lowered himself on him, hand going under the shirt, but he caressed Kimi's side only with his finger tips, maddeningly gentle, making Kimi shiver. He leaned into Kimi enough to make him feel his body heat, but he just hovered above him as Kimi squirmed for more contact.

The need to feel Sebastian's touch was so overwhelming that Kimi tried to pull the younger man down on him with his free hand, but Sebastian was stronger than him now and apparently he wanted the control. “Please…” He whispered, his whole body tingling in anticipation and need. “Just touch me, please…” He knew that the younger man was doing this deliberately to make him taste his own medicine, but this was different, this was too much.

Sebastian never knew that he had a thing for Kimi begging him, his hoarse voice and the sight of his tightly shut eyes getting him hard embarrassingly quickly. Hunger churning inside, he didn't deny Kimi any longer and captured his lips and grinded his hips down. 

Kimi involuntarily arched upto Sebastian, opening his mouth for him and gasped at the sensation of a hand grabbing at his hip firmly to keep him down as Sebastian moved over him slowly, but powerfully. His breathing was so shallow that every time Sebastian fell a bit back to lick at his mouth or nip at his lips, Kimi gasped and whined, the sounds he was making arousing Seb more than anything he could ever have done.

Wanting to make Kimi forget about everything other than the pleasure he was giving him, Seb fell completely back and undid the button of Kimi's jeans. He tugged the coarse material down, making Kimi hiss and buck up at his roughness. 

Seb took off the jeans and the boxers completely and Kimi shivered at the contrast of cold air and the warm hands on his skin when the younger man pushed his shirt up enough for him to mouth at his stomach and navel. Sebastian palmed at his cock with one hand as he sucked and nipped a prominent hickey on his skin, close to his right hip bone, tearing a choked sound from his lips at the pleasurable pain.

Seb continued stroking Kimi for a few times more before he took out the bottle of lube from his back pocket and poured some of it on Kimi's groin, making him flinch at the unexpected coldness of the liquid. He quickly smeared his fingers in it and before Kimi could say anything, he took him in his mouth and sucked on him hard enough to make Kimi buck up to him with a cry. 

"Seb?" Shocked by the sudden intense pleasure, Kimi's body shuddered when Sebastian's slick finger entered him. “Seb! Seb, slowly… Oh, god… You planned this… I can't believe you planned this…” He realized that the younger man had known that things would escalate to this and had come prepared.

“I told you we'd be here until you'd let me near you, didn't I?” Sebastian told him as he licked at him, his tongue flicking against the head of Kimi's cock a few times before he took all of him into his mouth again. 

Kimi was sobbing into his hand now, unable to handle the sweet vibrations when Seb began humming around his cock. His back arched at the stretch of his entrance when Sebastian added another finger and coaxed him open languidly. “Seb, I am close… Don't…” He tried to stop the younger man, his fingers tangling in the blond curls gently.

Sebastian added another finger and revelled at the quaking breath Kimi took. “Come then, dearest…” He urged, but Kimi shook his head. 

“No, not like this…”

That made Sebastian stop teasing him and climb back over his body again even as his fingers continued stretching Kimi. He surveyed his work appreciatively, loving the flush of Kimi's skin, the heaving chest and the dazed look in his eyes. Moonlight was pouring over them both now, but Sebastian believed that it existed only for Kimi, because the other man looked unearthly.

“You are beautiful.” He whispered adoringly, but Kimi shook his head.

“Says the real breathtaking one...” Kimi reached for him again with a smile, putting his hands under Sebastian's black tee, caressing his back, sides and wherever he could reach.

Seb helped him out by getting rid of his tee in one fluid motion and Kimi's hands immediately went for his nipples, teasing him and making him chuckle at the pleasurable ticklish feeling.

“I don't know what I did to deserve you.” He leaned in and nosed against Kimi's neck, licking at the vulnerable skin there. With one hand, he tugged the neckline of Kimi's shirt down his shoulder and he massaged at the hardened nipple he found there until it softened between his fingers into a hyper sensitive nub. With his other hand, he directed Kimi's hands to the front of his own jeans. 

Kimi undid the big button to the best of his ability while he was being kissed senseless. When he peeled the jeans and the boxers back over Sebastian's bottom and his hands splayed over the firm buttocks of the younger man, Seb hissed against his mouth. He gently freed the younger man’s cock and gave it a few long tugs, smearing the precome over the head of it. And in retaliation to his teasing, Sebastian forced his head back to deepen their kiss hungrily.

Kimi couldn't help but moan at the rough treatment, his head swimming in arousal. Thankfully, Seb broke their kiss before it overwhelmed him and leaned back to tear open a condom while he was pointedly looking into Kimi's eyes.

Kimi watched him roll it onto himself and then relaxed back to his makeshift bed of carpet and blanket when Sebastian parted his legs and lifted his bottom on to his lap. He closed his eyes at the renewed sensation of being stretched again, Sebastian's girth tensing him up and his breath hitched. His back arched sensually under Seb's hold and his stomach stretched, making Sebastian bite on his lip at the sight to keep himself from hastily entering him, because his reaction was so sexy and he was completely unaware of it.

When Seb finally entered Kimi and Kimi slung an arm over his face, his breath ragged and his body trembling, Sebastian moved without meaning to before Kimi could adjust to him.

Kimi flinched as his back arched again and couldn't close his hand over his mouth fast enough to muffle the drawn out and shaky _"Ahhh!"_ that was a heady mixture of pain and pleasure. He looked back at Sebastian with wide eyes, suddenly feeling self conscious of his own body's reaction.

Completely blown away by that sound and look, Sebastian’s frown deepened and he bit on his lip as if he was trying to stop himself from doing something, but he succumbed to his urge and murmured an apology under his breath for Kimi before hauling him up from the floor and placing him on his lap in one swift motion.

Completely disoriented, Kimi found himself on his knees in a flash, his legs spread on either side of Sebastian's hips. He realized that he'd made that embarrassing sound again when what the younger man had done caused him to take Sebastian's cock in impossibly deep, enough to knock his breath out of him. 

He wasn't used to this, he had not gotten into this position many times in the past, because it went too deep and made him come too quickly even though he should be mostly in control. He felt his flush deepen when he could finally open his eyes and saw how Sebastian was looking at him. 

The younger man's eyes were blown into near blackness and he was giving him that smoldering look again as if his whole world was narrowed down to Kimi. “Did it hurt?” Seb asked and then brought their lips together once. He massaged a hand over his lower abdomen and to Kimi's mortification, he realized that Seb could feel his own cock inside him over his abdomen if he pressed his hand hard enough.

“Don't do that… Seb, don't…” He grabbed onto that hand, but his hold and protests were all half hearted.

“Why, dearest? This is but just one of the ways how deeply we are connected, how deep is our intimacy." Sebastian smiled up at him lovingly. "Just an example of how much we let each other in… Nothing to be shy, nothing to feel embarrassed about.” Seb gently coaxed another kiss out of him and took his hands away only to place them under Kimi's buttocks. “Let's move together.” He urged and Kimi complied, lifting himself up as best as he could while Sebastian moved his hips to meet him half way.

Already worn out and drained, Kimi let himself get washed away by the pleasure, not resisting it, not trying to delay it. And it was impossible either way, because Sebastian was rubbing against every sensitive spot, licking at his nipples and kissing his neck to heighten the sensations.

“Close…” Kimi cradled the younger man's face in his hands and tipped Seb's head back before he slowly began kissing him again, their up and down movement bringing their lips closer only for them to part again.

Sebastian felt the moment Kimi came, the wonderful tightening and the rhytmic clenching around his cock bringing him closer, too. He kept on moving for a few seconds more, Kimi's kisses and caresses undoing the knot in his loins sweetly.

When the pleasure subsided and his fatigue settled in enough to render him unable keep his position, Kimi sagged in Sebastian's arms and let himself be lowered back to the floor.

With utmost care, Seb got out of Kimi and reached over for a pillow from the settee to put it under the sleepy man's head. 

Kimi let Seb practically manhandle him into a proper sleeping position, because he neither had the energy, nor the patience to get back up into their bedroom, not even on top of the settee even though Sebastian had offered to carry him.

“Just cover me with your body and I am set…” He slurred, making Seb giggle at him.

Sebastian disappeared from the room for a while, during which Kimi felt a bit vengeful because of the cold, but he returned with a big and fluffy blanket and some sweat pants. He cleaned Kimi up, helped him into the pants and corrected his tee before he hugged him to his chest and covered him with the other blanket.

Kimi practically wrapped himself around the younger man and cruelly pushed his cold hands and feet against his warm skin, giggling at the way Seb flinched at the icy treatment. 

“You have no mercy, do you?” Seb complained, but all the more rubbed his hands on the shoulders and the back of him to help Kimi stop trembling.

“Neither you do…” Kimi mumbled, half asleep in Sebastian's comfortable warmth and sweet scent. “Tiring me out like this… How will I… how… teach… -morrow…” His voice trailed off and Seb did not say anything, waiting for Kimi's breathing to even out.

He continued caressing Kimi's arms and shoulders, massaging his nape and the back of his neck, unable to stop himself from touching him. 

The scare he'd gotten tonight, the fear of never being able to touch Kimi and see love and happiness in his eyes again had been so real and cold that he could never take it again. He could never risk it, never make Kimi question the trust he placed in him. 

He knew he had taken a lot from Kimi tonight and as it stood, it seemed like he'd offered nothing in return. But it wasn't true and Kimi was aware of it and that was why he had let himself get swept away by Sebastian's passion. Because, Sebastian had promised him his life, promised him a future with happiness and fulfillment. Wasn't this just like a marriage vow? 

Sebastian bit on his lip at the idea, his chest swelling with emotion. He looked up at the dark sky above them to distract himself from his collecting tears, marvelling at his own willingness to belong to Kimi when in fact the idea of marriage had been evoking nothing but aversion in him half a year ago.

He wanted to be this man's and he wanted him to be his. Forever… The need was so strong that it was compelling him to do things he'd never known that he was capable of doing. And knowing that the feeling was mutual was the best compensation that he could ever hope to get for enduring the pain of his accident both mentally and physically. 

He was never going to let this slip by him, he was never going to miss out on Kimi's love. Not for anything…

Not everyone was lucky to get another chance at life and he was going to make them happy this time.

He swore that on the moon.

_TBC…_


	20. Come Undone

Aina scrolled through her sports site news feed with mixed feelings. She wanted to be happy for Sebastian, but when her father had this pensive look about him, she couldn’t gush about how she was so excited to witness the beginning of the German’s new career.

Kimi did not appear to be sad, per se, he looked too calm. But he also appeared to be subdued as if he had made a decision and was simply waiting to see how everything was going to unfold. Aina knew that Kimi and Seb had talked about Sebastian’s decision to begin his formula one career anew, but she wasn’t so sure if the outcome of their talk was positive or negative.

“I chose to place my trust in him.” Kimi was picking at his meal, apparently not having a good appetite.

Him and Aina were having their dinner in the kitchen. Aina’s tablet was on the table in between them and they could both see the sites she was scrolling through.

Aina pursed her lips at his bowed head and locked the screen of the tablet. She reached out, took Kimi’s plate before him and then put a new serving of pasta with meatballs for him. She drizzled hot sauce over it and placed the plate back.

“We don’t play with our food. Eat it all, dad.” She looked up at her father’s bewildered eyes and berated Kimi with a motherly tone.

Kimi’s expression slowly broke into a nice smile at Aina’s bossy attitude. “Yes, Ma’am.” He nodded and began eating in earnest.

Aina watched him finish his food dutifully and then stood up and kissed him on the cheek. “That was your reward for being a good boy.” She commended him cheekily and that finally made Kimi laugh.

As Aina cleaned up the table, Kimi followed his daughter around with soft and adoring eyes. She really had the power to drive away any clouds and brighten up his day. Feeling a lot better now, he stood up to help her out, too. “Thank you, Aina.” He placed a kiss on the crown of her head, making her giggle.

“Anytime, dad…”

Together, they did the house chores as they talked.

“Do you know the details of his contract?” Aina was washing the dishes and Kimi was refrigerating the leftover food.

He shook his head. “I have no idea… At that time I neither had the patience nor the energy to listen to him.”

Aina bit on her lip at his confession. “Did you have a fight?” She asked tentatively.

Kimi snorted at the memory of yesterday.  _ And what a fight… _ He was smiling, but it was a painful one. He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. He stood in front of the open fridge and looked into it unseeingly, unaware of Aina’s worried eyes on him.

“Yes, we had a fight… But eventually he tried to assure me that he’ll start everything from scratch, not from where he had left it at. He says he’ll be reborn and he’ll race to win, not to find absolution.” He shut the fridge door when it began to beep and leaned back to the counter. “And I believed in him.”

Aina could see that he still had his qualms. “Dad, it is okay to have doubts… It’s normal to feel worried and I am sure Sebastian is aware of it. He won’t betray your trust…” She tried to assure him and Kimi turned to her with a soft smile.

“Yes…” He nodded. “He won’t betray it.” If there was one thing that Kimi was sure about all this mess, then that was the fact that Sebastian had never betrayed him up until this moment and Kimi had this intrinsic trust in him to keep his promise.

Aina smiled, too. “That’s the spirit.” Then she remembered something. “If only I could tell him that now we are both working for the same team, but I can’t…” She laughed. “I can’t wait for the day I will be able to gush about it to him.”

And then there was also that… Kimi schooled his face into a neutral expression, but this was another thing bothering him. What kind of a coincidence was this? Or was it really a coincidence at all for Aina to get the fifteen percent of the team that Sebastian happened to sign a contract with? He didn’t know how the two things connected or if they even connected at all, but it nagged at him at the back of his head. He couldn’t deny that.

“I want to watch him drive.”

He came to himself with Aina’s wistful words and brushed his concerns aside for the time being. “In summer, maybe we can go to Silverstone?” He offered and that put a big smile on her face. Her joy calmed him down.

Maybe watching Sebastian drive would help ease his worries, too.

* * *

Renault made its official statement on Saturday, announcing that Sebastian was going to join them next week on Wednesday in Barcelona. The amount of social media attention on the news was phenomenal but Seb didn’t care. Kimi was coming to the loft in the afternoon and all he wanted was to see the other man again after Kimi refused to meet him since that Wednesday night.

He was nervously tinkering in the kitchen, preparing their dinner beforehand just to have something to do while he waited for the Finn.

His nervousness peaked when he heard the garage door open and then the sound of Kimi parking his car reached his ears. He rushed to finish his work and put the cured meat and the veggies into the oven.

Kimi came up to the kitchen just as Sebastian was drying his hands on a towel, having already cleaned up the counter. He didn’t approach the younger man immediately, even though Seb looked back at him with a deep longing in his eyes, yet stayed put in hesitation, as if to leave the decision to approach him to Kimi again.

Secretly grateful for how Sebastian would always leave the choice to him in matters concerning their intimacy and relationship, Kimi resisted smirking at the younger man’s disappointment when he stood besides the kitchen door and asked a question out of the blue. “Where do you store your cleaning supplies?”

The way bewilderment and incomprehension spread on Sebastian’s features was a comical and cute sight, but Kimi stopped himself right before he’d smile.

“In… in the garage… Why?”

“Since you seem to have already prepared our dinner, we can give our full attention to cleaning up.” Kimi turned around and reached back to the stairs, knowing that Sebastian was going to follow him down without a doubt.

And Seb actually did. He went down the garage, trailing after Kimi like a lost puppy, trying to understand the other man’s intention.

“We need a mop, vacuum cleaner, two buckets, and lots of dusting cloths.” Kimi declared. “Bring them to the trophy room.” He turned to the corner hidden behind the stairs and disappeared into the said room.

Sebastian stalled at the order, his chest tightening at the realization of what Kimi was about to make him do. He took a deep breath and looked around the garage unseeingly for a few moments.

He was aware that Kimi was doing this to make him face his past and step into his future with a surer foot and the thought made him feel warm inside, soothing his frayed nerves. Though Kimi seemed to be in one of his bossy moods, Seb couldn’t deny that he liked being bossed around by the Finn and if this was going to make Kimi happy, too, why not just simply enjoy it?

“Seb, I am waiting!” Kimi called out from the back room and Sebastian snickered at his situation.

“Coming right away, dearest!” He called back and when he heard Kimi’s muffled laugh, he relaxed completely. If Kimi wanted to order him around, who was Sebastian to deny him the control? They were going to be alright.

While waiting for the younger man to fetch the things he’d wanted, Kimi began with picking up the things that littered the floor. There were too many pictures, but most of them were either damaged too badly or faded under the continuous glare of the sun the glass room got because Sebastian seemed to never have bothered to pull down the blinds in the room. He stacked them all according to their sizes and then began collecting the fan letters and the small trinkets. They really needed to sort these out into some storage boxes, because there were too many.

Just then, Sebastian entered the room with some of the cleaning supplies that he had asked for and without stopping, Kimi told him to polish the trophies and the helmets lined on the shelves.

“We’ll finish this before dinner time, so you better work fast, Seb.” Kimi urged the younger man and went out to get some of the storage boxes that he saw in the garage.

Sebastian could only look on after Kimi’s retreating back and then at the polishing liquid and dusting cloth in his hands. He sighed, his gaze going back to his trophies. 

There were quite a lot of them, as an evidence of his talent and hard work, mostly made of metal, crafted into beautiful forms. And some of them were even made out of crystal glass, intricate and fragile.

He reached up to the first one standing at the upper most shelf and instantly a smile blossomed on his face. The cold weight of the trophy, the prominent depressions on the metal work were too beautiful to not appreciate up close. He recalled the moment he got it, the way he’d placed a kiss on it was if it had been the most precious thing on earth for him. And maybe it really had been then, until he got his hands on his next one. Nostalgia washing over him, he began to clean the trophy up gently, rubbing the polishing liquid on it lovingly.

Kimi was already back in the room, but Sebastian wasn’t even aware of him, it seemed. He stood aside and watched the German clean up the trophy like a father would care for his new born. It was an endearing sight, but it also made Kimi think about his own fallen apart dreams and Fernando’s claim that he was jealous of him for being able to pursue his career when Kimi couldn’t. The thought filled his eyes with frustrated tears and a lump logged itself in Kimi’s throat when he remembered that even Sebastian had told him the same thing that night.

Of course, Sebastian’s words hurt more than Fernando’s, but in all honesty, Kimi had nothing to counter the claim with, because his feelings of bitterness and betrayal no longer mattered. It served him no good other than hurting him time after time again whenever he thought about it. So, he brushed it aside and placed the photos and the letters into different boxes, stacking them on the corner of the room. Then, he looked through the other boxes that were already lined against the wall on the door side. A few of them prominently stood out among the rest, because they had been labeled as Renault and Arai. Kimi didn’t open them, knowing well that they had to be containing Sebastian’s team livery and helmet. He just reorganized them before he rolled the carpet up and mopped the floor, leaving Sebastian to his own thoughts.

Sebastian cleaned up the trophies one by one with utmost care, literally taking a trip down the memory lane as he did so. He put them all back into their place reverently, ordering them into their years and the races. He was vaguely aware of Kimi cleaning up the floor and then vacuuming the carpet, but he knew that Kimi was doing all that to give him that sense of companionship as he went through the memories of his whole career, not alone, but with the constant presence of his anchor right behind him. He couldn’t thank the other man enough for the opportunity that he had created.

When he had finished going through most of the shelves, he turned around and found Kimi sitting on the settee, simply watching him with his head leaning on his hand. He had cleaned up the whole room and was resting now. His calm and peaceful expression wasn’t betraying much, but Sebastian found his observant eyes exciting for some reason. He felt himself on display just like his shiny trophies and flashy helmet designs, but in a good way that he couldn’t explain. Feeling shy all of a sudden under the scrutiny of the other man, he bit on his lip and averted his eyes a bit.

“Umm… A little help here?” He asked meekly, not that he actually required help, but because he was in need of something to say.

Kimi tilted his head back a bit challengingly and made a show of crossing a leg over the other, watching the younger man with a little smile tugging at his lips. “I prefer watching.” He shot down Sebastian’s question without thinking. “But I’d like to be given a demonstration.”

Sebastian’s eyebrows rose in question. “A demonstration of what?”

Kimi pointed a nonchalant hand towards the entrance. “Those yellow and black boxes contain your overalls and stuff, right? I want to see you in them.” He told him offhandedly as if he was talking about the weather.

Sebastian’s lips parted at the demand as a thrill ran down his spine, making him shiver pleasantly. “I… Now?” He squeaked, embarrassment filling him at the sound of his own voice.

Kimi shook his head, relaxed and in complete control of the situation. “No, you’ll finish those two helmets and three trophies you haven’t cleaned yet.” He explained slowly, enjoying every second of seeing how Sebastian swallowed and his eyes went wide, looking back at him in amounting desire.

“Then… What will happen?” Sebastian couldn’t help but ask, loving the turn of events maybe a little too much.

Kimi kept his composure even though he simply wanted to kiss the younger man senseless, because goddamn it, Sebastian was too cute and endearing when he was anticipating any form of intimacy between them. But he had to wait, Kimi wanted to add another good memory to this trophy room, one Sebastian would cherish and feel thrilled in remembrance every time he’d enter here in the future.

“I told you… You’ll make a demonstration for me, Sebby.” He reclined back more comfortably and nodded at the remaining items waiting to be cleaned, urging Seb to get on with them.

Sebastian was utterly embarrassed at his body’s eager reaction at the implication behind Kimi’s words and his aloof attitude. Those ice blue eyes betrayed nothing other than slight amusement and that drove Sebastian crazy. Kimi really had mastered the art of maintaining a poker face.

“Come on, champion. You wouldn't want me to lose interest, would you now?” Kimi pointed at Sebastian’s unfinished work again and Seb could only shake his head at him vehemently before he sat down on the floor and got on with his cleaning, obeying a little too enthusiastically. And by chance, the trophy in Seb’s hand was formed in the shape of a vase, long and thin in an elegant way.

Kimi deviously smiled at the idea forming in his head and he hid it with his hand in a completely natural and even sexy way. “That’s a winner’s trophy for Austin, right?”

Sebastian nodded absentmindedly. “Yes…” 

“Polish that in the way you want me to rub at your cock, Seb.” Kimi ordered and took immense delight at the comically widening, scandalized eyes and the dropping mouth of the other male. 

Sebastian exhaled sharply in disbelief at the demand, one hand going for his mouth in shock as if he found the demand absurd, but then when he saw how serious Kimi was, he blinked a few times at the trophy in his hands and swallowed audibly.

“Go on, Seb… Show me how you want me to touch you.” Kimi goaded the younger man on, his own cock twitching when he saw how Sebastian’s eyes got clouded with lust at his words.

Seb slowly rubbed the polishing liquid over the length of the metal, absolutely mortified but maddeningly turned on at the way how Kimi had used the white liquid and the long form of the trophy as an allusion to his desire. 

He was getting hard quickly and his heart was thudding wildly in his chest as he tried to put on a show for Kimi, too. He bit on his lower lip when he flicked his wrist to a sharp and long tug from the base of the metal frame up to the top of the vase. 

He chanced a glance at the Finn and to his amazement Kimi looked the same to him, only with his eyes now narrowed down and quite intent in their undivided attention on him. He couldn’t hold that gaze much, wondering where all this smoldering lust had come from so suddenly.

He turned back to his task, trying to actually mimic how he liked to be stroked, unconsciously licking and biting at his lips. He finished with it and then cleaned up another one and when he looked back at Kimi a little pleadingly for being permitted to leave the rest for another time, Kimi openly smirked at him.

“Want a change of clothes?” Kimi’s voice was sure and sweet in a teasing way. When Sebastian nodded with hope, his eyes softened at him. “Okay, then… You’ll wear the shoes and even put the helmet on for me.” 

Playing around aside, Kimi really wanted to see Sebastian in his full gear since he wasn’t going to be able to follow him to the Barcelona Grand Prix, and not even to Monaco… He wanted to admire the German like that as much as possible.

Sebastian got up and went for the boxes, taking the one containing his overalls and shoes and fireproofs, and the sachet with his helmet in it. He went out into the garage without being told, changing into the racing suit as quickly as possible, forgoing his fireproofs, because for god’s sake, he was already in flames… They weren’t going to help him now. 

He laced up his yellow and black boots with unsteady hands and wore a balaclava before he put on his helmet. He even wore his gloves and checked himself out on the mirror in the far end of the cupboard set. He stalled at the sight, even enough to forget his arousal.

He had worn a racing overall and a helmet in his Barcelona testing, too, but this was different. This wasn’t nondescript and lacking identity like the one he had used during the testing. These overalls and the helmet all had his name on them; his flag, his personal touch on them. They bore the number he had chosen for himself and he loved his own reflection in this get up for the first time in a long while. 

“Don’t admire yourself on the mirror too much! It might get to your head!” Kimi raised his voice to be heard from the inside, perfectly guessing what Sebastian had actually been doing. 

White hot pleasure travelled down to Seb’s groin at the reprimand even though he was aware that Kimi was more amused than irritated. He rushed back to the glass room, not wanting Kimi to lose interest.

Kimi’s eyes got glued on him the moment he entered the room. He was lucky to have his helmet on to hide his hotly flushing cheeks, because Kimi was practically undressing him with his assessing gaze.

Kimi gestured around Seb’s crotch area in a completely disinterested way. “Seems a little tighter around here…” He raised an eyebrow at the ever growing bulge there, making Seb shuffle a bit on his feet, head bowed. “But black really suits you, Seb.” He commended, because really, Sebastian looked drop dead gorgeous like this.

Kimi's comment snapped Seb’s head up at him, their eyes meeting. He swallowed and found his courage to ask. “What would you like me to do?”

Kimi snorted before grinning. “So eager to please…” He nodded in approval and made Sebastian internally groan at their play. His overalls were uncomfortably too tight now. 

“Come, stand before me. As I told you, I want a demonstration. So, you can begin with taking off some things for me.” Kimi suggested. 

This time Sebastian groaned openly, but obeyed the demand. He took off his gloves first, and then went for his helmet. Putting those pieces on the floor, he tugged off his balaclava, mussing up his hair in a becoming way. When his hands hesitantly went for the zip of his overalls, Kimi stood up and stepped in front of him.

“I’ll do that for you.” He took the small zip and without taking his eyes away from Sebastian’s blown pupils, he slowly undid it until the bottom part of it. The zip went right down to the crotch area and Kimi all but brushed his knuckles over Sebastian’s fully hard cock over the material of his boxers.

Seb flinched and sighed at his touch, managing to keep his hands to himself as he stood still under Kimi’s scrutiny. 

“Hmm… How irresponsible…” Kimi berated again, peeling away the lapels of the suit to reveal that Seb wore it over his naked skin. “Where are your firepoorfs, champion?” He made a show of shaking his head as his finger tips gently ran over the smooth sun kissed skin. 

Sebastian’s nipples hardened instantly at the touch and he closed his eyes, whispering a curse under his breath when Kimi leaned in and placed an open mouthed wet kiss on his neck. 

Sebastian’s hands immediately went up to hold onto him, but Kimi stopped. “You won’t touch me.” He took a step back and saw how Seb’s eyes quickly turned worried and needy. “But you can make all the sounds you want. No need to hold back.” Kimi set the rules and leaned in again, this time kissing Seb on the lips, the younger man quickly losing himself in their contact.

Kimi pushed the shoulders of the racing suit aside a bit, enough to create some room for him to caress Sebastian’s skin and tease his nipples. He palmed at the younger man’s chest and sides, pushing his hands inside the suit and caressing his back. Those hands slowly made their way down to Sebastian’s buttocks, grabbing at them firmly and squeezing them.

Sebastian was exercising inhuman effort to not use his hands as he was getting kissed out of his mind and his ass got fondled in a bit of a rough way. “Kimi… Kimi… you are… you are killing me here…” He was murmuring at every possible second that Kimi stopped nipping or licking at his lips. His head was swimming and his knees were trembling with his amounting need. 

Kimi acted as if he didn't care about what Sebastian was going through while he tried to stay put, but the way the younger man shivered and swayed on his feet gave him a heady feeling of accomplishment, too. His lips made their way to Seb's neck and he didn't hesitate sucking a bruise right on his collarbone, making the younger man shudder and whine sweetly right beside his ear.

He didn't stop. Going even lower, he began licking at a hard nipple, sucking and rolling it on his tongue until it softened under his attention. The other nipple got the same treatment, making Sebastian buck at its almost painful sensitivity.

He trailed kisses on Sebastian's stomach before he fell on his knees and looked up at him from his position on the floor.

Sebastian was about to lose his mind at the sight of Kimi on his knees before him, because he had been under the impression that he was going to be the one pleasuring the Finn, not the other way around. Yet even then, it was apparent that Kimi was the one controlling this as he began mouthing at his cock over his thin underwear and and looking up at him as if he was not about to blow Seb's mind away, but just about to take a stroll outside.

Seb involuntarily thrusted his hips forward and Kimi stopped the motion with his firm grip on them. That would have normally frustrated him, but he couldn't help but find the power of the Finn over him as the most sexy thing. “Please, let me feel you… Please, do something…” He began pleading in between his gasps and Kimi didn't deny him. He took his cock out of the boxers and gave the underside of it a few long and firm licks from the base to the tip before he took it all in.

Sebastian's knees buckled at the long anticipated sensation, his hand flying to his mouth to keep his moan in, but that immediately made Kimi stop again.

With wide eyes Seb looked down only to find Kimi frowning up at him, lips glistening and eyes sharp.

“I will hear everything.” Kimi demanded and Sebastian readily relented to him, nodding. 

“Yes… Whatever you want… Just please continue, Kimi, please…”

Kimi didn't need to be told twice. He began licking at the base of Seb's cock, one hand playing with his sack gently and the other holding him still from his hip. He took Sebastian in his mouth again and bobbed his head up and down for a while, alternating between a fast pace and a slow languid one during which he swirled and rubbed his tongue over the head of it, creating an excruciatingly sweet pressure. 

Sebastian was being taken apart. It really felt like so as Kimi scratched at his sack gently and twirled his rapidly drawing up balls between his fingers. His own whines and gasps were embarrassingly loud and he knew he was honest to god pleading with Kimi by now, but he couldn't care less. He was no longer able to stand still.

Taking mercy upon Seb’s situation, Kimi leaned away and gave him a moment’s respite. He looked up at the panting man and licked at his lips, loving the taste lingering on them. He wasn't aware but, Kimi was also half out of his mind with arousal, but he didn't show it.

“Been a good boy…” He commended, catching his breath. “Go, sit there and spread your legs, Sebby.” 

Sebastian did as he was told and got amazed at himself for being able to walk straight. He sat and obediently spread his legs for Kimi, the other man quickly putting a knee between his legs on the settee and pushing him back to it from his shoulders. 

Kimi kissed Sebastian with an open mouth, tipping his chin up to him by grabbing at the top of his head, pulling at the curls there gently, but prominently enough to show him who was in charge. 

Sebastian's hand went for his own cock, but Kimi slapped that hand away, too, and it went straight to Seb's groin, making his cock twich a few times.

Kimi was practically invading and claiming Seb's mouth with his tongue, swallowing all his moans as he massaged a nipple again. When he leaned back, Sebastian reached out for him, but he stopped himself in the last second.

“Kimi… Kimi, let me touch you… Let me…” Seb whispered and Kimi made a show of considering as he fell back down on his knees and placed a kiss on the tip of Seb's cock. He nodded his head before he took Seb whole and began humming around him.

Sebastian couldn't help but buck again even though he didn't want to make Kimi uncomfortable. Kimi made a small choking sound at that, but went on, this time sucking as he hummed. But it quickly proved to be impossible to not want to thrust into that mouth in abandon when Kimi looked up at him again with a devilish glint in his eyes. 

“Hold me down… Can't stay still…” Seb was gasping at the way he hit the back of Kimi's throat everytime, one of his hands caressing Kimi's hair so gently that it was clear he feared gagging and hurting him. 

Kimi complied, because he wasn't sure if he could take it, either. He held Sebastian’s hips down by swinging an arm over them and when he felt Seb getting close, he stopped.

Sebastian's eyes snapped open. “What? Why?” He sobbed at his delayed gratification. “Kimi, please… Don't… Don't stop, please…” He begged in desperate whines, his trembling fingers running over Kimi's flushed cheeks and hair. His back was getting off of the settee in need of contact, but the other man was holding him down effectively as per his request.

Kimi was firmly squeezing the base of Sebastian's cock, aware that if he'd do this too long it was going to hurt. But now, he knew that it only pleasured the younger man further as Seb beautifully writhed on the settee, his legs trembling, his stomach stretched under Kimi's restraint. 

“You want me to continue?” He asked a bit cruelly, watching Sebastian regard him with half mast eyes, wet and not completely focused. Seb could only nod at him, having worried his lower lip into a deep red color, plump and delicious. Kimi wanted to kiss it better, but he had other things to do. 

He reached into his back pocket and took out a really small device. He went down on Seb again and when the younger man closed his eyes in bliss, he turned on the little thing and pressed it at the base of Seb's cock. 

It was a bullet vibrator and its effect on Sebastian was spectacular as the younger man's eyes flew open and his hands grabbed at Kimi's hair and hand in shock, but Kimi didn't take it away, because he could see that Seb was simply overwhelmed with pleasure and was not trying to actually stop him.

“So merciless…” Seb was wailing now at the delicious sensation of the vibrations and the powerful sucktion on his cock. But Kimi stopped everytime he was close to his climax. “So cruel, Kimi…” He was aware that Kimi was edging him, building the pleasure upto an unbearable peak, but not letting him topple over it, and it was the sweetest torture.

Kimi was rubbing the smooth device on the underside of Sebastian's cock, using it at wherever he couldn't lick or suck, but in a way just enough to prevent Sebastian from reaching his orgasm. 

Sebastian was strung as tight as a bow now, his back arching, his coherent thought taken from him… He could just watch and plead with Kimi helplessly as he brought him to the edge and let him hang in there many times, his breath quaking in his chest, because he no longer knew how to deal with the molten pleasure that was claiming every inch of him.

When Kimi felt that this was becoming too much for the younger man, he took him in his mouth again and this time didn't stop until Sebastian climaxed with a subdued wet scream. It was the sexiest thing Kimi had ever heard.

Seb saw white at the force of his orgasm, his whole body spasming as his tensed up muscles finally found the outlet to relax. He felt thankful that Kimi took the vibrating bullet away from his now hyper sensitive skin, because his pleasure had bordered on painful in an unbearable way like he had never experienced before. His vision swam, so he closed his eyes and he slowly went lax on the couch tiredly.

Kimi wiped at his lips and gently rearranged Sebastian's clothes before he stood up on shaky legs. He looked at Sebastian's utterly debauched and unraveled state and felt himself twich at the sight of him again. 

Seb's body was draped on the settee, his head lolled back, exposing his long throat in that vulnerable way Kimi loved. The hickey was decorating his collarbone and his chest was still flushed, heaving. His nipples were hard again and a few drops of his come was on his groin, glistening. 

Sebastian was a vision and Kimi couldn't resist climbing back on him, putting one knee between Seb's legs and the other on his side, straddling him.

He leaned in and placed a kiss on that plump lower lip, emotion welling up inside of him when Sebastian kissed back sweetly and put his hands on his hips. He watched those long eyelashes flutter open and the wonderful blue eyes meet his, still dazed in pleasure.

“What was this?” Seb asked with a dreamy smile.

Kimi smiled down at him, caressing Seb's cheeks and kissing him chastely. “Creating a beautiful memory for this room and for your new beginning…” He explained. 

That cleared the fog in Seb's gaze and he straightened up a bit, his eyes filled with awe. “For my new beginning…” He repeated, his hands going under Kimi's tee, touching his bare skin reverently.

Kimi nodded, his smile widening. “For you to remember what awaits you here… A new opportunity to create new memories… All of them as beautiful as you are.”

Sebastian shook his head. “No… You are the beautiful one in this relationship…” He protested over Kimi's words and silenced him. “You are my light, my constant, unchanging light. Always there, always pure and steadfast in every situation… Giving me the courage and the push just when I really need them…” He praised, tears falling from the edge of his eyes.

Kimi quickly dried them, blinking away his own. His chest hurt at Sebastian's words and adoring eyes. “Will you be safe, Seb?” He asked in a whisper, his voice choking in his throat. 

Sebastian's expression turned into that solemn focused look that always enthralled Kimi. “You remember telling me that anything can happen to either of us anytime, right?" He reminded Kimi his words from the day of their karting accident. "That we can't shut ourselves in and run away from the world and call it a life... I can't help with the things I have no control over, Kimi, but I promise you that I am not going to seek out danger or try anything foolish. Never…” He assured, hoping that it would be enough to appease the Finn, if not completely drive away his fears.

Kimi sighed and nodded at him, kissing him fully this time with an edge of desperation. Sebastian answered in kind and for a few moments they just shared drawn out kisses and caresses, enjoying the peaceful evening sun that was setting over them and dyeing the room into an orange glow.

After a while, Seb's hands fell on Kimi's jeans button, but Kimi shook his head, knowing what the younger man wanted to do. “There is no need…” He averted his eyes.

“Why?” Seb asked tentatively and couldn't help but smile as he bit on his lip at Kimi's embarrassed answer.

“I came, too, when you screamed as you climaxed.”

“Oh, wow…” Seb was impressed. “Without even touching yourself, huh?” He marvelled at the thought, a smirk spreading on his lips. “I wonder if I can come without you touching me, too…” He challenged, an eyebrow rising sleazily.

Kimi tried to look bossy again, but it was difficult now that their whole tension was resolved. “We can give it a try tonight?” He offered and couldn't help but laugh at the eager nod he received from Sebastian. “You like sex a lot, huh?” He asked offhandedly, but sobered up when Sebastian answered him seriously.

“What I like a lot is making love with you, Kimi.”

Kimi regarded that smoldering expression for a few seconds before he huffed at his own racing heart and this wonderful man he got. “I love you so much, Sebby.” He kissed Sebastian's forehead, his eyes soft and full of love.

Seb smiled up at him in return and answered in kind. “And I love you, too, dearest."

* * *

As the new sensation in the paddock, Sebastian was called in to Barcelona earlier than most of the team and the regular drivers. He was at the airport on Wednesday morning, and was just in time to be the first VIP in the team's newly constructed motorhome.

Understandably, he had too much media work to do and too many responsibilities to be accomplished for the next eight days here. But he wasn't daunted about it at all. In fact, he had never felt this ready to undertake a task. 

His positivity, his pure energy and encouraging smile quickly wrapped the whole team around his finger effortlessly. His natural charm set everyone at ease and he quickly integrated himself into the team seamlessly as if he had always been there, as if they had known each other for ages. 

The whole Wednesday went by in the paddock area and in the team motorhome as he got acclimated to the team and observed how everyone worked. 

He got into a meeting with the team directors, and the driver engineers about their testing schedule. And then the media work began in the evening.

Even though he’d decided to take no legal action against it, in all honesty, Sebastian still felt vindictive about that gossip article which nearly had costed him Kimi's trust and love. Though he was sure that the top brass of the team would never dare to breach a contract of confidentiality, he was sure that someone used the knowledge to make some monetary profit off of the shares and garner visibility for the team in the media as a form of free advertisement. And what an advertisement it had been… 

The reporters were falling over each other to ask questions and Sebastian answered them all with an easy smile, completely relaxed and in control of the situation. He was well aware that people doubted him and questioned the team's decision to hire someone who had been away from the tracks for three years, but the team principal shrugged off their questions by saying that Sebastian had been the unnamed test driver during their winter testing and he had passed all the necessary tests and examinations to be eligible to return. 

The way the team principal looked so confident and sure about their choice helped staving off most of the naysayers and Sebastian vowed to shut them up completely on Friday free practice.

Thursday was not much different either. Catching up with old acquaintances, meeting new people and doing sponsor work were all good. But what he loved the most was the fanforum that he attended. The people's reception of him had such an honest warmth that Sebastian couldn't have asked for more. The media and sponsor work continued, too, but Sebastian felt maybe even more energetic than before, capturing everyone's undivided attention and eventually adoration.

That evening the cars came into the garages and Sebastian was over the moon with happiness. He knew that it might be considered as unprofessional of him, but he didn't do anything to suppress his excitement and delight upon the sight of the serpentine beauty of the cars.

He wasn't aware that his childhish enthusiasm was indeed much appreciated as Sebastian stayed well into the night with the mechanics until the time the garages had to be locked. 

Friday was Sebastian’s rebirth. 

The weather was nice, the sun was warm and his side of the garage was as giddy with excitement as he was. He was going to attend the second practice session and they aimed to get in as many laps as the time limit permitted. 

He watched and listened to how his race engineer worked with his main driver, how they practiced pit stops and mock race start ups. But he wasn't going to do any of those since he wasn't going to race. His job was to test the new front and rear wings and some side fins that the team had brought here. If they'd find their pace improved, the team was going to install them to the other car for the FP3, too. 

The mechanics did an amazing job of installing the new parts to the car that he was going to drive for the FP2 and he got into the cockpit, calmer than ever, sure of himself and eyes fully concentrated on his task.

When he was given the go, he went out of the garage and and followed the pitlane out on to the track, seeing his car on all of the big screens around with his peripheral vision. He was aware of the number of the audience that solely had come to watch him drive even though it was nothing but testing and he wanted to show them a steady rhythm and a smooth drive. And he did just that in a perfect way. 

He didn't know, but Fernando had arrived to the garage, too, right after he exited the pits and was watching him now while reading the telemetry data of his drive.

This race was Fernando's home race and though he was no longer a driver for the team, he was both a beloved media figure and the brand ambassador for the Renault. Him doing sponsor work or appearing at the garages occasionally was all ordinary sights for everyone in the paddock. But what people didn't know was the fact that he owned the fifteen percent of the team now and was also the driver advisor and consultant now, which was putting him in quite a powerful position in the team, but nobody was none the wiser to it. 

He actually didn't want Sebastian to see him around before his debut, that's why he had made a point of arriving at the paddock just before the FP2 began. He wasn't sure how much the German knew of what had been currently going on between him and Kimi, but if he had managed to know the Finn a bit, he was quite sure that Kimi had not talked about his love confession to the other male. There was only one way of learning the extent of Sebastian's knowledge of his recent scheming, so Fernando risked a meeting between them, because his next step relied on this.

When Sebastian returned the car back to the garage for the last time after the allotted time, he got out of the cockpit with a spring in his step as if he hadn't been driving around for ninety minutes but as if he had been having the time of his life. Mechanics and his race engineer patted him on the back, shook his hand and tapped on his helmet to congratulate him and he was ushered to the showers before the debriefing.

Now feeling as if he had been reborn, he felt refreshed, his mind clear and his whole world at peace, because before he came out of the motor home, he had checked on his phone and saw the pics that Aina had sent him during he'd been driving. 

They were of Carl and Kimi watching the free practice, sitting close to each other, their eyes glued on the TV in Kimi's living room. He didn't know how but Aina had managed to capture the moments that he had been shown on the broadcast and even though it was impossible to not see the worry and trepidation on Kimi's and Carl's faces, the look of admiration and excitement were also a treat to see. The last pic included half of her face, too, caught in an impish smile with a caption under it. 

_ 'Don't worry, champion. Your boys are in good hands. Just set a few good laps to shut everyone up!’ _

God, he really had to do something big to show her his gratitude. She was his number one enabler and she deserved the world. 

Still smiling at the thought of those pictures, he walked to the meeting room, only to be stopped by the last man he ever wanted to see on one of his best days.

Fernando Alonso approached him with an unreadable expression on his face, wearing the team t-shirt and cap and holding out his hand for a hand shake.

Feeling his blood begin to boil at the sight, Sebastian simply wanted to tell the man to fuck off and slap that hand away for all the things he had made Kimi go through in the past, but he remembered Kimi telling him that he didn't want the Spaniard to learn about their relationship yet. 

Sebastian resisted the urge to appease his own ego by showing the Spaniard how much he hated him, simply because he couldn't risk hurting Kimi. So, he shook the offered hand half heartedly. 

“Nice job, Sebastian.” Fernando praised, because really, it had been a nice job.

Sebastian nodded with the most neutral look he could muster. “Thank you… Watched everything?” He asked, just to appear normal.

“Yes… Was a delight… I sometimes drop by if I am close and watch the sessions or the race.” Fernando explained, though he was aware that Sebastian knew he was the brand ambassador and hung around the Grand Prix weekends quite often. “And since this is close to my hometown…” He trailed off, shrugging. 

Of course, Sebastian was aware, but he also wanted to learn how far Fernando's involvement went in the team. “Will you be at the meeting?” He pointed to the room at the back of the team motorhome. “I am going there and if you're, too…” He turned his body towards that direction as if he tried to urge Fernando to walk with him, but the Spaniard shook his head.

“No, that's not part of my job.” Fernando lied easily, cleverly catching the reason of the German's question. “See you around, yes?” He offered his hand again and Sebastian shook it as if he was touching to a stone, completely emotionless.

Fernando watched the younger man disappear into the room and stood there for a while. He wondered if anyone from the press had managed to catch their small encounter and he really hoped so. One more thing to agitate Kimi... And speaking of the Finn… Now Fernando was sure that Kimi had only talked about their past and had probably told Sebastian that he wanted them to be a secret. 

Judging by the cold, distant but professional approach of the German, Fernando could tell that Kimi had not told the younger man about his love confession and him wanting to get back together with the Finn. If Sebastian had known, Fernando was sure that the German would have been at his throat by now, professionalism be damned.

He chuckled and headed to the hospitality area, now completely at ease about his plans. 

Kimi was hiding things from Sebastian. He had to be thinking that he could deal with Fernando on his own. Fernando had known that his prideful ex would always try to solve his problems by himself and this suited his plans just perfectly.

He was going to let them have a taste of what Sebastian could become, only to dangle it in front of Kimi as his bait. And Sebastian wouldn't even know what was going on.

_ TBC... _


	21. Insatiable

It actually wasn’t something Fernando had planned, but there really had been a photographer around the Team Renault’s motor home and due to that, there were quite a number of pictures taken of the Spaniard and Sebastian talking together now floating on the sports media.

Aina had shown them to Kimi and Kimi’s mood completely went sour at the way the two men were captured looking at each other. Fernando had always been a good actor. This time, he had managed to play the unsuspecting guy perfectly, too. His face was the picture of neutrality, but in contrast, Sebastian’s hatred was evident from a mile away.

The younger man wore his heart on his sleeve and even though Kimi loved him being like an open book with him, he wished Seb would have assumed a more measured expression just like Fernando had done. 

Kimi knew that Fernando was now aware how Kimi had been keeping some things from Sebastian, things concerning Fernando… Because if Seb could freely show this much ire to the Spaniard, he would have tried to strangle him if he’d known about Fernando’s love confessions.

That didn’t matter, though. The important thing was Aina’s subsequent question about how long Kimi was going to keep his relationship hidden from Fernando. Aina had no idea that Fernando was already privy of everything. Hells, even Kimi couldn’t still figure out how and from where the other man had learned about him and Sebastian. And why had Fernando acted so civil with the German in Barcelona after knowing that Sebastian was the boyfriend of his ex to whom he had professed his love not once but now twice? There had to be a catch here and a very nasty one at that, but mulling over it was giving Kimi a stomachache.

He couldn’t ask about Fernando to Sebastian on the phone. He couldn’t disturb his concentration and high spirits when the younger man was having the time of his life. Kimi could only listen to him as he gushed about anything and everything in the paddock, at the garage and about the team. 

Sebastian was at his top motivation, his beautiful eyes were filled with light and his smile was wide and captivating. His video calls were a sight to behold and very dear to Kimi’s heart, because he realized that deep down inside he also wanted to be with him there and be beside him as Sebastian found himself anew. How could Kimi risk raining on that rising sun? He’d never do that. So, he decided to keep his silence until this subject needed to be breached. And apparently, Sebastian had designated the time of it unknowingly for everyone.

When Sebastian had returned on the 16th of May, the first thing he did was to call Kimi and invite him and Aina to a restaurant near the lake to spend the evening together. Seb had brought Carl together with him and after they ate their dinner, Sebastian took out three large envelopes from his jacket’s inner pocket and handed them all one each. 

With great excitement, he watched them all open the envelopes to find paddock passes for the Monaco Grand Prix which earned him a delighted and overjoyed squeal from Aina, a wide eyed look of awe from Carl and a surprised but nervous smile from Kimi. 

The teenagers’ reactions were just like Seb had expected them to be, because there was less than two weeks’ time for the grand prix and finding three paddock tickets were nearly impossible. He had pulled a few strings and had been glad to find out that there were still people in the sports that he could rely on getting things done for him.

Aina gave him a huge hug and Carl clapped him on his shoulder, looking extremely impressed with him. But Kimi’s reaction was subdued even though he seemed happy. Sebastian didn’t prod for the reason to not alert Aina and Carl to the situation, so he let the teens ride their excitement and have their fun by talking about their upcoming trip to Monaco.

After dropping Aina and Carl back home, Sebastian drove Kimi to the loft. They joked around and talked about Sebastian’s test days, mostly Seb talking and Kimi listening, asking questions here and there. Those ice blue eyes were filled with genuine relief as they regarded him with love and Sebastian questioned himself if it was going to be a wise thing to ask Kimi about his earlier reaction. He feared that it might prove to be counter productive to his plans of ravishing the Finn in their bedroom, because he had an idea of what the reason could be.

When they got up to the living quarters of the loft, Kimi immediately went to the bedroom to get himself into some more comfortable clothes, having already brought some of his things up to the house and even placed them in the side of the closet Seb had cleaned up for him.

Sebastian sat down on the bed and watched him change, desire building up in him as he observed the pale skin stretch over the sniwy and lean muscles of the Finn as he moved. Whole weekend he wanted to have Kimi beside him, but talking seemed more important and sincere than slaking his thirst for the other man now.

Kimi climbed on the bed with a soft expression on his face, sitting right beside Sebastian, his body turned towards him. Seb was reclining with his back to the headboard but making no moves to get closer, so Kimi got his cue that they were going to talk.

He let Sebastian caress the side of his face, his neck and collarbone, the touch feather like and giving him shivers. He gazed into the dark blue eyes, knowing what this was all about. There was no escaping of this, so he chose to be the one to talk first.

“I don't want Fernando to see us.” He spoke in a quiet and calm voice as if he wanted to set the tone of their possible argument. He didn't want Sebastian to get angry, not now, not over that man.

The change of emotions in those clear eyes were too sharp and dramatic to ignore. Sebastian’s expression went from adoring desire to hatred and anger in a blink. The hair at the nape of his neck rising, Kimi steeled himself against it.

Sebastian's voice was almost a hiss. “Why are we being forced to live our lives according to the whims of that bastard?”

Oh god, the question and the angry frown on his face were in such contrast with his soft and sensual touch on Kimi's vulnerable skin that it gave Kimi goosebumps. He couldn't help but turn his head away only for his chin to be tipped back by those very same fingers that held him there a bit insistently even though Kimi tried to escape from the judging look the younger man was giving him. 

This was strangely intimate and binding, because Kimi knew that he could get off the bed and put some space between them to clear his head, but he stayed rooted on the spot, neither able to hold the younger man's piercing stare nor able to avert his eyes away any longer.

“I… I know he'll be there, I know it's angering you… But I just don't want him to have the privilege of knowing how good we are together… I am not comfortable with the idea. It is irrational, I am aware…” Kimi tried to explain. Even though Fernando already knew it all, Kimi didn't want him to get to see and hear more of them. 

Sebastian was still unable to understand the need for secrecy, his eyes still sharp and reflecting all his displeasure and ire. “When you asked me for the first time to keep this as a secret, I relented. But I won't hide from him, Kimi. I won't hide from anyone if it's about the two of us. I have always been open about myself. Sorry, but I refuse that.” He decided and slowly turned towards Kimi. He placed his knees on the bed in such a way that he was now on top of the other man, pressing him gently down.

Kimi fell back to the soft bed, his eyes looking up at Sebastian's in question when the younger man leaned on him quickly, close enough to kiss him, but keeping the last bit of distance. Anger was still present on Sebastian's face and even though Kimi knew that he wasn't the cause or the recipient of it, it still didn't sit well with him for it to be directed at him. 

He instinctively kept his hands to himself when he'd normally have reached out for the younger man's face and Sebastian must have realized it, too. 

“He will eventually learn of us, Kimi. He will see us. I don't want to hide just because one man would find it unpleasant to see us together...” Sebastian reasoned, still on all fours above him, his eyes narrow.

Kimi didn't break him the news about how Fernando had already learned, yes. He placed his hands over his stomach, feeling a bit angry at Sebastian for not understanding him. “The need is for privacy, not for secrecy, Seb. They are different.” He blinked up at the other man in hopes of being understood, but no, Sebastian didn't.

“Him hiding you and Aina hurt you greatly in the past… Now I am saying I won't hide you and… What kind of a reaction is this?” Seb pursed his lips shaking his head with his frown deepening.

Kimi tried to roll out of the bed, especially out of under the younger man, his own anger amounting. But Sebastian caught his right wrist and leaned his weight on the left, where Kimi tried to roll to, and blocked his way.

“You are mine.” Sebastian told him, making Kimi forget his anger at his heated claim and the consuming look in his eyes. 

Kimi could only stare back. The grip on his wrist was loose but there. The frown on the younger man's face was deep and focused.

“And I am yours.” Seb continued. “It goes both ways, as always…” 

Even hearing their frequently repeated affirmation of mutuality did not take away the stark possessiveness of Sebastian's first claim. It gave Kimi goosebumps.

“I want to take you there and proudly hold your hand.” Sebastian touched their noses together and watched bewilderment and indecision play across Kimi's features. “Let that man see us together like that, let everyone see us.”

At that, Kimi frowned, his eyes filling with pain. “You realize you'll be seeing him frequently… Do you think it is a wise…”

“Is there a reason to fear him?” Sebastian interrupted Kimi's words, searching his eyes. He shifted a bit and by doing so, placed some of his body weight upon Kimi's legs and lower half, effectively trapping him. “Why would he care? Is there a reason for him to care anymore?”

Kimi's stomach made a twist at the questions even as he shook his head slowly. He didn't know, he really wasn't so sure about all this. Yes, Fernando knew of them, but seeing them together and intimate right in front of him, on the media, in the paddock… He highly suspected that the Spaniard would enjoy the demonstration as if they were doing it to get on his nerves.

Kimi didn't give a damn to what Fernando would think about him, but he feared that he might cause a rift between the team and Sebastian by pulling shitty mind games just to get back at him for it. Sebastian didn't understand this. He didn't know what Fernando was capable of doing.

He shook his head again. “This is not a good idea, Seb…” He murmured, but the younger man silenced him with a kiss. His eyes went wide at the fierceness of it before he hastily shut them closed, because as he usually did, Sebastian was kissing him with his eyes open and Kimi felt all his emotions on display under his scrutiny.

Seb could easily see that Kimi wasn't comfortable with the idea, but he refused to stay hidden from the world as if they were doing something bad, as if they owed anyone anything. He was aware that he was acting petulant and stubborn, but he refused to see that some of the reason of his persistence lied in his jealousy and possessiveness, too. 

He let Kimi's hand go and he pushed his free hand under the Finn's tee, his fingers splaying over Kimi's skin, his touch prominent but gentle. Kimi gasped into their kiss breathlessly, opening his mouth, and Sebastian immediately delved into it with hunger. He was hard and he showed it to the other man by rubbing himself against his thigh in a circular motion.

He broke their kiss and licked at Kimi's lips, cradling his head by putting one elbow on the pillow right above Kimi's shoulder. He carded his fingers through Kimi's hair and pulled at the golden strands, making him tilt his head far back and stretch his neck for him in a wide angle. 

Kimi's breath hitched at the position, his hands uselessly holding onto Sebastian's bicep and side. It didn't hurt in the least, but it effectively made him stretch on the bed under Seb. It was a vulnerable and thus, very intimate position, because he couldn't see the younger man's next move when his head was pulled this far back.

Sebastian began nosing and licking at the exposed neck before him, its unblemished state strongly temping him to leave a few hickeys on it. He had loved it when Kimi had sucked and worried a nice mark on his collarbone the last time and he wanted to do it back, but he knew that it would upset Kimi as he'd try to find a way to hide them the next day. 

The disappointment made him hastily tug Kimi's sweatpants down only to find his cock still not hard. It gave him a pause. He let Kimi's hair go and the Finn slowly and shakily exhaled, his body relaxing back on to the bed as some of his tension left him. 

Kimi was wide eyed, taking rapid shallow breaths. He guilelessly looked back at Sebastian as if he wondered why he had stopped. When he saw that frown again, he reached out for his face and caressed his cheeks and his neck in an attempt to soothe him. He knew that his body wasn't giving the reaction he wanted, because worry overrode the pleasure and being unable to get in the mood also worsened his situation in return, creating a chain reaction. He wasn't aware, but his face reflected it all.

“Not in the mood?” Seb asked and Kimi's eyes were instantly filled with panic. 

“I… I want to… But…” Kimi didn't know what to say to the younger man, still able to feel his hardness against his leg. “If you want, I can help you with this.” He offered, moving his leg a bit to indicate Sebastian's arousal. 

Seb immediately moved his groin away, a nervous half smile that didn't reach his eyes tugging at the side of his lips. “It’s okay. It will go in a few…” He shook his head and rolled away to his side of the bed. He lied on his back, completely ceasing contact with Kimi.

Kimi felt like a bucket of ice cold water was dumped over him, not only physically, but also emotionally. Though Sebastian's body language or words didn't imply that he was disappointed or angry or having any other negative emotions just then, Kimi could smell them on him from a mile away. 

He shut his eyes tightly, his arms hugging his body in need of holding onto something. His clothes were still in a disarray and even though he wanted to curl up onto himself, he feared Seb would misunderstand it as if Kimi no longer wanted to be with him. 

He felt cold when Sebastian turned his head away from him and fell completely silent. Kimi knew what that meant. Seb was upset and was probably aware what caused Kimi to be unable to get into their love making. This had happened to Kimi for the first time and truth be told, even he hadn't been expecting to get this much effected by the fear of Fernando possibly causing Sebastian harm because of his jealousy or baseless vindictiveness. 

Was he overreacting? Was he demonizing Fernando too far and too much? Kimi didn't know. But this hurt, this passive rejection was suffocating him and he gritted his teeth at the way he had no idea how to correct this other than talking. Which he didn't know if Seb would be willing to try.

He turned his body to his right side, towards Seb, and saw his eyes were closed as if he was trying to avoid any communication. But Kimi steeled himself against it, risking another rejection.

“Seb, I am sorry for ruining our night.” He tried to sound steady, but his voice came out as a broken whisper. It instantly urged Sebastian to open his eyes and look back at him. He felt compelled to talk more, but Seb turned on his side towards him and reached a hand to his cheek, stopping him. 

“No, no… It's okay… Hey, it's alright, dearest…” Sebastian watched in horror as two tear drops fell down from Kimi's eyes. 

Kimi only realized their presence when the wetness of them met his skin. “Really?” He shook his head and more tears followed as if he was completely unaware of where they were coming from or how to stop them. “It's not okay…” 

Sebastian bit on his lip, only now realizing how much pressure he had put on the other man by demanding him to follow him to Monaco. He slid across the bed a bit, getting closer to the Finn who was watching him with wide, expectant eyes, tears still glistening in them. Seb reached out and dried them gently, but they fell again even though Kimi's expression stayed calm but sad with no indication to show that he was crying other than his tears and his deep worried frown.

The sight hurt Sebastian, but knowing that he had been the one to reduce Kimi to this state hurt him even more. “Please, don't cry...” He pleaded, drying Kimi's face with the edge of his sleeve. “I should be the one apologizing for making you feel bad over this. I have been acting like a petulant child… Trying to force you into this… I should have respected your choice. I am sorry… Really sorry…” Sebastian leaned their foreheads together and hugged him. 

Kimi relaxed into the warm embrace, forgetting the coldness of a few minutes before in the younger man's hug. He tried to get closer and Sebastian powerfully dragged him into his embrace, his arms tighthening around Kimi securely, their chests and stomach flush against each other and legs tangled. 

“You don't have to come with me, dearest…” Seb whispered against Kimi's lips, their faces so close that he could only focus on one brilliant ice blue eye. “Yes, I want to show you to everyone. I want to spend time with you there. I want to take you to the sea, into the colorful night… I am not a fan of crowds or fanfare, either, but I want to experience them with you, taking courage from your presence. I have never let myself enjoy it before. I want you to be beside me and help me create new memories for my new beginning. Just like you told me in the trophy room… But if it will make you this uncomfortable, then… It's okay, too...” He bit on his lip, waiting for Kimi to say something.

Kimi swallowed, utterly loving the good intentions behind Sebastian's earlier insistent behaviour, but it didn't make it for him any less easier to forget about his qualms. Yet, he also didn't want to get into detail about why he felt this way about Fernando's possible reaction. That would open up a can of worms and Sebastian wasn't the one to deal with it, Kimi was. So, he slowly nodded his head, giving his consent. “We'll go.” He whispered.

Sebastian's eyes widened at Kimi's reply and he leaned a bit back to see his face better. “Are you sure of this?” 

Kimi nodded, looking back into his eyes with that innocent and gentle expression again.

“But you were crying over it?” Sebastian made it into a question, his thumb caressing Kimi's clean shaven chin. 

Kimi shook his head, averting his eyes. “No, silly… I thought you were angry with me, that you were disappointed and thought I didn't want you.” 

Sebastian considered his words, his eyes narrowing down in concentration. He didn't want to upset Kimi for this any longer, but he wanted to tell him the truth at the same time.

“I can't deny that I was angry and disappointed.” He confessed. “But not because of you being unable to lose yourself into me… I know we can't always be on the same page about our intimacy, Kimi. It's normal, we aren't teenagers.” He smiled reassuringly. “Never forget that in the future, too…” 

It honestly relieved Kimi of some of his troubles. “Then… You were angry because of him…” He guessed correctly.

“Yes.” Seb nodded. He pushed back some stray bits of hair out of Kimi's eyes and traced his jaw and the line of his neck and collarbones with the tip of his fingers. “You have changed me, you are still doing that...” He whispered thoughtfully. 

His touch and pensive eyes gave Kimi the shivers again and this time Kimi let the sensation wash over him. 

“You might think that I am contradicting myself when I say that I want everyone, the whole world, to see how your love has remade me, how you helped me face myself with courage, but I also want to hide you from everything and everyone, because I hate the idea of anyone getting to see how beautiful you are.”

Kimi huffed a small fond smile at those words. “I am not a model or an actor, Seb… I am just an ordinary man.” 

Sebastian shook his head with an incredulous smile apprearing on his face. “I am not just talking about your physical beauty, Kimi. Though you are one of the most attractive men I have ever seen, I am also talking about your inner beauty, your infinite kindness, the strenght of your soul, your abundant love...” He pressed his palm against Kimi's chest, right over his heart. “And this is the most beautiful part of you… That I still can't believe you let me have it.” He smiled, his voice getting lower and huskier with an edge of mischievousness. "And I don't know if it is a good or a bad thing that you have no idea how desirable you are both physically and personality wise." His smile widened. "You are driving me crazy…"

Kimi shyly ducked his head at the wonderful compliments and bit on his lower lip, his heart picking up speed. “You are such a sweet talker, I can't compete with you…” He looked up at the dark blue eyes with adoration. 

“No need to…” Sebastian leaned in and tipped Kimi's chin up. “That look in your eyes is enough to set me on fire.” He brought their lips together and they shared a long, slow and soft kiss. It was unhurried and sensual in a way that put Kimi at ease enough to make him forget about anything other than the spots that their bodies were in contact now.

Sebastian leaned back again and caressed Kimi's side and the small of his back under his tee, revelling at the sight of desire beginning to cloud the Finn's eyes. But he didn't make any other move on him, leaving the choice to Kimi just like he had always done.

Kimi was aware and grateful for it. He placed a hand on Sebastian's face and scratched at his beard lovingly before tugging him close from the back of his neck. 

Sebastian was all too willing to comply, his eyes coming alive with want again. Kimi made it clear that he wanted him above himself and Seb easily rolled Kimi onto his back and climbed on top of him. 

Kimi opened up under his touch, this time without any trace of tenseness and worry bothering his body or mind, and Sebastian put extra effort to unravel him kiss by kiss and touch by touch.

Closing his eyes against everything but how Sebastian was making him feel, Kimi shuddered at the way the younger man carefully prepared him as if they had all the time in the world. Every touch, every press of skin against skin was natural, but at the same time measured in a way both to take his mind away and to make him feel secure. 

When he looked back at Sebastian again as the younger man leaned over him, taking leverage from a hand, Kimi smiled up at him dreamily, his own caresses a bit lethargic. 

Sebastian was moving in him with a steady and breathtaking rhythm, claiming him throughly and watching his reactions with such undivided attention that Kimi felt himself burn under the intensity of it. At a particularly sweet push, his back arched sensually and he threw his head a bit back to the left, gasping for breath at the pleasure coiling in him.

“Oh, god…” Sebastian whispered above him, his hand fisting at the sheets besides Kimi's head and his other held onto Kimi's hip to keep him still. “You have no idea how you look…” He bit on his lower lip at the sight and when Kimi looked back at him with a disstressed crease on his forehead, he reassured him. “No, not like that, dearest.” He leaned in just for a moment to steal a kiss, then resumed his position. “I keep telling you I want to flaunt you… But, damn…” He shook his head and huffed at his own feelings of jealousy. "God help me if anyone sees you like this… Or dares to touch you like this…” He confessed between his labouring breaths, trying to hide his shame for thinking this way by rubbing a hand at his face.

Hearing that both intensified the pleasure and the heat in Kimi, and also thrilled him. He could see that Sebastian wasn't proud of feeling like this, but it was alright.

He pulled Seb down on himself and made him lean his forehead against his, decisively holding the younger man's troubled eyes. “Don't be worried, Seb.” He assured the other man. “Because no one can see this other than you anymore. It only exists for you.” 

Kimi didn't know how much those words appeased Sebastian and were able to settle his heart, but he was sure that they made him extremely happy, because after hearing them, Sebastian doubled his efforts to make him taste the utter bliss of their drawn out love making.

* * *

Aina and Carl had been lucky to get a permission of leave from the school to go to Monaco with Sebastian on Wednesday, but Kimi had to work until Friday afternoon, which meant that he had missed watching Sebastian during the free practice of Thursday. But Aina and Carl had sent him the pictures and the videos of the session and of Sebastian's paddock appearence and other duties, as they followed the young man like his shadow.

Amused by the teenagers' enthusiasm for getting the best out of their experience, Kimi thanked Sebastian quite a few times for the opportunity he had created for Aina and Carl, because they couldn't stop gushing about the things they had seen and done when Kimi would call them in the evenings and watch their excited and delighted faces.

Kimi managed to get to the city of Monte Carlo on Friday evening, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the busy and crowded city as soon as he got transferred to his accommodation. Aina and Carl had been waiting for him for their dinner. Sebastian wasn't there though, attending a private cocktail organized by a sponsor. But his daughter's and Carl's company were enough. 

"Dad, we went to jet skiing! And I drove better than Carl!" Aina was relating Kimi the story of how Carl had managed to capsize his jet ski, making the boy flush even as he laughed along with her.

"That was purely because you pulled at my hand, screaming all the time for me to go faster." He was complaining, but Kimi only shook his head at them, berating Aina for putting themselves in danger without a real bite to his words and Aina went on smiling cheekily.

When they calmed down a bit and finished their dinner, Kimi took them to an open air gig of a rock band that played in a club beside the sea. He mostly hanged out there at the bar area, while the youngsters enjoyed themselves until somebody slid beside him on one of the stools and surprised him. 

"Hey, would you like a drink on me?" 

A spectacular smile bloomed on Kimi's face as soon as he saw the owner of the question, his body immediately turning towards Sebastian before they met in an embrace. 

Sebastian took in Kimi's scent, his face in the crook of the Finn's neck. He shuddered despite himself, realizing how much he had wanted to see the other man beside him even though they had been apart only for a few days. "I missed you so much…" His voice trembled over the music and sent shivers down Kimi's spine.

"Me too…" Kimi told him in a breathless voice and leaned back with a smile. "You knew we were here?" 

Sebastian leaned in and brought their foreheads together, shaking the phone in his hand. "Aina made a schedule and told me to obey it to a t." He grinned.

Kimi chuckled at that. "She wants to get the most out of this, I can't blame her." 

"Good for her and for us…" Sebastian winked. "More alone time with you…" 

Kimi shook his head at the naughty glint in the younger man's eyes and placed a quick kiss on his lips before he backed away.

Though it wasn't enough, Sebastian resisted to the urge to simply give in and kiss Kimi senseless in front of hundreds of people. He relaxed against his seat, sitting close to Kimi with his back to the bar just like the Finn did.

"How do you like Monte Carlo, then?" 

Kimi shrugged. "I don't like crowded places, but anywhere is fine as long as I am with you." He told truthfully, making Sebastian glow at his answer. "And you look quite dashing in that…" He couldn't help but point out. "Was it a formal party?"

Sebastian nodded. "The Princess threw a cocktail for us." He was wearing a blue-grey suit with a white dress shirt, his dark blue tie undone and tucked into the pocket of his jacket. His hair and beard had been groomed carefully and he was quite dapper and suave. 

A confident smile graced his lips and he made a show of correcting the lapels of his suit. "Liked me that much?" He asked.

Kimi rolled his eyes at Sebastian's smug attitude. "You damn well know I _love_ it." He answered in equal confidence. "You are breathtaking and the girls right there are looking at you as if you are a snack." He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head back with a challenging smirk. "But too bad for them, you're my snack." Watching Seb's smug expression get replaced by suppressed desire did things to Kimi even though it didn't show on his face as Sebastian swallowed helplessly.

"Stop this, because it makes me want you so bad, but we can't do anything anytime soon…" Seb lamented, his eyes taking on a pleading look.

Kimi mercilessly snorted at that. "Too bad, champion… Self control is a virtue as you know."

Sebastian laughed. "You are really cruel when you want to be…" He shook his head ruefully at Kimi. "How you do this I don't know, but it drives me crazy…" He turned back and ordered a beer, feeling his throat parched after Kimi's teasing.

Kimi acted as if he didn't understand. "What am I doing?"

Even though Sebastian was aware of Kimi's feigned ignorance, he humored the Finn. "You can be so bossy and aloof at times. I love the way you order me around, the way you look down upon me playfully, aware of the power you hold over me… It's something I can never get enough of." Seb couldn't believe that he was saying this in public, but it was easier to talk about this over the blaring music, close to Kimi's ear since Kimi was mostly turned to him and giving him his whole attention. 

"But most of the times you are so pliant and sensual in a soft way…" He took a glance at Kimi's eyes and drank a huge gulp from his beer as he held his gaze. Kimi's expression slowly broke into a shyness that Sebastian adored. "It's maddening, Kimi… Makes me want to wreck and ruin you even as I feel afraid of doing that."

Kimi's lips parted at the intimate confession and he quickly averted his widening eyes at the dancing and singing crowd. Now it was his turn to swallow.

Sebastian smiled knowingly at his way. "See? This is how you make me feel when you turn on the boss mode." He chuckled at Kimi's huff and drank a bit more.

He slid a bit more closer to the Finn and leaned to his side, watching the band playing on the high stage and just enjoying Kimi's closeness. He could spot Aina and Carl in the crowd and showed them to Kimi who smiled at their way fondly. 

"Youth is a nice thing…" Kimi commented offhandedly and Seb took a glance at him.

"Tomorrow night, we'll be young, too." He winked at the Finn as if he was sharing a secret.

Kimi wasn't aware that Seb had made plans for the Saturday night, so he looked back at him with a question in his eyes, but Sebastian shook his head, amused. "Aina has the schedule and it'll be a surprise." 

"Hopefully it's not something that will hinder your Sunday duties." Kimi leaned towards him, too, their heads touching now and he draped an arm over Seb's shoulders to keep him there.

"Don't worry about it." Seb assured. "I don't have much to do on Sunday. So, tomorrow night I'll entertain you." He promised.

Kimi nodded at him and let himself enjoy the night now that he had Sebastian's warmth pressed against his side and his smile directed at him.

* * *

Saturday was hectic. Kimi had forgotten how the ruckus of a grand prix weekend could drive a person crazy if one wasn't used to living in it. And the situation in Monaco Grand Prix had always been worse, because everything and everyone seemed to be stacked into a tin can like some sardines. At least, the weather was good and he wasn't sweating like crazy. There was a nice breeze, bringing in the clean smell of the sea and everything seemed normal though a bit overwhelming. His ideas were about to change in the afternoon.

Before the qualifying session, there was a pit lane walk arranged for the paddock club members and seeing that both Aina and Carl were really enthusiastic about visiting the team garages, Kimi relented to join the walk.

Aina was walking in between her dad and boyfriend, giddy with a wide smile on her face and though Kimi hated to ruin it, he needed to give a warning. "Kids, let me remind you that Fernando might be there." Kimi told them with a small smile, but it was tense and Aina looked confused. 

"He didn't tell me he was coming here. And I didn't tell him that we'd be here, either." She suddenly seemed worried. "Dad, I accepted the tickets knowing that he won't be coming to Monaco… Otherwise, I wouldn't have…"

Kimi shook his head. "Don't worry. He knows I am together with Sebastian." He explained.

Both Aina's and Carl's eyes were wide. "Really? Since when?"

"I don't know since when and I don't know how he learned that, dear. But it wasn't me or Seb giving him the cue." Kimi followed the crowd, linking his arm to hers. "Just… Don't be surprised if you see him pop up somewhere around." He tried to act nonchalant, but both teenagers could see that he was not comfortable with the idea.

"And Sebastian is okay with him seeing us?" Carl asked, linking his arm to her other one as if the simple touch could make them show a united front against a threat he couldn't understand but felt instinctively.

Kimi nodded. "He'll see us together sooner or later. It doesn't matter when." He shrugged. 

Carl shared a look with Aina and it was clear that she'd preferred Fernando to see them on the media, too, not in person, though there was no news or anything to indicate that the Spaniard was here. 

Carl guessed that now that Sebastian was a part of the team, he'd want to show Fernando where things were going to stand between them. Because Kimi could be Fernando's past, but he was Sebastian's present and future. Even he could smell the jealous possessiveness of his uncle from here. And maybe that was a good thing, too. For once…

When they were admitted to the pitlane, Kimi was glad to see that the attention of the youths was immediately got stolen by the race cars that were getting prepared for the qualifying session with the engineers and the mechanics pouring over them meticulously. It reminded him of his days in the factory, working over the power units for endless hours.

He didn't miss the job. Not the least bit… He didn't want lingering around especially Ferrari and Renault garages, fearing that somebody might recognize him even though it was a slim chance. He stayed away from the crowd as much as he could to get this done as inconspicuously as possible, but it wasn't meant to be.

He cringed at the sound of his name spoken close to him, a hand closing around his arm in an all too brave and familiar way. He turned around only to come face to face with Fernando.

"What are you doing here?" Fernando asked, looking genuinely bewildered to see Kimi among the paddock club crowd. 

Kimi tried to shrug his hold, but Fernando kept his hand on him, his touch too hot on the skin of his arm. "What does it look like?" He frowned at the Spaniard, getting extremely conscious about the people and the media around them.

"Aina is here, too?" Fernando looked around and Kimi inclined his head towards the McLaren garage to show her.

Fernando grimaced, anger slowly spreading on his face. "That boy… Why is Carl with you?" He hissed, suspicious. 

Kimi tried to shrug the other man's hold again, but it only tightened on his skin more. "Let go of me and put on your god-damned shades, Fernando. Everybody is watching us."

That did the trick and Fernando schooled his face into a look of geniality and let Kimi go. He actually took Kimi's advice and wore his sunglasses, thankfully hiding his hate filled eyes from the others. "Sebastian brought you here, right?" He asked, his fake smile nauseating Kimi. "Wow… That guy has some nerve…" He shook his head, incredulous.

"Why does it matter?" Kimi hissed in equal measure. "You knew of us, you shook his hand in Barcelona…"

"I told you I love you, Kimi." Fernando interrupted Kimi's words. Thankfully his voice was just a low growl, nothing more, but it had been enough to tense Kimi up. "Does it mean nothing to you?" He asked, this time with a pleading note in his question.

Kimi regarded the Spaniard with a deep frown, glad that he was wearing his shades, because he no longer knew if Fernando's claims of love were angering him or disturbing him more. He wouldn't want the other man to read the emotion on his face. "Once upon a time… But it was so long ago, Fernando. It's a matter of the past and you are stuck in there. It is high time you get used to the idea that it is over and will never be again." He sighed and turned around to find Aina and Carl, but Fernando stepped up to him from behind, touching his shoulder to stop him.

"Don't go, Kimi… Call Aina here and let's have a cup of coffee somewhere."

The crowd was thinning and moving away and the last thing Kimi wanted was to be seen with the Spaniard. "For what reason?" He asked, turning half way towards the other man. "I told you many times before. This is the last time I am telling you this. Just stop this… Whatever this mind game that you are playing with me. Just.Fucking.Stop." And with that, he walked away and returned back to the crowd.

Fernando didn't wait to see where Kimi was going, preferring to mingle with the pit crew to make himself scarce. He was so angry. Kimi had refused to be with him at the Grand Prix weekends during their last years, but he had willingly followed Sebastian here even though he might have guessed that he'd see Fernando in the city eventually. Not even the idea of this unpleasant chance encounter had been enough to deter Kimi and Fernando felt anger bubble up inside of him. He asked himself what was so special about the German to persuade Kimi into doing things he'd never have done in a million years for Fernando. 

His mood completely gone down the drain, he returned to the team garage, glad that Sebastian wasn't there. The younger man was probably in an interview or at a team meeting and it was for the best, because Fernando wanted to punch him in the face. But interestingly enough, the damage he wanted to cause was going to be given by the media in his stead.

* * *

 

Finally free of his team duties, Sebastian was ready to take Kimi out, currently waiting for him and Aina to get down to the lobby of the hotel that they were staying in. 

Carl was beside him on the phone, talking with a friend of his and Seb was going through his media feed, looking at the pictures taken in the paddock.

As he swiped over his screen, he came across Fernando's pictures, his eyebrows rising in mild annoyance at the sight of the other man's pics taken in the garage. Seb knew that Fernando was going to be in the city, but he wasn't aware that it was going to be today. He quickly went through the feed, but stopped when he saw the pictures of someone resembling to Kimi. With Fernando…

There were quite a few of them, taken mostly from afar, showing Fernando's face, and Kimi's back. There was no mistake, this man was Kimi and Fernando was holding him from his arm, a bit tightly at that, with a frown on his face.

A few shots later, the Spaniard wore his shades and was smiling now, his touch disappearing from Kimi's arm. Sebastian felt unreasonable jealousy burn his insides, but he also knew that this was his doing and he should have prepared himself to see something like this.

In the next shots, Kimi was half way turned to the camera and his shades were so big that Sebastian couldn't figure out how the Finn had been feeling just then. He looked neutral and Fernando's hand was on his shoulder this time with an expression as if he was asking Kimi of something. There was a bit of disappointment. But more than that, in all of the pictures, Fernando's attention was on Kimi single mindedly and it was what ticked Sebastian off.

"Seb, they are here." 

He came to himself with Carl's voice, hastily swiping the open tabs closed and locking his screen. He looked up at the approaching father and daughter and his breath hitched in his throat.

The Finn was wearing a black T-shirt, the flowing material of it looked silky and tucked into his dark grey skinny jeans. A thick black leather belt was hugging Kimi's waist, his leather sneakers complementing it. He was wearing a thin dark grey dress jacket over it all, the sleeves of it pushed back up to the elbows. 

Kimi looked so damn fine… It was obvious that Aina had her finger in it. Sebastian couldn't help but wolf whistle at him, with his hands in his jeans pockets, his eyes unabashedly drinking in the sight of the other man.

"I wish I had a mirror and showed you the sleazy grin you have now…" Carl nudged him discreetly and Seb shrugged, uncaring. 

"Well, he wore this for me and I am doing what every gentleman should do in this situation…" 

"Yeah, wolf whistling, right? Very gentlemanly..." Carl berated, shaking his head at him.

"Shut up, he is my date and he likes it." Seb defended with a smile and then cleared his throat.

Kimi eyed Sebastian with an eyebrow raised in suspicion. "I thought I heard some whistling, but…" He eyed the two men and Carl immediately pointed at his uncle and instead of denying it, Sebastian puffed out his chest, proud of what he had done.

They all shared a laugh at Seb's daring act and parted ways, Aina and Carl going for a beach party and Sebastian taking Kimi to a private night club. 

Kimi gave Sebastian an appeased look in their cab, truly loving how the younger man had dressed himself. "I think you deserve that wolf whistling more than me." 

He was wearing dark blue jeans with a fitting white T-shirt, a similar belt and sneakers combination with a matte leather biker jacket over them. There were leather wristlets on both his wrists and they added to his wild look which Kimi adored.

Sebastian held Kimi's hand and linked their fingers, forgetting about the negativity the pictures of the Finn and Fernando had caused in him. "Glad you liked it, it is for you." He told him, straightforward.

"I appreciate the effort, Seb." Kimi leaned in and kissed the younger man on the lips chastely which Sebastian tried to follow even after he leaned back, his eyes darkening. It did things to Kimi's insides, but he pretended that he was alright.

When they reached their destination, Kimi shook his head at the smugly smiling German. "I should have known…" He murmured, standing before the most reknowned night club of this part of Europe. 

Sebastian took his hand and directed him about among the hoard of people before the establishment and quickly made it inside after nodding at a few people. He fished out a card right in front of a particular swinging door and it was open for him in an instant.

The place was huge. Kimi tried to wrap his mind around the different levels of the club, the final level being the one they were currently in. It had a very big stage that spun out on a side which Kimi suspected as the seaside of the club. The dance floor was in lower ground and the partitions and the bar lounge was on the higher part that circled the dance floor from all sides. There was a second storey, too. Kimi could see people dancing and watching the clubbers in the private theatre boxes in the balcony part above.

The music was pulsing in Kimi's bones and the lights were a bit nauseating. He was glad that Sebastian was holding onto his hand, because all his senses were now in overdrive and he was actually a bit disstressed by his body's reaction. 

Sebastian had a wide smile on as he searched for a nice spot to get a few drinks in, but when he looked back at Kimi to show him the place he'd chosen, he saw how unsteady the Finn was on his feet. He immediately turned around and cradled Kimi's face in his hands. "We can leave if it's too much…" He offered, hating the idea of Kimi not enjoying this because of sensory overload.

Kimi shook his head, his own hands going for the younger man's waist as he loosely embraced him and closed his eyes a bit to reorient himself. "It will pass." He said, not sure if Sebastian understood him, but the other man simply wrapped his arms around him and stayed still. 

Sebastian didn't mind the waiting as Kimi was just where he wanted him to be, in his arms. So, he used the opportunity and took a deep breath to get Kimi's scent in, tucking his face into the side of the Finn's neck, placing a kiss to wherever he could reach. Kimi was laughing and squirming a bit at the sensation of his beard rasping against his skin and Sebastian chuckled at his reaction.

"Tickles?" He asked, his lips on Kimi's ear, his breath moist and hot. 

Kimi shuddered at his own sensitivity and nodded, getting a bit away from Sebastian, because this began to effect him in an embarrassing way.

When Kimi slowly got out of his embrace, Seb inclined his head towards the spot he had chosen and Kimi followed. 

They took a place close to the dance floor and Seb ordered them two large beers, not preferring more alcoholic beverages, because he respected Kimi's wish to avoid the heavier stuff and he didn't want to get drunk, either.

"Liked it?" He really hoped so, because he had plans for this place.

Kimi nodded his head, watching the people dance or sway to the music the DJ played. The light show and the large cinevisions mounted high above the walls were too eye catching, but Kimi slowly got used to it. "It has been a while since I last saw a place like this." He confessed. "At least the people haven't gone completely rowdy." He grinned.

Sebastian laughed at the comment, but it was actually true. "Yet…" He finished Kimi's sentence. This club was quite an upscale place and mostly the rich adults preferred it. One would think that they'd be more discreet about their fun, too, but no. "The night has just begun. You'll see how rowdy it gets after a while."

Kimi pursed his lips, wondering how he was going to stand it all with a sober head while everyone would slowly get themselves smashed. "Good, then…" He shrugged. "Things always get funny around midnight in places like this."

Seb huffed at his reasoning and then wickedly grinned. "I told you I'll entertain you. No worries." He clinked the bottom of their glasses and drank the half of his beer, his eyes never leaving Kimi's.

The intensity of Sebastian's gaze was making Kimi feel hot and he tried to ignore it, wondering what he had in mind.

They finished their beers and Seb got off from his seat. He shrugged off his leather jacket and tipped his chin for Kimi to do the same. 

Kimi handed him his and Sebastian dumped the jackets into the arms of a passing by waiteress, tucking a card in her hand. Then he dragged Kimi down to the dance floor, laughing at his caught in the head lights look.

"I am so bad at this!" Kimi complained even as he let Sebastian maneuver his body into a swirl, laughing along with him.

"Not much different from ice skating!" Seb pulled Kimi closer and put a hand on his hip. "Just listen to the music and let it go." 

The advice was good, but didn't do much for Kimi as he clumsily tried to keep in step with the younger man, but mostly failed. At least, the dance floor was packed and nobody seemed to care for what the others were doing. So, gradually, Kimi started to find his confidence, too. 

Sebastian didn't mind Kimi's lack of talent in dancing. In fact, he found it extremely cute and endearing. He kept them together, because the floor was getting crowded and darker and he was aware that they had managed to garner a few eyes on them. 

At first, Seb didn't know who the object of the attention was among the two of them, but as he glanced around, he found out one of their audience. It was Fernando and the Spaniard was watching them with a deep frown, his lips set into a displeased thin line. Seb looked back him without averting his eyes, keeping his face neutral even as he silently challenged the other man. 

He pulled Kimi in and inclined his head a bit, and then made a point of kissing him to show Fernando that they belonged to each other. 

Kimi was surprised by the kiss, his brows furrowing at the suddenness and the intensity of it. Seb's eyes were boring into his without even a blink, yet he couldn't help but close his own, his movements ceasing at the sweet taste of the younger man. But it didn't last long when he remembered where they were and when Sebastian unabashedly rubbed his growing desire to his.

"Woah, Seb…" He leaned a bit back and saw lust clouding the dark blue eyes before him as Sebastian licked his lips and tried to chase him for another kiss.

"What? Everybody's doing it and nobody cares…" Seb's lips were moving against Kimi's lips, but he could see the hesitation in the ice blue gaze. 

Kimi smiled at his enthusiasm, but truth be told he wasn't too keen on the idea, preferring their privacy. Yet, he did his best to humor the younger man and this time he was the one who initiated their kiss.

The zeal with which Sebastian was licking and nipping at his lips didn't seem too natural, but Kimi let it be, because he wasn't aware of a pair of dark eyes looking directly at their way.

Fernando felt sickness rise in him at the display, but he miraculously managed to stay put and watched Sebastian practically devour Kimi. 

He had been a bit away, nursing a cocktail in his hand, chatting with his friends. Then his attention got caught by the two men getting on the dance floor. If he had to tell the truth, they both looked stunningly handsome, but Kimi was especially so in his eyes. Morbidly fascinated by the sight of them, he couldn't take his eyes away as Sebastian made Kimi laugh and slowly get him relaxed into their dancing.

When their eyes met with the younger man's across the dance floor and when Sebastian smirked before he drew Kimi closer and latched onto his lips, Fernando heard something clink and looked down to see that he had made the tall glass in his hand crack. He grimaced at it, counting himself lucky that he hadn't actually broken it with the force of his hold. But he could very well have just broken it so that he could have something to focus onto other than his hate and anger.

His appetite for fun and drinks now completely gone, he excused himself to go to the restroom and felt that the last slivers of regret and guilt that he had been feeling about his plans evaporate into thin air, leaving nothing but a stone cold determination behind.

From the corner of his eye, Sebastian saw Fernando leaving towards the refreshing area of the VIP rooms. He leaned back from Kimi who was a bit dazed by now because of all their kissing and Seb's occasional grinding on him, but he seemed to be completely unaware of who had just been there behind him. 

Truth be told, Sebastian hadn't known Fernando was going to be here tonight, but even if he had known, he would have brought Kimi here and kissed him like that again. Because, he couldn't deny that the idea of the Spaniard watching them gave him a sense of great satisfaction. _Let him see who you belong to now, Kimi…_ He thought as he caressed Kimi's face lovingly. 

Kimi was totally oblivious of the situation, all his attention was zeroed in on Sebastian. It was embarrassing to admit it, but he was half hard and when Sebastian tried to get him into another kiss, he shook his head wryly. "Seb… I am... I don't want…" He refused the younger man, cautious of being misunderstood. But Sebastian smiled knowingly at him, a bit smug. 

"You enjoyed it that much?" He asked, bringing their foreheads together.

"God, you are incorrigible." Kimi berated, but he was smiling, too. 

"Okay, then…" Seb took a step back away from him and tugged him to the bar area. "Just go sit there and wait for my return, I'll be back in a few." He showed Kimi to a high stool and before Kimi could say anything, he disappeared into the crowd.

Kimi could only watch him go with wide eyes, deflating, but mostly amused at the impulsiveness of the younger man. He waited around a bit, but Sebastian didn't come back. Instead, just as he was about to get worried, a waitress approached him and handed him a hard plastic card wrapped in a piece of paper. 

 _‘Come this way, beautiful.’_ Kimi snorted at the use of endearment. There was only one person in this whole world who would insistently call him that. Sebastian…

It was a key card with the emblem of the club and just a number on it. The personnel must have realized that he didn't know what this was, because she escorted him to the stairs and brought him to a long hall that overlooked the whole club. The walls were covered with mirrors and it was a bit tiring to the eye, but Kimi saw there were numbers and small electronic lock devices mounted on them. These were small rooms, most probably VIP partitions. He walked a bit and found the room that matched with the key card in his hand and he didn't for a second hesitate in opening the glass door and entering it, thinking that this was one of Sebastian's games.

The room was small and seemed empty, dimly lit, but big enough for four people. He entered, his eyes scanning the interior. But as soon as he stepped inside, he was tugged to the side from one arm and the door was shut with the key card taken from his grasp.

Before he could understand what the hell was happening, Kimi came face to face with Sebastian, who pushed him back to the door, and none too gently at that. Kimi could only look at the predatory half smile on the other man’s face, letting his back hit the cold glass as the German quickly crowded him, placing his hands on the door on either side of him.

“You… You just walked in without any hesitation…” Sebastian berated him and there was actual disappointment and anger in his eyes even though he was smiling. “I could have been anyone.”

Kimi shook his head, heat claiming him again at the look the younger man was giving him. “Only you call me beautiful…” He needlessly tried to explain, making Sebastian laugh at him as he shook his head.

“You are naïve, too trusting, too good…” Seb came close enough to kiss him and looked at his lips, before his dark eyes found Kimi’s again. “Really, Kimi… I could have been anyone.” He suddenly turned serious and the abrupt change of emotions on his face took Kimi’s breath away. 

When the younger man flipped him back and forced him to face the door, Kimi gasped at the rough treatment and realized the rules of their game, the sting of Sebastian’s powerful hold on him rekindling his arousal.

“Look up, Kimi… We have an audience.” Sebastian leaned in to whisper into the Finn’s ear and held onto Kimi’s wrists and pressed them onto the glass, careful to not hurt him, but hard enough to deter him from moving away. 

Kimi visibly shuddered at the way Sebastian breathed near his ear and neck, but the real surprise was waiting for him when he looked up and saw that he was practically standing before a steel profiled glass door that gave him a clear view of the whole club and the passersby on the corridor outside. 

His first reaction was to panic, and thus, to try and turn around in fear of being seen, but the younger man kept on his hold, having expected this reaction. “Seb… This thing… People are walking around…” 

“Remember getting in here? These are just reinforced mirrors.” Sebastian massaged his thumbs over Kimi’s thin wrists to calm him down and rubbed himself against Kimi’s back, letting the other man feel how turned on he was.

Excited but also worried out of his mind about being seen by someone from the outside, Kimi began to tremble. “Seb… Oh, god… Why do you torment me like this?” He asked, letting the thrill of the situation wash over him. Sebastian placed his lips on his nape and kissed him there, before he worried a patch of his skin between his teeth, just enough to hurt and maybe bruise a little.

When Kimi strained a bit in his hold, Seb licked a wet trail on Kimi’s exposed neck and then bit gently on his shoulder as if to remind him that Kimi was the one who needed to stay put this time. “Relax, dearest… Just let me ravish you.” He whispered again and when he felt a bit of tension leave Kimi’s body, he let go of his hands.

Kimi was thankful of being released from the hold no matter how provoking the idea of being restrained was, because he wanted to put his arms on the door and hide his face behind them, still unable to shake off the feeling of being watched.

Sebastian realized what he was about to do and warned. “Don’t do that, Kimi… Don’t hide.” He tugged Kimi’s dark grey shirt free of his jeans and god, he loved the feel of the perfect skin gliding under his hands as he practically groped Kimi’s sides and hips and chest, paying no heed to be gentle about it. 

The touch of the strong hands made Kimi flinch involuntarily. The fingers dug into his flesh, short nails scraping against his sensitive nipples and making his breath hitch in his throat. He stretched his spine and thus his stomach as if to escape the insistent touch, but Sebastian growled behind him, stilling his movements. The sound of that growl went straight to his groin and he shivered at the pleasure pooling there, loving the way Seb pressed against him more and subsequently pushing him against the cold glass more.

The control he had over Kimi was getting to Sebastian’s head, mixing there with the slight buzz of the earlier couple of beers he’d gotten, but he’d never abuse it. Not just because he loved Kimi more than anything, but also because he was well aware that this control had been freely handed to him. He wouldn’t betray that trust, not now, not ever. He took a moment to hug Kimi to his chest, savoring the way Kimi immediately relaxed into his warmth and sighed, nuzzling his head onto Sebastian’s shoulder and then threw it back when Seb began playing with his nipples. 

Kimi’s hands slid across the glass surface of the door as Sebastian’s gentle touch slowly turned into rolling, squeezing and pinching. He couldn’t help but rub himself on Seb’s hardness, hoping that the younger man would just get on with it, because this was slowly driving him out of his mind.

“Stop teasing me, Seb… Just stop…” He complained, but as soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them, because Sebastian actually stopped. In his frustration, Kimi began to chuckle, knowing full well that Seb was making him taste his own medicine. But something came to his mind just then. 

“How do you want me, then?” He asked, turning his head half way towards the other man, catching his eyes as he slowly took off his shirt, making a show of flexing the muscles on his back, shoulders and arms. Goosebumps covered his skin and he rubbed his hands over his body as if to chase them away, leaning his head to the glass door and watching Sebastian with completely innocent eyes. Which was an act, because he really wanted Seb to do something about their painful arousals.

The hunger in Sebastian’s eyes was feral. “Ahh… Kimi…” He groaned, a slow but predatory smile spreading on his lips. “You really want me to lose control, huh?” He bit on his lower lip and petted Kimi’s spine in long strokes. “Okay, then… You’ll stretch yourself for me, dearest.” He grabbed at the front of Kimi’s tight jeans and fondled him over the denim, closing the gap between them.

Kimi couldn’t help but whine at the mix of pain and pleasure, morbidly watching somebody pass by their door and looking at the mirror just then as if she could see the inside of the room. “So embarrassing…” Kimi drew his shoulders in and hung his head, looking back at Sebastian over his shoulder.

Shame, arousal, impatience and helplessness were all taking their turns in Kimi’s eyes and Sebastian loved seeing them. It spurred him on. He quickly undid the thick belt that decorated the trim waist of the Finn and popped the button of the jean open. He pulled the zipper down and put his hand into Kimi’s boxers. 

Kimi shuddered and breathed a shaky sigh when some of the pressure was taken away from his leaking cock and Sebastian gave a few firm tugs at it. 

“So hard and wet already…” The commentary was unnecessary, but so sexy in Sebastian’s voice. “All for me…” The words made the hairs on his nape stand, bringing tears to Kimi’s eyes. One hand was squeezing his left buttock and a few fingers were going deeper, rubbing against his entrance dry in an intimate way. “You are twitching here, dearest...” Seb sounded breathless and hungry, teasing the tight ring of muscle insistently. “You want me that much?” He licked at Kimi’s shoulder before gently biting down again.

Kimi swallowed a bark of laughter at his own willingness and neediness, nodding fervently. “So much… Want you so much…” He told the truth without any shame and flinched a bit when Sebastian pushed his jeans down to his thighs, kicked his legs apart and poured the lube right on the crevice between his buttocks.

Seb leaned a bit aside, but not too far. He was still holding one of Kimi’s hips and giving him support in case he’d need it. “Let me watch you as you use that.” He could barely suppress the need to do this himself, but then again, he wanted to see Kimi prepare himself for him so much. 

Kimi was glad that at least his fingers were going to provide him with some relief and he tried to put on a show by leaning forward and smearing his fingers with the liquid that slid down his buttocks. He pushed the first finger in without so much as a flinch, his eyes involuntarily going back to watching the outside world, the clubbers enjoying themselves completely unaware of what was happening in these private rooms. 

This strange arrangement of exhibitionism was both shameful and equally liberating at the same time. Everytime somebody passed by or looked up at these rooms, Kimi’s heart was jumping up to his throat even though he knew that there was nothing but mirrors to see here. 

“Enjoying the view, dearest?” Sebastian asked when he felt that Kimi got distracted by the sight of the clubbers. He was caressing Kimi all around, massaging him wherever his hands travelled to and showering him with kisses. His beard was burning the pale skin and turning it to pink.

Kimi would have liked to retort ‘ _I think you are the one enjoying_ the view.’ But he didn’t want Seb to change his mind and prevent him from reaching his release by playing with him more. He felt Seb’s fingers directing his own, pushing them deeper into him, tearing gasps and sighs from his lips.

After a short while, Sebastian grabbed onto Kimi’s wrist and took it away and thus, got his fingers out of him unceremoniously. “I think you are ready for me.”

Just as Kimi was expecting to feel the blunt tip of the younger man’s cock at his entrance, Sebastian whispered lowly in his ear. “If you don’t like this, just tell me to stop, dearest.” And he pushed a very small ball-like thing inside of him.

Kimi groaned at his fate, quickly realizing what this was, but he didn’t protest. He knew he had asked for this by using it on the younger man first. At least it wasn’t on yet. But before he could get used to the presence of the foreign object in him, Sebastian entered him, too, breaching him easily and pushing the device further in while he kept a hold on its cord to keep it close to Kimi’s prostate.

It felt weird. More than the stretch of the younger man’s girth, the stuffed feeling of his insides made Kimi tense up. “Seb, wait… Wait a bit…” He rasped, realizing that he was about to get overwhelmed.

Sebastian knew that he was asking Kimi too much to take at once. “As long as you want, love.” He assured and listened to Kimi’s breathing. He hugged the Finn to his chest again, gently running his hands over the naked expanse of his chest and stomach, kissing him and worshipping his skin. “Tell me if it hurts, tell me if it becomes too much.” He reminded again that he could stop anytime if he'd ask, but a strange kind of headiness was coming over to Kimi and he didn’t want to stop. 

“Move.” Kimi ordered as if he hadn’t been the one trembling and gasping a couple of minutes ago.

Sebastian braced himself and moved, careful at first, finding the presence of the bullet vibrator right beside his cock inside Kimi a bit strange, but not unwelcome. In fact, the added pressure felt good and when he deemed that Kimi had gotten used to the feeling, too, he turned the device on.

Kimi’s world exploded in fireworks and he actually screamed. 

The device was right over his sweet spot and as Sebastian moved, his cock dragged the vibrator inside him back and forth a bit, creating the most intense pressure and sensations he had ever felt to buzz in him. 

Seb hesitated at the sound of that scream even though pleasure twisted in his groin because of it, but when Kimi’s vice like grip closed around his arm and pulled him to move, he obeyed, not knowing when he tables got turned on him again, because Kimi was the one controlling the situation now. Yet, he couldn't give a damn about it. Kimi's body felt like heaven and he was making all these sexy little sounds, trembling all around, arching his back under him in that absolutely sexy way Sebastian loved seeing. 

Kimi's sweathy hands and arms were no longer able to take purchase on the glass. He was slipping down even though he tried to hold himself up, but it was impossible.

He could no longer tell the difference between the rhythm of the music coming from the outside and the whirring of the bullet shaking his senses. He could see people passing by from outside and each one of them seemed to be looking deep into his soul. A headache started to form right on his forehead and it made seeing hard and turned his hearing a bit muffled.

He was going to come, he could feel it, but also the sensory overload was making it difficult to concentrate on the pleasure. He felt himself on the precipice of his orgasm, but he just stood there as if time had stopped. 

Kimi seemed to be not aware of it, but he was  slowly losing his grip on his senses. Sebastian realized that he was zoning out and slowly got out of him even though every fiber of him screamed at him to continue with his claim. But he wanted to see Kimi's face and give him some respite. 

When Kimi found himself looking up at the fancy metallic decor of the ceiling, he gave a deep sigh. He was lying on the small couch in the room and everything slowly settled back to their normalcy. Sebastian was looking down at him, caressing his stomach and side with one hand and keeping himself above with the other.

"Don't use that thing on me again." He whispered and reached out for Sebastian's face, pulling him down for a kiss.

Two tear drops thumbled down the corners of his eyes, but they weren't because of sadness or pain. He was simply burnt out, yet glad that the buzzing thing had been taken out of him. "No need for that, you are enough…" He appeased the younger man's ego, his hand traveling to Seb's bottom before he caressed the round mould of flesh and pressed him down on himself. "Just take me like this." He followed Sebastian's lips for another kiss, driving him crazy with his words.

"Do you really want this, Kimi?" Seb wanted to be certain of it still and when Kimi nodded, he entered him back and covered his lips with his own to swallow down Kimi's ensuing moan.

His whole mind going blank at the sheer amount of pleasure and the array of all the other sensations, Kimi reached his orgasm in just a few thrusts. His body spasmed in the younger man's hold and all sound, all sight got stripped of him for a few seconds until his senses came back and he found his whole world being made up of Sebastian.

His scent, his soft hair and coarse beard, his lips pressed against his jaw, his hot breath moistening his skin, his hands holding him together and his sky blue eyes regarding him with all the love in the world… Kimi's heart stuttered when that melodious voice said it all again. 

"I love you, dearest…" Sebastian told him solemnly, but then a slow smile took over his expression. "Love you for indulging me, for putting up with me…" He thanked him, peppering his face with kisses.

Kimi went completely lax on the couch and enjoyed the small kisses. "I love you, Sebby…" He sighed, happy and content, but utterly sore. After a while, he began shivering at the drying sweat on his skin. "Help me into my tee?" He asked, and when Sebastian straightened up and got out of him, his back arched, a gasp escaping his lips.

Seb felt his cock twitch again at the sight, but no… This had already been too much and also away from the privacy of their own home. He was already amazed that Kimi had let him try all these things on him. So, asking for more would be unfair.

Sebastian helped Kimi clean up with the refreshing towels and disposed of everything. Then, he handed him his t-shirt and sat down beside him, facing the door. He pulled Kimi to his chest and wrapped his arms around him securely, the muffled music thumping in the room like a heart beat.

The fingers that played with his hair induced sweet sleep in Kimi, but this wasn't the place to do that. Hell, he was sure that they weren't supposed to do half of what they had done in here, either. "Your mind works in a weird way." He shifted a bit on the couch and gave more of his weight on Sebastian's chest. 

Seb was watching Kimi. "How so?" He linked their fingers together. 

"You took me right in front of hundreds of people… And in such a way at that… But no one saw me or heard me other than you…" Kimi mused, deep down inside sensing what Sebastian had proven to himself by doing this. "You have me… Yes, I am yours." He tilted his head back a bit and came face to face with the younger man.

Sebastian kept his face schooled, but he was aware that he had been read like an open book again. Kimi must have sensed that he'd been ticked off by his encounter with Fernando in the pitlane.

"But it's because I chose to give myself to nobody else but you, Seb." Kimi continued and pressed a finger on Sebastian's plush lips, stopping the immediate answer. "We chose each other and I am rejoiced and utterly blessed by your choice in me. It is mutual, it goes both ways." Kimi repeated and Sebastian immediately agreed. 

"As always…"

"Yes, so… You should know that by now you have nothing to prove to others, nothing to explain or show them…" He rubbed the tips of their noses together. "Didn't you say this to me yourself?"

Sebastian sighed, that intense expression back on his face, his eyes narrowed down. "Even though I should have readied myself for it, I saw some pics of you and that man together in the pitlane…"

"Forget about that man…" Kimi grimaced and dismissed the mention of the Spaniard as if it was the most unpleasant thing ever.

Seb brushed the thought aside, too. "I felt jealous but… Honestly, Kimi… Getting you into this room and then trying all those things on you…"

"Just happened in the natural course of the things, right? Not planned at all..." Kimi completed Sebastian's words and earned a small dismayed laugh in return. "God, you are so petty…" He smirked, stealing a kiss from the pouty lips. "You flaunted me to half of Monte Carlo, all the while knowing that the show was happening just for you."

Sebastian couldn't help but laugh. "Yup, like buying out all the seats at a private screening…" He agreed mischievously and Kimi rolled his eyes at him and settled back against Sebastian's chest, completely done with his humour. 

"Yeah, coming soon to your bedroom…" He sounded both amused and exasperated. "A private screening of my ass just for you, you insatiable little twit…" He berated, but that was enough to break Sebastian down into laughter. 

_TBC..._

_Review?_


	22. Losing My Religion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Assault, Sexual Coercion, Threatening with Rape

End of the term had always been a busy time for Kimi, but this year Aina was graduating. And thus, it was an exciting few couple of weeks for him, too. Though he was swamped, he wasn’t complaining; because seeing the fruits of his students’ hard work was the best thing. But it also meant that he had to get things signed by Fernando for Aina’s graduation procedures.

Luckily for him, Fernando had been in the city with a group of his people and told him that he could spare him an hour to sign the paperwork. Thinking nothing of it, since their meeting place was the bar lounge of the forest hotel where he wouldn’t be alone with the Spaniard, Kimi went there. He was completely unaware that Fernando had planned their meeting to be there at that exact hour for a reason.

Fernando acted quite jovial as if their encounter in Monaco had never happened or as if he had never confessed his feelings to Kimi. He ordered a soft drink for Kimi, read the papers with a fond smile and radiated pride when he saw Aina graduating the school as the top student academically. Surprisingly, he mentioned not a single thing about their situation or about Sebastian. 

Kimi thought that it was strange, but didn’t dwell on it much because he wanted to get away from the hotel as quickly as possible. With his papers signed, he parted with Fernando without much hassle other than the Spaniard putting his hand on his shoulder and patting him, before that hand travelled down from his arm to his hand in a caress. Kimi had to retract his hand discreetly, but not without giving Fernando a murderous glare. Fernando simply smiled at his distress as if he hadn’t touched Kimi without his consent again, as if they’d just shared a romantic moment. Kimi left the hotel in his own car, completely unaware of who had been watching him and Fernando way back in a corner of the lounge.

Three people from the Renault F1 PR team had been sitting at a table away from the prying eyes and having drinks with Sebastian over the talks about Seb’s next advertisement campaign for their clothing brand sponsor. They had been in the middle of discussing what the brand required of them in the photo shoot when Sebastian’s attention got caught by Kimi entering the lounge and directly going and taking a seat at the high stools of the bar area. 

Excitement filled him at the sight of the Finn, before his brain caught up with his heart and wondered what the other man might be doing here alone. He forced himself to stay put, unable to pay much attention to the discussion going on at the table. He didn’t have to wait much for the answer to his question when Fernando got into the lounge, too and directly headed over to Kimi’s side.

Sebastian couldn’t prevent an utterly disgusted grimace from appearing on his face at the sight of the Spaniard. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from them as Kimi showed the other man some papers and Fernando’s smile widened as he read them and signed them all. 

They might have sat there for not more than ten minutes, but it required inhuman power to resist the need to just go there and appear right beside Kimi to remind the Spaniard that, no, Fernando could no longer touch the Finn like that anymore. 

He couldn’t see Kimi’s expression upon the caress of the Spaniard, but Kimi didn’t even try to shrug off the touch at all. It seemed that he just let it be and that boiled Sebastian’s blood in his veins. Was this because of their past familiarity and intimacy? Or… No, no, no… He forbade his mind from even going there, because that was impossible. 

“Isn’t that Nando?” The man sitting beside Seb observed and that drew all the attention on the couple.

“Yeah, and the man that just left… Do you know who he was?” 

The first man shrugged. “No idea, but I heard he meets a blond man here quite frequently. I wonder if that guy was him.” He raised his eyebrows and the other men chuckled. For the sake of privacy, they continued their little gossip in French. 

_ “Nando needs to be more discreet about this if he doesn’t want to be out. Touching him like that… And what kind of a look he was giving to that guy?” _

The others agreed. _ “Yeah, totally smitten... We should warn him about it some time. He needs to tone the smolder down a bit in public." _ But what they didn't know was the fact that Sebastian could speak French. 

Unable stand listening to more of the conversation, Seb sprang to his feet, scorching heat claiming his body uncomfortably because of his anger. He could barely croak an excuse before going after Kimi. "Just a minute, gentlemen." 

He ran after the other man, but couldn't get to him in time. Kimi drove away in his Focus and Seb watched him leave, his heart hurting his rib cage, anger still flaring in him. He didn't know what he'd wanted to say to the Finn even if he'd caught him. And maybe this was for the better, because Kimi had done nothing to be the object of his ire. Fernando was the one who deserved it. 

Sebastian couldn't believe how the other man still acted so casually with Kimi after Seb had purposefully showed him who the Finn belonged to now. He considered finding Fernando and talking to him about this, but he knew that it would upset Kimi greatly when he'd learn, because Kimi didn't know that Fernando had watched them making out on that dance floor in Monte Carlo. 

Even though the gossip told by the Renault PR people got to him, Sebastian knew that they had to be talking about the times Kimi had to meet Fernando for Aina's birthday party. There could be no other explanation for the frequent meetings, so he didn't put much thought into it.

After getting his negative emotions under control, he returned to the table and found that Fernando had already left his seat. He chose to shrug it off and concentrate on his work, but doubt stuck itself somewhere at the back of his mind.

* * *

The week after the Canadian Grand Prix was the last week of the school and also on the 15 th of June, there was the diploma ceremony. 

Aina and Carl were quite excited, but more than them, Kimi and Sebastian were on cloud nine and prideful. 

When Sebastian drove Carl with his Ferrari F420, the car he loved the most and used the less, everyone's eyes were on them as they got out of it. Two dashing men in their dapper suits and for the first time Carl liked the attention. But it could never rival the admiring gaze of Aina's eyes when she saw him and smiled brightly at him.

The teens were lost in their little world, so Sebastian approached Kimi who was going to be both a host to the ceremony as a teacher of the school and the parent of the student graduating as the top of her year. 

He looked sharp and proud and Sebastian thought that the way he smiled and tilted his head back as he talked was the most attractive thing ever.

"Congratulations, Mr Räikkönen…" He teasingly shook Kimi's hand and Kimi smiled at him, shaking his hand back in equal fervor.

"Thank you, Mr Vettel, glad you could make it." Kimi winked at him, their hands holding onto each other longer than necessary. "Get a good spot for the two of us, please." 

Seb nodded, enthusiasm and excitement taking over him again. "Right in front of the stage…" He assured and then had to let go of Kimi's hand, because some other parents approached the Finn and Kimi had work to do.

Sebastian took Aina and Carl inside, helped them into their cap and gown, taking endless pictures and selfies with them. He was getting nervous when he sat down among the other parents to watch the ceremony, realising that he had not been this much on pins and needles for a long time.

Thankfully, Kimi came in and sat down beside him not long after. When the Finn held onto his hand discreetly, some of his nerves were gone, but the smarting in his eyes did not go away. 

Seb was painfully aware that he was there in the name of his sister and brother-in-law and that knowledge, that ache and pride was enough to make him cry like a little kid as he watched Carl get his diploma and letter of commendation for his success. 

Before taking his place back on the stage, Carl came up to the front and kissed his diploma and letter, pointing right at him, honoring Sebastian with his own smug and proud look on his face, grinning. Nothing could have made Seb more happy, then.

When it was Aina's turn, the whole audience applauded her for her achievement and Kimi wetly chuckled at his daughter when she blew a kiss at his way. 

Neither Seb nor Kimi realized that they had never let go of each other's hands throughout the event save for applauding the youths.

After the ceremony, Sebastian took them to a nice dinner and the teens wanted to have a walk around the lake at night, wanting to take advantage of their dressed up state for as long as possible.

Carl and Aina were walking a bit ahead as Kimi and Seb strolled about after them, their arms were linked comfortably. 

"They look good together…" Sebastian observed the giggling teens, Aina's hand clutching at Carl's arm as her support, their posture mirroring Kimi and his.

"We look good together, too…" Kimi smiled at him and Seb immediately agreed with a smile of his own.

"I am so happy tonight, Kimi. It feels surreal." He confessed and Kimi held onto him tighter. 

"We are real, they are real… Everything will be alright." He echoed his mother's words and pressed closer to Sebastian's side.

Seb planted a kiss on Kimi's temple and turned his attention back to Aina and Carl again, his chest swelling with emotion. "We made out to be a fine little family, huh..." He mused, unaware how his offhanded comment made Kimi's eyes widen comically. "I've never considered what being a parent would feel like, but… It must be something very nice like this." He chuckled.

Kimi was glad that Sebastian's eyes were focused on Carl and Aina, because he was sure that his cheeks were flushed and his heart beat was strong enough to be audible.  _ Family, huh? _ He thought with a wistful smile of his own, not daring to dream about it.

* * *

French Grand Prix was on the way and Fernando was in the city to take Aina with him for the weekend. But before that, it was time to get serious about certain things.

He invited Kimi to his hotel room again and Kimi predictabily sounded reluctant and dismissive on the phone. But when he had told the Finn that it was about Sebastian, a long silence ensued on the other end of the line and then Kimi agreed, telling him that he'd be there.

It was Wednesday evening and Fernando was back from a formal dinner with a representative from a sponsor, now in his room and waiting for Kimi to arrive. The knock on his door alerted him and he opened the door to his frowning guest.

Kimi eyed Fernando at the doorway, wanting to be anywhere but here. He was worried, his lips pressed into a thin line and his eyes narrow in suspicion. He didn't enter, looking directly into Fernando's eyes. "Can we talk in the bar lounge or somewhere else?" He asked in a way he hoped that came across as displeased, not disstressed.

Fernando appeared to be completely neutral, neither his eyes, nor his expression betrayed anything. "I need to show you some things and I am afraid you have to see them in here." His tone booked for no argument and he opened the door further, urging Kimi to get inside.

Kimi didn't want to be alone with the other man in his room, especially after hearing what their talk was going to be about; Sebastian. But he entered nevertheless and walked towards the table far into the room where several files were waiting for him stacked on the top. 

"Sit down and get comfortable, Kimi. Those are for you." Fernando took a seat at one of the armchairs, pouring himself a cup of tea, watching Kimi hesitantly sit down on a chair and look back at him.

"What are you playing at?" Kimi asked, on the edge and tense. He really loathed this and began regretting his choice to come here when he saw that the files were all Renault's official stationary.

Fernando shrugged in a nonchalant way, taking a sip from his cup. "Just read them and then we'll talk." He made no attempt to further the conversation and directed his attention to the papers in his hand.

His heart beating uncomfortably in his throat, Kimi felt his stomach begin to churn when he opened the top file and saw that it was Sebastian's psychiatric test results. Kimi didn't know how Fernando got his hands on the medical files of a person that should have been treated confidentially, but the results weren't stellar.

"How can this be in your hands?" He asked, ire evident in his voice.

Fernando didn't even look at him. "Read them all, Kimi. The answers to your questions are all there." He answered dismissively.

Kimi went through the whole stack one by one patiently even though with each paper he read, his worry and the sick feeling in his stomach intensified. 

One thick file was on Sebastian's past races and on his relationship with his old teams, his bosses and teammates. One of them was on his testing results. The other one was the copy of Aina's rights and duties for the team due to her being a share holder now and it also appointed Fernando as the official holder of the rights until she'd come of age.

This was slowly making sense to Kimi, but he was still in denial of it until he saw Fernando's job description and the report that he had prepared on Sebastian's all the strong and weak points as a driver written together for the consideration of the team principal and the other higher ups. A hot and cloying sense of sickness rose in Kimi's stomach and spreaded to all his body when he read them, because the weak points far surpassed Sebastian's strenghts and truth be told, even Kimi was aware of some of them. 

Fernando was the team's driver advisor and one of the five people who had a final say in the choice of the official one-two of the team and this could only mean one thing for Sebastian.

Kimi balled his hands into fists to hide how angry, sickened, and disturbed he was. "Why did you call me here?" He asked and by the help of some miracle, his voice came out steady and strong. 

Fernando took a deep breath and exhaled, rolling his shoulders a bit. It was clear to see that he enjoyed every minute of this as he took off his suit jacket and then loosened his tie. He made a show of hanging his jacket at the back of the other chair opposite to where Kimi was sitting before he took off his tie and tucked it into his trousers' pocket.

"Damn you, Fernando, will you talk?" Kimi snapped, throwing the files across the table towards the other man.

Fernando rubbed a hand at his beard and silently took that seat right before Kimi. His dark eyes were filled with hatred and held no mercy. "I have the power to end his career before it even begins." He stated matter of factly, reclining against the chair with an air of control and condescending supremacy that Kimi had always loathed seeing on him. "And I am actually going to do that." He declared, watching Kimi's eyes narrow down further and his frown deepen painfully. 

"Don't take me wrong, I had no personal vendetta against him until he decided to take you away from me, Kimi." He explained as if he was talking about the weather, relaxed, easygoing, with a charming smile on his face. "Told you I love you, right?" He asked sweetly to the Finn who was watching him silently with amounting incredulity and hatred in his eyes. "No, no, no, no… Don't look at me like that, mi amor. You asked for this." He shook his head.

The blood in his veins were humming in Kimi's ears loudy and for a moment there he could only look at the Spaniard's calm and amicable expression as if he was face to face with a mad person. "You really have gone crazy…" Kimi couldn't believe this. His breath was rasping in his chest and his shoulders were tensing up with the need to unleash his anger. "Are you out of your fucking mind? Do you honestly think that I would let you do this to him, you bastard?!"

"Oh, I am actually counting on that, yes!" Fernando laughed at his face, grinning sleazily like a well fed wolf. At the incomprehension reflecting in Kimi's eyes, he leaned forward, pressing his hands on the table, noting the fact that Kimi leaned back away from him. It angered Fernando further. "You won't let me, yes… And to do this, you have to break up with him…" He blurted, chuckling a bit when Kimi swore at him in Spanish and stood up. "Sit down, Kimi…" He warned. "You know how serious I am. You know I can do this. You know I will do better than my best to ruin that man's life." He was deadly serious now and it worked. Kimi sat down.

Sweat trickling from his nape down to his spine, Kimi didn't know what he could do about this other than trying to reason with Fernando. "I will not be yours, Fernando. We are over. We are in the past and will forever be there." He tried to talk with his best calming voice, looking into the other man's eyes. "Your fixation with me is not normal, this is not normal… Understand this and let me go, let the past go. Let me be." He tried. "This is not you. This scheming, hate filled person is not you." 

Fernando looked at him long and hard as if he was actually giving a deep consideration to what Kimi was telling to him, completely serious and maybe a bit regretful, but then he burst into peals of laughter, shaking his head at Kimi's bewilderment. "You think I am one of your students? Trying to talk some sense into me as if I am a stupid kid? Your poor teacher tactics won't work on me, Mr Disappointment." 

Kimi refound his anger at Fernando's degradation. "You know I won't bend to your will, I never did, you sick fuck!"

"Yes… Yes, you never did." Fernando observed solemnly. "And that makes me want you so much." 

Kimi's mouth hung open at the other man's words and he sprang to his feet. "You can't do this! This is not solely in your hands!"

"Oh, but it is." Fernando stood up, too and circled the table towards Kimi, forcing him to step towards the far end of the room where the bed and the balcony was. "The team is not happy with this year's rookie and they are seriously considering their options." Fernando stepped up like a predator and Kimi backed away instinctively, not putting much thought into why Fernando was subtly trying to corner him, because all his attention was on his words and his eyes, not in his actions.

"I have a very good Spanish driver in the academy and he is backed by quite a profitable and willing sponsor. It's only a matter of good evaluation from my side for him to weight heavier than Vettel in their future plans. And you can't talk about my involvement in this to anyone, because there is an agreement of confidentiality about my job description and share holding, so any word out of your pretty mouth, I'll not only get you into prison for jeopardizing a company's financial situation, but I will also finish that man's career while you are rotting in there." 

Kimi was shaking. Strong tremors were coursing through his limbs and he felt ready to puke, his mind refusing to come up with anything against this well thought out scheming other than empty bravado and useless pride. Because, Fernando was serious and apparently out for blood. The chill in those dark eyes were honestly frightening even though Kimi considered himself to be pretty level headed and brave. But this was something else…

"I am leaving." He announced and tried to cross the room to the main door, but Fernando stood in his way. 

"No, mi amor, not before I get my answer." 

Kimi's gut feeling was sounding alarm bells in his head. "I won't break up with him." He refused, deep down inside knowing that he had no other way around this. He couldn't think straight, couldn't calm his bursting heart. 

"Did he fuck you in Monaco?" Fernando asked out of the blue with a tormented expression, perplexing Kimi further.

"What?" 

"He took you up to those rooms in the club! Did he fuck you in there?" Fernando yelled.

Shell-shocked, Kimi stayed silent for a second, breathing rapidly before adding two and two together. "You saw us?"

Fernando sneered at him. "He was about to fuck you raw on the dance floor… Of course, I saw you!"

Kimi couldn't believe that, swallowing harshly as if he had drunken molten lava, but even then he did not give in an inch. "Not your business anymore." He tilted his head back, trying to act aloof and brave. "What I do with him isn't your concern. You need treatment. You are not normal." 

Fernando chuckled at the words, but there wasn't an ounce of mirth in it. "You know what? That look you have now… Those eyes…" He took a few more steps towards Kimi and put his hand in his pocket in a completely non threatening and relaxed way as if he wasn't the one who was backing Kimi towards the bed. "When I would get you under me, the best moment of those nights weren't the times I'd come, but the ones I'd get to break that proud icyness of you."

The words disgusted Kimi. "Get out of my way, Fernando!" He felt trapped and regretted his decision of even coming here.

"You damn well know I won't." 

"Don't make me use force!"

Fernando laughed at that. "Force? What are you going to do? Punch me again like you did the last time?"

Getting reminded of their first and last physical fight made Kimi swallow his stomach down, but, yes… "If I have to, you know I will do it." He admitted, which made Fernando nod at his way solemnly, his eyes cruel and soulless.

"Wow… Putting so much on the line for him… He must be dicking you down better than me, then…" 

This made Kimi see red and he threw the nearest thing he could grab at Fernando in his blind fury. Which was a small decoration from the top of the dresser and thankfully it had been a polyester one, because it hit Fernando straight on the side of his forehead, breaking his skin a bit with a drop of blood trickling down the side of his face.

Even then, even after seeing the blood drip onto the pristine white of the shirt collar, Kimi didn't look rependant, still seething. "Don't you dare compare yourself to him, bastard!"

For Fernando, seeing that absolute trust and love placed into Sebastian instead of him was the last drop. He hurled himself at Kimi like a wrecking ball of fury and in the blink of an eye he pushed him back on to the bed, forcing him down and catching his right wrist with enough strenght to cause the joints pop audibly. 

Before Kimi could actually react and hit him quite well with his left fist and kick him, Fernando managed to get Kimi's right wrist into the loop of his necktie and firmly tied him up to the bed post. 

Getting rid of one hand, he caught Kimi's other hand and mercilessly twisted his arm to his back into a horribly unnatural position which made Kimi scream at the pain and lay to his right side to avoid getting his wrist and elbow dislocated. 

He sat down on Kimi's legs, trapping him before he carded his fingers through Kimi's hair and pulled at the long bits to force Kimi's head back just like Sebastian had done a few weeks ago. But this was painful, this aimed to hurt, meant to make him submit against his will as Fernando pulled at the roots sharply, completely uncaring of the pain filled cry he ripped from Kimi's outstretched throat.

Everything hurt for Kimi. His legs, his twisted arm, his scalp, his wrist and his chest as his heart threatened to go out in confusion, fear and in pain. He couldn't get his right hand out of the tie loop and the more he struggled, the more the silk bit into his skin, cutting off the circulation. He bit down on a desperate sob, trying to hold onto his anger and the adrenaline rush to get away from the situation he had been trapped into, but it was of no use.

"Open your eyes and look at me, Kimi." Fernando ordered to him in a low growl. His body was still straining under the Spaniard's hold and he was deadly afraid of where this thing might go, would certainly go, if he wasn't able to do something.

He looked back, only to meet the sight of those brown eyes right in front of his face, a familiar vision from their love filled days, but now a picture of pure mindless loveless lust. 

"God, you are so beautiful…" Fernando sighed against his lips. In his mind, the words mocked Kimi cruelly in Sebastian's voice. 

"And he gets to have you whenever he pleases…" Fernando continued, his free hand going under Kimi's t-shirt and sliding across his side and stomach, pushing the thin material up to reveal more skin.

Kimi was choking. 

"You are shaking all over, mi amor…" Fernando's touch was scorching. He dug his fingers into Kimi's flesh, his long nails painfully scraping against his rib cage, dragging burning red stripes from Kimi's side to his front with every intention of hurting and marking him. "Still looking at me with that defiance… Still this empty pride that suits you so well…" 

He leaned in and when Kimi managed to turn his head away, he went ahead and bit down on Kimi's neck, hard enough to leave the imprint of his teeth. "But I am going to trample on that pride and ruin you for him." His voice was gutteral and so foreign, so frightening in Kimi's ears. He deliberately dragged his teeth over the protruding collarbones like a wild animal would gnaw on his prey, unheeding of how it had to hurt.

Kimi struggled like there was no tomorrow, his mind getting clouded by his panic and his fear even though he managed to not show how afraid and helpless he felt inside. "Stop! Stop!" He was yelling through his gritted teeth, his jaw clenched not just because of his anger, but because of his oncoming panic attack. He tried to get Fernando to loosen his grip on his arm and for a moment there, he even managed to do that, hitting Fernando wherever he could land his fist at, but he got easily caught again. "Let go of me! Stop this madness! Stop!"

"I wasn't going to do this!" Fernando yelled over Kimi's words, his hold turning even more harsher and painful. "I wasn't going to do this to you! That man! That man brought you there! He kissed you, he touched you even as he looked at me in the eye and smirked at me as he did so! He flaunted you to me!" This time, he prevented Kimi from turning his head away. "He asked for this, no? Let's see what he's going to do when he sees my marks on your body!" And he covered Kimi's mouth with his.

He was aware that this thing couldn't be called a kiss as Kimi was practically choking for a bit of air, terror written across his face and making Fernando curse himself silently. He knew that he had driven the Finn into a panic attack as Kimi gradually went lax under him, slowly losing his ability to strain against his hold and resist him. "Why couldn't you love me again?" He whispered against Kimi's lips, his hand letting go off his hair, but grabbing at the neckline of his tee, pulling it open from the small buttons just as Sebastian liked doing in the heat of the moment. 

Kimi couldn't tell if he was able to breathe or not anymore, helplessly watching Fernando caress his head, his neck and chest all the while the Spaniard's eyes losing their hard edge and turning regretful. 

"What is so good about him? What?!" Fernando was asking as he bit and sucked bruises and marks all over his body, hurting him first, and then gently licking and kissing the spot he ruined as if to soothe the pain he'd inflicted upon him.

Kimi could no longer resist. His panic and horror completely burned his strength and overrode his mind's struggle to control his body, turning him into a mess of useless limbs, just like an unresponsive puppet which nevertheless endured all this torment.

"Why couldn't you just love me like that, too? Why did you have to give yourself to him?" Fernando was still asking even as he continued marking him. 

Kimi felt tear drops fall onto his stomach and chest and he saw Fernando was crying when the other man fell back over him and came to his eye level.

"I can have you now…" Fernando was gritting his teeth as if he was barely keeping himself from doing just that. "I can make you mine again in whichever way I want and you are so burnt out that you can't even roll out of this bed even if I let your hands go." He dried his eyes with the back of his hand. The lust was no longer there with only regret and anger remaining... 

Fernando let his arm go, but Kimi couldn't stop or control his violent shaking and other than clumsily curling up to his right side, he wasn't able to do much. 

"You'll come to me willingly, Kimi…" Fernando sat on the edge of the bed, breathing hard to control himself. "You'll be mine willingly." He reached out and petted Kimi's hair, knowing that the other man was still going through his panic attack and couldn't get away. 

He watched Kimi flinch, his eyes filled with hate, fear, but mostly helplessness. "They are going to decide on a driver for Silverstone. Make up your mind before that. You'll come to me willingly and then break up with him… And he'll have his seat and maybe even guarantee one for the next year in a Ferrari." He told, untying Kimi's wrist from the bedpost. "The course of his future and hopes depend on you." He stood up and went to the main door. "Then you can do whatever you want."

Kimi cradled his abused hand to his chest, hating himself for every second of his weak state, still heaving. "Why?" He couldn't help but ask the question, trying to find the strength to get up from this accursed bed, all his limbs boneless and empty.

Fernando stood beside the door and watched him like a man who was witnessing his whole world sinking into an abbys as it cursed his very existence to the hell and back seven times. And maybe it really was so, because Kimi's eyes were still the same, full of pride, full of that aloofness and icy beauty even when they swam in misery and helplessness.

Kimi was unconquerable, but Fernando knew that he'd do anything to get even the smallest bit of dents in that impenetrable fortress that was Kimi's heart. "Because if you won't be mine anymore, I won't let anyone else to have you, either." He whispered to him, solemn like swearing an oath. "Now, get out of this room before I come back and finish what I started."

Kimi watched Fernando shut the door behind him and finally managed to get himself into a sitting position. Only then, only when he saw the tears wetting his trembling hands that he realized he was crying.

* * *

There was no way he'd be able to hide the state that he was in from Aina. If not tonight, she'd see his bruised wrists and the marks on his neck and collarbones in the morning even though he could hide the rest with a long sleeved t-shirt. She'd see and Kimi wasn't able to think straight about what she could do when that would happen.

He couldn't go to his own house and the only other alternative he had was Sebastian's loft. The younger man had left for France in the early morning, so the house was empty. And since Aina was leaving the next morning, too, Kimi could hide there.

He didn't know how he managed to drive his car. Actually, he didn't even remember when he reached the loft and got into the garage. He only realized where he was when the headlights of his car illuminated the garage interiors in an eerie way that made him feel entrapped and suffocated. 

To get away from the feeling, he jumped out of the car, found his way to the stairs in the darkness and climbed up into the living area. He turned on the lights on low in the bedroom and threw himself into the small bathroom, locking the door before sitting down on the cold tiled floor. He drew his legs to himself and hid his head under his arms, turning into a ball of agony.

He stayed like that for how long he didn't know. He just sat there, closed his eyes and let his mind disassociate from the aches of his body. He purposefully refused to think about Sebastian or Aina, because they were so intertwined with Fernando in his mind now that he couldn't take solace neither in the thoughts of his daughter nor in Sebastian.

Instead, he thought about his mother, about the times he'd brushed her hair and about the times she'd baked cakes and cookies for him. He thought about her sunny smile, her encouraging words, how she'd pinched his cheeks and helped him with his homeworks… and…And he slowly came back to the present, hearing her words echo in his ears again.  _ Everything will be alright… _ Oh, she couldn't have been more wrong even if she'd wanted to be.

He was sure that if he'd been beaten up by a few people, he wouldn't have felt any worse than this. Everything hurt, every muscle in his body pulled painfully whenever he moved due to the extreme strain he had put them under earlier. He was sore in a sickening kind of way and there was nothing he could do about it. 

He slowly undressed, unconsciously avoiding looking at his own body. He got into the shower and washed himself twice or three times, he didn't count, he couldn't look. But the sting of the soap and the rubbing of the washcloth were a reminder of how Fernando's anger and twisted possessiveness had hurt him. He wanted the marks to go away, but no matter how much he scrubbed at them, the sting only intensified and Kimi gave up.

When he returned to the bedroom, he opened the closet from the side belonging to Sebastian. He found a pair of sweatpants and a tee, but he felt cold, so much so that he was shivering with it and his teeth began clattering. He frantically searched through the shelves and finally found Seb's favourite grey sweater. He hugged the soft material to his chest as if it was his life line and when the younger man's sweet scent reached him, he calmed down a bit, but it didn't last.

When he pulled the sliding door of the closet closed and saw himself on the large mirror mounted on it, he gasped at his own reflection first in fear and then in disgust. 

This man looking back at him with those blood shot haunted eyes couldn't be him. A pitiful whine escaped his lips at the state he was in. His skin was marred with scratches, sucked on at so hard that there were red blotches everywhere, some of them were surely going to turn into bruises the next morning, and the worst was the state of his wrists. 

The idea that someone else might see him like this made his stomach lurch and he heaved, but thankfully he didn't vomit until he reached the bathroom.

When he emptied everything into the toilet bowl, he got dressed, but he didn't want to lay down on the bed he shared with Seb no matter how much he wanted to be wrapped around with his scent. At the back of his mind, in his current state, he thought that he didn't deserve to have that comfort. So, he went down, dragging a pillow and a blanket behind him.

He was glad that Seb had not locked the trophy room, because nothing but the sky and the forest could console him now. He reclined on the settee and covered himself with the blanket like he wanted to get into a cocoon and looked up.

There was no moon, but the stars were shining brightly in the inky darkness. The forest was still as there was no wind and even though nothing could have been better than being protected and hidden by the vastness of the wilderness, Kimi felt like he was going crazy with the horrid images, possibilities and thoughts that his mind was conjuring up. 

The silence was killing him. Never in his entire life he had wanted to hear someone's voice this much even as he wanted to hide from the same man in equal measure. But if he couldn't hear Sebastian's kind voice calming him down, then he'd listen to the songs that brought them together.

He went back to the garage and turned on the jukebox. While he tried to understand how to queue songs, he actually found some of his balance back. He chose a lot of songs and left the door of the trophy room open. He hugged himself back into the blanket and sat down on the settee, watching the forest and the sky with unseeing eyes. 

He fell asleep like that, half sitting half reclining, the songs keeping him company for a long time until they all finished and the sun rose above him, waking him up into a stark morning with nothing to take solace from.

He felt horrible. He was lucky that this week he had been given a short holiday after the graduation ceremony, so at least nobody else was going to see him like this. He hastily sent a text to Aina, explaining that he had spent the night in the loft and wished her a nice weekend and prayed that she wouldn't call him, because he doubted that he could speak properly now.

Then, he just lay there. Until the room got illuminated throughly, until all the trophies began to shine under the bright light of the beautiful sun. The metal and glass work of the prizes caught the sun rays as if they'd been made of gold and diamond and Kimi knew that they worthed more than diamonds and gold for the younger man. In fact, they were priceless, because these were all evidences of Sebastian's existence as a person who relentlessly ran after his dream and as an athlete who had endured and braved a world of pain to be able to open that door of success and fulfillment again. 

Who was Kimi to take that away? 

Who was he to brush away Sebastian's second chance at life in finding himself anew for something as filmsy as an excuse like love? And would that love withstand the storm that was certain to follow them after Seb would learn that his career had been ruined simply because his lover's jealous ex couldn't stand the idea of them being together? Kimi highly doubted that… 

Even though he denied it, even though he had promised Kimi to find himself a new road, Kimi knew that Seb needed more of these trophies to prove himself he was worth something in the eyes of everyone, his parents, Carl, and more importantly, in his own. He had to prove this first to himself that he could win against all odds and against the world. Only then he could find peace within his own soul. And who was Kimi to take that chance away from Sebastian? The possibility of driving for Ferrari, winning a championship for that team Sebastian loved and practically lived for…

Kimi could never do it. He could never be the person who would force his loved one into making a choice between him and his life's meaning and passion.  _ Not again… _ Instead, he'd make that choice himself, shoulder the hate, the resentment, the pain and all that, just to see Sebastian hold up that big beautiful trophy with his smile bright like the sun itself. But for the love of god, he didn't know how he was going to do this, how he was going to function and appear normal to everyone as if he wasn't about to gauge his heart out and throw it away for the sake of his sun to rise again…

He didn't know, couldn't think, his tormented mind was unable to come up with a solution for this other than actually removing himself from Sebastian's life. So, he stopped trying to find a way out of this. Because the more he thought, the more he was losing the grip on his sanity. He decided to just exist.

Sebastian called him towards the evening and he didn't pick up, sending him a text, lying to him about being in a meeting at school. When the younger man called again, he didn't know what to do other than letting it ring and ring, sending another text late into the night, telling him another lie about how he had been invited by his friends for a few drinks and seen his call only now when Sebastian would be sleeping.

Aina thankfully didn't call, but sent him a lot of pictures, asking how he was doing thru a text. He wrote something mundane and inconspicuous to her, knowing that tomorrow he had to talk to them if he didn't want to make them suspicious.

And it was the hardest task ever. Sebastian immediately realized that his voice was raspy as if he was getting sick. Kimi couldn't tell him that it was like that because of disuse. He just agreed, told Seb that he was coming down with something and didn't have much energy. He didn't know if Seb bought it, but he paid extra attention to act jovial with Aina. He just wanted to be alone.

Friday was no better. He hated looking at himself on the mirror, but he had to see the condition of his marks and bruises. He couldn't believe that he'd searched for how to cover them and thus found out the existence of the concealers on the internet. He learned the brands that were strong enough to cover the colour of his marks and where to buy them. 

Just to give himself something to do, just to see if he was going to be able to look a person in the eye and act normal, he went out. He covered himself with the biggest hoodie that he found in Seb's closet and drove to the biggest mall in the city. 

He was aware that he was trembling slightly, but he found what he was looking for in a cosmetics shop and made his purchase. If the cashier girl's weird looks were directed at him or not, he didn't know and didn't care, because he was absurdly happy for managing to get this much done.

He considered buying himself some veggies, but knowing that he probably wasn't going to be able to keep them in his stomach for long, he shrugged the idea off. Instead, he went into a pharmacist's and bought some medicine for nausea and sleeplessness.

He could go back home, but at least at the loft he was surrounded by Sebastian there. Maybe not physically, but his scent, the echo of his laughter and the memory of his smile were enough for Kimi to hang on.

On the phone, Sebastian was saying he was missing him so much. Lowering his voice as if he was sharing a secret, Seb told him that he wanted Kimi to make love to him when he'd return on Monday. Kimi could picture his timid smile as his soft laughter chimed in his ear. 

He couldn't answer him in kind. He couldn't chuckle at the endearing neediness of the younger man. He just opened up another subject and asked of his test times, not really listening to Sebastian's enthusiastic and proud explanation.

He felt dirty and it was not completely because of the marks. Though slowly, they were fading. But he couldn't forget Fernando's words. He couldn't imagine himself kissing and touching Fernando willingly. He couldn't even stand the idea of being alone with him in the same room. He wanted to die at the prospect of letting the other man have him.

Nothing was able to console him, nothing gave him even a bit of a peace of mind.

He was going to break up with Sebastian, he could do that. Yes, he could kill half of himself and do that, but how was he going to let Fernando use him that way and not feel disgusted with himself for the rest of his life? Just how?

He had no other option other than begging  Fernando to just let him go. It would be easy, honestly… He had practice in rebuilding his life from the ground, he'd do that again. He could take his mother away and find a new home and start anew. 

Paula would understand him, not question him. She would help him, she would be his safe haven and everything would work out, find its course and he'd forget. 

He'd forget Sebastian, he'd forget his sunny smile and warm embrace and kind voice, his strong hands and his beautiful love…

He just wanted to forget as he tried the concealer on his bruises, standing before the mirror of the closet. His eyes could still see the marks even though the cosmetic did its job perfectly. 

Some things were indelible and Kimi was learning the hard way that you could neither ignore, nor cover them up. 

They were there to stay.

_ TBC... _


End file.
